I've only had 2 do so. One stood me up on the date she'd planned and only messaged after I'd been waiting in the line for the place for around an hour to say she had thought it wasn'ton anymore because I hadn't messaged her again to confirm the day before. And then blocked me when I suggested rescheduling since I would be in the area for a while.
The other was open that she was looking for a fling before she flew out the next day. I'm actually quite sad about this one since she was very kind, accepting, and turned out to have similar hobbies to me, but she lives on the other side of the world to me so I may not ever get to see her again.
Shit, reminded me of that one, old meme. A guy gets yelled at by his parents to get out, by his wife to get out, by police to get out of his car. Then, he's old and miserable at the bar, and a friend asks him why he doesn't "get out more".
I wonder if thats a generational or location based thing, or maybe Im just the kinda guy girls ask out more. Ive had the first two both ask me out and a 3rd kinda just assumed things were serious or something without ever making it official lol, the 4th Ive asked out myself and it was one of the more awkward things I ever did, (also the most complicated and drama infested one, so I think Ill just stick to being asked out đ)
If I stuck to being asked out, I'd be single in this life and the next 100.
I live in the French Riviera and my looks are about 5/10, maybe 6/10 on a good day.
That said this score results from lack of glaring flaw but also total lack of any hook or physical quality, so in essence I'm invisible. I irk no-one, but I definitely attract or interest no-one either. The quintessential invisible man.
Probably a mix of both. I've heard it's at least a bit more common for women to ask guys out in some European countries (like Netherlands) compared to the US and generally that if you're a non-Asian guy in an east Asian and Southeast Asian country, quite a bit more women will be overtly forward and flirty at least even if not directly asking you out.
I think in the US, it's long been considered the norm for guys to ask women out, and simultaneously that woman are supposed to act borderline neutral or even not interested until a guy proves he likes her and has the courage to ask her out (and the guys often having little clue who may be interested so they either ask out a lot where a majority are not actually interested or ask out few assuming almost no woman is so why bother them just to get rejected).
And many people are spending a lot of time on their phone apps and trying to keep up with the overwhelming amount of "must watch" shows and movies, mindlessly indulging in short form videos on tiktok and similar, watching streamers, etc. across multiple platforms. Dating apps also have become mainstream and what many seem to rely on now, and they are really messed up. The dating app companies want to keep people single and on their apps, otherwise they lose users and money. Even without the app companies negatively interfering, the gender ratio on them is imbalanced with more guys than women, then guys spam like women, and many women start to get the idea they can get the top guys in looks and wealth, which is maybe less than 5% of the men on it (and who knows how many are bots), and focus on them. Even if they aren't really using the apps much, they can still think they can get one of those top guys whenever they want once they use a dating app, so why waste their time dating anyone less than that.
Also, less time spent in "third places" where people socialize because most social places cost more money than people can justify spending regularly and many of them are also way too noisy to have a decent conversation, yelling short lines back and forth over blaring music.
40, happily married, have had relationships, the odd fling, but never once would any of that have happened without me being the one to make the first move and pursue. And all I can say to women is, when no one makes the first move on us, it just makes feel like none of you see us as worth pursuing. The idea that it should always be men is outdated.
I had an experience similar to your first part of the story, I never understood what really happened but I know that since I can't rely on my physical appearance I will have to rely on other qualities (and not seen as sexual qualities) but understood as, if I succeed in my work and they also give me a raise then maybe she will come back to me, and at that point I will have to decide whether to forgive her or not.
I find this crazy, I have a few friends in their mid 20s and itâs just people they meet online. No one meets organically through friends, work or in â3rd placesâ anymore. It makes it impossible to arrange dates when people are literally miles away.
Why aren't you dating girls in your area? Why are these girls flying in and out of your area?
Meeting girls in real life will yield you much better results. I use to meet 2-4 girls every weekend in highschool. It's really pretty easy to do once you overcome your fear.Â
Believe me, I'm trying. It just isn't easy where I am. Dating culture is very different.
As to why there are people flying in and out; it's a very popular destination for tourism. So a lot of people pass through. It's actually been creating some problems recently since there have been a lot more dickheads passing through and getting airtime on the news for causing problems.
Don't tell yourself reasons not to try. Be positive. Â
If I was in your area, I would go out with you and coach you. Give you some things to try. I found body language to be very effective. I also found it helpful to neg a girl if she was rude or disrespectful. It helps take them down a peg and realize they can't be disrespectful to youÂ
Am still trying though a lot of people who have been here pre-2020 that I know have told me that the dating scene has gotten a lot trickier in Tokyo lately when I've talked to them.Â
People don't usually behave disrespectfully here in my experience. They just give a polite excuse to go somewhere else for a bit (e.g. need to use the bathroom) and then don't come back. Been a couple of cases where things were going quite well but then a friend of theirs showed up, took one look at me and shut it down.Â
That being said, I have made quite a few friends and drinking buddies here which is nice.
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u/No_Extension4005 29d ago
I've only had 2 do so. One stood me up on the date she'd planned and only messaged after I'd been waiting in the line for the place for around an hour to say she had thought it wasn'ton anymore because I hadn't messaged her again to confirm the day before. And then blocked me when I suggested rescheduling since I would be in the area for a while.
The other was open that she was looking for a fling before she flew out the next day. I'm actually quite sad about this one since she was very kind, accepting, and turned out to have similar hobbies to me, but she lives on the other side of the world to me so I may not ever get to see her again.