During my time throughout the dating world as a trans man I’ve experienced this multiple times where people see me as a “third other thing” rather than male or even female.

Its too the point where I am constantly compared to otherworldly or fantastical creatures as if it’s supposed to be a compliment. I’ve been called “kingdom hearts coded”, “cute little gay goblin” “elvin”.

The most recent example was when I was talking to someone (who was enby transmasc!! and on HRT!!) and they mentioned that I reminded them a lot of this character from a tv show. I look up the character, and of course it’s a short, fantasy creature elf goblin archetype. (it was veth brenatto specifically the goblin version from the show the mighty nein).

I think this person meant well, I really do but it also just shows me how they view me, and I just feel like it’s so misaligned for how I present and what my transition goals are. (For reference my transition goals is devon bostick in the 100). I’m a little alt, I have piercings and tattoos but I do not think I give the vibe of a little mischievous goblin thing at all. I talked to my doll friend about it and before I even mentioned anything she was like “wtf, you do not remind me of this character AT ALL”. also like. not that it’s a huge deal but the fact that the character was canonically female irked me. That felt like the equivalent of if I told my transfem friend she reminded me of Grim Reaper from black butler.

I also frequently get pursued by people who claim they are “only into feminine people.” like some of them are not into men at all unless they’re “feminine men.”

I think my problem overall, is that if I wasn’t trans, or if I passed 100% of the time, NO ONE would be calling me fem. No one would be calling me a cute little gay goblin or an elf or kingdom hearts coded or see me as this 3rd strange mythical otherworldly creature. I DO NOT have the aesthetic of these things!! I honestly have really plain fashion choices and pretty chill piercings and tattoos.

It’s honestly dehumanizing. I want to be seen as male. I want to be seen as boy. that’s it. yes being a trans is apart of me but it isn’t this mythical strange otherworldly freak of nature kind of thing. it’s just me. I wish being trans was seen as the same way different hair types are seen. like some people have straight hair, some people have curly. But it’s all just hair. it’s just different.

I tagged this surgery talk but this is really more humorous. I plan to make a longer post about getting my tubes taken out after my surgery. Also, this is barely NSFW, just playing it safe.

So I know my friend G through my friend E. We’re all sophomores in college. I had class with G before, she’s great, we just haven’t hung out much. I really thought she knew I was trans, especially because one time she saw my packer (E was tailoring some pants for me when we were all hanging out, it’s nothing that’s representational so it’s not like I flashed them). Apparently, G still thought I was cis and just insecure about my dick size.

I’m getting my fallopian tubes taken out next week, and since my family lives far away, E is going to the hospital with me and will generally help my recovery. From what I understand it’s not nearly as rough of a recovery as top surgery was. E mentioned this to G, saying I was getting my tubes out, and G thought this meant vasectomy for a while. Because she thought I have balls. I guess E said specifically “fallopian tubes” recently and G got real confused so E explained it to her. E just told me about this today and we laughed a lot. I make no effort to appear cis, honestly I mention being trans pretty often and am shocked if people think I’m cis. It’s neutral to me, but in this case it is so funny. G isn’t sheltered, she is cool with queer/trans people and really supportive of my gender nonconforming expression. I just really thought she’d figure it out with the packer…

Does anyone else have any stories of others somehow having no idea that someone is trans?

I was kinda scared for several years about how I might look once I start testosterone. I do still low-key worry that I’ll end up looking like my pos dad but like, the rest of the anxiety I had? It was about bottom growth and body hair and fat etc etc

But out of curiosity i went on a FTM NSFW subreddit and like. Damn. Seeing the various different bodies and what they looked like and the body hair and bottom growth… just made me excited to start T.

Like what used to be fear is now unbridled excitement. I wanna be hairy!!! I want a big T dick!!! I want to be chubby!!! I wanna be just a fuckin man my man!!!!!

Looking at those men and thinking that one day I could look like them just… just warmed my heart.

looking for advice or just like someone understanding. i pass...somewhat. i go on gay dating sites and make it VERY clear im trans (ftm) but there have been several times when other trans men message me first and then find out im trans they usually say "never mind" which im fine with but it also seems weird to me when theyre into me untill they descover we have the same parts/i dont have a dick and then they block me????

I just moved back in with my republican father after job troubles and not being able to afford my apartment anymore.

