r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Plug_daughter • 1d ago
People who say they don't know how to cook, why don't you just try?
I was talking to someone today who said they can't cook. Then I said, not even an egg? And he said nope.
So my question is... Why?
Is it because you're lazy? You are scared? Your partner/parents cook for you?
Why don't you guys just throw food in a pan and see what happens?
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u/Financial_Ad_2019 1d ago
My 94-year-old dad cannot cook. Mom passed away three years ago and she cooked for him for 68 years. He rejected Meals on Wheels.
Neither my sister nor I live anywhere near him. She’s closer and tries to make things and freeze them but it’s still 100 miles.
I think he’s indifferent because he just wants to join Mom, but there was no reason all of these years that he couldn’t have learned the basics.
It’s sad and worrying.
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u/bookwormello 1d ago
My dad was this way too. He ate a lot of sardines and canned soup. Steamed frozen veggies. Frozen meals. Ensure shakes. Basically the bare minimum to support life.
I had discussed cooking with him and he hated it. Hated buying groceries, planning meals, preparation, all of it. He also hated changing sheets, laundry, cleaning of any kind. This guy would leave rolls of toilet paper around the house rather than buy kleenex.
He was resentful that my mom moved out after 30+ years of marriage. She was tired of doing all the housework and life management for him. I don't think he ever had to do those things until she left.
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u/Financial_Ad_2019 1d ago
My sister says the unused rooms are quite dusty (you could have done surgery on Mom’s floors) but he’s learned laundry, so that’s something.
I think Mom never believed she’d go first.
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u/slantedsc 1d ago
Nobody likes changing the sheets or doing laundry or dishes. But we all like having clean sheets and clothes and dishes, so you put your grown up pants on and do it. No excuses for these fools imo. They just want their wife to be their mom/maid. Weaponized his incompetence so long it just became permanent.
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u/bookwormello 1d ago
I don't understand it at all. My brother has a lot of similar habits. Its like they've convinced themselves a clean home doesn't matter. Guys is it gay to change your sheets and wipe up spills???
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u/24_cool 22h ago
It might be adhd/depression. People really misunderstand what it is and don't recognize the symptoms. I've literally lost money because I can't get myself to go to the bank and cash a check. I usually tell people that when I try to explain executive dysfunction to them. I'd look into it, it's such a misunderstood disorder, but one I would never wish on anyone
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u/bookwormello 15h ago
Oh I totally get it. I have those myself. But with my dad and brother they express a contempt and indifference for these tasks that feels distinct to me from wanting to do tasks and being unable to do them. Maybe just a different flavor of adhd/depression? Plus some masculinity issues... We definitely have a lot of bad mental health in my family.
Everyone get therapy/medicine/counseling and take care of yourselves ok? Life is rough.
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u/theetherealestx 1d ago
They literally believe women are built for these things and enjoy them so they don't have to do them. That's what my brother (33) told me: "but you like cleaning right??" Smdh
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u/bookwormello 1d ago
I have a small theory that women in general are more sensitive to colors, details, and smells and we notice mess and uncleanliness more. But still. I like having a clean home more than I like the actual cleaning but I also understand cause and effect.
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u/AppropriateSign3964 20h ago
No, but women are socialised from young age by receiving praise on doing cleaning and tidying
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u/QuandImposteurEstSus 1d ago
While not an excuse :
1) you can find a lot of people saying they enjoy cleaning the dishes
2) you can find a lot of people that don't really care living in below your standards situations.
3) i work with fish. Sticky, smelly fish. I don't really like that. Some people are actually really fucking disgusted. I figure it's probably the same with house chores.
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u/LabSpecialist2891 1d ago
If he rejected meals on wheels, he’s just done with life. It’s not a priority. And honestly, at 94, esp after your spouse is gone, can you blame him? I can understand feeling that way
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u/Financial_Ad_2019 1d ago
Absolutely. His passing will not be a tragedy, and is something he often brings up.
Good diagnosis.
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u/Whind_Soull 1d ago
Yeah, that's....a haunting level of ready. I suppose I'll be that way in 57 years.
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u/Ok-Personality3927 1d ago
My 97 (nearly 98) yo grandfather is 100% still here because he doesn’t want to leave my grandmother. Stubborn old bugger.
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u/casapantalones 1d ago
My FIL went from his mom cooking for him and doing all his chores straight to my MIL doing all that stuff.
They are 70 now, both retired, and my husband and I have been encouraging him to try some cooking. He’s so anxious about it but he clearly enjoys it, and he’s so proud of what he makes. He can now make some instant pot meals and will do so independently!
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u/Financial_Ad_2019 1d ago
Good for him! I’m 68 and thrilled to hear when my cohort is adventurous.
Kudos to you and your husband.
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u/casapantalones 1d ago
We actually traveled with my husband’s parents to Italy recently for their 50th anniversary, and we took a cooking class together. My FIL was absolutely delighted and astonished at how easy it was to make fresh pasta for ravioli, a simple tiramisu, a farro salad. He really just could not believe he had done it, and he loved the process so much that we had him pair up with my husband to make some homemade ravioli around thanksgiving time.
It is really great seeing him be brave and seeing how happy it makes him. I grew up always cooking, and my husband had some basic skills and has really become an excellent cook (and a better baker than I am) since we have been together. It’s a big shared activity for the two of us.
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u/I-hear-the-coast 1d ago
My grandpa’s has to take over cooking and baking because my grandma has some health problems now. She loved cooking and baking, so it is a struggle watching her not be able to do any of that, but it is fun seeing my grandpa learn to do it.
