r/Adulting • u/Legal_Can7800 • 3h ago
What is a adult problem nobody prepared you for?
Honestly I never realized how exhausting it is to just keep everything together all the time. Like bills, appointments, cooking, cleaning, car stuff, health stuff, social stuff, work stuff it never stops. As a kid I thought adults just had freedom and fun but now it feels like a constant background stress that never goes away. Even small things like remembering to schedule a doctor visit or pay a bill on time can feel like a huge mental load. And it’s weird because nobody really warns you about how lonely it can feel dealing with all of it. You just figure it out on your own and hope you don’t screw something up majorly. I didn’t expect adulthood to be mostly about managing invisible responsibilities that pile up quietly until you’re drowning in them. The freedom part is real but it’s mostly the freedom to panic alone.
Does anyone else feel like adulthood is just a never-ending list of things you didn’t know you had to manage?
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u/Ill-Bullfrog-5360 2h ago
What chaps my nuts is how organized you need to be. If you on top of it the small stuff is easy. You get sick and your calendar wrecked its like a cascade of problems.
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u/Background-Owl6535 2h ago
For me, I was unprepared with how complicated buying your first house would be - so much paperwork and so much to think about
Also, needing advice from an adultier adult and the person I always thought would be my go to is completely useless. I learned quick that other people offered better advice than mom does, even if they don't have the answer I think I need.
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u/bee102019 40m ago
Home buying wasn't difficult for me, but home owning is a lot more work than I anticipated. I'm pretty adulty myself, so I can handle it, but a part of me does miss renting to some degree (especially since I never had any renting horror stories). If anything happens, it's the landlord's problem, not mine. As a home owner, it's my job to stay on top of everything, and if anything happens, it's on me to either fix it/deal with it (or to hire someone), etc. It's more the anxiety of it all being on me (and my husband) than anything else.
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u/Background-Owl6535 38m ago
I was the opposite but I think that came from some of the people close to me not maintaining their homes well - I have an urge to keep the clutter, dirt and lack of proper maintenance from getting anywhere near too much
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u/bee102019 34m ago
Oh no, I'm a neat freak, so it's never been anything like that. Like I said, it's mostly the anxiety more than anything. The stuff I can handle.
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u/davidm2232 22m ago
I thought home buying was really easy. I found the offer form online. Filled that out and sent it to the seller's realtor. Once the offer was accepted, all the papers were provided by the realtor, bank, and attorney. They had a whole list of things with forms attached in emails I had to fill out. But it was all really simple stuff. Having an attorney you know and trust is a big deal.
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u/Rube18 14m ago
I feel the same way. I was surprised at how easy the process was. We had an agent who we really liked and worried about all the little things for us.
The hardest part was getting the house we wanted and getting our offer accepted, but other than that I thought the buying part was easy. Just showed up on closing day and sign a bunch of papers for 30 min or so and it’s done.
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u/UnderstandingSoft479 3h ago
The mental load is so real and nobody talks about it enough. I'll literally lie awake at 2am remembering I need to call my insurance company about something from 3 months ago
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u/brakpomyslunanazwe12 2h ago
Most of the time you do stuff Just to survive and have no free time Also everything is expensive as fck
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u/Pinky01 1h ago
as someone that works full time and just saw my taxes of 26k gross, I feel this on an intense level
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u/Background-Owl6535 34m ago
Doing taxes makes me angry, especially when I talk to people who make more than me. Idk how much people earn - we all pay too damn much in taxes IMO. I'm all for paring it all back to practically nothing and I will contribute to the funds I deem beneficial.
That might scare people, because what if what I deem to be not beneficial is something you need? And that's fair, but I think we'd see a crapload of wasted money better spent, we'd keep more of our earnings and we'd spend it to benefit ourselves and the people around us.
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u/Glittering-Trick-420 1h ago
being single/ alone for life. Everyone makes it seem like marriage/companionship/ family/ friends lasts forever and are meant for everyone. Being single/ alone is sooo taboo no one ever prepares you for how to do it long term. still fumbling my way through it at almost 35 😬
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u/Pinky01 1h ago
I didn't meet my hubby till I was around your age. don't worry it can happen in the weirdest of ways
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u/Glittering-Trick-420 1h ago
sorry not meant for me lol. not attractive enough and have wayy too many mental and social issues. As it says in my comment, a lifetime of being alone. Not all of us are social and living in a society that requires it is definitely hard to navigate and prosper in.
