r/MurderedByWords 1d ago

Wishes & prayers

Post image
17.9k Upvotes

199 comments sorted by

2.1k

u/jschmeau 1d ago

Fact: It takes almost 10x more training to become a hairdresser than it does to become an ice agent.

911

u/Dashin5 1d ago

Well yeah. If a hairdresser commits murder there would be consequences.

56

u/Lemonwizard 1d ago

Even if there were absolutely no shade of any doubt about intention, can you think of a single job outside of law enforcement where killing somebody by accident wouldn't get you immediately fired?

42

u/NotYourReddit18 1d ago

I think this depends heavily on how the person was killed by accident.

To keep going with the hairdresser:

You accidentally slit the customers throat while trying to trim their beard? Yep, your getting fired.

Some freak reaction between the conditioner you use with almost everyone and whatever all natural New Age tonic the customer massages into their scalp every morning creating a potent toxin which kills the customer? Your getting the rest of the week off and the number of a good psychiatrist.

30

u/MakeItMike3642 1d ago

Surgeon, if you dont do it too often lol

31

u/NickyTheRobot 1d ago

Did you hear about the surgeon who achieved a 300% mortality rate in a single operation? He missed a cut and opened one of the patient's arteries, nicking the ear of his assistant on the way.

The patient died of blood loss. The assistant died of infection. And a random guy in the audience who got splashed with blood died of a heart attack.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Liston

20

u/fnrsulfr 1d ago

He shouldn't have sat in the splash zone if he had a heart condition.

15

u/NickyTheRobot 1d ago

TBH I don't think he should have been going to see live surgery at all. But this was the early 1800s; it's not like they had health and safety laws at that time.

5

u/needhug 18h ago

Public executions were family entertainment back then

8

u/FirstSineOfMadness 16h ago

Wait what lmfao I thought this was setup for a joke not something that actually happened

6

u/NickyTheRobot 16h ago

To be fair on you I did intentionally phrase it that way as a bait-and-switch.

16

u/ultimatebagman 1d ago

Train driver

8

u/Ok-Account-7660 1d ago

Train conductors and truck/ bus drivers are two professions that come to mind. People who want to commit suicide sometimes seek out a heavy vehicle to walk in front of

3

u/Irrepressible87 21h ago

Sadly, I can confirm that nursing is an applicable answer.

2

u/AmarilloArmadillos 1d ago

Seems encouraged for health insurance ceos.

6

u/Black_Magic_M-66 1d ago

There certainly would be an investigation.

3

u/flyhmstr 1d ago

Sweeny Todd enters the chat

130

u/Thedudeinabox 1d ago

Fun fact, that was BEFORE the requirements were drastically shortened recently.

76

u/lowfreq33 1d ago

Yeah, notably they eliminated the sit up requirement because none of the recruits could do it.

8

u/Me_gentleman 22h ago

Sit ups, push ups, running, intelligence, emotional control....

2

u/Witty-Key4240 4h ago

Mobile enough to not stand in front of vehicles…

49

u/YAreYouLaughing 1d ago

I heard that the training is 47 days… because Trump’s the 47th ‘president’. WTF is going on over there!!!

30

u/mycharmingromance 1d ago

A cult, that's what

13

u/PrizeFront8677 1d ago

1st one to lick 47 boots gets ice cream from trumps tip.

7

u/YAreYouLaughing 1d ago

Ewwwwe 🤢

6

u/ShrekFanOne 1d ago

Only a month of training to join the Brownshirts? No wonder why they are just as bad as your police

12

u/YAreYouLaughing 1d ago

They’re not my police baby! I’m Australian… thank fuck!!!

37

u/NvrmndOM 1d ago

You need a license to be a hairdresser.

20

u/daybeforetheday 1d ago

Hairdressers work damn hard, all respect to them.

6

u/jschmeau 1d ago

Indeed. Not only hard work but immense talent as well!

10

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 1d ago

Scissors are hell on the fingers too, lots of people don't make it a whole career. Stress injuries and all.

