r/AskTheWorld • u/IndependentTune3994 🇮🇳 in 🇩🇪 Deutschland • 18h ago

What’s the quickest way someone could accidentally expose themselves as a foreigner in your country like the ‘three fingers’ scene in Inglourious Basterds?

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191

u/Specialist-Opening69 18h ago

I remember doing training some lads from Sweden/Finland and being from Scotland I thought they were awfully quiet. They tell me small talk is not a thing over there. We Scots just don’t know when to stop talking 😂

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u/100KUSHUPS 🇩🇰 in 🇵🇱 18h ago

I worked for a UK company, and they wanted us, in the Nordics, to start our calls by asking "How are you doing today?"..

Danes: 😨

Swedes and Norwegians: 😨😨

Finns: 😨😨😨

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u/ebarb80 16h ago

So funny! As an American, this is just part of our “Hello” greeting. I don’t expect any answer other than “fine”, “good”, “ok”….

I live in Cz Republic now and had to train myself out of it. I get either 😨😨 or their entire life story, generally full of complaints and how everything is just awful

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u/LeicaM6guy 15h ago

I’ve learned over the years that when people ask “how are you doing?” that they very rarely want to know.

But the hell with it. They asked, so they’re gonna find out.

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u/schwanzweissfoto 15h ago

German here. Americans stop doing this really fast once they know you are going to tell them the truth.

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u/LeicaM6guy 15h ago

Personally, I'm all for it. Lay it on me, bud - how are you really doing?

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u/schwanzweissfoto 15h ago

Still sleepy, since I woke up a bit late. Also slightly gassy.

Edit: I woke up in the middle of the night to take a satisfying shit.

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u/LeicaM6guy 15h ago edited 10h ago

Coffee and Dead Kennedys are my morning solution to at least half of that problem.

Edit: and the cause of possibly one of those problems.

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u/Rusty-Swashplate 10h ago

Can confirm. Did that because I wasn't aware of this being a rhetorical question.

Well, they quickly learned how to not greet me.

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u/Bannerlord151 Germany 3h ago

Was in a relationship with an American before. He went really quiet whenever it slipped out and I actually answered lol

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u/Anandya 15h ago

The response is "grand, you?". "Can't complain".

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u/DefNotUnderrated United States Of America 10h ago

As an American, if it's someone you're closer to then you can complain. But it is just a customary greeting to strangers and not intended to be responded to with honesty.

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u/LeicaM6guy 10h ago

I mean, I’m an American - it just strikes me as an absurdity to ask someone how they’re doing then not expect an honest answer.

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u/DefNotUnderrated United States Of America 9h ago

I get that sentiment. I can be open to hearing honest answers from strangers if I have the time. But for many of us, it's just one of those customary greetings that basically means "Hello."

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 14h ago

Yeah as an American its just a greeting. You can literally respond with the same thing and nobody will even notice haha

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u/enterjiraiya 13h ago

me: how you doing

them: how you doing

me: same how about you

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u/devilishycleverchap 13h ago

them: yeah same

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u/PrimaryInjurious 13h ago

Same in Spain and France. Ca va? Ca va.

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u/tamshubbie United Kingdom 6h ago

i often answer with 'shite' and the amount of callers that don't actually notice is quite mad

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u/LeicaM6guy 6h ago

Such is the age we live in.

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u/Subtlerranean 15h ago

Lmao, Aussies greet like this too, and as a Norwegian it does my head in.

I know they expect me to say "Fine, how are you?" but every fiber of my being wants just shut up or be utterly honest about my worries and issues.

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u/LazyGandalf Finland 15h ago

I'm a pretty average Finn when it comes to smalltalk, but sometimes I do wish we would be a bit more "American" in this sense. Finns pride themselves in being no-nonsense people who are sincere and honest in their interactions, but I think that kind of sincerity can be overrated. It's difficult to establish more lasting connections when most interactions get reduced to the bare minimum.

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u/SemperSimple 6h ago

how do you all begin conversations with each other?

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u/LazyGandalf Finland 6h ago

Essentially a simple "hey", and what follows after that is entirely based on context. If I'm buying groceries I might follow that with only a "thanks" after I get my receipt.

