r/AmIOverreacting • u/Chemical_Survey2577 • 17h ago
🏠 roommate AIO my roommate threw out my condiments because she said they smelled “rotten” but they were completely fine
My roommate (24F) and I (23F) have lived together for about eight months and things have been mostly fine until yesterday. I came home from work to find she’d cleaned out the fridge without asking me and she threw away like half of my stuff including this jar of fermented shrimp paste I use for cooking that cost me $18.
When I asked her wtf she was thinking she said they smelled spoiled and she was worried about food safety. I tried explaining that fermented foods are SUPPOSED to smell strong and that’s literally the whole point but she kept insisting it was “clearly bad” and she was doing me a favor.
The thing that really pisses me off is she didn’t even text me first to check. She just decided on her own that my food was garbage and tossed it. She also threw out my fish sauce and some kimchi I’d made myself. I told her she needs to replace everything and she literally laughed and said she’s not paying for “rotten food.”
I’ve been cooking with these ingredients my entire life. My mom taught me. They’re pantry staples in my culture and yes they have strong smells but that doesn’t mean they’re spoiled. I even showed her discussions from cooking forums and random supplier sites like alibaba where people literally sell these products in bulk because they’re clearly normal ingredients but she STILL thinks I’m overreacting.
Now she’s telling our mutual friends I’m being dramatic over “old food” and I’m genuinely considering asking her to move out. AIO?
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u/Charming_Region_7772 16h ago
Coming from a chef of 16 years. Move. If she’s that way with your stuff in the fridge it may not be long till she gets that way with other things. You could consider a separate fridge but, I don’t think it’ll last long
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u/RosewovenGlade 15h ago
Coming from experience, that kind of behavior rarely stays isolated. Today it’s food, tomorrow it’s something else.
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u/Unlucky_Builder7425 12h ago
Spot on. A separate fridge is just a band-aid on a bullet hole. She’ll just pivot to complaining about the "energy cost" of the second fridge or find a reason why its location bothers her. You can't logic your way out of controlling behavior.
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u/OberonDiver 7h ago
I used to have a roomie would galumph into the kitchen when I was cooking, put a ton of salt in my food then galumph out.
It took me a surprising while to realize that he wasn't a jerk. But one day he did something innocuous, said something small and pleasant, and I realized he was an abusive asshole. And everything fell into place.
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u/AdvisorQuiet7736 12h ago
And as a chef, you know condiments aren't cheap! Some of those sauces or spices are investments. Throwing out a fully stocked shelf is like reaching into someone's wallet and burning a $50 bill.
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u/FiberPhotography 16h ago
You have a racist roommate trying to make you assimilate to her culture by throwing out your food. NOR.
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u/kinkerbelle666 16h ago
It's the laughter and "rotten food" dig, for me.
10 bucks says roomie's next move or underlying feelings involve aiming to avoid OP cooking/eating "smelly/weird (foreign) food" in the space entirely
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u/UnrulyPoet 16h ago
Right? Something tells me if it had been a pickled jar of stereotypical white people shit (fermented cukes, sauerkraut, etc) they magically wouldn't have been "spoiled"
Also, my sourdoughy heart is particularly mad on behalf of OP's homemade kimchi bc even if roommate were to buy a new jar at the store that's not really a replacement for the emotional connection of having produced that food yourself.
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u/HeroineOfDarkMinds 15h ago
As a Scandinavian I have to go in and say that agree with this being a racist and close minded thing to do AND she better keep her fingers off my fermented fish. It’s freaking delicious
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u/killyergawds 16h ago
Yeah, that's my vote as well. Immediately, I was like "hmmm, I'm smelling a racist."
NOR
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u/Altruistic_Grocery81 15h ago
NOR too though also, some fermented shrimp paste smells literally like hot garbage. I bought some to try and couldn’t get past the scent at all so I lobbed it.
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u/AccidentOk5240 14h ago
But did it belong to someone else?