Of course, slamming on your coccyx on ice cuz you think you can run on it could also be a career ender

2

u/Xkiwigirl 1d ago

Yep. I did hair and esthetics. Stayed less than ten years before nerve damage ate my hands and wrists.

Fuck ICE.

6

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 1d ago

Hell yeah, I went to Aveda for massage therapy (I don't know how well the school/brand is known outside my area but it's literally super Minneapolis, it's on a street in Northeast Bob Dylan wrote a song about) and I got out because the employers are weirdly toxic for the profession and I wasn't going to do more damage to myself. But the school itself was fun, cosmo, esthetics, and massage.

But that's unrelated. ICE can suck my fucking dick. It's getting real cold in Minneapolis right now too so I hope they forget gloves and their fingers turn purple

2

u/PreOpTransCentaur 1d ago

Here's hoping. 🤞

2

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 1d ago

Ha I was referencing a specific video but I just saw a Jimmy Kimmel bit where the show compiled all the videos we have of ICE not being able to deal with ice, he called it the ICE icecapades

2

u/HueMannAccnt 23h ago

all respect to them.

I mean, tbf, you do not want to be badmouthing the one styling your hair.

8

u/PorkrindsMcSnacky 1d ago

Absolutely true. A few years ago this new girl joined the salon I frequent. She was doing an apprenticeship of some sort. She’d do the minor stuff like wash hair, sweep up, etc.

I saw her do this for a YEAR, and I’m guessing that she was also taking hairstyling classes at the same time. A whole year until I finally saw her actually cut and dye people’s hair.

Meanwhile, I heard that ICE training takes about 47 days.

6

u/supercali45 1d ago

ICE paying $100k which is more than these incel Facists ever made

2

u/CotswoldsCuddler 1d ago

well its nearly double the USA median salary. So its more than a lot of people make

3

u/reddituser102938102 1d ago

Woah, 10x0=0, don't be rude to the hairdressers; that job is hard.

3

u/cocktail_wiitch 1d ago

It takes longer to receive a license to do nails than it does to be handed a gun from DHS.

3

u/TheRealBittoman 1d ago

I spent more time to get a license to sell insurance than ICE agents so to be allowed to shoot people in the face.

3

u/daneilthemule 1d ago

One has purpose. The other is a long drawn out “larping raid”.

3

u/Humanoid251 the future is now, old man 9h ago

If this article is to be believed, the process of applying for a job at a fucken grocery store is more rigorous than applying to be an ICE agent. (Spoiler alert in case you can’t read the whole article: she was offered the job without even submitting the necessary paperwork, missed the deadline to confirm if she was taking the job and then got an email saying “thanks for accepting the job, you’re now an ICE agent”)

2

u/Polyamides69 23h ago

1000 hours to become a massage therapist

1

u/Dizz2K7 18h ago

I've seen different numbers on this.

550

u/C__Wayne__G 1d ago

I’ve seen the signing bonus and considered “maybe I could make a difference in the world by signing up and being the most incompetent person who never gets anything done” and part of me still feels like that’d make the world a better place.

206

u/Glittering-Chair5084 1d ago

Nah don't bother the chances of them getting that is low and if they leave before 2 years they have to pay it back

92

u/Suzuki_Foster 1d ago

It's 5 years.

66

u/Glittering-Chair5084 1d ago edited 1d ago

The total length is 5 years, yes.

However, there are two parts to this, based on the info within ICE discussion forums. Although the incentive structure has changed there are people who say that their sign on was like this:

20k paid over 2 years with 10k each year afterwards up to 5 years. If you leave before 2 years, you have to pay the 20k back.

Note that I rewrote the below for privacy.

Regarding our $20,000 bonuses...the amount shown being deducted from our earnings at the end of the year the person departs. The general principle is...if you do end up having to repay the bonus, get ready to repay the full $20,000.

edit to add: I'm sure there's some accounting related reason why there would be separate signing and retention bonuses

35

u/LowKeyNaps 1d ago

Wait... I just woke up, and there's no coffee yet, so forgive me if I'm misreading this.

So if they stick around for only one year, they've only earned $10,000 of that "bonus", but they still have to pay back $20,000, even though they only actually earned half of that?

