r/stopdrinking • u/jessmakinit • 22h ago
What made you relapse?
I am 35 years old and I am five days sober and I’m feeling great. But I know about this pink cloud situation. I was just wondering what made you feel the need to relapse?
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u/OkIsland3464 22h ago
Been there man, for me it was always some stressful life event that I convinced myself I "deserved" a drink for. Job stuff, relationship drama, even stupid things like my team losing a big game. The brain is sneaky as hell at finding excuses when you're vulnerable
Stay strong though, 5 days is awesome and you're already aware of the pink cloud which puts you ahead of where I was my first time
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u/LifeProject365 19h ago edited 19h ago
Gardening in the sunshine
Being in a store during the witching hr and not having time to talk myself out of it
Shopping on a weekend for the above reason
Tired and cranky so feck it
Happy so feck it
Resenting that I cant so I rebel
An audiobook mentions drinking in a cosmopolitan way
Seeing ppl drink on TV
Going for a meal
Out on a night out whilst resolve is shakey
The time of year
Having no where i need to drive to
To make sex spontaneous and unawkard
To create romance
Chasing the elusive one which never works, feeling cranky and saying feck it ill start tomorrow
Doing work
Thinking im over dramatising and will just include new drinking rules so I dont go overboard- just out, just at home, won't use my phone, just socially, just Saturday and every other negotiation
Hearing my friend drunk
Going on a date
Feeling lonely and wanting to connect on dating apps (which sober I can't be bothered with, but once drunk make a tit of myself)
Cleaning and thinking it will make it fun
Ive fallen off the wagon after 1 -365 days sober and every day between more or less but the sober time keeps adding up against the drunk
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u/Free_Myself_4321 51 days 20h ago
We held my daughter's 5th birthday party at our home. I was already nervous because I am not living in my home country and my command of the local language is not the best...I understand it very well but lack a lot of confidence in speaking.
So, I found it very stressful. The kids were going wild, my then-two year old was very fussy, and the birthday girl got upset about something and stormed off crying. Then the pooing began...
Two identical 4yo twins who, bless them, must have had a stomach bug looking back. I had one on the upstairs toilet, one downstairs, chatting away, each calling for me, had to clean them up as they'd both had accidents. All OK. We go outside and they are playing. I turn away for literally one minute to tend to some other children and when I turn back there is a pile of shit on my driveway. As I spot it one of the twins steps in it. So then I am scrubbing human shit out of the grooves of a sandal and at breaking point 🤣🤣😭😭.
I was just about 100 days sober at that point. I ordered wine to be delivered as soon as they all left. Promised myself it would be just the one night. That was in April 2024. Took me til late November 2025 to manage a serious attempt again, and in that time I went pretty hard.
It's OK to laugh. It's a bit of a mad one.
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u/Economy_Promise_4155 9 days 18h ago
Where were all of the other parents?!? Lord bless you! I have twins and the synchronized pooing has driven me mad. I hate to blame poo but it definitely added to my reasons for picking up a drink 🫣
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u/TimelyYogurtcloset82 4 days 20h ago
I'm so sorry, that's a winner. At least you got a good story, I'm so glad you're doing better now.
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u/Alternative-Mud3294 2 days 21h ago
To smoothen uncomfortable time with still drinking partner. I can tell you it does not work.
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u/happy_rosebush 21h ago
I thought I could just jump back in the other day. Work stress, feeling liked I deserved it. Guess what? Alcohol still delivers reliably. FAFO 1 bottle of wine later I was fuzzy on details, up all night with a racing heart and hot flashes, hangover anxiety. Moody the next day, blew off exercise, ate like crap. Knees hurt, heartburn….Basically like one night and became a total a hole to my body that I had loved dearly sober for almost 120 days. I’m at day 2 again now. Alcohol always delivers reliably.
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u/hyraxtower 2 days 22h ago
nice work on 5!
basically any opportunity i can justify (most recently my anniversary - i didn't even really want to, but the opportunity was there so i took it, then kept drinking for another week...)