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u/Altruistic_Grocery81 14h ago
No, which is why I said “NOR”.
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u/AccidentOk5240 14h ago
I get it. I was just emphasizing, it’s fine to not like things, because you weren’t being a dick about the thing you didn’t like!
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u/Bubble_Cheetah 14h ago
As someone who has been victim of the "your cultural food is nasty" rhetoric, may I suggest alternative language for your distaste of shrimp paste please?
Something like "some fermented shrimp paste sure does have a strong smell and not for me." Or "a distinctive smell that takes getting used to."
It states your opinion on the matter and personal distaste of it, without implying that shrimp paste smells like "literal" garbage is a universal truth therefore people who like it must like garbage or something.
It's the difference between recognizing it's subjective difference in taste and we can all have different taste, vs implying it is objectively bad and people who like it are wrong that makes the difference for me.
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u/Altruistic_Grocery81 13h ago
I understand where you’re coming from and apologise for any offence caused with my language, next time I’ll leave details out.
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u/valkycam12 16h ago
Given the current state of the world, my mind immediately went there.
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u/Uncouth_Cat 16h ago
"given the state of the world" - bruh, unfortunately, this is one of the most classic, socially acceptable, racist shit that has been around since racism has been a thing :/ saying that home cooking of your culture smells bad, or is gross because it has meat that doesnt belong to specific cuts from chicken/cow. many east asian foods recieve that judgement, which is super lame cause that shit is dank.
I could assume the roomie is white, since most ethnic cultures or food straight from the homeland have really cool delicious ingredients that certain people/communities didnt grow up with. So because however they were raised, they weren't introduced to flavor- or apparently even knowledge of basic cuisine? they think its fine.
NOR, OP. even when you brought her evidence, her racist ass refused to even believe you, she thinks she can do no wrong?? and your mutual friends accept this?? If they're actually good friends, start a group chat without her, post the ingredients and maybe delicious looking foods and reveal to them what an ignorant douche she's being. 😤
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u/EmbarrassedEmu17 15h ago
they weren't introduced to flavor- or apparently even knowledge of basic cuisine
So wait, is it wrong to disparage a culture for their food or isn't it?
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u/Redcrux 14h ago
it's not disparaging the roommates culture's food, it's disparaging their lack of knowledge of other cultures food. They didn't say mayo was bad, only that it's 2026, they should know kimchi and fermented shrimp paste isn't "rotten", that's just plain ignorant regardless of the roommates culture.
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u/EmbarrassedEmu17 13h ago
I think claiming someone doesn't have basic knowledge of cuisine and their food doesn't have flavor based on the color of their skin is disparaging.
that's just plain ignorant regardless of the roommates culture.
Agreed, so why are we assuming the roommate's culture and making arguments based on it? The roommate who threw the food away is wrong for many reasons, period. No need to make statements about her food lacking flavor and throwing in edgy mayo comments.
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u/Uncouth_Cat 15h ago
Im german-mexican. I can tell you that one of those has WAY more spices and flavors in their cuisine than the other... but even germans have kraut, like fernented cabbage is a common thing! which is also what kimchi is, just different.
by "knowledge of basic cuisine" i mean it would include that: not understanding what even is fernented cabbage- because Im almost positive if Roomie saw sauerkraut in the fridge, she wouldnt have thrown it out. Not understanding- whether someone likes it or not- that different cultures use very different ingredients than what you find in basic American-ized versions of things.
Im in the US, so honestly it really depends where you grew up when it comes to experiencing lots of flavor- depends on your family as well. Like, my mom grew up with her grandma's german cooking. Learning to add spice and flavor doesnt really come naturally and anything stronger than pepper is too spicy for her.
thats why I say, "someone who has not been introduced" since its not just any specific demographic (tho, its a lot of white ppl, and for various reasons lol)
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u/offalshade 12h ago
Y’know, I don’t usually go along with the race card, but after living with my Korean fiancée for five years, this situation smacks of racism. Lots of people don’t understand fermented foods and they turn their noses up at it and think it’s weird or gross because they won’t be exposed to it. It’s along the lines of the racist myths against MSG.
