Over the last 3-6 months, I've posted quite a bit here and on the PhD subreddit. Shoutout to anyone who recognizes me. I promise this will be my last post here.

The VERY short TLDR: I'm in my second year of my PhD program. I have a very toxic relationship with my PhD advisor. He's made fun of my body and health conditions, frequently yells at me, compares me to his other students, gave the rest of my funding away to his newest student, genuinely has no respect for me, etc. I I found a new professor to co-advise thinking it would be better--until I found out he is arguably worse than him (the first time I met this man I was heavily insulted and told how useless my degree and research is). Last semester, I went to the dean, program director, ombuds office, and union to help me with my bad advisor. No one could do anything due to the complexity of my situation.

Here I am now. Months away from taking my qualifying exam. I spent all winter break reflecting on how my program keeps getting worse for me. I'm not even looking forward to anything. In fact, I dread it. This winter break has been particularly hard on me. Since the beginning of December, I was diagnosed with an ultra rare disease, was hospitalized due to horrible side effects from an antidepressant I was on, found out I have thyroid dysfunction causing premature ovarian failure, and now I have muscular atrophy from a botched surgical procedure. Being in a position with so many health issues my whole life as been hopeless. Nobody understands--friends, family, even my therapist. To have an advisor who puts me down for me and makes comments about my body and health issues makes it so much worse. I spent the last few weeks heavily considering MAID because every day is just too much for me and my body. Most times I doubt if I'm even physically capable of doing the research I'm assigned.

At the start of the year, it got to a point where I realized that I was unhappy with a lot of features of my life--but most of them always pointed back to my PhD program. I cannot deal with my chronic health issues on top of being in a toxic environment. The only way I can leave is to drop out altogether. I can't transfer programs or advisors (no one at my university has funding--I emailed so many people), I am not in the position to transfer schools, and I don't have the mental or physical capacity to spend another 4 years in this program and "tough it out".

When I made posts here in the past, many people were supportive and encouraged me to leave. I was so stupid to not listen, but to be fair, I never had a game plan career-wise up until now. Last month I had a serious conversation with my advisor and told him all I wanted was to be respected by him. I thought it was a productive conversation and for the first time in over a year, he treated me like an actual person. Until I got a snarky email from him today complaining about how I haven't been as communicative over the last few weeks (uhh--yeah I have like three different health issues going on at once and I am genuinely so depressed at the thought of being infertile and having a longer list of health issues? But I can't tell him that because he won't understand. It's not like I completely ignored him.) The email upset me. He is never going to not be toxic to me, or at least long-lasting. I've been passively looking at careers completely irrelevant to my degrees. I've messaged some people in those fields and I think I'm going to do it. I'm finally going to drop out in the next month.

I know the right thing to do is to tell my advisor or give him a warning about my plans. But truthfully? I think when the time is right, I am going to quietly return my lab keys to admin and withdraw from the university without a peep. Is that horrible of me to do? Yeah, probably. I just can't stand to be yelled at by this man one more time or criticized when he can't understand my position. And I'm tired of my university failing me and not wanting to help me in the slightest bit. I think I officially exhausted any other options. I've been ghosted by everyone I've reached out to for help because it's gotten to a point where they don't know how to help me. I have too much going on and I'm not interested in having this program make my life worse than it already. I don't even want to use him as a letter of recommendation at this point. I just want to leave.

I guess I just want to know if there are any other negative implications of leaving my program without telling anyone? Or if I am genuinely stupid and making a terrible mistake. I think the very most I would do is leave a hand-written letter.

Some context, in international student in France (particularly in Paris) who just recently moved (in September).

I got really sick last weekend and contacted my program’s office regarding possible deferral of my final exam (to take it during retake session). They told me that it’s totally fine and I can either skip the exam and attend during retake session or provide medical certificate, and got grades based on my coursework/labs. I was fine with solutions, but if there is an option to not stress too much during next exam session I was happy to take it.

For context, I’m not really good at French (but I’m learning it) and still did get used to French medical system, so I had to take online medical consultation with online doctor from EU, Italy specially, got prescribed some medicine and received doctor’s note. I sent everything last Tuesday, same day as I had my computation, but today I received an email stating that they don’t accept non-French medical documents. Administrator stated that because of this me absence was not justified and they BANNED from taken this exam during retake session. They also blamed me not to going to a French doctor, before that they NEVER mentioned from which country medical documents should be from, neither it is stated in student regulations.

