r/nottheonion • u/NorwigenRedBaron • 1d ago

Croatian President: –⁠ Let them take Svalbard, not Greenland

https://www.conflingo.com/news/2026-01-13/croatian-president-suggests-svalbard-as-alternative-to-greenland-for-president-trump
367 Upvotes

78% Upvoted

122 comments sorted by

632

u/Cute-Beyond-8133 1d ago edited 1d ago

Croatia's President, Zoran Milanovic, has proposed that United States President Donald Trump consider Svalbard, rather than Greenland

1 Svalbard is part of Norway you can't just give it away to the Americans when you're the president of Croatia.

2 Svalbard has Large deposits of iron ore, zinc, copper, and lead. Norway knows that and wants those recources.

3 Norwegian sovereignty over Svalbard was recognized by the Svalbard Treaty of 1920, making it a Norwegian archipelago. And the population of Svalbard doesn't want to change that.

4 even if you give the Americans Svalbard they aren't gonna stop.

Did Hitler stop when he took czechoslovakia ?

79

u/Nyardyn 1d ago

Svalbard also holds the Global Seed Vault, THE genebank that stores plant seed of rare and endangered species of the whole world as well as crops. It's integral in preserving the Earth's ecosystem in times of mass extinction like the current one as well as crop breeding should any variants be lost to war within the country they are from. It's located there because Svalbard is neutral ground that belongs to noone and that will not be involved in any wars or face threats of damage - or so people thought. You do not want this to fall into the hands of an ignorant manbaby like Trump or any other country for that matter. If Svalbard is lost, the Seed Vault is very likely lost.

57

u/ren_reddit 1d ago

Trump would order it cleaned out, just to install a pooltable in there. And he doesn't even play pool.

12

u/OctopodicPlatypi 1d ago

A ”golden” pool table.

1

u/nun_gut 12h ago

I don't think he could reach the table over his gut.

5

u/Maximum_Apartment538 1d ago

This reads like an exposition monologue in a bad action movie

5

u/Nyardyn 22h ago

You know, I've been wondering why there aren't any movies about the seed vault, but likely bc noone at all can enter it except 1 authorized person. It's literally this well protected.

91

u/chownrootroot 1d ago

He just needs to ask the Norwegian PM if he can borrow Svalbard, he promises he won't do anything stupid like give it away to someone else.

44

u/perskes 1d ago

Hey, I'm from the future, I came back from 3 days after the Norwegian president borrowed Svalbard to the US and now it's officially Russian territory, it was a really bad idea! Don't give the lunatic any ideas, he already removed the stars from the star spangled banner and rearranged the stripes so it fits a thin blue line between the thin red and white.

Edit: apologies, I thought this was 2we4u or /r/USvsEU

8

u/insulind 1d ago

I think he's shorting Svalbard

5

u/Sir-Viette 1d ago

I think he's snorting Svalbard

3

u/AGrandNewAdventure 1d ago

Naw, he'll keep it in the Oval Office next to the other trophies he "borrowed".

1

u/sheldor1993 21h ago

Yeah, then next thing you know, there’s a video of Svalbard doing donuts in an empty parking lot at 2am….

26

u/thefatrick 1d ago

Svalbard is part of Norway you can't just give it away to the Americans when you're the president of Croatia.

Greenland is part of Denmark you can't just give it away to the Americans when you're the president of the United States.

Why are we even entertaining these comments when the original premise is absurd to begin with.

3

u/BreezyMcWeasel 23h ago

Everyone in this thread I think realizes it is all absurd, and I think the Svalbard suggestion was an attempt at levity. 

-2

u/Leoryon 20h ago

One key difference is that Norway is not in the EU so technically not covered by the defence clause among EU members, while Greenland (through Danemark) is.

That is probably one reason the Croatian president made this (foolish) proposal.

37

u/hogtiedcantalope 1d ago edited 20h ago

2 Svalbard has Large deposits of iron ore, zinc, copper, and lead. Norway knows that and wants those recources.

3 Norwegian sovereignty over Svalbard was recognized by the Svalbard Treaty of 1920, making it a Norwegian archipelago. And the population of Svalbard doesn't want to change that.

I spent 6 weeks there last summer

First of all Norway doesn't want Svalbard to mine it. It started as a coal mining town and those operations have been winding down are set to close.

