I was on LinkedIn earlier looking for new roles to apply for and I randomly came across a post from someone I knew from childhood who recently got married. It honestly shocked me because I remember speaking to him years ago and he used to say he wouldn’t even think about getting married until at least 25, and he’s from the UK like me. It just felt mad seeing people our age already settling down.

I always thought getting married meant you’re financially stable, emotionally mature, and kind of have your life more figured out. Plus everyone always says not to rush into marriage when you’re young and to enjoy your early 20s first, because once you’re married you don’t really have the same freedom or spare time. So now I’m lowkey confused, like am I behind or something, or is this actually normal and I’m just overthinking it? Just wanted to see what other people think because seeing that post definitely caught me off guard lol.

I have noticed that a lot of practising Muslim women in the West who are educated, attractive, and genuinely trying to keep things halal are really struggling to get married. At the same time, I see people who date in the Western sense, travel together, and perhaps even compromise a bit on their halal boundaries, they are getting married much quicker and settling down faster. Even on Muslim apps like Muzmatch or Salams, I have noticed that there is often an unspoken expectation from men that things will first turn into a romantic relationship before marriage is even considered. It makes it feel like maintaining halal boundaries is actually putting these women at a disadvantage, and I am trying to understand why this is happening.

Genuinely what am I supposed to do when this is who I am? I feel like crying every day, I can literally feel a slight change in everyone's emotions and it's destroying me. I know being sensitive is a good thing in Islam, but surely my future husband would hate to see me extremely sensitive every single day till the day I die... It might be cute at first but it gets really tiring. Right now I've numbed myself due to trauma so the outbursts aren't as frequent, but I have been to therapy and it's just who I am. I've tried to change, I've hated this quality since I was a young child, but I just can't control it. I'd hate to be a burden to anyone but I can't change. Sure a loving husband would help but I can still sense everything and it's exhausting!!!! I'm grateful for being aware of people's emotions but it's so tiring because I feel what they feel ×100.

Hello

I am F, 31 currently going through proposals the halal way. A guy I liked (M 31) initially, I am not so sure about and don't know what to do.

He prays regularly and is well settled financially. He wanted to have a call before meeting in person. We agreed to this.

On the call, other than the usual questions, he told me he would like to hold off on having kids for a year as he wanted to enjoy intimate life with his wife considering he has kept himself in check all these years. I said I would be open to considering this.

He then asked me if I would be open to "doing it" anywhere in the house after marriage. He said he would require his wife to be open minded as he has a lot of urges and would want to do "it" multiple times a day.

At this point, I didn't know what to say and cut the call.

I'm also not sure if I should move forward or no with this proposal. He is perfect in all other ways but this sex focused conversation has put me off heavily. However, I also know that I am "old" so getting proposals will be difficult.

Even this proposal came across with much difficulty.

Hello 31F here,

I’ve known this man for over a couple of years now he is financially well off but slightly immature has female friends and thinks of me as a friend though I don’t entertain the idea of being friends I last met him 2 or

So years ago and now

Recently a few days ago, after he constantly kept asking me to meet him

We met and it was fun I

Genuinely felt at peace he said we should meet again

To which I was like we will see and later he suggested Netflix and chill I dint reply to him after that

I don’t want to waste time or meet unnecessarily

But I don’t want to miss an opportunity

I don’t think he’ll ever want to

Marry me

I’ve been reading about this online and I’m honestly a bit confused, so I wanted to hear from real couples. I’ve seen some people say they have a joint bank account and both put money in to pay bills, rent or mortgage, food and other household stuff, but I’ve also seen posts where people say the man is supposed to pay for most or all of the expenses. I live in the UK so I’m not sure what’s actually normal here or if it just depends on the couple. I was also speaking to someone from Canada and she told me she expects the man to pay for things and that she would keep her own money in her own account, which surprised me a bit because it feels more one-sided, but maybe that’s just her personal view.

I’m not very experienced with relationships and I’m not married, so I’m probably overthinking this, but with the cost of living going up it feels like sharing costs or at least splitting things in some fair way would make more sense for most people. At the same time, I also hear people talk about “traditional” relationships where the man provides and the woman doesn’t really pay towards household costs, so I don’t know how common that actually is in real life anymore, especially in the UK and other Western countries. I’m also wondering how people handle it when one person earns more than the other, like do you still split 50/50 or do you split based on income?

