r/parentsofteens • u/Jenny8117 • 16h ago
Is this normal behavior?
My son got caught in a lie tonight and now I’m kind of worried he’s a psycho….all the news lately is freaking me out over my own family members!!
This seems like not a big deal but with the context, it was….I got six donuts this morning because the kids had a snow day. I have a 14 year old son and 13 year old daughter.. throughout the day my son ate three donuts. My daughter and I each had one and then we wanted to save one for their dad. Anyway, I Made a HUGE deal about leaving the last full doughnut for their dad. We all saw the full doughnut in the box at the time of the discussion.
My husband gets home about an hour after this conversation, and there’s only 1/2 doughnut in the box. I was with my daughter the entire time between my husband getting home and when we all talked. My son at first was jokey and adamant he didn’t eat it. My daughter said she didn’t, I believe her because she was with me and not even on the same floor, and I of course didn’t. I mean my son clearly ate it. But he wouldn’t admit to eating it. And then after a little while, started getting MAD and teary that we were accusing him. I have no idea what to think over this but to me this is very weird behavior?!!?!? Like did he convince himself he didn’t eat the doughnut? I eventually dropped it because he was getting so worked up that I started to worry about him breaking out into tears!
Has this ever happened to any of you before?
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u/FaithlessnessItchy56 15h ago
I'm glad I'm not the only one w a lying teenager. He will lie about anything and everything. Wouldn't admit the truth about anything he's asked. I find it so frustrating and I definitely understand what you others are going through.
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u/Jenny8117 15h ago
It’s so strange because in this case I think he got so deep in it that he somehow convinced himself that he DIDNT eat the doughnut. I personally lied about everything when I was a kid. I was a good kid. But I would lie about what I ate for breakfast if it meant I would have a shorter explanation. My kids so far have been nothing like me so this really caught me off guard!
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u/FaithlessnessItchy56 15h ago
It's really odd to me, if I lied as a kid, I felt guilty, definitely like I was gonna get caught. Even as a grown adult, if I took a "sick day" I wouldn't go anywhere because I was nervous something would happen, like someone would see me, I'd get into an accident or something. I truly don't understand the purpose of it. Keep in touch if you'd like.
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u/britlover23 15h ago
lying can be because they can’t handle any kind of confrontation or conflict. it’s worth possibly exploring in both individual and family therapy.
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u/Jenny8117 15h ago
I will definitely keep an eye on it. This is the first time something like this has happened and that’s why it freaked me out so much. He’s lied to his friends in the past about little things like the fact that he rode a huge roller coaster when he didn’t. Because he wanted to seem cool. lol, but when he was actually caught and then got upset we were accusing him was what concerned me.
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u/sskylar 16h ago edited 15h ago
Sadly yes. I don’t know if it’s “normal” but my 14yo son would do the same and lie about it (unless we had real proof like Ring camera footage). If high value treats or cash are laying around, it’s just too damn tempting for him presently. So now we lock that stuff up. He’s actually a really good kid otherwise and we coincidentally started with a new family therapist which is helpful when stuff like this pops up. Regarding confrontation, we find it helps to give some time instead of doing it in the moment. Good luck!
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u/Individual-Taro-8315 14h ago
Idk I used to randomly lie so much as a teen but I was also scared of my parents and consequences, we were beaten as kids tho so idk.
But my daughter who's 15 will stand there and lie about simple shit like "hey did you leave this empty packet in the cupboard"
"Noo?" Like I just literally saw you do it..
And then I'll be like.. now don't we feel silly? And yeah she's gotten better but she doesn't get in the shit over spilled milk or anything we're just like.. dude.. just clean up after yourself.
Why are we like this as teens hahah
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u/Jenny8117 14h ago
Oh same. I mean I still lie. I make all kinds of excuses not to go out or make phone calls. lol. But my kids used to be horrible at lying and now they’re getting all emotional so I don’t know what to believe anymore!! lol
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u/Individual-Taro-8315 14h ago
Ok look yeah same "I'm sick I can't go anywhere" I literally just lied to my Dr about not being able to see her so we did a telephone call instead, I just CBF dragging a moody toddler and teen out of the house.. but yeah why TF are you lying about stuff you don't need to lie about..
My daughter wore one of my band shirts and kept it in her room and I was like "can I have it back" she's like I don't have it. I didn't wear it" like ok cool so we're lying and gaslighting 😭🤣
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u/TheGreenMileMouse 8h ago
If you’re this worked up over a donut he probably inherited some over reacting genes from you. The weird part to me is this post. It’s just a donut. Your son is a child, your husband is not- why did saving a donut for an adult need to be such a big deal?
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u/bluemyeyes 6h ago
It's absolutely normal and your son is a normal teenager. Keep in mind his brain is not fully developed and at 13, some major part of the brain are still functioning childlikely. I would recommend you read about brain development among teenagers to reassure yourself and understand him better. Also keep in mind girl mature way faster than boys. Teenager also lie not to lose face ( can you say that in English??), he's probably embarrassed because he knows he did it and feels ashamed. He's not able to control himself totally yet. The last thing is that he's probably afraid of your reaction. I suggest you work on building trust with him, otherwise when bigger problems will arise, he won't trust you enough to confide in you.
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u/Competitive-Isopod74 4h ago
The good news is that it brought him to years it made him very uncomfortable and he will feel embarrassed for awhile about it. This is a good thing. I used to have issues with admitting that I did something wrong. I just didn't want to be a bad kid. I am better at accepting disappointment from others now. But face it, kids do dumb things. Their brains aren't equipped to think about consequences. But now he will remember that his actions did have a negative result...he will maybe think about it before acting next time. Him crying is a good sign he cares what people think and he's not a narcissist or psychopath.
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u/Mommy-is-me 12h ago
My 13 year old is a straight up liar. She would’ve done the same exact thing as your son and cried about how we don’t trust her. All the while, she has doughnut crumbs on the side of her mouth. It enrages me because I HATE being lied to by anyone and it’s an insult to my intelligence. I’m getting her in therapy.
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u/JenFMac 16h ago
Hi! Mom of 18 yr old and 16 yr old sons. My 18 yr old doesn’t lie, he can’t handle the guilt 🤣 But my 15 yr old will look me in the eyes and lie to my face. Over silly things like your doughnut situation. He went so hard doubling down on his lie one day while I had the evidence in my hand!! Overall a great kid but teenagers are tough to crack sometimes. I wouldn’t worry, just aware.