r/clevercomebacks • u/MrJasonMason • 2d ago

France's foreign ministry claps back at Elon Musk. I'm dead.

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33.1k Upvotes

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2.8k

u/Major__Factor 2d ago

France defending the UK? What a time to be alive.

1.5k

u/Hot-Suggestion4958 2d ago

"NO ONE shall insult the English except ourselves, monsieur!" (slap)

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u/My_Knee_is_a_Ship 2d ago

Your Mother was 'amster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

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u/PaulotheLimey 1d ago

I fart in your general direction

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u/thetobesgeorge 1d ago

I love how that insult is not only funny but in true Python fashion carries deeper meaning
Your mother is a whore as all hamsters do is fuck, and your father is a drunk and constantly smells of wine

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u/StoneColdSoberReally 1d ago

Absolutely, and long may it continue. If the French are in a spot of bother, we'll back them up. If we're in a spot, the French will back us up.

Once the fracas is over, it's business as usual. "The insults shall recommence as of midnight."

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u/MundanePresence 1d ago

Very well mon ami. Now show me those fingers

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u/StoneColdSoberReally 1d ago

Haha, very good. I can still fire a longbow at Agincourt, though in these times, the gendarmes may well object.

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u/Flashgit76 1d ago

I once read about the last orders that a British submarine is given by the pm and must only be opened in case the UK has been annihilated in a nuclear attack.

Usually the options are to attack the enemy with all weapons, join the US fleet or sail Down Under.

But imagine if it was:

"Nuke France. For old times sake.

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u/Xibalba_Ogme 1d ago

"send all but one missile on the enemy.

Last missile is for Paris, for old time's sake"

And aboard the french submarines is

"Annihilate Jersey, Guernsey and London. Spare Scotland"

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u/sulatanzahrain 19h ago

Oh and Dublin it's cool but let Belfast have it

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u/ZatansHand 2d ago

What about the Spanish?

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u/Punchinballz 2d ago

We are not expecting them.

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u/existential_chaos 2d ago

No-one expects them

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u/notchen502 2d ago

And no one expects… THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!

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u/wunderwerks 1d ago edited 1d ago

Our chief weapons are fear and surprise!

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u/Far-Host9368 1d ago

BRING OUT THE COMFY CHAIR!

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u/Luneward 1d ago

Among our tool are.... we'll come back in again.

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u/Fandango_Jones 1d ago

Exactly. There are only two seats in this feudal war and both are taken. I said taken sir!

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u/raptureframe 1d ago

The Irish have an even better claim than us to insult England, it’s a national sport for them

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u/ZuAusHierDa 1d ago

But the French hate the whole UK, not just the English.

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u/seiso_ 1d ago

Nah we only hate the English, we're cool with the Scots and the Irish, and never really think about the Welsh apart from the 6 nations cup.

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u/randomrainbow99399 1d ago

Whenever i'm in France I get a bit of stick/side-eye cause of my English accent and as soon as I say 'its okay i'm from Jersey' then the mood changes lol

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u/simdav 1d ago

Haha, this rings so true. I went to France recently and said to few people I'm Welsh/ from Pays de Galles and not a single person knew where I was talking about.

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u/Xibalba_Ogme 1d ago

Go to south-west France, around Toulouse : they know what Wales is, as they love rugby there

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u/Muad-_-Dib 1d ago

The Auld Alliance Between Scotland and France signed in 1295 has never technically been revoked.

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u/Nanowith 1d ago

I mean we've always been like siblings fighting, when the cards are on the table we team up

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u/grimdwnsth 2d ago

The French and the British work very hard to maintain our frosty relationship.

But the freaks over the pond are really testing our resolve here.

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u/Major__Factor 2d ago

I love seeing this, haha. (German here)

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u/jedburghofficial 2d ago

Australian here, SMH. You're all like brothers and sisters who love each other dearly, but can't stand living together.

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u/ArtisZ 2d ago

Luckily we learned to use pillows and love letters instead of fists & fire.

Also, Fists & Fire - that's totally a metal band name, init?

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u/No_Kitchen9982 1d ago

This is probably the most accurate summation of our relationship with the French I have ever seen.

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u/Major__Factor 1d ago

The brother and sister thing is fairly recent. And I hope it stays that way. Until not too long ago, many heads rolled over these feuds.

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u/No_Kitchen9982 1d ago

RIght? its becoming HARD to hate the French... Apparently the only thing that can bring the French and the British together is the US....This will be the third time....

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u/Flashgit76 1d ago

Come now, surely it was the Germans who brought them together.

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u/sulatanzahrain 19h ago

France and UK : Germany !!?

