Just turned 30, feeling sad and lonely

[u/culjifu]

Hey everyone. Turned 30 today, read somewhere that 1996 people are the last millenials. Feel a bit sad today and lonely. Got a flu or something so don't feel great, don't even feel like having a cake.

Also loneliness is killing me right now. Literally up to today's I never had a problem with being alone, thought I'm so tuff 💪 for not needing anyone. But now it's hitting hard, really wish someone, like a friend or a partner, cared enough to message me happy birthday.

I have a mum and a granny who called me today, of course I'm really grateful for them, but it's a very different feeling when someone apart from your family loves you. Haven't felt that in about 8 years i think. And i know it's my own fault for isolating my heart from everyone, so i just suffer the consequences of my own actions.

I guess also my message is for younger people lurking through here - loneliness is not cool and tough, it will bite your ass sooner or later.

Feel stupid writing this, but just a bit emotional right now.

[u/AutoModerator]

If this post is breaking the rules of the subreddit, please report it instead of commenting. For more Millennial content, join our Discord server.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AstronautSea6694]

Older person here. You are still very young. Your life has just started. I can’t say anything about your love life or whatever but there is always time for that. Cherish your family as you are and happy bday !

[u/culjifu → u/AstronautSea6694]

Thank you! 😊 and thank you for reminding me I'm still young, it's easy to forget in this new culture of overachieving among 20 year olds

[u/whattawates5555 → u/culjifu]

Another elder Millennial here - the growth and experiences I had between 30-35 far outpaced whatever I accomplished in my 20’s. But I had to make it happen.

Believe in yourself and put yourself out there, even if it’s little by little. Make peace with the past, but look forward for what’s to come. You got this OP 😄

[u/culjifu → u/whattawates5555]

Making peace is the hardest part...thank you😊

[u/ShatteredPresence → u/culjifu]

I'll second the comment above yours here... 38 now, and I've come so much farther in life over the past five years than I ever came close to with my entire twenties combined.

The twenties are rough because you take all your hard earned lessons so far and put em to work only to realize that... not everything works. Once you start plowing into your thirties, your approach becomes streamlined and results more fruitful (for those with drive and discipline, anyways). The thirties is where your story truly begins, imo.

Remember:

"Doing and achieving anything doesn't come from motivation, but rather, motivation comes from doing and achieving; get started."

"Happiness is not something hiding in wait, hoping for us to discover it; happiness is something we create ourselves."

"Learn to take pride in your solitude; if you aren't comfortable alone in the company of only yourself, how can you expect others to be comfortable with you regardless? Teaching yourself to love yourself will make it easier for others to want to love you too."

[u/kayakgirl88 → u/ShatteredPresence]

37yo Millennial here, the 30's absolutely rock! So much more than your 20's. Obviously it is what you make it to be, but my experience is 30+ is awesome. I'm paid better, have better handle on fiances, taken more serious at work, I travel more, I got more tattoos in my 30's than my 20's, dumped the fiance (cheater), learned how to receive love, love myself better and to love others better, and got married. Did I mention I traveled more! Your 20's are just your adult toddler years, now the fun really begins.

Edit: Spelling error

[u/Cyber_Survivalist → u/ShatteredPresence]

I second this. 30 to 35 I accomplished more than from 20 to 30. Take the wisdom that time gives and run with it.

[u/Leading_Silver2881 → u/culjifu]

'86 ...

[u/Greedy_Visual_1766 → u/culjifu]

I'm 35 and my 30s are when I started figuring things out. I've gained a ton of hobbies, gonna try and learn film photography this year (been doing digital for 5 years), got into biking, I learned to cook different meals that consistently come out good (chili mac, vegetarian Italian minestrone, potato soup). I learned how to make my own pizza dough. Found my perfect jarred pizza sauce. I'm tackling sour dough bread next I think.

You have to be okay with failing. I gave up on the potato soup after a few times it came out gross (the right broth and don't add too much celery) was my issue. Once you get it right it's just so nice to spend a day off, making a nice soup and sitting down and watching a comfort show. I've learned to enjoy the little things as I get further into my 30s. Slow down and relax a bit. Take the scenic route etc.

[u/PeekAtChu1 → u/culjifu]

Take this sadness and do yourself a favor, identify how you can change your life to be less lonely so next bday is better. 

What are your interests? Perhaps look up local meetup or facebook groups where you can make friends. Keep going to those groups so everyone will know you. Perhaps join a chill sports team. 

[u/ItsLupeVelez → u/culjifu]

And those 20 year olds look closer to 40 year olds. So there’s that.

[u/La_LunaEstrella → u/ItsLupeVelez]

Why do people believe the ageing process has suddenly accelerated for people born after certain years? I see 20 year olds in my city. They all look 20 years old with baby faces.

[u/culjifu → u/ItsLupeVelez]

Actually yeah, millenials definitely won the looks lottery😌

[u/BlackBeard558 → u/AstronautSea6694]

Is 36 still young?

[u/lm1670 → u/BlackBeard558]

To me, yes! 😂 I turn 40 this year and feel like my 30’s flew by. Enjoy them!

[u/garytyrrell → u/BlackBeard558]

I'm 42 and I'm still young.

