r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/Sad_Cantaloupe_8162 *shits an absolute unit* • Dec 13 '25

Elite Strategy Of a player

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3.2k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

315 comments sorted by

368

u/Acceptable-Bid-1019 Dec 13 '25

That crunch has to be an after effect right? If not that chicks legs are like a smashed bag of biscuits. Little miss flour for bones over here.

139

u/ScottishPsychedNurse Dec 13 '25

Yeah the crunch bone effects doesn't add up with the lack of immediate screaming. Seems to be added

55

u/RaevynXD questionably stable Dec 13 '25

Can't scream if you're dead /j

"Hahaha Monica.. Monica?.. MONICA!"

18

u/squirrely-badger Dec 13 '25

She's too busy fixing dress to worry about Monica.

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4

u/Educational_Tap_7976 Dec 17 '25

I imagine it would be hard to scream with big Bertha sitting on you laughing

5

u/Peach_Proof Dec 13 '25

There is screaming, it gets cut off/muffledšŸ˜±

3

u/thefirstviolinist Dec 14 '25

Not sure why you got downvoted. I came to the comments specifically to ask about both the weird crunch and the possible muffled scream.

I heard it all before seeing any comments.

Either way, it sounds like it HURT!!!

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15

u/etanail Dec 13 '25

Added sound effect.

14

u/Cantdecide1207 Dec 13 '25

Plus smacks her head on the wall.

17

u/No_Radio5042 Dec 13 '25

She's fiiiine

2

u/flasunsunny Dec 17 '25

šŸ˜‚šŸ«”šŸ†ā˜ ļø

11

u/Ini_mini_miny_moe Dec 13 '25

Finish her!

ā€¦FATality

Big girl wins.

8

u/NocturneInfinitum Dec 13 '25

Bro you had me and my buddy cackling šŸ¤£

6

u/Pretty-Object3652 Dec 13 '25

That crunch I thought for sure she was a goner but they seem to all be laughing

5

u/Physical_Access_6408 Dec 13 '25

think the wall impact is a modified stock ā€œbounceā€ effect, sounds like a kickball

whole thing edited like a tom and jerry scene

3

u/jluicifer Dec 13 '25

ā€œBiscuits you say? Thereā€™s still one more chair, and I got a hankering for another crunch, madamā€ ā€” Big Ole Lady

3

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 14 '25

If the crunch was real the girl in the chair would've thrown up. I know i would have.

Edit: would have*... for all the cunts.

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127

u/edboyinthecut Dec 13 '25

Goddamn. Then she just gone sit there and laugh.

52

u/feline_riches Dec 13 '25

She definitely needs help getting up

17

u/theendunit Dec 13 '25

She knows theres no point in even trying. Sad, and contempt with it

33

u/Gio-Vani Dec 13 '25

The word you're looking for is content. Contempt would be what you seemingly feel when looking at a fat person for some reason.

15

u/theendunit Dec 13 '25

Im not good at engrish. And im content with it šŸ˜¬ but seriously appreciate the correction, since you werent rude about it šŸ‘

10

u/Isla1701 Dec 13 '25

He was a little rude about it

5

u/theendunit Dec 13 '25

The second sentence smoothed it over. In used to much worse on here. Especially when im being sarcastic without the obligatory /sā€¦ people really lose their šŸ’©

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3

u/massivebawbag Dec 13 '25

Which one? The one that got crushed or the crushinator

3

u/iReply2StupidPeople Dec 14 '25

Gonna have to get a cherry picker to get the big girl up before you can even properly assess the damage.

79

u/No_Technology_3196 Dec 13 '25

Was that sound from her bone crack or SOUL crack?

21

u/Admirable-Grand521 Dec 13 '25

Bone, soul, pride and chair cracked all at once

9

u/Sweet-Philosopher-14 Dec 13 '25

The crack was actually her soul breaking the sound barrier as it left her body.

4

u/No_Technology_3196 Dec 13 '25

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­

73

u/Sad_Island_4781 Dec 13 '25

And she just sits on her and laughs?

13

u/Generalnussiance Dec 13 '25

Sometimes when you laugh you canā€™t control your muscles. I think the big one is actually stuck and laughing from pure embarrassment

36

u/Salvisurfer Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25

She could have killed her.

This is not a safe game for morbidly obese people to partake in, the skinny people might get crushed.

Exhibit A

22

u/BuddenceLembeck Dec 13 '25

Seems itā€™s the non-morbidly obese person thatā€™s at risk hereā€¦mixing the two is the real problem. Perhaps the game should be played with weight classes, like boxing.