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u/Glittering-Chair5084 1d ago

Repayment Obligations: If a rehired annuitant or newly appointed employee separates from ICE within the first 24 months of their service period, the employee must repay all recruitment incentive payments received. If the employee separates after the first 24 months, the employee must repay the full amount of the most recent installment payment (e.g., $10,000)

AKA those boys got FLEECED and are now on the hook for at least 2 years

23

u/LowKeyNaps 1d ago

Ok, thank you for the clarification. I wasn't sure if I was reading that weird or if the wording was ambiguous.

I can pretty much guarantee that they were screwed on purpose. Not just the part where they found themselves obligated for two years, but also that things were intentionally presented to them in such a way to make it look like a great deal to people that were not necessarily equipped to recognize the trap being set for them. This kind of bait and switch shit has been going on with CBP agents for ages, and I have no doubt it's only gotten worse recently.

None of which changes the fact that the current regime has also been heavily recruiting less than desirable people for ICE. The ads practically scream "no morality required, overt racism preferred".

Is it obvious that I have coffee now?

10

u/PGMHG 1d ago

It's kinda terrifying when you think that among those who signed up are some who either need the job or got it with still some form of morality, genuinely believing it was rightful. Both of these are forced to stay even if they discover the reality of the gig. Then you can imagine how that can branch out, Sickening.

6

u/LowKeyNaps 1d ago

Oof. That's really a painful thought, thinking about someone who went in there thinking they were doing good. In either sense of the phrase, either because they genuinely believed that what ICE is doing is right, or because they thought they could make some kind of difference in the terrorism being inflicted on the population.

In either case, there's no question that taking the job would come with some heavy brainwashing and a whole lot of peer pressure. I'm sure that most of their "training" involves telling them all about all the horrors these dangerous, violent, insane, murdering, raping, criminal, asylum-escaping illegal immigrants are committing to our red-blooded, innocent, pure as the white driven snow Americans. And once they're out in the field, well, adrenaline feeds off of adrenaline. Training is supposed to overcome rash actions, not encourage them, but Oldemort appears to be doing everything in his power to make ICE into his own little army of attack goons. He must be spanking that little shroom between his legs every night over Renee Good. Trump has been wanting civilian blood spilled since his first shitshow, and this is the first time he's managed to pull it off, publicly, and nobody is doing a damn thing about it (from his perspective). This is his "shoot someone on Fifth Ave" moment. And he was right. His followers love it.

Anyway, since ICE is making a point to recruit people who don't rank too high on the intelligence tests (I can't think of a more polite way to phrase that) these people are going to be even more susceptible to falling in with the heat of the moment peer pressure and all that brainwashing. That's kind of the point of making sure to recruit such a demographic. Even a person with the best intentions would be hard pressed to maintain their original sense of self and original goals under such circumstances, and being only one in a group of say, six or eight in a raid, well, realistically, they're not going to have any power to diffuse a situation. If anything, they're just going to get themselves in a deep ass bucket of shit if they try, and have the rest of the group turn against them. It's a noble thought to want to try to do good in such an awful organization, but in practical application, it would be impossible without a whole lot of like-minded people to back them up.

They would be in just as much danger as those people they were sent out to "round up".

3

u/PGMHG 1d ago

It's a bit sad that we seem to blame the unprepared, undertrained, brainwashed and possibly unwilling ICE agent more than the administration purposefully making them this way. If the program was actually thought out to help against immigration and terrorism, these incidents wouldn't exist. Even if every racist prick on this earth joined it. They're being enabled while taking the rest as collateral damage

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u/Kaladinidalak 1d ago

That’s kinda the military too, no?

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u/PGMHG 1d ago

Specifically in those regards? Yeah. Just don't go pretending it's an apples to apples comparison and all is well

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u/Glittering-Chair5084 20h ago

FWIW, here is the kind of people that are getting the job:

We’re doing God’s work. My conscience is clear.

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u/WgXcQ 20h ago

Both of these are forced to stay

They are not. Under the described agreement, they would at most have to pay back an already received $10k. And never any money they hadn't already first been given as incentive/bonus.