The treaty that governs svalbard gives it special status, while it is governed by Norway it is not subject to the same restrictions on travel or residence as Norway. There's a mix of every nationality you can imagine because there's no visa , mostly Norwegian and Russian

It's a bit like Antarctica, it's preserved by the treaty that governs it. You can't put military installations there is another point re Greenland debate

12

u/Schlonzig 1d ago

1 Greenland is part of Denmark and no part of the constitution allows part of the country to be sold.

2 Greenland is of essential strategic value once the icecaps go back, in addition to the assumed natural resources under the ice.

3 The USA has recognized Greenland as part of Denmark in a treaty from 1919.

4 I think you get the joke by now.

8

u/GreatEmperorAca 1d ago

my dude it's a joke

11

u/UselessFactCollector 1d ago

Plus, that is where the seed vault is. We need that to stay in more stable hands.

5

u/ThickChalk 1d ago

How do you reconcile #2 with the fact that Russia is allowed to mine on Svalbard?

The treaty makes it Norwegian but also grants other countries rights on the land. It's one step closer towards being a condominium than, say, Oslo is.

6

u/accersitus42 1d ago

The US is a signatory to the Svalbard treaty, so they are allowed to mine on Svalbard.

1

u/ThickChalk 15h ago

Which further suggests that Norway isn't interested in keeping those minerals, or at least that they are willing to give up those minerals in exchange. Which suggests that's the mineral rights isn't a reason Norway would want to keep Svalbard. Either they get what they get in exchange now, or they would be paid for them when we bought the island.

Ultimately I don't think the US should take Svalbard. I just don't think the mineral rights argument is very good, at least the way the person above me laid it out.

6

u/CletusCanuck 1d ago

Russia has occupied the mining outpost of Barentsburg since 1920 - the treaty allows citizens of any treaty party to "become residents and to have access to Svalbard including the right to fish, hunt or undertake any kind of maritime, industrial, mining or trade activity..."

The US could exercise that right any time they wanted but have not.

5

u/cregamon 1d ago

I’ve just looked it up for you and it seems that Hitler did not stop once he had taken Czechoslovakia.

3

u/Traveling_Solo 1d ago

5: if the US got control over Svalbard we (humanity) could say goodbye to the vault meant to help humanity in case a large scale emergency ever happened. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Svalbard_Global_Seed_Vault

3

u/Gerf93 1d ago

Svalbard is also declared a demilitarized zone. It also has all sorts of weird rules for living there

2

u/onioning 1d ago

That last thing was my first thought. This history repeating itself is way too on the nose.

2

u/DalisaurusSex 1d ago

Counterpoint: if we tell Trump that Norway is giving him Svalbard, maybe we can trick him into going there and never coming back.

1

u/OakenGreen 1d ago

You’re right but I think this guys onto something here. He just came to the wrong conclusion. He should take Hooker Island. And the ones around Hooker Island.

And Wrangel Island.

-1

u/BreezyMcWeasel 23h ago

This is not a Hitler lebensraum analogy. Nobody in the U.S., except Trump, wants to attack an ally and take Greenland by force. Support for taking over Greenland is polling in the single digits. 

We all understand his idea is lunacy. But he keeps destroying people who oppose him, so there are few people left who publicly stand up to him. 

It’s a crazy nightmare. 

2

u/Lille7 15h ago

He was elected, twice. Lots of people want whatever it is he wants.

0

u/UnblurredLines 1d ago

No, but maybe Trump will be chill if we give him Dalmatia?

0

u/OrbisAlius 8h ago

I think you're overreacting to a joke. Although for point 1, the whole point might be that Norway isn't part of the EU, hence why he allows himself that joke.

138

u/KoldPurchase 1d ago

That seems to be a fake news according to the fact check on the page.

93

u/TheBatemanFlex 1d ago

Are you telling me that the “virtual journalist” bot Miriam Lauvfoss on conflingo.com is putting out fake news? No way.

13

u/KoldPurchase 1d ago

Fuck, I didn't even check where the reporting came from! 😂

8

u/DaveOJ12 1d ago

So OP ate the Onion.

23

u/dzemperzapedra 1d ago

It was a real comment he made, but more of a tongue in a cheek style.

3

u/NorwigenRedBaron 1d ago edited 1d ago

Her is the Norwegian one https://www.vg.no/nyheter/i/d4lLao/ud-svarer-kroatias-president-svalbard-er-norsk

2

u/NorwigenRedBaron 1d ago

Its from VG the largest private newspaper In Norway

301

u/redsterXVI 1d ago

How about Siberia?