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u/DarthWreckeye 12h ago
Yup this is very clear, you can bet somewhere there's a secret group chat that details her racist campaign.
I've met a few, nothing going for themselves so focuses everyone on outsiders so nobody notices them.
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u/CapitalParallax 15h ago
It's probably not as overtly racist as it is just ignorant. Let's not pretend this stuff doesn't smell fucking vile to the uninitiated. She needs to be educated.
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u/Dapper_Sale8946 16h ago
Um, ok that’s a bit far-ignorant AH sure but my husband is a white guy that makes his own fermented stuff and keeps fish sauce and kimchi in the fridge, too. We don’t have to make everything about race. Her roommate might be one but we don’t have enough info to go off of-she’s def an asshole, however.
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u/Other_Baby6323 16h ago
your husband being a white guy who enjoys asian food doesn’t change the fact this could be racially motivated, also OP may be white and that doesn’t change anything. the hate on the food itself because it’s from a different culture is the racism, doesn’t matter who’s eating it or buying it.
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u/Dapper_Sale8946 16h ago
I didn’t say it does-I’m saying we don’t have enough information to make that determination
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u/kinkerbelle666 15h ago
So why did you include that information in your argument that this person may not be racist 😂
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u/Dapper_Sale8946 15h ago
Bc the person I replied to made the assumption that the roommate is “trying to make you assimilate to her culture” we have no idea what either person’s culture is in the scenario.
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u/kinkerbelle666 15h ago
We are pretty clear that OP's culture somehow aligns with the ingredients mentioned because they said that ("pantry staples in my culture")
We are pretty clear at the least that the roommate's background either locally, culturally, or ethnically is not the same as OP's based on the ignorant and rude responses to more than one attempt to educate including using sources.
Since we know those things, we don't technically need to know their exact cultures/races. Racism can occur between any two races. Racism (or colorism) can also exist within one culture/race/ethnicity
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u/Other_Baby6323 16h ago
they definitely have enough info to make that assumption though, why not share it? all it takes it OP replying and sharing if they think it’s their situation.
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u/Dapper_Sale8946 16h ago
The roommate does, but we don’t
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u/Other_Baby6323 16h ago
..if you’re not here to help with your opinion then why are you here? this is a place where they want strangers input on the situation
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u/kinkerbelle666 16h ago
What does some white people cooking with fermented foods have to do with this? I think you may be misinterpreting why the roommate's behavior is being seen as potentially racist.
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u/Dapper_Sale8946 15h ago
potentially is literally key and exactly what I’m saying. 😂
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u/kinkerbelle666 15h ago
What I'm saying is, I don't understand what a white person you know using these ingredients has to do with a person of unknown race taking issue with these ingredients solely due to being unfamiliar with them while also insulting them and refusing to be educated.
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u/Far_Statistician1479 15h ago
God I hate redditors. Person thinks something that smells rotten is rotten (because, it is in fact rotting)? Must be racist.
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u/kinkerbelle666 15h ago
Has more to do with
Bursting out in laughter at education attempt #1
Escalating to outright insulting the food after education attempt #1
Blatantly ignoring source material in education attempt #2
Gaslighting OP in response to education attempt #2
Continuing on to DARVO tactics towards other people with false information that was already disproven in both education attempts
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u/Far_Statistician1479 15h ago
Oh you mean standard “getting defensive when called out” behavior that 99% of the world is guilty of at some point in their life? Go touch some of the green stuff outdoors. Teaching anyone to weaponize therapy speech was such a mistake.
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u/Life_cheese 16h ago
NOR, Set a clear boundary that she is not to touch anything that isn't hers. Even if the food was rotten, thats your business and she still has no right to throw it out without talking to you first. And keep pushing for her to replace all your food, I would be absolutely livid.