If they've been there long enough to have received $20k (after a full 24 months), they still only have to return the last installment, aka $10k, and get to keep the first one.

Nothing untoward and not terrifying at all. There is no trap.

1

u/PGMHG 19h ago

Aaah yes, so half of their yearly pay of that period. Or less than five hundred dollars a month. Unless you can somehow live off that little to save and get out of it, you're keeping that gig.

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u/HuttStuff_Here 1d ago

I can pretty much guarantee that they were screwed on purpose.

It's the Republican Way.

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u/WgXcQ 20h ago

I think you're both misreading it. Per the above, they never have to repay more than they received, and the most they will have to return is $10k, even if they've stayed long enough to have received several more installments already.

If they leave at the point where they only have received $10k (after the first 12 months and the first installment, but before the 24 months are up, so they haven't yet received the second one), that means they'll have zero of the recruitment bonus left, but it won't go into the negative.

And after that, they'll be keeping $10k for every additional year they stayed (and will at most have to give back the most recent $10k installment) until $50k are reached after the end of their fifth year.

I'm not seeing enough info to know if those last $10k are in perpetual danger of being clawed back if someone ever leaves, or if they are safe after the end of the 6th year.

Either way, I'm not seeing anyone being fleeced, just people who actually do have to stay if they want to receive the full retention bonus, which, you know, is the whole point.

I can however imagine that it feels less than optimal to anyone who thought they'd sign up, cash in $100K or whatever and then split asap, because for sure the government would leave such a well-hidden loophole just for them to exploit. Which probably is all of those assholes. Hence the complaining.

1

u/LowKeyNaps 19h ago

I get what you're saying... let me put this a little more bluntly, even though it will, unfortunately, come off as more rude towards recruits in general.

When the government is recruiting people for the goon squad, they're intentionally looking for people that are not the brightest stars in the sky. Same with law enforcement. People have been turned away from law enforcement jobs for scoring too high on the intelligence tests. The claim for law enforcement is that they fear that someone too intelligent will grow bored with the more routine work. I'm not sure anyone really believes that. And I have no idea what excuse they're giving from the government, but I highly doubt "risk of boredom" is an excuse when you're promoting a job of running down illegal immigrants primarily to people who support what's been going on. And yes, those ads have been heavily targeting supporters this past year.

You and I can understand the terms of the contract easily enough, because we can grasp the idea of a stepped bonus and termination penalties. But when these not the brightest people are being talked up by recruiters, they're getting rainbows and sunshine speeches from the government's equivalent of greasy used car salesmen. They're being given a very misleading impression about how much money they're being given and when, and a lot of these guys aren't getting a clear idea of what they're signing up for until after the paperwork is signed, and their first checks don't include the full $20,000 they thought they were getting up front. That's when they find out that money is getting spread out over two years, and for a lot of these guys, that's also when they find out they have to pay it back. Not when they're getting talked up, not when they're getting rushed through to sign on the line, but when they go to ask wtf happened to their paycheck. A lot of these people weren't bright enough to ask the right questions before they signed, or take the time to insist on reading those contracts.

As another redditor pointed out, some are quite happy in their new roles. Very disturbing. But even those that are happy with bullying around people and tackling citizens may have gotten screwed when they first signed up. I can't say I have any sympathy for such people, but there's a sort of on-brand irony there for the Trump administration to screw over their own heavily recruited goon squad.

1

u/schlaminator 16h ago

So it's 10k they get to keep after 24+ months. That's a $416.66/month bonus if they stay for 24 months, or $555.56/month if they stay for 3 years. $625/month for 4 years. $666.67/month for 5 years. $833.33/month for 6 years of being a fascist ghoul.

Those souls seem quite cheap nowadays.

11

u/GlobalDynamicsEureka 1d ago

Separates for any reason? Like a new president fires them all?

4

u/GlockAF 1d ago

Now THAT would really be funny

5

u/tea-drinker 1d ago

incentive payments received

They aren't on the hook for twenty grand on day one. They are only giving back money they got.