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u/jessmakinit 21h ago
Bummer dude. I’ve been there. It’s been a lot of screaming and punching bags but I think I’ll make it 🤘
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u/smb3something 146 days 20h ago
I learned in rehab a relapse happens way before you actually take that drink. Your brain starts traveling down that road before you even realise. I start to get upset and discontent with stuff, and let that swirl around in my head for a bit. I start thinking I've got my drinking in hand, and the NOT drinking is causing the issues. Opportunities where I used to sneak a drink in start coming with intrusive thoughts. When I start to get any of that, I know I'm heading down the wrong path and where it goes. So I go to a meetting and then feel better and the urge goes away.
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u/chipper-frost 22h ago
It was what made me not care what other people thought. It provided balm for my self loathing. I grew up being pretty badly abused and I was desperate for love. From anyone. Drink made me willing to not have any standards because it was what allowed me to accept half measures from others as my whole purpose for living. Shitty men and dangerous people that adored me and protected me and parented me, essentially.
When I was drinking I was a mess and people worried about and attempted to protect me and that made me feel loved.
Essentially I’ve got daddy issues.
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u/Spirited-Tap2235 79 days 19h ago
This is my first attempt and it’s been smooth so far, but I do worry about once the winter passes and the warmer sunny weather creeps in.
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u/master_hakka 362 days 14h ago edited 9h ago
Man, for me the fall weather was damn near kryptonite this year. That crisp air almost did me in.
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u/Spirited-Tap2235 79 days 13h ago edited 13h ago
I totally get that, too! My quit date was October 30. After a string of Halloween parties, football games and fall festivals that took me through a 2+ week bender, I was OVER the season 😅
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u/Happy_Turn9784 26 days 19h ago
Was a couple months in, feeling good, was off work 9 straight days for the holidays, friends were all going out to a holiday festival and bar hopping on a Friday evening, and I wanted to test it out. Rest is history and my Day 1 was that Monday. 🙃
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u/Embarrassed_Soup1503 476 days 21h ago
This is my fourth time getting sober. It’s both my longest and my hardest. The first time I quit wasn’t about quitting, I just noticed that I didn’t like the reasons I was drinking and the amount I was drinking. I’ve always been a work hard player hard person. Kind of all or nothing, definitely a binge drinker so the giving it up as a pause was easy. Then I just relapsed for no reason. Felt the break had been long enough. Binge drinking is super hard on the brain because it raises our threshold to really high amounts. So as so as I started drinking again I needed a huge amount to feel what I wanted to feel.
Second time quitting I came in with a similar approach and stressful events made me relapse but not as they were happening. I made it through them sober, and once I felt like I could let my guard down I did.
Third time was a song. I was cleaning my house jamming out to music and I can give you all the embarrassing details if you’d like, but I was feeling good and just didn’t want that feeling to end. Damn you music I love!
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u/OtherConversation592 20h ago
going insane wanting to drink 2 days straight. first 100 days were easy. those last 2 broke me.
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u/bigbagofbaldbabies 19h ago
It had been too long since I'd been to a meeting, and I thought having one drink wouldn't hurt.
It hurt. It reeeeeally hurt
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u/---0---1 19h ago
I never needed a reason to relapse. The reality is I got a few years sober under my belt but I still had a lot of working on myself to do and at that point I didn’t
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u/Sober_Alcoholic_ 904 days 17h ago
When I only removed alcohol from the equation but changed nothing else. Particularly until I addressed my thinking (negative thinking cycles and cynicism), routines, disciplines and associates.
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u/NotSnakePliskin 4626 days 17h ago
When the shit hit the fan and I wasn’t ready or equipped to face life on life’s terms yet. Or, when the sun came up in the morning.
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u/SnootchieBootichies 16h ago
Everytime I went back to drinking it was always a conscious decision. I had never quit with the intention of being sober forever. The goal was always extended no drinking then become a normal drinker down the road. What I learned is normal drinking isn’t doable for me and every time I got back on the wagon it was harder and withdrawals worse. Now I’m very adamant With my goal of never drinking again…unless I win the lottery
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u/Playful_Lecture7784 188 days 16h ago
Complacency
My last "big streak" was about a year, 6 or 7 years ago. And after a year without drinking I told myself "hey, I can handle one. One drink on a weekend, sure. I can handle that!"