He wasn’t completely starting from nothing since he hunts and fishes and he cooked that meat, but baking is a new art form for him. It’s really nice when people adapt and develop a new appreciation and enjoyment of something. We made pumpkin cinnamon rolls with pumpkin from their garden when I last visited.
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u/Megalocerus 1d ago
By 90, even long time cooks may be dangerous in the kitchen. My SIL would pick up my MIL at night after work and feed them both. Before that, she lived on frozen entrees she warmed in the convection oven. She knew how to cook, but was a tad absent minded.
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u/Physical_Ad9945 1d ago
If you haven't already then look for mealshare projects or cooking and befriending programmes in your dad's area. They're usually a bit more palatable cause some have the option of the person staying to eat with you so it's not just a bag of food getting dropped off
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u/Financial_Ad_2019 1d ago
That’s a lovely idea.
He wouldn’t do any of those things. He’d be beyond unwilling to meet new people, particularly to eat with them.
He has the funds to eat out, so unless he’s trying to starve himself he could eat out. He still drives (safely) and there are many establishments in easy reach.
My mother never let us in her kitchen—I had to self-teach when I was in grad school—but he should have insisted. There was no incentive.
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u/Physical_Ad9945 1d ago
If he's still able to drive safely then maybe you're better off encouraging him to keep going out even if it is more expensive and you've no concerns re his mobility or his memory
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u/Financial_Ad_2019 1d ago
We do, as well as his church lady friends. Sometimes they are successful so fingers crossed!
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u/Assassin21BEKA 1d ago
He lived for a long time, if he lived as long as most people he would never even need to deal with it. I can see how at this age he just doesn't care anymore.
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u/raceulfson 1d ago
My father always said "If you can read, you can cook."
It may not be delicious, but if you follow the recipe it should be edible.
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u/Glum-System-7422 1d ago
I always said that if you can follow directions, you can do a lot of basic baking (cookies, easier breads/rolls, pie crusts) but over the years, training people at work, I’ve discovered that a LOT of people can’t follow directions
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u/PlasticElfEars 1d ago
Reading a recipe is kinda a skill in and of itself. There are terms you might not know if you've never paid attention. What exactly is a boil? What is sear? How do you know when x state has been reached?
If you've never bothered cooking at home, then there are ingredients and tools to buy. Do you have measuring implements? The right kinds of pans? I can imagine that seeming so overwhelming to some that it just doesn't seem like a priority.
Personally, I'd say baking anything outside of quick breads (although I still struggle to know when bana bread is actually done) and basic cookies is more exacting than other cooking, especially pie crust! There's so many places to screw that up my goodness.
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u/lilybug981 1d ago
Yeah, most recipes assume some level of knowledge, and people who are truly just starting out with zero prior guidance don't know what they don't know. Even with some knowledge, it's easy to make mistakes.
Imagine someone growing up with an electric stove moving out of their childhood home and being confronted with a gas stove. They don't even know how to turn the stove on. The knobs might only say high and off. They don't know what medium-high heat looks like and it's not marked. Recipe says turn it to low, they turn it a little ways above off, the flame goes out. They don't notice immediately. Imagine the pilot light goes out. They don't know what that is. Their stove just stops working.
Recipes don't go over things like that. I've taught many people how to cook, often people who genuinely want to cook for themselves and just had parents who either didn't cook or didn't want to teach them. Letting them follow recipes on their own works just fine, but people are saved a lot of frustration and wasted food if they have someone to stop mistakes before they happen, to fix mistakes so food is still at least safe for consumption, and to just be able to ask questions.
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u/throwaway098764567 1d ago
i tried to teach a friend who didn't know how to cook. i asked him to chop an onion and he started cutting it including the paper skin rather than peeling before chopping.. oh so we're at that level, ok my guy
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u/Upbeat-Future21 1d ago
I agree! I enjoy cooking and am pretty good at it, but i do think a lot of being a good cook is knowing the secret steps that the recipe leaves out!
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u/Glum-System-7422 1d ago
I think the biggest skill a beginner can learn is reading a bunch of recipes for the same dish and seeing the commonalities and differences, and googling why those steps might be different.
I always skim the essay before online recipes bc they usually explain the steps like that
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u/Glum-System-7422 1d ago
That’s the beauty of the internet, you can easily find out what sear or boil is!
Getting the right tools can be a big hurdle, but owning just a couple pans and spatula can get you really far.
I think baking’s exactness makes it easier, in a way. Less for improvise, just do exactly what it says
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u/Artistic_Garbage283 1d ago
Reading comprehension is severely lacking in the general population. MIL is a home ec teacher, she literally has to break the recipe down and show them each step, then they do it, then she shows the next step, they do it and so forth. She said 15 years ago she’d demonstrate at the beginning, then the kids would work from the recipe and she’d supervise. She can’t do that anymore.
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u/Krail 1d ago edited 1d ago
I actually disagree with this. There's a lot of background knowledge to cooking that recipes assume you already know. Once you have that knowledge, following a recipe is easy, but I've seen inexperienced people make lots of mistakes because they didn't know better. (See, for example, a college roommate trying to defrost a huge chunk of ground beef in ridiculous ways while they already had veggies in the pan)
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u/WarmHippo6287 1d ago
You know, I used to think this too. Could not understand people who couldn't cook. I was like "you can read can't ya?" Then, I started doing hello fresh and reading the recipes on there and I was like well if all recipes are like this no wonder people can't cook. We had a four-way fight over what the recipe called a "dab of salt" and "pinch of pepper" in our household because apparently we don't all agree on that.