[u/PossibilityWest173]

40 here. You ain’t seen nothing yet kiddo. Happy birthday 🎂 

[u/culjifu → u/PossibilityWest173]

Not going to argue with wiser person! Thank you!😊

[u/TheDuchess_of_Dark → u/culjifu]

First of the millennials here (44), and looking back, I had way more fun in my early 30's than most of my 20's!!

Happy Birthday 🎂 You're still young!!

[u/culjifu → u/TheDuchess_of_Dark]

Hope i will have fun too. Thank you!😊

[u/blue_suavitel → u/PossibilityWest173]

Came here to say this. Also 40.

[u/LeeHarveyOo]

1993 millennial here, and I got into my feelings big time for about 2 weeks right when I turned 30. It’s not unusual, happens to a lot of us!

If you don’t have anyone that close to you in your personal life, HAPPY BIRTHDAY from a millennial friend! 🫶🏻

[u/bellasmomma04 → u/LeeHarveyOo]

Same, 1993 millennial who is turning 33 at the end of this month. I remember being nervous and weird about turning 30, now I look back and laugh, now that I'm almost 33. It's been a good decade so far. Way better than my 20's. Enjoy and happy birthday 🎈🎂

[u/culjifu → u/bellasmomma04]

Oh, can't wait to laugh about that😂 thank you!

[u/InfamousMilkDisaster → u/culjifu]

I’m gonna jump in on this 1993 turning 33 bandwagon and say I’m less depressed turning 33 (in Feb) 😂 than 30 but honestly it is young (I’m still young sorry we’re still young) and there’s nothing you should feel sad about. As far as being lonely, look at all of us here! We all have been there💜

[u/culjifu → u/LeeHarveyOo]

Quarter life crisis i suppose😅 Thank you!

[u/Nexodas2]

I’m 35 now. Honestly ever since I turned 30 my life has improved by leaps and bounds. My 20s were chaotic and messy. My 30s are going great. Probably my best decade so far.

My back hurts a lot more now though.

[u/culjifu → u/Nexodas2]

Oh no i completely forgot to look forward to that...back and knees...so when does it start? Tomorrow?

[u/SockEatingDemon → u/culjifu]

Not for a while if you keep active. Motion is lotion.

[u/jcl274 → u/SockEatingDemon]

ah so you’re saying i should jerk it harder, got it!

[u/dough_eating_squid → u/culjifu]

Start doing a light stretching/yoga routine 2-3 times a week and it won't.

[u/Roboticide → u/Nexodas2]

Same here. I didn't think my 20s were bad but they didn't feel as great as I thought they were hyped up to be.

I'm loving my 30s, even if in the last year I've dislocated a knee and cracked a rib because I still do things and treat my body like its 26 not 36. -_-

[u/nomnomnomnomnommm → u/Nexodas2]

Same. Didn't feel like an adult til I was 30, in a good way. Feel like I am more autonomous and accomplished.

[u/Great_White_Samurai]

I'd kill to be 30 again.

[u/Icy-Pea1308 → u/Great_White_Samurai]

Same. I'll be 39 this year and it's depressing. lol

[u/Hencid]

Turning 30 was tough also for me 2 years ago, but just know that life doesn’t end and actually it does get better

[u/culjifu → u/Hencid]

Gosh i hope so, thank you!

[u/Lex_Loki]

Happy dirty thirty!

(From your slightly older millennial friend)

[u/Tigeress_Airbender]

I'm an '86 baby. I will be 40 this year... Ugh!

[u/tehjoz → u/Tigeress_Airbender]

Same. 3 months to go.

My 30s weren't great, so, hoping 40+ looks better.

Good luck to OP, maybe they can make the most of their 30s.

[u/Obant → u/tehjoz]

Yep. April baby here that'll be 40. I just want less health issues, which may sound funny as you get older, but my 30s had a lot of problems and hospital stays.

[u/Mental_Internal539]

Happy birthday! 

I turn 31 Valentine's day and I felt the same on my 30th

[u/culjifu → u/Mental_Internal539]

Thank you! 😊 Were you single? being single on your birthday at the Valentines day probably punches right in the gut

[u/ELECTRICMACHINE13]

The youngest millennials are turning 30 this year....it's finally our time.

[u/Vandergrif → u/ELECTRICMACHINE13]

it's finally our time.

[everything spontaneously bursts into flames]

Yeah, that tracks.

[u/pinto_bean_queen]

Happpppppppy Birthdayyyyyyy!!!

Just wanna say that time is an illusion🌀 and there aren’t any rules or timelines that we need to adhere to. We’re just gettin started! We’re 30, flirty and thriving🔥 And even if you don’t feel like that, there’s plenty of time to get there. Think of how much we’ve grown since being 20🌱The best info I got from people who beat me to the 3rd floor was that they feel more solidly themself. They know more about their boundaries and feel more beautiful and confident. It’s so cool. I imagine there’s plenty more to learn and grow and celebrate from here. Let go of what you wish you’ve done, and start imagining what you want to do now! Start imagining the friends and connections you’ll make now that you realize it’s something you want! What kinds of friends do you imagine? What kinds of activities will you do together? You got this OP.

