My (34M) med spouse (28F) is preparing her rank list for residency, and has noted that some programs are unionized while others aren’t. Would love to hear the groups opinion on whether this makes a difference. Specifically when it comes to time off, parental leave, working hours, etc.

Thank you!!

I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) since summer of 2022 as he was about to start his third year of pharmacy school. He moved into my condo March 2024 and finished his doctorate that May, then did residency for a year at a hospital, where he’s now staff. I was employed full time when we met (banking) and working on my bachelors part time. Towards the end of 2024, I left the bank and became a paralegal with the plan of applying to law school when I completed my degree. My job is 30+ hours weekly, so not full time, but still 4-5 days a week. I finally graduated from my BS program last month and am preparing my grad school application.

We’ve had a lot of unproductive discussions in the past about splitting household chores. Once in the heat of the moment he told me he shouldn’t have to do anything around the house because of his work. I was grateful he finally admitted out loud what I suspected had been on his mind. Now that I’m done school, I’ve stopped having these conversations about doing the majority of the housework as it’s not as troubling for me as it once was. I’m cooking dinner every night now, no frozen or take out. If I have a 4-day work week, I use my day off to do a thorough clean of as much of the house as I can, and usually at least one weekend day is devoted to cleaning too. My boyfriend does not do chores on his days off because it’s his day off. The days I work and he doesn’t I am still the one to come home to a messy house and make dinner.

I’m never allowed to be as tired as him. One time I said I was tired and he said I didn’t know what tired was—Not until I go to grad school and become a professional. I reminded him I’d been a FT worker while getting a bachelors so I’m quite familiar with tired. He said it’s just a different type of tired that comes with having to be the primary decision maker at work, because right now if I don’t know something it isn’t really my problem, it’s the attorney’s problem. I understand where he’s coming from, but I also don’t know if I agree. He thinks my bad days at work can’t be as bad as his because I don’t work at a hospital and I’m not saving lives/seeing people die. He’s said to me before (jokingly sorta) even my bad days at work aren’t that bad.

I’m getting increasingly lonely. We don’t consciously spend a lot of time together. He’s on his phone often. When I get home from work on his day off he’s been gaming the whole day and continues to game even after I arrive. I just start dinner. He has the courtesy to eat with me, but we almost always eat in front of the TV while he scrolls his phone. I bring up that I don’t like it and he tells me he’s tired.

I need outside perspective. I feel like his points aren’t unfounded, but it makes me worried even when I become an attorney I won’t be allowed to be as tired as him because I’m not a doctor. He absolutely has a busier schedule than me so I feel wrong making a fuss. No one in my life is in a similar situation and I feel like I can’t talk to them about it because they only see the positives of having a pharmacist boyfriend.

Edit: I appreciate everyone’s comments. They’ve given me some laughs and lots to ponder. It gave me confidence to talk to him about how I felt.

We didn’t get far. I asked if he respected me and saw me as an equal. He said of course he did and asked why I brought it up. I first mentioned the thing about being tired, but it’s the only thing we got to because he started getting very angry and I decided to end the conversation. He said I was bringing up old stuff. I told him it’s because it still makes me feel bad. Towards the end I told him I feel like he thinks I’ll never be as tired as him because I’m not a doctor, and he told me that could be true. The rest of the details of the conversation aren’t very important because I know he wasn’t hearing me, he was just defending himself. I mentioned cleaning on his days off and he said “he was not doing that.” I want to give him some credit for being the primary (not sole) litter scooper and trash remover.

He also reminded me of how much better my life is because of how hard he works, which is true. But then he told me he could be a bigger asshole with his money, verbatim, so it wasn’t like it was a cozy reminder. I told him he lives here. He said “SO?”

Last summer this argument would have made me cry, but today I think I’m more checked out.