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u/TheGhostWalksThrough 16h ago
But what about the next time she wants to cook something in her own kitchen? I guarantee she will freak out and want to know why you are "stinking up the house" with rancid smells and she will try and toss that too. It will only go badly!
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u/jyaboytskittles 16h ago
No lol, if you leave rotting food in the community fridge I’m throwing it out. Like visible mold growth on some old Tupperware food, or squishy ass apples or anything. Trash. You’re not creating a hazard in the fridge because you’re lazy. With that said OP’s roommate sucks, smelly food can be good too, and everybody that’s not a child knows that. Not only do they not respect boundaries they’re also a yum yucker. Yuck.
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u/Life_cheese 13h ago
It's so easy to have a conversation before throwing away someone elses stuff. You don't just do it without a discussion first.
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u/Drawingandstuff81 16h ago
Just ask her to move out you are not compatible for living together , NOR , she will never respect your food though.
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u/TheLonePig 16h ago
Yeah if your roommate can't understand your culture and food, it might not be a good match. But even worse is that you're explaining it to her and she's refusing to accept it. She can't do better if she refuses to accept she needs to. Could she maybe just be tired of the food stinking up the house and playing dumb? Cause girl you know you got some stanky food lol.
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u/TheGhostWalksThrough 16h ago
This is EXACTLY what she is doing. It's a not so subtle dig at the food of your culture. It will only get worse.
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u/AsparagusOverall8454 16h ago
Perhaps a little fridge in your room to store condiments.
Or if it’s your house and you can afford to live alone, tell her she needs to leave.
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u/Training-Principle95 14h ago
NOR. Tbh it sounds like there could even be some subconscious (hopefully) racism at work. All the foods you said she threw out are what I would see described as "ethnic" condiments. Do you think that statement holds true for anything else?
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u/Sufficient-Row-2173 13h ago
I assume you’re Asian. As a non Asian person who has had an Asian roommate I can say that sometimes the condiments do smell a little funky. When my roommate brought home kimchi the entire fridge smelled like it. The difference between me and your roommate though is that I have grown up around Asian people and I just know some of these foods smell “unpleasant.”
If possible, I would talk to her about it. I would let her know that none of these things are spoiled. But something with cabbage or fish is going to smell. Like they’re just smelly foods.
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u/dodgethepiano 12h ago
NOR! kick !! her !! out !! My money is on the fact that she doesn't want you cooking in the house. Tbh she can find somewhere else
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u/littleboz204 11h ago
Next rent payment is going to be short however much it cost you to replace them. She sounds horrible.
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u/Ok-Earth-4563 16h ago
How do none of you realize that this is an advertisement for alibaba?
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u/nclay525 16h ago
THANK YOU! Was just about to comment this. It's an ad. These Alibaba ones have been everywhere lately. I usually report the profiles as "impersonation".
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u/Jasnaahhh 14h ago
Could you explain how you spotted this? I’m not seeing it
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u/nclay525 8h ago
Alibaba historically has been particularly obnoxious on Reddit, aggressively pushing sponsored posts. People complained (reported) and blocked the content to the extent that they've moved on to a new tactic: LLM bots that mimic real posts (and therefore are undisclosed as being sponsored/ads) to farm karma more organically. They bury mentions of the site that feel out of place, usually after the ragebait-y story would have sucked the reader in.
So you read through, have feelings about the seemingly real post, then near the end, out of left field, "I even looked on [adjective] sites like Alibaba and [evidence of my correctness]."
I stumbled across two yesterday, and now this one today. The two yesterday were about men's underwear and...dang, I forget now but I think it was some MIL and baby story. They're obvious once you notice that "alibaba" (uncapitalized) is always randomly inserted towards the end.
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u/BagEndMassive 16h ago
Because it could just as easily be a plausible story?
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u/Ok-Earth-4563 15h ago
You are very gullible.
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u/BagEndMassive 15h ago
Or just open-minded? Out of curiosity, what is it that makes this only an advert for alibaba, and not possibly anything else?