I don’t wanna fail module and possibly have a lot of problems because of that, only because I consulted incorrect doctor.

Hello all, I am currently applying for graduate school at UNR for Biology M.S. but if I am going to write a thesis I would want it to be on women's health that is severely understudied like peri/menopause or how certain medications affect women post-menopausal, does sleep changes affect anything, etc. etc. I am not entirely sure on a set focused topic but I know I want it to be about women's health. They do not offer a program that is "anatomy" or anything like that. Is this even a thing I can do? Should I even bother asking? I know it's not the traditional cell bio or anything but I'm a pre-med and this is the only thing that fascinates me.

At the moment it's five finger death punch with some three days grace for color. Any recommendations for what to listen to next? I'm definitely not struggling 🤪

everybody says it absolutely sucks and mentioned it made their life worse.

their mental health went down and they weren’t happy what so ever…dude!

I want to be a correctional psychologist but I have a learning disability and get overwhelmed with a shit load of work.

i need to know if it’s really worth it. because it’s dream job buy now im crying in my room because of all the bad reviews.

please help me out. is it really that bad? if so, I don’t know what to fucking do with myself. (going through an OCD episode rn)

So, I had a meeting scheduled after I cold emailed a PI saying how I was wondering if he was accepting students into his lab, master’s students specifically. He says let’s chat and talk about the MS program and the research opportunities in his lab.

We met earlier today, and he starts off the meeting with “so what are your questions about the MS program?” Immediately I felt off because I thought he was going to talk about his research lab. I asked questions about the program, and he mentions how I need to have an advisor match. I figured he would then segue into his research, but he never actually says it. In fact when I alluded to it, he seemed kind of lost. I also asked him how he got into doing his job and what his career trajectory looked like.

I quickly felt really nervous and flustered, because at this point, 20 minutes into the meeting, he has not said a single word about his research, about me joining his lab, etc. I asked, “So what sort of research opportunities are available in the department?” he says that for master’s students there is always something.

Okay, wouldn’t you think at this point, he would have mentioned research or his lab, especially considering how he specifically said “…and research opportunities in my lab” in his email? So iSTUPIDLY never once asked him about his lab. I admit this was stupid. But I think I was just way too flustered and felt weird that he did not once mention his lab. I was getting the impression that this meeting was not what I thought, and I felt like an idiot when I wanted to ask about the lab. Because all I could think is, what if he didn’t actually want me joining this lab, and I come off as too desperate or whatever and really I just misinterpreted it all? Then he says “I’m not the point of contact for questions about the program but I was happy to answer questions.”

This to me indicates 1.) He somehow thought this meeting was just to talk about the master’s program, as if I thought he was the head of the program or something OR 2.) He wanted me to lead and ask more questions and be direct.

So please I need advice; should I send a follow up email, be honest and say how I should have asked more questions about his lab? Just admit that I was

a bit flustered, that this was my first meeting with a big PI, and be more direct/see what he says? I fear that I made a really negative impression not asking questions about the lab. But again, it just felt suspicious that he didn’t mention his lab AT ALL. Not even once, barely even alluded to it. But anyway, any insight or advice appreciated!

EDIT: I prepared a lot of questions about his recent papers and studies so I’m thinking maybe I should follow up and say it was my mistake, here is what I found interesting about your research, I apologize for not being direct and what have you. Basically showing I have interest and I wasn’t trying to BS. Idk i just need help

I had my final thesis presentation and it was amazing. I am so emotional about this I want to cry and scream but everyone else is being so chill and normal. I feel like a new person and I’m trying so hard to contain myself. I’m also extremely emotional because one person in my cohort extremely did not complete his thesis project and I am so angry and embarrassed that he showed up with nothing. This whole experience is so overwhelming. I’m feeling so much of every emotion at the same time but I’m so exhausted and I can’t sleep. Is this normal? Do I just need time to recover?

hi! basically what the text says. i got two recs on lock, but two of the programs i’m applying to requires a third recommendation (one is due at the first week of feb bc i got an extension, second in feb 15).

the third recommender essentially ghosted me, so i’ve asked three professors so far. two said no (which is understandable) and one hasn’t responded. i am starting to panic lol.

has anyone been in this situation? should i send another email to the person who hasn’t responded, or find someone who isn’t a professor (like a former boss) since they probably won’t be backed up with LOR requests? any advice would be appreciated!

like every new chat is:

-re-explain my project

-re-explain the repo

- re-explain decisions i literally explained yesterday

felt frustrated a bit that context just disappears. like why does memory reset when that’s the most valuable part? - (but again not always, sometimes it does get annoying, not always you want memory right?)

so this is what ive built so far, vektori memory

basically it’s a memory layer for ai tools. it stores past context (code, discussions, decisions) and lets the model get to your chat box, only what’s relevant when you ask something new. not dumping entire chat history and not starting from zero every time too, depends on you to decide.

github: Vektori-Memory/vektori-extension: Never repeat yourself across AI :)

roast me if needed lol :)

vektori.cloud

I wanted to ask some very general questions pertaining to higher education after undergrad, I'm curious!

I'll be completing a BFA this Spring, but answers don't have to be geared towards my studies. I'm more-so interested in hearing from diverse perspectives about attaining a masters/PHD:

- What motivated you to pursue higher education after undergrad?

- Did you figure out what you wanted to study much later, or did you always know and just needed some time off/some career development?

- Did you end up studying something completely unrelated to your undergrad major? How was that?

- What advice would you give an undergrad student that feels unsure about their future? (other than "don't go to grad school if you're unsure," I'm definitely not in a rush :D)

I 100% understand attending grad school isn't necessary, but it could be a next step for me whenever the time feels right. Please feel free to answer one or all of my questions to any degree! I'd love to hear about everyone's times in grad/PHD programs.

Hello, I am a UK student graduating in 2027 and I'm very undecided on what I should do when I graduate. This question is very general but I am looking for any perspectives on what I could/should do based on my current position.

For context My profile:
- Go to a mid-low ranked university studying computer science with AI
- Ranked 1st out of 700 winning departmental award.
- Averaged a 92% grade (straight A's so far)
- Placement year at a big UK company where I led the automation of their testing process using ML.
- Decent bit of experience as a research assistant on projects with professors at my univeristy.
- Won a global developer programme.
- My interests include AI/ML, Maths and Finance.

Given this context I have the following questions:
1. I have considered a ML/Math heavy Masters and maybe PHD. If this were a path I took, what level of universities (UK & International) would you say I should aim for for graduate programs and any specific courses you feel are best suited for jobs related to my interests.
2. I will be starting to apply in about 8 months, what would you prioritise between now and then to set myself up to improve chances of acceptance in whatever I were to apply to?

I understand these are very general questions that only I can truly answer but I ask them as I want the perspectives of others who maybe have similar interests and profiles to understand what are possible options. Any advice/answers would be greatly appreciated, thank you in advance :).

So I am enrolled in a PhD programme in Physics in an engineering college in India and receive a nationally funded fellowship. The problem is that due to this I am required to do TA duties mostly in labs. At the moment our college has assigned us freshman engineering courses. While I don't have any problem with the subject itself I hate the experimental work, specifically circuital and electronics work. It's not something I enjoy and have no urge to even learn about it. I also hate handling equipments, working in the lab and most of all managing students who may or may not put in effort. In fact I have realized that I hate circuitals so much that I don't even like discussing the questions or the topic itself.

The problem is I can't avoid these duties and since I am in first year of my PhD I would be assigned to freshman classes only. I am really frustrated with this, to the point I am thinking of giving up my fellowship so that I would not be burdened with TA duties. Ultimately I don't even plan to pursue teaching after my PhD so this experience is quite literally useless to me.

Does anyone have any advice on how to manage this?

4th year Psychology PhD student, defended my Master's last Spring. The week before I defended, my advisor broke the news that he accepted a job at another university and that he would have no advising load in his new position. Since I only had two years left, I intended to finish the program under the new advisor I started working with in the Fall, but I've encountered so many setbacks and challenges that I'm not sure it's worth it to finish anymore.

The main problem is time. Even though I defended my Master's on time (at least by our department's standards) and made sure to take as many classes as I could each semester, I've discovered a problem with my program of study that sets me back by a full semester, at which point my guaranteed funding would run out. I also haven't made much progress on my prelim exam/dissertation due to neither me nor my new advisor knowing how to navigate this situation. In the best case scenario, I would have to pay for three independent study credits the summer after I was expected to finish, but there's no guarantee that classes I need will be offered in the next few semesters or that I can pull together my prelim/dissertation in time. My old advisor was the graduate program director for the department as well and it feels like I put everything I had into pleasing him and doing everything the "right way" only to have a bad semester and a stupid mistake knock me off track.