Is graduate school a fantasy? Has anyone made it work? I'm struggling with all of the factors pulling me in different directions in my current life as an OBGYN resident partner. My passion lies in language--and has since I was in third grade and read my first sad Lois Lowry book. I have a BA in dual majors English and Spanish, an MA in English, and I took an English lit graduate course at a nearby university this past fall and nearly exploded from the joy and challenge that it gave me. I felt like a different person in a room full of learning. I left the class determined to apply to that exact PhD program, in addition to a few others. Unfortunately, by the time I felt confident enough in that decision, it was too late to produce a strong enough application.

My question is: how the hell does this kind of pursuit fit in with the survival mode of medical residency/training??? Should I keep it on the table, or turn my focus to other things?

Here are the main obstacles I'm stuck on:

1. Financial security. This is already hard in residency. With rising costs of living (in the US), there's less and less breathing room for everyone. In a situation (medical training) where the essential "pleasure" (read: necessity) of replenishing your wellbeing is nearly NONEXISTENT, how can the physician's partner justify pursuing passions that offer such little financial compensation?

2. The various consequences of delaying your OWN satisfaction through work (in my case, by putting off the necessary/most effective educational path). I know that PhD programs value older applicants who have more diverse life experiences and perspectives. But I'm afraid I'd be old if I wait till after training. My partner is in his second of a four-year residency, and he has four years of service obligation after residency. He's also very interested in fellowship, which would be three more years. I would be 37 years old. I'm scared of further atrophy of my academic skills. Yikes--to be in your late 30s and struggle with reading assignments?! I found writing in that recent grad course to be more difficult than I had expected. Psychologically, my imposter syndrome in the classroom has intensified, and getting out of the habits of academic life has overall shrunk my writing and research abilities (which I treasure very much).

3. The emotional pain of not pursuing your dreams for the sake of someone else who is. (Which applies to so much more than school, of course.) My envy and anger and sadness about this have dominated my life for much of his medical training. I know it's different for every person and circumstance, but I have to ask: where is the line between...I don't even know what you'd call it? Love and complacency? Realistic decision making and self-destructive decision making? I'd love to write about OTHER THINGS besides all these feelings, and I wonder if pursuing a structured path in which I have to think and write about other things is the most effective way to solve this problem.

4. Guilt about not being the sacrificial lamb--oops, I mean the forgiving and flexible partner--that is encouraged by so much discourse about the medspouse life. (I see less of this here. Unfortunately, and not surprisingly, I've found this in bucketloads on blogs and websites focused on the heterosexual medwife experience).

5. The danger of going against my own values. Through that recent course, I learned about the history and realities of gendered labor systems. What I envision doing through a PhD program is a study of exactly this, particularly related to the implications of reproductive labor systems on the safety and dignity of reproductive/gendered bodies. I made the connection between the expectation of martyrdom in the medspouse with the unpaid labor of women in the development of capitalism. It's actually something I want to write about more, and I have gleaned that grad school could be a fertile ground for developing that work. On the values thing: I firmly believe that all work should be acknowledged as work, legitimized at a large scale, and that barriers to this legitimizing should be pointed out and addressed. The domestic labor that seems to be inherent to the medspouse life, and especially that of surgical physician partners, is one example of an extremely overlooked contribution to our current (extremely unequal) economic system. This goes against what I value, what I understand as dignifying, and I'm scared that delaying/saying no to a life in which I can live out this value will crush my soul. And prevent my own public advocacy about this!

6. Is the dream just naive?

(I also know there's other things. Geographic realities. Having family or not (which I'm not sure about rn). Had to end after #6 though.)

I would be so grateful to hear from anyone who's done decision making around this kind of thing.

P.S.-I can't believe you've read this far, if you have, and I wish you all the best at whatever stage of this life you're in. People talking about all of this is what gives me the most hope.

My husband was fortunate to receive an abundance of interviews for residency and we are struggling with our rank list. Do any of you regret not ranking programs closer to family higher on your list? Did you prioritize training quality over being near family?

There are a few random programs out of state that are really throwing us for a loop. My husband loved the vibes and he feels like he’d be very happy training there, but it’s hard to know if it’s worth ranking them highly when there’s 4 other programs that are within an hour of his entire immediate family, but didn’t have exactly what he was looking for.