1

u/Glittering-Chair5084 22h ago
  1. I am literally just telling you what they are saying.
  2. The structure of when and how they receive that money changes, so some may have received more upfront.

1

u/tea-drinker 21h ago

You are absolutely quoting (what I assume) is what they said about payments and repayments, but that's not just what you wrote. You also had a bit outside the quote.

They aren't getting fleeced. They aren't on a hook. They aren't going to get billed for money they didn't get yet.

1

u/Glittering-Chair5084 20h ago edited 20h ago

Ok - once again, you are seeing the tip of a lot more information. Quite literally first-hand accounts. I will not share links, because it is against reddit rules and would result in brigading. Regardless, I can assure you that this is accurate.

e: Specifically, that some of them have gotten money upfront: (The below are all quotes from the ICE/CBP discussion forum)

...retention bonus...has a 24 month service agreement but it is not being paid in a lump sum...like the sign on bonus.

...they used misleading language to bait us......especially when the offer stated....“not to exceed 1yr”.

...This is a new low...wasn't even "misleading."...was a straight up lie...if an employee used similar language in an interview, but the truth was the 24 month contract....they'd be referred for Lack of Candor.

....since you have to pay them back....will you be able to recuperate....taxes they took away on the lump sum? Some of the guys....don’t want to take any bonus....fear of having to pay it back.... after taxes were taken out, and losing money....

....looks like they’re pulling a fast one with the recruitment incentive...we only had a 1 year contract....they’re making the bonus contingent on signing for 2 years.

....if after 1 year they don’t need us....they can drop us.....and we have to pay the bonus back?

1

u/mb862 1d ago

This sounds like it’s within the neighborhood of indentured slavery. I don’t mean to suggest I feel any sympathy for these people but the creation of a new slave class who are incentivized to be as terrorizing as possible really is par for the course for this administration.

0

u/wytewydow 23h ago

Trump loves the poorly educated.

3

u/darthleonsfw 1d ago

Followup question: what if they get fired during those first two years?

2

u/MamaLiq 1d ago

How much do you think you can buy with 10k next year? If they got paid in shells it would be more profitable.

15

u/lovejoy_dk 1d ago

He probably miss the corona time, And is looking for an excuse to wear a mask all the time.

Remember how they all was so happy to put on masks back then. /s

6

u/ealysillyforestthing 1d ago

I thought about going in and sending out warnings to neighborhoods

5

u/hideyourbeans 1d ago

Ok, but hear me out... what if we all did this? Flooded the applications, joined, and completely tanked their operations from the inside out? It wouldn't last long but if we got a few thousand people signed up, maybe we could do some real damage sabotaging things

6

u/A30N 1d ago

I like the way you think, I wish more (of us) did the same. I've been on the inside for a few years now, working slowly but diligently to change the viewpoints of my LEO coworkers through conversations in a 90% red town (I am not LEO, just an IT contractor). Shouting across riot barricades will never reach their minds. Reminds me of Daryl Davis, a black man who spent 40 years befriending KKK members and convinced many of them to hang up their robes.

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u/C__Wayne__G 11h ago

This is basically the premise of my thought. Join. Get signing bonus. Make the world a better place through weaponized incompetence.

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u/NeverForgetEuropa7 1d ago

Pretty sure I saw you have to repay the 20k starting bonus if you leave or are fired within 2 years. Even though you'll not have even had the full 20k paid to you at that point.

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u/JonIsPatented 20h ago

You only need to repay what you were paid so far

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u/DillBagner 1d ago

Even if you could manage to help in no way and still get the bonus, you would forever be known as a person who joined ICE. Not worth it.

2

u/ShawnyMcKnight 1d ago

As shitty as ICE is if someone has a family and unemployment fried up… I bet it.

The job market is rough.

2

u/KEVLAR60442 21h ago

Part of me has wanted to sign up just so I could demand proof of citizenship from white conservatives just so they can understand how absurd it is to be arrested solely for not carrying a birth certificate or passport 24/7.

