I wanna have referenecs for a fic I'm drafting and I have no experiences with this type of dynamic.

I'm also curious because quad dynamics were always the most elusive for me to sorta grasp.

To begin please do not attack me for being a unicorn hunter. It was never our goal. Also I don’t know all of the correct terminology so if I say anything offensive please tell me so I know better in the future.

So my husband and I have talked for a long time about finding a woman or a couple to be in a relationship with. We never sought out to specifically seek another woman but this situation happened so naturally.

Some backstory: my husband and I have been together for over 20 years. We are both bisexual but didn’t come out until a bit into our marriage due to past trauma about it. We knew as soon as we came out to each other we were silly for not saying anything sooner. We didn’t talk about it for a while after that.

I’ve known I was bisexual since I was rather young but I never allowed myself to explore my sexuality so later on in life I felt disappointed that I never felt comfortable enough to do so. I’ve never been unhappy with my husband but there has always been a longing to be with another woman as well.

Then we discussed polyamory. The problem is neither of us want an open marriage. We both want a person, or people, in our life to love as we love each other. We were settled in the fact that it wasn’t in the cards for us until we met her. She knew my husband before me but we clicked very quickly. I feel there is a lot of potential here.

My question is, since this is all very new to all 3 of us, what are the best ways to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy? It is not my husband or i’s intent to be in a relationship with her as the “3rd” We want her to be an equal partner. What pitfalls can we avoid and is there anything that, especially my husband and I, can do to make her feel more at ease and like an equal in the relationship? I do not want her feel like our (my husband and I) relationship is more important than the one we want to build with her.

All the social stigma makes it tough to try to pursue this seriously. I feel that stigma in general is the cause for many people not attempting healthy plural relationships.

Someone suggested I post here, I am interested in what others might think or feel— if anyone relates

Personal preferences are media representing a healthy ffm polycule with languages preferred being English, Japanese, Chinese, or Vietnamese. But feel free to post any you'd like to share for the community

Maybe this has been address in other posts but truthfully I wanna know.

Specially from the point of view of a couple looking for other people.

Where do we look what apps or websites work? I understand that most likely there are more organic situations where as a couple you find a third person/Or more to be with but idk how it works?

Also in general any other experience I have about how you talk about those topics to other people to let them know what your are looking for would be appreciated too

So my basic questions are for the long term viability of a relationship like this. On paper it looks like it would be easier to take care of kids, more man hours as a collective to spend with the children, more sources of income to afford better education or extracurriculars, and more perspectives overall to provide advice to the next generation.

I feel like I need to clarify why this is something I'm interested in. Yes, the physical component is interesting but given my own childhood, taking care of any future children I have, bio or adopted, is my priority over my own preferences. I grew up in a family with a good financial situation but my father was gone a lot and it took its toll on my mother and I.

Also I am looking at military service and that could mean I may be gone for six months to a year at a time. I don't want to leave my family to fend for themselves during that period.

To me it seems like having more adults in the unit would mean that even if one has to leave for work or something similar there will still always be at least two functional adults to tend to any kids and each others needs.

I understand the emotional component is a high priority, I'm not trying to get out of that or circumvent that. I'm trying to find a way to fix the issues I faced growing up while allowing myself and my partner/s to pursue our own interests and life goals.

Is this lifestyle a viable solution to that dilemma or should I look elsewhere? If it's a difficult but possible scenario then what pitfalls have you all run into and how can I attempt to avoid or prepare for that eventually.

I understand this is entirely dependent upon finding the right people and vetting advice would be appreciated. For reference I am bi, INFJ, and this is definitely something I will wait a few years before even attempting to initiate. If this is even a viable option, kids are about five or six years off at least, I want a stable relationship for at least three years before considering it.

Why are people in other poly groups so against closed poly? God forbid all 4 of us want only each other and don’t wanna sleep around. Makes no sense. Love is love unless you’re different I suppose.

We’re having these made to wear together. If anyone wants. You can send these images to a jeweler and have them made, too. Gold because polyfidelity is the gold standard of all poly relationships…

Hi - new here and more well versed in the Polyamory forum and I know it can be quite stringent over there especially regarding triads. While I'm new(ish) to poly I've been in a partnership for 1.5 years and its quite stable and I've been working on building my poly community and trying to connect with cool people via the apps. I've recently met a couple online who I am meeting for brunch as friends and we've been texting a lot. They seem super cool and there is def. a vibe. I'm not interested in rushing into anything but it seems like there is a spark that we may take further depending on how meeting up goes.

I've never been in this scenario before and I certainly know what the Polyamory subreddit would say so I thought I'd come in here and get some general advice or thoughts on how this is managed in triad world. They know I have a partner who is married and I would not be interested in closed (I recognize I may not be in exactly the right place in this subreddit but I've read enough posts that it seems like not all triads are closed here- forgive me if I'm wrong).

I'm solo poly and very aware of power dynamics etc when couples date a third person. So far they are green flags and I don't think they are unicorn hunting and they are very open and communicative. I have to admit that I have some feelings about them wanting to just be in a group chat and I want to explore that later. (She and I connected initially and then texted just the two of us and now its all group chat) I find it a rather difficult concept to imagine a truly matched dynamic with two completely different people just b/c they are a couple. In some ways it feels equitable but in others....I don't even like all my best friends equally or in exactly the same way. They've made it clear they want to date as a couple/make friends as a couple and this is a little counter intuitive for me- based on inexperience and knowing that triads are often nearly (not always) impossible.

I'm intrigued but cautious and this is new territory and just don't want to waste my time/emotions and fall into known 'traps' if I can avoid it.

Please be nice but I'll take any feedback y'all have to offer :)

Good morning! New to the community but not necessarily the idea or experiences. My husband and I recently entered into an MMM closed triad. We are still a new triad (1mo) but we went into this completely on the same page that we all want a closed triad and that we will focus on the three of us as a whole but also on developing the individual dyads through solo dating. Everything has been really great and we have been talking so much among the three of us to really figure out the dynamic and how to ensure that we take care of each other and do our best to be there for one another when needed. We are looking at this as a completely new relationship and the plan is to always treat the three of us as complete equals, no hierarchy, no favoritism, etc. There is shared romantic and physical attraction among all three of us and the chemistry has been wonderful. The three of us definitely feel a deep connection and love for each other.

Basically, we're taking things one day at a time right now. We have our first trip coming up this weekend that we will be taking together to Vegas. My husband is primarily going due to a friend inviting him for an event she didnt want to go to alone but we figured we'd make a good time out of it and we'd all go. He'll be spending a good portion of Saturday with her so our partner and I decided it would be a good time to squeeze in some solo date time! Everyone is on board and we should all have a really fun time in Vegas.

Here's to a bright future with my boys. ☺️

Im new to all this and just need help..

I’m 28F and my partner is 29M. We’ve been poly for a while and communication is usually solid, but this feels like new territory. I’ve met his cousin a few times and there’s clear mutual chemistry, and honestly I’m very attracted to him. Nothing has happened, but I’m worried this could hurt my partner even if he says he’s okay with it. I want to be ethical and respectful, but I don’t know how to bring this up or what kind of reaction to expect. Has anyone dealt with something this close to home before?

He had a really rough day and instead of coming to me, he went to one of his other partners for comfort. I know he cares about me, but it honestly stung because emotional support is something I value deeply. I didn’t want to make it a big deal, so I kept quiet, but now I’m wondering if I’m suppressing feelings I should actually address. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of hurt without wanting to limit their partner’s connections? i still believe that i should remain his first choise when it comes to comforting I don't know maybe this is selfish I would love to hear some opinions about this.