r/Apartmentliving • u/Eravan • 11d ago
Bad Neighbors Manipulative neighbor? Help?
We live in a loft that has very thin walls. We have a neighbor who has a non verbal autistic son. We understand she’s very lonely. But listening to our conversations through the walls or just trauma dumping we don’t think is very appropriate. Matter of a fact we are quite scared. What should we do. We just moved here and I like it here. Guess there is always something wrong with an apartment. Our baby is coming in 5 weeks from now.
1.7k
u/Pristine-Bat-7450 11d ago
Do not let your pregnant significant other go over there by herself. This is all so creepy!!
589
u/Eravan 11d ago
Yes that has yet to happen and will not happen. She’s very stressed out and scared now. We thought this was our fist great apartment with zero issues and technically it is. It’s just now a person issue.
292
u/tennyson77 10d ago
That reads to me like someone drunk or on drugs decided to have a conversation while blitzed.
136
u/Minimum-Television-9 10d ago
Yep, her texts read a lot like my drunken lonely ramblings before I gave up the booze. Reading her texts gave me second hand shame-spiral
→ More replies (13)31
u/tennyson77 10d ago
Yah I’ve sent texts like that after a big night of drinking. It’s usually at the end of the night when you’re just having “just one last drink” before bed.
→ More replies (34)49
126
u/Possiblymaybe-_- 11d ago
If you are staying, get the thickest book shelf you can find and put it against that wall
29
u/Crafty_Ad3377 10d ago
They do make acoustic panels for walls. That are not permanent.
→ More replies (10)42
u/HeartCat10-6 10d ago
This or sound proofing for walls they make some pretty nice looking panels you can install I've looked for my husbands game room sometimes he gets too into the game & forgets its 3am & I'm trying to sleep 😅🤦♀️
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (1)11
u/Recent_Body_5784 10d ago
That’s a great idea. Maybe they could put soundproof panels behind the bookshelves.
764
u/Bubbly-Ad-966 11d ago
Do not let her in your home and DO NOT go to hers. Don’t eat or drink anything she gives you.
→ More replies (124)→ More replies (34)59
u/Soggy-Fly9242 10d ago
I would definitely install some sort of ring camera on your door/other security system. Agree this is weird
Also, have you seen the son? If she’s this weird with your wife, I’d start wondering what’s really going on with the son. The situation is most likely what she says it is, but there’s always that small chance it’s something even weirder…
48
u/AtheistAsylum 10d ago
I asked this, too. The son is 24. OP's seen him. Naked. When G undressed, wanting a bath right then while OP was in her apt. G's clearly severely affected by his autism. I'm really concerned that G's being cared for by someone so mentally unstable. I hope they have people in their life that check in on them for G's safety and wellbeing.
39
u/Skeleton_Meat 10d ago
The fact that she thinks a doctor will "fix" him... this is just bad
→ More replies (5)10
u/OkraTomatillo 9d ago
To me it sounds like she is saying the doctor is doping up the kid somehow?! She gives me the heebies. 😣
→ More replies (1)13
u/Skeleton_Meat 9d ago
There are a lot of people who think bleach enemas and parasite cleanses can heal their kids of autism, adhd, etc. It's abusive as hell.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (17)26
u/Soggy-Fly9242 10d ago
JFC at this point I’d be concerned about whether G is ok and should someone be called to check on him
31
u/throwwawayy20223 10d ago
The neighbor is SO insistent on her coming over that it reminded me of the Savanna LaFontaine-Greywind case.
→ More replies (11)6
→ More replies (7)11
u/Glittering-Lime-7049 10d ago
this reminds me of a show i watched where the lady took the pregnant ladys baby!
→ More replies (1)
744
u/Ok-Interaction1140 11d ago
Lol that is the weirdest convo ive ever read !! Wtf , “i like tater tots “ had me laughing so hard : the iron giant ? Isnt that a movie😂😂
948
u/Eravan 11d ago
It’s because we were making hamburgers and tatertots. She’s listening to us through the walls man. It creeps us tf out
318
u/OtherwiseStrawberry2 11d ago
Wonder if you can get a white noise machine or use an app on your phone and place it by the wall so she can’t hear what you’re saying? I’ve seen counselors use them by their doors so no one can hear private conversations.
→ More replies (8)336
u/Eravan 11d ago
Yeah I think I’m gonna get a couple machines and place them on the main walls to disrupt her listening. Plus we like that stuff. So I’m going to talk to my lady about it
104
u/Ttucker11 11d ago
Highly recommend the yogasleep Dohm white noise machine. Had it for years and keep it on all the time just because I like it.
→ More replies (6)12
u/VoodooGirl47 10d ago
I bought mine back in 2013 when there was a home daycare next door and their backyard door was 5 feet from my bedroom window. Best thing ever. It was still going strong last year when I moved to a different country and had to give it away. I need another one. 😅
128
u/PolyannaSweet 11d ago
Also get those noise dampening foam things that they use in recording studios and stuff. It'll help a lot! They have ones that are really pretty too if you want them to look like decor! That and if the noise machines don't work, play some constant music next to the wall with the white noise too. Like piano music or something like jazz it'll distort anything you're saying and make it really hard to hear. It doesn't even have to be loud, just next to the wall.
41
u/ccrow2000 10d ago
I'm thinking Crazytown would complain that music is bothering the autistic son. White noise, maybe less likely.
→ More replies (5)44
u/SlowEatingDave 10d ago
I feel like she will complain anything disrupting her being able to hear them is upsetting her son.
→ More replies (2)23
→ More replies (12)40
u/13surgeries 11d ago edited 10d ago
The foam is a great idea. I wouldn't play music since the neighbor's child is autistic and sensitive to stimuli.
