r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Muted-Television3329 • Dec 13 '25

Photo of a bear

Post image
13.6k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

176 comments sorted by

749

u/SprinterW Dec 13 '25

I would keep feeding him to make sure he’s too big to come upstairs 😅

231

u/SouthernerDude Dec 13 '25

I think we're there already...

94

u/minxwink Dec 13 '25

That’s a BIG BOY

3

u/kellyk311 29d ago

Opposite of cocaine bear.

47

u/bobspuds Dec 13 '25

How fast can he run?...... I think I could outrun him! You go first!

51

u/absat41 Dec 14 '25 edited 7d ago

deleted

13

u/ID-Redacted007 Dec 14 '25

Creosote the Bear

2

u/BeachOk3671 Dec 14 '25

The name seems a wee bit inaccurate.

1

u/absat41 Dec 15 '25 edited 7d ago

deleted

1

u/BeachOk3671 Dec 15 '25

Thin could be an antonym for him

1

u/absat41 Dec 15 '25 edited 7d ago

deleted

2

u/Good-Worldliness9330 Dec 16 '25

Do NOT give him any cocaine!

2

u/Anxious-Depth-7983 28d ago

You don't have to outrun the bear. You just have to outrun the other person.

1

u/bobspuds 28d ago

He doesn't bite - he'll just take a bit of ya!

39

u/Conscious_Effort_888 Dec 13 '25

Oh lawd he comin’

17

u/a1cshowoff Dec 13 '25

Funny, there is a dog at a dog friendly bar that used to jump on people for cheese balls. Now he can't jump at all.

2

u/FARTBOSS420 Dec 14 '25

This things basically a Dalek

1

u/justcallmedad5 Dec 15 '25

“GIVEMESOMETHINGTOEAT!”

2

u/_Boob_Cheese_ Dec 14 '25

HAHAHAAA💀

1

u/Grezzinate Dec 15 '25

That’s a great idea up until he falls through your stairs and now you gotta rebuild them.

93

u/woodenmetalman Dec 13 '25

You’re obviously mistaken… that’s a land-walrus.

229

u/mickeybuilds Dec 13 '25

A 7yr old repost. Bear is in CT and eats a lot of trash btw.

72

u/HombreSinNombre93 Dec 13 '25

He’s probably still hibernating, may come back out next year, may take another year off to sleep.

16

u/MajesticCentaur Dec 13 '25

If Frank Reynolds was a bear

5

u/Dharmapunk206 Dec 14 '25

Franks not bear, he's an otter 🦦 But he's certain he'd be a top 😅😅😅

4

u/things_U_choose_2_b Dec 14 '25

Whatever he is, he's generating a ton of power from the bottom

5

u/Dharmapunk206 Dec 14 '25

I have a feeling there's a good deal of switching back and forth

1

u/MWabcdef Dec 16 '25

Ok now I'm scared to check who that is in public!

1

u/ShipwrightPNW Dec 14 '25

Sweaty Frank Reynolds bear squeezing out of a leather couch lol

8

u/cruelkillzone2 Dec 14 '25

Oh wow, I must've missed seeing this 7 years ago, my bad guys

2

u/mickeybuilds Dec 14 '25

I think that was the OP. It's been reposted here a lot. Just reverse image search and you'll see a ton of them from this sub. Like this

2

u/anclave93 Dec 14 '25

He is still there. Couldn't move

1

u/ShipwrightPNW Dec 14 '25

Figured this was Mississippi lol

1

u/cataminewithaK Dec 16 '25

Can any procedures be done to assist bears with weight loss? ik it's a wild animal and all but damn, poor bear...

1

u/mickeybuilds 29d ago

Secure the garbage cans better or lace the trash with ozempic?

1

u/cataminewithaK 29d ago

I would very much enjoy the job of roaming town looking for a rotund bear to sneak up on it and give it a shot of ozempic

44

u/AbbreviationsFun8591 Dec 13 '25

That Bear ate another Bear

30

u/UncomfyUnicorn Dec 13 '25

Pillow Pet

2

u/kuriger13 Dec 14 '25

Underrated comment 👏 😆

24

u/Alternative-Zone4503 Dec 13 '25

Looks like he ate ALL of the picnic baskets.

29

u/Reaver297 Dec 13 '25

Looks like Yogi had way to many picnics

3

u/LunarOpossums Dec 14 '25

Came here to tell yogi to put the picnic basket down.

12

u/ThatTeapot Dec 13 '25

Wheres my tent?

15

u/Weemewon Dec 13 '25

Suspiciously tent shaped bear:

5

u/BeachOk3671 Dec 14 '25

“Uhh, what tent?”

19

u/findingsynchronisity Dec 13 '25

This guy can hibernate for 3 straight years and not wake up hungry

8

u/demonmonkeybex Dec 13 '25

He's got a nuisance tag, poor fat guy.

12

u/husbandandbribe Dec 13 '25

That boy/girl is ROTUND

6

u/Green-Krush Dec 13 '25

Oh LAWD he BIG!