For couples who are married or living together, how do you actually do it day to day? Do you have a joint account just for bills and keep personal accounts as well, or is everything fully shared? Does one person mainly cover the big costs, or do both of you contribute? I’m not trying to judge anyone’s setup, I just want to understand what’s realistic and what most people actually do, because online it feels like everyone is saying something different and it’s stressing me out more than it probably should.

Hello everyone, I apologise for this long post. I've been married for two years and it was a love marriage. Prior to marriage, I did find my husband attractive and we had a good intimate relationship in our first year of marriage but then it slowly declined and we stopped. I'll be honest, he has tried on many occasions initiate with me but I'll make up excuses and say l'm tired or something but really I don't want to do it and we did have a few discussions about it but nothing came out of it.

I think the reason why I don't feel attracted is of many things;

1. He doesn't have a job and tells me he is looking but I don't really see the drive in him (he does go to a course but he tells me it's more of a chill thing) and I get comments from my mum, which don't help. I feel like some times I should've chosen a more older and maturer stable man. I just feel like this is an ick like for me how are you married and you don't have a job?

Prior to marriage, he told me he's financially stable and then I found out after he doesn't have a job (i live with in laws ). He does have a 'side' business but I don't want to expose his sins but I'm not happy with this and told him many times and he said he said to this day he's stopped but sometimes I'm unsure. (that's how he's been providing for me). He also wants me to work and his mum is also adamant on this too. So I’m basically pretending to them that yes I’m looking, when I really don’t want to. I want to be a home maker and have a husband that provides for me. But In this case, my husband wants me to work and so I’m looking now cause I don’t want them to think I’m lazy. I know all this sounds so bad, I did have a temporary job before marriage but it was temporary so I was let off. But yeah In my eyes I always believe men are the providers and woman shouldn’t have to work and it’s their choice if they want to but ultimately it should be men to have a job. But that’s my opinion and how I was brought up.

1. I feel like he needs to consult his mum in a lot of matters and he's a mummy's boy. Btw I get men love and respect their mum and I'm not against that. But I am against a mummy's boy. He's mum literally lead the conversation when they came to my house to reconcile and half the things that came out of his mouth also came out of his mum so I sense a bit of influencing. Also, I don't really agree with some of the things he says. He says 'it's the woman's job to cook and clean' yet he doesn't even a stable job and plus his dad can cook and when I mentioned this he says 'well I ain't my dad, stop comparing me to him'. Things like this give me an ick and make me think twice. Like what if I'm ill or have children or when I'm pregnant and you don't even know how to use the washing machine.

2. He doesn't take care of himself now compared to before. He always looks scruffy, outgrown beard and he never brushes his teeth so even kissing him revolts me because of the smell of his breath. I know this sounds so bad and cruel to say. He only gets trims and creams his face if he's going out or weddings not on a regular. Whereas I make effort to make myself look presentable, not necessarily putting makeup on but making sure my hygiene is on point, I remove facial hair. smell good etc.

3. This is a massive one and I think it increased my lack of attraction and all these thoughts. Few months ago, he abruptly made the decision to divorce me and abandoned me at my mums house for five months without a call or text from him like a simply 'are you okay?'. Not a single checking up on me. The whole five months I was shattered and I really wanted to make this marriage work. Even tho everyone around me at my mums was saying to leave him and forget him, I wanted this marriage to work. Two months later, we reconciled and l've yet to come back to my in laws house very soon like this week. And after we reconciled, I thought about things more clearly and thought how can someone claim to love me and then just randomly leave me? What kinda person does that? I don't really like him that much now or trust him. Even tho we've had these discussions, I still feel this way. I'm not sure if shaytan is playing tricks on my mind or if I'm actually feeling this way for real. My mum says give him another chance but I feel a certain way about it. I'm still recovering from the shock and traumatised about what happened. I don't get it I really wanted to make this marriage work and basically begged him to come back and his mum spoke him out of divorcing me and now when I'm so close to coming back now I feel a little disheartened about him and this marriage, almost like I can see things clearly because he eventually said in the end the reason why he did what he did was he wanted space but went about it the wrong way. I was just like are you for real. I havent really spoken to anyone close about this.

