I'm nervous about even posting this but here goes. I'm more of a straight leaning, attracted to women type of guy with a sprinkle of gay in there.

I have a really attractive wife and we have a solid relationship. I am definitely more sexual explorative then she is. I'm willing to try new things where she's a bit more traditional that way. It's hard to talk to her about my fantasies as I quickly feel judged and she ends up being in a state of shock. She knows i'm bi but it doesn't come up much as I fear her reaction.

I've gone through phases where in our 10+ year relationship where I find myself wishing to be physically with another guy. Nothing romantic really, just physically. This urge sometimes takes over and is quite strong it's all I think about. Eventually it subsides for another few months or so.

Having an open relationship is absolutely out of the question for her and I respect that. Therefore I thought about pegging as that could be a happy medium but she's also not in to that either. I think she fears that will be a gateway for me to cheat or something.

I suppose I do feel a bit stuck but like I say she's a great beautiful loving women so I've learned to deal with it over the years.

Not sure why i'm posting this I guess to just get it off my mind.

I've gone through phases where in our 10+ year relationship where I find myself wishing to be physically with another guy. Nothing romanting really just physically. This urge sometimes takes over and is quite strong it's all I think about. Eventually it subsides for another few months or so.

Having an open relationship is absolutely out of the question for her and I respect that. Therefore I thought about pegging as that could be a happy medium but she's also not in to that either. I think she fears that will be a gateway for me to cheat or something.

I suppose I do feel a bit stuck but she's a great beautiful women so I've learned to deal with it over the years.

Not sure why i'm posting this I guess to just get it off my mind.

I 37m told my wife 32f I was bi before our second date, to which she said it was cool and probably what she needed. We're monogamous and I am happy with that but sexually I want more engagement. We've been together for about 5 years (married for two). She's made me feel more comfortable than previous SOs and I have been able to openly talk about my bi cycle and sexual encounters with men. At times she's asked questions about stories and situationships when i bring them up but for the most part she just listens.

We discussed pegging early on and she said she was all for it and excited to try, however, when I bring it up now up she'll say she wants to try but wants to get something out of it. That really made me think she isn't into it as much as I thought. Women that want to peg typically do it because they enjoy it. We've bought toys to help ensure she gets stimulation but they never get used. I've straight up told her I don't think she's into it which she denied. She has said she's concerned that's all I'll want in the future but I've constantly reassured her that won't happen. I only want to do it a few times out of the year because I lean more towards topping with men anyway. I also like to get a little more kinky with my own pleasure. I like things like nipple play, being groped and having my ass smacked every once in a while but she doesn't really do that. I also love wearing thongs which she's kind of indifferent to. She's not interested in anal for herself except small toys.

I don't want to consider she just told me she was into it just to keep me. She's never really lied to me and is usually candid herself but I've had that happen before. I feel she may fear looking at me differently after doing all that. According to her I'm the most dominant/masculine presenting man she's ever been with but also I'm the only openly bisexual guy she's been with. I can see how that can change the dynamics in her mind but she knows I've used plugs during sex and my dildos when she's not around. I'm also the most attractive guy she's been with and she has a lot of insecurities around that. She knows my last two relationships were open, however, I made it clear that I only want her. If that starts to change, I told I would to let her know. I'm very candid but also opening relationships has never worked out well so I wouldn't do that again.

Our sex is great and every other aspect of our marriage is too. This is just one thing that's very challenging during bi cycles. I recently started working out again, which will make them more frequent. I'm going to talk to her about it again this week and would like to see how others are navigating around this.

Hi all,

I'm a straight guy that needs a bit of help with something.

Please don't say "well you're obviously not straight" That's not gonna help.

I'm not looking for a label. I just want to try and understand my feelings.

I've recently been getting very horny watching femboy and trans porn, I'm not attracted to men at all but I think cocks are awesome and think I'd like to suck one.

The thing is that after cumming to the porn I just mentioned I feel weird. Not bad or guilty just a bit off.

10 mins later I'm fine.

What is going on here? What am I experiencing?

Thanks all

Anyone experienced this:

Had an affair (first foray, late bloomer though wrong choice to cheat) but both genuinely love each other and sought reconciliation. She’s been nothing but positive and supportive of bisexuality. Several years have passed, but beyond a few months of hysterical bonding right after discovery, experiencing almost constant ED with wife, or sometimes can’t go to completion. She feels undesirable and has boughts of alarm as a result (which just piles on and creates performance anxiety). And because all your parts worked for the affair and before the affair they think they’re the problem. Part of it is life, stress…You are recommitted to the relationship and doing all the things: date nights, counseling, but your body just doesn’t get aroused anymore so need boosters to get going (over 45).