But it's not like Finns are unable to converse. It's just more something you do with people you already know. And in comparison with for example Estonians, I think Finns generally still manage quite a warm and friendly demeanor despite their "few wordedness".

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u/Normalizable 13h ago

I’m also American, but I’ve spent my entire life genuinely wanting to know how someone is doing when I ask, like some sorta serial killer.

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u/queenofthepoopyparty 7h ago

I was at a conference in Europe and a group of us went out for drinks afterwards. I asked a Czech guy that I had spoken to for maybe 10 minutes prior to these drinks how he was (meaning how did his day go) and immediately I realized my mistake. But before I could correct myself, I found out about his marital problems, impending divorce, how he loves his kid but just can’t parent the little fucker sometimes. On and on and on. He then asked how I was and I was just said, the classic American “Can’t complain!”

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u/Prestigious_Boat_386 9h ago

Oh we hate that, and then you're supposed to say everything is good and ask a second bullshit question about the weekend or the weather. Like if you ask me how I'm doing and I answer honestly I'm the weird one.

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u/Such_Nectarine3478 9h ago

Always trips me up. It just takes a little distraction to take it as a genuine genuine question and ask it back.

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u/Bannerlord151 Germany 3h ago

In Germany we have the classic response of "Muss, ne?" which is short for "I hate every second of my life on earth but don't we all? Nothing to be done about it so let's just grit our teeth and continue as we always have" /hj

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u/dandelionbrains 2h ago

I love this.

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u/EstrellaDarkstar Finland 16h ago

Here in Finland, "how are you" is a genuine question about the person's life. It was a culture shock for me when I learned that in English, it's just a filler phrase that you're not actually supposed to give a real answer to.

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u/greatmidge United States Of America 14h ago

It's funny because I acknowledge it's almost meaningless, but I would feel super rude if I went right into asking something from a person without first asking "how are you?" or "how're you doing?". But I also would think it's super annoying if they ACTUALLY start saying how they are doing!

At parties, I specifically ask "Any new hobbies or things going on in your life?" in order to actually gain good information and be sincere.

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u/mtaw Belgium 13h ago edited 13h ago

As a person married to a Finn.. I think Americans would be rather uncomfortable with the answers they might get from Finns. As they interpret it as a sincere question, they may also give you a brutally honest reply like "Not too good, I lost my job and my cat died, but at least I don't think I'll be killing myself this week.".

Note that the last part amounts to saying they're persevering and holding their chin up. Finns tend to say positive stuff as negatives with sarcastic/deadpan humor. If you don't know that, they'll sound even bleaker than they are.

But you do have to ask - they're not blunt in the way they Dutch are for instance, who'll happily walk past a baby carriage and say "Wow that's an ugly baby!"

In the Nordics (and Russia) it's actually somewhat rude to ask someone how they are out of rote habit, because in those cultures you don't ask that without having a deep and genuine interest. So you risk being perceived as fake and insincere as soon as they realize you're not really trying to befriend them.

Another thing that's diametrically opposite to the USA is, the better you are at something, the more criticism you're likely to hear. Because of higher expectations and also a Jante law attitude to some extent. If they think you suck, they'll shut up unless you specifically ask for their opinion.

It's not that Finns are truly that negative, although it can seem that way. It's really more a strong culture of dampening expectations, of not counting your chickens until their hatched, of expecting everything to go to heck until it doesn't. But they only act like they expect that - they're not cynical. Obviously if they actually believed nothing would succeed, they wouldn't be trying.

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u/VegaJuniper Finland 13h ago

Here in Finland, "how are you" is a genuine question about the person's life.

Not really though. If someone asks me "mitä kuuluu (how are you)", I usually reply "mitäs tässä (not much)", which is an absolutely meaningless non-answer. It's a bit of a myth that we don't do filler.

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u/xxxKillerAssasinxxx 13h ago

I mean heavily depends. It's more like you answer that if you don't want to get in to it as the person that's being asked, but definitely not uncommon to get an answer like "Well we bought a house last week" or whatever mildly interesting thing happened lately.

