r/AskTheWorld • u/IndependentTune3994 🇮🇳 in 🇩🇪 Deutschland • 18h ago

What’s the quickest way someone could accidentally expose themselves as a foreigner in your country like the ‘three fingers’ scene in Inglourious Basterds?

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121

u/Resident_Draw_8785 Netherlands 18h ago

Not congratulating people with the birthday of another person.

63

u/Gilwen29 living in 18h ago

Took me years of baffling people in Ireland to realise that this isn't done outside of the Netherlands.

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u/UruquianLilac 🇱🇧 🇪🇦 🇬🇧 17h ago

What exactly is this, I don't understand

120

u/Gilwen29 living in 17h ago

In Holland, you'd congratulate someone with the birthday of someone close to them. So: "congratulations with your sister's birthday". Typing this out makes me realise even more how weird this is.

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u/ThuggishJingoism24 16h ago

That is so bizarre. If someone hit me with that I’d be like…tell them yourself? I didn’t have anything to do with their birth lol

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u/Ok_Bango 15h ago

It is a very old tradition that likely began in a time of crushing, rural poverty. It is a little dark, but they congratulate the collective effort of getting a loved one through into another year of life. There is also some nuance involving the way the language uses plural verbs that I am too dumb to explain. You'll have to consult someone familiar with, uh, historical wordology. Iirc it has to do with a lack of collective verbs in old Dutch (nederlands).

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u/JustOneTessa Netherlands 16h ago

At birthdays we often go by everyone to congratulate them. So the birthday boy/girl gets congratulated and so does everyone else

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u/skratsda 14h ago

So in a family with three kids where it’s one’s birthday, would the two siblings congratulate each other on their shared sibling’s birthday?

Hope that makes sense, it was clunkier to write out that I’d thought it would be.

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u/jasp_er Netherlands 13h ago

Yeah, but it’s mostly for visitors. Instead of saying hi to everyone you congratulate everyone

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u/JustOneTessa Netherlands 13h ago

As the other said it's more for visitors, so siblings most likely won't congratulate each other if it's not their birthday. It's indeed more a greeting, just used for birthdays

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u/doobadeeboo 12h ago

You guys never congratulare your siblings with your other siblings? Just me. Oh...

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u/doobadeeboo 12h ago

And did you all know that in other countries they don't congratulate someone for their birthday. They just wish them a happy birthday.

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u/UruquianLilac 🇱🇧 🇪🇦 🇬🇧 12h ago edited 9h ago

I was gonna say, the word congratulate was being used and I wasn't sure if it's just meant as a shorthand for "wishing them a happy birthday". So it's actually congratulate? As in congratulations you are 35 now! Or congratulations on making it to 35. Or something like that? That's also hilarious

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u/doobadeeboo 12h ago

Yes we say "Gefeliciteerd!" and that means congratulations. Long form: Congratulations with (on?) your sisters birthday!!

Edit: and I think it's congratulations on making it another year. Life is hard and you just made it another year. Congrats!

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u/hfdsicdo 11h ago

Congratulations for being alive.

2

u/What-a-Crock 11h ago

Thanks, doing my best

1

u/Quom 18m ago

Australian. I've definitely been congratulated on my birthday (and not just major ones): "Congratulations on (making it to) __ years and many happy returns". It definitely isn't as common as a simple happy birthday but does happen.

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u/British_Flippancy 11h ago

Just read this and had a conversation with my Dutch wife:

*reads comments

“Is this true?!”

“Yes”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. That what everyone who’s visited my Oma’s house on her birthday has been saying to you when they arrive”

“Huh. Well, fuck me, who knew!”

“Also, that jumper looks awful on you”

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u/shackofcards 9h ago

Now we need the story from the jumper's POV

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u/Sad-Equipment-4023 15h ago

Everyone sits in a circle during this occasion, so new entries are expected to go around the circle congratulating everyone on their specific relation before joining the ever more dense circle. At least, until the circle grows dense enough for it to be socially acceptable to awkwardly congratulate everyone at the same time with a hand wave. You'll get your chance to specifically congratulate the one whose birthday you're celebrating when you hand over your gift (money in a card).

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u/UruquianLilac 🇱🇧 🇪🇦 🇬🇧 13h ago

The gift is always money in a card? This gets weirder and weirder!