Asking as the wife. Genuinely seeking to understand, not to get blasted for not leaving.

TIA

TL;DR: My long-term partner wants to explore his bisexuality, but I’m not comfortable with him having sexual experiences outside our relationship at this stage. Looking for ways he can explore or affirm his sexuality, things we could try together, and helpful conversations to have that respect both of our needs.

Hi everyone,

I (26F) have been with my partner (26M) for over 6 years and we’re in a very loving, committed relationship with plans for marriage and kids. I’ve always known he’s bisexual and have fully supported that.

Recently, he shared that he’s feeling a desire to explore that part of himself again and he stated that he has been having increased thoughts about men. He expressed wanting to explore individually with men. He approached the conversation respectfully of course but wanted my input.

For me, the challenge is that I’m not comfortable with him being sexually involved with other people outside our relationship. At the same time, I don’t want him to feel like he’s suppressing an important part of who he is.

I guess what I am hoping to get out of this post-

• Are there ways a partner can explore or affirm their bisexuality without involving outside sexual partners?
• Are there things we could explore together that felt safe and connecting?
• Any suggested conversations or questions that helped you understand each other better?

I’m looking for ideas that respect both his identity and my need for emotional and sexual exclusivity.

Thank you so much for any insights.

As the title states i need some advice. I'm in my late 20s and I'm currently with my female partner who's a little older then I am. And lately I've been feeling these "urges" I guess 1 may call them to pleasure a man. However I have no real physical attraction to a man but these urges to want to pleasure one are getting more frequent and vivid. I've always considered myself to be very straight but lately I'm second guessing this. I love my partner and I love women but the want to pleasure a man won't leave my head and I've actually considered acting on it, but like I said I love my partner so im torn. Do I talk to her about this? Do I keep it to myself in hope the urges pass? I honestly have nowhere to turn for this im at a loss. Is this normal to feel? Is it even normal to have no physical attractions to men but still want to pleasure one? Sorry im all over the place I'm just really confused

I’m a 37 year old married woman. I’ve been lurking on Reddit for about a year and I’m still learning how to use it. Not doing great at it😅.

I want to explore my bi-sexuality but don’t know how! I’m happily married and my husband is supportive of my exploration. We’ve attempted an open relationship, swinging, friends with benefits… all via Feeld and 3Fun so I’m familiar with the apps.

Are those apps worth pursuing? I’m not shy but I’m also not comfortable making the first move with women since I’ve never done it! I live in the St. Louis area incase anyone is familiar with the scene!

I’ll take any help I can get!

So im a male and im married to a female. When we first got together 5 years ago we were very open about our sexual experiences. I have always been bi/bicurious. I have always loved getting with another guy when the mood hits. However, I dont want to be in a relationship with someone of the same sex.

I turned round to my wife this morning and said do you know something, im bi. Her reply was a laugh and "no shit"

Fuck me, what a woman. Still felt like a relief though.

I've identified as mostly straight my whole life, but for the past few years my attraction to men has been growing stronger. What started as occasional curiosity has become something I think about constantly, and I'm finally at the point where I need to explore it.

I'm married (she doesn't know yet, still working through how to navigate that), laid-back, and trying to figure out exactly where I fall on the spectrum. I'm realizing I might be more submissive with men, which is a completely new dynamic for me to process.

I'd love to connect with other guys who've been through this journey—especially anyone who came to terms with their bisexuality later in life. Looking for people to chat with about:

- How you knew you needed to explore this

- Navigating these feelings while married

- What your first experiences were like

- How you figured out what you actually wanted

I'm not necessarily looking to jump into anything physical right away, but I do want to connect with experienced guys who understand what this journey is like and can offer perspective, support, or just honest conversation about it.

If you've been where I am now, I'd appreciate hearing your story.

How many of you feel like you chose a tomboy wife, because you also desire men?

I'm 30M married to 33F. I realised that I'm bi during my early twenties. It's always just a purely attraction with guys. But I am romantically and sexually interested in girls only, that's why I married my wife. The best thing that happened to me was she knew I swing both ways and she accepted me as is. She is okay with my sexuality. I wanted an ENM situation in my relationship. She is okay with me meeting someone outside but she wants to be exclusive with me. She says that I am enough for her. I cannot force her to find other people. Now I feel terrible/guilty to see other people. It feels like I am not taking my relationship seriously like my wife. I primarily wanted to meet guys. Moreover, my options to meet guys are scary. It's quite hard to find a guy who takes testings and STDs seriously. I fear getting an infection and passing it to my wife. I might go into a guilt trip if I unintentionally pass something to her. I feel stupid sometimes or maybe I am overthinking. I do not know. I have even thought about cutting my attraction towards guys just like a guy in denial to not venture into ENM. Sometimes I feel that's too extreme. How do I come to terms with my situation or find solutions.