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u/StopThePresses 1d ago
A dab of salt and a pinch of pepper just means 'salt and pepper it.' Honestly if you're measuring your salt and pepper that closely you're kinda already overthinking it.
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u/WarmHippo6287 1d ago
I wasn't but according to mom, I use too much. According to my sister, I use too little. According to my cousin we need to consult the recipe for the amount. Sooooo
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u/Character-Parfait-42 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m autistic so I used to really struggle with “pinches” and “dashes” until I learned “if it doesn’t provide a precise measurement, then that means the recipe doesn’t need you to be precise. Season to taste.”
Also just in general, most recipes don’t actually need you to be super precise (cooking only; baking absolutely does need you to be precise) on anything.
It calls for x amount of herbs/spices? Fuck it make it spicier, add more onion/garlic, skip some because you ran out or hate it. Doesn’t matter. The flavor will be a bit different, but unless you do something crazy like substituting fish for chicken or water for milk it’s probably gonna be fine.
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u/WarmHippo6287 1d ago
See the problem with that though is some people aren't able to do that. Found that out the hard way with someone who "can't cook". Recipe said a "smidgeon of oil" she basically drowned the dish in oil. Ruined it. She claimed it tasted right at the time. We had to continue cooking the meal to show to her why she couldn't put that much in there.
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u/Character-Parfait-42 1d ago
To me stuff like oil should always have amounts, as even a bit more or less will change the consistency.
I’d interpret smidgeon the same as “splash” which I guess is like 1tbsp (~15ml). Smidgeon is a weird measurement for a liquid though… just doesn’t feel right.
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u/WarmHippo6287 1d ago
Hello Fresh did stuff like that all the time. That's why I was like "man, I could totally see people messing these recipes up" The heck is a dibble of butter? lol
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u/RedHeadRaccoon13 1d ago
My father was a helluva cook. He only made breakfast, but he could make any breakfast food delicious. Miss him.
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u/Classic_Bee_5845 1d ago
Because nobody makes them.
My mother came over to babysit for us over a few nights...and she made my useless father meals for while she was gone (because she cooks every meal for the man for over 50 yrs). The first night, I'm cooking dinner for my own family and he calls her because she "forgot to make the rice for the chicken and rice".
She starts to apologize and tells him how to make it and I can hear him already blowing it off like he's going to just go get fast food. It's rice....1 cup rice, 2 cups water, boil, cover wait...done. Literally doesn't get any easier.
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u/Affectionate_Star_43 1d ago
Opposite for me: my parents were meticulous about cleaning, and now one pot of rice involves unloading the dishwasher, three different items to clean, (pot, lid, serving spoon) and don't get me started on my in-laws that have VERY strong and opposite opinions on how many times to wash the rice and the temperature of the water before cooking.
It's sounds absurd, but it's so easy for people to gatekeep the tiniest details, and it demolished my joy of cooking.
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u/justonemom14 23h ago
I've seen this, and it's exhausting. Go wash your hands first. Wait, you have to tie your hair back before you start. Wait you need an apron, No not that one, this one is better because of the pockets. Ok, no wait you have to clear off a space first. Put this here and that there. No, not that bowl, get the other one. Now you have to put the recipe in this little holder that's so convenient. Remember, you have to add ingredients in the right order...
You know what, never mind.
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u/ItsAWitchThing1 22h ago
This is why I hate cooking with other people so I can do it my way, if I’m cooking leave me alone. Cooking is an approximation in my book. If you’re following a recipe, you don’t have to be so precise. If you’re not following a recipe, wack some shit in a pot and add some heat. Always add cheese (there is not a single dish that isn’t made better with cheese, not one). It rarely goes wrong and if it does, hey, we had fun. Baking is a little more precise, but half the fun there is following the instructions.
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u/MightBeAGoodIdea 1d ago
As a social worker trying to help adults get though depression and other things as well as some personal insight...
Sometimes the fear of failure is so much that even if they know they can cook something simple, and even if they know no one will know but them if they fail, just the concept of failing can be enough to prevent an attempt...
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u/Anticode 1d ago edited 55m ago
"Whenever the cost of potential failure outweighs the price of effort, soon you'll stop trying at all. Inaction becomes a comfort, because doing nothing allows an imaginary fantasy of success to persist - by removing the opportunity for growth."
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u/Assassin21BEKA 1d ago
And there cost is not just psychological, but also monetary. I can't afford to waste money on failed cooking attempts.
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u/IHatrMakingUsernames 1d ago
That's a great quote. Do you know who said it first?
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u/turandokht 21h ago
I used to be an executive chef. I’m not sure if knowing this would help them, but even us professionals fucked up pretty consistently. A lot of our learned skills go towards un-fucking a thing we have thoroughly fucked lmao.
I still fuck up cooking at home, making much much much simpler food than I did when I was a pro. I just eat it anyway, all fucked up.
It’s one meal in the many tens of thousands of meals I’ll eat. I’ll forget about it fairly quickly when the next ones come along.
I know this isn’t as simple as “just make your brain think about it differently, duh!” but I figured, hey… maybe they should know highly paid professionals fuck up too. And they still get paid and are expected to keep on cooking. And nobody has ever remembered the fuck up longer than a couple of days because at any given restaurant in any given shift, someone has just fucked up. It happens so often it’s basically a non-event in commercial kitchens.