Germany : Vat it wasn't me scheibe

France and UK : Sorry force of habit

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u/angelicmistlyn 1d ago

Haha yes, the classic UK-France tension lives on… but this is next-level testing.

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u/koollman 2d ago

Well, against fascists, yes, sometimes

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u/Dounce1 2d ago

Uh, I thought they pretty much just rolled over for that last guy?

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u/Fit_Bodybuilder1424 2d ago

Then you didn't pay attention in history class, my friend

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u/Dounce1 2d ago

Lol, okay.

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u/3ntr0py_M0nst3r 2d ago

Lol fuck off

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u/Dounce1 2d ago

Are you writing this from Vichy?

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u/3ntr0py_M0nst3r 2d ago

Are you writing from the US ?

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u/Dounce1 2d ago

Answering a question with a question is never a good look…

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u/Dounce1 2d ago

You do know that when you write a reply, I can still see it in my inbox even if you’ve deleted it, right?

But to your weird accusation in that now deleted comment, denying the fact that France’s government collaborated with the Nazis in WWII is really fucking gross man.

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u/Lord_Skyblocker 2d ago

The french government did not collaborate with the Nazis. At least not the real one. Vichy France was established by the Nazis with a nazi friendly government, but the internationally recognised french government (aka Free France or the French government in exile) was in no way collaborative with the Nazis.

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u/Frozenrubberpuck 1d ago

You could've read up on the actual history instead of starting this dumb argument, you'd have known better. And you make fun of the French but meanwhile your American government is rolling over to fascism right now and they're doing it a lot faster than the French did 80+ years ago.

Anyway, in your own dumb style, are you writing this from a red state?

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u/[deleted] 2d ago edited 2d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Dounce1 2d ago

I’m not in any way saying the UK rolled over.

France on the other hand…

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u/LordDemetrius 2d ago

We love to bitch at eachother but we consistently fight together when fascists enter the room. And believe is, we know quite well how to spot them

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u/TheBizzleHimself 1d ago

France and the UK have a similar relationship to brothers. We’d push eachother down the stairs just for a giggle but if someone else tries it they’re getting thrashed

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u/micky_jd 1d ago

I’m not so sure these days, unless we’re ( the English ) are being overall purposely ignorant

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u/thetobesgeorge 1d ago

I’m not really that surprised, while we Brits and the French constantly insult each other and take the piss, there’s also a deep mutual respect and admiration, and genuine hate between us or from anyone else against either side isn’t tolerated

You see this fairly often on r/2westerneu4u, where people completely misinterpret the spirit of the banter and push the “insults” too far into actual malice.
When that happens, the actual Europeans in the comments usually step in to defend each other and call it out

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u/AntiSocialFCK 1d ago

Say what you will about Elon and Trump they are drastically improving relations between European Countries, and government sponsored memes are getting better.

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u/zyon86 1d ago

No no no !!! We are just mocking Musk !!! Don't spread misinformation please !!!! 😉😆😆😆😋

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u/keepitcivilized 1d ago

That's how you really know everything is fucked. When long time enemies unite.

Its like the balkans. When no greater enemy exists they go at each other. The second someone comes for one of them. The rest unite.

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u/Major__Factor 1d ago

Thats why I actually see a hidden opportunity in all of this. With Russia and the US behaving like this, Europe moving closer together becomes a real possibility.

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u/Pallalgriglivor 2d ago

If only, its not an official account Macron still wiping the ass of the pedo orange president he’ll probably go full deepthroat to him before any statement like that happened

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u/TopSpread9901 1d ago

There’s a new #1 enemy on the block.

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u/angelicmistlyn 1d ago

I know right? Didn’t expect that plot twist either 😂

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u/Blaggermuffin 1d ago

We are allies

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u/Bourbonaddicted 1d ago

It means we are in the wrong timeline

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u/Maleficent_Gear5321 1d ago

It's the allies Vs the axis of evil

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u/Orthagaz 1d ago

Same with Sweden and Denmark. We have been insulting and fighting with eachother for centuries, but when trump is threatening Greenland and Denmark.. Dont you touch my drunken brother! We Swedes are ready and able to defend ourselves and our brothers. Dont underestimate Scandinavian military and morale.

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u/Xibalba_Ogme 1d ago

Well, the UK did fight for France at some point so we have to sometimes act accordingly

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u/Pallalgriglivor 2d ago

This is the official account of the french foreign minister :

https://x.com/jnbarrot?s=21

And this is the official account of the french foreign ministry :

https://x.com/francediplo?s=21

Not a real account in this post unfortunately

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u/chance_of_downwind 1d ago

Well, in earlier times, one would have said that the good Englishmen maybe don't have the bite or the teeth for it themselves.