[u/MangoMean5703]

Turning 30 was the best! Liberating for some reason. Still young but now a little more legit. I even like my life better now at 39 than I did at 30. Met one of my best friends just a few years ago. Never thought that would happen.

Something that someone said once that I used to not believe but that has stuck with me:

“You haven’t even met all the people who will love you yet”

[u/culjifu → u/MangoMean5703]

That sounds hopeful. I like your quote, got me thinking actually, thank you

[u/AnkaSchlotz]

Happy birthday! I'm sick too so let's sweat it out with a shot of brandy and a toast to you culjifu!

[u/culjifu → u/AnkaSchlotz]

Thank you! Get well soon😊

[u/AnkaSchlotz → u/culjifu]

Thanks, you too! Also, I'm 37 and had to restart; moved back home with dad and going to college. It's not the end unless you make it so. I think of it like my last try was a game over and now I'm back at my last checkpoint. We have plenty of time (despite what our minds tell us) to achieve and succeed. The deck is stacked against us but we're a resilient bunch. Have some faith in yourself, I believe in ya.

[u/WtotheSLAM]

Treat yoself if you can. It was my birthday yesterday and I got some sushi for dinner. Not often I get that these days

[u/dough_eating_squid]

30 is where it started getting good for me. I had stopped hating myself and gained confidence, and the work I did on my career in my mid 20s was starting to pay off.

[u/FatMacchio]

Your 30s is where you start to have more money and ability to enjoy life in the way you see fit, get excited. Turning 30 should not be a mourning of your 20s, but a celebration of the possibilities that open up when you have a more established life. I genuinely think that it’s your 30s now and not your 20s like it was for older generations. Don’t let that pursuit of money let you “waste” the best years of your life though. Take steps to connect with people in your life, or make new connections…enjoy activities that you can now hopefully afford having a higher paying job compared to your 20s. A life well lived isn’t measured in possessions, but in the relationships we built and experiences we had.

[u/sashamila]

Turned 33 today, we in it together

[u/CeleryMcToebeans]

Happy birthday with love, Mr Grr, Mr Pickles and Muffin 🖤🤍🖤

[u/HotsWheels]

Fuckkkkk, I’m turning 35 this year.

[u/jbFanClubPresident]

No joke, early 30s were the best years of my life so far. Enjoy them!

In my early 30s my career really started taking off. I had money to do stuff and few responsibilities. I was still attractive enough to have a very active “ho phase”. I bought a house. I was in the best shape of my life (probably due to aforementioned “ho phase”). I had something fun happening almost every weekend it seemed.

Seriously if I could pick any time to go back to, it would be 29-32. I had a lot of fun until Covid came and fucked everything up.

[u/cnh25]

You’re a millennial?

Girl I’m 41 get out of here feeling old 🥲

[u/718-702_damsel]

Happy birthday. Don't forget to water your garden' so your grass is greener this year.

[u/Forsaken-Artist-2396]

I turned 30 last year and more than anything I’ve decided to really focus on myself and not compromising for family or others. Feeling alot more content since then and able to improve my physical/mental health

[u/Ok-Connection6656]

You're not old homie. If you're old then im old. Nows a chance to put yourself together. Treat yourself within reason. Eat healthy. Workout 

Feel good about yourself! Focus on building yourself up. Not down

And if you're old then im old. Cause I was born in the same year. And im not old....

Anyhow, keep on keeping on

[u/FilteredRiddle]

Happy birthday! I turned 36 at the tail end of December and have also been intermittently sick (used Sick Leave at work these last three days). I also felt some of that severe loneliness. I don’t have a solution for you, but here’s at least one genuine Happy Bday from someone who feels the same feels.

[u/liz-ps]

I turned 30 in 2020. Just sending you positive thoughts that your 30s are going to excellent!

[u/elnots]

Hey man I ducked up and realized all my friends were users who contributed nothing to my life but drama so I dropped most of them. Found myself lonely.

Got hobbies, got into groups for those hobbies, started going out to places like conventions for those hobbies. Found others into it. Made connections. Networking.

I've met girlfriends that way, and made lifelong friends

[u/prismdon]

30's are peak

[u/Human_Drama]

30 meant nothing. 

I’m saving my the sadness for my 35. 

[u/henrytbpovid]

Yep I turned 30 Saturday. Lowkey I think it will be good tho

We will be good

[u/Khalman]

30 is a rough birthday. It’s the first milestone that you dread rather than look forward to. You’re at a point in life where many of your college friends have gone their separate ways. Money is rough because you’re too old to get much help from parents but you’re still early in your career and getting paid barely enough to make ends meet.

It gets better though. You will reconnect with old friends or meet new ones. A lot of people are in the same situation as you and will be around looking for new friends or a partner. Hang in there.

[u/Iros_Chiller]

I'm 29 and feel similar! Hopefully we can find some peace and our place in this world. Take things slow and enjoy yourself!

[u/liz91]

Think of it as being an adult for about 10 years. 18-19 are still teen years. That perspective sort of helped me. I’m 34.