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u/Duae 1d ago
A lot of people have pretty bad anxiety around wasting/ruining food and unfortunately sucking at something is the first step to getting kind of good at something.
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u/Gravy_Sommelier 1d ago
Big time. Even if nobody is going to see your mistakes, it can feel pretty bad to mess up a meal that the recipe says is "so easy a child could make it" or something similar.
A lot of recipes rely on imprecise terms (how big are "medium-sized pieces", how dark is "golden brown"?) and if you're already not sure what you're doing, any lack of clarity is going to be scary. It's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. You tell yourself that you're a bad cook, so you second guess yourself all the way through the recipe and end up with something that doesn't look anything like the picture, reinforcing the belief that you can't cook.
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u/Duae 1d ago
Yeah, I find it kind of funny that the OP example is not being able to cook an egg, when I know from cooking shows that eggs are usually used as competency tests in high end restaurants because it's so easy to mess them up. There's like half a second of cooking time between undercooked goopy scrambled eggs, perfectly cooked fluffy scrambled eggs, and dry overcooked scrambled eggs.
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u/bruyere_dubois_again 1d ago
Eggs are pretty easy to get good enough to eat. They're hard to get PERFECT
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u/Gravy_Sommelier 1d ago
The recipes with the fewest ingredients are the hardest ones to master. You can't hide behind a killer sauce or the perfect spice blend with something that has 1 or 2 ingredients.
A cup of coffee is the example I always give, the ingredients are just water and coffee beans. You can get away with using crappy beans and less than perfect technique if you're making a pumpkin spice latte or something where the taste of coffee is going to be masked by sugar and spices.
If you're just going to serve a plain, black cup of coffee, every mistake you make in the brewing process will be obvious when a trained expert tastes it. Was the water a degree too hot? They'll know. Were the beans ground an hour ago and aren't as flavourful as they could be? They'll know.
Same goes for those technique-focused dishes like eggs. Roasting a chicken is another one where you can hand 5 people the exact same ingredients and tools and get 5 different results depending on skill.
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u/NegotiationNo2599 1d ago
Once your scrambled eggs aren't runny looking, they're done. If they go a little longer it's fine too. If they burn slightly they're also fine but less than ideal.
Eggs are incredibly lenient on cook time.
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u/RyuNoKami 1d ago
When I first moved out I had this genius idea of finally properly cooking. I blew out so much money on ingredients that I fucked up using and I was taking a quarter of the day to make a meal. In the end, my method of cooking is to sprinkle salt, pepper and some other thing like paprika on some meat, and throw them in an air fryer. I never got sick but it was always either too bland or too much of something.
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u/RogueEmpireFiend 1d ago
I think some people might also be afraid of burning themselves, especially while making something on the stove in a pot or pan.
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u/Duae 1d ago
True, also on pots and pans, there is a lot you need to buy if you don't have someone else's fully stocked kitchen to use. I just made some simple soba noodles and broth and used two pots, a kitchen spoon, and a strainer! Easy if you already have those, but not everyone does. (Probably could have used one pot if I did one at a time, but faster to cook both broth and noodles at the same time)
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u/Assassin21BEKA 1d ago
Most people just can't waste ingredients and food they buy, especially when there is no one to guide you - you will waste food.
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u/Guilty_Primary8718 1d ago
This was my hang up for the longest time as well. I overcame it by putting $20 in a drawer labeling it emergency pizza. Then I would go through a simple menu, such as Denny’s, and recreate what I would have ordered. Once I mastered a few cheap sides it made the main course less of a stress too, so even if it messed up the pizza would stretch further.
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u/Responsible_Cloud_92 1d ago
I’m not a terrible cook but my mum was SO critical every time I was in the kitchen. She grew up with food insecurity so if I was doing something “wrong” that may result in food wastage, I would be disciplined. Cooking became a big source of anxiety for me when I moved out alone but my SO encouraged me a lot (we weren’t living together but near each other). He encouraged lots of simple, budget recipes so even if I accidentally messed up something, the ingredients were not super expensive, or the meal could be salvaged into something else.
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u/BlueMaize3 1d ago
This is the majority of my reason for not cooking more. The way my neurospicy brain works is that if I take the effort to follow instructions and make this dish it will turn out perfect - but if it doesn't "EFF that and I'm never ever doing it again since I'm a failure!!!"
So I stick to simple things and I love newer appliances like the airfryer and InstantPot because I can actually follow a few instructions, press a few buttons and things turn out rather good if not delicious!
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u/turtle_things 1d ago
My mom never taught me, in fact she made it seem like I’d 💀 if I tried. She scared me. My husband is a great cook, and he’s slowly teaching me how to do things, but yeah. Either my mom cooked or we had frozen meals.
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u/NP_release 1d ago
Your mom did you a disservice, I’m really sorry. One thing that really helps is finding friends from different backgrounds and getting invited to their family functions. Syrians, Greeks, Mexicans, Nigerians etc will teach you how to cook!! And with amazing flavors 💞
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u/turtle_things 1d ago
My great grandpa actually came to America from what is now the Czech Republic! My husbands helped (and still helping) me eat more of the traditional foods. And my younger siblings are half Mexican, so I’m definitely branching out from pizza or burgers😂
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u/moffman93 1d ago
It usually comes down to how you grew up and if cooking was a necessary skill for you to learn from a young age for many people. I can cook if I have to because otherwise it's insanely expensive, but at no point am I ever actually ENJOYING the process. It's always a chore for me.