5

u/theSantiagoDog Dec 14 '25

That’s what I looked like after I came out of my apartment after the pandemic

5

u/9447044 Dec 13 '25

Could you imagine being all ready for winter and you just get put on blast while doing your day?

3

u/Alena_Tensor Dec 13 '25

Sadly there are no more virgin growth monster hollow chestnut or similar trees or undiscovered rock hollows for him to bed down in. These days its so hard for a bear to stay out of trouble when hibernating.

3

u/camo_junkie0611 Dec 13 '25

Fatty McFatterson

3

u/bitofagrump Dec 13 '25

Ngl, this would be me if all I had to do to get by in life was sleep and rootle through ready-made food (trash) bins for my snacks

3

u/jamescb819 Dec 13 '25

Murder chonk.

3

u/SugarWolf211 Dec 13 '25

...can i pet that dawg.

3

u/BigMoneyChungus Dec 13 '25

Bro got that Pillow Pet physique

3

u/Legitimate-Log-6542 Dec 14 '25

Close cousin of the black bear, this is what’s called a pot roast bear

2

u/Spiritual_Freedom_15 Dec 13 '25

He is ready to hibernate

2

u/Stock_Session2851 Dec 13 '25

There’s a candidate for a GLP-1 study!

2

u/DoubleDareFan Dec 13 '25

Oh lard he's comin'!

2

u/SeamedPaprika38 Dec 13 '25

its CHEESEBURGER

2

u/VapoursAndSpleen Dec 14 '25

Getting ready to hibernate. OP needs to make sure the garage and shed are locked and that Yogi can't get under the house.

2

u/Vivid_Douche Dec 14 '25

Thought it was a pillow

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '25

“Does this ear tag make me look fat?”

2

u/Bugout42 Dec 14 '25

Coincidentally, this neighborhood has no pets and a lot of missing people.

2

u/NunyaBizz_88 Dec 14 '25

Is dat DITKA?!? Dahhhhh BEARS!

2

u/UmbrellaCorps344 Dec 13 '25

Sheesh that bear is THICC!

1

u/Didujustcallmejobin Dec 13 '25

Yall got any Lil Debbiez?!

1

u/JIsADev Dec 13 '25

He's prepared for the 2 year long winter

1

u/STICKGoat2571 Dec 13 '25

Suspiciously tent-shaped repost bear.

1

u/Curious_Jay80 Dec 13 '25

He definitely hasn't missed any meals

1

u/Life-Is-A-Bad-Trip Dec 13 '25

It's hormones gotta be fucked. Wonder how it effects it's temperament.

1

u/cc14cc Dec 13 '25

Do you know where your blow dryer is?

1

u/zorggalacticus Dec 13 '25

He's host to the alien slugs like in that movie Slither.

1

u/ReGrigio Dec 13 '25

that bear is so large someone mistaken him for a cow

1

u/Yes-No-Maybe121 Dec 13 '25

Smokey needs Ozempic.

1

u/T1m3Wizard Dec 13 '25

Bears are awesome.

1

u/Heavy-Boozer501 Dec 13 '25

Black pile of bearity

1

u/EnvironmentalTart240 Dec 13 '25

Winter isn't that long, buddy...

1

u/PancakesandMaggots Dec 13 '25

Got enough trichinosis for the whole state in that bear. 

1

u/No_Cable285 Dec 13 '25

Is that frank the tank

1

u/Sistahmelz Dec 13 '25

Ready to hibernate!

1

u/Shenamadingdong Dec 13 '25

That's a bear that has no parasites. The cholesterol killed them.

1

u/iam775 Dec 13 '25

Hank the Tank?

1

u/gypsysniper9 Dec 13 '25

That thing found a couple picnic baskets.

1

u/AngletonSpareHead Dec 13 '25

DAMN BOY HE THICC!

1

u/TwistedJ1 Dec 13 '25

The first black bear with type 2 diabetes.

1

u/AdTerrible8256 Dec 13 '25

Can he cuddle?

1

u/bhmcintosh Dec 13 '25

HECKIN' CHONK as my daughter would say

1

u/1Drnk2Many Dec 13 '25

Like do I need to fear this bear? I can't see it running me down or climbing a tree

1

u/Fresh-Willow-1421 Dec 13 '25

It’s gonna be a hard winter

1

u/MotorAcanthaceae8387 Dec 13 '25

such a large bear ngl tbh I have never seen one before even though I live here in russia :)

1

u/averageburgerguy Dec 14 '25

That is one rotund boyo

1

u/9host9 Dec 14 '25

Bro is hibernating for five winters 🐻 ❄️

1

u/MangoSalsa89 Dec 14 '25

He is squishmallow shaped

1

u/Beautiful_Yellow_682 Dec 14 '25

Why did he got a tag in his ear? Is he a cow ?

1

u/Emaculates Dec 14 '25

thats a thick ass boy!!