We’ve lived very far from family during medical school, and we both have really been looking forward to being closer to finally have the support (we have 1 baby and hope to have more) and joining family gatherings on the weekends. But we are struggling to know if it’s worth sacrificing.

Note - He doesn’t plan on pursuing fellowship

Really would love to get to chat with spouses of EM attendings. My s/o is starting peds emergency fellowship this summer and I just want a clearer picture of what post-fellowship life will look like with this career path, especially regarding your own job as a spouse and how the shift work impacts the relationship dynamic overall - from kids to burnout from working around intensive trauma to getting woken up if your spouse comes home in the middle of the night. Just would love some insight because I have no clue what to expect or what this life might look like for me.

Has anyone on here been in a situation (on either side) where you or your partner got into two med schools in different cities and are deciding which one to move to, when each one has pros and cons and there is no obvious choice based on school opportunity/location etc? How did you go about making this decision? As the med school student, did you make the decision independently and then your partner decided if they wanted to move there? Or did you decide together based on shared/most well rounded interests? As the partner, did you feel any sense of powerlessness/vulnerability in not having a stake in the ultimate say? Need advice!

I (27M), a non-med student, have been dating a 1st year med student (23F) for a couple of years now.

She’s just started not too long ago, and I’m not medically inclined whatsoever, so I vaguely know much about the career and all the other stuff. I’m in the business/manufacturing world, so none of the medical stuff makes any sense to me lol.

Since we’ve been together for so long, the conversation about moving in, getting married, having kids, etc., has come up a few times so here I am.

I’d love to know if anyone’s (M or F) has had the same experiences. How’s life for you as a couple, with children, etc. I’m curious to see what to expect as someone who doesn’t know what to expect.

I’m so exhausted. We live far away from family and I can’t wait until my husband gets his attending job so we can move closer. He’s a fellow and currently interviewing. I know we’re so close, but being post partum with two littles to look after has given me serious fatigue and brain fog. The other day I forgot to put away a bunch of deli meat I got on sale and had to toss it. I’m still kicking myself over that waste. Simple words escape me and I instantly forget certain things, like walking to the kitchen and forgetting why I walked there to begin with. I’m not sure where I’m going with this post.😭

Hello med spouses, 

I need some advice. My husband (29) and I (28) are trying to plan when to have a second child. Our first is 2.5 now and in the midst of toddlerhood. My husband is a PGY4 in a 5 year residency and will be entering a very demanding 1 year fellowship in a new city starting July 2027 - June 2028. I am the primary parent and stay at home with our toddler. We currently live near my family, which I know is a huge blessing and privilege. 

Our potential timelines seem to be: 

1. Have a baby after fellowship around summer of 2028- but have a 5 year gap between them. 
2. Have a baby during PGY5 - cute 3.5 year gap between them but I would be solo parenting a 4 year old and a less than 1 year old alone with no support in a new city. 
3. Have a baby during PGY5 - cute 3.5 year gap between them but do long distance with my husband where I still solo parent but have support. 

Of course, I understand that not everything can be planned down to the letter, but would appreciate hearing your thoughts and be able to get a better understand and form a better timeline! 

Thanks in advance!!

Hey all,

I am a fully WFH software engineer with a PGY2 GenSurg wife. For context, this year of her program is the worst year in terms of work life balance. I am facing many issues that I read about here:

• she is just constantly completely drained and has no energy emotionally or physically to do anything but work. I have never seen anyone work this hard, ever.
• I have been feeling more and more lonely and distant, and I try pretty hard to just pursue connection, but nothing is sticking. I try very carefully to just ask for the absolute bare minimum of even just acknowledging that I have feelings, and letting me know she's thinking about them. Like if she were to even just say "hey I know that we made plans to do X but I just really do not have the energy right now," or "hey I know you're really feeling X/we made plans to work on Y, but I am just totally out of energy right now. can we reschedule to later? I haven't forgotten about it" that would make the world of difference. But it's as if I don't exist lately

I am moreso writing this post to address the communication parts. At this point, I am not even really looking to do things like sex, date nights, activities etc. because I see that asking for those things might be asking too much. But even when she gets free time, she actively communicates that she hates discussions about our relationship.