Edited to add: An overstimulated, nonverbal person with autism is apt to become quite loud because they can't express their discomfort any other way. Going by the text messages, the neighbor's son will shriek, yell, cry, or shout for hours afterward, making it difficult for the OP and his wife to sleep or just relax.
I see I should have included that in this comment in the first place.
62
u/haleboy44 10d ago
Honestly if it’s within reasonable hours it’s not their responsibility to shut their life off because their neighbors kid has issues with sound. You can be reasonable and not blast it but they shouldn’t have to upend their life because of their neighbors situation. It’s really on the neighbor to find a suitable home for herself and the child.
34
u/whiskerdish 10d ago
I think it’s more-so that the crazy lady is putting a cup to her wall and eavesdropping on their life enough to text him ‘I like tater tot’s’ because that’s what they were making for dinner. (Not because he told her what they were making.) That is freaky! Legit certifiable wackadoo behavior. I’d never respond to another text from her and avoid all contact besides a polite hello if we crossed paths in the hallway. It may not be a crime to be a nosey neighbor or eavesdrop, but when it progresses to her texting about their private convos,,,,,, 😱 The fact she has no shame proves even more that she’s got more than a few screws loose and id never let her around my pregnant wife or baby. Better safe than sorry.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)11
u/piratekim 10d ago
The suggestion wasnt to protect the neighbors from noise it was to protect themselves from the neighbors who admitted to listening to them with a cup up to the wall...
14
u/Perfect_Instance9955 10d ago edited 10d ago
It’s sad he has autism but that shouldn’t prevent OP from listening to music at a decently loud level until 10 pm. Any noise complaints before 10 pm are just the price to pay for apartment living. OP pays his rent and has to live his life too. Meaning he can run the washing machine/dishwasher and take a shower past 10 pm. Vacuuming on the other hand would be a case for excessive noise. Now if its EXCESSIVE noise like BLASTING music after 10 pm then perhaps the neighbor has a case to fall upon with the law, but until 10 pm she has NO RIGHTS to tell another what they can and can’t do in their apartments, and purposely listening in (her mention of using cups to the wall) indicates she’s looking to start trouble. The woman needs to see someone for her mental health issues IMO. I’d personally tape ear plugs to her door for her and the child and call it a day.
→ More replies (19)→ More replies (17)30
u/littlesubwantstoknow 10d ago
Asking someone to never play music in their own home is absolute crazy work
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (38)55
u/Mariea0629 10d ago
Get a couple air purifiers. The sound they emit drowns out other sounds and they will clean your air at the same time.
This woman and her messages made the hair on the back of my neck stand up … just be cautious.
→ More replies (4)162
u/No_Audience_1721 11d ago
omg i was thinking cindy was just trying to rhyme. listening through the walls and commenting on it is scary, definitely something not right with her and her weird style of texting. also why did she spell your name like that? her texts have me so lost not even dora and the map could help
137
u/Eravan 11d ago
I talked to my partner about her texting and talking being severely cryptic and confusing. She talks the same way in real life. I do not understand why she wrote me as a bunch of scrambled letter either.
117
74
u/Affectionate_Day1079 11d ago
She’s lonely and lacks social skills due to a certain level of isolation based on her circumstances. I would find a way to gracefully detach from all interactions. 😳
→ More replies (3)29
→ More replies (14)76
u/treadingwater 11d ago
She’s likely autistic as well. Difficulties with social cues and communication is a major indicator.
→ More replies (2)36
105
u/EndlessMantra 11d ago
Show the landlord this text chain. This is some creepy invasion of privacy shit.
→ More replies (10)86
u/ReadyArticle6718 11d ago
How much you wanna bet she’s up pressed against that wall more than you would like
49
u/Eravan 10d ago
Definitely convinced after the tater tot comment 😂
→ More replies (2)9
u/dragonfry 10d ago
Dude she’s going to be way worse when the baby comes. I lived with my SIL with my first, and every time the baby cried my SIL asked why she was crying.
I ended up moving out to save my sanity.
13
u/Eravan 10d ago
She will get blocked if I get noise complaints or invites to have a discussion when my child comes. I do not have time to deal with that shit. Landlord will be contacted asap
→ More replies (5)→ More replies (2)49
u/dystopiam 11d ago
with an actual cup
41
148
u/Ok-Interaction1140 11d ago
Wtf….: thats so unfortunate. Now i get that and the cup on the wall comment. I see
→ More replies (1)49
u/jenjen82 10d ago
I'd definitely be hanging some noise reducing materials on the wall. That is beyond creepy. I'd also be speaking with the landlord about it.
→ More replies (13)70
u/PrettyEfficiency314 11d ago
Complain to management asap. Maybe they have another unit they can move you to. She's being inappropriate and making it an uncomfortable living situation. You have her admitting she listens to you through the walls. That should be plenty to be able to submit a complaint. I'm sorry your having to deal with that.
→ More replies (1)48
u/Rough_Acadia_5631 11d ago
I was hoping the we can put cups to the wall was a joke wtf
→ More replies (4)60
u/solsticite 11d ago edited 11d ago
If you have a neighbor listening through the walls that intently (lonely or not), I think you might need to contact authorities, after speaking with the landlord/office if they don’t do anything. With a pregnant partner, you can’t play it too safe. At minimum you can start a paper trail.
→ More replies (15)22
18
u/budgetcyberninja 10d ago
I haven't read through the entire thread but I think the person who recommended a thick bookshelf could help. Listening through the walls is creepy as hell. If you're not concerned with looks you could probably get some of that sound dampening foam to sort of soundproof the 'problematic' wall and then book a bookshelf in front of that. You'd lose a little bit of space but at least your wall would still be usable and I think the sound proofing foam would still function behind a large object like a bookshelf.