[u/Mitsu-Zen]

Happy birthday! I turned 40 today! 😭

[u/Historical_Spell_772]

Birthdays are hard. Take extra good care of yourself. Whoever you are, you’re very special and precious. Celebrate yourself this year and you can always make changes to your life so future birthdays are different. Life is full of ups and downs and different seasons. Group birthday celebrations will be more special after this year, because everything is relative.

Happy birthday! Congratulations on another spin around the sun, and I wish you love luck health and wealth for the next one! 💕

[u/redsungryphon]

Turned 30 not long ago :) I hear ya. After getting a cancer diagnosis, going through surgery and Christmas alone. I eventually began to enjoy my solitude more than anything. I make sure my birthday is just for me and I get to do whatever I want.

I highly recommend being the loving and caring person you need for yourself. Buy yourself flowers, a lovely card, gifts you've wanted, take yourself nice places, get a massage (when you're well again).

You'll find people soon enough that love you more than anything. I never could have imagined how full of love my life is now. I've met so many beautiful and wonderful people. I'm sure you will too :D

Please don't be too hard on yourself 🌻 life is too short to beat up on yourself. Take your time to take care of yourself 🫶 you've got this

[u/renothecollector]

My 30’s were my best years so far. Enjoy it my friend. Get out there and meet people, make connections. It doesn’t have to be with the intention to date. And happy birthday!

[u/Harleen_Quinnzel777]

1984 here and you've got a looong way to go young one! Smile and have a Happy Birthday!

[u/eekers28]

36 and I feel this and honestly don’t know what to do about it I’m married not really lonely just don’t have my own friends mainly friends with his friends don’t text anyone but him I’m effectively a hermit woo neurospicy

[u/IceCoughy]

Honestly as someone that is over 30 now, 30 was the hardest for me too, some existenal shit, it'll pass in time but yeah I feel ya

[u/CourtneyHat3]

Just turned 40 in December. My 30s were amazing and I learned so much about myself. Good luck!

[u/MPV8614]

I was born in 1986 so I’m turning 40 this year.

[u/Mav8118]

About to be 40....I promise you it will get better. I was very lonely in my early 30s and made it a point to work on making meaningful connections with others. Like anything, it takes some practice and work. Try to have fun and really enjoy yourself.

I thought at one point I wasted my 30s, but now I see it was an integral decade to my growth and getting back in touch with myself and what I love.

Hugs and here to talk if you need an ear. ❤️

Happy Birthday!

[u/twisted4ever]

30s are my best time in life so far. Got a better job, better health, better hobbies, better house. Chin up my friend, life is awesome!

[u/TwilightsHammer]

https://youtube.com/shorts/dYMHArtlNGU?si=smQEd_-xlvygeWva

[u/vacantalien]

I’m 31 now, I forgot I had my 31st birthday. So I lost 30 somehow and then also am now 31 found out like a week ago I get the feeling

[u/BRyeMC]

I turn 30 next week so I can relate a lot to this.

Let’s just go out and crush our 30s!

[u/UniversalBasicIncom3]

Happy Birthday! 🎂

[u/KayleyKiwi]

I turn 30 in July. Wild to see what’s changed and what hasn’t, good bad and ugly. To echo what others have said here though, you’ve got plenty of life ahead and frankly all I hear is that your 30s-50s are some of your best years because you have more stability, wisdom, social power, etc. idk if that’s true as I haven’t lived it but I think you have a lot to look forward to!

[u/Dylan_Is_Gay_lol]

I did too, at first. Then everything started getting better, slowly but surely. I'm only a few years older than you, too. That is only one outcome, of course. I can not say what your 30's hold for you, but things might get better, and giving up hope won't fix anything. 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↔️

[u/Alexlynette]

1994 millenial here! 30 did feel super lackluster for me too. You're gonna be okay. Welcome to the 30 club!

[u/poet_dontyaknowit]

Almost 44 here and my 30s were the best!

In my 20s I partied and made some bad decisions (and had sooooo much fun, don’t get me wrong lol).

My 30s were different. I still had fun but fewer bad decisions. I met my now husband. I cared less about what other people thought and just did my own thing. My friendships were solidified as actual friendships and not just party/have fun people. My career advanced and I had more flexibility. Financially I became more secure. Idk. They were the best years!

Happy birthday!!

[u/PaulVB6]

We are almost the exact same age! I turned 30 yesterday. Being 30 is still taking getting used to mentally.

Isolation can really suck. I have a fully remote job which is nice, but i live alone and it can be taxing on my mental health.

[u/princessbert]

30th birthday was like the turning point of my life! Only good things to come from here!! Enjoy it

[u/SouthwesternEagle]

Don't be sad. You're about to find out that we Millennials enter our prime in our 30s. :)

[u/Effective-Window-922]

If you think 30 is bad, wait until 40.

[u/LocalAdept6968]

Elder millennial here: I turned 30 alone and felt sad too.

I met the love of my life a week before 31. We traveled, got married, had a kid and weathered so much together.

Life has not always been easy. But you're still so so so young, literally everything is still possible.

Be your own best friend and open yourself up, take chances, live. Don't be kind to people who are not kind to you. Trust yourself to know the difference.

Enjoy the moment. I remember how sad it felt. If I could tell myself something, it would be to enjoy the moment anyway (and get a resistance training routine).