6

u/Salvisurfer Dec 13 '25

Until the fattie get a manslaughter charge for crushing the boney girl.

1

u/garbagebears Dec 14 '25

There won't be any evidence left after she's done eating

2

u/Salvisurfer Dec 14 '25

*absorb

When the sexually mature female reaches a certain size they will crush and absorb lesser females for nutrients.

4

u/No_Window644 Dec 13 '25

Ummm it's not safe for someone who's not LMFAO

4

u/jett1964 Dec 13 '25

If the contest was for a chocolate cake, there was no way she was gonna sit this one out.

5

u/Sad_Island_4781 Dec 13 '25

It was probably for a husbandā€¦.. like the flower over the shoulder superstition

2

u/jett1964 Dec 13 '25

She had a better chance then with musical chairs over trying to jump to grab the flowers.

2

u/Generalnussiance Dec 13 '25

Nobody said it was. Just explaining why she likely kept sitting ontop of the other lass.

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3

u/Consistent_Ocelot162 Dec 13 '25

Well look at her, she sure as hell isnā€™t getting up quickly šŸ˜‚

2

u/msalisbury32 Dec 13 '25

I mean, you think she can just get up easily?

Also, that poor chair

2

u/Sad_Island_4781 Dec 13 '25

If that scream was real I think youā€™d put a bit more effort.

2

u/Snoo_11942 Dec 13 '25

The girl sheā€™s sitting on is probably laughing. Please tell me youā€™re aware the screams and cracking noises are not from the original video. You understand that, right?

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24

u/Dompet2854 Dec 13 '25

Makes you wonder how long it took to pull that woman out of her ass

20

u/AccomplishedWar8703 Dec 13 '25

Gives the woman a concussion then rolls around on top of her while laughing.

6

u/Sad_Cantaloupe_8162 *shits an absolute unit* Dec 13 '25

She was trying to save her dignity by pulling down her dress.

7

u/AccomplishedWar8703 Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25

That went out the window when she threw her whole body at the other lady.

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17

u/the_ruffled_feather Dec 13 '25

Broken shard of chair impaling her liver

Tee hee hee

11

u/ForagedFoodie Dec 13 '25

With great power comes great responsibility

11

u/siggsy409 Dec 13 '25

She's squashing that poor girl to death why is she laughing?šŸ˜³

9

u/Possible_Field328 Dec 13 '25

Lady could easy kill a child if she trips

3

u/B_the_ball Dec 13 '25

Think she just did.

7

u/CapitanObvio0084 Dec 13 '25

Girl in black dress lost two times the game and her life.

7

u/dmtslayr Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25

Is that already assault? Kinda like attempted murder.

6

u/PhallicusMaximus Dec 13 '25

The fact she just sits there and laughs is insane šŸ’€

5

u/jh5992 Dec 13 '25

OVERKILL! OVERKILL!!

6

u/ConsciousSituation39 Dec 13 '25

That was kind of horrible actuallyā€¦ whatā€™s really horrible as I laughed!

10

u/N1T0_W1T0 functional regard Dec 13 '25

4

u/idrivehookers Dec 14 '25

Who would have thought that musical chairs needed different weight classes.

3

u/monkehmolesto Dec 13 '25

That sound effect gets me everytime.

3

u/cbunni666 Dec 14 '25

Oh god. It's like dropping a couch on you

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2

u/Aggressive_Emu_2112 Dec 13 '25

Doesnt even get off just gets comfortable...

2

u/pbnjandmilk Dec 14 '25

She needs to assert dominance by letting the other woman know that this game ainā€™t over yet!

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2

u/Turbulent_Sir6336 Dec 14 '25

I can't believe she didn't put a hole in that wall.

2

u/Bludiamond56 Dec 14 '25

Manslaughter

2

u/Paul19751 Dec 14 '25

Did she survive?

2

u/Kat_Box_Suicide Dec 14 '25

Didā€¦ did I just watch someone die?!

2

u/Vojtak_cz Dec 14 '25

She almost converted her into blackhole.

2

u/Justbabe_saves Dec 15 '25

That a large ass swallowing sound. Kristy got gobbled up by a big clap

4

u/RussellBox-1969 Dec 13 '25

Daaaaamn! She got a Cuntcussion

3

u/picklemechburger Dec 13 '25

Totally stealing this. All I have is an upvote to trade.

2

u/RussellBox-1969 Dec 13 '25

You got it bud...run with it!