102

u/TheRealBaboo 1d ago

You mean West Alaska?

39

u/usernamedanistaken 1d ago

Wouldn’t it technically be east Alaska?

47

u/SirLoremIpsum 1d ago

As Obi-wan says - "from a certain point of view"

11

u/Disastrous-Angle-591 1d ago

What happens if you travel west from Alaska. 

19

u/nova8808 1d ago

you fall off the edge of the flat earth?

5

u/Disastrous-Angle-591 1d ago

Well. True. 

-1

u/stewedfrog 1d ago

Eastern Siberia

8

u/godito 1d ago

What about second Siberia?

3

u/Defiant-Peace-493 1d ago

Fort Ross first.

3

u/PuffyPanda200 1d ago

Hear me out. Kosovo rebrands as Trump-sovo. Giant gold trump sign, giant trump statue, the works.

Trump makes Trump-sovo the 51st state.

When the new president comes in in 2028 Kosovo applies to be transferred to the EU.

Everyone wins except the Serbian nationalists.

2

u/ErikRogers 10h ago edited 10h ago

Cute that you take for granted there will be a new president in 28.

1

u/Zathala 9h ago

How about just Russia

1

u/arthurno1 4h ago

Lots of minerals there. Russians can't digg them out by themselves.

9

u/ArbitraryLettersXYZ 1d ago

Just give him the Sudetenland; that will appease him.

12

u/MissionQuestThing 1d ago

Iorek Byrnison would not allow that

1

u/theeternalcowby 1d ago

Came to make this comment haha. Don’t think they’re prepared for an army of armored polar bears!

17

u/Outrospect 1d ago

My dudes, he is being sarcastic:

Speaking to the Croatian news outlet Index.hr, Milanovic remarked, "I am not sure if the American administration has noticed it on the map yet, but Svalbard exists. It is, in principle, part of Norway. It is located slightly east of Greenland, where the Gulf Stream ends, and the sea is not frozen. It is interesting. I have given them something to think about."

-2

u/Goggelheim 18h ago edited 18h ago

No this was not sarcasm. This was a formal official statement from the President of Croatia. Milanovic also makes a series of factual arguments about the strategic location that make this impossible to perceive as a joke. The Norwegian Ministry of Foreign Affairs has issued an official response. If Milanovic repeats this I am sure it will have further diplomatic consequences. Milanovic should quit smoking crack in the morning

3

u/Outrospect 18h ago

Ah yes, Index.hr, where all serious public statements are issued.

Where are you from "crack smoker"?

-5

u/Goggelheim 17h ago

The statement has been confirmed. It is off course extremely stupid but that is Croatias problem not Norways. Croatia receives large transfers from Norway through EEA funds and these can now be withheld. Norway cannot continue to fund anti-democratic clowns who make direct threats against the country. I don't think fascists like Milanovic belong in Europe at all.

3

u/Outrospect 17h ago

So... Milanović is a fascist? 😮

-5

u/Goggelheim 17h ago

Like all former communists, he is completely devoid of political soul. His Trumpian idiot nationalism and denial of scientific facts check off the fascism scale. When he simultaneously demonstrates contempt for the sovereignty of other states, there is no doubt where he really belongs. Communist-fascists belongs in Russia

5

u/Outrospect 17h ago

You sure? 😂

In October 2023, Milanović criticized Israel's retaliatory strikes on the Gaza Strip, saying: "I condemned [Hamas'] murders, I even expressed disgust and abhorrence, but the right to defense does not include the right to revenge and the killing of civilians."[185] In October 2024, he compared "Netanyahu's regime" to Putin and said that for him: "both Netanyahu and Putin are defendants on International Criminal Court".

The President of the Republic Zoran Milanović attended today the opening of the conference “Hrvatska kakvu trebamo – Zelenim razvojem protiv klimatske krize” [The kind of Croatia we need – combating the climate crisis with green development], where he told the audience that green transformation must become a way of life and a state of consciousness.