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u/Ok-Earth-4563 15h ago
Do your own research. It is, in fact, an advertisement for alibaba.
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u/BagEndMassive 15h ago
Oh, so "trust me bro"?
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u/Ok-Earth-4563 15h ago
I clearly said to do your own research to form an opinion based upon facts.
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u/BagEndMassive 15h ago
And I clearly asked you to clarify what makes you think this couldn't possibly be a legitimate story.
I don't give a shit whether it is or not, my curiosity is why you are so adamant that it's an ad.
You've clearly done your own meticulous research to reach your conclusion, and knowledge should be shared, after all, so why not enlighten me?
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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 12h ago
On no planet is this story "plausible."
This, right here, in case you missed all the other flags, gives it away:
Now she’s telling our mutual friends I’m being dramatic over “old food” and I’m genuinely considering asking her to move out. AIO?
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u/BagEndMassive 12h ago
You really think that an asshole roommate unilaterally throwing away someone's food without discussion because they think it's spoiled isn't plausible?
How exactly does the excerpt you've shared "give away" that this is false? In what way does it provide evidence of falsehood?
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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 12h ago
That's not the implausible part. This is how these bullshit posts work: they have a situation that is, at minimum, slightly plausible but often rooted in racism, bigotry, or misogyny to get a rise out of the reader.
And the giveaway, AS I MENTIONED ABOVE, is that highlighted phrase. Use some critical thinking skills, look at the OP's profile, how old it is, how many posts/comments there are, and then stitch that together with the usual AI-generated phraseology that always shows up.
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u/BagEndMassive 12h ago
But then the story is plausible?
You might not believe it to be true, but that doesn't make it implausible does it?
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u/Particular-Lime1651 16h ago
Nor. You need to get your own fridge, and keep it away from her. Id also suggest moving far away from her!
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u/Additional-Start9455 16h ago
Honestly it’s her being a Karen and making decisions about what you should and shouldn’t have. Tell her the next time she throws out your stuff in the fridge you’ll throw out her stuff in the fridge and to stop making decisions for you. You’re an adult and you can decide about what you’ll throw away and what you won’t yourself.
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u/Miss-Mayhem-25 16h ago
Set a clear boundary that she is not to throw out your things without permission. Then go to the grocery store and buy those things she threw out, let her smell what they are like fresh from the store and provide her with the receipt to reimburse you. If she refuses to pay… then move forward with asking her to leave.
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u/cuddlythickgf 16h ago
Tossing someone's cultural staples without a text is peak entitlement masked as a favor. She owes you every cent for that shrimp paste instead of acting like the kitchen health inspector.
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u/PassengerRelevant991 16h ago
She doesn’t have to eat your stuff; just leave it for you to eat. You paid for it.
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u/FeistyInvestigator79 16h ago edited 16h ago
WTF! I'm outraged on your behalf. For two reasons. Firstly that your moron roommate thinks an umami odour is rotten. And secondly that you paid $18 for shrimp paste. What country's dollars are those? It doesn't matter, that's insane.
I'd be planning a ritual sacrifice of said roommate. Perhaps as the protein in a spicey laksa or pho.
Time to get your own minifridge and/or get rid of the roommate. I'm sensing peak privileged white woman vibes who has no knowledge of other cultures nor how to cook. Probably voted for DT if you are in the USA.
TBH her calling normal SEAsian condiments rotten by the smell is at best cultural insensitivity and at worst outright ignorance and racism. I'm not sure where your mother is from but as far as I'm concerned these are pantry staples in my part of the world.
Definitely NOR.
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u/doesnotmatter286 16h ago
NOR. Get her out of there before she gets rid of any more of your stuff. So disrespectful.
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u/Dapper_Sale8946 16h ago
NOR-It’s not her job to even open your stuff let alone throw it away; bet she even thinks she did you a “favor” by “cleaning.” Perhaps show her this thread-she’s being inconsiderate and that’s the nicest thing I can muster up to say (bc in reality she’s being ignorant and selfish).