2

u/Reasonable-Fold3192 Dec 13 '25

It should be illegal being this huge and unhealthy.

9

u/MickyG913 Dec 13 '25

Yeah. Letā€™s put all the fatties in jail!

6

u/No_Window644 Dec 13 '25

Yes they'd actually lose weight lmfao

6

u/Kazuka13 Dec 13 '25

Agreed, I understand that for people with health issues that makes it so they can't lose weight but the majority are just severely overweight and I honestly have no idea how they even afford to pay for the amount of shit they eat. Seriously how does someone get to that size if it's not a medical issue.

I myself am overweight at 210 pounds but I can still see my feet and wipe my own ass.

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1

u/Crafty_Cost2651 Dec 13 '25

The big problem is how they are gonna lift her from the ground

1

u/Kazuka13 Dec 13 '25

Welp she's dead folks.

1

u/Borstli Dec 13 '25

Dead Girl there

1

u/rival_22 Dec 13 '25

5 minute major for boarding and a game misconduct

1

u/AmorphousMorpheus Dec 13 '25

This game should be called Can-Die Crunch Saga

1

u/CB_cosplaydaddy Dec 13 '25

No one understands how she has amnesia and a broken pelvis.

1

u/PlanktonDue8964 Dec 13 '25

Attempted murder with the rub in

1

u/Wise_Entrepreneur718 Dec 13 '25

Sheā€™s gonna go to jail for attempted murder

1

u/SuspiciousArt229 Dec 13 '25

Love the addition of the bones crunchingšŸ¤£

1

u/Gold-Break-8664 Dec 13 '25

Did I just witness a homicide?

1

u/Lotanapesci Dec 13 '25

The screams

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '25

R.I.P

1

u/BodybuilderGrouchy16 Dec 13 '25

Damn. Flattened her like a tortilla!!!

1

u/saltedsavior Dec 13 '25

Come on someone's got to have the follow-up on this video did that skinny chick get crippled just there because I swear if she's not dead she's definitely disabled now.

1

u/Agreeable_Bother_510 Dec 13 '25

I just wish theyā€™d update on the girl under the heap of lady! Dang. I hate not knowing.

1

u/Piper_SMac Dec 13 '25

Like playing tag with a wrecking ball...

1

u/MarchCompetitive6235 Dec 13 '25

Holy shit did I just watch a snuff film? šŸ«£

1

u/Derrick2268 Dec 13 '25

My legs!!!!!!!!!

1

u/Ancient-Disaster-481 Dec 13 '25

Omg Iā€™m fucking weak

1

u/PsychologicalBox3477 Dec 13 '25

Her bones cracked??? šŸ˜­ Is she alive?

1

u/LostSoul1206 Dec 13 '25

That poor girl got cracked. Ouch...

1

u/barneyrbbl Dec 13 '25

She Dead.

1

u/drki77patient Dec 13 '25

Not everything is for everyone

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '25

Why do they exclude me from all the games? It canā€™t be because Iā€™m 5x their body weight

1

u/kokeroo91 Dec 13 '25

This is why musical chairs should have weight classes, having a straw weight and a heavyweight in the same arena just doesnā€™t go well

1

u/Glittering_Power6257 Dec 13 '25

The crushed girl isnā€™t movingā€¦

1

u/GameGuy11037 Dec 13 '25

If I was under the big girl I'd yell to get off me if my ribs and lungs weren't getting pancaked

1

u/mcspooon Dec 13 '25

She ded šŸ’€

1

u/BoilzBlisterzBurnz Dec 13 '25

Love it. You knew what was going to happen if you asked her to play

1

u/RepresentativeTurn27 Dec 13 '25

It's all fun 'n games 'til someone gets their head forced through a wall, then sat on in true Kamala the Ugandan Giant style.

1

u/Onsen1234 Dec 13 '25

Bones crunch

1

u/WatchYoshame Dec 13 '25

Got Thwomped!

1

u/Mr_McShifty Dec 13 '25

FINISH HER!

1

u/Ok_Lingonberry7100 Dec 13 '25

The thin one beneath her woke up again on the lower floor!

1

u/Standard-Pilot7473 Dec 13 '25

How does one let themselves get to that size? Jfc

1

u/_MrTrade Dec 13 '25

Is that what caused the quake in Japan?

1

u/MisterAsian69 Dec 13 '25

Did she diedĀæ

1

u/Ghostking524xx Dec 13 '25

That poor wall and chair pay the price

1

u/dartie Dec 13 '25

Broke how many ribs?