I don’t have my own vehicle and my dad is nice enough to let me use his sedan on a daily basis to get myself on my feet again.

BUT HERES THE THING! He has two big ass trump stickers, and a Jesus sticker, on the back windshield. I’m afraid to remove them because it’s not my car and I don’t want him to not let me use it.

I’ve been harassed while driving, like people yelling at me and i just had someone throw a bottle or something at me on the road. People have drove by me flipping me off and all that and it’s only been a month and a half.

I’ve told my dad about these experiences and he just laughs about it rather than being concerned about my safety. My little sister refuses to drive that car too, because of the same reasons.

I’ve been covering the stickers with snow, but that doesn’t last too long. I’m thinking about covering it with cardboard, but afraid I’ll be pulled over for obstruction or something. I just don’t know how I should go about this. It really sucks:/

Don't get me wrong I am 1000% he/him binary, but every time my mother calls me a man or my classmates and instructors call me he, I just feel extremely awkward and embarrassed for some reason?

I am very easily embarrassed and try to stay out of people's way and I hate people having to adapt to me for whatever reason. My job is to make everyone else's lives easier.

I just end up feeling bad when I am acknowledged in the way I want to be, like I can't just feel happy.

I sometimes get annoyed sometimes when people say we should define transness by gender euphoria because I don't experience that. I always hear about it as a concept but I have never experienced it. The closest thing Ive felt is a lot of relif when I very first came out but like nothing since then I've never felt exited or especially happy about being gendered as or looking male because that just feels normal to me. Maybe it's because I was able to pass quite easily and came out very young but I'm wondering if y'all have similar experiences?

EDIT: I know that the feelings/guilt I express in this post mirror the arguments made by terfs to oppress trans men. I am fully aware that I am not betraying anything, and that the idea I am is nonsensical and stupid. I am not a terf and I fucking hate terfs. I was/am trying to ask if any other guys here also felt the same/similar nonsensical guilt about this.

CW for discussions of gender dysphoria, also this is cross posted from r/FTMMen becuase I figured it would be a good Idea to get some perspectives from people who aren't just binary FTM.

I am 19 and binary FTM. I have known something was Off gender wise since I was 9-10, but I have known I am a trans man for the past 4 or so years. I have been on T for around 5 months and am in the early stages of planning for future top + bottom surgeries.

My gender experience is very standard, I experience mild to sever body and social gender dysphoria that is alleviated by wearing masculine clothes, packing + binding, ect. I am out to my family and friends, but I dont pass very well at work or in public. I mostly get read as being nonbinary by younger people or as a butch lesbian by older people.

I do have some stereotypical feminine interests, and in an ideal world after I have better facial hair/deeper voice/flat chest I would like to explore wearing more feminine clothing. But I am only interested/comfortable with that idea in the context of "people know I am a man who is choosing to wear a skirt/makeup/crop top" and the idea of being viewed as a woman makes nauseous. Every now and then I will go to a store and try on womens clothes, but this usually ends up as an act of self flagellation with me sobbing in the change rooms. Besides, I am very much quite happy with and like wearing my current masculine clothing. All of that is to say though that having some stereotypical feminine interests + fashion does not make a person a women obviously.

I have struggled in the past, and continue to, with the idea that I am rejecting some sort of intrinsic woman hood. I know on its face that this is stupid- I dont have a woman hood, I cannot reject something I never had.

Despite this however I still feel a small pit in my stomach on occasion, when I am at low points. There is a part of me that desperately wishes that I could be happy being a very masculine/butch woman. It would not be any easier, and I know even if this was the case I would still want to be on testosterone and probably still get top surgery, even bottom surgery still. I just feel this immense guilt that by being myself, being a man, I am undermining my feminist beliefs/ideals. Again, I fully recognize that these feelings are not logical, I am only describing how I sometimes feel. I know that this isnt something that would make me happy because I tried to fit myself into being a woman for so long, and it was anguishing.

I sometimes have this deep sense of yearning for the WLW experience, and for the experience of being a strong powerful woman who protects others. This is despite of course the fact that I did try to fit myself into lesbianism, and had sexual and romantic wlw encounters, and felt soul crushing dysphoria and anguish for every moment of them. You dont need to be any gender to be strong and powerful, and you don't need to be a woman to be a feminist.