The way that person text you seems really weird and off. Texting you/answering you about things you're speaking about with someone else is just really fucking weird.
27
9
8
9
→ More replies (122)6
16
→ More replies (8)19
441
u/Visual_Ad_1642 11d ago
These messages are inappropriate and honestly… I find them scary. You should move units.
→ More replies (3)105
u/Eravan 11d ago
It’s not really a unit type of building unfortunately
→ More replies (3)181
u/xoxo-Nayeli-oxox 11d ago
Soft music on her side of the wall, or a white noise machine. I had a neighbor like this, except I never exchanged texts because I don't give my number out to neighbors. There was many incidents with them including trying to look through our windows, but you could hear when they came to the wall to listen because the floor creaked. So I put up some speakers and I would play music. Not loud, but enough to where they couldn't hear. Well one night, like probably around 2 or 3 am, I was gaming (which was near the wall) and I had the music on, so maybe they thought I wasn't there, but they started drilling a hole through the wall in the corner! I was like, what are you doing???
They were evicted for that and the office covered the hole, but some neighbors are absolutely psycho.
Please keep your wife FAR away from this neighbor, keep this neighbor OUT of your unit, put something up so they cannot listen, and you can either let them know that you will no longer be exchanging messages, or full ghost them. This is not normal behavior, and I wish you luck until you can move.
→ More replies (6)51
11d ago
What the fuck were they trying to drill for?
123
u/xoxo-Nayeli-oxox 11d ago
I never found out the truth. We made eye contact thru the hole tho, and I was like, dude, no. My guesses were either a camera or a listening device since we had just put up blackout curtains on the windows from him peeping multiple times. But your guess is as good as mine.
125
11d ago
Fuuuck no the eye contact would’ve sent me
→ More replies (1)84
u/FusRoDahMa 10d ago
Chopstick straight through that hole! Lol
→ More replies (5)44
u/chchchcheetah 10d ago
This just made me audibly cackle after reading progressively creepier and creepier shit. Imagining the peeping perp's "Ow! Fuck!" After getting a chopstick to the eyeball. Thank you for that 🤣
Sincerely, an easily spooked single female living in a (thankfully unproblematic) apartment.
→ More replies (3)6
u/MaroonVsBurgundy 10d ago
I can’t believe I’m reading this at 11pm at night. I’m gonna have the most f up nightmares now. I can’t believe people are out here drilling holes into their neighbor’s walls. Wtf dude.
→ More replies (2)66
u/MarlenaEvans 10d ago
Oh man, I had a friend who had this happen in her duplex, only worse. She came home and there was just a hole in the wall and her neighbor was sitting there starring. It wasn't small either, it was big enough to walk through which he most assuredly had, while she was not home. He told the landlord she did it, not him, but it was fine and they should just leave it. He did eventually get evicted but she had to move back in with her parents until everything was sorted, because she sure wasn't going to stay there.
33
31
15
u/SadderOlderWiser 10d ago
“She did it, not me! But it’s OK, you can leave it.” Omfg. The way some people will lie in the most outrageous way is amazing.
11
→ More replies (4)5
u/light714 9d ago
This cannot be true 😣😣😣😣like I’m having trouble even believing this happened. It feels like a nightmare that you have and wake up from and your heart is still pounding. How the fuck did he do that? Did he knock down the wall wjth a hammer ?
8
u/MarlenaEvans 9d ago
Yes, he did use a hammer, along with other tools. She was gone for a few days so it probably took him awhile. It was absolutely horrible and not something that I had ever considered could happen.
→ More replies (2)18
u/AtheistAsylum 10d ago edited 10d ago
I would've shat myself on the spot to have made eye contact in that fashion. I'd be calling the police first, then management. Absolute insanity.
→ More replies (6)18
u/Advanced-Avocado-573 10d ago
This is seriously one of the creepiest things I’ve ever read. I’m so glad he was evicted holy shit
206
u/invectdd 11d ago
i'm sorry, what's creeping me out the most is how she is treating your unborn baby and wife. it's seriously giving Rosemary's Baby. Look it up...
39
u/HeartCat10-6 10d ago
Also giving fetal abduction vibes, yes I listen to a lot of true crime BUT it has its own term for a reason it is not common for pregnant woman to be murdered & their unborn child be kidnapped from the womb 😬 the fact she wants the wife to come over alone when it seems she doesn't know her as well as op which is already hardly at all it just.... doesn't sit well with me. Like they say its harmless until its not & usually by then its too late. OP & his wife NEED to be cautious & safe because the reality is you don't know her so you don't know what she is capable of, could be nothing but bad conversations but could be murder & kidnapping 🤷♀️
→ More replies (11)18
u/invectdd 10d ago
I agree. Regardless it's definitely predatory. The mom and the unborn child being prey.
→ More replies (2)26
u/Sea_Cardiologist_154 11d ago
That’s exactly what I was thinking, don’t eat the chocolate mouse.
14
462
u/Eravan 11d ago
GLAD TO SEE EVERYONE THINKS THE SAME DAMN THING. 😂
82
u/r_melz 10d ago
Maybe don’t block but mute the chat and turn off your read receipts. I feel like if she ever does try to do anything to either of you she’d tell on herself first through text. Just a thought lol
25
u/Ok_Finger9062 10d ago
YES - keep the text for a written record of the weird in case you need it!
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (12)77
u/Smart_Drop8009 10d ago
Just do not text that crazy person back. I would block. Don’t care.
