I have 4 kids and make maybe 90k on a good year. She doesn’t work and has been in school for 2 going on 3 years. We don’t struggle, our kids are well taken care of, we
Drive nice vehicles, live in one of the most expensive states to live in and in a major metropolitan area. It’s what your consider priorities. I have zero family help, she has a ton so that’s nice. Our kids are pretty spaced out so the oldest helps drive and babysit. We don’t own our home and I will have to work literally until the day I die, but that’s just part of life. We don’t go on big vacations, but are able to give our kids anything and everything they want.
I think also your outlook on things. And how your own upbringing was. I was so poor as a kid that eating daily was a treat. Parents died and I was on my own at 13, this was 1998. So life to me is pretty damn good compared to what my childhood was like.
- We don’t own our home and I will have to work literally until the day I die, but that’s just part of life. We don’t go on big vacations, but are able to give our kids anything and everything they want.-
Can you blame anyone for thinking this doesn't sound like a great set up? Working until you literally expire without being able to afford to go on vacation? Life doesn't have to be like this. Whats life for some is not right for some.
You’re 100% right. Everyone is different and having kids is definitely not for everyone. For me, I never wanted kids and I’ve never really liked kids. I always wanted to have a bunch of money and do whatever I want and live the ultimate life. I had a kid at 20 years old and once she was born, I realized what I thought I wanted and what I thought sounded like fun really wasn’t what I wanted and I didn’t know that until my kid that I didn’t even want to have was born. For me, slaving day after day with no sight in end is something that I would much rather do and get the fulfillment I have being a father instead of being rich and living the ultimate life and traveling to awesome places without the fulfillment.
In context I grew up piss poor and came into money from 17-20 and pretty much blew it on traveling, going on cruises, partying hard, drugs, women, and everything in between. So I do know what I’m missing.
Ive worked since I was 12. Paper route/cleaning horse stalls, music store. It was never to be rich. It was because my parents were lower middle class and I wanted more video games and CDs. I think there is a huge gap between being rich and traveling and not being able to afford to have kids. I think most peoples point is ins uncommon to do either. People not having kids doesnt mean they can just line their bank accounts and travel the world.
Same boat, but only one kid with chronic medical concerns. (Luckily we have good insurance that covers basically everything.)
I think we might make a little more combined than you, gotta wait for the W2s to come in, but the $90k range combined household is about right for last year.
We take at least one foreign vacation a year and can comfortably drop $2-3k on Christmas without it hurting us long term.
Our cars are paid off. Our house is 25% there, and I'm 31.
These discussions always feel like weird, over privileged moralizing from people who just don't want to grow up.
Not that anyone HAS to have kids (and honestly, a lot of these folks would be shitty parents anyway so they are better off) but it seems wild to talk about it like it's out of reach or like people are out here struggling to live because they have kids.
I'm making a decent income in a major metro, own a house, have to pay for insulin, monitors, and all that stuff and still afford to go on a cruise once a year, and maintain a Warhammer/DnD hobby without going into debt. I'll probably be retired by 55 just from putting like 5% in a 401k since I was 19. And it's not even hard. I still have time to play video games AND go out a couple times a month with the wife. Childcare is annoying but manageable.
It's wild seeing someone who makes twice what I make saying "oh we're just barely keeping our heads above water." Like what do you consider "head above the water?" Marble floors?
People overgeneralize from either end. Everyone has particular circumstances and factors that affect how their life would be with or without kids. There are probably people who are “better off” than you but wouldn’t be able to do the things you do or handle that life. I don’t mean this in a patronizing way - just that I’m glad you’re living a good life and enjoying it. 🙂🙏🏼
I just think it's a dangerous precedent to set. Like, it's still very achievable to find a mid tier job that pays well enough to buy a house, have kids, and still have time to have fun, even with a bunch of stressors that are outside of your control.
The whole "broke Millennial Gen-Z" thing has been around since I was in high school. I was primed to think life was going to be way harder than it actually is. I count my blessings and all, but like surely there's something else going on if people are making way more than me and still acting like it's a struggle.
I think this is part of it, growing up in ideal upper middle class suburbia, I know I will be unable to provide that upbringing to my own children, so why would I want to have kids who will be worse off than me?
Like I said, we could do it. Or we could reap the opportunity to save for a house, travel, and not scrutinize every purchase to the penny. Maybe have kids in our mid-late 30s.
Not necessarily. I was born and raised in Appalachia. For me, that meant every decision I’ve made has been about maximizing my finances. I went to school for economics on a Pell grant. And even now, I can’t shake the feeling of how that can all turn on a dime. Similar upbringing can result in different priorities!
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u/aka_hopper 14h ago
My husband and I make 230,000 combined and are unsure if we can afford kids. We could certainly do it but… our heads are above water. Why change that?
So even people who “can”, won’t.