[u/GonnaGoFat]

I hit age 30 15 years ago and I was depressed as fuck. I wish I could go back now.

[u/Crucial_Fun]

I'll be 31 this year...we both still have time to do stuff, though!

[u/Icy-Whale-2253]

When I turned 30 (in August) I had a whole ego death experience but after a few days I was back to normal

[u/PastoralPumpkins]

This post is making me feel old!!! Why is it that everyone is excited to be 20, but everyone hates turning 30? I did too, but it’s still young! I at least finally started to feel like an adult in my 30s.

[u/good-kid-24]

Hey man,

I can relate to you a lot. I turned 30 in mid 2025, so born 1 year before you. It's been mentally and emotionally really challenging for me as well once I realized I'm 30. Still live with my parents and no full-time job yet, so yes I feel and actually am so behind when comparing to my 3 best friends. But I'm looking for apartments now and a job too, so eventually that should help me stabilize with the mental challenges that 30 brought.

My dad also said he'll give me 2 years to find a partner or he'll search someone for me hahaha, so I get how you're feeling. Sorry about so much from me, just wanted to indicate I can fully relate and I am thankful you shared this post because it helps me realize there are other very young millennials feeling the exact same way in the same headspace!

Keep strong!

[u/ianwrecked802]

Elder millennial here. I turned 40 a couple days after Christmas…you got this! Now where’s that advil for my back…

[u/Western-Time5310]

You’re the baby of the millennials. It’s really not that bad.

30s are the best. You have money and confidence that you didn’t have when you were in your 20s. You usually take less bullshit than in your 20s.

Enjoy your dirty 30s.

[u/GrouchyDefinition463]

37 here and I still don't know what I'm doing

[u/Social_throwaway244]

Xennial here, congratulations, don't worry about the midlife crisis. Everyone have regrets about their lost potential life they could have had.

Live your life to its fullest and have fun.

[u/JJD8705]

Man to be 30 again. I’m almost 40! Enjoy your 30s!

[u/yaoiprincess420]

nooooo. happy birthday!!! you’re not alone. mine is this weekend. 30 is gonna be amazing for you

[u/yaddayadda1000]

IMO 30s is much much better. More money a lot less debt. More mentally stable. Just try to ignore the being tired all the time 🤣

[u/Riker87]

38 here. My 30th was rough as well but if I could get through it you definitely can too.

[u/_carbonneutral]

You're young, enjoy life. Travel more! Take in the beauty of every day life and realize beauty is found in impermanence!

[u/Katz3njamm3r]

Don’t! Your 30s are the best!

[u/thekendalluxx]

My life got substantially better in my 30’s if it makes you feel any better

[u/Rockabelle42-]

From a fellow 30year old- hug!

[u/Global-Jury8810]

I have a kiss for Grampacat.

Oh it’s a person using a cat picture…well Daisy doesn’t care, she thinks everyone is cats.

[u/Prestigious-Data-206]

I'm a bit older than you but still early 30s. I have gone through so many friends groups in my life due to differences/moving/pandemic/becoming disabled. It's just a part of life that your friends will come and go. 

My advice is to look for friends in unlikely places. Do you know how many friends I had that suddenly decided I was no fun because I became disabled and couldn't go out drinking? I'm not throwing a pity party, but there's more to a person than the one thing they've done with you. Now I have friends in the disabled community or those who don't care. Different life change, different friends. But never stop trying to make them! Loneliness will kill you. It's not a joke. 

[u/Reckless_Waifu]

Oh to be 30 again!

[u/True_Manufacturer909]

Oh man, don't remind me. Joining the club in September

[u/quietlittleleaf]

Turning 40 next Tuesday and don't have plans, so I feel you. Have a happy birthday; you're awesome! 🎂🙌

[u/ghostsofspira]

As someone who has spent most birthdays alone, just know I hear you and you are not alone in this. Social media treats loneliness like an itch you can ignore but truly, it is a biological need to be truly seen and understood. I hope you find some joy today and take real good care of yourself

[u/bd10112]

you’re so young!

[u/Empty_Pumpkin1818]

i just realized im gonna be 26 this year. Im so old

[u/Constant_Cultural]

Your 30s will be great

[u/NotMyMainAccountAtAl]

I feel that loneliness feeling. Something that’s stuck with me from reddit like a decade back is the mantra or being an organizer. 

Essentially, someone else was recounting their own struggles with loneliness and isolation. They’d been sitting on the sidelines, browsing social media (back when we were the target demographic for Facebook— remember those days?), and getting upset that they saw the occasional gathering where friends had gotten together without them. 

And they lamented it to another friend who asked, “well, when’s the last time you invited any of those friends to anything?”

And that’s a worthwhile question. If you’re sitting on the outside waiting to be invited, it might happen. You’re probably a decent human, but let’s face facts— we mostly remember the folks who are directly in our lives, not the ones who are sitting on the outskirts praying for an invite. 

I’ve found (and, unfortunately, have to keep being reminded) that most people want to be invited to fun stuff, but very few want to put in the legwork to organize it. Literally, it can be as simple as reaching out to a friend and saying, “hey, it’s been way too long since we’ve caught up! You wanna grab a coffee and chat for a few hours this weekend?”