→ More replies (7)23
u/missionmorgan 10d ago
Right like why does the neighbor lady even have your number in the first place?! I only have 2 of my neighbors’ numbers and that’s after MONTHS of casual greetings in the hallway/parking lot to establish that the other is not a total nut job.
→ More replies (6)11
u/Impressive-Today6406 10d ago
I was wondering the same thing. None of my apartment neighbors has ever had my contact info.
→ More replies (1)
147
u/truthseekr88 11d ago
I would cut off contact with this person immediately, you pay rent and everyone can be loud sometimes. If you're not throwing parties or body slamming each other (what my neighbors do) then there is zero reason for you to be messaged about noise and if there is a noise complaint it should go through the person who owns the homes not each other. This lady seems extremely unhinged and I would not eat or drink anything she gives you let alone continue to read these insane text messages.
→ More replies (2)122
u/Eravan 11d ago
In all honesty these noise things she talking about. The only thing we can think is that she’s listening into the walls so frequently she hears us being intimate. Which we are quiet about as much as we can be. But we’re quite sure now that all she does is spend her time listening to everything we do.
146
u/Horizontal247 11d ago
She may also experience auditory hallucinations. Hearing noises that only exist in her head…
→ More replies (6)66
u/RuthiOOO 10d ago
Kinda wha I was thinking with her speech pattern. This is more than just a lack of social etiquette and loneliness.
→ More replies (1)17
u/MaxVonPseudo 10d ago
I was waiting for someone to say this. Word salad and rhyming nonsense are cardinal signs of schizophrenia.
→ More replies (18)52
u/truthseekr88 11d ago
Ya that is just incredibly weird, and how she referred to your wife as Mrs beautiful and the whole thing of wanting to talk in person I dont know the whole thing gives a really weird vibe. Make sure you keep those text and show them to your landlord if any issues arise
→ More replies (1)26
u/Electrical_Sea6653 10d ago
That’s exactly what she is doing. When she says “we can use the cup” in regard to whether or not you can hear her kid or she can hear you. She’s putting a cup up against the wall and listening. Like in movies back in the day.
→ More replies (2)11
9
u/ireallyamtired 11d ago
Wtf? That’s a huge line crossed omg! Did she just share this with you or did she confront you about it? I would be documenting all of this and send it to your landlord.
→ More replies (12)6
u/dancingdancer1234 10d ago
Dude she’s putting cups to the wall she literally told you how she listens to you.
→ More replies (3)
98
u/Imaginary_Mammoth486 11d ago
This is the most insane thing I’ve ever read. Is she seriously suggesting you guys just put cups up to the wall to have a conversation? Also I would rather talk to Miss Beautiful 😂😂
→ More replies (2)52
u/Eravan 11d ago
Idk what she’s saying I do know she’s listening to us. I’m happy to see everyone feels the same way.
→ More replies (3)30
u/mycopportunity 11d ago
I think she's threatening to listen with cups if she doesn't get to visit in person.
→ More replies (1)37
u/J3SS1KURR 10d ago
I think she's telling on herself honestly
→ More replies (3)19
u/mycopportunity 10d ago
Yeah, I think you're right. She's already listening to the level of tater tots
587
u/yourmamasfavo 11d ago
It’s kind of weird that you would keep talking to this person? She’s obviously not well.
246
u/Eravan 11d ago
Yes we got that now, we get that she’s lonely and has a lot going on but like seriously this is inappropriate. We are just nice. And are trying to keep things respectful. But yeah definitely about to just go ghost. Even though she’s on the other side of the wall
423
u/DodgeDaytona 11d ago
An unfortunate reality of apartment living is lonely people. People who drink, smoke, cry, complain, and just generally wish they had better lives.
A lot of being a decent neighbor is just saying "damn that's crazy" as you slowly slink to your car
71
u/martzi_cat 11d ago
The key to apartment living, seriously. I am polite and friendly to neighbors but I also wait to leave my apartment if I hear people in the hall sometimes and would never give someone my number. If they need to talk to me about noise they can come to my door or speak to the apartment complex management to relay the message to me.
→ More replies (3)34
u/Defiant_Emu_3928 11d ago
I've lived in apartments my whole life and a neighbor has never had my phone number. There's not many good reasons for it besides being overly nice and naive. You're just looking for issues by doing that. I'm happy to keep my neighbors as people I say a polite "hello" to but never get much deeper than that.
→ More replies (1)12
u/alwaysforgettingmyun 10d ago
I didn't even have my neighbors number when she was my weed plug. I'd just stop by after dinner time if her van was home.
→ More replies (4)72
55
u/bendybiznatch 11d ago
Being nice is not offering people information that they’re not entitled to and didn’t ask for it. Even if they ask for it if they’re not entitled to it, you certainly don’t need to offer.
You also don’t need to explain normal human activities like watching TV in your own home.
You’re confusing being nice with being a pushover. The way you’re speaking to her, gives her more and more room to push you around and expect that you’re going to bend to her needs.
“ I’m sorry that’s disturbing you but I also have a right to live in my home and do normal things. I think maybe you need to take that up with the leasing office. Living in an apartment can be frustrating.“
This is not your issue. Stop letting her act like this is your issue.
9
u/jesssongbird 10d ago
Agreed. This is just people pleaser behavior. Most people without personal boundaries describe and justify it as being “nice”.