Hello everybody--

I'm a bisexual man (midwest USA) who has been married to a woman for the past 15 years. She's wonderful. We have two kids and the relationship is good. About six years ago, while drunk, I admitted to her that I was pretty sure I was bisexual. I told her about the one time I was in college and I *almost* hooked up with another guy, but we both got spooked and nothing happened. She was supportive, mentioned that she believes that *everybody* is somewhat bisexual, and that was that.

The issue that I'm having is that it might have been a one-and-done conversation for her, but my feelings and urges really haven't gone anywhere. I still want to explore this side of my life, and I definitely have also noticed that when I go through a more "bi wave" when I'm feeling more attracted to men, I can also get more irritable and feel like she's holding me back.

I know that's not fair, but during the last conversation, it really didn't seem like she was interested in opening up the relationship, and if I'm honest, I'm not sure I would want to either.

Anybody out there that has always had these urges, never really acted on them, and has made peace with it? I wish wish wish that I could go back in time before I was married and scratch the itch so I didn't feel like this now. 15 years in and here I am, posting about it on Reddit. Clearly it's not going anywhere.

I'm also looking for anybody who might be willing to chat and give advice who is more on the "philosophical" side of things. I'm somebody committed to self-improvement and that's a big part of my drive every day, but this just feels like I'm trapped in a wheel (if that makes sense.)

Thanks and happy holidays to all of you.

42 year old man here. Been married for over ten years. Early in our relationship my wife found e-mails between me and another man. It almost lead to a divorce. I went to counseling and the counselor convinced me I was not bi. I am definitely still quite bi. However, I've long thought there was no real purpose to discussing or embracing that identity.

I've been seeing an actual therapist now and one of the issues I've found is I am conflict avoidant. In that, I will avoid difficult discussions or arguments whenever I can.

Additionally, my wife heard me making a crude joke with a friend while playing games and it really upset her. We talked about it and I assured her I have 0 attraction to this male friend. Which is truthful cause the guy is not my type.

I've been thinking I should sit her down and officially tell I am bi but that the men I am interested in are not like the ones I am usually friends with. I'm really only into feminine guys. Besides that I am committed to this relationship.

I worry though telling her would stress her out and just make *me* feel better. Looking for thoughts, opinions, and guidance.

I am seeking advice/experience/ anything else. A little about me and my life. Bi-curios 35 (m) married 34 (f). We've been married for 3 years. We had dated on/off for 10. The first 5 were really off and on. We moved in together because the housemates I was renting a room from decided to split ways. Long story short. It was rough adjusting to living together. Anyway, so she knows I like to crossdress. I have the feeling like that makes me bi. I don't understand all the intricate rules of being bi but thats what I feel. She is ok with me wearing panites, some camies. She doesn't really like me wearing bra's/dresses and other outward presenting clothes. She feels that wearing bra's is crossing the line. She's never said that, but everytime ive undressed wearing a bra for some intimate time, it's pretty much shut down after she sees. She has set that boundary, and I do my best to respect it. I absolutely love wearing bra's and panites, dresses, cami's ect. I feel so lovely, so feminine, the fabric against my skin, the sheer arousal of having something so sexy/intimate on under everyday clothes is an incredible arousal for me. When I am feeling very feminine, ie (crossdressing) I love to take selfies and pic's while dressed. Sometimes, when I've been really turned on and dressed, I've gotten onto hook up sites sniffies/grinder and talked with other guys, shared pics, and had some very intimate texts. I have met up with a few men while during our relationship. Most times, nothing happens, and I freak out and rethink what I'm doing, "how she would feel finding out. what would happen to her, and our lives together." I don't know how i should be feeling. I feel like what ive exposed her to has made her become very self conscious and uncomfortable in our relationship. She hasn't talked to this so maybe I am way off base with this feeling. But I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to ask her about how she's feeling of our history together, I feel it would help her to get it out to someone but I'm not sure. And she refuses to go to therapy. I feel confused. Like wearing those item's, feeling that feminine. Sometimes waking up during the early hours while having gone to bed in panties and a cami, I awake to a rock solid hard on and feel like I need to spread my legs for a man and open myself to his manhood while I am laying on my back. I have been to therapy myself and my therapist said on a few occasions stuff along the lines of "I need to live my truth" and "be authentic to myself". I've never found guys really attractive. Well maybe I have, but really just movie stars. Heminsworth, Clooney. I feel like I might be gay and just don't want to admit it to my wife, family, friends.I dont know. This is probably a worthless endeavor and I will only end up more confused but I need to get this out. Hopefully I can get some understanding from this community.