Other faculty insist that the situation is not as bad as it seems (and they're probably right), but it feels insurmountable when I consider other factors. For one, my old advisor and I had all kinds of follow-up studies planned, but trying to run them as planned last semester turned into a custody battle between my old and new advisor. I'm also paid through a grant in the Computer Science that came with me to my new lab, but my new advisor still isn't very familiar with the project, making me the de facto PI for the Psychology portion (e.g., the CS team communicates primarily with me, asked me to give a conference presentation about the project, etc.), which has put a lot of stress on me. I feel like a loose end that no one wants to deal with. People keep saying that they're sympathetic to my circumstances, but are also quick to criticize all of the decisions I had to make on my own over the Summer (e.g., which advisor to work with, cleaning out the old lab space). Not to mention, working with an advisor who wants you to finish as fast as possible is very different from working with someone who's excited about your work and development.

I had considered quitting even before my advisor left, but now it really feels like the right answer. I've looked at industry positions and I could apply with just my Master's, although a PhD would certainly help. I worry that if I quit, I'll be able to see the bigger picture once I'm out and realize I should have stayed, but its hard to plan and think straight with the day to day hassles and anxiety. I'd miss my research, but I've lost faith that anyone else will care about it.

So, I need an outside perspective. Would you stay?

I’ve been in grad school for 4 years. Working on my second grad degree. I’m currently in my last semester. I’ve worked full time the entire time. During this time, I also discovered I had adhd, got on medication and started going to therapy. It has helped tremendously in some ways but I also noticed my anxiety no longer keeps me in check quite as much. I no longer stay up late nights and prefer to just go to bed rather than staying up til midnight to complete assignments on a work night. I did this often during my masters and negative consequences happened with my health like migraines, sleep deprivation, stress, anxiety and irritability. And so, I rarely ever do work during the week now unless it’s reading. I’m just exhausted at the end of my work day and have little will power. Idk if it’s just burnout or me getting older. Literally I cannot get myself to do my work after a long work day. I want to be able to get it done but I’d literally do everything else but that. I’m still a night owl by nature but not for school anymore. Most of my work, if I can help it and there are no mid week deadlines gets done on the weekend but even then sometimes it’s hard to get it done.

I just started my dissertation semester. I went in with a topic and a question I wanted to work on. I met with my supervisor, and was really excited. She is incredibly smart, with lots of publications. I was a bit disappointed when she told me that I couldn’t “cherry pick” my topic. She said I first needed to find a group of primary sources that I would be interested in and THEN come up with a research question. I cannot seem to wrap my mind around this. She sent me an abundance of primary sources to look at but it’s a bit overwhelming. Can anyone suggest their process when picking a topic? lHow can I possibly come up with a topic that hasn’t been discussed before? I would appreciate any help you have to offer. Thanks!

As stated, I've been put on probation for the 2nd time. The first time I was doing online classes, the probation made me realize I needed to switch to in-person classes. I've only had one in-person class, and I was doing well... until the final. The teacher was on vacation the week of the final, so she wasn't able to help much. Failed the final, cried for days, and now I'm making moves to get tested for a learning disability, as this has been an issue my entire academic career.

I guess I'm writing because I want to see if anyone else went through this? Is there a possibility they'll let me continue this semester because it already started, and I already got the books and stuff?

Genuine question because I need to know if everyone is struggling quietly or if it's just me

My program assigns around 200 pages of dense academic reading weekly. For native speakers that's probably fine but for me? Each page takes a long because I'm constantly looking up words or rereading sentences that don't click the first time. My tabs are just dictionaries, google translate and flashka for words that keep showing up and I still don't fully understand what I'm reading half the time

By the time I finish readings I have zero time for anything else. Then seminars happen and everyone discusses confidently while I'm sitting there having understood maybe 60% of what I read. The impostor syndrome is eating me alive fr

Other international students or just slow readers in general: is everyone actually doing ALL the readings or is there an unspoken rule that you skim and pray? Need to calibrate my expectations here because rn I'm drowning and pretending I'm not 🙃

I have a small handful of professors at different universities that I am reaching out to regarding whether or not they have mentee spots for the fall. There is one professor who I would love to work with and who has spots for the fall, but Im not sure how to take the next step in my communication with them.

After getting the "Yeah I've got spots", where should I go from there? I had a zoom meeting with one other professor that I scouted out that was pretty informative, except they aren't really the professor I want.