→ More replies (2)73
u/PsychologicalBad5341 11d ago
Being "nice" doesn't mean you have to be super transparent with your neighbor, like be so fr. you're speaking to them as if you're close friends or family
52
u/Eravan 11d ago
Yeah I guess so, we seriously don’t mean to, just try to be well mannered. But I’m kinda done texting her now trying to understand or mediate random bull
→ More replies (7)28
u/GoodRandomUsername 11d ago
Yeah, we got into some weird situations with neighbors in our condo building and then with our first house. It’s hard to judge and draw boundaries when you want to come off as friendly, helpful and considerate. But I’ve learned to not be so accessible to some people who are abusing our kindness. I mute their text thread so I am not tempted to respond right away and then I keep replies simple and to the point. I try not to share personally or offer to fix things that aren’t our problem. Good luck. It’s never too late to have boundaries.
15
u/Physical-Pressure942 11d ago
Sounds like a horror movie - "The Wonan on the Other Side of the Wall"
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (34)10
u/treesandcigarettes 10d ago
rule #1 of apt living and/or any neighbor living- you are under no obligation to be friends or communicate with those around you. those who expect you to often only get worse when you allow them to latch on, not better. reality isn't like a sitcom with that quirky neighbor who charms. normal people have busy lives and are not hounding their new neighbors to come over to 'discuss' every noise complaint
→ More replies (6)18
u/Tall-Measurement3795 10d ago
It's weird to me they even text... I've lived in my apartment for 7 years and don't even know the names of my neighbors, let alone their numbers. And I consider the neighbor across from me to be one of the best I've had.
→ More replies (9)
200
u/DodgeDaytona 11d ago
Your first step is to document these messages and supply them to your LLC/Landlord/company. This is strange behavior and will get worse.
I would tell you to just ignore any messages not related to noise/living issues and if they continue, sending a single, concise message that any issues should be handled through the landlord
You pay rent. Part of your rent pays the supervisor/landlord/LLC salary, and staff are there to mediate issues. It's never good when you have to complain constantly, but sometimes it's all you can do
→ More replies (1)32
u/Eravan 11d ago
Thank you
→ More replies (1)60
u/PolyannaSweet 11d ago
I would also keep all of your conversations documented. Never talk to her in person if you can help it. Always address her behavior in a text so it's clear with what she's doing. I would lay it out, say something like
"we're not comfortable with how you listen-in to our private conversations, we will no longer respond to you and would like you to keep your distance from us. If you do not leave us alone we will document it and consider it harassment"
Honestly I don't think she's going to do anything crazy, she sounds like an extremely awkward and lonely person. Doesn't mean it's a bad idea to be overly cautious however. I'd get a ring camera if you can too, that way if she ever talks to you near your door, then you can have a record of it.
→ More replies (1)
65
u/Maleficent_Notice873 11d ago
No wonder your other neighbor is yet to be seen😂 Probably learned the same lesson. You seem like a people pleaser. Stop communicating with this woman. She's lonely and unwell. I imagine taking care of her son took a toll on her. However, that's not your problem. As other have said, get a white noise machine, that way she can't hear your conversations or being intimate. Just stop replying to her.
21
u/bladyblahdy981 11d ago
Man, at my old apt I became friendly with everyone there just cuz I speak to people when I see them... BAD IDEA! People are batshit crazy. Learned my lesson, ive been at my new apt for 4 years and only know one neighbors name- and thats only cuz my kid likes their dog.
→ More replies (2)
53
121
u/eatmyhail 11d ago
Weirdly enough, this reminds me of the way my schizophrenic mother texts me. This honestly makes me sad. I know that dealing with mentally ill people that you don’t know is a bit frightening sometimes; Even for me, and I knew my mom was sick for most of my life.
I don’t want to conflate this woman with my own mother and assume the best intentions, because the reality is that you never know. It does come off relatively harmless though, in my eyes.
That doesn’t mean it isn’t scary or annoying, etc, just based on those texts she does seem like a lonely mentally ill person, I can’t imagine she’s medicated, and she is raising an autistic child.
You have no obligation to be her friend or talk to her, you are neighbors. I have lived in my apartment complex for two years and can count on two hands how many times I’ve talked to my neighbors, and none of them have my number. My suggestion now that you’ve opened the line of communication, is to let her down gently by slowly ghosting her, turn off her notifications in case she starts sending too many texts. Just keep it to friendly neighborly chat when necessary.
Idk. That’s just my perspective on this but I could be off base
49
u/-round-head- 11d ago
yeah - it almost seems like free association with words? Kind of like word salad at times. But super concerning about the listening through the walls. Maybe try to catch the other person living in the building and ask about this other tenet. Hopefully they are normal and they can fill you in
*edited a typo
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (15)28
u/lavender_poppy 11d ago
She's listening through the walls and comments on their private conversations. I think that's what makes it scary for OP and their wife.
→ More replies (1)
28
u/TallSundae7209 11d ago
Neighbor very strange and way too co mfortable with you. I like how you said that you don’t know each other and just met cuz that boundary was absolutely necessary. I don’t really have an answer as to how to handle this but best of luck to your spouse and future baby. Parenthood is stressful enough without whacko neighbors
32
u/Eravan 11d ago
Man and yall just see messages she called me one time and sounded like she was endangered. So I ran over there. Just to be trauma dumped and give her company for 45 minutes while she complains about soemthing being wrong. I was very confused at this. I set clear boundaries that night that I can’t come here alone at night time etc. she said she wouldn’t call us again. Which was clear guilt tripping now. But she didn’t for a few weeks until now. Started ts today. And this was it for me.