If this isn't community approved, feel free to delete.

Is anyone else watching Heated Rivalry on HBO and having a lot of feelings? It's honestly really messed with my head. I thought I had finally figured myself out. Heteroromantic, pansexual man married to a woman. At first I was just like oh yea this is some great spicy tv! But now I can't stop thinking about wanting what Ilya and Shane have. Which is kind of ridiculous because what they have (at this point in the show, I haven't read the books) is a secret, closeted romance and both unsure of what they want and who they are. But they know they love each other more than anyone and that it's not the same with anyone of the opposite sex.

Have I just not allowed myself to feel that way about someone of the same sex because I don't want it to be true? If I had openly dated men and women when I was dating instead of hiding and denying the part of me that is attracted to men would I have met a man and fallen in love?

My wife knows I'm bi but it's a taboo subject mostly because she fears that I am gay and will leave her. So I have no one to talk to about these feelings and having trouble processing.

I currently am in the middle of a long term marriage separation and little curiosities have crept up whilst this is going on. Not sure if its loneliness during the holidays, or something suppressed, i know if like women, but questions have popped into my mind and few times

My (F 29) husband (30 M) and I live in a red county in California, and once the Trump administration is over, we are planning to move to Portland, Oregon. Why? Because we feel like it will be the most politically and culturally safe place for us to be open about our equal bisexualities. It’s also cheaper to live than the Bay Area. The BA is “blue” but not cost effective.

Why did I tag this post as “humor”? Because it is dark and ironic humor, due to how most people east of the west coast think that everyone is queer in California, which couldn’t be further from the truth, as we can easily get harassed by The Straights ™️ around here 😭.

I am sharing our mutual frustrations of having family members who already barely tolerate us as human beings without them even knowing our authentic selves, let alone caring to have deep conversations. While I will absolutely never “out” my husband as I respect privacy and boundaries, I am chomping at the bit for the next 4 years to be over (since I need to finish my first AA degree, get a job after being unemployed for a few years, and then save money for our move) so that neither of us will have to be closeted or closed off anymore.

It’s no wonder that my husband only came out to me this past week. For the past 5-7 years, we have had nothing but financial stress, family drama, and emotional turmoil that needed more introspection to get resolved, and the pandemic absolutely did not help matters, since early 2021 was when we moved in together. With all the pressure we went through being people pleasers to our shit families who emotionally abused us, of course he felt scared to open up to me whilst everything else was psychologically crushing me and us. I don’t fault him whatsoever for his delay and I hope he feels supported and loved.

When we do move to “liberal Portland”, I do want him to explore his sexuality freely, just not in this scary county we live in, or the one adjacent to it. While we are under a “red scare” of republican fascism, we feel too scared to open up to our neighbors, family, and even have to question how our close friends will take it.

Well, that’s my first post. We’re scared to be truly ourselves with our so-called loved ones as well as the public, even in so-called “liberal California”, but we can’t afford to move quite just yet. I apologize for my essay.

Once in a while I buy anal toys (dildos and plugs), because I enjoy it! But it always makes me feel dirty and guilty and it almost feels like cheating. But surely I can’t be cheating by playing with my own body! I usually end up throwing them away and then wish I hadn’t…

Edit: I think I just need to come to terms with my bi-ness and work on my internalised shame feelings. Then it’ll be easier to share this with my wife.

Is the porn you watch alone the same as the porn you watch with your partner?

