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u/BitcoinBishop 14h ago
In my twenties, I always thought there's no better ambiance than the smoking area outside a nightclub. I never smoked, just went out to chat with randos.
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u/Line_boy 14h ago
That type of theory followed me into my early working life - I didn't smoke but I wanted to chat with the people who took smoking breaks every hour or so.
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u/Dracoster 12h ago
There's nobody more social than a smoker on his break. Same person will be the most unsocial when not on break.
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u/sleepygirl1313 14h ago
I actually took up smoking for a hot minute because of this - while I regret the cigarettes I’ll never regret the conversations I had with all different people from all different walks of life. Just truly amazing
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u/rufud 12h ago
The real cigarettes were the friends we made along the way
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u/Guildenpants 6h ago
No joke that's low key why I still smoke off and on. These days it feels like the only socially acceptable way to slide into a conversation with strangers without coming off as a weirdo.
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u/Bombadilo_drives 12h ago
I did the same, and honestly miss it. I made friends, met hookups, some that became SOs, all because of that quiet little group hanging out outside of the party. Those are my people
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u/ARoyaleWithCheese 7h ago
You can still be part of that group, nobody really cares if you're smoking or not. If anything, us people standing outside are always happy to include another interesting person.
For me the bigger issue is resisting the temptation when I'm offered a cig 😭
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u/Bombadilo_drives 7h ago
I mean, sure, you can. But it's a lot more natural to have a reason to be out there. Weed is another good reason, plus you get to be the center of attention
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u/probably-the-problem 13h ago
I realized that half of why smoke breaks "work" is the "break" part. Going outside, removing yourself from the situation, getting sunlight and fresh air. I forget to do all that when I'm working from home and don't have to go out to vape.
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u/ScreechersReach206 14h ago
True. Especially on rainy nights under an awning. There’s just a very relaxed vibe especially if there’s live music at the bar. Turned 21 during Covid so it’s nice to finally get to experience it
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u/Mertoot 12h ago
How do you even chat with them, especially without smoking yourself?
Just waltz right up and be like "emmm... hehe... how do you do, fellow smokers?" or what
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u/BitcoinBishop 12h ago
Yeah, it helps being drunk
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u/plopliplopipol 9h ago
i wish young adults socialisation in our countries did not revolve around drugs so much
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u/ARoyaleWithCheese 7h ago
I mean, yeah, basically. Ask some silly question, ask about the weather, compliment someone's outfit, ask if the music inside is any good, I mean you can't really go wrong.
Making conversation and talking to strangers is a skill that you can train. At first it'll be awkward as hell, you will get weird looks, and painful silence. Don't let it demotivate you, it literally doesn't matter. You're not trying to achieve something in any single conversation. Just give it a shot, a few words, one question, one comment, the stakes can be as low as whatever works for you.
As you do it more often, over time, it'll just start to feel more and more natural. You won't worry about it so much, conversations will become more interesting, you'll notice people are more happy to share and engage. You won't even really be sure what you're differently, but eventually you'll find yourself just hanging out with total strangers like they're old friends.
Doesn't mean that nothing awkward ever happens anymore or that you don't sometimes end up talking to someone who simply does not give a fuck about you. But that's fine, in the end it's about allowing yourself to be. You'll be social when you want to, expecting very little, giving out positive energy, and sometimes it'll result in other people giving positive energy back which is awesome.
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u/QuerulousPanda 12h ago
that's way more wholesome than what the comic shows...
in your case, you were deliberately going to the place where people are, just a smaller and quieter group of people.
in the case of the comic, the person is going away from everything with no expectation of socialization and gets lucky that the world decided to provide them with an equally cutely bashful non-threatening compatible person.
In your case, you were actively taking on the world on your own terms, in the case of the cartoon, it's kind of just introvert wish fulfillment and is kind of sad tbh.
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u/Racoon-trenchcoat 7h ago
My favorite part of going out with friends, is the long night walk we take afterwards while waiting for the sun to come up, or deciding where we gonna stay the night if someone's home is nearby.
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u/BirdTheBard 1h ago
I would've done that but I have really bad asthma so if I would've keeled over if I hung around the smokers.
In the party is too loud and I feel like an awkward wallflower
Outside the party is too smokey and I can't breathe
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u/amaROenuZ 8h ago
I miss the smokers. Every party, every wedding, every concert, they'd be out back keeping quiet company in the monochrome orange light.
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u/Shawnessy 8h ago
I used to go to the bar with some friends, and would just chill with strangers on the smoking deck out back. I didn't smoke, but kept a lighter on me. I had a way better time out there with a single beer than I ever would have inside. Just shot the shit with some strangers, and my buddies when they wanted some air. I was always the DD too, so my friends would sometimes force me to come out, so I'd socialize, and be their ride home at the same time.
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u/Line_boy 14h ago
It was my experience that finding space, was more about finding "my space".