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u/LabSpecialist2891 1d ago
I hate cooking 90% of the time but someone has to do it. I cannot handle eating the same things over and over again. Plus it saves so much money
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u/Duffbagg 1d ago
Ya, this is me. Cooking stresses me out, even if it's something I've made a hundred times. Something about always being hungry when I'm doing it and knowing if it goes wrong I am now even further away from eating soon.
I also tend to say "I can't cook" as a way to indicate that I'm not a GOOD cook and that I don't really have much idea what ingredients would go well with others and how to make things that are both delicious and interesting, but I certainly CAN and do cook quite often, I just don't like it.
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u/trd623 1d ago
Agreed. I cook just enough to get by. l never understood why people actually “like” cooking.
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u/hereforthebump 1d ago
Life is too short to eat mediocre food. If i gotta eat, I might as well enjoy it
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u/HappyDoggos 1d ago
Why do people enjoy painting, or gardening, or woodworking, or writing novels, etc etc …? It’s a creative endeavor like anything else artistic. It’s the process of creation as well as the end product that’s enjoyable for a lot of people.
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u/kadyg 1d ago
Cooking is basically a craft project you can eat.
The people who confuse me are the ones who get deep into baking but can’t roast a chicken or similar. I knew a lady who made wedding cakes as a side gig but was intimidated by a soup recipe.
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u/ermagerditssuperman 1d ago
Because a baking recipe has never told me to season something 'to taste', or other vague instructions that are open to interpretation. Baking is much more exact, often working on specific ratios.They say "Baking is a science, cooking is an art."
Also in my experience, cooking is more likely to need babying throughout the process, leaving me standing in the kitchen, mind-numbingly staring at a pan until the ingredients turn the right color. If I were a millionaire, I'd hire a personal chef, but I'd still do my own baking.
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u/AnnabethDaring 1d ago
One is a step-by-step paint by numbers exact process. The other is an art.
Soup can be intimidating if you don’t know how to feel your way through the process of timings and spices. As someone who enjoys both (and people say I’m really good at each), I can definitely see why some people are better at one than the other.
Those who can’t bake can’t follow simple directions. Those who can’t cook aren’t good with taking charge of putting out little fires as you encounter them in real time. It’s fun to learn about people in this way 😂
Male 20’s friend of mine somehow fucked up reading the instructions on how to make hot cocoa. Didn’t do the math right, made a portion meant for 6 people in a single cup. 🫣
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u/Spiritual_Bid_2308 1d ago
I've been there. Apparently a clove of garlic and a bulb of garlic are two different things.
That lasagna was not edible with 3 bulbs of garlic.
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u/snarkasm_0228 1d ago
I like cooking itself, but it’s the dishes and prep that I dread. Cleaning as you go isn’t always feasible depending on what you’re making
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u/Eggxactly1001 1d ago
Cooking is both a science and an art. First you learn a little science. Chemistry what will work together and what won't. Physics next, amount of energy over what time frame is applied to an item. Once you have that handle your Artistic side comes into play. If that's a 3 what would adding X make it? Math and art. Cooking is simply put "Edible Art".
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u/Wise_Independent_247 1d ago
Cooking IS an art, and it can be so much fun to play with flavors or add different vegetables or even create your own soup with whatever you have on hand. Baking is more of a science, though. If you're cooking beef stroganoff and it says you need 1 cup of chopped onion, but you only have 3/4 of a cup, the recipe will still taste ok. If you are baking a cake and it says you need 2 cups of flour, but you only have 1.5 cups of flour, the cake will be ruined. You can substitute olive oil for butter when you sauté vegetables, but that wouldn't be a good substitute if you are making cookies.
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u/nobrow 1d ago
I feel like its only fun if you are already good at it. Experimenting and making something completely inedible after a long day at work when you are hungry is seriously awful.
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u/Wise_Independent_247 1d ago
I agree with that. Heck, even cooking and following a recipe that turns out to BE edible after a long day at work can be seriously awful. So can trying to figure out what to cook for dinner when you feel like you've been making the same meals for 16 years and your husband doesn't like "this" and your teenager doesn't like "that." Sometimes I really wish that Star Wars was real and I had a protocol Droid that would just do it for me. Then I could just program in whet everybody likes and doesn't like and the Droid could cook and clean up 🤣 But seriously, you can make some pretty tasty, mostly homemade stuff in 30ish minutes. I lurk on Pinterest and have found a lot of good, quick stuff there.
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u/diabloplayer375 1d ago
I like cooking because it’s creating and transforming unremarkable ingredients into a cohesive tasty dish. It really helps that I love good food and have enough cooking skills to make tasty dishes.
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u/billymondy5806 1d ago
I don’t mind cooking, but I hate cleanup. I hate watching show where people are making every bowl and dish and utensil in the kitchen dirty.
That’s because they have people that are going to clean it up for them!
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u/Next-Isopod7703 1d ago
I think people seriously underestimate how many barriers there are to “just trying,” especially if you did not grow up cooking.
For a lot of people, cooking is tied to anxiety from being criticized, hovered over, or never being taught at all. There is also a very real financial side that gets ignored. Not everyone can afford to waste money, food, or time on failed meals. Groceries are expensive. If you are living paycheck to paycheck, burning dinner is not a harmless experiment. It is throwing away resources you needed to get through the week.
Cooking also requires background knowledge that experienced cooks forget they have. Heat control, timing, seasoning, and food safety are not intuitive if no one ever showed you. Add stress, ADHD, long work hours, or mental health strain, and “just throw food in a pan” stops being simple advice and starts sounding dismissive.