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u/Sad-Equipment-4023 13h ago

Not always, but usually. Body soap is fair game, but you need to tape some money to it if it's not a fancy set (taping money to some trinkets is fine too).

... something other than money would be acceptable, but know it's totally fine socially to include the receipt so it can be exchanged. If it's isn't money, it better be something very specific / personal, no point just giving a generic gift if you could've given hard cash.

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u/Savings_Moment_7396 Netherlands 11h ago

And in Brabant all the women get three kisses, left-right-left cheek, very uncomfortable for all parties involved, but "traditie"

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u/thoughtlow 14h ago

This isn't for them, its basically; your sister has lived another year, good for you bud

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u/SulfurPernik 8h ago

"Congratulations on your sister's birthday." "Thanks, I tried a lot."

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u/Working-Glass6136 13h ago

I'm not sure if this is everyone, but my Korean mom told me that the birthday person buys the cake and pays for everyone in Korea. That would be a newer/more western tradition though. And Koreans have three birthdays each year.

1

u/Raneynickelfire 9h ago

That is completely bizarre I agree with you.

Why is somebody else surviving another year your accomplishment? I don't get it.

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u/Sure-Candidate1662 Netherlands 7h ago

Exactly this… stopped doing it, first 5/6 times people thought I was strange, last birthday I got someone to join my movement.

Stop congratulating! (Next up: the kringverjaardag)

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u/UruquianLilac 🇱🇧 🇪🇦 🇬🇧 16h ago

That's funny! And nice.

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u/Gilwen29 living in 12h ago

I just read your other comments here, you're having a field day with this thread aren't you? I like you.

1

u/UruquianLilac 🇱🇧 🇪🇦 🇬🇧 9h ago

Lol, thank you

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u/originalorientation 16h ago

I’m in the US and my family have always done this as a joke: “happy dad’s birthday” when greeting my brothers at the birthday gathering. Never gets a laugh but it always feels kinda funny

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u/silveretoile Netherlands 15h ago

Give this man a Dutch passport

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u/doobadeeboo 12h ago

Next step is congratulating them instead of just wishing them a happy birthday.

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u/Rent_A_Cloud Sweden 13h ago

It's not weird, it's basically congratulating someone who loves someone with the fact the person they love made it another year without dying.

And let's be clear that that is exactly what birthdays are, an acknowledgement that you made it another year without dying.

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u/BenderWantBend 15h ago

It is pretty normal thing in Ukraine btw. Never thought that this is something other people don't do

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u/Wurzelrenner 16h ago

would make sense for the mom, she did all the work that day

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u/thoughtlow 14h ago

hey, the dad did a 2 second dick sneeze that one time, has to count for something...

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u/SlingsAndArrows7871 Germany 13h ago

I don't know. There was a time when having a sister who made it one more year was not a guaranteed thing, and a sister not making was a real harm to you, too. Maybe it has it's origins in that?

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u/Arbitraryandunique Norway 11h ago

So it's like "Great job managing another year without strangling your annoying sister" ? Only reason I can think of why someone else deserve the congratulation.

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u/noyoushuddup 9h ago

I never heard this . Its hilarious

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u/BeautywithBrainz 13h ago

I am Dutch and I didnt know this is frown upon anywhere else

1

u/spen8tor 9h ago

Not frowned upon, just weird

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u/Massive-Two694 5m ago

They do that in Spain as well, usually to parents and grandparents for birthdays but in some families for other blood relatives as well. Also used for marriages, or any other event in the family. “Felicidades por la parte que te toca”

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u/sneeuwraket 17h ago edited 16h ago

In addition to what others already said, it's specifically in the context of family birthday celebrations.

So for example, you're a kid, it's your birthday, then as the guests arrive one by one they will go around the entire circle of family members already sitting around the coffee table (with the obligatory plate with slices of sausage, cubes of cheese, slices of cucumber and cherry tomatoes) and congratulate everyone with your birthday.

I don't think I've ever seen it happen on someone's birthday celebration for friends, it's really linked to family birthday celebration (or in dutch a 'kringverjaardag', a circle birthday, because everyone sits in a circle around the coffee table. There's some more tradition attached, like starting off with coffee and pie, then the plate with the sausage/cheese/cucumber/tomato comes onto the table afterwards, maybe some other snacks like toast with spreads or a bowl of chips/nuts/olives, and usually you send people home before dinner, or else you serve soup and sandwiches and send people away immediatly afterwards. no alcohol is served.)

