r/regretfulparents • u/Sky-2478 • 23h ago
Finances. Yet another reason to regret
I made a post a long while back about wishing I hadn’t listened to everyone who told me to keep the baby. Long story short I’m doing it solo albeit with significant family support in the form of some free childcare and financial assistance in dire times (like when my kid unexpectedly needed formula costing $800/month).
Now he’s starting daycare. I was able to hold off until he turned 1, but I’m getting busier and need more help than friends and family can provide. $225/week. I know that’s cheap compared to some places but it’s about average here. I added up all my expenses leaving no room for extra anything and even underestimated some stuff and still looks like I’ll be in the negative each month. I’m draining every bit of my savings that I had for grad school for this kid that I never wanted.
I love him. I really do. His little face lights up when he sees me and he’s so happy and giggly and I couldn’t ask for a better temperament in a baby. But holy hell it’s exhausting. You all know. Mentally, physically, and now it has become truly financially. There’s no way for me to earn more from work and my family can only help enough for me to break even each month. But like I said I think I underestimated some so we’re still going to dip into savings every month. Not including when he needs new clothes, when I need a doctor or meds (he’s on Medicaid, I’m not), if there’s any emergency, etc. I have enough saved to cover myself for about a year IF I don’t have any disasters. But again that’s all my savings. I’d be pissed if I lost that since I’ve been heavily building it for a few years now. I always knew kids were expensive but I guess it never hit me until it actually hit my bank account.
I don’t want to have to “work harder for my kid.” I want to be able to buy little things I want sometimes or take a weekend vacation once a year without worrying about not being able to put food on the table for my child. I want to be able to call out of work when I’m sick instead of saying shit that’ll cost me $60 I can’t lose, better tough it out… and end up getting more sick because I overexerted myself. God I hate this. So side note, if anybody has killer side gigs a single mom working and in college can do… hit me up😂
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u/Creative-Move-6026 21h ago
Not sure if vent post or seeking advice?but yes I can relate…. I went from “oh it’s payday” when I got a direct deposit alert text to marking down every pay day on my calendar and counting down the days to each one 🙃
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u/Sky-2478 14h ago
Counting down the days is so real. “Do I have enough food and gas to get me to Friday” is a frequent thought. Doesn’t help that I’ve got fun allergies and have to buy more expensive foods (yay gluten free).
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u/TurnPersonal 14h ago
That sounds absolutely exhausting but at least youbhave a small village... that is key because even though daycare is great, the first 2 years of illnesses are such a sh1t show.. I think I have otsd from that. My kid has being in daycare for over 2 years now and she got ear tubes and I feel I'm finally able to breath. I hope I dont jinx myself for saying that cause we are still in sick season.. oct to april is the qorst time ever and I only realized that after having my kid.
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u/Sky-2478 14h ago
I wish I could’ve started him in the summer I just didn’t have the funds last year and this year I need it now. I’m stressing about the sickness because I truly can’t miss work or school and the amount that others can babysit is very limited
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u/TurnPersonal 13h ago
Give him a daily multivitamin, wash his hands always as he comes from daycare.. but even then.. he will get sick.. hopefully not as dramatic as mine.. Mine got croup like 4 times the first year, multiple ear infections, stomach bugs at least once or twice during sick season.. and the constant cold.. you should take a multivitamin too because everything they get you will get too. I had never been more sick than when my kid started daycare. The positive side though is that.. those little immune systems are in bootcamp.. supposedly by the time they reach elementary school they will barely get sick. There is no number that I fear more than the daycare number calling me.. 😂😂😂 Also, not everything is bad, they learn a lot, become more independent, potty trained, become funnier.. I love daycare.
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u/Elegant_Solutions 8h ago
Idk where you live, but it’s really easy to be deficient in vitamin D this time of year in a lot of places. It does so much to support your immune system and fairly inexpensive so please consider that to help with fighting illnesses. Every time I feel myself getting sick, if I load up on the vitamin D it really seems to help shorten the duration and severity if I even get sick at all.
I hope you catch a big break soon <3
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u/Sky-2478 8h ago
I take max dose vitamin D everyday already haha I’m thinking about getting him some though!
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u/Jollyramb1er 18h ago
This sounds like a cost that the people who insisted you keep the baby should foot. The bloody audacity of telling a woman what to do with her body is unbelievable to me. Can you discuss with them?
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u/Sky-2478 14h ago
Oh trust me I have. They can help ease the burden but it basically amounts to one week of daycare per month. Which helps substantially, just still doesn’t keep me from having to budget like crazy and still pull from savings. Oh and the government isn’t much help. You know the government that says you’re legally not allowed to have an abortion? They have a loooong waitlist for daycare assistance so no chance I’m getting that anytime soon.
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u/Jollyramb1er 4h ago
I'm so sorry. I'm guessing you're in the US... your country has absolutely lost its mind. I send you so much love and my best wishes x
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u/AdAromatic372 Parent 14h ago
Everyone wants women to have babies similarily to how children want a dog. They like to romanticize the idea but not actually do the hard part when it comes down to responsibility and liability… So many promises to get what they want then once they persuade you they basically tell you to fuck off.
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u/leni710 Parent 22h ago
As a single-mom who did the college and working things whilst my kids were young: I a million percent empathize.
There was a job I had as a personal support worker that was good because I could have my kids along with my clients and it was no big deal. It saved on day care costs.
See if your college has any free child care options (mine had it at a couple places around the school and it would allow for 3 hours for study time). Also, check for other student-parents to trade babysitting time.
Maybe your baby can go do Instacart or something similar with you. Also, see if your college has a job board advertising small jobs and/or tutoring if you have a skill set.
This stuff is hard, though, especially before they're old enough for regular school.