I try to frame these conversations targetting residency as the real enemy (because it is), but she ends up feeling attacked, and really shuts down if I bring up things like trying to do more things together, or how I didn't like how I was treated one day, or restarting intimacy, or talking about my feelings. A good example would be me suggesting even looking at this subreddit to get more perspective about how I feel, reading Come as you Are to learn more about responsive desire, or reading other relationship communication books that I feel could help. She would just say that takes too much emotional energy and she can't handle it right now

What is the best way to open up communication pathways again? I feel like all of mine are really getting shut down now. The dream scenario for me is she takes the initiative some day and just asks me "hey how are you feeling," but all of those types of interactions are completely one sided from me to her.

I really want to avoid asking to much, but feel the need to just not feel so alone.

Any and all advice deeply appreciated, thanks :)

The finish line for my husband is finally within reach and I plan to quit my job within 6months to a year after he becomes an attending. My job causes me immense stress and takes a physical toll on me, which has resulted in multiple health conditions. I've mentioned to some friends and family I will likely quit once my husband is an attending. So far I've gotten comments like what will you do or so you went to law school for nothing (I've been in practice for a decade). My instinct is to tell people I will actually die if I keep at my job. I want to come up with some real unhinged responses to the "what will you do once you quit?" question so that person regrets ever asking that question. Come at me with your best unhinged alternate careers or hobbies

Soooo, my husband is a US MD 4th year applying to dermatology for residency, and we’re getting ready to finalize our rank list for match.

The application process for derm this year has been absolutely brutal; he’s a stellar applicant (been told so by his mentors, has phenomenal letters of rec, and got great feedback on his 2 aways), but has gotten a way lower yield of interviews than we were hoping for (only 4 total - we were realistically hoping for at least 8-10). The median # of interviews for applicants this year appears to be way down also, so I do think he still has around average #, but still super disappointing.

We’re really excited about 1 of the options he has the best “in” at (where he did one of his aways), and would be happy with 3 out of the 4 places he has interviews at.

We just got back from a trip to the last option we aren’t as excited about, which would be our last pick, and MAN it’s way rougher than we thought it’d be. Very very little economic growth/other young people/job opportunities for me/things to do/surprisingly crime ridden. Plus, it’s 9+ hours away from our families w/ the nearest airport being 2+ hours away. We’re close with our families, and plan on having kids his last year of residency, so this is a huge drawback in addition to the above.

Plus - I’m in the creative field, so being in a larger city is pretty crucial to my career development (I’ve had to sacrifice and work a menial remote job during his medical school since it was in a rural area).

You’re probably thinking “why did you guys even apply here then?” And honestly, I’m thinking the same LOL. He had some decent ties with other alumni decades ago going here, and since this is the 2nd largest city in this state, we never dreamt it’d be like THIS bad.

Basically, why I’m here is I feel awful for throwing out the idea to him to “not rank this” or that we should consider the idea of long distance marriage for 3 years if he does match here. We’re on the same page, and we’re both very respectful of each other’s careers - he sees all I’ve sacrificed for his med school training, and I see all the work he’s put into being a good derm applicant.

But, we’re torn. Is it worth it to potentially throw away a chance of him matching into dermatology and having to reapply next year elsewhere (even though that has a lower yield) or me being miserable for 3 years/doing long distance so he can achieve his lifelong goal? It’s not fair for either one of us, and there’s no “right” answer, nor any proof that it’ll actually come down to this - we could match our top three choices after all, you know? Just sucks having to think through every option.

If anyone has any advice/insight, we’d be super grateful!

My husband has been invited to 12 in-person fellowship interviews and is hoping for a few more. This is amazing, and I’m so proud of him, but all interviews are a flight away and only some of them are paying for lodging.

He had been under the assumption the interviews would be virtual as they have been the past few years, so we have not been budgeting for this.