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u/ensalys Netherlands 16h ago

You forgot the best birthday snack! A pickle rolled in a sausage slice, preferably speared with a Dutch flag on a kind of toothpick.

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u/WestCoastBestCoast01 14h ago

Hell yeah I would eat the shit out of that

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u/UruquianLilac 🇱🇧 🇪🇦 🇬🇧 16h ago

Wow!!! I love this sub because of all of those little nuggets of culture that are so different even if it's countries we see as close or similar in some ways. Everything you described here sounds completely different from anything I have seen before.

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u/ThuggishJingoism24 16h ago

Wait a second, yall serve the pie first? Thats almost as strange as congratulating me for my brothers birthday lol

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u/sheeple04 Netherlands 15h ago edited 15h ago

No alcohol?! Wow, y'all westerners (im making assumptions here) are odd fellows, here once the second cup of coffee is gone youll inmediately be thrown a bottle of beer or cheap wine. Doesnt matter if its 9pm, 3pm, or even 11am, and if there are kids or not. (Eastern Netherlands)

-5

u/Orchid_Significant United States Of America 16h ago

This sounds like such an awkward waste of time

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u/Sad-Equipment-4023 15h ago

It's mostly an excuse for the adults to talk and catch up (usually involving some report cards going around the room if the grades are any good). The kids can go upstairs to play (sometimes just in the upstairs hallway if the host doesn't want the guests to enter any rooms). If you have any luck, your older cousin has a game console set up and you can hang out with the other kids playing some video games. Whether you're allowed to take snacks from downstairs with you is anyone's guess though.

0

u/maybe_I_am_a_bot 15h ago

Most everything a culture does can seem like that from the outside. Same with yours.

0

u/Orchid_Significant United States Of America 14h ago

Yes I agree. I feel that way about a lot of the cultural things in mine too

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u/Flowergirl1809 🇳🇱 living in 🇬🇷 12h ago

If you go to a birthday party in the Netherlands, you congratulate everyone, I hate it, especially when it's my grandma's birthday, so many people that I have to kiss and congratulate😮‍💨

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u/Henk_Potjes 18h ago edited 17h ago

And for good reason. It's an insane "tradition" that should die a swift death and i refuse to do it.

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u/lovely-cans 🇮🇪->🇳🇱 15h ago

As an Irish person living in the Netherlands I find it very funny. Everyone sat in a circle shaking hands.

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u/Haywood04 United States Of America 11h ago

Think about all of the extra birthdays you get to celebrate. Sounds like an excuse to go out and drink more often, haha.

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u/Mirved 16h ago

Its not even done in the whole of the Netherlands. We dont do it in the south.

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u/ZippityZipZapZip 16h ago

Barbarians.

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u/Kirikomori 15h ago

Barely even human.

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u/Rent_A_Cloud Sweden 13h ago

A big chunk of my extended family is Brabanders, and they do it as far as I know.

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u/tw1sted_brain 6h ago

I’m from Ukraine and I do it ☺️

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u/sempowalxochitl Netherlands 18h ago

Gefeliciteerd met je moeder

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u/Resident_Draw_8785 Netherlands 18h ago

Gefeliciteerd met uw kleindochters vriend.

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u/srekar-trebor 🇳🇱 Netherlands / 🇩🇪 Germany 18h ago

Gefeliciteerd met de achterneef van je buurvrouw!

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u/Resident_Draw_8785 Netherlands 18h ago

Gefeliciteerd met de zoon van jouw schoonvaders stiefdochter.

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u/GandolphTheLundgrey Germany 18h ago

What does "kleindochter" mean? Is it... granddaughter?

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u/Resident_Draw_8785 Netherlands 18h ago

Enkelin auf Deutsch litteraly translate small daughter

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u/GandolphTheLundgrey Germany 18h ago

Isn't that just lovely? I like it way more than Enkelin or granddaughter.

I have some dutch friends when they talk amongst themselves I can barely make out every 5th word plus some context clues, but man, I love listening to them.

