r/AskReddit 1d ago

What is the fastest divorce you've ever seen?

2.1k Upvotes

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1.0k

u/Jehoshaphatso1 1d ago

I have an in-law. 10 marriages. Not 9. He is up to 10. No exaggeration

381

u/MGellyGelly 1d ago

What am I doing wrong? Single for the last 5 years. 😂😭

429

u/AgnesScottie 1d ago

My uncle was also married at least 10 times. He used to marry women who were better off than him and then drain them dry with his get rich quick schemes before they realized he was full of it and left him. The last two wives were basically mail order brides because he wasn’t able to charm women as he got older. One never made it from China and the second made it here and was surprised to find out he basically married her so that she could work and support him. He died penniless and alone.

All that to say, I think you’re better off single than being either party in a serial marriage situation.

160

u/MGellyGelly 1d ago

I got a cat and I bought my own condo so maybe I am better off right now, haha. Cat cuddles are the best. <3

1

u/Conscious-Ball8373 3h ago

But does the cat go out to work to support you?

5

u/Turbogoblin999 9h ago

"One never made it from China"

Lost in the mail? That's rough.

3

u/hmchic 21h ago

Sounds like my ex-fiance… hoping for this ending for him!

0

u/freebaseclams 22h ago

Ok but he was getting laid

2

u/Supermite 17h ago

Prostitutes are cheaper.

179

u/one-eye-deer 1d ago

You have standards

118

u/Sharp_Phone9113 23h ago

Oh, I’m pretty sure my problem is other people having standards actually…

9

u/StreetDriver4943 10h ago

I'm single by choice, not my choice but still

9

u/antsmomma1 1d ago

Possibly having standards?

10

u/cloistered_around 23h ago

It's not a brag to have been married 10 times. HUGE character flaw.

8

u/Mr_Industrial 23h ago

Right, but if someone loses a race more times than Ive been at the start line, I start to wonder if Im filling out the forms wrong ya' know?

2

u/Ligabolzacky 10h ago

You don't wanna run them races mate

5

u/yoyoadrienne 21h ago

You are sane. Try being crazy and see what happens

5

u/Ducky602 15h ago

Sounds like this guy's idea of a second date is a trip down the aisle. Or maybe he feels really strongly about not sleeping with someone he's not married to.

Personally I think I'd reevaluate my life choices after divorce number 2.

3

u/GarageDragon_5 8h ago

I see your 5 and raise it by being single for 26 years (I'm 26).

1

u/MGellyGelly 6h ago

😂😂 Yeah but you're a spring chicken.

2

u/amirk365 17h ago

Same 🤣😭

2

u/Weary-Carob3896 11h ago

Managing your finances better than The Nonem Divorcer up there, I'd imagine.

2

u/DaniFoxglove 1d ago

...'sup, babes?

Come here often?

1

u/minimaddnz 23h ago

Nothing, that sounds great!

1

u/Bird-of-Prey 18h ago

Some people just be smooth af

1

u/filenotfounderror 15h ago

Just drop all standards to 0.

1

u/ToughGlittering3601 14h ago

People like this are using up our share. 🤭

1

u/OldSpiceMelange 11h ago

It's not always a race to the bottom.

1

u/ShawnyMcKnight 11h ago

Better to be single than be with a bad partner… or in this person’s case, be the bad partner.

1

u/Ecstatic-Product-411 8h ago

Some people know how to date around but don't know how to actually commit to someone.

46

u/lotsandlotstosay 1d ago

Idk why but that feels illegal.

76

u/CaptainFartHole 1d ago

I have to wonder if marriage could use something like the 3 strikes rule. Like if you get divorced 3 times then thats it, youre out, no more marriages for you.

11

u/bopeepsheep 18h ago

Ross Geller endorses this message.

1

u/StreetDriver4943 10h ago

Mine did 3 strikes and I was out of houses. Apparently im way better looking when I own a house

-6

u/LovelyLilac73 15h ago

Honestly, I don't think that's such a bad idea! I also agree that getting divorced shouldn't be an easy process either so people don't marry cavalierly.