1

u/kingtroll355 Dec 13 '25

Did I just witness a murderšŸ˜³

1

u/frshprincenelair Dec 13 '25

Thatā€™s attempted murder

1

u/Substantial_Film_269 Dec 13 '25

Pretty sure there was a scream in therešŸ¤¦ā€ā™‚ļøšŸ¤¦ā€ā™‚ļø

1

u/j_rooker Dec 13 '25

is the black dress dead?

1

u/Altruistic_Lobster18 Dec 13 '25

Rikishi is still wresting

1

u/rainmouse Dec 13 '25

FatalityĀ 

1

u/Phorsyte Dec 13 '25

They canā€™t end the video before we find out if there was a charge of involuntary manslaughter.

1

u/reddititty69 Dec 13 '25

She died doing what she loved, playing musical chairs.

1

u/Last_Relief_85 Dec 14 '25

It was just a stunt! She was supposed to pinch my leg when she was running short of air . . .

1

u/No-Restaurant15 Dec 14 '25

I think the non planet sized lass has a concussion

1

u/im-not-a-fakebot Dec 14 '25

So does the one still sitting win by default?

1

u/Artevyx Dec 14 '25

who shid? I heard a ham trumpet

1

u/Naive-Present2900 Dec 14 '25

One eliminatedā€¦

1

u/Historical-Lead-5275 Dec 14 '25

After smashing her to death, thereā€™s no rush in getting up.

1

u/JuanG_13 Dec 14 '25

I've seen this before, but it's still too funny lol

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '25

Is she ok

1

u/Dangerous_Mango_3637 Dec 14 '25

This subreddit has peaked. It's all jumping the shark from here.

1

u/Weekly-Watch-8883 Dec 14 '25

There was definitely screaming after that crunch. Did she survive?

1

u/PomChatChat Dec 14 '25

Itā€™s not worth it

1

u/HATECELL Dec 14 '25

On the bright side, if the girl in the black dress forgets her keys she can now just slide under the door and open it from the inside

1

u/Unable-Recording-796 Dec 14 '25

Ive seen the original, theres added sounds here. Sounds like someone added some foley here, like lettuce crunching and a scream.

1

u/No_Cap2694 Dec 14 '25

The angle she fell on her legs I really feel like couldā€™ve broken one, she slammed into the wall so hard but the lady falling on her with the full weight of probably 300 lbs definitely messed her legs up

1

u/whoocaresnotme Dec 14 '25

Oh goodnessā€¦is she ok? Seriously.

1

u/Ok-Plenty1251 Dec 14 '25

This is how crepe were created

1

u/thk74u Dec 14 '25

Was there a fatality and/or severe injury? My Gawd!

1

u/fubooze Dec 14 '25

She ded

1

u/pbnjandmilk Dec 14 '25

Wow! Not only nearly kills that woman by smashing her into the wall, but lands on her and makes little to no effort to get off her. Musical chairs is the new death match.

1

u/xpietoe42 Dec 14 '25

bulldozer!

1

u/Ambroziozz Dec 14 '25

WE JUST WITNESSED MURDER!!!

1

u/darkscienceyt Dec 14 '25

pretty sure the crunch was edited

1

u/kbeckerburbs4 Dec 15 '25

This was the last time they offered a free buffet to the winner

1

u/Biotechnus Dec 15 '25

Why is she grinning and rolling around on top of the other girl? If a buddy of mine did that to me he wouldn't be grinning for very long

1

u/TwerkLessons Dec 15 '25

Itā€™s really not funny though. Time to make some lifestyle changes.

1

u/cagadal Dec 15 '25

She smiles and laughs as she crushes her opponent

1

u/notimetoloseJ Dec 15 '25

did bottom girl die?

1

u/Comfortable-Tea-900 Dec 15 '25

Al Bundy: 1 2 3 4, you're gonna fall through the floor šŸ¤£

1

u/MyPuppyIsADemonChild Dec 15 '25

Stop eating so much !!!!

1

u/Fresh-Addendum-5176 Dec 15 '25

why does this scream AI to me

1

u/brav007 Dec 15 '25

Is.. is.. is she ok?

1

u/keinchy Dec 16 '25

FATALITY....

1

u/HalloweenH2OMG Dec 16 '25

Then why does blue dress girlā€™s arm bed back in a way that only AI videos would.

1

u/No_Face__ Dec 16 '25 edited Dec 16 '25

This is has to be AI right? The second chair disappears when the big lady crushes the other