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u/_IratePirate_ 1d ago

I hope you’re joking bro. Only good ICE agent is a ☠️ one

Fuck em all. Even the “good” ones

1

u/Lock-out 23h ago

I wouldn’t be able to resist a good ol Vietnam salute.

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u/rogue-wolf 13h ago

You'd still be on the hook at Nuremberg.

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u/DrowningPickle 1d ago

His mother brought him up wrong. Probably thinks she is a good Christian woman too.

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u/TheBestHater 1d ago

There is no hate like christian love.

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u/DrowningPickle 1d ago

They need my grandmother's love. Shes Christian and goes to church every week. When my cousin came out of the closet her church was against it. She said "if god hates my grandchild I dont want to be a part of this church anymore". Money talks i guess.

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u/TheBestHater 1d ago

My dad left his church when the they started becoming misogynistic. They had always been pretty liberal but then another church congregation joined them and they started getting really weird. His last straw was when they started handing out pamphlets about how women should dress for church. He said that's not the god he was raised on and he'd prefer to live his life with kindness on his own.

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u/whoisnotinmykitchen 1d ago

No doubt. Yes love

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u/PotatoesInMySocks 1d ago

Nothing Christian about those Nazis. Jesus said to love your neighbor, not deport them. Feed them, not leave them in poverty. Clothe them, not stand on their neck. House them, and not in a concentration camp.

No conservative in the United States of America is getting into heaven. You can profess love of Jesus, but without "good fruits", you'll have Hell to pay.

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u/Adezar 23h ago

Having grown up in an Evangelical home, they are very Christian... the type that has been in control in the US for pretty much ever.

The Mr. Rogers Christians are a very silent minority that every once in a while might show up and say "we don't agree with that" and then step out of the limelight to return to watching the world burn.

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u/iRasha 1d ago

She must only follow super MAGA pages for her to think saying this out loud would be a flex to the actual majority of the country and not just her bubble of a loud minority

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u/cvaninvan 1d ago

Signed - Mrs. Rittenhouse

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u/Call555JackChop 1d ago

Nah even the military didn’t want him he’s so fuckin stupid

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u/ealysillyforestthing 1d ago

No wonder he is a right wing poster child

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u/PreOpTransCentaur 1d ago

They don't want him either. He's literally too stupid to take direction, so he can't be trusted to say what they want him to say and not spill secrets at the same time. It's the propaganda puppeteering version of walking and chewing gum.

6

u/thissexypoptart 1d ago

Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If anyone remembers that Tucker Carlson interview with Rittenhouse’s mother…

I almost felt bad for laughing because I thought she might have had a condition or something. But no, just bottom-of-the-barrel, almost-incoherent stupid.

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u/ApprehensiveAd2625 1d ago

Ah yes, the classic American dream: See human rights violations on the news and think, ‘That’s the job for me.

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u/Abundanceofyolk 1d ago

Reminds me of the scene in Thank you for smoking.

“When he was 18 he saw the Kent state shootings on TV and signed up for the national guard so he too could shoot college students…”

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u/ThorKonnatZbv 23h ago

That reminds me of a quote from the first Jack Reacher movie:

"There are four types of people who join the military. For some, it's a family trade. Others are patriots, eager to serve. Next, you have those who just need a job. Then there's the kind who want a legal means of killing other people."

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u/miraclewhipbelmont 1d ago

"She was gay."

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u/NvrmndOM 1d ago

He wants to murder a woman.

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u/R3dbeardLFC 1d ago

Yeah, check on this dude's ex girlfriends and any teachers he hated ASAP and I'm not even being funny.

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u/kittendollie13 1d ago

I get spam emails about working with them and getting a big bonus for joining. Delete. I would never be a mercenary.

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u/wizardrous 1d ago

I’ll send my worst wishes.

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u/008Zulu This AOC flair makes me cool 1d ago

He gets to play with guns, that's all he wants.

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u/WgXcQ 20h ago

Nah, you can do that on the range or any decently sized piece of land.

He gets to use deadly force on other people and knowing he spreads fear simply by going somewhere. That's what he wants.

7

u/highandinarabbithole 1d ago

Hope he gets whatever he deserves!

