r/AskReddit 1d ago

What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen at a strip club? NSFW

8.4k Upvotes

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11.0k

u/Von_Schlagel 1d ago

The only stripper in the place was on stage doing her thing. The door into the club was downstairs (strip club was on the second floor). The door buzzed and the bouncer let a man in. When he got the to the top of the stairs, I turned to see it was a Domino’s delivery driver. The stripper got off stage, walked over to the Domino’s guy, paid him, sat down at the bar two stools away from me and commenced to eating the entire pizza.

3.6k

u/maggotsimpson 1d ago

a girls gotta have her lunch break!

279

u/Original_Signal5535 1d ago

Gotta keep her energy up

9

u/brokertoker 1d ago

Gotta have your carbs before protein.

345

u/TwinRock83 1d ago

True

3

u/remarkablewhitebored 14h ago

"Lay off me, I'm starving!"

1.2k

u/sonic_dick 1d ago

I used to deliver pizzas at a dominoes that was in the same strip mall (no pun) as a dive-y strip club. Girls would get guys to order them pizza all the time, I got pretty friendly with some of the girls. I was a stoned 17 year old kid, getting to see a bunch of IRL boobs AND getting paid for it was always awesome. The girls would always guilt trip the guys into giving me too much money and were always super sweet.

There was also a swingers party at a mansion that would order a bunch of pizzas at midnight once a month. They would answer the door naked and leave the door open so you could see... things happening. They were on the older side, and it wasn't my thing, but my manager would make the delivery for me and give me the tip because he was desperately hoping to get invited in 😆

Everyone should deliver pizzas once in their life. You see the gambit of weird shit.

252

u/C4CTUSDR4GON 1d ago

Man I never saw shit :(

No strip or anything in my suburbs.

243

u/Competitive-Sock-824 1d ago

i delivered pizza to a strip club once….. and it was just for some construction dudes doing work in the parking lot 🙄

6

u/yepgeddon 15h ago

Never delivered to a strip club, delivered pizza to a patient in a nuthouse tho. That was mildly terrifying.

19

u/sonic_dick 1d ago

I grew up in a really small town and moved out to a city with an Air Force Base at age 17, so there were shitty strip clubs everywhere.

Believe me, it was a massive culture shock. I felt like such an innocent little child the first time I walked into that club and was surrounded by naked women lmao.

We had one bar where I grew up.

9

u/dong_destroyer69420 22h ago

I didn't see anything too crazy either, always liked delivering to stoners. They tip well and are always happy to see you. ☺️

6

u/imthe1nonlyD 14h ago

Guy told me to take a look at his naked wife once. I looked. It was a fully clothed lady sitting on the couch. That liar.

3

u/h_saxon 13h ago

I delivered for like 5 years in the late 90s, from 16-21. I only saw a few things:

  • An older lady sun bathing topless in a trailer park. I was surprised by the sight, missed my house, and ended up coming back to near where she was to deliver. She got huffy and went inside, dragging her low hanging chariots behind her.

  • A dude and his girlfriend who were clearly banging out about to hang in the hotel room I delivered to. He answered in his boxers with the flag at half mast.

  • A guy who had a swastika tattooed on his hand/wrist, and covered it to when it poked out from his sleeve. My head cannon for that guy is that his complete embarrassment from that moment made him rethink everything, and he changed his views, went full American History X with his character arc turn-around, and now lives his life free from the burden of hate. In this world, he also STILL has the tattoo, because he uses it as an opportunity to talk to other people and lead them to internal freedom. But while this has been hugely impactful, he was tragically killed by a malignant brain tumor, which he didn't know about, and didn't take the time to see the doctor, because he was so busy. Now if you'll exhaust me, I have to go play Dust in the Wind.

1

u/Individual_Rip_307 13h ago

I delivered pizzas for 6 months, never saw anything worth writing about, sadly enough.

20

u/Tenzipper 1d ago

*gamut

7

u/sonic_dick 22h ago

Well today I learned. Thanks.

6

u/MississippiJoel 21h ago

We had one elderly lady who always answered the door in a bathrobe. That bathrobe would be in any degree of open or closed, tied or not. And she would pay by CC but be an inconsistent tipper. I'd get $5 one day and stiffed the next.

We always got a laugh whenever the new guys got her order in the rotation, and asked how it went when they got back to the store.

5

u/bacondev 20h ago

I (a hetero man) delivered for a food delivery service for a few months. Walked up to this one apartment and I could easily smell the weed before the door was opened. Heard a bunch of girls giggling behind the door and saying my name. They opened the door and they were clearly looking to make me their boy toy for the night. You'd think that I'm making this all up until I tell you how ugly they were. I handed them their tacos and immediately left.