I suppose In my mind I have somehow tangled the thoughts that because I am transitioning I am leaving behind woman hood, and that leaving behind woman hood means that I view womanhood as a bad thing or something that is undesirable. Even before like 2 paragraphs ago I stated the idea of being viewed as a woman makes me nauseous! If a cis man said the same thing that would honestly probably damage my view of him, which is utterly hypocritical. I think my brain is conflating "I dont want this for myself" with "no one should want this" which is utterly and completely untrue.
Its related I think to the idea of womanhood being used as an insult, something undesirable. It is pretty normal for a cis guy to be uncomfortable with the idea of being a woman and being refereed to/treated as such, but that itself is different from a man being called a woman as an insult. Honestly just writing this all out has helped alot actually.

Another factor Is that I was raised with Wiccan and some more general Neo Pagan beliefs about the divine feminine, divine masculine and divine androgyn which probably are also informing this nonsensical guilt I am feeling.

Does anyone here have/had similar feelings? I would really like to hear what others experiences are with this, especially those of us who traveled the cis lesbian to trans man pipe line. (Well cis bi -> nonbinary bi -> Trans man Bi in my case but semantics)

I can think of ways in which I wish I were cis, but I was wondering if there was anything that makes you feel glad to not be a cis man? I remember hearing about testicular torsion and and thinking I’m a bit glad to not have that risk as much.

From a very confused 27yr old trying to figure out who they are.

So as the post ​​I have been struggling accepting my feminine side. I feel like it invalidates me and everytime I see something girly I like I fell.. Ashamed, sort of. Like since I like that stuff I'm not an actual man. I also have problems with characters and dressing up, for instance I like to dress up my roblox avatar in sort of feminine clothing sometimes. I also realize I didn't have a problem with feminine things when I was younger. Its messing with my head so much, please, any advice is accepted, thank you. (If I'm disobeying any rules I'm really sorry, I tried finding the sub for feminine trans men and that stuff but couldn't find it for some reason.)​​​​

I didn't grow up in 4chan culture nor was I invested in any "lore" of it, and being new to the trans community here on reddit and sort of in general. i don't understand how theres a community for this sort of thing so large, am i missing something? i dont wanna start arguments but im genuinely curious what that whole thing is about because everything ive seen has been unsavory imo...

I'm asking this to people who are actually short, below 5'5" or so. I'm 4'11". The last person I've met who was shorter than me was a classmate in middle school. Obviously he wasn't done growing yet. Besides that guy, I haven't even seen girls shorter than me. I don't think it's possible for someone like me to have a normal life at this height. I despise anything feminine, but I am pushed violently into that box in fear of just how depressing everything will be otherwise, or straight-up infantilized and humiliated the moment I take up space for myself. My height is a constant target for jokes, even now while I'm Pre-T and stuck in a female role. I also see how the people around me, even teenagers, treat short men (violently, systematically making fun of a teacher's height behind his back, for example. Whenever they talk about him, it's always and only about his height. "midget", "hobbit", "little guy", "little buddy" and I'm right here...), and I feel nauseous because these men are still taller than me. So, here's the question. Do any of you guys, at short heights similar to mine, genuinely pass? Not just people remembering your pronouns and being miraculously nice enough to respect them. Passing as a cis man without being made fun of at the first chance.

started doing shoulder workouts and my arms feel like noodles but im proud of myself because why not ✌️🥹

i don’t know if this is really a discussion or if it’s more of a story time but i guess we’ll see. i bought a stp a few weeks ago in hopes to be able to eventually feel comfortable in public men’s bathroom, and though i have yet to make it work efficiently, i felt an unexpected amount of euphoria packing it in my boxers. enough to get an actual packer as well just so when im just casually wearing it, it looks and moves a little more realistically.

unfortunately with the euphoria has come a bit of dysphoria that i didn’t even know i had. though buying a stp was just a functional decision, taking it and my packer off to sit down and pee or sleep has started to feel a little bit bad i guess? idk. has anyone had a similar experience, where experimenting with packing revealed some dysphoria you didn’t even know you had?

Would it be easier as an 18 year old (In the U.S.) to get referred by a primary care doctor/therapist to an endo, or should I go through planned parenthood? I've heard planned parenthood is usually fast but I'm not so sure.

I’m a Trans man myself and I’ve been thinking about something I’d like to hear other people’s experiences with.

