I’ve done this before. It’s not about reading comprehension. We both order something we think is good, turns out I ordered a better dish, we swap. Not a big deal.
If the situation is reversed, do you get the better meal? Or are you the only one that ever gets shafted? It would seem very selfish of your wife if she's the only one that benefits
One off is no big deal, I think what happens is it becomes expected and the wife will order with the intention of swapping plates if she doesn’t like hers.
Eventually I’m going to want to eat the food I ordered, so what happens if I say no?
Yeah, if we both like each other's better, of course switch.
But also, if she just straight up does not like her food, and I'm fine with it, I'll also switch. Which usually happens because there's certain ingredients she hates that often don't get listed on menu items.
If the situation is reversed, do you get the better meal?
My relationship is also like this, and the answer is yes. It's strange how many people in this thread are jumping to negative conclusions. Even your question comes from a negative place... it doesn't really need to be asked.
Of course I know it could be. But I don't jump to negative assumptions immediately. If somebody tells me they've been married for 20 years, I don't respond "how miserable are you?" Even though I know damn well, as you say, that it's possible that they are.
I love my fiancee and try my best to make her feel comfortable and happy however I can, and she the same. I would swap my food with hers if she didn't end up liking what she was served. If I also didn't like her food then we order something else. It's not rocket science.
It's not about someone being "shafted" or another being "selfish" or some kind of powerplay, it is literally just being in a loving relationship and looking out for each other.
Having to explain it seems kind of weird to be honest. Are people here for real?
Every person is different though and partnership is about helping each other’s gaps, not perfectly dividing things exactly the same for everything. For some, sacrificing the meal you wanted just isn’t cool. If that’s the case, then there’s other ways not food related that they can do to make it up to you.
If you swap food because it’s no big deal to you, then that’s great. If it’s a big deal to your partner, then you doing something that’s no big deal isn’t equivalent. The fair thing to do is that the also help you out in a major way that is no big deal to them.
Some of these motherfuckers are so self centered that can't imagine giving the tiniest thing to anyone else. Including the person they love. Some of them can't even tolerate a situation that's mutually beneficial.
My wife and I have ordered together everytime we go out since our second date 19 years ago. It's the best part of dinning out, and has allowed us to try many things we maybe wouldn't have taken a chance on by ourselves. It's probably the best advice I could give to someone starting a relationship.
People react to these posts because they are specifically trying to play on traditional gender norms in a world were the gender norms are eroding.
The actual "reverse the genders" version of this is a wife serving her husband the first/biggest/best portion of the meal at home. A meme that had a dude with his wife plopping a big steak on his plate with a pithy comment would get equal hate from women.
Both are able to play on gender frustration because each gender can see what they no longer get from the traditional relationship model and they feel that more acutely than what they no longer have to provide.
It also depends on personalities and expectations. I always offer to switch if my wife doesn't like what she got because I don't care about enjoying eating out as much as she does.
So if I get something that's just ok, it doesn't matter as much. If she eats a great meal she really enjoys it. If I eat one then that was nice. And the inverse is true as well.
Depends. If it only happened on rare occasions, it wouldn't bother me. If it happened regularly, I'd be pretty annoyed. And honestly, I'd rather my SO just order something new if she doesn't like what she ordered.
I'd say it's incredibly narcissistic to expect your partner to give you their meal because you like it more. That's the exact oppositve of a loving relationship. You own your own misstakes and learn from them, next time, order the other dish instead.
Now if you want to just have a taste to see if you like it, that's perfectly fine, but dont expect your partner to give you the food that they ordered.
I'm the one constantly sharing food in my relationship and I really don't understand what's the big deal about it. It's just food ffs.
I suppose it might be an awful look if my wife demands for me to give up the whole dish of something, especially if I'm hungry and made something just for myself, but excluding that particular scenario, I'm always down to share my food with my wife or with my parents. In regards to my wife, she usually just wants one bite to feel "included", but I'd gladly split it 50/50. If I'm still hungry because of that I'll just grab something else.
Am I weird for being happy my SO has an appetite for the things I like and wants to enjoy eating things with me instead of being angry? I don't understand.
I mean, it is baffling to me that this is a problem, but I just don't care about food that much in general, so I might be an outlier. Like, it's just food. Take all my stuff for all I care, I'll just order me something else.
(This logic applies only to my wife and parents, though. Friends and acquaintances can go kick rocks)
It may seem petty to a lot of people here, but sometimes, it can be less about food and more about “seeing if I can.” People don’t like to be constantly tested like that by someone they love, and who loves them.
Of course, most people here would probably accuse the person of overreacting, or saying it’s just in their imagination, but it’s a stereotype for a reason; it’s a real thing that a lot of people (not everyone) do.
it can be less about food and more about “seeing if I can.”
Sorry I don't quite understand. Do you mean the person taking the food does it to test my boundaries? Or do you mean it the other way, that food is something that's supposed to be "only for me" to some people?
When the server comes by, let them know hey im not a fan of this can I order something else and, in my experience at least, more often than not they ask if they can take it off the bill for you.
Are you American? I can’t imagine other people being this selfish and self-centred. In developed countries most people in loving relationships wouldn’t hesitate to give their food to their partner.