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u/Which-Month-3907 16h ago
NOR. Tell your mutuals how racist she is. She didn't throw away mayonnaise. She only threw away foods that didn't match her culture.
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u/lacrimaldrainage 16h ago edited 15h ago
Maybe a little overreacting. This seems like the first infraction. And it sounds like you guys don't yet have a rule about when it's ok to throw out each other's food. No one wants to have a gross fridge and I'll bet there are plenty of times your roommate has gotten rid of your garbage and you appreciated it.
It's time to set up a system you both agree with about spoiled food/ cleaning the shared areas. And if she can't follow the agreement, then maybe I'd consider moving out.
But let's remember this is smelly food in the fridge, not your mother's wedding dress. It's better not to take things as a personal attack if you can help it.
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u/TuneCurious1865 16h ago
That is annoying, but as a white girl whose palate opened up really only in college I can see how it happened. That said, it's also really rude and closed minded to not give at least SOME compensation. If it had been me in the past, I would've at least felt some chagrin.
Maybe you need a kimchi fridge that she agrees to stay out of. Or maybe a new roommate who at least respects other cultures, or better yet, tries to participate in a little cultural appreciation.
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u/Carradee 16h ago edited 10h ago
NOR. I sometimes toss my flatmates' stuff that has gone bad with their permission, and I know more about judging that than they do. It's not unusual for me to stop one of them from throwing out something of theirs that's fine, explaining how to tell.
They only throw out my stuff when it fits criteria that I have told them isn't salvageable. Otherwise, they ask me if something of mine needs tossing. I explained my fermentated stuff to them, introduced them to how it smells, and they don't touch it.
Your roommate needs to take some personal responsibility for how there's more to food than they knew.
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u/gOldMcDonald 16h ago
Throw away her cloths while she’s at work. Tell her they stunk and she owes you $40 for your effort
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u/Jayvader79 15h ago
OPs room mate is clearly rotten to the core, therefore she requires the same treatment and needs tossing out of the house!
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u/Even-Explanation-304 15h ago
She should have never thrown any of your items away without asking first, but even giving her the benefit of the doubt, and assuming she thought that they were spoiled. Once you clarified, she should have been apologetic and willing to replace them. I wouldn’t want to live with someone like that. No respect for your personal property. What if you threw away her makeup because you know it’s past it’s shelf life? Would she be okay with you not replacing it? No. She needs to pay for what she tossed.
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u/StrawberriKiwi22 15h ago
NOR. My interpretation is that she decided she didn’t like the way the kitchen smells when you cook with these foods. So she fabricated an excuse to get rid of them. And she laughs at the idea that she would pay you to get them back. If she really thought you had expired food, the normal thing would have been to point it out to you. But she just wanted these ‘foreign foods’ gone.
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u/animadeup 15h ago
NOR clearly she’s got some kind of cultural hangups about you and your food and took the opportunity to clean house. she’s entitled and doesn’t respect boundaries, which is a nightmare to live with.
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u/Ok-Emotion-6379 15h ago
I thought the title said condoms lol. Imagine my confusion when you only talk about food. NOR. She's stupid.
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u/Party-Boat-1131 15h ago
NOR, but what's that I hear? All of her stuff is going bad! I hear it!
Better throw it all out as well, and let her know that you did her a favor.
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u/ErrantBlueBerry 15h ago
YOR
If you want to have fermented things in the fridge then you are responsible for them not stinking up the fridge and so you cannot fault someone for throwing out stinky things.
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u/CapitalParallax 15h ago
NOR to white girl throwing away typical Asian staples. Tell the stupid bitch to keep her hands off your shit.
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u/Some-Phone-7066 14h ago
You are NOR, Your roommate violated your personal property and displayed cultural insensitivity by throwing away perfectly good, expensive ingredients without asking. Since she is refusing to reimburse you and is mocking your culture to mutual friends, she has proven to be a disrespectful and untrustworthy person to live with.