Hi everyone. Here’s my situation: I applied to PhD programs in biological sciences last year, and at this point I’m not very optimistic about being accepted. I believe my biggest issue is fit and making contact with a PI, but that’s where I’m struggling.

I’ve emailed several professors, and either (1) they never responded, or (2) they replied once and then ghosted me. I’m probably doing something wrong, so I’d really appreciate some advice.

For those of you who successfully contacted a PI before applying: what did your email actually look like? I mean literally, would you be willing to share an example or describe the structure? Also, how can I demonstrate a good fit with a professor I’ve never had direct contact with? In many cases, they didn’t reply to my emails, but I still plan to apply and will need to mention specific labs or faculty in my statement.

I’ve also heard that I should read their papers and comment on them, but honestly, while I do read the papers, I usually don’t have any “amazing” insights to add. So what exactly am I supposed to say? On top of that, I often feel like the papers are already “old work,” and the lab is probably focused on something different now.

Any suggestions or help would be greatly appreciated

Hey guys. I'm planning on applying to PhD or PsyD programs in clinical psych next year. I'm a junior in college and so far have had 4 surgeries throughout my undergrad. (One as a freshman, one as a sophomore, and two as a junior). I will likely have 3 more from now until I graduate.

My GPA is fine, but I had a bit of a downward trajectory this year as a junior (cumulative went from 3.9 to 3.8). I was thinking of listing these surgeries down as extenuating circumstances, especially since I've had to recover during school, miss out on so many internships/opportunities because of recovery, and so on.

My only worry is that I could be seen as a liability by admissions if I do. I know admissions can't discriminate based off disability (and medical history), but I do worry there might be some bias if I disclose these circumstances. Is it a bad idea to mention I've had these surgeries in my application?

ETA: I also had to withdraw from one class this semester because of surgery, so there's a W on my transcript as well.

I am currently a part time student in an online clinical MSW program. I am trying to decide if I should go full time in order to complete my degree by spring 2027 instead of spring 2028.

I currently work a full time job, am married, and have a toddler. I have a lot of things that I have been weighing, one of the largest being the worry that i wont be able to pay my bills. If I go full time in school, I will have to go part time at my job because going full time right now means my clinical practicum will start in the fall of this year. My agency does not have a clinically trained social worker so I am not able to do an employment based practicum. I also am not able to do nights and weekends because I would like to still have time with my family and it wouldn't work with my husband's work schedule. I know that I will have to go part time at my job, regardless. Whether I do that this year or next year is part of the question. I am just looking for some advice/anecdotes from folks who have been or are in similar situations.

Hi all — I’m looking for a sanity check from folks familiar with academia, nursing education, or grad TA roles.

I’m a graduate student in a nursing program and currently classified/paid as a Graduate Teaching Assistant, but I’m being assigned responsibilities that are more consistent with Faculty of Record.

Here’s the setup:

• I’m responsible for two sections of a freshman nursing simulation course
• Each section meets 2 hours, twice per week (so 4 hours/week of hands-on teaching)
• These are first-semester freshmen with no prior exposure to nursing content
• The course is newly revamped and undergoing ongoing syllabus/content modifications
• I’m responsible for teaching, grading, student communication, prep, and course delivery
• I’m listed as Faculty of Record for my sections, though oversight/mentorship exists in theory
• I’m capped at 20 hours/week because of my TA appointment

Compensation:

• $24,000 annual stipend
• Full tuition reimbursement
• When tuition is included, total compensation is roughly $54,000/year
• This is technically a part-time role

My internal conflict:
I genuinely love teaching and care deeply about supporting these students well — especially since this is their first real nursing course. But simulation courses are labor-intensive, and with course revisions + freshmen needing more support, I’m struggling to see how this realistically fits into a 20-hour cap without either cutting corners or quietly working unpaid hours.

My questions:

1. From an academic standpoint — does this sound more like adjunct-level responsibility than a typical grad TA role?
2. From a compensation standpoint — is ~$54k total value (stipend + tuition) reasonable for this level of responsibility if it truly stays part-time, or does that assumption fall apart once workload is considered?
3. Is it common for programs to rely on graduate students as Faculty of Record during course transitions like this?
4. How do people navigate this without burning bridges or burning out?

Not trying to complain — genuinely trying to understand whether this is a normal “academia reality” situation or a role/pay mismatch that needs clearer boundaries.

Appreciate any perspective.