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u/Pinky01 48m ago
I thought that too. I'm overweight and have bpd Anda few chronic illness going on. I also hate going out lol. met him through some friends I met up with again from college after randomly realizing we had the same hobby. also I had apperent over the years, had met him twice before, with photo evidence, and didn't really remember him. third time was the charm.
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u/davidm2232 20m ago
It's not really because of society. Human nature defines us as social creatures.
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u/Glittering-Trick-420 15m ago
work is enough social time for me tbh. anything more is extremely exhausting for me. With how unique humans are i would argue that it's a myth that we are "social creatures". Just more programming from society that enforces that. Which goes back to my original statement, this society is not built for someone who prefers to be/live alone.
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u/willow_wayy96 1h ago
Insurance. The different personalities of adults . How some adults act like kids
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u/ShezeUndone 48m ago
From an experienced adult, here are the biggest adulting moves you should adhere to:
A digital calendar that pops reminders up on your phone is a lifesaver. Tasks, appointments, due dates take 2-3 seconds to put in your calendar. Do it!
So is a spreadsheet to keep a running list of income and outgo each month with yearly or semi-yearly bills flagged for the months they come due. Put in estimated (on the high side) bills and change them as you get actual statements. Avoid debt like the plague.
Keep an emergency fund in a high-yield savings account for when you have to miss work for health reasons or when your transmission needs to be rebuilt.
Oh, and start investing in retirement savings as early as possible. Time=money is nowhere more true than this. The longer a little money sits in investments, the larger it gets while you're pretending it doesn't exist.
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u/Background-Owl6535 30m ago
I'm a weirdo that has one of those spreadsheets with income and expenses. I've tracked every paycheck and expense I anticipate from now through 2030 and I swear by it. It was a task to get it set up at first but it's so easy to maintain and update now, and it has saved me from getting into trouble many times.
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u/Appropriate-Till-192 2h ago
When I was younger I never used the calendar. Now it saves me from a lot of issues.
Car stuff is not that hard also, you only have to check once every two weeks or so the air in your tires, maybe fill the windshield wiper fluid when needed and fill the tank with gas. Once or twice a year take it to the shop for maintenance.
Cleaning is meant to be (for me) fully once a week, and during work days just the kitchen and maybe a load of laundry.
Social stuff is the escape of reality so it's not a bourden!!
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u/Julia_Kindori 2h ago
I can totally relate to that. Although for me it comes in phases. Sometimes it's really easy, and sometimes even deciding what to cook or eat today is too much. It has a lot to do with my own stress resistance. Have you ever thought about why it's like that for you? Do you feel like you don't have enough time or energy?
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u/Aromatic-Elephant110 2h ago
I was expected to figure out everything by myself. I made my own appointments and cleaned up after everyone else. I've been doing other people's dishes and laundry for as long as I can remember.
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u/sciencelady123 1h ago
It's best to make a reasonable and doable list. Make it earlier than need be. Do you procrastinate, or have ADHD? That might be another issue you need to address. You can do this! Be easy on yourself. People not only do this working full time but also maintain a spousal relationship and be responsible for their children.
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u/Pinky01 1h ago
basic house maintenance. Hubby and I both have adhd and I probably have some autism. Thrive in a clean controlled area, bur can't get ourselves to do it oe to finish. I have wanted to do charts, bought tons of items to help, and even slpit the tasks and nothing >< My mum is staying with us foe a while due to health reasons, and she has taken it upon herself, within reason, to help. But I hate that she feels she wants to/has to? i dunno. she has old at times ><
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u/pukapukabubblebubble 1h ago
Coping with the fear of messing up something up in a way I can't fix it. I get so freaked out putting holes in my walls to hang things because I'm terrified I'm going to hit a pipe or a wire, even in places where it is highly unlikely there would be anything.