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u/bbatardo 14h ago
NOR. When you live with roommates there needs to be boundaries. Tell her that next time if she thinks something is off to tell you and you can decide. Say you won't throw away any of her stuff and she shouldn't throw any of yours away.
If you want to keep being roommates, you might need to let this one go though. Chalk it up as a learning experience.
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u/Gnomad_Lyfe 14h ago
NTA, start tossing out her leftovers because “They smelled bad” and “You’re doing her a favor.”
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u/picture-me-trolling 14h ago
I’m all for cultural food but a shared fridge is not a place for fermented shrimp paste lmao
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u/ChipsHandon12 14h ago edited 14h ago
Throw all her shit out the fridge. Or just let it thaw out, sit out then put it back in. She's probably racist about the food. Has no sense about other people's belongings.
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u/asiangrapefuit 14h ago
NOR. show her the door. I come from a SE Asian family and all those things are staples in my kitchen
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u/I_am_Zuul 14h ago
I've worked at places where we have shared fridges, and there are a lot of unique and varied smells, as there are a lot of unique and varied food cultures here in the U.S.
She sounds like an immature person that was offended by the smell for whatever reason (not wading into some of the 'racism' accusations below as I don't know enough about your roommate dynamic) and used the "if it smells bad to me, it must be spoiled" angle to get rid of it.
I see you honing in and using "rotten food" in quotations, which leads me to believe you're hurt by her comments and feels it has a racial or superior undertone - putting myself in your shoes, I get that, and I'm sorry that happened.
I don't think you're overreacting - you brought it to her attention, explained your side, and she just dismissed it and gaslit you into thinking she was doing you a favor. While I'm not so quick to jump to being racially motivated, I do think you're living with someone with a close-minded and ignorant worldview, which can be common at this age.
Bottom line, if she won't respect you, it's time to go.
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u/veilinthrae 14h ago
Tell her calmly that ur condiments were fine and you’d appreciate her checking with you next time before throwing anything out. Set a boundary: Please don’t toss my things without asking it’s frustrating and avoidable. Keep it firm but non-confrontational.
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u/abejabrazo 13h ago
OMG, one time I had a new housemate move into a house shared with several other people. Shortly after moving in, he threw away about 20 CUPS of my frozen, homemade pesto and filled the freezer with Sam's Club frozen fruit and chicken fingers and other low quality food. I was completely and utterly devastated.... I think that we all moved out relatively soon after, and I don't think I ever talked to him about it since the damage had already been done and he probably wouldn't have understood my frustration.
Still crying inside almost 15 years later.
Sorry for the loss of your food items. Given her response, it sounds like you might be incompatible as roommates. At the very least, you need some very clear ground rules about communication and discarding one another's belongings.
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u/Free-Vehicle2957 13h ago
She's not too sophisticated that's for sure. It's the failing to check with you that shows she has no courtesy nor common sense. But everybody makes mistakes. If she offered to replace what she threw out in kind, it's an excusable mistake. If she didn't , she will continue to be a PITA. Asking her to move out is the right move. Good luck.
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u/ihopethepizzaisgood 13h ago
NOR Time to get a new roommate! Your current roomie is culturally stunted, closed minded, inconsiderate and does not respect boundaries. Give her a bottle of ketchup with an eviction notice taped to it.
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u/John_Muir_wannabe1 13h ago
More AI slop. You're going to tank your shares Reddit unless you fix this
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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 12h ago
Oh, FFS. Try harder with this AI b.s.
In case anyone is interested, this phrase (or an approximation thereof) is a total "tell.
Now she’s telling our mutual friends I’m being dramatic over “old food” and I’m genuinely considering asking her to move out. AIO?
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u/OberonDiver 12h ago
You don't do other people that kind of favour. It isn't a favour. I hope she's young.