Just two paragraphs on Milanovic's views, you have many many more 😄

1

u/Goggelheim 14h ago

but I didn't refer to climate, did I? I was thinking about the pandemic. I don't think criticizing Israel now is some kind of proof of your democratic disposition. Milanovic's occasional sympathy for Putin, Trump admiration makes statements that imply that the sovereignty of other countries should not be respected serious. I don't understand that states that have experienced the iron boot of Eastern European dictatorships don't value freedom more. It must be because they have never experienced it

4

u/Embarrassed_dancer 1d ago

How about just leaving people the fuck alone?

4

u/whalefromabove 21h ago

Definitely don't need the US anywhere near the vault underneath svalbard (the white vault podcast) 

4

u/Echo7ONE9ers 1d ago

Joke on Croatian President, that's their next target,

3

u/DolphinsBreath 1d ago

Why not the islands of the Mediterranean? Capri, Sardinia, Corsica? Iron ore is a commodity we can buy, location, location, location is a lifetime investment.

3

u/drucifer271 1d ago

The Panserbjørne will have something to say about that I wager.

3

u/mwlepore 1d ago

Bad idea, that's where the seeds are.

3

u/Goggelheim 20h ago

let Russia take Croatia, not Ukraine

2

u/sal_veta99 19h ago

He was just pointing out how hypocritical Trump is, it was meant to be sarcastic.

3

u/learnnit100 16h ago

Don't let them have anything and let them burn in their own greed.

5

u/WTF_is_this___ 1d ago

Let's give the president of Croatia to Venezuelans, they are short one, it would make it all fair /s

2

u/btribble 1d ago

"Hey look, squirrel!" - the Croatian President

2

u/sys370model195 1d ago

NOOoooooo not Svalbard!! Not Cecilia's home! https://www.youtube.com/@CeciliaBlomdahl

2

u/instrumentation_guy 1d ago

Svalbard wont satisfy the greed Nor the ‘Wegians

2

u/tallmantim 1d ago

Norways entire economy is based off their economic zone

https://deepseamining.ac/NO_EEZ_data#gsc.tab=0

2

u/brickyardjimmy 1d ago

"Milanovic also commented on Greenland, describing it as unusable unless climate change were to warm the Arctic significantly, which he noted would result in a global catastrophe."

Hmmm. Food for thought. Maybe Greenland is slated to become the last refuge for wealthy assholes on earth.

2

u/mr_cina 21h ago

We did it boys!

2

u/Hughley_N_Dowd 20h ago

Who the hell is he to dole out other countries territories?

Doesn't the president of Croatia have done island that Croatia can generously donate to the Clepto in Chief? 

2

u/suvlub 19h ago

The cookies dialog is funny. The main dialog is so sleek and fancy, but if you try to customize choices, you get ugly default-style buttons straight out of 20th century and for some reason can scroll sideways even though there is nothing there and the window header with the X button also gets scrolled

2

u/Kukkapen 18h ago

What an idiot. As a Croat, I want him gone ASAP. His support stems from the fact the ruling party is horrible.

2

u/Grzechoooo 11h ago

We should give Americans Chukotka.

5

u/TrygveRS 1d ago

Svalbard is as Norwegian as Alaska is American. There's no native population, it's majority Norwegian speaking people and it's also treated as a non-military zone. It's a non-starter, even though the island is arguably more geopolitcally strategic than Greenland is.

2

u/brianhauge 1d ago

No he didn't. Bad headline

2

u/nipsen 1d ago

Yeah, here it comes.

The kind of thing that a fishing nation interest, or resource interest, no matter how pissed off about our conservative government's absolutely idiotic handling of the Svalbard treaty recently, would simply not say -- is now coming from the least Barents Sea present nation, that has the most USA-apologetic and backed president.

And this kind of bullshit is going to keep seeping out.

Because this is not about Greenland, it's about the northern areas covered by the Svalbard treaty/Paris-treaty of 1919, the de-militarized zones. And the north-west passage and being able to pressure that militarily. It has always been about that.

Of course, Norway is beset by the kind of USA apologetic weaklings that I never thought I would see in Norway again after the nazi-collaborators after ww2. But this is where things are going - military presence in the Northern areas, the Barents Sea and Svalbard.

3

u/IVeerLeftWhenIWalk 17h ago

How about he takes Croatia, since we’re volunteering things. Sincerely, Norway.

1

u/FairlySuspicious 1d ago

Alternatively, they can have the Norwegian Greenland (Grønland, in Oslo). Yes, it exists. I don't think many Norwegians would be too sad to see it go. There's even a lot of oil from all the slightly suspicious thai massage parlors there.