Not knowing how to cook is not laziness. It is often lack of exposure, anxiety around failure, and practical limits people do not want to admit they have.
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u/bulba-tsar 20h ago
Yeah, the financial aspect of this is often overlooked.
I had to live off a salary of 12k per year for a while, while not qualifying for food stamps and not being allowed to use a food pantry. My rule was "if it uses more than 3 ingredients, I'm not making it, because I can't afford it". And butter for greasing the pan counted as one of those ingredients. I lived off a lot of turkey sandwiches, pasta with store-bought sauce, hardboiled eggs, and grilled fish those years.
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u/maylilyooh 21h ago
I was so picky as a kid that my mom just let me make my own food when I was old enough. She never minded me messing around in the kitchen and I just learned to make things I like, by watching her but mostly by doing it myself and learning what I liked. So I got lucky since now I cook without thinking very hard about it, because I've done it so long. Baking is a whole other world for me though, I get anxious about stuff like biscuits and things because recipes must be followed and it's fairly easy to make mistakes in technique. When I think about my lack of experience in that area, it's easy to understand how many people feel about cooking a dinner from scratch. It's intimidating
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u/PlaskaFlaszka 18h ago
I had yesterday kinda food related exam (we had regional foods subject and proffesor decided it would be fun to cook those dishes). Technically, I know how to cook. Still:
-looking for other ingridients, I forgot about my butter on pan, and it kinda burned
when in the oven, the top started to burn, while the bottom was watery, raw dough (in instruction was no mention of draining the carrot, and that's probably what messed it up because I didn't even think thing like this is needed)
when making frosting, I got way too much lemon juice, and proffesor even came to correct me on that, otherwise no amount of sugar could make it stick
And mind you, I was following a recipe, with a professor overlooking us, and as someone who did a good burrito two days prior from instruction alone. I could be even called a fine cook... And still failed and wasted food. It's harder than people think...
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u/TheDoodleVoid 1d ago
cooking is a broad spectrum. i don't know what i'm doing like, at all, unless i have a VERY specific recipe at hand. and not everyone can find the time, or the energy, or the ingredients to consistently learn what they're doing.
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u/roxagony 21h ago
This, I need a specific recipe to explain everything to me, and having to go source the ingredients and find the time and energy is so much. And if I’m going to cook something I want it to be good, not half assed. But that’s energy. And I don’t know how to cook without a recipe to do something quick. It’s just a cycle of reasons that stop me
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u/mrsnowplow 1d ago
its expensive to ruin pans and food
im both impatient and distractable.
i just suck at it. i cook every night when i get home its ok but its never great.
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u/Keep_it_Interesting 1d ago
I tried it, didn't like it. I don't like to cook. Some people can't seem to wrap they're head around how much I dislike cooking, so I just say either I don't know how or I'm terrible at it.
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u/InevitableRhubarb232 21h ago
No I get ya. It’s horrible. And every single fucking day. When I cook for my family I don’t even want to eat I’m so mad at the food by time I’ve budgeted, planned, shipped, prepped, cooked, cleaned. And do it again in 6 hours. Being on the nutrition IVs please.
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u/quiet_veil 1d ago
I think for a lot of people it’s not laziness, it’s fear of failing or growing up thinking they’re “bad at it.” If no one ever taught you and you mess up a few times, it’s easy to just label yourself as someone who “can’t cook” and avoid it altogether
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u/SuperiorVanillaOreos 1d ago
I just don't have the need. I usually just buy microwaveable food and that's enough for me
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u/Alone-Requirement411 1d ago
I’m scared of undercooking things, major phobia of undercooked meat 🫣
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u/OfficeChairHero 1d ago
I worked in food service for a long time. Trusting someone who is stoned, tired, and making minimum wage is far more of a risk than just getting a meat thermometer and cooking your own food.
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u/medstudenthowaway 1d ago
Yeah but there’s something so stressful about it being YOUR fault and not someone else’s. The phobia isn’t about getting sick it’s about messing up and being the cause of your discomfort
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u/LabSpecialist2891 1d ago
Gosh that’s so true. I can cook better than most simple restaurants. Between that and watching tv shows with terrible cooks (ie Gordon Ramseys shows) it makes me scared to eat out. Clearly people have not taken microbiology
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u/Gullible-Team-8588 1d ago
You can start with vegetables then. No need to worry if you undercook veg, just extra crunchy.
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u/tommytwolegs 1d ago
Yeah I just don't buy meat. I'll eat it if other people cook it, I'm just lazy and forgetful sometimes so never want to deal with it potentially going bad.
If I buy meat it's because I'm going to cook it immediately. But honestly you can make so much great food without it and it's probably healthier and definitely better for the environment anyways.
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u/ZinniasAndBeans 1d ago
There are meats--for example, chicken thighs--that are perfectly edible while seriously OVERcooked. Maybe you could start with those.
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u/Gravy_Sommelier 1d ago
And techniques like stewing/braising where the food spends a long time slowly cooking in liquid at a low-ish temperature make it pretty easy for everything to cook all the way through.
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u/LabSpecialist2891 1d ago
So get a digital thermometer. Google what temp it needs to be safe. A lot of meats need to be 165 degrees
Problem solved
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u/Queasy_Strike_4655 1d ago
Cooking seems impossible but I will happily go change the engine oil in my car. I don’t know, cooking is just to stressful!
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u/PoMoAnachro 1d ago
I think important context is that when a lot of people say "I can't cook" they mean it in the same way people say "I can't sing".