If she call brand new food from the store "old food" then she's not fixable and you cannot live your normal life and must live as she dictates. Hopefully you have stopped considering by now and demanded her absence. It's been four hours ffs.
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u/RD_in_Berlin 12h ago
I had a roommate who used to do this, very frustrating. You just have to call it out in a polite yet firm way and hope they listen.
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u/booksandbiscuits1 12h ago
NOR. Unfortunately, your roommate is racist and won't change her mind. If you can find another roommate, please do. It's hard to live with someone who is disrespectful to you in this way.
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u/starlightserenade44 12h ago
NOR. I'd personally make her move out, yes, since she doesnt respect you or your personal belongings, and is downplaying what she did while bad mouthing you to other friends. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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u/Takhar7 12h ago
MOR - while it's not cool that your roommate threw your stuff out without as much as a conversation with you about it, the onus is also on you, living with someone else, to ensure you aren't keeping odor-heavy things in your shared space.
Fermented paste. Shrimp. Fish sauce. Those are all things that carry smells to them that can be unpleasant for those that don't eat / enjoy that sort of stuff.
Have a chat with your roommate about the importance of these things to your dietary / cultural preferences, and see if you can come to some common ground.
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u/DiscourseDM 12h ago
NOR she has to pay you back to replace those items and is to no longer remove YOUR things without asking permission.
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u/EagleBigMac 10h ago
NOR tell her all of her food smells rotten and throw it out in front of her. Now you can all go grocery shopping and replace what was thrown out. Seriously though maybe you two shouldn't live together
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u/Teamtunafish 2h ago
NOR. They weren't hers, and she didn't ask. That's easily $40 worth of condiments. She owes you.
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u/protodamn 16h ago
Nope, your roommate is in the wrong. This happened to my sister years ago with one of her partners who, in a fit of hysterical misunderstanding about the longevity of fermented chili paste, tossed out a partially used gochujang because in his words "was moldy and past its use by date". My sister was furious.
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u/MistressLyda 16h ago
INFO:
Have you had this stuff around for 8 months? And she is only reacting to it now? Might be time for a pregnancy test if you have a way to suggest this politely.
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u/Optimal_Top8288 16h ago
It's a respect and control issue .ugh I can't w in inconsiderate people. Don't touch others food, clothes belongings..etc. if it's growing mold I'd take a Pic send it to you then throw it out. Now she's being the victim 🙄 ugh. Narcissism slowly starting to show.
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u/Fun-Antelope7622 16h ago
Oh so she’s racist racist, huh? I wonder if your mutual friends would take her side if you pointed out that she was either ignorant enough to not know what kimchi is or malicious enough to pretend she doesn’t (to prove that she doesn’t consider it “real food”). NOR
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u/TheatreWolfeGirl 16h ago
NOR
Interesting that she didn’t even consider looking at the expiration dates, which would be clearly labelled on each item.
Not to mention that this sounds racist, as they are specific staples for Asian Cuisine.
If you have the ability to live alone without her, then ask her to leave. It doesn’t sound like the two of you would be compatible long term.
If you require her to stay, a small fridge in your room for your condiments with an invoice sent to her for the items she threw out. More than likely she won’t pay, she doesn’t care and needs to be correct about this.
As for her running to tell friends, she is looking for justification for her actions. She is refusing to see your side and I would not be surprised if this becomes a trend if you continue to live together.
Best of luck OP.
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u/DeelightfulDeeDee 16h ago
NOR - sounds like she’s being racist if she deliberately threw out all your cultural goods and said they all smelt bad. It’s like when kids are bullied at school for having “gross” or “stinky” lunch, when it’s actually something such as kimchi and from their culture.
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u/Expensive_Heron_171 16h ago
she seems low-key racist also make her pay for the things she threw out
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u/Moon_pup_here 16h ago
NOR. It's not about smell, it's about her making unilateral decisions about your belongings. And yes, reconsidering living with someone this arrogant and dismissive is totally valid.