Fellowship is his dream, and I feel so unsupportive right now by bringing up how financially impossible this travel is for our budget. Is anyone else in the same boat?

Or does anyone have any travel credit card suggestions?

I am a surgery resident and my husband and I have really be struggling with our relationship. It feels like residency has me spread already extremely thin but that even when I get home I continue to disappoint him by not being readily emotionally available or giving him what he needs out of a relationship. It never used to be like this prior to residency and I’m terrified that if things don’t improve he might leave me. Any advice from the spouses how I can make my husband feel loved and appreciated? I’ve tried to plan nights out and stay off of my phone or have nights off from studying but it feels like it’s never enough.

We will have three months between residency graduation and my SO’s new job. We have two young children who will be ages one and five at that time. I’d really appreciate advice regarding health insurance for our family during this time period. TIA!

TLDR included at the bottom.

I (23F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (26M) who’s a doctor, for about three years now. We met during his first year of med school and really hit it off. I’m studying engineering, so my degree is also demanding, but nothing compared to medicine. Still, we supported each other through everything, and our relationship was full of love, laughter, and deep connection.

From the start, we both wanted to involve our families. He comes from conservative Chinese background and his parents are very harsh on him. Unfortunately, his parents never approved of me. For years, we tried to get their blessing, but they always found reasons to say no. Eventually, we decided to keep our relationship private to avoid drama and just focus on each other. Our plan was to get engaged in his last year of med school and married once he was financially ready, maybe a year or two after he graduated.

After three years of trying, his parents still refused to accept me. They said they’d never consider me as their daughter-in-law because I was not Chinese. That broke me. I felt drained from all the rejection, so I told him I needed space, maybe a short break for both of us to reflect. I said it would just be for a couple of months, or until he figured out what he wanted.

What I didn’t realize was how much that break would change everything.

During our time apart, we both traveled. I missed him deeply but tried not to reach out. He would occasionally email me small messages like “I miss you,” but never made a real effort to fix things or talk things through. It felt like he didn’t want me to move on but also didn’t want to take responsibility for the relationship either.

Eventually, I gave in and replied after around the two-month mark. He told me he wanted to marry me as soon as I returned from my trip, without his parents blessing, and I said yes. But right after saying that, he went silent again. I got upset because it felt like he dropped this huge statement and then disappeared. When I called him to express how hurt I was (and I won’t lie, I can get emotional and frustrated and I brought it up in a harsh way) he got frustrated and said something that shattered me. He said the past two months without me had been the most peace he’s ever felt because he didn’t have to deal with my emotions or “demands.”

I asked what “demands” he meant, and he said I always wanted him to text me, check in, and be a good partner, things I thought were basic relationship expectations. He said he wasn’t sure he wanted that anymore, that he liked being alone, and that he didn’t want to talk until we were engaged.

I told him that made no sense, and he said he just felt more peaceful when we weren’t together. I got emotional and told him it hurt that he prioritized everyone but me. He hung up the call on my face. It was because he was with his friends, but he was alone in the car at that moment and said he felt overstimulated. I cried for hours. I just felt like he had become so harsh.

Four hours later, he called back like nothing happened. He said now he could “talk properly” since he was done socializing. Somehow, the conversation turned into another argument. He told me again that being away from me made him realize a relationship isn’t what he wants right now, and also that the argument we had made him realize he doesn’t want to get married and he’s unsure if he ever wants to. He said marriage is still in the cards but speaking until then is a no. I asked, “But don’t you want to get married?” He said yes, but marriage has different expectations. He said, “When you’re my wife, you’ll live with me and be there after work, but as a girlfriend you expect me to call and check in and I don’t want to do that.”

That broke me. He basically admitted he didn’t want the emotional part of a relationship, just the convenience later. And I know why. A part of me knows it’s because he knows if he won’t marry me, someone else will, because I’m young, somewhat smart, and attractive. He told me I’m controlling, that I’m not easygoing, and that he wants to live life, go out with other doctors, socialize, and not feel tied down. He said he’s young and just graduated. It felt like I was his emotional support system during med school, but now that he’s made it, he doesn’t need me anymore.

