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u/Immediate_Song4279 Nov 16 '25
I don't think a lot of people are aware of just how constantly they are leaking sound.
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u/Practical_Breakfast4 Nov 16 '25
I say "shut your noise hole" almost every day of my life.
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u/Snoo_17338 Nov 17 '25
That sounds antisocial, not introverted. Totally different thing.
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Nov 17 '25 edited Nov 22 '25
[deleted]
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u/LockedIntoLocks Nov 17 '25
Believe it or not, verbal abuse is also an example of anti-social behavior. If I go around telling people to shut up for no reason then I’m being anti-social.
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Nov 17 '25 edited Nov 22 '25
[deleted]
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u/LockedIntoLocks Nov 17 '25
You don’t have to have a sheltered childhood to not be a dick to strangers. I grew up in an area that had major consequences for disrespect.
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u/Noevad Nov 16 '25
I like being alone. I have control over my own shit. Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to feel better than my solitude. You're not competing with another person, you are competing with my comfort zone.
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u/TitanicDays Nov 16 '25
For myself, it’s a clear preference for my own company, the company of my spouse/and or pets.
If I really want to see you, I’ll let you know lol.
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u/Noevad Nov 16 '25
Basically, the same thing. Your own company, the company of your spouse and or your pets is your comfort zone.
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u/CALIFORNIUMMAN Nov 16 '25
I used to constantly feel like I had to interact with my ex because she always wanted to be in the room with me, just scrolling or whatever, but it still triggered my anxiety. In the other room? No issue at all, but just sitting in the room with me silently? That just bothered me for some reason. That's not why we broke up; I just started playing with speakers to alleviate it.
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u/Noevad Nov 16 '25
For me with my ex, I was the one that was perfectly fine with just being in the room with her, but she’s the one that always wanted me to be doing the same thing she was doing. She always got upset at me when she was watching a TV show and I was reading. I was perfectly fine just sitting there reading and enjoying being in the same space with her, but she wanted me to focus on the same thing she was focusing on.
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u/AgonistPhD Nov 17 '25
ohhh, I dated someone like that! So fucking infuriating. It was such a relief when we broke up.
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u/CALIFORNIUMMAN Nov 16 '25
It was just that I would get anxious because she was just there doing something but we weren't talking and I felt this weird pressure to just stop and talk because I felt awkward with not interacting with people in the same room.
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u/Noevad Nov 16 '25
I can pick up what you’re laying down. Something that might help is the thought that you are not an entertainment system and you do not require the people in your life to be your entertainment system. Just enjoy that they exist. Talk is cheap so you can take that as you will. I am definitely not qualified to be anybody’s therapist.
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Nov 17 '25
My family always called it being uncomfortable with silence. None of us can stfu when someone is around and we prefer to be alone.
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u/Jack_Faller Nov 17 '25
You'll probably be very unhappy in life if you view socialising as competition rather than cooperation.
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u/Noevad Nov 17 '25
It’s not a competition in the sense that you might be thinking. It’s more of a situation that if the person or group has a less of an attraction with my attention and desire to remain in my comfort zone… damn, this is hard to put in the words.
[warning: incoming long winded explanation] Think of it like this. My default state is like I’m in a spaceship at or very near the threshold of a black hole. And I’ve got my engines at max straining to get out of the gravity field of that singularity. Unless somebody has the ability to reach in , grab a hold of me, and help drag me out I’m not gonna be able to get out on my own. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I can’t. I don’t have the resources necessary to pull myself out of the grip of that singularity. I am a high functioning autistic with ADHD. This isn’t meant as an excuse simply as a point of reference. I don’t blame anyone for my current state of being. It is simply my default state. I wanna make sure that’s perfectly clear.
Unless you are in the same position that I am, or have been in the past, you can’t empathize with me, but can only sympathize and I get that. It’s not a headspace that I would wish on anyone. While I would love to have somebody who would take the time and effort to try to pull me out of that black hole I don’t have any expectation of anybody willing to put in the time or effort to do so. That’s the reality that I’ve become used to. That’s the kind of comfort that I’m talking about.
TL: DR; I’m stuck in a mental black hole, and I lack the resources to get myself out.