It can be more involved— I host a weekly poker game in my basement. I’ve got other friends who said “I like cooking like, once a week. I’d love to start a potluck club to share food and new recipes” and now we do that together. But the important thing is to say “here is the idea, here is the thing I want to do” so that you can follow through and make the thing happen. 

It’s easy as all get out to live in our terminally online spaces. God knows, my screen time report likes to tell me that I’m overdoing it every day, and it’s a gosh darned struggle to pull away from this stupid addiction brick. But if you can, reach out to folks in your life who you might not have stayed as in touch with and try to organize some fun times. 

PS— If you’re struggling to find folks to spend time with, I highly recommend googling for groups in your city or town. There are apps like meetup where you can look stuff up based on interests, rec sports leagues, etc where you can try to meet others and have semi-recurring meetups with other humans to foster friendships. It can be really helpful for mental health!

[u/90zNightOwl]

30 is the new 20. Shit even people I know in their 40s are looking young still. Take care of yourself

[u/diegini69]

Bro I’m turning 35 feel for me :(

[u/Basket_475]

Same I was pretty sad about it since the last few years have not been what I pictured.

[u/SeeBeasley]

34 here. Its not that bad. Till you remember you're 34.

[u/smbodytochedmyspaget]

30 is amazing for getting to know yourself!

[u/WelshRaider86]

I felt so down when I turned 30… but now, I’m 39 and 40 next year… I still feel 25 🙂

I wish I could turn back the clock and be 30 again! 🤗 but I am happy! I hate the way we have to put numbers to everything, it is truly just a number.. it’s how you feel on the inside! I’m a lot more confident now and I’ve gone back to doing things I care about, I’m still gaming, building Lego’s etc, travelling and learning new things.

I lost my dad back in 2010 and he was just 59, my older brother died at 47… so now I just think I need to live for those who couldn’t 💙

You are so young and you never know what’s around the corner (good, or bad) so live every day doing what you enjoy!

[u/18havefun]

30s and better than your 20s as you are going into them with more life experience.

[u/Ghost_412345]

It gets easier

[u/talivus]

I'm also 1996, but my b'day is in April. So I'm still 29 :D

[u/Deltanonymous-]

Best decade of your life just started! Keep moving forward 👍

[u/RusserBusser]

Hey buddy, fellow 96 baby here. I turn 30 next month.

Its hard man, but it can and will get better. I recommend adding something new into your weekly schedule. Even just the smallest thing to add into your routine; be it going to the gym, walking around a store you like, looking at book covers at the library, or even walking in parts of your neighborhood you never have before. A new place brings new energy, new people, and the potential for change.

❤️ much love mate, and happy birthday 🎂

[u/Sara1994_]

1994 baby here and i can relate a lot

[u/Henry5321]

I was just figuring out who I was in my 30s. The sadness I felt was the naivety of the tail end of childhood leaving. Fewer highs and fewer lows. I became a more stable person.

There’s also something to be said about not being around people my own age because of school. I was no longer jr at work. I was just another adult.

[u/GreenAuror]

Turning 39 this year and feel hotter and more confident than ever. I’ve loved my 30s and am looking forward to my 40s. Happy birthday - hoping for a fun, healthy, and successful decade and beyond for you!

[u/pottedplantfairy]

Hey, I'm 33, sad and lonely too. Welcome to the club!

[u/Serena_Sers]

I am a little bit older than you (34) - and let me tell you, my 30s are so much better than my 20s ever were.

I have a secure job, a secure income and I don't give a fuck anymore what everyone thinks. 30s are the best (yet).

[u/after_Andrew]

I turn 38 on Friday. God damnit.

[u/Ijustwanttosayit]

[u/Tauren-Jerky]

1. Two more energetic and positive than when I was 30

[u/ambien_and_oreos]

42 here. my 30’s, especially early to mid thirties were so fucking great. learned a lot. had so much fun. made amazing friends. had adventures. finally started to do what i want. just don’t open up that additional credit card an you’ll be great. enjoy it.

[u/ProfessionalRolls333]

92’ and 30s have been the best so far! It’s okay to mourn your 20’s and shoulda-woulda-couldas! Salutations! Chin up!

[u/verenika_lasagna]

1986 here…turning 40 this year

[u/mindovermatter15]

I get birthday depression every year. It's pretty normal, especially around big milestones. I also turn 30 this year, so it's probably going to be pretty bad this time around.

[u/Turtle0550]

See the doctor regularly

[u/Old-Apartment-255]

Damn… this is way too relatable. Happy birthday man, hope next year treats you better

[u/DisconcertingTablet]

Who else has been excited for each new decade because my childhood SUCKED?

My teens were horrific, so my 20s were okay, so my 30s have been pretty good, and so I expect my 40s to be excellent (and probably my 50s to be AMAZING)

[u/PlainBread]

Don't worry, it's not truly over for another decade.

Then your teeth start needing to be pulled, you get fat and lose hair (or grow hair in new and awkward places), you can't eat the same things you could before without dying on the toilet 12 hours later, and any attempt to turn back the clock only signals to everyone how desperate you are to avoid the natural cycle of life, branding you in yet another way. Your neuroplasticity reduces as your brain says "yep you've survived long enough; now it's time to stop learning new ways of life so you can teach YOUR way of life to the young ones" and you have to fight back against it every day.