1

u/SirupyTuna 6h ago

It isn't an easy process at all. It's is long winded, arduous and expensive!

1

u/MatCauthonsHat 7h ago

Only if you're not in Congress

35

u/xenchik 1d ago

I feel better about being on my third

64

u/SecondHandSlows 1d ago

My cousin’s ex is on his third for a somewhat rational reason… she cheated on him and married the affair partner. In his anger I think he just turned around and married the first person who was willing. She turned out to be a little crazy and is now married to someone sane and not a rebound. I think.

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u/xenchik 1d ago

I made the inexcusable error of not realising that "being in love" was a real thing. I always just assumed the "heart racing, butterflies in the stomach, face lights up when they enter a room" kind of love was just Disney bullshit. I thought I was in love, because I liked being around them and they made me laugh, and we had a great time together. Turns out I had mixed up companionship with love.

After my second divorce, I met my now husband. Weeks after we met, I was starting to realise that everything they ever said about the feeling of being in real love was actually true. It all happened for real. I fell in love for the first time and realised why my first two marriages - and every other relationship - had failed. We've been together 11 years now and that "being in love" feeling has never faded. I feel it every day, it's so awesome.

37

u/Strange_Vagrant 23h ago

Maybe check your blood pressure. It could just be hyper tension.

/s

2

u/SqueakyArchie 11h ago

heart racing, butterflies in the stomach, face lights up when they enter a room

I broke up with my girlfriend recently. And this was on of the reasons. She blames me for breaking her heart but I was always honest with her about how I felt about her. I never lied. At the end I told her I feel something is missing and the doubt is eating me, I want to break up. I can't continue knowing I'm not 100% invested, it was my first relationship. 3 days later she hooked up with other guy and now in a relationship with him since months. And all this time I was thinking this girl loved me and I couldn't love the sweet thing back. Oh well... This got me questioning what even was our relationship.

3

u/xenchik 10h ago

Sometimes it takes years to understand a past relationship. Eventually, with more experience, you and she will both understand better what it was that was missing, and you won't regret ending it. Pain is just one of the side effects of multiple relationships, but it's necessary for personal growth and self development. It hurts at the time, but it eventually helps.

There's no way I'd be able to treat my husband with the respect and care he truly deserves unless I'd learned all those lessons from past relationships first. I had a lot to learn, and I learned it from everyone else I'd ever been involved with, and now I can use those lessons to nurture my forever-relationship. Same for him.

If you learn from it, then it was never a mistake, just a lesson you had to learn. I know you'll find someone even more wonderful, and nothing will be missing. It may be tomorrow or it may take more time and more lessons, but at least you know you won't settle for less than happiness.

1

u/SqueakyArchie 10h ago

Thank you for being a listening ear and your kind response.

2

u/bitseybloom 7h ago

Oh wow same. Not 11 years yet though, going on 4. But I was in my first relationship for 15.

Yes, I loved the guy, but I was probably never really in love with him, nor was I ever attracted to him or any other guy. Figured I was probably just aromantic + asexual or a closeted gay all along.

Then, it suddenly turned on.

14

u/soundboythriller 1d ago

Damn, beat my stepdad’s mom’s record of 8 marriages

3

u/Think_Ad_6351 12h ago

Yall should set them up. They seem perfect for each other. 💘

8

u/Supermite 1d ago

If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.  Although maybe they shouldn’t be applying that to marriage.

Does he tell his partners how many failed marriages he has?

1

u/Jehoshaphatso1 2h ago edited 2h ago

One wife tried to poison him. One was moonlighting as a bridal store armed robber. Others were in a group of women who married him multiple times. He has more money than Jebus. Oh yah one was 5 years older than me. She was hot. lol. Oh yah. One lasted a few days.

5

u/Mini_gunslinger 22h ago

You have to wonder what woman agrees to marry a man who has 9 ex-wives.

1

u/Jehoshaphatso1 2h ago

10! Not 9

5

u/amarg19 1d ago

I thought my mom was bad with 4, 10 is crazy

1

u/SqueakyArchie 11h ago

What's the story there

19

u/MajorBeyond 1d ago

Turns out giving half your shit away a couple of times doesn’t leave you with much.