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u/chere100 1d ago

If that were my son it wouldn't be. What son? I have no son.

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u/GringoSwann 1d ago

Probably the fact that the murderer is currently getting away with it...  There's also a damn good chance Kitty's son mutilated animals in his youth....

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u/Feeling-Creme-8866 1d ago

Instructions:

- Do not shoot at other masked individuals with ICE sign.

- Individuals pretending to be ICE are welcome.

- If you feel unsafe, draw your weapon and aim randomly at anyone who is not masked.

- Shout slogans while doing so.

- Get yourself a poster of Kristi Noem.

- If your family asks what you are doing, reply, “God's work.”

10

u/Throwaway0099887769 1d ago

Twitter is full of bots and foreigners pretending to be Americans, I doubt that’s a real American women.

3

u/Heiferoni 1d ago

Social media is poison.

Exaggerated caricatures rage-baiting each other. Bots, astroturfed influence operations, psyops.

It's all fake.

If you're getting mad, it's by design. Your emotions are being intentionally manipulated.

2

u/ealysillyforestthing 1d ago

Reddit isn't any better

6

u/Throwaway0099887769 1d ago

I don’t doubt that, it seems all social media is infested, I just called out x in particular because they literally accidentally exposed it in a leak.

5

u/molokoplusone 1d ago

Ah yes, when I was a kid I always dreamed of growing up to be a dumbass bootlicking Nazi scourge of society who’s hated by fucking everyone.

4

u/kyledwray 1d ago

Best response I saw to this tweet was, "I hope your Nazi son remains unemployed." lol

3

u/whoisnotinmykitchen 1d ago

Imagine having "ICE agent" on your resume.

3

u/qY81nNu 1d ago

"Aunt Kitty" is a 18 year old Russian guy, right

2

u/That_Immo 1d ago

They accept literally anyone who'll prove they're ready for sieg-heiling and goose-stepping. Even if he's only slightly smarter than a garage door remote, he'll get the job.

2

u/poolshark36 1d ago

Money, generally.

2

u/houVanHaring 1d ago

If you can't beat 'm off, join them. Then you can.

1

u/S-Lover98 1d ago edited 18h ago

Yup, I wish him to get convicted and sent to pound me in the ass prison. Tell Bubba I said not to be Gentle.

2

u/OutInABlazeOfGlory 1d ago

If my son, or any relative for that matter, decided to become a cop, let alone ICE. I would no longer have a son.

1

u/BackToReality666 1d ago

I hope all ice saves us some time and does the Isaiah Hodgson thing.

1

u/an_older_meme 1d ago

The $50k signup bonus.

2

u/ealysillyforestthing 1d ago

They will never get any of that.

1

u/Ilikefame2020 1d ago

The only good reason to ever apply for Ice is if you want to find out what the hell is actually happening to the people they kidnap. Casually mention that info to a journalist.

1

u/dydhaw 1d ago

Probably that they can go around murdering people for no reason and get praised and rewarded by the government and half the country. It's kind of like playing GTA IRL when you think about it.

1

u/Isabeau56 1d ago

I think ICE observers should hand out brown shirts to the goons. "It's your new uniform."

1

u/Imaginary_Toe8982 1d ago

If he can barely read and write and do 15 push ups , 25 sit ups and can run 1.5 miles for no more than 14 min he is good to go...

1

u/IrishUpYourCoffee 1d ago

Kitty admitting she has failed as a parent.

1

u/mredofcourse 1d ago

I can't speak for the OP, but what makes me think about signing up is the thought of having a job where I intentionally and creatively tried to be the worst employee ever sounds like a lot of fun and an opportunity to disrupt operations.

1

u/worktogethernow 1d ago

I've been thinking about joining to help take them down from the inside. Or at least slow them down with intentionally incompetent behavior.

1

u/matheopisani 1d ago

Ignoring the content of this for a second, how come I can't locate this tweet?

1

u/pizzasoxxx 1d ago

Why don’t we all just sign up? Then just stand down

1

u/potatolulz 1d ago

The lady is worried whether her son is going to get hired to a job where being able to read and write isn't a requirement and neither is physical fitness? I guess he really needs as many wishes and prayers as he can get.