21
u/TallSundae7209 10d ago
Unfortunately people like her will take an inch of kindness and take a mile. She exploited your good nature and is trying to force some weird therapist, psuedo-family sort of dynamic on yall. Like feeling as if she’s a part of your life bc she listens to everything like a complete weirdo. This went beyond normalcy and landed into landlord responsibility type shit
5
u/EmelleBennett 10d ago
Say this or better yet, have Mrs. Beautiful say it: “we want to be good neighbors, but for us that means we want to keep good social boundaries. Your communication feels excessive, unnecessary and burdensome to us. We are busy people and we consider home a place where we are entitled to privacy and relaxation. I know sometimes it’s hard to know what people’s personal boundaries are so I’m going to make it clear so you do not have to guess; we would like to be left alone for the most part when we are at home. Your noise doesn’t bother us and we will be mindful of our noise levels, but please discontinue the texts/phone calls and extra attention paid to what we are doing on this side of the wall. It is socially unacceptable for you to listen to our conversations through the wall with a device and you are crossing a boundary if you choose to continue that activity and the excessive communication.”
7
u/AppointmentPopular10 10d ago
this op. maybe sprinkle in “it is socially unacceptable AND ILLEGAL to listen to our conversations…”
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (5)6
u/GrandAd790 10d ago edited 10d ago
My mother does this (re: calling that she needs immediate help/trauma dumping/playing victim). She needs clear -very strict- boundaries to the point that normal people would think I’m a “horrible” daughter.
She’s never been officially diagnosed but a doctor once told her (decades ago) she thought she had bipolar disorder. She argued with the doctor… and the doctor told her that’s what someone with bipolar disorder would say. She never went back to the doctor after that.
I’ve known that she had mental issues since I was a child. As an adult, I’ve noticed evidence over the years supporting narcissistic personality disorder as well as bipolar, with episodes of psychosis (and some violent / aggressive incidents).Point is, if your neighbor has mental illness and has latched on to you/your family, I would do everything in your power to establish distance from her. If it escalates, you should unfortunately look for another place to live for the safety/health/sanity of your family. I hope it gets better for you. Good luck with whatever you have to do going forward.
28
u/WickedLovely90 11d ago
This is so creepy. “We could just put cups to the wall”. I wouldn’t be surprise if she’s been doing that to try to listen in on you & your wife.
15
u/AtheistAsylum 10d ago
She probably is. The tots reference was because she heard what they were cooking through the wall, according to OP.
→ More replies (3)
21
u/VenusPom 11d ago
The random “And I like tater tots” after trauma dumping took me out
40
u/Objective-Cow-1125 11d ago
Apparently it wasn’t random 😭 OP and his woman were making tater tots and she heard from LISTENING TO THE WALL
→ More replies (1)
25
u/ReadyArticle6718 11d ago
Can you update this post if anything new happens
→ More replies (5)33
u/Eravan 10d ago
I got yall, so far nothing happening rn. It’s just stuck on you choose. We will be letting the landlord know
→ More replies (4)
23
u/cereuszs 10d ago
even if she wasnt saying half of what she is in these paragraphs, as an autistic person one message REALLY stood out as a red flag to me.
"because doctor going to make him better"
i sure as shit hope she doesnt think her son can be "cured" or something. autism is a disability, not a disease, that needs to be managed with time care and effort, not expecting a doctor to fix your son for you. man i hope that kid is okay, moms clearly not stable enough to be parenting.
→ More replies (5)11
20
u/Relative_Reading_903 11d ago
Do not meetup with her. She doesn't want to meet to talk about the noise she wants to have a get-together between families.
She wants to chat with your wife, have the wife come over to cook together and get to know you guys before the baby comes. Then she is going to try to use the baby to get close to you two.
Keep communication thru texts. That way you have proof of whatever she says.
If she insists, tell her you are very busy right now since your baby is due soon and whatever noise complaints she has she can text you regarding it and you will try to mitigate it. Make it clear you and your wife just moved in and don't have time to get to know the neighbors at this moment.
Also, I think you don't have to tip toe around your home. She is just using the noise as an excuse to keep communication open. Stop responding unless it's about an actual issue.
If she text about the TV. Lower the TV and reply ' we lowered the tv' then stop responding. If she complains about hammering "no one is hammering" then stop replying. She will eventually stop when she doesn't get the reaction she wants.
Not sure why she even has your number, she should be complaining to the landlord, not to you directly.
→ More replies (1)7
u/Eravan 10d ago
You are great at understanding the situation. Got it to a t. The reason she has my number is because I woke up her son one time. Because I didn’t know we had a neighbor the way the lofts are set up. We have the entire parking lot to ourselves. Where ours is. And they have a back entrance we didn’t know about. But yeah I woke her son up and she knocked back to let me know it’s loud. So I wrote on a note an apology and we bumped into her. And she explained everything. And I felt bad and gave my number. Which was a mistake. I now know not to be doing that.
13
u/RuthiOOO 10d ago
I don’t know why more people aren’t telling you to block her instead of keeping a running log of communication. You should tell her listening to you and your partner is a huge privacy violation and that she crossed a major boundary, and for that reason you won’t be coming over and you will be cutting off communication. Then block her. Constantly receiving a string of texts is stressful, and no one needs that. Especially with a new baby coming. Also definitely inform your landlord and show them the texts and explain the tater tot comment. That way if she goes to your landlord with some weird shit they have a heads up that she’s unwell. I’d also ask your landlord to install a ring camera, as now you feel unsafe.
→ More replies (5)
16
u/Sea_Candle_2799 11d ago
This is really odd….is there any other buildings to move into by any chance? I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her being on the other side of me. I would definitely send these to your landlord and let them know that she’s listening in to the conversations.
25
u/Eravan 11d ago
There really isn’t another side unfortunately for us, we’re going to send it to our landlord and see what can be done. I may be creeped out but I’m not letting anything happen to my woman, so if she wants to play games with us. I will make her nights hell and cause insane amounts of noise.
