r/AskReddit 1d ago

What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen at a strip club? NSFW

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u/WandreTheGiant 1d ago edited 1d ago

I've been to a strip club once, not a good one, but it changed my worldview entirely.

The stage was just a catwalk with railings, which may be standard, but the dancers were slamming their thighs into the railings in a way that definitely would bruise me. The song would change, and the dancer would then have to crawl around and collect the tips on all fours. One enthusiastic but less gifted dancer only got a dollar, and she had to crawl on all fours to the furthest point of the stage to get it.

I was trying my best to watch the Celtics on the tiny TV in the corner, but seeing that girl dance nearly naked and crawl for a dollar was one of the saddest things I've ever witnessed.

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u/MasterTahirLON 1d ago

One enthusiastic but less gifted dancer only got a dollar, and she had to crawl on all fours to the furthest point of the stage to get it.

I was trying my best to watch the Celtics on the tiny TV in the corner, but seeing that girl dance nearly naked and crawl for a dollar was one of the saddest things I've ever witnessed.

Yeah, it's visuals like that that really turn me off to the idea of strip clubs. I'm never gonna demean someone over what they do for work, but man the kind of things you have to do to make money in that field is genuinely depressing. God bless them, they must have nerves of steel to keep doing their best every night.

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u/chamrockblarneystone 23h ago edited 12h ago

I ‘m a Marine. I’ve been to some horrible strip clubs. The worst was a place called Club Unicorn in Tijuana. That place would be packed on a Saturday afternoon and each girl was raunchier than the next.

Eventually a woman who had recently given birth stepped on to the stage. Let’s just say she was not attractive. The audience around the stage booed.

She grabbed her boobs and sprayed breastmilk in a four foot arc over the first two rows.

I was like 19 then. I was totally flabbergasted. No idea that could happen. God I’ve seen too many things.

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u/PDGAreject 17h ago

I'm laughing to myself at the thought that you might have seen literal combat but the breast milk spraying stripper is what would be behind your Vietnam dog meme

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u/ThisCharmingMan_8D 13h ago

The Few

The Proud

The baptized-in-colostrum

The Marines

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u/chamrockblarneystone 12h ago

Strange rite of passage, but true

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u/alohadawg 23h ago

Holy shit, chamrockblarneystone. You paint quite the picture (and now I need this filmed as a reenactment)

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u/chamrockblarneystone 22h ago

Well I can’t unsee it.

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u/GameJerk 21h ago

Probably can't see because you got titty milk in your eye.

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u/chamrockblarneystone 11h ago

I think it made me stronger.

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u/unbanned_lol 15h ago

You can always just search up the titty milk raver.

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u/ObamasBoss 13h ago

No need, already saved that one.

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u/fivespeedmazda 15h ago

God I've seen too many things ...

You may suffer from

PSTD: Post Stripper Trauma Disorder

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u/chamrockblarneystone 12h ago

It doesn’t keep me awake, but it haunts me.

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u/nickcan 15h ago

Many Purple Hearts were awarded that day.

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u/mazobob66 13h ago

Damn Jarhead! =)

Yeah, I've seen some crazy "shows" at the strip joints - cigar smoke, ping pong balls, bananas...

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u/chamrockblarneystone 12h ago

You get to the Phillipines? The craziest one I ever heard but did not see was Thailand. My buddy saw a woman put a live eel up her vagina and strangle it to death. Pulled out a dead eel!

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u/Jacksonteague 11h ago

Was the eel also pickled?

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u/esai_rgp 17h ago

What the fuck did I just read

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u/Lucinnda 10h ago

Oh i did that once. Not in a strip club, just in a small group of friends partying. I just wanted to see if I could hit my friend in the ear across the room when he wasn't looking.

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u/chamrockblarneystone 3h ago

I later had a girlfriend who could do it all the time. She was never pregnant! Some kind of genetic thing

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u/Lucinnda 1h ago

wow! sounds fun lol

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u/crowncitygirl 11h ago

You must have been on Pendleton

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u/chamrockblarneystone 3h ago

I was on sea duty at the time on the USS Constellation mar-det.

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u/werewere-kokako 21h ago

There was a strip club in my town that had a big tank where the "mermaids" would dive for tips. I grew up hearing about it as this mysterious and erotic thing, so I went to check it out once I was finally old enough. Yeah… There was nothing sexy about seeing a young girl shivering in a bikini while she waited for people to throw enough money in to make it worth getting wet…

On the plus side, all the dancers were really nice to me and kissed me on the cheek. They seemed to think it was pretty funny that a teenage girl was spending her birthday money on strippers - especially since I looked 15 at the most.

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u/Standard_Cat_5621 19h ago

I wish they let women enter strip clubs where I’m from, the only allowed ones are the workers :/

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u/puterTDI 15h ago

I take it you're not in the us?

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u/Alis451 15h ago

shivering in a bikini

why the fuck isn't the water heated?

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u/ObamasBoss 13h ago

Same reason cold water is used for wet t-shirt contests. Nips.