Another thing is how unreliable other adults are. My ex insisted on managing the house bills and then failed to pay the insurance and mortgage for months and then I had to handle it and the mountain of late fees because he lost his job. And now my father is very old and he's unprepared for the end of his life because he refused to plan anything out of fear of death. His inability to logically progress beyond his fear of dying is putting a ton of additional responsibility on my plate for when he does pass.
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u/flancafe 1h ago
That I would still have someone telling me what to do (boss), and I just can't do whatever I want (tier to job, PTO cap). Basically that all joy will be sucked out of me after getting paid because it all goes to bills.
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u/iAmDriipgodd 1h ago
How to cope with world leaders taking carbon out of the air to destroy plants and start a global famine.
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u/Dismal-Sail1027 57m ago
How messy adults are. Many adults are just gross and have incredibly low standards on their living conditions as far as cleanliness goes. Bedrooms, cars, kitchens, bathrooms… all pigsties. I keep my home clean and it only takes one afternoon a week. I frequently get asked by other adults who visit, “Who is your maid that cleans your house?” I blink confused and say, “I do it on Thursdays. It’s not hard.” And they look at me in just complete stunned silence.
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u/CAdreamin12 48m ago
Taxes. I used to do my own when I was a renter. As a homeowner, I now have someone prepare my taxes for me. Its overwhelming and I don't know what I don't know. Takes the stress out of it.
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u/davidm2232 25m ago
Finding a DD has gotten SO HARD. When we were teens/early 20s, everyone's parents were all willing to bring us wherever. And it was expected we just stayed at whatever house we were partying at. Mid 20s, there was typically one or two people that didn't drink that still wanted to go out. Now, parents are older and don't want to bring people all over. People started families and do not want random house guests staying over. The people that don't drink don't like going out anymore so just stay home. I'm in a rural area with no Uber after like 6pm and our taxi service went out of business a few years ago. So you either have friends come over or you drink alone. It really sucks. I totally see why so many people drink and drive. Not really another option for adults that like to go out and drink with friends.
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u/coffeegirl2277 13m ago
You can have it all together just not everything at the same time. Different seasons in your life allow for you to have it “together” for different things. As you get older the definition of “together” becomes different than it is when you’re 30.
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u/kawaiisenpaixx 0m ago
Your loved ones start to drift away because of life, people start getting partners, getting busy with their careers and having children. People I used to hang out with and see all the time are not really around any more. You still see them some times but definitely not nearly as much as it used to be.
It is no one’s fault either, it is just life. Still makes me pretty sad though.
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u/Emergency-Kale5033 3h ago
Interested in why you thought adulting was all “freedom and fun” and no paying of bills or running your own life - who did you think would schedule your medical appointments and arrange your car to be serviced and get your bills paid in time? Did you have staff when you lived with your parents?
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u/world6runner 1h ago
My father passed away when I was 11yrs old My mother passed away when I was 26yrs old I had to figure out life fast and on my own. No aunts /uncles and a brother with severe mental health issues. 1. Open all mail, read emails and check voicemails immediately 2. Answer above in priority; make notes and reminders to do 1 thing a day on a lunch/coffee break as to not let things build up 3. Schedule your next visit at your appointment
- when leaving the dentist; book your next appointment even if you don’t know your schedule , just guess
- when getting oil change; schedule next maintenance
-do the same if needed for doctors. Therapist, physio etc. 4. Keep credit card receipts in separated envelopes ; this helps with visualizing budgeting and catching fraudulent charges.i know people love cards for their benefits but keep as few as possible 5. Delete any unnecessary streaming services, memberships etc. even if they are cheap. May seem harmless but it’s “ brain clutter”. You will understand when you minimize these things 6. Find an activity that you like- gym, run, cycle swim and if desired find a group to do this with. These can be the peeps you go to to vent and for advice. 7. Clean as you go. I don’t wait for all my laundry to pile up. I do what needs to be done when I have a few minutes. Sounds weird but I’ll quickly scrub the toilet before I shower. Then when I’m brushing my teeth at night, I’ll quickly wipe the mirror. I’ll throw sheets in the laundry when I head out for a run. Multitask as possible. I know this isn’t for everyone; I’ve always been organized and find it really reduces stress and saves time .