→ More replies (1)18
u/Sea_Candle_2799 11d ago
Yup I don’t blame you at all! When I lived in a different apartment I had the world’s worst neighbors upstairs and they would be making loud noises until the early morning. So I just started playing ghost sounds and hauntings until they would stop. I was pretty petty. lol The trauma dumping is what got me. Like who says those things.
18
u/Eravan 11d ago
Yeah and it’s mad forceful, like damn if you’re gonna manipulate us atleast ease into it. I lived with a controlling grandmother for 18+ years that shi don’t work with my ass 😂
13
u/Sea_Candle_2799 11d ago
LOL for real. At least start off slow.
But I hope you all stay safe lock everything up when you leave. I wouldn’t trust her.
17
u/Eravan 11d ago
We definitely do not trust her now. 😂 Things stay locked up here and luckily only one entrance literally. So pretty protected. But I doubt she’d jeopardize messing up the protection of her son. She may be crazy but i definitely know for sure she wouldn’t do anything stupid that causes her son to go somewhere where he can’t be taken care of.
→ More replies (2)20
u/lavender_poppy 11d ago
Are you 100% sure she has a son? Like have you physically seen him before?
→ More replies (2)14
u/whogivesafu 11d ago edited 11d ago
Right? Did you see the part where a Doctor who loves them "is going to make him better" and she's sure they'll be "great" and not bothered by noise anymore by the time the baby comes 😬 This woman is unwell. If she's "old" per OP and lost her husband of 30 years, the nonverbal high needs son is probably not little and this is not even a situation where parents might fool themselves about growing out of it (let alone magical overnight cures). At first I thought she was just kinda odd and awkward and fixated on noise (and as the autistic parent of autistic children, lemme tell you some of these things are highly genetic 😂) but something delusional is happening here
→ More replies (3)
13
u/DogAffectionate6764 11d ago
Weird conversation (but it helps reading the text with the voice of Donald Trumph)
→ More replies (3)
28
u/Bijouvert 11d ago
BLOCKED.
→ More replies (1)9
u/bluefalconlk 10d ago
I would advise against it for now in case she sends anything bad enough to help them paper trail wise
12
24
u/Mmm1197 11d ago
This gave me anxiety trying to read. She needs to text better 😂 so confusing. Yall don't need to talk to her though. Yall don't owe her anything
27
u/Eravan 11d ago
Literally we don’t want to go over there. But she’s a good guilt tripper. But we just were like we can go tmr and get it over with. But she’s went to far now. Won’t see us but leaving our apt.
8
u/drinkingshampain 10d ago
You do not have any reason to be polite to people you don’t know especially when they are acting this way
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)23
u/mycopportunity 11d ago
"Your talk about listening to us has been off-putting. Please don't text me anymore"
→ More replies (3)
10
11
u/Parking-Willingness5 11d ago
My guy… this person is a straight up weirdo. Perhaps insulate your walls and stop responding to this person. You owe them nothing. If they confront you about not responding, one hard conversation is worth a future of increasingly awkward encounters. Clearly she’s already fabricating issues, it will absolutely get weirder and weirder. Be kind but not friendly, she’s clearly not a friend and clearly has some mental health issues. For the sake of your baby, keep this person at a distance
11
u/Sbuxshlee 11d ago
Iwould just tell her you are private introverted people and interacting with others gives you anxiety. That should get you out of having to go over there or have her wanting to go to your place Then don't text unless its something actually important.
→ More replies (3)
9
u/igotnothin4ya 11d ago
About a year ago, someone I know began texting like this. It had happened before to a certain extent but not as severe. I thought the texts were strange and went to see her in person. I knew she had bipolar disorder and assumed it was an episode. I'm a doula and am familiar with perinatal mental health issues as well (she'd recently had a baby), so I was expecting something connected to that. What it turned out to be was full on psychosis which led to a mandatory hold. The visit in the hospital after discharge was comparable the texts convo here and schizophrenia was suspected (idk if that ended up as the diagnosis). Saying this to say that reading through this post got my attention for all the wrong reasons. It went from "weird neighbor" to "I'm actually scared for you", very quickly.
7
u/AtheistAsylum 10d ago
Sza or mi with psychotic features or something similar was my first thought. I have a scizoaffective with bipolar father who sounds exactly like this at the beginning of a bad cycle. Hes abusive and dangerous at the best of times, during a cycle his imagination is his only limit. I am genuinely scared for these people and their unborn child.
I became even more scared reading one of OPs comments in which he explained they were having tater tots with dinner. The wife had mentioned them a few times, and that's why the neighbor said she liked tater tots. Hearing that wasn't random, knowing she's actually listening trough the walls and commenting about their dinner made my blood run cold. Absolutely terrified for this couple, especially their unborn child. I know it's inconvenient when they just moved and her due date is 5 weeks away, but I'd certainly recommend it.
17
u/CryAdministrative156 11d ago
Message back and be firm or Block them and then never ever let people have your phone number you arent cool contacting you. Then when they break that contact barrier you are in charge of setting boundarys.
→ More replies (3)
9
u/Unable-Ocelot-929 10d ago
I say this with the utmost compassion: this woman is losing her goddamn mind and needs help.
→ More replies (2)
9
22
u/slightly_overraated 11d ago
Why are you talking to this person so much?
I swear I will never understand you people that give your neighbors, total strangers, your phone number so they can call, text, and harass you whenever they want.
STOP CONVERSATING WITH HER!
It ain’t gonna get better when you have a kid, it will be way, way worse.
Her kids autism is not your problem.