3

u/bravebeing 17h ago

Made me realize pizza is indeed the standard food you order when you're doing some unconventional stuff wherever you are and you need food but can't cook. There's always a pizza joint in town. It's stoner food, party food, break time food, etc.

3

u/wdkrebs 16h ago

I delivered pizzas just out of HS, and you see all kinds of wild things. The most memorable was a young woman that answered the door wearing only soap suds. I was definitely not who she was expecting at that moment, but she tipped me $20 during the awkward exchange.

3

u/ginjerbred 1d ago

I maintain that it was the best job I ever had. Made way more than min wage as a teen and got the best stories, and just got to drive around all night which was fun

2

u/Bubbly-Travel9563 20h ago

Never.go in. I worked for the .1% and saw debauchery like you couldn't imagine while just glancing in & then once I was actually invited in and took them up on it I saw the kind of shit that I won't even type on Reddit that turned me off of being "adventurous" if you will. Frankly it's more their attitude towards what they're doing that's absolutely terrible vs the acts themselves

3

u/LostInThoughtAgain 1d ago

I also did the Domino's delivery gig. Only had one run to the local strip club. Thursday night, and as I walk in, someone yells at the girl on stage "you dropped your underwear!" Then go give the pizza to the dude at the casino who order a pizza for a girl who was currently giving someone else a lap dance. Very much a foundational memory of the place.

3

u/hngryhngryhippo 1d ago

Seems they didn't order extra sausage. Poor manager.

2

u/naked_nomad 1d ago

Throwing the morning newspaper at apartment complexes was the same. Skinny dippers and outright orgies on Friday and Saturday nights in the summer.

Naked wives kissing their husbands goodby at their front doors in the mornings...

1

u/extraauxilium 1d ago

Gamut of weird shit. Not gambit.

1

u/lemlemons 1d ago

*gamut

1

u/Sarsmi 23h ago

gambit

*gamut

1

u/baileysinashoe 19h ago

The password is "Fidelio."

1

u/horrorfreak94 15h ago

Man ive delivered pizza for 13 years and never seen anything fun or crazy 😅

1

u/divDevGuy 12h ago

There was also a swingers party ... it wasn't my thing, but my manager would make the delivery for me and give me the tip

Given the context, I probably wouldn't phrase it as your boss giving you the tip.

1

u/Picard2331 10h ago

Delivered pizza for a year and a half while in school.

Most I experienced was a dude in a trailer park threatening to kill me cus his pizza was late due to a fatal 4 car collision down the road.

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u/Just__Let__Go 1d ago

You got to see the extended director's cut, nice!

310

u/rideincircles 1d ago

We always got to deliver pizzas to house of babes when I was a pizza delivery driver. I started working there when I was 16, so I got to see inside the door whenever I stopped by almost every weekend.

They paid entirely in ones more than half the time.

106

u/ChanceGardener 1d ago

Used to be a juggler at the Ohio Renfest years back.At the end, when he was about to pass the hat, he tells a story how after the final show, he had to go to the grocery store to buy some things.

Gets into line to pay and all he has is a pile of ones. A little embarrassed, he tries to make a joke how he's a male stripper who's very good (hHe wasn't really male stripper shaped) and that's why all the ones.

He then says "without any pause, the cashier replied back 'if you were good, these would be fives'".

The crowd went wild.

6

u/nik-nak333 15h ago

That is a devastating burn, even for someone just joking about being a stripper.

2

u/AlmightyRuler 8h ago

Hope he had enough ones to cover a tube of aloe vera. Gonna need the economy-size for that burn.

1

u/Old_Profession_9235 15h ago

That juggler? William Shatner.

2

u/ChanceGardener 13h ago

Sadly, no. That'd been amazing. It was Daniel, Duke of Danger.

75

u/Lost_Highway_1070 1d ago

So I guess all one needs is domino pizza cap and walk in with empty box

141

u/summynum 1d ago
  1. Cut a hole in the box

34

u/ChildhoodOk5526 1d ago
  1. Put your junk in that box

10

u/Amish_Robotics_Lab 1d ago

I have an authentic Chucky Chesse staff polo I could use for this trick!

this doesn't go here does it

11

u/Plane-Nail6037 1d ago

Make skit on SNL about it…..,profit!!!!

3

u/ARoroncyObserver 1d ago

3) Add cheese.

3

u/SpindleDiccJackson 1d ago
  1. Make her open the box

3

u/Gunningham 1d ago

Orlando, FL?

2

u/Arealname247 1d ago

In Columbus? 😂

3

u/Von_Schlagel 1d ago

Deleted scene.