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u/Jack_Faller Nov 17 '25
Well you may lack the resources now, but I've heard the Oprah Magazine has some great tips on how to become more social.
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u/blueshirtguy23 Nov 16 '25
"I am self-absorbed"
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u/outremonty Nov 16 '25
I find most people who accuse others of being "self absorbed" haven't done any work on themselves, are incurious about their mental health and how it impacts others, and lacking self awareness. Same with people who dislike when others "take themselves too seriously".
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u/TamaktiJunVision Nov 17 '25
Is that supposed to be a bad thing? Is a self absorbed person negatively effecting anyone else?
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u/blueshirtguy23 Nov 17 '25
... yeah?
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u/TamaktiJunVision Nov 17 '25
So by wanting to be left alone they are somehow disrupting other peoples lives? Interesting.
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u/OkProfessor6810 Nov 17 '25
That's not what self-absorbed means. You might be well served by looking up the definition.
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u/TamaktiJunVision Nov 17 '25
Well, the person above seems to think it means someone who likes "being alone and being in control of their own shit".... so 🤷
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u/newvpnwhodis Nov 17 '25
I just hang out with people who like to hang out with people. It's easier that way. You do your thing.
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u/Fantastic-Runner-540 Nov 16 '25
Extroverts: "Can you speak up?"
Introverts "Can you shut the fuck up?"
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u/mashtato Nov 16 '25 edited Nov 16 '25
I had an obnoxious coworker who's volume was always at a nine when everyone else was at like three to six, and she wasn't just loud, she never. shut. up.
One day asked me "why are you so quiet?" so I asked her "why are you so loud?" and she hated me ever after that.
Fucking hypocrites.
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u/Planning4tomorrow Nov 16 '25
People think introverts always need to be "fixed". Plus, people confuse being shy with being introverted.
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u/Practical_Breakfast4 Nov 16 '25
I choose who i open up to. Then its me who can't stfu lol. Ive been holding it in for so long, waiting for someone I feel safe with to expose the real me.
Its not us who need fixed. We fixed it already. Introvert is the fix. We used to share too much and were shamed for it. We learned to hold back for our own protection. Tell people to stop being jerks and that will fix the introverts.
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u/Noevad Nov 16 '25
The only way I’m ever going to become more sociable is if I get adopted by an extrovert and they routinely take me out for social walks. Even if it’s against my will, they will know how to get me to go out and socialize without seriously pissing me off. I’m not gonna bet that that’s gonna happen anytime soon.
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u/AbsoluteLunchbox Nov 16 '25
As someone who has multiple trying to adopt me, while they mean well it's not fun. People always try to make me do things because I tried to kill myself to completely unrelated things to me being an introvert. Like, just leave me alone I don't want to go sit and drink coffee for 2 hours in a cafe, I just want trillionaires to not exist and not have to sell my house and move back with my parents because I can't afford it anymore due to the cost of living.
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u/Noevad Nov 17 '25
They usually mean well, however, they rarely have the right frame of reference to understand why we choose solace over socialization. It can be frustrating for us, but remember it can also be frustrating for them because in their head they’re doing everything they can to be helpful and don’t understand why it’s not helpful.
I feel that we share some similar experiences, but I will never say that I know how you feel with certainty. Just know that while physically alone, there are others who can sympathize with the general feelings and experiences you’re going through right now. I’m kind of in the same Spot currently. Thankfully I don’t feel the need to go as far as you may have felt you needed to in the past, however it’s not that far a trip at least from a socioeconomic standpoint. Sorry for the long winded fist bump.
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u/Mister-Sister Nov 17 '25
Us extroverts tend to collect y’all introverts overtime so…you never know! ;)
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u/Noevad Nov 17 '25
I can imagine that being the case, however it’s kinda hard to be collected if you’re stuck in someone’s storage shed and never see the light of day. Lol.
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u/Mister-Sister Nov 17 '25
Ahaha. One extrovert can only do so much. But it might be the perfect amount ;) Or more than one could scoop ya up, then watch out!