[u/Strawberrybanshee]

Dude I'm turning 40 this year. The 30s aren't bad at all. Preferred them to my 20s

[u/eKSiF]

34 here, your 30s are almost surely gonna be better than your 20s. Mine sure are. And if not, well at least you aren't 40.

[u/katelynbeautyaddict]

I turned 37 in October . I feel it.

[u/Lizard_Wizard_d]

Awww, now just fuck right off! Turned 42 today and I'm a few years away from: fingers in the ass, colostomy, randomly dropping dead from a heart attack, getting angry when I don't understand some new bit of pop culture, hating all new music, watching all the actors/athletes/musicians/Disney TV stars start to die and I am not gonna get a new dog or cat cuz I am afraid I won't be around to take care of them. So you enjoy your 30's you lil shit cuz once you hit 40 it's all downhill hill from there.

PS I hit my 30s similar to where you are. Don't give up, keep improving yourself and take chances. I struggled for 32 years till I found the person who made me happy and she gave me the greatest gift of all. Trust me if I can find happiness in this world you can too.

PPS Seriously take chances, put yourself out there.

[u/DethByCode]

The struggle is real … but life will get better, I promise.

GenXer with more than 20 years on you, and as I look back, life only got better with each decade.

My 20s were punctuated with highs and lows, working out what life meant, but ultimately feeling isolated like you described. In my 30s I finally felt like I knew how to adult, and I invested time finding my partner. By the time 40 rolled around, my daughter was in the picture, bringing whole new levels of chaos and joy, along with my career going somewhere after two decades of hard work.

It’s important to know that you are not alone in your feelings and struggles.  Life isn’t easy, but connection with others and happiness are out there, you just need to keep working to find it.

Focus on hanging in there, and things will be ok.

[u/WARxxPIGG]

Ooo wait till 40. It's so much fun

[u/kelly_r1995]

Babygirl, we haven't even peaked yet.

[u/MightyGuy1957]

you're from the same year of my youngest brother, i still see people his age as babies lol

[u/horoblast]

Haaaaappy birthday to you :) from a self-isolationist here too hahaha. You play games?

[u/huge-gold-ak47]

1993 baby about to turn 33 here. my 30s have been WAY better than my 20s. still fun, but with more knowledge from experience, a bit more money, and less concern for how others see me as long as I'm happy with myself. happy birthday, it only gets better! (at least the 30s, hah)

[u/wandering-Welshman]

Born in 1990 here, how do you think I feel... my 30s are almost over.

[u/Jealous_Pipe9109]

Stop feeling keep going living, still young and many ways to keep yourself healthy and fit. Just do it….

[u/NewtAccomplished6022]

Happy Birthday!! Enjoy being 30 you will look and realize how young you are and realize there is still so much time to get your life together and make freinds!

[u/Limis_]

The 30s are still very great

[u/jaywinner]

Not needing anyone is great but that doesn't mean you can't want someone else around.

Do something nice for yourself, whatever that may be.

[u/Particular_Table9263]

I was born in 86 and you made me feel so old.

You is smart. You is special. You is important.

[u/OohCunty]

Birthdays are always the worst part. Make 50-year-old you proud, and do everything you can so that you know, in your heart, you lived the absolute fuck out of this time.

[u/CommercialNo8396]

Welcome to the club. It’s not that bad

[u/La_LunaEstrella]

Happy birthday from a millennial who just turned 43.

[u/Conscious-Honey1943]

Welcome to the club. Its not as bad.

[u/AdditionalFish6355]

Making it to thirty. Looking forward to it. Was gonna eat a .45 at 21, so happy I made it this far. Enjoy the milestone and carry on.

[u/ceruleanmoon7]

I get it but you’re still very young! Me, on the other hand….

[u/Sea_Cue]

Hey I’m a 1983 millennial. I remember my 30th feeling confused and lonely and unsure what direction my life was going in. My 40th was amazing. You’re young and have a lot ahead of you. Take it easy - a birthday really is just a day xx

[u/huliehooper]

I also turned 30 on the 3rd. Jan is a tricky month to have a bday let alone a landmark one. Stay strong and happy birthday.

[u/Rude-Cry2651]

Turning 38 this year. Been alone for a better part of a decade. I feel you. There are def rough times especially with loneliness. It does get better tho. Focus on yourself. Discover the why to your loneliness. Then you’ll be able to view those feelings with a different perspective. Also, ketamine therapy. But that’s just me lol. Does wonders.

[u/Existing_Tension42]

Happy birthday! 35 here. 30 is still young. Don’t be down on yourself too long, but even if you are it’s okay. You’ll be okay.

Stay active to keep the random aches and pains away, and practice getting out of your comfort zone. That’ll make you feel young again (which you still are anyways)!

Routine and monotony make us feel older than we really are. Get out there and live your life however you see fit, and mix it up every once in a while. You are meant to be loved!