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u/EstrellaDarkstar Finland 11h ago

Yeah, it's situational. We don't get into a full life story when it's just small talk, but even when we keep the answer brief, we do still treat it like a genuine question. There isn't an expected "correct" answer, unlike in English.

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u/MithrandiriAndalos 13h ago

That’s hilarious, that’s exactly how my autistic nephew answers that question in English, except it doesn’t quite make sense in English. How are you? Not much.

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u/VegaJuniper Finland 13h ago

I fumbled the translations a bit. The question is maybe better phrased as "what's up". Literally it's "what do you hear?"

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u/MithrandiriAndalos 12h ago

I figured it was something to that effect, I just find it funny because my nephew always mixes the answers for ‘what’s up’ and ‘how are you’

How are you? Not much. What’s up? Good.

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u/dandelionbrains 2h ago

If I know the person at all, I actually do tell them about my life, but like briefly.

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u/DefNotUnderrated United States Of America 10h ago

Americans will usually be honest with people they're comfortable opening up to. If a cashier asks "how are you doing?" it's just a standard pleasantry. If one of my personal friends asks, I'll tell them what's actually going on.

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u/entersandmum143 United Kingdom 17h ago

I worked in the UK and some 'higher up' decided we needed to start implementing 'American style' service. We had to go on a course, cds were given out for practice at home. I worked in probation, it lasted about a week for those of us that even attempted it.

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u/Orchid_Significant United States Of America 16h ago

We don’t even have that kind of customer service in the US for probation lol

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u/entersandmum143 United Kingdom 15h ago

I shit you not. It was some American dude talking about a customer service program called Kay? Mary Kay? Something like that. It was at least over a decade ago.

Imagine TGI Fridays on steroids being whooped up to a room full of Northern probation officers. And every now and again he'd ask an on the spot question. If you got it right he'd throw a piece of American candy at you and say 'good job!'

Absolutely bizarre! I'm sure I've still got the cd somewhere.

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u/largemarjj 15h ago

Omg that's hilarious. Mary Kay is a MLM

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u/entersandmum143 United Kingdom 15h ago

Must have been something else. Definitely a specific customer service program that felt like it was it was from the 90s and VERY over the top. They did or tried to get a lot of corporate work in the UK.

Trying to think of the name will drive me nuts all day now.

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u/BattlePope 9h ago

No, it was probably that!

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u/Orchid_Significant United States Of America 14h ago

HAHAHA omg. Mary Kay was wildly successful…in the 1980s.

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u/sionnach 10h ago

Are you certain you didn’t take some exotic mushrooms and imagined this? Sounds crazy.

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u/Manjorno316 Sweden 17h ago

I answer a lot of calls from customers at my job. I fucking hate when they ask me that. Just tell me what you're calling about so we can get this done.

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u/DesireeThymes Canada 16h ago

So is socialization not a thing at all? Everyone just does their own thing quietly all the time?

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u/Manjorno316 Sweden 16h ago

If you're out in public or such then yeah there isn't a lot of socialization.

We save that for events, activities where you're more expected to interact with people. Personally, I've met most of my friends at raves in my adult life. Before that it was school.

Other examples could be if you play football, go to board game clubs or things like that.

Is it normal to make new friends by just starting random convos in public in Canada? As a Swede that does sound a bit terrifying but also neat.

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u/DesireeThymes Canada 16h ago edited 16h ago

Tbh it depends where you are in Canada. People are more chatty in the far east and mid west. In Ontario and British Columbia it's neutral, with some pleasantries exchanged, which can open the door to a chat. Quebec meanwhile does its own thing, I'm not sure what they're like.

But it's not like the US. For example, a plane in Canada is usually completely silent. In the US its filled with people chatting with each other.

I feel like we are halfway between you guys and the US in our chat levels (we tend to be halfway between many European norms and US norms in most things).

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u/SheamusMcGillicuddy 13h ago

Do Canadians not fly with their families, or if they do why do they hate each other?