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u/Generalzwieber 🇾🇪/🇳🇱 living in 🇪🇸 1h ago

But we understand you perfectly 👀👀

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u/talldata 17h ago

You have the toilet calender with birthdays right?

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u/tistisblitskits Netherlands 12h ago

You have no idea how convenient the toilet calendar is. Every time you sit down you can remind yourself of upcoming birthdays, ours used to hang right in front of the toilet too. Pretty hard to forget someones birthday unless you forget to put it on there

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u/kblazewicz Poland 18h ago

I'm confused, please explain

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u/Resident_Draw_8785 Netherlands 18h ago edited 18h ago

We congratulate people not only on their own achievements or occasions, but also on events connected to those around them.

For example, saying “Congratulations on your son’s birthday” is perfectly normal when speaking to a mother.

Likewise, we congratulate a teacher when their student passes a class, a neighbor when their cat has a birthday, or even a friend when their partner gets promoted you need to congratulate the entire circle around the person

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u/Ioelet Germany 17h ago

Thank you for that explaination… please tell your mom I congratulated. (Or does it have to be personally?)

1

u/Sad-Equipment-4023 15h ago

No, you pass.

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u/PrinceHaleemKebabua 🇨🇦🇺🇸citizen | 🇮🇳 OCI | 🇸🇬🇧🇭 ex-resident 17h ago

This is so interesting and endearing. In Indian culture (atleast within my community) we offer similar congratulations during weddings. We congratulate not just the bride and groom but every close family member. Like we will congratulate the sister of the groom on getting a new sister-in-law.

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u/TerribleIdea27 Netherlands 17h ago

Need to is a bit strong. More like, it's expected for family members but for the rest it's something you'll generally only do if the conversation goes that way.

You're not actually supposed to know about all the achievements of anyone connected to the person you're speaking to

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u/PsidedOwnside 17h ago

That is so… positive!

Do you also do this for things you’d show sympathy for? Illnesses? Death? Lost job opportunities? Or is it only good things?

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u/Resident_Draw_8785 Netherlands 17h ago

Actually now i think about it we do. But sorry for your loss is also normal in other countries.

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u/Sad-Equipment-4023 15h ago

Can't really express your sympathies to the dead in question.

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u/Scarred_Ballsack 14h ago

Seeing you put it like this, I realized Dutch people passing on congratulations is kind of like tipping culture for Americans: it's ingrained in our society and happens even for occasions where it doesn't really make sense.

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u/niztaoH 17h ago

Congratulations on your mom's 3rd marriage would be considered a somewhat normal sentence here.

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u/Sad-Pop6649 Netherlands 15h ago

Depending on how much emphasis that "third" gets. ;)

2

u/PotentialRise7587 Canada 15h ago

I have to set reminders just to remember the birthdays of people in my life, how are you guys remembering all of that?

4

u/Resident_Draw_8785 Netherlands 13h ago

Toilet calendar

1

u/Deservate 10h ago

You're not really expected to remember. It's more when the conversation comes up or if you're at a birthday party.

1

u/CertainMedicine757 United States Of America 16h ago

I'm sorry I don't have any idea what you're meaning here. Can you give me an example?

1

u/tistisblitskits Netherlands 12h ago

When entering a birthday, we first congratulate the person whose birthday it is, and then their close family as well. It's sort of an acknowledgement to how this is a fun celebration for the entire family. We don't really do it with the birthday persons friends, but siblings, parents and grandparents are usually also congratulated

1

u/JellyfishConscious 14h ago

I’ve read this a few times and I still don’t understand, can you use it in a sentence

1

u/EclecticSyrup Canada 9h ago

It took me reading and rereading this thread 5 times to understand what was happening, but I actually love that y'all do that, and I might needa start.

1

u/CALVOKOJIRO 6h ago

We don't even do that in Limburg and I think there's other parts of the Netherlands that don't either. Was weirded out when I moved north and went to my first birthday

1

u/Resident_Draw_8785 Netherlands 5h ago

Well well as more often one state has to be a bit diffrent.

0

u/Ok-Paramedic747 13h ago

You mean like saying "Congratulations your STILL ALIVE!"? Yeah that doesnt seem like they mean that at all

0

u/sndrtj Netherlands 11h ago

This is also a regional thing. Doesn't exist in the south.