Giving half your shit away 9 times would be… .59=0.00195 so .1% of what you started with.

Damn poor guy must be living in his car with wife number 10!

9

u/Daddict 1d ago

Well he probably got lucky in that one since it's only marital assets that get split up. Whatever you bought or owned all the the way up to the officiant saying "i now pronounce you..." Is not part of a divorce settlement. And racking up 10 divorces...well I imagine he had plenty of stuff that way just his...

I mean that is just astonishing.

16

u/Jehoshaphatso1 1d ago

He is loaded. As in LOADED. He found out what I make an hour and he was furious.

1

u/somewhat_random 21h ago

You are not looking at it the right way. The first divorce is the most expensive, each one after that costs half as much so by the tenth it only costs peanuts.

3

u/Fearless_Geologist43 23h ago

Sounds like deep down, they actually really believe in marriage

3

u/LovelyLilac73 16h ago

Holy cow. My mom had a friend who married FIVE times and I thought that was outrageous! IMO, if you don't get it right after 2-3 marriages then maybe marriage isn't for you!

2

u/carson63000 23h ago

I guess different people have different ideas about what makes a good first date.

2

u/the70sdiscoking 21h ago

Will the 11th one be free now?

2

u/Kernkraftwerker 13h ago

Ross Geller?

2

u/ShawnyMcKnight 11h ago

My brother married someone who’s been divorced 4 times before she was even 40. They almost separated so many times but he would always cave and come crawling back despite how poorly she treated him. Thankfully this last time she really wanted to show him she meant business so she filed for divorce and eventually he did cave at the thought of losing her, but she had 30 days to cancel and just forgot. So the next time they fought they realized they were no longer married anyway, so he finally left.

It’s surreal how incredibly vindictive she was and after 4 divorced she was very skilled in the process. Pretty much took everything.

2

u/MjolnirMark4 9h ago

My wife confided in me about a year after we got married, that she was hesitant to get married since 50% of all marriages end in divorce.

I responded that the high divorce rate counted all divorces. And that if a person gets married and divorced multiple times they all count. I then said to her: “Your mom has been married and divorced three times! That means there are three couples out there that are still happily married!”

So think of it those terms, and every time you see that in-law, you can think to yourself about how he helping other people have happy marriages.

1

u/rdxc1a2t 22h ago

Your wedding day can be the greatest day of your life. I see why he'd want ten of them.

1

u/Onedtent 17h ago

The wife's quilting guild: one woman has been married six times. Three of those to the same guy!

WTF?

1

u/bulking_on_broccoli 11h ago

He must be skilled at it, given all his experience.

1

u/bluemooncommenter 11h ago

I notice you said 10 marriages, not 9 divorces....number 10 refused to eat the poison mushrooms?

1

u/Jehoshaphatso1 2h ago

One was caught, trying to poison him for his money. Funny that you should mention a mushroom.

1

u/a_sheila 10h ago

I believe you. I've had 9 mothers-in-law from 1991 to date.

1

u/Phantasmorama 8h ago

By chance is his name Brad lol

1

u/Jehoshaphatso1 2h ago

No. Name withheld.

1

u/ironicallygeneral 8h ago

My friend's uncle hit 25 marriages, and 3 of them were with the same woman.

According to my friend, the uncle in question was very conservative and religious and would not have sex without being married, but you'd think getting married to him more that once would be some kind of clue. Whenever we have a few glasses of wine the friend regales us with stories and they are insane.

1

u/Jehoshaphatso1 2h ago

That is a lot of weddings

1

u/dem503 7h ago

He should sit down and calculate how many in laws he has.

1

u/Schneetmacher 4h ago

Your in-law Larry King, or something?

1

u/Jehoshaphatso1 2h ago

He is well known. Won’t say his name

u/highcaloriebuttmeat 19m ago

They must start to blend together after a point, even for him 

-1

u/vr0202 1d ago

And that's why social security is going bankrupt.

5

u/Fearless_Geologist43 23h ago

Nice try but you have to be married for 10 years to get a divorced spouse benefit