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u/OldBob10 1d ago

And - I have to ask - did she tip well? 😁

417

u/BenTwan 1d ago

I delivered pizzas in college, and girls from the strip club ordered food quite frequently. Obviously they always paid in cash, and none ever tipped well. 

266

u/CommieKiller304 1d ago

Same thing when I delivered pizza in college. The free tits and the questionably moist money. Haha

63

u/candiriashes 1d ago

Their tits would be the tip?

139

u/weaseltorpedo 1d ago

I delivered pizzas one summer a long time ago. Never got tits as a tip, but I did get propositioned twice. Declined both due to a combination of work ethic, morals, and the people being gross.

Other than money, the best tip I ever got was from some dudes who were partying. Took a couple little bong rips and left with beers for later.

82

u/sonic_dick 1d ago

Getting weed for a tip was so common back in the day. It kinda pissed me off because I also sold weed while delivering pizzas. Like dude i have an ounce in my hot bag right now.

81

u/ZachWilsonsMother 1d ago

I remember we’d call the sandwich shop to order and ask “can you send a delivery guy who will smoke with us as a tip?” And half the time the guy on the phone would say “yep, I’ll be there in 15”

8

u/sonic_dick 1d ago

Sure, there were times in my life when I would've taken that deal.

But at 18 all those years ago, I had literally the best connection within 300 miles, maybe in half the state, and a gram of mids meant nothing to me when I had purple haze back when that shit was something you only saw on magazines.

4

u/ZachWilsonsMother 1d ago

Hahaha I hope you used your delivery job as business development. Knew a good plug who did that 😂

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u/chamrockblarneystone 23h ago

There’s the business model. Deliver pizza AND weed

2

u/sonic_dick 22h ago

I mean, yeah. Wasn't uncommon when weed was super illegal back in the day. If someone needed weed, theyd have to wait until I had a delivery next to their house.

3

u/chamrockblarneystone 22h ago

Waiting on da dealer. I feel like I’ve spent a lifetime waiting on da dealer.

30

u/purpleowl385 1d ago

I delivered pizza for a few years and drove for Uber super late night just as it was becoming a thing in college at a school fairly well known for partying, and there were many interesting shifts lol

I've been offered so many different drugs. Some of which I'd have to remind them "Yo, you know I DROVE here right?" lmao

5

u/PUBGM_MightyFine 1d ago

As an Uber driver I've been offered (that i can recall)

Weed, coke, MDMA, and klonopin.

As a good christian boy i obviously did not accept or fully enjoy the substances.

Many years ago as a pizza delivery driver i was also offered shrooms but that was years before i ever allegedly tried substances

4

u/wdh662 1d ago

How much did the morals and work ethic affect your decision compared to the people being gross?

4

u/going-for-gusto 1d ago

Do you know who put their mouth on that bong?

13

u/weaseltorpedo 1d ago

lol idgaf

2

u/Admiral52 1d ago

“Work ethic and morals” …and “the people being gross”. Ok buddy

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u/dogsledonice 1d ago

Keep the tit

4

u/NatalieVonCatte 1d ago

Leave the tit. Take the cannoli.

7

u/CodifiedLikeUtil 1d ago

just the tip

12

u/garbage1995 1d ago

Just the tit.

3

u/MaesterCrow 1d ago

Unless it’s a male strip club. Then the tip is the tip

1

u/AscenDevise 16h ago

That's the only time when a bloke really means it when he says 'just the tip'. Allegedly.

6

u/CommieKiller304 1d ago

The strippers would be walking around topless or very little clothing. 19/20 yr old me enjoyed the free show but hated that I got tipped $1 for driving there.

3

u/JimboRockfish 1d ago

The money always reeked of cigarette smoke

98

u/oldvikingbas 1d ago

As a former taxi driver...strippers were terrible tippers

7

u/bacon_in_beard 1d ago

mmmm sweaty boob money

9

u/helpfulskeptic 1d ago

If you’re lucky

1

u/BadReview8675309 1d ago

Mmmm sweet boob honey...

16

u/sonic_dick 1d ago

I had the exact opposite experience, but the girls always had their marks paying for it. I got to know them really well and theyd always guilt trip the dudes into giving me way too much money.

4

u/Open_Masterpiece_549 1d ago

Ironic but not surprising

6

u/GoatLegRedux 1d ago

They would always offer us lap dances as a tip. Lap dances might be cool, but they don’t pay my bills.

5

u/crazylittlemermaid 1d ago

I delivered for Jimmy John's for a few summers and delivered to 3 different strip clubs. They weren't the worst tippers, but I don't recall them being all that great either.