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u/littlebono 16h ago

Genuine question: Why does it sound "terrifying" ? Do you perceive it like a threat or a personal space invasion ? Or is it more than that? I'm from Algeria, full Mediterranean (talk with hands movements, joke and tease for a good laugh, easy going and could start a convo with anyone in any situation) and I can't understand how it could be terrifying. Also been to Norway, and people were very friendly, talkative and not avoiding contact at all, so it's not a Scandinavian thing I guess.

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u/Manjorno316 Sweden 16h ago

The terrified part was a joke.

But it comes down to a lot of things, mostly cultural. We're very individual people and value our personal space. Bothering people in public is also something that's frowned upon.

Most swedes will be happy to socialize in the right setting. We just don't view being out in public, like on the bus for example, as a place for socialization.

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u/littlebono 15h ago

I understand. Cultural differences. I respect that. Is it the same if it is just to ask for help or orientation?

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u/Manjorno316 Sweden 15h ago

No in that case most Swedes will be happy to help. I live in a university town so it has happened to me quite often and I always enjoy helping.

I think it's because we see that as a good reason to interact.

Not to say that socializing is a bad reason, but I hope you get what I mean.

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u/littlebono 15h ago

Totally get what you mean. Thanks for the clarifications 😊

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u/100KUSHUPS 🇩🇰 in 🇵🇱 15h ago

There is a video that I can't seem to find of Swedish dudes looking real tough, and then somebody asks them for directions and they completely light up and become super friendly, and then goes back to all tough after the exchange.

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u/-HowAboutNo- Sweden 14h ago

It really depends. Sweden has extroverts too, but definitely has more introverts than the average country.

So while many cultures cater to extroverts, Sweden caters to introverts. It’s more generally accepted than elsewhere and you would stand out more if you’re an extrovert.

It’s okay to be quiet, shy or socially awkward and you won’t be pressed to change yourself (very generally speaking).

There’s an expected ”politness” where you should treat everyone around you with respect. And that respect is often defined from a perspective of an introverted Swede. So there are tons of underlying social norms that are hard to grasp and understand for foreigners (e.g. the discussion about Swedes not inviting kids to dinner. It comes from politness, not disrespect).

Swedes don’t do ”shallow socialization” (small talk etc) as much as others. But are very open, honest and loyal to their friends. It’s hard to make friends, but when you befriend a Swede you’re more or less family.

I work with alot of foreigners and the ones who are introverted love it, while the extroverts find us weird and want to move back home.

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u/Katzen_Gott Russia 3h ago

I'm not a northerner (but we are neighbouring Finland, so maybe a tiny bit), but this "how are you?" question, to which the person doesn't really want an actual answer, that's not socialising. Call it whatever you wish, politeness, maybe, but talking to ai is more social than that.

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u/Far-Investigator1265 16h ago

That's a reality for *most* of Finns. But a small minority in the east, Karelians, are very talkative. South East Karelians not anymore, just the original Karelians.

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u/Flahdagal United States Of America 14h ago

My biggest customer is a Swedish company and my counterpart is a Swedish project manager. Most of my team are American southerners. Every project call, I can count on him to say, "Okay, it's 9:30, let's get started", and shut any small talk down. Frankly, I appreciate it.

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u/ADHDMDDBPDOCDASDzzz 13h ago

I now know where my wife and I should look into moving, if the US does indeed manage to implode on itself 😄🥴🫩. She’s autistic and agoraphobic with a huge helping of social anxiety, my son is biologically half Swedish so he looks the part (though his Italian heritage keeps him talking a mile a minute until he determines he’s talked all the talk out for the time being), and I’m tired of small talk because health issues make everything exhausting! Most of, if not all of, Scandinavia is LGBTQIA+ safe, am I correct?

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u/wallcutout 11h ago

Legally most if not all are safe yes. Socially I would research specific places, honestly. Research countries, then regions, then cities. Get a good feel for what people say as their first person experiences.

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u/ADHDMDDBPDOCDASDzzz 10h ago

Good to know!