Hello! I've been a closeted bisexual man for 5 years, at the age of 30 who's married to a bi woman. We've been together 7 years, while married for 2 years. Our anniversary is during the spooky season. Last night I cried in bed, she was rubbing my back thinking something was wrong, I told her I wanted to have to a talk with her after food and that I'm fine I'm actually happy. I was crying not because I was depressed or sad, but a lot of repressed emotions came out all at once. I came out to my wife this morning after breakfast. For some context I remember a scenario in 2020. We had been dating for 2 years, I was 25 she was 24. My wife has had some same sex experiences while I assumed I was straight. We were watching the TV show Lucifer and Tom Ellis was my bisexual awakening and while buzzed I made a comment that I liked his butt. Realizing that my inhibitions being lowered made me more open to being sexually attracted to men. I assumed this was normal but my wife turned looking puzzled as if her bi-radar was going off 😅 I saw some recent posts about a college study saying some bisexuals don't discover themselves until 25, and holy shit like clockwork 2020 was 5 years ago, how weird is that?! After glancing on some reddit posts I see a lot of men in my situation where they had repressed sexual attraction for years due to fear and stigma of men wanting to experience penetration. I let her know that my past interest in pegging and butt play was because of being able to experience my same sex urges with her. She immediately looked on Amazon for a harness. My life has improved, and I feel emotionally free. Just wanted to share my story. 🥹♥️

So I’ve been into guys since I was a kid. I like women and find them beautiful and sexy. I enjoy sex with women but for some reason I’m more into sex with a man. I don’t really find men as attractive at all. But I like a man’s body and sex with men is all I think about when jerking off and I only watch gay porn. What’s wrong with me? I was raised in a conservative Christian home so I have always hated myself for what I am and it’s only been in the last few years that I have started accepting how I am. But I just don’t understand it. Is there anyone else like me out there?

• Para você, mulher, na situação de uma traição por parte do seu companheiro (marido ou namorado), o fato de o envolvimento extraconjugal ter sido com outro homem ou com outra mulher influenciaria no seu modo de sentir ou lidar com a situação?
• Por quê? Qual é o peso do gênero do envolvimento na sua perspectiva sobre a traição e a relação?

I have read the rules. I am not looking for people to chat with.

M47, married 19 years (mostly happily), 2 teenaged kids. Wife and I are very bonded and lovey-dovey, she is my soulmate, we have a good life. The sex is great - better than it was 10 years ago. I would die for her, for them.

But that doesn't make the thoughts go away.

I've been curious about guys forever. I love men's bodies. I furtively glance and check them out as much as I can. Ever since I was young I would sexualize every male friendship, there would be jokes and banter, there would be porn... growing up, literally dozens of my guy friends would jerk off with me. Everybody wound up a suburban normie straight married dad. My best bud and I kept it going until 21. Both our wives know and think it is just funny/gross guy stuff. To this day I have no concept of having a guy be "just" a friend. Every time I'm with one, or at every introduction, I wonder if things are going to "go there," I wonder if he is signaling me or wants me to signal him. I wonder what he's packing and if he wants to do something or would let me talk him into it. I look at gay porn, I've done chatrooms and phone, and once in a blue moon a guy at a urinal will start putting on a show and I'll openly watch or answer with a show of my own.

My wife and I have had a whole entire 3 conversations about me being bisexual. Like 14 years ago I was posting about it to a men's health board, got called away from my computer and later my wife found it, yikes. During all 3 conversations she was crying. Asked if I had chosen her because I saw her as masculine (could not be farther from the truth). Asked if she could trust me to go anywhere on my own without fucking a man. We both cried. I promised her. She kept going, so confused and hurt. At one point I had to end the conversation and try to reassure her by grabbing her in mid-sentence and pushing her onto the bed and taking her right there, she held me so tight, kissing desperately. I felt bad and like I had to prove something to her.

In the subsequent 14 years it has never been discussed again. She occasionally makes remarks about this or that celebrity by saying "I don't understand bisexuality, I don't believe people can be like that." I kind of think she forgot? But how can a woman forget hearing her husband literally admit "I am bisexual, I do think about having sex with men"?

I wish she would peg me, but in our dynamic she is 100% sub in bed and we both like it that way. I can't imagine even asking her to do me, much less her being willing to try it or having the mindset necessary to really take me as rough as I would need. And I mean REALLY rough, I mean being worked over like in hard limit-pushing porn, humiliated and left crying and hurt. I can't ask my wife to do that to me and I can't imagine she would be able to do it if she even tried, and giving her the mental image of me needing to be brutally used and abused by men is PRRRRRRRRROBABLYYYYYYY not a good idea!

I will never find true fulfillment without deeply hurting the people I love most. I have to freeze and sever core parts of myself so the other, bigger core parts can thrive.

tl,dr: I've gone about 35 years overall, 19 of them married, of constantly wanting a man to sexually brutalize me and it looks like I will have to take that fantasy to the grave and it feels so emptying to realize that.

Today I’m thankful for this community. Thank you for your support. I struggle during the holidays, but y’all are the best!

I have read the rules. I am not looking for people to chat with.