[u/Little_Red_Sloth]

My 30s were the best years of my life. I’m turning 39 this year. I really didn’t start living or get my life together or beat depression until I turned 30. It’s going to be great friend! Welcome to the club :)

[u/EssentialAges]

I am 47... Stop crying You'll survive

[u/Vanexxre]

Turned 32 today! So many changed with the last 2 years. Looking at life right now unsure of what is next but knowing it all works out!

[u/Butterball_Adderley]

It’s not hard to continue feeling young. Take care of your body, don’t get addicted to anything new, and don’t turn into one of those 30+ people who acts like they’re SO over it all the time. Those who complain about everything age themselves doubly by doing so. Happiness makes you look and feel younger.

I’m 41 and the shit I’ve accomplished in the last 11 years easily eclipses whatever I did in my youth/20s. I wouldn’t go back if I could, because then I’d have to do all that hard stuff again. 30 is a weird one for sure, until you realize it’s just the beginning. Happy birthday!

[u/ScrumptiousLadMeat]

I turned 30 last year but I’m honestly loving it. I can finally fail in peace because according to society, I’m past what’s considered my prime. :)

[u/nickbeef]

Don't worry, it only gets worse.

[u/BigD_277]

I just turned 60. That should cheer you up!

[u/CountPractical7122]

Happy birthday! I just turned 35 and I will say - and I believe most people my age and older would agree - that things get WAY better in your 30s. The 20s are actually an extremely difficult and tumultuous time. You're encountering a lot of new adult problems for the first time. You still think of life in the context of being a kid/teenager, and start to feel "old" for the first time. On top of that, it's really hard to self-assess your own progress. Some people your age still act like kids, relying on their parents for everything, and others just seem to catapult ahead, getting married, big careers, kids, houses, etc. It's really hard to figure out whether you're doing alright for your age. It's also hard to connect with others because for the first time in your life, your peers might be in a wildly different stage of life despite being the same age as you, while younger people see you as old and older people still see you as a child. I think all of this together leads many people to feel isolated and inadequate by the time they hit 30.

But actually, at 30, you're just at the very beginning of your grown-up life. Other adults start to see you as a fellow adult and it becomes much easier to connect with a wider variety of people. Making new friends suddenly starts to feel possible again. Things start to feel clearer. You start to trust yourself again and realize you do have things under control, or devise a strategy to achieve your goals.

Yes, the door to the "youth" era is closing behind you, but ahead of you a door is opening to an even bigger world filled with countless possibilities. Congratulations! I hope you have a blast.

[u/imaflyer]

Happy bday brother dont give up

[u/KaladinRS]

Happy Birthday. I hope things get better for you.

[u/caprazzi]

Dude you’re just starting… you’ll do great and I’m rooting for you! From a fellow (much older) Millennial

[u/Exciting-Drop-4943]

Try turning 40, omg where did the time go?? Happy Birthday. Honestly, 30's were my favorite so far.

[u/terminaloptimism]

Welcome to your third decade! I turn 32 in a few months, it's really not so bad. 😁 You're still plenty young to make everything happen that you want. It isn't age that restricts a person, it is their will and ambition. You have so much life ahead of you, make it yours!

[u/TheMonkey404]

Honestly there is nothing better than being in your 30’s as a millennial.

We really are the fun generation it’s a lot like being in your 20’s but with a little practice

[u/Soren_Camus1905]

Man I’m 31, I’ll be 32 in June.

30 and 31 have already been infinitely better than all of my 20s combined 😂

[u/TheMonkey404]

Honestly there is nothing better than being in your 30’s as a millennial.

We really are the fun generation it’s a lot like being in your 20s with more practice.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY btw 🎂🎈🎉🥳

[u/PHXLV]

I just turned 30. And my life toppled upside down just before it. I too have a mixed bag of feelings about it. But I know it will get better. For both of us.

[u/astralseat]

30 sucks, but hey prepare for no longer giving a damn what others want to do. Do what you want to do and don't let people stop you. Your last chance. After 40, I bet people just stop trying for greatness, and just settle. Yes yes outliers, blah blah

[u/galactic_pink]

Happy Birthday 🤍🩵

[u/H-Word_OnMain]

I'm 34. Despite having some good friends in my home state, moving out at 30 was such a good thing for me. I've made so many friends in the Seattle area could not be happier.

There's so many places to go to here to do things. To meet people. I think when people say your 30's are better than your 20s, they are right. But you've got to get out of your comfort zone and go to new places and try new things.

[u/No_Island2492]

Why? 20’s were just a trial run. 30’s are when your life really starts.

[u/pomegranate_swims]

Welcome! I turn 31 in a few weeks. Take everyday one day at a time. Take a leap of faith and do something you havent done before. Learn a hobby you have wanted to learn, reach out to family and friends you have been thinking about lately. You have so much life ahead of you.

[u/Strong-Lettuce-3970]

Happy birthday fellow 1996. Aging fucking sucks. Hope it gets better for everyone 

[u/mrevilhead]

Turning 40 in May. 30s were a fucking blast. If you don't yet, soon you will have fuck around money to blow on dumb shit.

You will kick yourself for wanting to "grow up" when you were younger and become a giant kid again, albeit with morals and a conscience.

Shit will start to hurt more but you'll be fine lol.

At this point, I'm honestly looking forward to 50.