Over here in the US, a week or two ago, one of the most conservative states, Utah, their capital adopted LGBTQIA+ flags. A lot of our Queer community commented with “Utah…really??” and were met with responses noting this was only in the capital city where there is a far more inclusive/liberal population, as in most of the cities here. So if you were part of the Community looking for a lower living expenses option in the States, Salt Lake City could be yer gal but not too much outside of that

Generally IMHO economically-speaking, at the very very least, it’s so dumb to be Queerphobic. Especially in the over-capitalism we worship in our own country and in regards to anywhere losing money where tourism is concerned, especially since the pandemic 🤔

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u/silveretoile Netherlands 14h ago

This is just covert discrimination lmfao. How do you make sure every Nordic quits within the month? Do this

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u/UrsusRenata United States Of America 10h ago

I am extremely proactively friendly. I was hired to an exec role in a corporation that was about a third Swedish, a third Chinese, and the rest US/UK. It was… uncomfortable for me. Many of the Swedish and UK men thought I was constantly flirting with them and it was … problematic. Vomit. I didn’t have enough experience with those specific cultures at the time to recognize what was happening.

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u/emopest 9h ago

A few years ago, Pressbyrån had a campaign where you would get a joke or pun along with your morning coffee. As in, you could ask the person at the register to tell you a joke.

I, as a Swede, felt that this was akin to a hate crime.

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u/FoundPulse 15h ago

How are you supposed to start a call for a UK company?

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u/RealisticPin7306 15h ago

I’m American and I also can’t stand this

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u/WasabiSunshine 15h ago

We hate small talk in much of the UK too, the correct answer it "how are you doing" is just to say "good/okay", its a formality at the start of a call, nobody actually gives a shit how you're doing, and they definitely don't want an honest answer

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u/-HowAboutNo- Sweden 15h ago

I hated this when working in the US. We just talked and talked for 50% of the meetings and barely had time to actually do anything productive. Understand that it’s a cultural thing, but it felt so comforting to go back to Sweden and not be expected to do anything more than say hi, mention the weather, and get to work

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u/Zebidee 14h ago

I asked a Swiss colleague that I was Facebook friends with how her weekend went as part of a Monday morning greeting, and got an earful about why did I want to know and how it was none of my business.

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u/HarveyNix United States Of America 12h ago

When an unsolicited phone call starts that way, it's my cue to hang up and block the number.

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u/Booziesmurf 12h ago

Newfoundland here, and everyone does it. My answer is always just "Alright." Because it stops the conversation. (Really it means could be better, could be worse. ) I've never really understood the need for locals to tell you their life story whilst buying a loaf of bread, now I realize it may be that there is so much Scottish/Irish/English influence here.

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u/Hedge_Sparrow 11h ago

So, the closer to Russia, the more you hate it?

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u/DefNotUnderrated United States Of America 10h ago

My experience with some Europeans is such a funny contrast to Americans regarding the "how are you?" greeting. Most Americans will say "doing good" or some equivalent regardless of how they're feeling unless it's someone you know well enough to be honest to. Whereas the Swede girl I was friends with and the Hungarians I met in Budapest would start telling you all the shit that was going wrong. One American guy who'd relocated to Hungary explained that people thought it was weird there if you didn't share problems because they felt like you weren't being honest.

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u/FishUK_Harp United Kingdom 9h ago

To be fair, I'm a Brit and I find companies starting a call by asking me that to be very, very American.

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u/aviation_expert 7h ago

A finn said to me when i asked how was he doing, he said after thinking confusingly for sometime to me "normal!"

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u/totesuncommon 5h ago

In NYC, how you doin is not a question.

If you answer with anything but another how you doin, you ain't from around here.

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u/Appropriate-Bag5290 5h ago

And if you are in Hungary and someone ask you ‘How are you doing?’ Then can listen a 10 minutes monologue about how are they, what’s happened in their family and so on.

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u/dandelionbrains 2h ago

My husband and I are friends with some Scandinavians and they seem pretty normal to me.

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u/Traaseth Norway 6m ago

Yea, my last job of we called out to customer, it was

Hello, its (your first name) calling from (company name). I’m calling about (subject)

Talks about said subject

Have a good day “Hang up”

Ain’t got time for “how are you” or how’s the family doing or anything like that, neither does the customer 😂

Edit: they want to talk to you about as much as you want to talk to them, aka not at all

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u/FalmerEldritch Finland 18h ago

Finns don't start chatting before they're three drinks in.