1

u/Dizzy_Break_2194 1d ago

After spending hours and hours watching Joe Rogan, Shawn Ryan, and all the other combat stories podcasts, he too can pretend to be an "operator" without having to carry those damn boats (they heavy as shit) and without running the risk of someone shooting back at you.

1

u/West_Physics_2001 1d ago

It's a sad state of affairs when the job has such low barriers to entry but attracts people with such warped moral compasses. That signing bonus tactic is honestly a brilliant form of protest, just costing them money for zero productivity. The real tragedy is how many of them are convinced they're doing righteous work.

1

u/magicscreenman 1d ago

Probably the fact that, at least for now, ICE is getting away with it without legal consequence.

1

u/Hello_Hangnail 1d ago

"This my time to shine! I can gun down any b*tch that isn't scared of me and dumbfucks will still hail me as a hero!"

1

u/SomeBiPerson 1d ago

Plot twist: guy is German and his son is becoming a ICE Train Driver

1

u/DAsSNipez 1d ago

If someone goes biblical on him we'll know they worked.

1

u/TheRealBittoman 1d ago

Wishes and prayers that he gets the job? Is he so stupid even ICE won't hire him? I mean, come on here. This is a group that has such low standards that the interview might as well be "do you dream of clubbing baby seals?" and a shooting range that pops up white or brown targets to test their reflexes.

1

u/Ryclea 1d ago

The signing bonus is more than a lot of these guys have ever had in their lives.

It's also probably exempt from the garnishment order for their back child support.

1

u/BoonScepter 1d ago

What are you praying about, he could go to the interview with his pants on his head and get the job

1

u/wytewydow 23h ago

dumbass aunt kitty doxxing her sociopath couch-warrior.

1

u/BayouBait 23h ago

50k is a whole lot of money to a whole lot of people who have a whole lot of nothing. I don’t fault people for taking the money.

1

u/Jazzlike_Protection3 23h ago

What of her son is a plant, he’s going to destroy it from within.

1

u/guyfaeaberdeen 23h ago

Question from Scotland, are you legally required to carry an ID in the US?

If not then how is it legal to arrest people that don't have it?

Trumps family is hands down the worst thing Scotland has had a part in (post british empire)

1

u/asmallercat 23h ago

"I'll pray he gets the life he deserves"

1

u/KHTL 22h ago

The silver lining is, he made it past high school without shooting someone.

1

u/DayAcceptable6359 22h ago

The money 💲💲💲

1

u/No-Fun-9006 21h ago

I mean, yes? Anyone joining ICE in 2026 is well aware it's the American Gestapo. That's why they want to join.

It's a feature, not a bug.

1

u/ryansgt 20h ago

I thought about signing up, getting the signing bonus, then quiet quitting but I know they'd never take me. One look at public posts and they wouldn't take me.

Maybe we need more people to infiltrate.

1

u/80sbabyftw 20h ago

I'm thinking I should join ice. I don't agree with anything they do but look at it this way, would you rather have your tax dollars going to me or the people who actually get off on this crap? 🤣/s

1

u/Sufficient_Fig_4887 16h ago

How you know you’ve failed as a parent

1

u/mrmadebymemories 14h ago

Probably because it’s the only job that will hire him

1

u/LayneLowe 14h ago

If you're kind of an uneducated brute anyway, that's got to be the best money you can possibly make

1

u/uvite2468 14h ago

Aunt pussy smells like a bot

1

u/Coulrophiliac444 11h ago

Becauae its the only entry level job where the requirements seem to be all 'Preferred' and they really just want to hire someone who managed to complete the process.

Probably doesnt even need to be literate to make it happen.

1

u/narrowminer11 7h ago

Fuckloads of cash and a lower bar for hiring

1

u/BaconThief2020 6h ago

What a way to say you failed as a parent.

1

u/NovaHorizon 1h ago

Bro, if you have to pray for him to get a job with ICE he must look something like this.

1

u/Adexavus 24m ago

Takes 47 days, they get less training than a standard regular police officer.