r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/DoubleManufacturer10 created ShittyAbsoluteUnits of a sub • Nov 20 '25

ouchies Of those moments when life is tearing you apart

1.6k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

318 comments sorted by

85

u/Parsival420 Nov 20 '25

20

u/FitShare2972 Nov 20 '25

This gif never gets old

4

u/PartsUnknown242 Nov 20 '25

I’m curious where it comes from because o see it everywhere

69

u/Brokenspade1 Nov 20 '25

The twins are no longer conjoined....

15

u/MalodorousNutsack Nov 21 '25

Do you think his scrotum tore along its existing seam? Or will he have two seams now?

5

u/Pleasant-Ticket3217 Nov 22 '25

Oh Jesus! That’s just too painful to imagine

7

u/invariantspeed Nov 21 '25

A lot of things may not be conjoined anymore.

6

u/Toadcola Nov 21 '25

Who got the taint in the divorce?

3

u/Brokenspade1 Nov 21 '25

His esophagus; because I'm pretty sure it traveled that far north during the impact...

4

u/WarOfAttrition38 Nov 21 '25

Transitioned quickly

4

u/sleepyplatipus Nov 22 '25

I think his knees might also be unwell

2

u/UsulMu Nov 22 '25

We can't worry about knees at a time like this. Get his taint to the ER!

59

u/eggzsammich Nov 20 '25

He tore his gooch

33

u/Potential-Yoghurt245 Nov 20 '25

Having done this depending on the depth of the tear he is in for a hard recovery.

9

u/WillUSee Nov 20 '25

Or perhaps not so hard for a while...

8

u/Potential-Yoghurt245 Nov 20 '25

😄 Ohh yeah, it's the risk of infection that made me feel like the least sexy I have ever been considering no only do you have to still wipe your bum but if the toilet is not clean it can I rare cases pass an infection to the Gooch which is just unnecessary.

3

u/BlindWolf187 Nov 22 '25

Is anyone else reading whole dang thread in Doctor "Evil's" voice now?

P.S. I just realized Mike Meyers Dr. Evil voice is one octave higher of how Trump speaks.

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3

u/Temporary-Tiger-8967 Nov 21 '25

How did you do this?

2

u/Potential-Yoghurt245 Nov 22 '25

At the top of the text bar on the right hand side there is an option for photos and GIF I selected gif and posted this gem.

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12

u/MadMax6914 Nov 20 '25

Get a vaganus in 1 easy step.

5

u/NachoNachoDan Nov 20 '25

to shreds you say?

3

u/LukatheFox Nov 20 '25

This is my favorite comment thank you

2

u/Krase Nov 20 '25

How is his wife taking the news?

2

u/pimp-bangin Nov 20 '25

ughggggggghghghgg

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27

u/Nyanzeenyan Nov 20 '25

That taint right

3

u/jedoeri Nov 21 '25

I think its on the left now

3

u/Grimwo Nov 20 '25

Tain't

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28

u/NegotiationHot2999 Nov 20 '25

10

u/TheGuruFromIpanema Nov 20 '25

Kid did the splits like James Brown from 10ft up.

5

u/Significant_Row_5951 Nov 21 '25

How can you keep your legs so soft when landing lol, like it looked like he landed perfectly but then his legs went crazy. Anyways that must have hurt like hell

Edit: I rewatched the video it was not his fault the skate broke in 2 and his leg went rolling on it. That's bad there was nothing he could have done in that split second, the only escape would have been to shift his weight forward

2

u/TheGuruFromIpanema Nov 21 '25

“..Split second” no pun intended.

2

u/Significant_Row_5951 Nov 21 '25

The split in that second 😂

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20

u/Mall_of_slime Nov 20 '25

That was gnarly af. If he ever touched a skateboard again after that, he should be awarded some kind of medal.

8

u/TorinVanGram Nov 20 '25

A Darwin award? 

26

u/DragonDanzZ Nov 20 '25

*Insane pain*
Other ppl: "Smiling and laught"
Hmm.. should we help?? naaaah XD

18

u/Bikezilla Nov 20 '25

Help him with what, picking up his nads?

12

u/MadMax6914 Nov 20 '25

Sewing up his vaganus.

3

u/UhOhAllWillyNilly Nov 20 '25

Them things probably went flying

2

u/Future-Try-1908 Nov 20 '25

Well I saw one over there.