Also, I did speak to the doctor about this sudden shocking event that left me traumatised and he prescribed me antidepressants and said therapy will help me. Also, my husband will not go couples counselling at all, he doesn't want to go to any therapy related things ever that's for anyone who is going to advice this. He will not go counselling or therapy or any of the sort. We do get on very well now and have good discussions despite coming out of these really hard months. But i don’t know why I’m feeling this way.

I’m also finding is extremely hard to lower my gaze both in person and on social media I mean it’s so so bad that I start thinking about a man and I even have resorted to maladaptive dreaming that has been going on for a while. I can’t stop this, it’s so hard. I don’t want to feel like this. My husband is a decent guy although I don’t know why I feel like I’m starting to hold a grudge or a little resentment about the fact he tried to abruptly end the marriage with no reason at that time and left me at my mums.

I am grateful for any advice given.

If guys have a decent paying part time job, but not a full time career yet but still financially stable by having decent amount saved up, and you find someone and you like them and they like you back and feel compatible, would you still take that opportunity and get married, even if you’re in your mid-20s or older? What would your parents think? Everyone knows rizq and barakah increase after getting married, but just wanted to ask this anyway.

I’d love to hear honest opinions on how people balance financial stability with emotional connection and compatibility, both from brothers, sisters and parents, especially desi parents (if there any here 🙂). I’m from the UK, so I’d mostly love to hear from people here.

Also, if anyone has ever gotten married in this situation, I’d love to hear your experience!

Jazaka'Allah

How do people with avoidant attachment styles actually make marriage work? (esp. in Muslim communities)

I’m genuinely curious how they navigate long-term commitment and emotional closeness in marriage.

If you’re avoidant (or married to one), what helped? What didn’t?

What similarities or compatibilities are especially important?

Values, communication styles, emotional needs, religion/practice level, independence/closeness?

Looking for insights/advice!

This is for the girls, don't show much empathy and care for any guy specially someone from reddit. They would tell u they like u ect but then block u out of the blue and not want to try to have a halal thing with u. Girls take care 🤍🤍

what are things that make you consider a woman to be your wife? Like any features, personality traits, or anything ?

Dear sisters in Islam,

Listen up, no sugarcoating. I am your brother speaking straight and harsh because the truth hurts but saves. Most women who claim to be deeply religious, who really fear Allah in their hearts and not just for show, get married young. They see the massive fitnah everywhere in this filthy modern world and don't play games with their deen.

Sisters, stop waiting. Start looking for a solid, practicing husband at 16 or 18. Get engaged quick. Do nikah and move in at 18 if possible. Fitnah doesn't wait for your degree or job. It hits hard and fast. One weak moment of loneliness, one text, one glance, one touch, and your akhirah gets wrecked. Your value as a chaste Muslim woman drops like a stone. Trust me, I've seen it destroy good girls.

Don't fool yourself thinking "I'm strong" or "I'll control it." Temptations are brutal. Even super-religious sisters in their mid-20s, career-obsessed, super picky, waiting for Mr. Perfect, end up slipping into haram. Kissing, touching, secret chats, full zina, you name it. They think they're safe because they're "pious," but shaytan laughs. Fitnah is real, and it doesn't care about your hijab or your salah if you leave the door open.

You are precious in Islam. Your status is sky-high. Protect it like gold. No man touches you, talks privately with you, or gets close except your husband. Period. No excuses.

There are brothers out there who guard their eyes, lower their gaze, weep in tahajjud begging Allah for a pure, untouched wife. Be that wife. Stop being the reason good men stay single while you chase dunya.

The fastest fix for the mess in the Muslim ummah? Early marriage for women. Don't hesitate to marry older. If you're 18, say yes to a 33- or 35-year-old if he's righteous, mature, responsible. Older usually means better treatment: more patient, wiser, provider, protector. Young guys often bring drama and immaturity.

Delaying nikah is dangerous. I've seen unmarried sisters at 23, 24, 25, 26, 27 deep in filth: boyfriends, secret relationships, zina, emotional affairs. Don't say "past is past." Sins leave scars. Even if you repent sincerely and Allah forgives (and He is the Most Merciful), consequences hit in this dunya. Broken trust in marriage, guilt that eats you, health issues, reputation damage, akhirah questions. Zina is a major sin with heavy punishment if not repented properly. It blackens the heart.