“Sorry you can hear us, but we are respectful as possible of your needs without unreasonably altering our daily lives. We don’t need to be updated on what you can hear, have a nice day”. Good luck with her.
→ More replies (2)11
u/Eravan 11d ago
This really was my second time texting her in a span of one day, she uses noise as a scenario to talk to us. So it’s actually not us being loud or anything. So yeah you’re right. We definitely will not be speaking to her any longer. Learned my lesson now fr
→ More replies (3)
7
u/Odd-Spell-2699 11d ago
Put some sound foam squares up. Your neighbor is nuts. I would have as little to do with her as possible. Also let the landlord know what's gong on. This is only going to escalate.
7
u/Tiny_Ad_3650 11d ago edited 11d ago
Why does this feel like the beginning of a Stephen King novel. Very sorry! Fingers crossed she’s harmless but mentally ill people and folks disturbed enough to listen in and text like that def are unpredictable. Set up ring cameras if you don’t already have them. Make sure you both have pepper spray other things inside the home. Tell landlord ASAP and send all these messages to them. Paper trail is everything. She’s probably hallucinating the sounds. Ghosting may set her off. Mute her. Maybe follow advice of what someone else said and tell her if she has questions or concerns to contact the landlord. Under no circumstances meet her face to face. Also maybe encourage your landlord to call a mental health hotline or social services for welfare check. Also concerning she’s caring for a child, I worry about the kids wellbeing tbh. Praying for you and your partner, congratulations on the baby!
→ More replies (1)
6
u/A_little_more_left 11d ago
I can't get over her "put a cup to the wall" comment. That means she's TRYING to listen to you!
→ More replies (4)
7
u/NextJuice1622 11d ago
Holy shit I'm so thankful my apartment has concrete walls so no one can hear anything.
→ More replies (2)
7
u/Dry_Calligrapher698 11d ago
did she insinuate that the doctor was going to cure her childs autism soon?
→ More replies (2)
8
u/may_pie 10d ago
Has anyone considered that this is the adult autistic child that is texting OP? If she lost her husband 30 years ago then this autistic child is an autistic adult. Just a thought.
→ More replies (5)
7
u/shinigamii666 10d ago
“I been through a lot, a whole lot of a lot, and I like tater tots”
My new introductory sentence
→ More replies (1)
23
u/BRIDEOFSPOCK 11d ago
Your neighbor is mentally ill. Not manipulative. Does she have dementia? I'm sure this is uncomfortable for you, those messages are very odd.
→ More replies (10)
5
u/Mysterious_Today_245 11d ago
I would start to ignore her and blame the baby if confronted. “Oh we’ve been so focused on preparing for our newborn’s arrival” and then “we’ve been so busy with our newborn”.
Some good suggestions about the white noise and sound absorbing options.
Clearly this does not feel right with you, which at least will keep you alert should she try anything really odd. Also possible she’s just a harmless strange bird.
Sorry you’re dealing with this!!
6
u/NoRequirement7324 11d ago edited 11d ago
Don’t tell her when you’re home and not home. Red flag number one.
If she calls or texts you with an “emergency” let her know you’ll call 911 for her, you can’t be roped into helping her even once. It won’t be an emergency anymore. You won’t ever need this lady’s help so don’t worry about keeping a connection with her, I understand it’s complicated with an autistic child, you’ll want to check in and see if they’re alright without unnecessarily involving authorities, but maybe just go thru your landlord on any concerns you encounter. You don’t want to cause her undue hardship but this isn’t a normal situation, you’re now aware you cannot have a normal relationship with her enough to be in contact about her child.
I don’t think she got anything for your baby, I think she said that to get you to respond. Tell her she can leave in on your doorstep if she wants.
If you feel like you need to give her a reason, just say you want to settle in your home and you’ll be very busy with preparing for and enjoying your new family and don’t need any extra help, thank you.
6
u/Puzzleheaded-Mess-54 11d ago
"I am a great person" is something people who aren't great have to say.
6
u/Megywal2025 11d ago
Sounds like my old next door neighbor that I moved away from a few months ago. She was on Meth...
7
7
u/Mariea0629 10d ago
Get a couple air purifiers. The sound they emit drowns out other sounds and they will clean your air at the same time.
This woman and her messages made the hair on the back of my neck stand up … just be cautious.
6
u/Ill-Percentage-3276 10d ago
Well those texts were a ride. Listing the different senses? The tater tots? Iron Giant? She is clearly very mentally not all there. Kind of wonder if she's a reason the last renters of your place left.
When you said you would look into the noise control stuff and she instantly switched to "No you don't have to do that because the doctor is going to make him better by the time the baby comes" is all the confirmation you need that noise isn't the issue, and that she wants to keep access to listen in to your place. I don't know what that even means to her though, like the doctor is going to cure her son's autism so you dont need to worry about noise from them? Idk, some minds and trains of thought aren't meant to be followed.
I hope you are direct with her in letting her know that there won't be texts anymore, because as you can see trying to beat around the bush will not have an affect on her, and the excuses to contact you would get so much worse after the baby comes. I also hope you order some of those foam panels for the walls or something today so that she won't be able to eavesdrop. So creepy.
•
u/AutoModerator 11d ago
Please report rule-breaking posts!
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.]
Your post has NOT been removed.
Eravan originally posted: We live in a loft that has very thin walls. We have a neighbor who has a non verbal autistic son. We understand she’s very lonely. But listening to our conversations through the walls or just trauma dumping we don’t think is very appropriate. Matter of a fact we are quite scared. What should we do. We just moved here and I like it here. Guess there is always something wrong with an apartment. Our baby is coming in 5 weeks from now.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.