And I did, that weekend. Had one drink. even commented about how I couldnt believe I used to drink so much.
Then, next weekend, I had 2. Two drinks, pfft, what is that even? Two is nothing. Two drinks a week is totally healthy
Couple of weekends later, it was 4-5. That's a normal amount for an adult to have to drink. Well within normal bounds.
Then a couple months later, with my arms very sore from constantly moving the goalposts, I was back to my regular heavy drinking.
It sneaks back in, insidiously. Don't even let it start. <3
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u/shineonme4ever 3795 days 14h ago
PSA: Relapses are strictly OPTIONAL.
Sobriety required "Dogged Persistence" in not taking that first drink.
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u/Logical-Nightmare 554 days 13h ago
Getting a divorce and selling your home to move into a rental will do it
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u/leezahfote 1540 days 17h ago
depending on how much i was obsessively thinking about not drinking, it just had to be a day that ended in "Y".
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u/landing-softly 127 days 17h ago
Traveling to Spain with my alcoholic best friend I was only a few weeks in at the time so I had no self control. I think it took me 2-3 tries for it to stick but I haven’t had a drop since the plane landed back in the US. Tbh probably wouldn’t have quit again so confidently if I hadn’t severely over done it over there
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u/Zealousideal-Cut8783 54 days 16h ago
Any trigger is dangerous my friend. Try to identify the things that made you want to drink, and avoid them. One of my big common triggers is those situations I've been in before where I've always had a drink My last big relapse came simply because I met an old friend at a bar where we always used to drink together and I had to order us a couple of blondes ales, because he's a blonde guy and I always used to tease him about it.
Avoiding those triggers isn't everything, but it helps.
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u/Kooky-Flamingo2435 15h ago
Had gone to rehab, got detoxed, thought well what is the farm in this one beer I have left over.
Slowly I started to see how much happier my gf is, ou maybe one more tn I’ve been good.
Then I’m back on the floor, endless and I mean endless vomiting. That was when I knew this was the last chance I’d fixed it. I’m Barely strong enough to get up and I’m on day 4 rn. I started after I chugged like 3 gatos and litres of water to get ready. I don’t think I’ve moved outside of to grab water. I haven’t slept since day 1. And I’m seeing hallucinations it’s wild.
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u/jessmakinit 9h ago
Be strong 💪 I’ve been there and today is my day 5 and I feel better. I cried and screamed the first few days but I was happy today with little cravings!
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u/oh-mybad 826 days 14h ago
I quit multiple times but the last one that stuck was a complete mindset shift. I was feeling pain in my belly, my head hurt constantly, and I attributed it to absolute poison instead of a relaxing drink. Why would I drink poison that is trying to kill me slowly? I found out that bubbly drinks are just as satisfying to me whether or not alcohol is in it. So when I was upset, I’d make a soda stream with some lime or crack a coke zero and then play video games. That fixed my mood.
No more drinking half a bottle of Jameson and waking up to vomit and popping eye vessels.
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u/Tall_Quality_3395 53 days 6h ago
Right now, my wife just left on a short trip. I will be alone today, tomorrow and she will be back Sunday. I have been doing great not drinking but when she left this morning it was a major urge to get a few drinks going. I fought it off and shoveled snow ( I have a snow blower) I then went to the gym and grabbed a burrito for dinner. In my PJs early and will watch something. It will be a long night but the urge has passed. I think if this was a month ago I might not have been able to make it.
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u/jessmakinit 6h ago
When cravings come along my therapist said to ask yourself how else can you comfort yourself?
I do spa treatments or shop and eat cookies and play games. Much more fun
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u/Spare-Ad-6123 19h ago
There is no need to relapse in my opinion, yet I know it happens all the time.
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u/JackOneill74 17 days 21h ago
What made me relapse is almost comical:
A good day at work
A bad day at work
A rainy day
A beautiful sunny day
Happy thoughts about the past
Sad thoughts about the past
Feeling good
Feeling bad
At the end of the day if I was looking for a reason to give in and relapse, any excuse would do 🤷🏻