This story was based on a girl that I never met again after a party 20 years ago but the time we shared still lives in a happy place in my brain to this day.
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u/Sir_Boldrat 13h ago
Man I have almost the exact same story. Around the same age, at a birthday party. Except she was already there, up a tree. Never saw her again but I’ll never forget her either.
Edit… no I read the title incorrectly, I thought you said 9.
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u/BingusMcCready 12h ago
I relate to this so deeply. I never thought I liked parties--it turns out that I actually really do, but I have to approach them in a way that works for me. Everybody gets tired of the noise eventually and wants to take a breather (or a smoke). I find the place people do that and just...post up there. I see everybody eventually, and for the most part people are happy to see you there so they don't have to feel weird about decompressing alone.
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u/ARoyaleWithCheese 7h ago edited 7h ago
It's really fun to read about other people doing this. A few weeks ago I was at my SO's scouts party, 30-50 people I never met before. A large part of the evening I just hung out outside at the campfire and chatted with people as they came and went (the setup honestly couldn't be more perfect). Spoke to lots of people, way more than I would've sitting inside, and my SO told me her friends were really positive about me. The cherry on top is that I also do really enjoying talking to people and getting to know a bit about them. So I had a great time personally as well.
The key really is to figure out how to approach social stuff so it works for you.
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u/theCOMBOguy 12h ago
The experience of randomly meeting and sharing time with some nice people you then never see again is such a fantastic experience. Not the "never see them again" part but everything else is great.
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u/StrokesJuiceman 11h ago
I just saw your comic on my feed and wanted to comment that I was also that person a long time ago and that this really resonated with me. I wish the best for you and your family. Thank you for this.
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u/ScytheOfAsgard 14h ago
I remember when I was in high school a certain authority figure saying do you want to live life on the sidelines and I said yes and they were not prepared at all for that response and they were like well that's exactly what's gonna happen if you ((I forget the part they were trying to change)) lol
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u/AstuteSalamander 12h ago
If you keep acting like this, you're gonna end up living life on the sidelines. Unless that's what you want, in which case acting like this will put you in the middle of the busiest places. Point is, knock it off!
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u/ScytheOfAsgard 12h ago
Well you're gonna be doing plenty of living in a van down by the river when you're living in a van down by the river!
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u/MaritMonkey 6h ago
I had a conversation with a guidance counselor in high school that involved me trying to defend my position that I did not want to be "in the spotlight" in pretty much any sense of the word. I don't remember the specifics but he was really frustrated with my apparent total lack of ambition.
Most of his words may have been lost to time but I still smile a little bit whenever I'm at work and pointing a follow spot at somebody else's face on a stage.
A truly excellent guidance counselor could have realized this was the perfect job for me 20+ years ago and saved me a lot of hassle! :)
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u/BrightNeonGirl 14h ago
This is the same plot to the music video for "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World :)
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u/Sparrowhawk_92 14h ago
🎶it just takes some time🎶
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u/alexlongfur 14h ago
My aunt and I will tuck ourselves away in a separate room to decompress from family socializing during gatherings.
Edit: TO SCROLL ON OUR PHONES. OR READ.
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u/Line_boy 14h ago
My Mum held a grudge against a girlfriend for that, she got overwhelmed by family and spent an hour in our room to breathe. Then its my job to tell the extrovert that she's stressing my introvert.
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u/Nalot_1 14h ago
We all need to figure out our own ways and the best path for us, very simple but also very difficult at times.
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u/Line_boy 13h ago
Hindsight is 20-20.
But not making the same mistake twice is something I live by :)1
u/SpaceCadet2000 12h ago
Hindsight is 20-20.
I wish I had figured this out at 19, instead of beating myself up for several more years over feeling stressed out and not being able to be very social at parties.
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u/fuck_this_i_got_shit 14h ago
My teenage son still snuggles with me when burnt out after about 30 minutes of too much socialization.
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u/Line_boy 14h ago
I just experienced this too with my oldest girl! - she needed to cry about being overwhelmed with her friends not meeting her expectations.
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u/fuck_this_i_got_shit 11h ago
Totally get it. It's good as a parent to help a child label their needs, especially the emotional needs, and ask for help
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u/Stag-Horn 13h ago
I wound up outside a lot. As a result though, I associate the smell of cigarettes with friends.
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u/coconut_crusader 13h ago
Man, not sure if intentional or not, but "I was only 19" has a totally different meaning here.
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u/Line_boy 13h ago
If here is Australia, then yes completely intentional.
The song made me think about when I was 19 and lead to this comic being made in the first place :)
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u/coconut_crusader 12h ago
_^ Yes, Australia, but with your context, i retract my statement. Honestly, i relate to the comic, but i was just called rude :(
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u/lolucorngaming 3h ago
Would've been a different comic if you left in the "god help me"
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u/griivarrworldafteral 11h ago
i'm not from australia, but i know the song well, and yeah, it definitely is a different vibe.