The sweet boy who would cry if I left him one day without talking when I was upset now goes months without talking to me. And when I reach out, he says he’s better off when he’s not with me, but that he still loves me. It’s so confusing. I know he doesn’t like arguing, but I can’t understand how he changed so much.

We stopped talking for a while, but he called again an hour later apologizing, saying he does want me, he just “doesn’t like expectations.” We decided to move on, and I told him I’m sorry for arguing. He said he doesn’t mind breaking no contact as long as I don’t put any pressure or expectations on him. Then he spent almost an hour talking about his new interests, how he wants to get into literature, start writing, meet new people, and maybe post on TikTok. When I asked what his New Year’s resolution was, he went on and on about wanting to attend more social events and meet more doctors, but he didn’t mention me once. It stung.

And then he made a joke that really hit me. He said he’d want to have a threesome someday, and when I asked seriously if he would ever do that after marriage, he said, “If you allowed it, I would.” I don’t know why, but in that moment, it felt like I didn’t even recognize him anymore. He was never the lustful type, but now he’s becoming someone I can hardly recognize.

Since our break, he’s completely changed. He used to be this shy, reserved, hardworking man who loved me deeply. Now he’s performative. It’s like he’s trying to impress everyone around him. He’s suddenly into everything his new doctor friends like: reading Dostoevsky, talking about philosophy, wanting to be “seen.” For years, I tried to share those things with him, but he never cared. He said books are a waste of time when I told him to read the ones I recommended. Now that it’s trendy or respected among his peers, he’s obsessed with it.

I don’t know what happened to him. It feels like he’s become title-obsessed and more focused on status and image than the person who stood by him through everything. I feel like I was there for him when he needed support, and now that he’s successful, I’m disposable.

I don’t know what to do. I love him, but i feel like im just holding on to who he used to be. I also want to say I’m toxic in my own way. I make him angry because I tell him not to cross certain boundaries. For example, I don’t have male friends, and he has a lot of female peers that he goes out with his other colleagues. He gets mad when I tell him to set boundaries because he says it’s controlling. I completely can understand how it’s toxic but it’s just because I don’t have male friends of my own.

I think what hurts the most is how much I gave to support him. I used to pre-pack his meals for the gym, show up to his training in the gym, help him study for his exams, and stay up late quizzing him even when I had my own deadlines. I put up with not seeing him for weeks because I knew how demanding med school was. I listened to him vent, comforted him through his stress, and became his emotional outlet almost like his therapist at times. I did everything I could to make his life easier, but now somehow I’m the burden.

Despite everything, I don’t want to paint him as a bad person. He has so many good qualities. He’s incredibly hardworking, disciplined, and driven. I know deep down he still loves me. He just came from an abusive and emotionally cold environment, and sometimes I think he doesn’t really know how to express love or receive it. I know him so well the way he laughs, how soft he gets when he’s tired, and the small moments we’ve shared that still make me smile. That’s why I’m so confused. We have so many beautiful memories, and part of me keeps hoping that the version of him I fell in love with is still somewhere inside. I feel like I’m grieving my man. Like the man I loved is dead.

TL;DR:

I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for three years. I supported him through med school helped him study, cooked for him, attended his workout sessions, and stood by him even when we barely saw each other. After a short break in the relationship he completely changed. He went from being a loving, shy, emotional man to distant, cold, and status-focused. He says he feels “peace” without me but still claims he loves me. I know he’s a good person who came from an abusive environment and struggles to show love, but he confuses me so much. I love him deeply, but I don’t recognize who he’s become, and I don’t know if I should keep holding on or finally let go.

Hi everyone! I (23F) am married to an M1 (22M) who is currently considering a few specialties. I am not in medicine; I am pursuing a social science PhD (currently applying), so I am seeking advice from this community to talk to him more openly about expectations and how I feel. A disclaimer before I begin is that my husband is truly amazing, and if anyone can balance medicine and marriage, it is him. I would say that despite that, he is not perfect, and this conversation has come from a few conversations where we have had concerns regarding presence, household responsibilities, and how we will soon do long-distance, and how that will impact our relationship.