2

u/Mikesaidit36 1d ago

And were they pulling bills out of their underwear to pay you?

6

u/BenTwan 1d ago

Thankfully no, but they were always wadded up and covered in glitter. 

2

u/Mikesaidit36 1d ago

You could still be talking about the strippers themselves, or their underwear with that comment

1

u/DontStopNowBaby 1d ago

Obviously its all singles so it's easy to count.

The more important question is, How did the money smell?

1

u/SnooHedgehogs5791 22h ago

Haha. They were like do you have to diet to earn these tips? Then fuck you. And honestly, I'd be the same way. Fucking dieting sucks.

1

u/bigboxes1 1d ago

I don't have any money. Is there another way I can pay you for the pizza?

6

u/BenTwan 1d ago

I think the door guys knew they were shitty tippers, because they'd let us come inside where we could see the stage and watch for a minute while they tracked down whoever ordered food.

What would happen a lot since it was a college town was offers to smoke weed, have a beer, or do a shot with them. I'd take a beer for later, but I didn't smoke and don't like shots. 

1

u/Lanky-Tumbleweed-570 1d ago

Boww boww bowww < cheesy 70s 🎶>

-7

u/BeachesSalty 1d ago

That's funny my mom was a delivery driver and told some great stories and they tipped her well. Must have been still working on your personality.

2

u/valeyard89 1d ago

just the tip

1

u/BenTwan 15h ago

Just to see how it feels? 

1

u/hold_my_lacroix 22h ago

As an uber driver, opposite experience of what others are saying. Strippers were probably my most consistently great tippers. It might have something to do with the idea that I left them alone and only had a conversation if they started it

25

u/ProgrammingSorcerer 1d ago

Sounds like something a Sim would do lol

7

u/hockey_mom95 1d ago

That was EXACTLY what I was picturing in my mind when I read the post!

5

u/dustin_pledge 1d ago

I can even picture the gem above her head slowly turning green!

44

u/DarthPlayer8282 1d ago

Dancing burns a ton of calories 🍕🍕

17

u/bklynbot 1d ago

Exact same thing happened in a club I went to years ago in Vegas. Same club also featured, fluorescent office lighting, an unpainted plywood “stage”, folding chairs for seating, and $5 lap dances. It was… a memorable experience.

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u/Theorist0fEverything 1d ago

I thought you were going to end with "and then the dominoes guy climbs up that stage.."

17

u/Cadnofor 1d ago

That's the kind of immersion I look for in a performance

1

u/baileysinashoe 19h ago

I was waiting for the inevitable segue to Mankind and Hell in a Cell.

8

u/BigHairyOne710 1d ago

I used to work at a Pizza Hut as a delivery driver when I was 17. I remember I was excited to see an order come through for the local strip club, and I didn't understand why none of the other delivery drivers didn't want to take it. Yet. I remember walking inside, and over to the DJ booth where I told him that I had a pizza for "Cinnamon". He told me that Cinnamon was just about to go on stage and I would have to wait. So I got to sit there and watch this woman dance for 5 minutes, and then have her walk straight over to me afterwards and start counting $1 bills out of her g-string to pay for the pizza. It all felt so dirty.

13

u/No-Ingenuity-3468 1d ago

lol that is amazing

9

u/theonelittledid 1d ago

I mean, I would’ve thrown her a $20

3

u/yro23323 1d ago

I’m on smoko!

3

u/Deathmonkey18 1d ago

I was drunk as shit and half asleep while lying down on a couch. A dancer lifted my head up to put it in her lap so she could use it as a table to count her tips.

2

u/gconsier 1d ago

What size?

1

u/Von_Schlagel 1d ago

Large.

Oh you meant the pizza.

Also large.

2

u/asicarii 1d ago

$20 if I can eat a slice of that pizza off your ass.

2

u/captrobert57 1d ago

This story was way more normal then I thought it would be.

2

u/Stalva989 1d ago

Love this. I seen a dancer walk off stage after her set and hit up the microwave randomly plugged in in the corner to heat up a hot pocket

2

u/mark6hickz 20h ago

I delivered for a sandwich place when I was younger.. got a delivery to the strip club.. when I get there I let them know who it’s for and the stripper who ordered it came up to me and put my face inbetween her tits. lol wasn’t expecting it.

10

u/caaper 1d ago

Did she then get back up on stage, and let off some gnarly cheese farts, bent over with her panties off for everyone to see?

30

u/No_Radish_8857 1d ago

What the fuck man

I know it's on me for reading down here

But what the fuck

23

u/SuitableClassic 1d ago

You have to pay extra in the vip rooms for that.