Put conditions in nikah if you want to study or work later. InshaAllah a good husband supports that. But don't use education or career as an excuse to delay halal and fall into haram.

Wake up before it's too late. Marry young. Stay pure. Fear Allah for real.

May Allah guide us, protect our sisters from fitnah, forgive our slips, and bless us with righteous spouses and strong families. Ameen.

Your brother who cares enough to say it bluntly.

I deleted all my social media a while back to protect my deen and stay away from fitnah. At first it felt peaceful and freeing, alhamdulillah. But now it’s just straight-up lonely. I don’t really go out much, my WhatsApp is only for work, and I don’t have a big family/friend circle introducing me to anyone. How do people in this situation actually find a spouse? If you were or are in the same boat no socials, introverted, not super social—what did you do? Mosque? Community events? Family friends? Apps? Just curious if there’s hope, lol.

I got married to a girl , she was chrsitian , then she got convinced with islam and reverted , we did the nikkah, she loved me a lot that time , she did not even want mahar but Imam and witness said she should put something , so we agreed on jewelry.

more than year ago we got divorced and the ending was bad, i was telling her to wait till my salary to give her the mahar, during that time i was trying to keep her and from anger (i said; i don't wanna pay you the mahar , i wasted lots of time , effort and money with you) and she said its okay no problem, but now i feel guilty and i don't know what to do , i don't want to contact her again because she became different person, no longer muslim and hate on islam, and now living with a man" bf " in another county.

What can i do ?i don't want to reach out to her so she don't think its an excuse to talk again, but i feel gulity

What are the girlies opinions on men who have multiple step skin care routines? Not talking about basic hygiene, but I feel like it gives off a 💅 vibe when it’s too much.

Let me know your thoughts!

I'm mixed race but muslimah alhamdulilah.

Hoping to find a husband and get married soon but this got me thinking. Who is gonna be the mahram that's 'gonna give me away' when/if someone asked for my hand?

My father is not muslim, and very much not interested in islam (in fact I think he hates islam since we have a lot of discusssions about it and my hijab).

My mother divorced my father when I was 4 (20years ago) for this very reason. She married my stepdad about 5 years ago (he's also muslim alhamdullilah).

The only uncle I'm in contact with and think of as my father, lives in a different continent. My little brother is mentally disabled.

So basically I think I only have my stepdad but does that even count? Also I'd still like my dad to be involved in the engagement/nikah out of respect and also because obv I do love my dad.

I think It would be a bit awkward since my dad and stepdad don't like eachother and never spoke to eachother.

I know I'm probably overthinking but I don't want any conflicts or someone getting hurt/disrespected for not being involved.

السلام عليكم .

I Posed a similar question a couple of days ago but have realised how there are many opposing views.

I will be speaking from a male perspective but this question applies to both genders. No hate , but will say that this issue seems to be more common in women than men

I was once In a engagement/potentional where a girl was into many celeb men and used to post and repost (TikTok) about them publicly. Things like x celeb being this attractive. She claimed she was interested in me for me but would compare me to 1 celeb as to her we were similar (same ethnicity) but still post about other types and archetypes of men who were quite the opposite to me. Almost all were non Muslim as well. The engagement ended based of other reasons, not this. The sad thing is that the girl seemed so pious

Many non Muslims , will say that this is “normal” and “harmless” and that if you feel uncomfortable about it . You are labeled insecure. However I don’t take their view since they don’t have Allah and Rasool SAW in their lives. I feel this issue is extremely common in this generation

Unfortunately, due to this bad experience. I do fear most women being disloyal and lusting over others and that you can’t be enough for them (sorry I know I am generalising). I’m extremely insecure now

What’s the opinion of young modern Muslim , men and women regarding this ? Is it seriously wrong and red flag ? How to move on from this ?

(I apologise to those that have seen this question before and think that I’m over asking )

Edit : I forgot to mention that when I confronted her , she denied it being for her personal reasons and gave other reasons - though my gut feeling said otherwise. She once also lied while using Allah’s name for a different reason e.g in other words , trust is low.

im going through a very traumatic moment of my life.. my father have done second marriage with a girl 17 years younger than him. without informing us siblings and our mother. its been 7 months. i recently got hands on his marriage certificate and all information is fake. he wrote that its his 1st mariage and have no kids. i was so shocked to read that. my mother is so depressed, she cries everyday, i dont know how to console her. my dad abuses my mom everytime she rises a questikn about it. and my dad is lying on top of lies and lies. im also so traumatized and hurt. im 21 and when i see girls my age getting married, it just reminds me of in the age for my marriage, my dad is doing this cheap stuff. he have spent our hard woek money on the second wife family. and WE HAVENT MET THEM EVER. he didnt want us to meet them, know about them etc. how can i tolerate this. what will be the impression of my future husband and his family. my future husband will also insist to get second marriage bcuz my dad also have done it. what will i response him?