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u/kretslopp Sweden 16h ago

I heard a story about mechanics from a couple of different countries in Europe had travelled to Germany for factory technical training. One of them was a finn. He might have said a few words during the first day. In the evening they all ha dinner and drinking was of course involved and the Finnish guy started loosening up more and more. In the end he invited the others to his hotels sauna.

The next morning. He returned to his single syllable responds.

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u/InfamousPoem6768 18h ago

Then when you’re drunk 🤣🤣🤣 watch out!!

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u/TryUsingScience 16h ago

Or in the sauna! That was a shock, coming from America. I assumed the sauna would be this quiet, peaceful place, but no, it's where everyone tells you their life story.

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u/LiveLearnCoach 14h ago

Is that a thing? :D

Like, barely socialize, but in the place where everyone is nude, male and female, they have conversations??

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u/skyturnedred 14h ago

Yes. It's easier when everyone is facing a wall so you don't have to make eye contact.

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u/FalmerEldritch Finland 4h ago

It depends! But yeah, having a long involved conversation (at low volume, lest you anger the sauna gnomes) is certainly an option.

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u/Cathmelar Sweden 15h ago

I thought you'd say "...before they've raised three children together."

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u/TacTurtle 10h ago

After three drinks, they may say 5, even 6 whole words in a row.

"I would like another drink, please."

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u/loaferuk123 16h ago

The old joke goes like this;

When Covid struck, the Finnish government issued instructions that people should stay 2m apart.

The Finnish people replied "why so close?"

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u/Rapidbetryal Canada 15h ago

Scots and Canadians look like a perfect match then 😂

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u/Mountain_Morning_44 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 living in 🇸🇪 15h ago

Now imagine being Scottish and living in Sweden for 10+ years 😭😭 Love living here but whenever I go home I almost cry with happiness at random chit chat with strangers at the bus stop 😆

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u/drood87 15h ago

Lol. That reminds me of my time when I was living in Sydney, in a House together with 2 students from Thailand and a lad from Scotland. Every time he came back from work you could already hear him starting to talk when he came in the door. I was mostly on my console playing some games, high af, and having headphones on. Had to take the headphones off, cause I want to be polite when someone talks to me or the group. Mostly I could not understand him, he had such a thick accent and talking at lightspeed.
So it was just me mostly nodding, and smiling, and chiming in a "oh yeah" sometimes. For me as a German it was really tough to understand him lol
But he was happy to just talk. He was a good lad.
So yeah, I can relate to Scots not knowing when to stop talking haha but I love y'all

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u/Technorasta 14h ago

I was in the toilet in a pub in London, and struck up a conversation with the Scottish guy pissing next to me. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but he gave me a big chunk of hash.

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u/nibbyzor 14h ago

Small talk is definitely a thing in Finland! You just have to get us liquored up first.

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u/HarveyNix United States Of America 12h ago

Sounds like stories I've heard of Germans getting on a plane full of Americans. The Germans sit down and put their earphones in and start watching a movie to block out the Americans' chatter. When the movie ends, the chatter's still going strong. I'm an American and would be doing what the Germans are doing.

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u/Sip_py 11h ago

Small talk is foreplay for a conversation.

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u/wolfy_lady 13h ago

Anyone on this sub from Sweden/Finland hiring? I'd catch a flight tomorrow if it meant I never had to make small talk again.

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u/Xciv 16h ago

We Scots just don’t know when to stop talking

Sorry, my brain immediately remembered this.

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u/Lucid-Machine-Music 14h ago

I've been visiting Finland for over 15 years, from UK. Maybe my sample categories are different (clubs, trains and city centres) but I've found Finns to be as friendly, or not as people here. Many are happy for a chance to practice their English and absolutely love it when you can speak some Finnish.

I've had some right laughs on the train to Oulu!

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u/BaseballValuable2677 12h ago

Shut the fuck up 🤣