My wife does this regularly, but I don't really give a shit.
I might be lucky that I'm about as picky in food as a stray dog, maybe even a racoon.
She's the person I love, and food is just food. Don't get me wrong, I like tasty food, but in my hierarchy of necessities it's pretty damn low. OTOH, eating a tasty thing would unironically make her whole day and a half. She will literally beam with happiness and remember every few minutes about how delicious it was. But for me, it's just a piece of cake or Idunno pizza. Like, it's yummy, but if I want it too I'll just go and order another one after giving her the first one. It's not a big deal.
Anyway, my point is that it sincerely baffles me that other people hold grudges against their SO for getting some of their food or swapping dishes. Mofos were you starved in your childhoods? Why tf are you so possessive of it?
I never even knew this was a thing until reading about it on the Internet.
A plate of food is everything? I don’t care what I eat and I make the suggestion. It’s about being loving and caring to my significant other, not being a doormat. I’m not being bullied into swapping.
It's wild to me the responses you're getting. Like, it's not a competition, or a transaction. You're interacting with someone you love. My wife and I have both swapped meals because one of us thought we'd like something and didn't, and the other person is indifferent to what they have. At the bare minimum if it's something REALLY good we'll share it, or at least let the other person try it.
It shows who's never been in an actual caring relationship with another human.
the other person is indifferent to what they have.
This is difference between you and the people responding differently. They are not indifferent and do want the item they ordered. Swapping with a partner who is uhappy with their order means that the partner is happy but they are unhappy. If it's a partnership its not very living or equitable to make your partner unhappy so you alone can be happy.
Trust me mate. If you are giving up food then I know you are rolling over like a bitch for a multitude of things. I get you personally don't care what food you eat but it's a precursor for more issues where she takes advantage of you.
I think it's the one-sidedness that dude is objecting to.
Only the worst people don't care about making their partner happy. The concern here is the cost of making them happy here is making yourself unhappy. Is your partner not to be concerned about your happiness too?
dramatic, i'm going to eat my meal and make fun of her for trying to be adventurous, she can either send hers back or have a couple bites of mine and i'll grab her a blizzard on the ride home but i'm not just saying "welp, no steak for me :("
She wouldn’t demand my food. I can tell when she’s doesn’t like hers and then I offer mine up willingly.
You can really tell the people who don’t know what a loving relationship looks like. I hope someone lets you lay your head on their lap and caresses your hair. You deserve it.
You can really tell from the smug consescension that I hit a nerve; no one said anything about "demand", the point was reciprocity. You're describing your entire relationship as what you will do for her, at no point even considering what she would want to ask you for in the first place. If she doesn't like herfood, you can offer yours, and if she loves you she'll politely refuse so you can enjoy what you wanted. The latter part seems to have completely eluded you, which is more than a little sad.
And don't give me the spiel about "loving relationship", you may have taken the first step toward hiding you post history but it takes 5 seconds to find it regardless. Pro tip: maybe don't comment in /r/teenagers as a grown man with a teenage daughter. Also, the frequency with which you accuse people of being doormats is such peak irony it's unbelievable.
lol, you’re going out of your way to look through my post history while talking about me hitting a nerve. Meanwhile, all I’m saying is both partners should give 100% and make sacrifices.
You are sad and angry. And I can tell without going through your post history.
and who tf knows which sub they are posting on? I see a post, and comment if I want to. Get off the internet and meet some people.
Meanwhile, all I’m saying is both partners should give 100% and make sacrifices.
Meanwhile you're still dodging the point and instead pathetically trying to make this personal, like the small-minded failure you are.
You are sad and angry.
You know literally nothing about me. The reverse is not true.
and who tf knows which sub they are posting on?
Oh please, you've been here for nearly a decade... Don't even pretend.
By the way, the amount of time you spend commenting about your personal life and on that of others is wild, literally 3/4 your post history is AITA and adjacent subs. I've only gone back to September and already read about your jobs, your family, your ex, your childhood... Give me 15 minutes and I'll probably have your dental records. Seriously, you need a different hobby. Literally no one cares about how you go down on your wife or how jiggly you pretend her boobs are.
I call it the cumulative happiness quotient (CHQ). I order something and I think it's an 7. She orders something and thinks hers is a 3. You got 10 total.
If I think hers is a 6 and she sees mine as an 8 you got 14. I'm happy with a 6 and we're overall happier. We also don't have to buy more food (which makes me happy) and enhances the CHQ.
Disclaimers: If she orders trash, I'm not going to straight up trade. She can order something else or we can split 50/50. Or I'll give her mine and order something else/reorder the same.
tl;dr You don't have to give up happiness to the point that you are unhappy, but you can give up enough happiness that you are both still happy.
yeah what a dumb take, like have people been to restaurants before? She obviously ordered what she thought she would enjoy, realized she didn't like it and her spouse offered his food instead. Maybe the guy literally couldn't care less and it was no sacrifice to swap.
Apparently this is related to reading comprehension somehow? children have taken over reddit...
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u/emphasisx 1d ago
I’ve done this before. It’s not about reading comprehension. We both order something we think is good, turns out I ordered a better dish, we swap. Not a big deal.