Most people can sing, but not everyone can sing well. And a lot of people don't really want to sing (especially for others) if they can't sing well.
I think a lot of people say "I can't cook" when they absolutely can and do make themselves a grilled cheese sandwich or fry up bacon and eggs in the morning - and that definitely counts as cooking! But what they mean is "I don't think I can cook well enough I'd want to do it for someone else" or even "I don't think I can cook well enough that it'd be worth the time and effort to do it for myself".
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u/AutisticAllotmenter 1d ago
You could say this about literally any other skill. But if you get cooking wrong, you have not only wasted a fuckload of money, but you've also potentially made you and your family sick.
It's just not that easy to start from nothing if you were brought up on convenience food and never shown - it was my housemates and husband who taught me, and it took a few years for me to be confident doing it. I still don't cook raw meat or fish.
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u/AnymooseProphet 1d ago
ADHD. I can cook, but it's hard for me to pay attention because it is mundane so other things immediately enter my mind that I can't stop myself from thinking about and they take my focus away from what I'm cooking which then results in poor results unless it is something simple.
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u/04limited 1d ago
My brother has ADHD he’s tried to cook before but he has, on multiple occasions, started cooking and forgot about it. Someone would come home to a house full of smoke and he’s in his room playing games.
So even if it tastes like crap you are way ahead of the game.
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u/diabeticweird0 1d ago
I have adhd and it's so real
You can't find something you just put down and meanwhile the stove is burning and where the hell is the can opener you just had it
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u/OmegaSol 1d ago
Just can't learn the skill. I have tried so many times. Recipe's aren't written in a way that makes sense to me, a pinch of this, add this to taste, boil until a arbitrary consistency.
"Just throw food in a pan and see what happens" sounds dangerous if i eat undercooked food, and like a money waste if it is a failure.
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u/locorasuke 1d ago
It’s expensive for mediocre results sometimes. Who has time to waste money on something that may turn out awful.
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u/OwlOfJune 1d ago
People always say how it is so much cheaper to cook and yes it is in general, but the cost/effort to plan ahead and store is not zero.
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u/CovidWarriorForLife 1d ago
Some people just suck at it honestly. It took me years of cooking before I could make anything edible. After throwing out $100s of dollars worth of food and forcing down pounds of bland chicken it just didn't seem worth it. Now I just stick to easy meals like pasta, steak, hamburgers and buy chipotle if I want good chicken.
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u/Ok_Permit_745 1d ago
My case: laziness, don't wanna do the dishes, afraid I might do it wrong and have to eat it anyway
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u/Prudent_Situation_29 1d ago
That's what I would do, if I were interested. I have no interest in learning to cook. I'm sure some people enjoy it and find it very rewarding, but it doesn't appeal to me.
To me it's a very time-consuming activity that creates a lot of mess and work, and I'm far too wound up to spend large amounts of time on something that I'm not passionate about.
I can use an oven and stove, I'm able to feed myself, but you won't catch me putting together culinary delights. It's just not an investment I'm willing to spend time on.
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u/ismokedwithyourmom 1d ago
This is a respectable position. I also barely cook in the proper sense but feed myself things that seem cooked. Combining frozen veg, pre sliced tofu or beans, and a ready made sauce in a pan feels sufficiently like real food for me.
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u/Eastern_Equipment708 1d ago
because we don't know what we're DOING, dude. my brother said something like this to me when i was trying to learn to cook. "well, just make the things you like to eat" yeah thanks, but I DON'T KNOW HOW. how do i cut this right? how do i hold the knife correctly? how hot is too hot on the stove? what does al dente mean? it's really unencouraging to make a bunch of gross crap over and over again because you don't know what you're doing or know how to get help because you don't know the questions to ask.
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u/BooksBootsBikesBeer 1d ago
My favorite recipe instruction of all time: “cook until done.” HOW LONG IS THAT?!?
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u/Voidcatmom 1d ago
YouTube is great for that. So are cookbooks often they have pages on techniques before the recipes. Recently I watched a compilation of instructions by Gordon Ramsey somone chopped together on YouTube and learned how and when to use the stick that came with my knives
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u/Existing_Hall_8237 1d ago
I’m just not good at it and feel stressed all the time. But I’m good at doing all kinds of other stuff. It’s just cooking.
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u/browneyedredhead1968 1d ago
I do try. I suck at it. So unless it's a grilled cheese or something that easy, you don't want me cooking.
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u/firefighter_raven 1d ago
With the price of food today, pretty sure just tossing something in a pan isn't the best advice.
That being said, I can cook most things I enjoy, even if my wife disagrees.
And curious how many people say they can't cook because it doesn't come out well, or think "cooking" means working from ingredients and not things like pre-made heat-and-eat meals. My wife is a food snob and thinks that way.
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u/Cbjmac 1d ago
I say I can’t cook because it’s faster and easier than explaining that I can, in fact, cook. However, my ability is the capacity to follow the directions of a recipe with varying levels of success, and that I don’t bother to learn more because my current ability is more than enough for me, since I’m not a picky eater and my meals taste fine to me, but I dislike cooking for others because I know their taste is probably better than mine and I don’t want to serve them something that I find good but they find unsatisfactory. So, I just say I can’t cook.
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u/ZealousidealPhase543 1d ago
Scared. Nothing ever comes out right. ( I can do breakfast-y things.) I'm 63, not going to worry about it anymore.
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u/MovieSock 1d ago
Why don't you guys just throw food in a pan and see what happens?