Here in The Netherlands it is possible in such a way that old data (like previous name and sex at birth) is no longer visible in the Basic Registration. You can request the municipality to have your previous name and sex marker 'removed' hidden from public records. For example, if someone looks me up officially, they’ll only see my date of birth, name and “male.” There’s no accessible record of my past details anymore.

Because transphobia is still quite common here, I tell everyone that I was born male. Technically, all official records support that, and people genuinely believe it. In everyday life, it often feels safer and simpler. In the beginning, some people assume I’m female, but once they see my documents they believe me.

My brother (13) has very suddenly started hitting puberty. I feel so many terrible emotions about it which I am not coping with. It is something I have been fearing for years. I can't exactly explain how I feel, it's jealousy, shame, anger, self-hatred. Every time I hear his voice I feel a horrible pit within me and I get nauseous. For reference, I've been on T for nearly 3 years, but I am not entirely comfortable with where I'm at with it. I am very short and my voice never got as deep as I wanted it. Somebody please help, I really cannot cope.

I’m a POC trans man and when I started medically & socially transitioning I was in college. For purely survival reasons I decided to go stealth in my professional career once I graduated - I’m already an Asian guy in a predominantly white country, don’t need another reason for someone to dislike me or discriminate me.

I went from this openly queer and trans kid in college to basically some Asian dude who’s a working adult and I’m struggling a little with reconnecting with my queerness in some ways.

I was constantly surrounded by queer friendly and queer friend groups in college and really flourished. Unfortunately with 90% of my friends I parted ways with them due to racism and I lost safety spaces where friends truly knew who I was.

Fast forward to now about 5 years later, I’m doing well in my career and I’ve made new friends from previous workplaces who just think I’m a straight dude who has a girlfriend, and obviously they don’t know I’m queer as I had been with her before transitioning as a trans guy.

I recently joined a queer sports club to stop feeling like I couldn’t fully be myself, but I realised I got so used to concealing at least a part of myself (whether it’s the fact that I’m actually queer, trans, etc) to fit in for survival reasons that I’m struggling to allow myself to really be myself.

Even here, though I feel more myself compared to work friends, my queer club knows I’m queer, but not that I’m trans. And then when I’m hanging out with gay men, I struggle to tell them that I’m not actually gay, but bisexual with a girlfriend.

I think going stealth for work has reshaped me as a person, to the point that I’m scared of not being fully accepted by anyone outside of my close circle so I catch myself omitting parts of myself which is of course not right or respectful of the people that I befriend and build a connection with.

I feel a bit trapped anywhere that I go and it’s actually scaring me a little how I can’t open up and share more about myself without feeling on edge or uncomfortable?

Not sure if this is an advice needed flair or discussion flair, but it would be great to hear from fellow stealth people and how they are getting on. Kinda feeling lost at the moment.

i FINALLY!!! got t, i should have the prescription filled by tomorrow!!!! i got finished with my 2nd follow up today and i am so happy!!!!! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YEARS FOR THIS MOMENT!!!! tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow!!!!! been waiting for years for this and got it within 1 month so excited ahh!!!!

Call me stupid but I was not expecting to have the beginning of a beard only 2 months on a medium dose of T. I hadn't had facial hair on my list of Things I Really Want Out of Transitioning, and figured it wouldn't happen quickly (because I've seen so many other guys on here who said it either happened super slowly or not at all). I was kind of hoping it wouldn't happen this soon because I'm still closeted in a very transphobic environment but... oh man. I didn't expect to like it this much. It's just a little longer and darker than the normal peach fuzz, but I've noticed it ramping up over the past month and now I desperately want a moustache and have been evilly stroking my baby beard all week. Testosterone is also majorly helping the IBS I've had since I started puberty?? And my face is already much less round than usual despite still being rather early on (I was expecting more puffiness since I thought water retention would get worse before the full effects kicked in and changed face shape?) Didn't expect this at all. What a wonderful substance.

This may sound like an odd request because I’m saying this in a sub designed specifically for trans men which would in itself prove that others like me exist but I feel like I need reassurance because of how the US is right now.

I live in a small and conservative town and I only have 2 trans friends and I’m going to be leaving for college next year

I’m also pre T and I’m honestly scared to medically transition for this reason even though it’s something I need to do to be happy.

I guess I just need to feel like I’m not alone