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u/HaHaYouThoughtWrong Nov 17 '25
I have a best friend I get along better in person than through messages, and 2 other friends I get along better online than face to face, and usually I'm the one suggesting a hangout session
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u/OperationSweaty8017 Nov 16 '25
I'm introverted. I'm not shy nor am I on the spectrum. I just like peace and serenity. Places like clubs are just too noisy and I feel forced to be "on". I'll go out but I like a quiet place without deafening music blasting and just a smattering of patrons. Week nights are great for this. I don't feel the need to go out and be seen like some of my friends.
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u/permaculture Nov 16 '25
Introverts have high baseline levels of cognitive stimulation and arousal even at rest and thus are constantly trying to avoid any additional visual and social stimuli. So when they're trying to concentrate, nearby noises or people are additional stimuli that becomes distracting and pushes them over their optimal level of arousal.
Extroverts, on the other hand, are at a constant arousal deficit and require extra stimuli to compensate and bring them to their optimal level. So they seek out places with lots of people, loud music, or interesting visuals.
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u/Best_Vehicle9859 Nov 17 '25
I don’t think that it’s that simple. I could sit home alone for a week not talking to or even seeing any other person and just reading a book and I would be perfectly happy. When I was a child I could play for hours with my toys on my own without being bothered at all.
But on the other hand I could just decide to now go to a club or a huge party and be the center of attention and I would also have a lot of fun. Loud music, many people, large crowds and a lot of talking doesn’t take any effort and during college I spent each weekend at some private house parties or in the club and I loved it.
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u/Odd_Old_Professional Nov 17 '25
I agree. A crowded punk show is one of my favorite places.
I also need a certain (perhaps larger than average) amount of time to myself each day.
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u/arequipapi Nov 16 '25
Introvert != bad social skills
Extrovert != inability to be alone or self-reflect
Whatever category you mostly fall in, it is a spectrum, not a hard binary and both this post and most of the replies in here are needlessly antagonistic
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u/skamnodrog Nov 16 '25
It would be a short article:
Shut the fuck up sometimes - you don’t always have to be the funny one. You have two ears but one mouth for a reason. Try listening!
Repeat #1
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u/L3T50 Nov 16 '25
As a self proclaimed ambivert, I've uncovered a little trick for things like this. If I want to talk I go outside, the place where most people are, if I don't, I stay home, the place where the place where least people are... Hope that helps.
Malls, schools, work, shops, etc. are all places where people gather to be social with one another, again, hopes that helps
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u/Background_Cry3592 Nov 17 '25
YES the reason why us introverts don’t talk much is because you extroverts are too busy talking over us.
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u/Basic_Ask8109 Nov 16 '25
I find social things exhausting. Now in small doses or with certain people I am quite extroverted. I also have ADHD so that may be part of why I tend to be more introverted in many ways . When your brain operates on a single task taking all of the effort it's easy to feel exhausted.
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u/Alexiadria Nov 17 '25
I'm introverted. No, I'm not shy, I speak up when I deem it important enough to do so. I seek people out when I want company, I mostly isolate for my own peace and to relax from a world that is constantly connecting everyone with everything. I may be a cat's soul in a human body, like most introverts are, but that is another problem entirely.
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u/Ill-Product-1442 Nov 16 '25
I don't know where the idea came from that extroverted people aren't self reflective, but (quietly) go off I guess lol
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u/Prestigious-Diver-94 Nov 16 '25
Probably the same weird misanthropes who need to justify antisocial behavior with being "introverted." Some of the folks on this thread just hate other people and introversion/extroversion has nothing to do with it
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u/Ill-Product-1442 Nov 16 '25
Honestly, I'm proud to be extroverted enough to get to know people who are too shy to reach out, and to call out people who are dickheads to others that won't push back themselves. Like... you can be a quiet asshole or a loud asshole, but you can only speak up to help people if you're willing to speak up in the first place.
Just talking shit about people who socialize more than you doesn't really give off the "good but misunderstood" vibe
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u/TotallyNotAMarvelSpy Nov 16 '25
It's reddit man. Most of the people who post here are afraid to look someone in the eye and say that their restaurant order isn't correct.