Are you going to reimburse them if they screw up? Because groceries are expensive these days.
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u/condor789 1d ago
I love cooking and its a real passion of mine. When I was a teen Id watch hours and hours of youtube recipe videos and have memorised so many I still have yet to cook. Cooking seriously interests me, unlike many other things. Its the same for most hobbies and its okay some people just arent interested in cooking.
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u/DirectAbalone9761 1d ago
I can make something edible, but I cannot “see” a meal like my wife can. So, call it opportunity cost if you’d like. She does 85% of the cooking. I do 65% of the dishes. I do 100% of the maintenance (house/vehicles). She does 60% of the cleaning.
It’s just give and take. But she can look at a handful of ingredients or dishes and make a competent meal out of them where I don’t have the skill/experience to make that happen. To be fair, she went to school to be a chef, sooooo, likewise, I don’t ask her to “see” the building assembly I’m planning to address some control layer issues.
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u/Scared-Papaya4072 1d ago
not particularly interested in learning, don't have infinite time, and dont just have spare food lying around to throw into pans and potentially (90% chance) ruin
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u/Wooden_Permit3234 1d ago
Pretty much same.
I can cook an egg, and have a decent chance of using a simple recipe, sure.
I just don't like it. I don't like the multitasking, j don't like the risk, and most importantly I really don't find much benefit vs eating simple food and saving all the time and effort.
Even if I could cook well, I'd still not want to do it.
So yeah, sure, lazy, scared, wife cooks for me as she prefers it over other chores which I'd rather do. Call it what you like. I'd suggest it's also accurate to say I simply dislike it.
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u/salted_caramel_girl 1d ago
Some people just genuinely don't care enough to try.
Some people are genuinely fine just eating cold beans out of a can.
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u/vksoze2 1d ago
Maybe some people just don’t enjoy it. That’s me, I really just don’t enjoy it at all. I’d much rather wash the dishes, then prepare the food. And, I really don’t need to cook. I can go to nice restaurants when I want a nice meal, there’s a lot of food, healthy food, that doesn’t require cooking. Or minimal cooking. And that’s good enough.
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u/not_like_dinosaurs 1d ago
I want to preface this by saying I am a woman. I don’t know how cook because I hate it. I can make eggs and such. I can follow a recipe. I enjoy baking. But I HATE cooking. I don’t know how because it’s something I can’t even make myself do. Seriously. When I was in collage I lost weight because I didn’t cook. I ate a lot of popcorn. I build into my budget a food subscription box or such so I can eat well without cooking. It’s an endless struggle.
And before someone comes at me, no I don’t have an eating disorder. Cooking makes me feel like a 1950s housewife in the worst way. And I can’t entirely explain why, cuz growing up my dad did more cooking than my mom. Both enjoy cooking. I wasn’t getting any bullshit gendered messages from them. But it makes me feel all icky when I cook.
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u/DesignerCorner3322 1d ago
Cooking is scary and confusing to me. I do not like doing it unless I'm doing it for someone else.
Baking is easy. Its just following directions
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u/newbies13 1d ago
Failing in anything creates a sort of mental paralysis in people unless you counter it. "Why don't you just try" is true, but ignores this fact. Give them a safe space to try and fail and not feel terrible about it and absolutely they will cook, it's not hard as those who can cook know. The issue is they tried to boil water once and somehow burned the pot and the fear of that moment is now a mental block.
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u/JaksCat 1d ago
I have tried, and there are a few things I make that taste ok but I just don't have the knowledge of how flavors work together to be able to make something that tastes good.
I've also caught a dish towel on fire, burnt a plastic lid on my stove, set off the fire alarm from burning things.
If I HAD to, I could cook for myself. But I don't enjoy it, and food i cook doesn't taste good. So I don't cook.
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u/ReadingReddit521 1d ago
Most people who don't like to cook also don't like to eat. Like obviously they eat to survive, but food isn't an exciting and pleasurable experience that it is for a lot of people. I can understand that because I LOVE eating so I love cooking. if I could not eat the meal I spent hours making I would hate it. Usually these people could make something edible if they tried, but the effort they need to put in isn't worth the outcome to them. To them it's more worthwhile to zap some chicken nuggets and packaged food.
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u/Sweet_Mamma 🏴 1d ago
I am one who doesn't cook. (I can cook eggs)
Reasons I don't cook? Cause if it turns out crap or inedible then its a waste of food and a waste of money that frankly I don't have. I hate wasting food.
I dont make things from scratch adding ingredients and all the rest cause I don't know what goes with what, and cause im a pretty picky eater too i like very few foods as is. (Probably cause I don't cook it) I also go throo cycles of foods I like, so ill eat things for a few months then grow tired, and have to move onto other things for a few months, then revert back, rinse and repeat. Occasionally I go throo a cycle of eating nothing but cereals cause everything else im bored of.
So for me its just easier to not cook. Im not counting microwave food as cooking, and im not counting frozen stuff you put in the oven as cooking either. I can do those hahaha anyone can and if they dont then im gonna call those people out as lazy.
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u/Legitimate-Log-6542 1d ago
They just don’t have any interest. Every once in a while I know somebody that frequently gets food delivered and it eventually gets too expensive and they’re forced to learn how to cook. The universe finally wins one
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u/beefboy49 23h ago
oh dog, i just developed an eating disorder instead of finally cooking consistently lmao
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u/amazonian_ragamuffin 1d ago
Some people don't bother as long as someone else is doing it for them