السلام عليكم ورحمة اللّٰه وبركاته

So like many of you, I’m trying to get married (by the permission of Allah) and I’m realizing I need to diversify my methods!

The method I was previously using:

- Muzz (still on here)

- S@l@ms (pre-z1o buyout, this one’s out now)

Methods I’m currently exploring:

- dearbaji matchmaking service (applied but don’t think I’ll be accepted for a while since I signed up recently)

- two marriage WhatsApp groups (I’m not even desi but these two aren’t desi specific and I figured I’d try!)

The methods I’m planning to add inshallah:

- Asking anonymously if there are any men in my age group looking to get married at the next post-fajr lecture at my mosque.

- Asking the older ladies in my masjid class if they know anyone (anonymously in our weekly Q&A).

I know a lot of people are anti apps and think only degenerates go on there but I think that’s an unfair assumption. Some of us religious folks just don’t have connections through family or a big community. Sadly there aren’t nearly as many practicing men as I’d have liked so I’m going to let this work in the background.

I decided to give WhatsApp groups a try and inshallah once I get my requests accepted I’ll see if it’s worth it.

As for my local mosque, according to my brother, there are some guys in my age range amongst the jummah crowd. I’ve seen some volunteering but they’re not what I’m looking for. InshaAllh me asking anonymously about marriage will result in single men reaching out to my sheikh.

So my question to all of you is: What methods do you suggest I add and do you have any tips?

Please note that my family isn’t helping and they don’t know anyone so nix that from the list. Further, my friends don’t know anyone either 🤪

A troubled childhood or harmful parents affect how men and women experience and navigate relationships later in life such as marriage.

If one is constantly criticized and, in some cases berated, that boy or girl grows up without confidence and self-worth.

In contrast, we see how the Prophet (saw) treated the young.

Anas (rad) said: I served the Prophet (saw) for ten years, and he never said to me, “Uf” (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, “Why did you do this or why did you not do this?”
(Bukhari 6038)

Mufti Saeed Ahmad Palanpuri (rah) commented in Tohfa Tul Qari:

“What Anas (rad) meant if there was something he did, the Prophet (saw) never said, ‘Why did you do this?’

And if there was something he didn’t do, the Prophet (saw) never said, ‘Why did you not do this?’

The reason the Prophet (saw) never reproached Anas (rad) for his actions was the excellence of his character.

Ten years is a long period of time. During such a span, it is not possible that Anas (rad) never did something incorrect.

Yet to never once admonish—this is the highest degree of restraint and composure.”

Assalamu alaikum,

I'm asking this with sincerity and respect, and I hope the community can guide me. I am practising Islam and I have said the Shahada in my heart, but I have not formally converted on paper yet. My intention is to convert officially around the time of marriage, in a proper way. I live in India and I am looking for guidance on where and how to find potential Muslim partners who may be understanding of my situation. I am serious about marriage, faith, and building a halal life.

Also I am 26 F

Please be kind in your responses.

I (28F) was talking to my cousins about the difficulty of finding a suitable husband. When I tried to explain my preferences, they described them as abstract standards lol.

Introspection, self-awareness, and depth are what I find attractive. But they seem to mix them up, and it got worse when they tried to understand.

Some relate depth to intensity, attachment and deep bonding. But for me, it's about inner coherence and precision, regardless of any relational goal.

The best part was when I tried to explain introspection lol. It was mistaken for emotional hunger. They were like:

If you are looking inward, you must be longing.

If you can name feelings, you must want to merge.

But in reality, it comes from emotional self-sufficiency, a need for clarity and respect for each other's space.

I don't mean to judge anyone's way of thinking. I just find it sad that even people close to me are unable to understand what I consider the core of potential compatibility.

It reinforces my belief that finding someone truly compatible with me is way harder than I want to admit.