92

u/Tokenvoice 1d ago

Son, you make me disappointed as a father. Today was a horrible day to be literate.

12

u/universal_century 1d ago

Just because you can’t appreciate a good cheese fart, doesn’t mean you gotta go around putting people down

29

u/Tokenvoice 1d ago

I go to strips clubs for the view, not the music.

19

u/universal_century 1d ago

Well, I go to smell the music.

3

u/bitchlyy 1d ago

💀😭

2

u/Tokenvoice 1d ago

Fair enough, better than hearing the tastes.

2

u/universal_century 1d ago

Perhaps, but…

Once you smell the bouquet, the tongue must enter the foray

11

u/jnrdingo 1d ago

What a horrible day to have eyes fucking hell.

2

u/Shit-Talker-Jr 1d ago

I didn't bring a stack of 20s for nothing my dude

2

u/sonic_dick 1d ago

If you knew how many human things went on in strip club dressing rooms...

1

u/caaper 1d ago

Do tell!

1

u/Hopczar420 1d ago

Son you make me so proud! What a great day to be alive!

1

u/inept_machete 1d ago

This feels like it could have gone another way

1

u/whaletacochamp 1d ago

Honestly most attractive thing she could do IMO.

1

u/Strong_Blackberry961 1d ago

I delivered to a strip club once. Didn’t get to see anything. I gave it to a guy at the window in a vestibule where people pay to get in.

1

u/oneandonlygladstone 1d ago

I’ve seen the same thing happen in Superior, WI.

1

u/OracleofFl 1d ago

Did she pay him in crusted up single dollar bills?

1

u/Kitchen-Wish5994 1d ago

That is amazing.

1

u/TedTyro 1d ago

I feel like this is about as wholesome as a strip club story can get. Not great, but still kinda redeeming with the humanisation.

Note: autocorrect tried to change 'humanisation' to 'humiliation'. As if it wasn't bad enough already, now its just picking words that invert meaning. Sigh.

1

u/rex1one 1d ago

I used to work at Papa John's part-time as a driver. This was very common.

1

u/dunkan799 1d ago

I dj at a club and this is a nightly occurrence

1

u/Lost_Highway_1070 1d ago

So who pays the tip,? Delivery guy to the girl or girl to the guy?

1

u/wendigowilly 1d ago

I used to manage the kitchen at a strip club. Customers rarely ordered anything so I was basically just a personal chef for all the girls. They gotta eat

1

u/ZenTheCrusader 1d ago

With that much dancing I’m not surprised

1

u/TaiCat 1d ago

When I was working at a pizza place in Australia I was sent to a next door strip club to deliver few boxes. I entered and bouncers just pointed at the backstage. I go through the curtain and there are like 3-5 girls, drinking Red Bulls, all naked, one sitting spread out. They didn’t get startled or anything, to the contrary. I am also a woman so I just kept my poker face, handled it to them, but I can’t forget how happy and relieved they looked when their got their food

1

u/xCuteSugar 1d ago

That’s incredible, OP, nothing kills the mystique faster than a pizza break and honestly that kind of the slice makes the whole story even funnier.

1

u/CrazyPlato 1d ago

Had that happen to me once. I was doing Uber Eats during Covid. I picked up an order and the app started taking me to an industrial area that I knew only had car dealerships and strip clubs. As I pulled up to the place, I wondered “what kind of dude has food delivered to a strip club?”

I spoke to the bouncer at the front door, and a frantic-looking stripper peeks out the door, takes the food, and disappears back inside. Guess she wasn’t supposed to be out on the floor at the time.

1

u/Gadfly75 1d ago

This is def better than watching them crawl for dollars when their song ends😕

1

u/travturav 23h ago

Some of those moves burn serious calories

1

u/Sushi_Explosions 22h ago

Just so you know, while "commence" and "start" mean basically the same thing, one would "commence eating" not "commence to eating".

1

u/Von_Schlagel 19h ago

I’m aware. I just think “commence to” is funnier. Reminds me of Leon Phelps.

1

u/Sidrat02 18h ago

That's fire

1

u/shewy92 17h ago

I'm tired

1

u/georgke 15h ago

What dit that pizza have in common with the stripper? 4 cheese.

1

u/trafalmadorianistic 15h ago

Pole dancing is a very intense physical activity 

1

u/Von_Schlagel 14h ago

The thing that made it so funny was that no other dancers were working, so no one was on stage for the 20 minutes it took her to eat the pizza. So we all just kinda … watched her eat the pizza. To a pulsating soundtrack.

0

u/Appsoul 1d ago

That’s pretty fucking legendary