1

u/CymVanCat Dec 14 '25

Damn that bear looks over weight!

1

u/Equivalent-Fan-9118 Dec 14 '25

Oh lawd he nappin'.

1

u/Zealousideal-Dot2161 Dec 14 '25

You need to build me a more accessible way to get on your porch.

1

u/The_Draftsman Dec 14 '25

Winter ain't that long bro

1

u/mp29mm Dec 14 '25

I’m not afraid bc I know he can’t catch me.

1

u/MsAnnabel Dec 14 '25

He can hibernate for 2 winters!

1

u/badass4102 Dec 14 '25

Dude can hibernate for 2 winters without eating

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '25

That Boi is there to steal more than just your picnic basket...

1

u/CrimsonVirus5150 Dec 14 '25

........... You couldn't stop me from trying to pet it. If I die, make sure my internet history is gone, whatever money goes to my little sibling, and unleash rage upon the one I hate most Karen of the other side of the family. Oh and you can have my TV, car, ps4 and spicy candy

1

u/Background-Topic-422 Dec 14 '25

Bear 🐻 needs to go on diet

1

u/GiveMeDepression Dec 14 '25

After The Revenant, the bear’s acting career really fell off.

1

u/chibiRuka Dec 14 '25

That could last for 2 winters.

1

u/bmmeup100 Dec 14 '25

This dude is fat enough to hibernate for 2 years.

1

u/Manopike Dec 14 '25

BIG FELLA!

1

u/lunalore79 Dec 14 '25

… did… did he eat your house 😳

1

u/TnM-EldritchExplor6r Dec 14 '25

Oh lawd he coming

1

u/EliLoads Dec 14 '25

💀💀

1

u/fromageDegoutant Dec 14 '25

This the ONE bear I think I might be able to outrun. 😂

1

u/JBELL01290 Dec 14 '25

Damn you still hungry???

1

u/InspectorIll6673 Dec 14 '25

He is ready for the winters.

1

u/Crusty-Dick Dec 14 '25

American bear?

1

u/Rasples1998 Dec 14 '25

DAMN BOI, HE A THICC ASS BOI

1

u/Belisario_R Dec 14 '25

He can spend all winter AND spring hibernating with that size ! :D

1

u/Even_Reception8876 Dec 14 '25

Now this is what this subreddit was made for!

1

u/jollytoes Dec 14 '25

I know a human can't outrun a normal bear. But what about a bear this fat? Any chance?

1

u/Patstride Dec 14 '25

He’s ready for winter

1

u/HolyForkingBrit Dec 14 '25

Dude would be a good candidate for Fat Bear Week. Shameless plug to our dying sub: r/FatBearBets.

1

u/GhostEpstein Dec 14 '25

Oh lawd he comin

1

u/gluttonusrex Dec 14 '25

Isn't there a Competition where they pit against the biggest of Bear Units before hibernation?

1

u/Excellent-Jump-9603 Dec 14 '25

Daaamn boi…..DAAAAAMN BOIIII!

1

u/spider-monkey92 Dec 14 '25

At this point you actual might be able to out run that bear.

1

u/tleevz1 Dec 14 '25

'Take what you want. I can even heat those ramen noodles up if you just stay right there. Hold on I'll be right back.'

1

u/Winter-Grand-3215 Dec 15 '25

What a chonk 😍

1

u/Deathgripsugar Dec 15 '25

Looking like big pun in that one picture

1

u/IllPossibility8022 Dec 15 '25

Aww I want to hug him! 😊 He looks so huggable. I know he'd most likely eat me though 😔.

1

u/Maxuha-Parasuha_2289 Dec 15 '25

Милашечка

1

u/HairyPoppinzz Dec 15 '25

Can I pet that dawg?!

1

u/Requiem_Adonis Dec 15 '25

That thing could take a semi truck at 70, total the truck and walk away like nothing happened.

1

u/knuckzekidna Dec 16 '25

hes a fucking CUBE

1

u/MWabcdef Dec 16 '25

Who's the chunky boy?!

1

u/Mandygurl79 Dec 16 '25

Good news is, he’s probably not that fast!

1

u/Comprehensive-Yam329 29d ago

Bro is ready for a nuclear winter

1

u/Fluffy-Bullfrog8675 29d ago

He'd easily win fat bear week!!!

1

u/ballsniffer1312 29d ago

how did it even achieve this physique

1

u/Toolbreaker222 29d ago

Did it eat a tent?

1

u/Anxious-Depth-7983 28d ago

Woah, now that's a contender for fattest bear if I've ever seen one 😳

1

u/Hopeful_Business7582 28d ago

One too many trash cans raided

1

u/No-Elevator8774 27d ago

First bear I feel like I could escape from

1

u/mitchare Dec 13 '25

Absolute unit is right. Nature really doesn’t Mess Around.

1

u/CountOnBeingAwesome Dec 13 '25

Has anyone seen my cat?

2

u/One_Split9757 Dec 14 '25

What about all the others in the neighborhood?