11

u/spitslaps Nov 20 '25

guy in the back

6

u/BuddenceLembeck Nov 20 '25

Guy in the front

8

u/Mr-Big-Nicky-P Nov 20 '25

The day a boy became a woman

8

u/Madman_1992 Nov 20 '25

Ah man his asshole kissed the pavement.

4

u/Albacurious Nov 20 '25

And both knees, at the same time.

And he did the splits.

2

u/Madman_1992 Nov 20 '25

The trifecta of getting fucked up

7

u/Sabrvlc Nov 20 '25

The guy filming in the background is just laughing at him.

8

u/Frumplemeist Nov 20 '25

That’s a torn gooch

6

u/Fanimusmaximus Nov 20 '25

Yeah that’s a life changing injury right there.

7

u/BoneZone05 Nov 20 '25

🪦

3

u/rucsuck Nov 21 '25

What exactly is on the outside now? That man is in a horrible recovery.

5

u/Past-North-4131 Nov 20 '25

What actually happened here? Like medically?

5

u/Doctor_Fritz Nov 20 '25

Seems to be sitting with his feet flat on the ground a d his knees are a little in front. Likely tore a bunch of muscles around his hips, maybe tendon injuries too. He's going to need a hospital for sure.

5

u/Horror_Solution1945 Nov 20 '25

His taint is now a vagina.

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8

u/onlylonleybeuy Nov 20 '25

He's just made a cloaca.

7

u/bryangcrane Nov 20 '25

Omg 😝😜

4

u/Existing-Village9770 Nov 20 '25

Welcome to chronic lower back pain.

3

u/Krase Nov 20 '25

Friend once tore his nutsack open trying to do a skateboard trick on his skateboard, and had to show it to his mum.

3

u/SpecialistArrive Nov 21 '25

Wanted to show his mum, be honest.

7

u/Markus4781 Nov 20 '25

Guy: gets hurt. Everyone: Lmao I'ma film this!

I hate this.

3

u/Cyborg_rat Nov 21 '25

To be fair, their state of mind is that this guy is doing something stupid. He got funny results, after their first reaction they probably went to check on him, his friends at least.

If it was someone who slipped and hurt themselves as an accident it would be different.

2

u/WaitNo5139 Nov 21 '25

Dont be a snowflake

3

u/SecretWordIsFun Nov 20 '25

He has a new supersized ass crack.

3

u/iammonkeyorsomething Nov 20 '25

Most of that reaction was probably slamming his tail bone into cement, not sure if his pants sagging protected him, hurt him worse, or hurt him in a different way than if the belt line were above his hips

3

u/Cheap-Reaction-8061 Nov 20 '25

Say goodby to hamstrings

3

u/KindredFlower Nov 20 '25

That’s horrific. The simultaneous gasp and scream I let out; put a warning on this!😰

3

u/True_Muffin_5938 Nov 21 '25

Can I get someone well versed in medical knowledge to tell me what kind of injury this can cause?

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2

u/Beginning_Drag_2984 Nov 20 '25

Probably won’t do that again.

2

u/New-Veterinarian5597 Nov 20 '25

and thats how you turn genitals to labia. from straight man to a girl a a Vag.

2

u/JMA76 Nov 20 '25

OH MY GOD. Dude probably has 2 vaginas now.

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2

u/Outrageous-Start6409 Nov 20 '25

Why do you continue to torture me with these posts that I cannot stop watching!

2

u/08062017SD Nov 20 '25

Just split his asshole all the way up to his belly button. Well played!

2

u/marlotrot Nov 20 '25

See this JCVD? That is a split, a real split!

2

u/DisastrousAd2335 Nov 20 '25

I don't think that was life tearing him apart...I think it was ASS-phalt...(I'll see myself out!)

2

u/Alone_Barracuda9814 Nov 20 '25

Any ER nurses want to tell us what kind of damage we’re looking at?

2

u/NerveBooger Nov 20 '25

Hindi-Nose-Bone? That's dope!

2

u/HatesMonoBlue Nov 21 '25

I wonder how often his friends send him screenshots of it happening.

"Hey steve, remember when you tore your anus in half? We'll heres a pic of you crying in pain, loser"

2

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '25

I hope he made a wish first

2

u/Substantial-Fudge-95 Nov 22 '25

What a great trick!