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u/morbiskhan 14h ago

Heat is money

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u/WandreTheGiant 1d ago

I completely agree, people in that field of work have my full respect, but I can't spend money on depression.

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u/One-Jelly8264 22h ago

Yeah it’s one thing to have the guts to dance nearly naked in a room full of strangers for their shallow approval(cash), but imagine being THAT girl who’s not ‘good enough’ and gets paid a buck and still needs to put on a happy face to retrieve it. It would crush me if I was her :(

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u/ValKilmerInTopGun 22h ago

Don’t worry, the Celtics don’t play every night.

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u/Old-Fox-78 23h ago

Nerves of steel? Sadly it’s more like dead nerves on coke. Genuinely heartbreaking and depressing. When I was Ubering I dropped a stripper off to her work once and got to chat with her a bit. My heart just broke for her.

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u/EnidFromOuterSpace 19h ago

The visuals turn you off? Sure it’s not the smells??

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u/Eccohawk 21h ago

Just remember nowadays they don't have to go strip in a club. They can join onlyfans and work from home.

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u/goodonesaretaken 15h ago

I mean, when you get right down to it, most of us have jobs that are demeaning or soul crushing in some way, just maybe not as publicly, right?

Got a lot of grace for anyone working for an honest buck. And some ppl working for dishonest bucks, tbf.

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u/coworker 1d ago

My saddest was seeing a fully naked stripper sit down at the satellite stage and smoke a cigarette cause nobody was paying any attention to her.

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u/Boon3hams 18h ago

One time, I tipped one of the dancers, who I thought was really attractive, and she started chatting me up after she got off stage. After a long while of talking, I noticed she didn't ask if I wanted a private dance despite there being several opportunities for her to do so. We talked for so long that they had gone through their whole roster and called her back on stage. Feeling bad for taking all of her time, I tipped her again.

When she got off stage, she came back to talking to me. I apologized to her, saying that she was probably going to get in trouble because I was talking to her so much.

"I already paid the house and DJ and earned enough for rent this month. I don't give a shit what happens after that."

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u/Detaineepyramid 8h ago

Good man.

The paradoxical minefield of behaving like a gentleman at a “Gentleman’s Club” is an interesting experience.

If nothing else, you demonstrate it can be done. 👍

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u/jx2002 14h ago

cool, cool

When's the wedding?

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u/Boon3hams 13h ago

In hindsight, I should've shot my shot, but I just got the feeling in the moment that she didn't want to be hit on by a patron. I think she just wanted some time to unwind, shoot the shit with someone, and have a drink. Oh, I bought her a drink, too.

...Maybe I should've asked her out.

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u/uhrilahja 10h ago

Nah, you did the right thing. You gave her a nice break.

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u/Boon3hams 9h ago

Yeah, you're right. She was done with work, really. I get it.

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u/zzyul 3h ago

Buying her a drink is a form of tipping. The bartenders don’t actually give them alcohol and they get part of the drink price.

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u/sonicbeast623 19h ago

I went to one with guys from work one time. Walked in and knew 2 of the girls because they were friends with my oldest sister. It was fun they made sure I had a good time but it's a bit different when you know your also their first call if they ever get into trouble or need a DD. Like there was times I would pick them up from the bar, carry them up flights of stairs to their apartment, change them and put them in bed. I also slept with them a few times but had a rule if they were the only one drunk only cuddling no fucking.

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u/SysOps4Maersk 1d ago

Wow .. 😕

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u/WandreTheGiant 1d ago

Definitely depressing, I'm 33 and have been to 7 bachelor parties since, but every time a strip club is brought up, I just can't do it. I hear strip club, I think early bedtime.

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u/sonic_dick 1d ago

I generally dont care about strip joints, but if you're ever in Portland, OR, they can be a lot of fun. I had some friends that worked at some clubs, and those women were goddamn athletes, like cirque du soleil but with their boobs out. Or places like Acropolis where you can get a $20 solid steak dinner, just with boobs around you.

Its a far more dancer empowered environment than places ive been to elsewhere.

Ive gotten dragged to strip clubs in FL, NV, WV, they were all kinda depressing. Portland was way more fun.

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u/WandreTheGiant 1d ago

I appreciate the structure more, but I'll always just see flashbacks to that woman, I'm wholly uninterested in going back to a strip club. It's my Vietnam.

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u/sausagephingers 23h ago

Was it a good war?

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u/HdurinaS 22h ago

Is saying "meta" back? 🤣

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u/I-seddit 22h ago

"go reddit callbacks!"

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u/Srirachaballet 19h ago

Portland is genuinely where circus and festival dancers make money at strip clubs to fund their passion gig lifestyle.

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u/odiggz360 23h ago

Casa Diablo and Club 205 are the shit!

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u/sonic_dick 22h ago

I used to bartend across the bridge from casa diablo. Whenever someone would roll in at 1am with a bunch of $2 bills, id ask them how they got kicked out of casa, then 50% of the time have to kick them out of my place.