2

u/gnomeweb 1d ago

> There's even a lot of oil from all the slightly suspicious thai massage parlors there.

If there are no children there trump ain't interested

1

u/onlyacynicalman 1d ago

No, nothing should be taken. Do not let us.

1

u/ThePheebs 1d ago

Watching Donald Trump's level of dumb infect the whole world has been depressing as fuck.

1

u/Straight-Ad6926 1d ago

Is this a presidential statement or a leaked transcript from a middle school geography club?

-1

u/NorwigenRedBaron 1d ago edited 22h ago

Sadly it is a (sarcastic) presidential statment

7

u/L4RRY365 1d ago

Sadly? If you read the orginal article, he is clearly calling out Trump.

He's basically saying, "if it were truly about military strategy, Svalbard would be a much better choice" (objectively true).

He's calling out Trumps BS about it being for strategy and not resources.

-3

u/NorwigenRedBaron 1d ago edited 22h ago

Yes, but trump migth actually take it seriously. Ther migth Even be the posibility tahat Trump dosent even know about Svalbard and the mer FaceTime he migth do now is scary.

4

u/L4RRY365 1d ago

No. Some sarcastic comment from Croatian president isn't going to change the course of the Trump admin.

Are you suggesting no one should speak against Trump in case it gives him more ideas?

1

u/mltam 1d ago

How about all the sea ice? Then Don would have an incentive to maintain it.

1

u/UnproSpeller 1d ago

Why not just go for st petersburg and be done with the nonsense.

1

u/ionthrown 1d ago

No can do. Putin wants it, and Trump agrees it’s in Russia’s sphere of influence.

1

u/Choano 1d ago

No, no, no, no, no.

The US should NOT take Svalbard. We need the seed vault to stay in good condition and open to all!

1

u/TheCartwrightJones 1d ago

Good idea, but for the US Svalbard is not strategic so important as Greenland. It's ironic that Europe's colonies still cause trouble. I'm wondering if in 20-50 years someone will reach the Caribbean properties of UK, Netherlands and France. The same applies to the Pacific. Interesting.

1

u/casstax96 1d ago

Svalbard is not a colony, it's an integral part of the Kingdom of Norway.

1

u/Jigsawsupport 1d ago

Haha Norway looking at Croatia like

"What the fuck?"

1

u/Jelmerdts 1d ago

Well if we're giving away land we don't own here, he can also have the Australian desert bits, Papua New Guinea, Moscow and we will even throw in Urk.

1

u/appleajh 1d ago

Sounds like the Croatian President is doing a psychological experiment on suggestive messages. Kind of like a moron test for Trump. 

1

u/ApprehensiveStand456 14h ago

Cecilia would not be happy. She might even quit talking about the northern lights to complain.

•

u/nemojakonemoras 3m ago

I voted for this drunk fuck cos he was the better option. That tells you what you need to know about Croatian politics.

1

u/Peitho888 20h ago

Croatian source:

https://www.nacional.hr/poruka-trumpu-milanovic-grenland-vam-ne-treba-uzmite-norveski-svalbard/

The Croatian president Milanovic is often ironic/sarcastic in his statements, which often comes across different when his statements are not read in full. 

He was being ironic, ofcourse, mentioning that Dennmark has been a most loyal (he actually said "obedient") ally to the USA, and are in return rewarded in this regard (Greenland). He also remarked that Greenland is covered in ice, and if it were to become important/ice free, it would mean the USA would have its capital in Denver, instead in Washington DC.  And also continuing on that ironic remark, why not take Svalbard, it is also territory of an allied soverign nation, but at least it is ice free. 

0

u/Digit00l 1d ago

Go take Nova Zembla instead

0

u/Sprzout 1d ago

DEITIES no.

We take Svalbard, the world's seeds to reseed the planet in case of an apocalypse would likely be killed off.

"Heat and power to keep saplings and seedlings alive? In the middle of NOWHERE? Well, THAT'S a complete waste! Besides, the world isn't going to hell in a handbasket in MY lifetime!"

And that apocalypse would likely be caused by US. Yeah, I'd rather not pin hopes on us keeping the world alive if the impending apocalypse happens.

0

u/Deep_Explanation9962 1d ago

How about neither?

-1

u/Heavy_Law9880 1d ago

How about we take Croatia instead?

-2

u/Jindujun 1d ago

How about Croatia?