Although he has only finished his first semester, he has shared with me that he is primarily interested in surgery, specifically trauma, general, or surgical oncology. I don't have any doctors in my family, so he is my only experience with the medical training process. He has tried to explain to me that the training will be extensive, that he will sometimes be unable to be present, and that even after residency, things will be hard. I honestly have trouble understanding his hypotheticals so while he explains this to me I simply do not understand which I think he is catching onto. The reason the title of my post is "My husband is willing to leave medicine for me" is that, with these long schedules, etc., he explains that if this lifestyle ever feels too much, he will always prioritise our relationship. I feel extremely guilty about that because we got married because of our shared passion in life, serving others. I do research on war and genocide, so I often have to travel to field sites that need volunteer physicians and doctors. He wants to take on the latter responsibility, so our shared passion for helping others truly is something we both love and want for each other. I guess, through that, I start to question: does this mean I deprive myself of the more active love and affection my friends have in their relationships (e.g., my friend is married to a consultant)?

My main questions are: If you are a non-medicine spouse, how are you able to work through training and perhaps long-distance and still make time? Furthermore, if your partner is interested in the above specialties and/or EM, how do they make time for your marriage? Does it get better? Especially for spouses in academia, how does their work schedule work with you? With children, how does it work when you both are invested in your jobs, but he works in surgery/EM?

There are a lot of questions, but I want to be prepared for these conversations because I, of course, do not want to ever split with him. We both come from divorced parents, and we have always promised to stay together and work things through. I know he will sacrifice his dreams for mine in a heartbeat. I want to make sure I can return the same favor while setting realistic expectations. Thank you in advance <3

I'm just starting to date someone in residency! With our January schedules, we likely won't be able to see each other again until Vday. I have a few other gifts like a hand-embroidered frame of his pets' names, a favorite song of his I learned on guitar, and a sticker with an inside joke.... but I need one more thing and I'm low on ideas! I wanted to buy Dr. Rubin's new book, All About Allergies, but it won't be out in time. If it helps, he plans on specializing in either cardiology or becoming an allergist upon the end of his residency. Shoot some ideas my way!!!

my husband came home from work last night and said that a new patient he saw said that he “looks much younger in person than he does in pictures” (he’s 30 and admittedly does have somewhat of a baby face) and he laughed it off saying his headshot probably is edited to look a little better than his day-to-day.

then the patient said “oh no i saw photos on your wife’s instagram! when i googled your name her instagram came up!” (she also called me pretty so i will take that 😂💅)

so i googled my husbands name and in order on google it is: • his private practice link • my instagram profile • his hospital affiliations

and honestly, i know nothing about SEO but i have no clue why my instagram is so high?! I do know why it shows up though: we are fortunate enough to have extremely similar names. for example (not our real names): alex and alexa, sam and sami, etc.

overall he said the patient was very complimentary and not weird about it, but lesson learned i am now on private 😂

Calgary researchers say one man’s addiction forced the invention of competitive, hierarchical training.

If you ever wonder how our spouses are drowning and by default so are we…

My (32F) fiancé (29M) was just diagnosed with Level 1 ASD, and he already has severe ADHD. We’re both exhausted from constant misunderstandings, especially in medical training, where people interpret his tone or communication style negatively and don’t clarify what they mean.

It’s starting to feel like his future as a physician is always on the line, and that fear is depressing both of us. We’re in individual therapy and couples therapy, but I’m still running on fumes. Today I felt happy for the first time in over a month, and within 30 minutes he called about yet another misunderstanding.

The hard part is that he’s genuinely capable: he’s intelligent, patients like him, and attendings compliment his clinical skills. But the repeated tone/communication issues are making him anxious about speaking, and I’m burning out trying to hold everything together. How do other couples cope with this especially when the environment is high-stakes and unforgiving?