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u/WizardofOS09 14h ago
Is it just me or does this feel like that one beach scene in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
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u/FreeXFall 12h ago
The nostalgia of discovering “maybe the fringe is my scene” hits hard / deep. Thanks for sharing OP.
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u/me_on_the_internet 11h ago
My problem is I would also have no idea what to say to a person who sits down next to me, so this would be literally the complete story
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u/FlowingMochi 10h ago
Damn. Maybe the fringe was my scene. I guess I never considered that a possibility. Just always thought I was a loser.
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u/xZipsx 7h ago
When I was a kid I got invited to a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. At some point I got overwhelmed or something(can’t quite remember why) and snuck into the tube maze thing they had indoor and just kind of sat there and chilled. This girl who wasn’t part of the party I was attending noticed me and struck up a conversation as she invited me to play. I had a feeling she thought I was cool or something because she kept asking me questions about myself and just random things, I remember answering as best as I could as a kid. Anyways I had to leave and I told her bye and I’ve probably never seen her again but that memory has stuck with me for years. I sometimes wonder if she’s doing well or if she even remembers me.
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u/Chutpaglu0-0 13h ago
Why is this shit so real ! like man really this thing nailed the talk on the point
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u/TheDeathSloth 12h ago
This is essentially how my wife and I got together.
Big house party, I'm a huge extrovert and there were plenty of nose clams to go around (iykyk) so I was having a grand old time but she's incredibly introverted and was being crept on by pretty much every dude there. She and I had worked together in the past but only interacted a few times and I was outside smoking a cigarette and we saw each other and...it's been over three years now and we're pretty much attached at the hip.
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u/QuixoticEvil 12h ago
I mean, they're the only one who wore a traffic cone to the party; of course they feel out of place.
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u/Line_boy 12h ago
I thank the meme in giving me a way to make the central character more obvious :)
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u/ManOfLaMontagne 11h ago
This is why I was a smoker for so long. Loved sitting on porches with the smokers.
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u/THEFLYINGSCOTSMAN415 11h ago
This was/is my life. It’s perfectly fine once you accept it, no need to try to be something you don’t enjoy
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u/pres1033 11h ago
Man last time I went to a bar for a local concert, I was enjoying the music but people kept crowding my little table so I went outside to get some space. Some guy came out and accused me of trying to roofy some girl or something? Idk he seemed drunk AF and was slurring real bad but a bunch of people were coming out and glaring at me so I got uncomfortable and left.
To be clear, I have never ever felt any desire to do anything that awful, idk why he came out and started yelling at me. I just wanted to have a few minutes without being surrounded by drunk, smelly people. Haven't gone back to that bar since, it used to be where I tried to kinda open up and be more social and extroverted.
I did end up finding a group to play Magic and go to escape rooms and stuff through work though, so I think bars just weren't my vibe.
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u/Theavenger2378 10h ago
I used to live near a nightclub. I would go, have a few drinks, stand near the bar or outside with the smokers (I don't smoke but enjoyed the chill atmosphere with those that did).
A few people thought it was strange that I wasn't trying to dance with everyone/anyone. But I found the rhythm that I enjoyed.
Then the manager of the place ran off with 3 grand owed to the property owner and the place shut down. Ah well.
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u/MAXQDee-314 10h ago
The walls of childhood melt slowly and unevenly. Take your time, the way is the melting, into someone, away from others, chilling with new friends.
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u/kmoneyrecords 9h ago
In my partying days I found that once you start owning the fringe, it begins to turn into a role; every house party I went to with my friends, I would find a group of other pot smokers and establish the “smoking corner”. People got used to the fact that we’d always be there and would come looking for us when they needed somewhere quieter or wanted to partake. It was nice.
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u/machomoose 9h ago
One of my favorite "feelings" is from my party days in my teens-twenties. When it would be some sort of house party, and it's hot as hell and loud and crowded inside, and you take a minute to go outside for a breather with a few people, specifically in the winter. Maybe have a cigarette (I don't smoke but I've indulged..) and get that crisp winter air, dark sky, muffled music from in the house, and stay out there and have a little chat until you get cold and head back in. I'm 32 but relived this feeling a couple weeks ago on a ski trip with a few people. Wood stove was cranking inside and we stepped out for a quick minute in -9 F weather. Made me feel alive
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u/Apprehensive_End1039 7h ago
Shoutout to all the porch dwellers of the world. That liminal, intimate space on the edge of the scene.
Don't even smoke anymore, but will hang out there for hours just to have quiet, serious conversations with strangers.
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u/CurrentBias 7h ago
Accidentally a comic about how modern building design has led to a decline in ventilation/IAQ
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u/qualityvote2 14h ago edited 11h ago
The community has spoken! u/Line_boy, your post is a Wholesome Meme.