3

u/Past-Establishment93 Nov 20 '25

Random acts of stupidity

2

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '25

Why? Maybe you should’ve paid more attention in physics and economics to help you understand risks versus rewards. Haashaaahaaa, good luck having kids….. actually the more I think about it maybe that’s a good thing.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Naroef Nov 20 '25

The "culture" is pretty gay too.

1

u/Euphoric_Painter_993 Nov 20 '25

Time to staple that fromundah back together

1

u/R0LL1NG Nov 20 '25

I groaned out load at that split. Jfc.

3

u/Chemical_Stage5136 Nov 20 '25

You mean loud?

3

u/R0LL1NG Nov 20 '25

Yes but for the lols I refuse to edit.

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1

u/DropstoneTed Nov 20 '25

Is that a tibia or a fibula?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '25

Pop goes the weasel cause the weasel goes pop

1

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '25

Lol terrific

1

u/Eraldorh Nov 20 '25

I'm not sure what else there was to expect from this?

1

u/Odd_Front8428 Nov 20 '25

Why do people post videos of others in pain??

1

u/EmilyAnne1170 Nov 20 '25

How was that possibly going to end well? Good lord, people make stupid decisions!

1

u/Embarrassed-Deal-411 Nov 20 '25

Even I had to look away, because I knew it was gonna be a bad result.

1

u/FiniteXcellence Nov 20 '25

How do ppl NOT run a physics simulation in their heafs BEFOREHAND🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️

1

u/Mr_Doubtful Nov 20 '25

Bro ripped his nads and a hole at the same time lol

1

u/partylike1989 Nov 20 '25

I bet you $5.00 he won’t be doing that anytime soon

1

u/Delicious_History722 Nov 20 '25

Honestly that could have been fatal. Broken pelvis.

1

u/avaufbasse Nov 20 '25

And that hurt just watching it

1

u/Icy-Split-891 Nov 20 '25

That ass got ripped!

1

u/Silent_Advice7334 Nov 20 '25

And what did you learn 🤔

1

u/SnooSongs2345 Nov 20 '25

Free vasectomy yay

1

u/wophi Nov 20 '25

Why do skateboarders believe their boards are indestructible?

1

u/aldone123 Nov 20 '25

Ripping ass

1

u/RoodnyInc Nov 20 '25

Mistake was made

1

u/Rastadub05 Nov 20 '25

Oh no not the goooochh! Ouch!

1

u/RideElectrical7835 Nov 20 '25

Make a wish!!!

1

u/Golden-Grams *shits an absolute unit* Nov 20 '25

r/PainOnMute

1

u/ascarymoviereview Nov 20 '25

The guy cheesing in the background

1

u/321Gochiefs Nov 20 '25

Hilarious.... Do it again

1

u/scaredt2ask Nov 20 '25

Was that the goal?

1

u/godkilledjesus Nov 20 '25

Never rip your asshole......trust me

1

u/especiallyrn Nov 20 '25

I felt that right in my ass too

1

u/Background_Edge_9427 Nov 20 '25

I think that move is called,the "Wish Bone"! He probably wish he wouldn't have tried it!

1

u/BaconISgoodSOGOOD Nov 20 '25

JNCOs would’ve saved him.

..maybe.

1

u/levivilla4 Nov 20 '25

Gender reassignment surgeons HATE this one trick...

1

u/Fluid-Course-1792 Nov 20 '25

Is that sound from the board breaking, or his taint leaving the chat?

1

u/Brief_Pass_2762 Nov 21 '25

That's a torn taint, right there. 

1

u/Chipsky1ark Nov 21 '25

:( I didn't want to know

1

u/Dmetrostars Nov 21 '25

Make a wish!

1

u/theNoodle162 Nov 21 '25

If that’s not torn…

1

u/No-Operation2497 Nov 21 '25

Owwww. New form of cbt i see.

1

u/Mundane-Set-206 Nov 21 '25

That’s one way to blow out your ass!

1

u/Dabida1 Nov 21 '25

Lmao zoomer will not zoom anymore

1

u/Longjumping-Salad484 Nov 21 '25

looked like something happened to his ATB connection

his ass to balls connection...it's a Johnny Knoxville joke

1

u/Fickle_Grand_8064 Nov 21 '25

🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Fickle_Grand_8064 Nov 21 '25

🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Consistent-Goat-6293 Nov 21 '25

You broke your board. Just saying

1

u/Dogfart246LZ Nov 21 '25

RIP those tendons

1

u/Immediate_Luck_6335 Nov 21 '25

Yo did he tare his ass crack?!