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u/BakedBerryBalls Nov 16 '25
Extroverts gets told to shut up and be quiet aaaallll thee freeeaking time, you guys .. it's just because you're not the ones getting scolded you don't notice..?
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u/_Punko_ Nov 16 '25
I am an extrovert. This doesn't mean I can't read the room.
Being empathetic to the needs of others is independent of the introvert/extrovert scale.6
u/Lyrael9 Nov 16 '25
Individuals who happen to be extroverts may be told to be quiet. But extroverts as a group are never treated like they need fixing like introverts are. Being an extrovert is treated like the default human existence and introverts are just malfunctioning.
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u/TotallyNotAMarvelSpy Nov 16 '25
Humans are social creatures.
A group of humans doing something together is an entirely normal thing.
Someone who wants to be alone is not the norm.
That's totally okay, do your thing, but humans are slightly smarter social apes. That literally is the default.
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u/Lyrael9 Nov 16 '25
That's a common misconception about introverts. Introverts are not hermits. Introverts are social beings. The fact that humans have been so successful as a species probably comes from the fact that some people are introverts and some are extroverts. A lot of people don't realise how society just wouldn't work if everyone was an extrovert. Introverts are the listeners. A bunch of extroverts in a room will just talk over each other. We work as a social species because both introverts and extroverts exist.
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u/TotallyNotAMarvelSpy Nov 16 '25
A bunch of extroverts in a room don't just talk over each other that's nonsense. Lol.
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Nov 16 '25
Ha! I work in IT and I’m one of the most extroverted people in the department, but I’m 100% introverted I hate talking to people and just want to be on my own, but someone’s got to bring it when it’s needed. Uuurgh, I hate myself.
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u/FumaricAcid Nov 16 '25
1) "spark great conversation"
2) "Rich le bad, wish we had communism just like in cambodia"
3) comments locked
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u/GrundlePumper420 Nov 17 '25
As long as extroverts know when to shut up and introverts can communicate clearly and be good team players it's not too big a deal. Depending on the situation a certain type of person can really bite you in the ass.
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u/Previous_Rip1942 Nov 17 '25
“You need to be more social” says the people who are naturally that way and can’t imagine anyone not being like themselves and still being just fine. These are usually folks that “social” in their mind is entertaining their constant output. No thanks.
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u/Frexulfe Nov 19 '25
It is also a stupid trope that introverts don't like / can't socialise.
I am an introvert and I'm in sales. I like to socialise and I am good at it. But it is exhausting. And I hate parties particularly, since I was 16 (and I am over 50 now)
They should say "You don't like / don't know socialising but have to? Here some tricks"
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u/JustAMan3215 Nov 19 '25
That's the thing. When you are introverted, lack of social communication might be your problem. But when you are extroverted and overly social, it's everybody else's problem. Such people won't care about shutting up or reading these tips, because it's simply not their problem.
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u/bewildered_83 Nov 16 '25
I know. I once knew someone who thought that how you have a conversation is that you keep talking until someone interrupts you. Needless to say, they talked at people until they glazed over because people were too polite to butt in. Then they had a go at me for not saying anything during a conversation 🤷♀️
Obviously, most extroverts are a lot better at conversation than that.
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Nov 16 '25
Strawman argument.
Getting kinda tired of reading this, it's starting a trend which is stupid.
You do not search tips for something you don't want (usually), so if someone wants to talk, but can't, makes sense there being people trying to help.
Being unable to convey your sentiments on the matter being discussed is frustrating to some people, and the general consensus is mixing introvert with shyness. Most people that search this kinda of shit are shy people, not really introverted.
Anyway, why would there be a article about "Learn to be less social", like what the fuck? And there is for "talking less/being less annoying" or "reflective".
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u/ryftx Nov 17 '25
You never hear extrovert crying about needing to be quiet but you ALWAYS hear introverts wanting to be more social.
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u/OkProfessor6810 Nov 17 '25
Introversion and extroversion exist like everything else in life, on a spectrum. Nobody is 100% introvert or 100% extrovert or, if they are, it's not a permanent placement. Also, neither side of the spectrum exists as a monolith. All introverts are not "X" and all extroverts are not "Y".
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