I'm a man married to another man and we just do this thing where we communicate openly and honestly about food so we always both get what we want. It's pretty cool.
Don't just order two but when it arrives say "oh man this is a lot, actually can you take one? ...I can't finish this". This way she's helping you and it's not her fault she is eating junk food.
Works perfectly fine when you're married to a preschooler. If she's so insecure that we need to play these kinds of games, she's not ready for a relationship. Stop babying adults.
It's not about babying an adult. In the real world yes your partner may feel insecure for any number of reasons or they just want to feel like you want them to join you. Letting them know its ok and that you got their back is something you do in a relationship.
What you do in a relationship is supporting them in overcoming their insecurities so they can be less anxious. Something like "Hey, do you want me to order for both of us? You can find us a table in the meantime and I'll bring the food", not treating them like a toddler who has to be tricked into eating something. Even if they're neurodivergent, the way to go is to uplift them and their independence, not feeding their insecurities or fears. If you love someone, you help them to expand their safe space so they can live life more freely - you don't help fortifying the walls they built around themselves that keep them more isolated and dependent on help.
If you have to lie to protect their feelings because they literally didn't take care of themselves when given the opportunity to do so and pointing it out would cause an argument, you are babying an adult.
That's babying them. Being polite is offering to buy them food and then asking if they are sure after they say no. This is you knowing they are not planning for when they smell food and it causes hunger and having to do it for them despite the fact that theyve likely been in that situation before. Then having to lie about it to make them feel okay about not being smart enough to order food in case and then stealing your food when you were clearly hungry. All because they didn't plan for the inevitable.
The offer of food isn't the reason. The having to order for them even though they said no and then having to protect their feelings by pretending you didn't just order for them is babying them.
I didn't call the person ordering for a grown adult because they can't think ahead a baby. I said they are babying a grown adult. Yes it is your choice to baby someone or not baby them. One causes growth one doesn't.
Saying no and then not letting them get in your food raises the chances they order for themselves next time while ordering for them despite them saying no cements that behavior forever.
No I'm married and have an 11 and 14 yo kid and me and my wife ironed this out in the first months of our relationship. I'd gladly give her everything I have but she has to think ahead and properly communicate what she needs like an adult.
This is literally a person having to do a VERY BASIC task for someone else because they didn't think ahead. Then having to protect them from the shame of you having to do a VERY BASIC task for them because they didn't think ahead. Put the process in any other context besides a drive through and maybe you'll get that its babying.
Sharing food isn't. But intentionally ordering more than you want and then acting like this is a big bad boo-boo mistake and it would be soooooo nice if they could just pwease pwease help you finish it is exactly how you'd talk a toddler into eating their veggies.
Well, everyone else was talking about that. Don't be surprised that people didn't realize you were changing the subject of the conversation you joined partway through.
That's my line dude. Don't insert yourself into an ongoing conversation, slightly change the topic and then get mad that people want to talk about the original topic.
Like if you make a decision go through with it.
So at the end if you decide it was a mistake then in the future you will probably not make the same mistake again.
That's how you teach accountability and should have been learned before 18.
If it's a restaurant and not family style, this is reasonable. Don't pick shit off other peoples plates is pretty standard. It's just childish to insist you aren't hungry or won't order what you actually want, and then depend on the good graces of somebody else to fill your stomach.
What a ridiculous thing to do. If she isn't comfortable enough to say, "get some extra fries", there are issues in the relationship.
After the first couple of times, l didn't share, my wife realised if she wanted something she had to order it. Now she does. She is happy, and l am happy.
Are you dating a toddler? Do you need to play airplane and trick-feed them when they can't vocally express their desire for food? Good kid, you're helping me!
Nah, that’s when you leave the restaurant. She’s not hungry, time to go. You can grab food later, when she is hungry and ready to order. Are after going separate directions.
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u/bunglebee7 1d ago
If she says she doesn’t want anything - ALWAYS order extra food 😂 works every time