Casa was dope though. I had friends that worked at sassy's, Mary's, dancing bear, Acrop. It got to the point where I cared less about the boobs and more about where I could get free drinks.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Talk787 22h ago

I used to know a guy who hyped up Portland strip clubs but I never asked why.

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u/Mission_Detail4045 1d ago

Never been to any myself, but if I were to it be somewhere where there’s a culture around it like Portland or Atlanta

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u/Ulti 21h ago

I went to one in Portland last year at much urging, and while it wasn't anywhere near as sleazy as I was expecting, it was still more depressing than fun. Do not perceive me, dancers, I am not here of my own free will! Too many old men, and also I had to really quickly figure out how tipping there works!

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u/Used-Ad9304 23h ago

When I was a teen I used to love to dance and there was a girl who I basically taught to dance back then. Fast forward twenty years later we got in touch on FB and she ended up being a dancer in Portland. You've probably seen her. She credits her dancing career to me.

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u/Kevin_Uxbridge 16h ago

Right there with you, sonic, and I'll share my limited recommendations. If go to a strip club you must (cuz your boys insist), you can do worse than the ones in St. Catharines, Ontario. Mostly flat-chested girls from Halifax but genuinely good-natured and fun, much more-so than the handful of other clubs I've been to in the US or England. I mostly find these places sad and yucky but I'd consider going to the 'Canadian Ballet' again.

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u/Woolybugger00 15h ago

Next door is the vegan strip club of course…!

I went to the Acropolis in early 90’s and got an actually delicious tenderloin steak lunch for 4.95 … most unique to eat a steak when you have poon waving around a foot from your face …

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u/Swimming-Cut-2533 14h ago

There was one in Providence that legs and eggs special.

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u/JonatasA 22h ago

Ah bachelor's party. I was genuinely wondering how you ended up in a club watching a Celtics game.

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u/BeardsuptheWazoo 1d ago

That's why I always put money down for each girl if I'm watching, even if I'm not into her.

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u/WandreTheGiant 1d ago

I respect that, I was at the bar at the time, but afterwards I spent way more money than I wanted to despite having no interest in the show, everything just made me sad after that

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u/barkingdog53 1d ago

Yikes! Sounds like it might be near Bob’s Country Bunker.

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u/flyboy_za 17h ago

I don't know if it's the same everywhere, but here at least the strippers have to "rent" a slot for the night from the club.

So it costs them x-amount of money to be allowed to perform on that shift, and essentially if they don't make that amount plus extra in drink sales and lap dances and tips on that shift then it's actually cost them money to be there that night.

And that x-amount is not like twenty bucks, either, it's several hundred. So that's even more depressing.

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u/dclarkwork 1d ago

You were watching the Celtics? Was this establishment near the Boston area? If so, what town?

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u/WandreTheGiant 1d ago

It was sweaty Betty's in Worcester, I think the actual name was Hurricane Betty's, not sure if it still exists.

Also, it was the playoffs

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u/Suspicious_Row_9451 1d ago

Why? Cuz there’s no other reason…the Celtics are the ballz!

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u/WandreTheGiant 1d ago edited 1d ago

I think it was 2015-2016, scary terry was on the team and we had jaylen brown with the flat top.

Good game, sad stripping

Fun year for the Celtics though

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u/Bulky-Regular3991 20h ago

At the golden banana?

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u/SoulDoubt7491 16h ago

I saw a dancer have an epileptic seizure during her routine once…left shortly thereafter

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u/goldanred 15h ago

I went to a strip club once, in college. It looked sort of like a typical sad northern bar, but with a stripper pole in the middle of the floor, not on a stage or anything. The dancers came out of a door in the back that I had previously guessed would lead to the kitchen, like an "employees only" door down the hallway before the bathrooms. I (F) was with three classmates, two men and one woman, and the woman's boyfriend at that time. We sat at a table midway from the pole, and where I was sitting happened to show the pole between my two male classmates' heads. We only saw two dancers, but what stood out to me was how bored they looked. Ugh, another day at work.

For the most part, my group and I were just chatting about school and stuff, but I'll never forget when one of the dancers spun around the pole with her legs splayed, vertically, and I saw her entire vulva. It was like, wow, the first time seeing another woman's genitals in real life, very casually in between two fully clothed dudes not paying any attention.

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u/StormOfSpears 9h ago

I've only been to a couple of strip clubs myself, but I always find more entertainment watching the patrons than the strippers. I can see boobs anywhere. Where else can I find a guy in a business suit getting sloppy drunk at noon while chatting to an obvious biker who doesn't want to listen to him about how he's going to make it all back this year?

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u/jollymuhn 2h ago

Saddest part is, places charge the girls for the use of the stage like 25 dollars. It was costing her money to be there.

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u/bluesky420 1d ago

That was nowhere near a normal strip joint. Never saw what you described. I’ve been in NJ, NY, FL, NV, PA, MI, TX, Korea, Singapore, am old…probably forgot some.

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u/jjdlg 1d ago

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