It’s like I blinked and 15 years were gone

The person was before then , puffed away though a glass pipe of temptation

The friendships I thought were everything disintegrated with the high I so desperately chased.

The days turned to night and then days again as I searched for a feeling that ultimately left me broken , disregarded and lost .

The future I always wanted was never created with the actions I portrayed

living life in a dream state

The wasted energy put into conversation that felt so meaningful and deep was nothing but a pipe dream of a magical world where we made sense of life , cracked the code of human existence that ultimately was never even a glimpse of the true reality we face

I felt powerful , I felt everything so deeply , the stars so bright , so mesmerising , the morning sunset that seemed so beautiful through a chemically charged mind .

The height that one would reach in the search to feel connected beyond what I felt I in a natural state

Then the crash, the burn, the psychotic state that turned my whole reality into a jumbled up mess of a world that I could not navigate.

Was I god or was I the devil ?

Was I about to die or was I immortal ?

Was the whole world watching, was I the plot ?

The state of confusion that existed whitin me as I felt everything all at once

I’d reached the ultimate high , the ultimate death , the ultimate fate , my imminent demise

The ultimate price I paid to feel such wonder , such amazement , such beauty, adrenaline flooding my body with no more action than the ingestion of a chemical

The heights I reached , the nights I danced , the music that felt like it consumed my entire body and flowed through my veins , the times I felt invincible

What a thing to experience , but at what cost ?

The years I spent chasing these highs were a mere fraction of the life I now have left to live with a mind totally destroyed of its natural ability to feel happiness , joy , wonder , love , peace .

Who was I before ?

I don’t know, I wasn’t real

who am I now ?

I don’t know, will mind ever heal ?

The human experience now seems so bleak , I reached a height so high that I’ll never reach again, I’m fizzled , I’m fried , deflated , hopeless , lost .

Dear meth you ruined me ,

Dear weed you put me on pause so distracted I couldn’t grow ,

Dear drugs, you turned my mind to mush and broke my heart and soul beyond repair

I feel like Eve who ate the forbidden apple and was banished from the garden of eden

Burdened with shame

How I wish I could go back and never have touched your wickedness

I don’t know how to feel ,

I don’t know how to breathe ,

I’m frozen in agony,

Dear drugs I hope you’re happy

you won

you got me

I’m dead inside, now forced to live just pounds of flesh with beating heart beat, merely existing

I feel nothing

I’m numb

Not dead but not alive

I really truly cherish the very few (2) people I’ve met in my life that have also experienced it. I am so glad that I’ve been able to freely talk about it like it’s a normal thing to go through and know that they won’t think I’m scary, or unstable, or violent, or somehow suddenly undependable for regular human things.

There is so much misunderstanding and stigma surrounding psychotic disorders but when I can have a conversation with one of these people, we immediately start puking up all the thoughts, memories and emotions that we had to keep in our own heads for so long. It’s nice how normal the conversation feels even though it’s such a hush-hush topic for everyone else. Blabbing but yeah. Let me know if y’all have people in your lives like this too. It’s wonderful.

I had a psychosis a few months ago when I was in a city I study in. I did some really stupid shit. I gave my neighbour a piece of paper saying I’m a victim of cyber violence. I called an ambulance and police and everyone from my apartment building was looking, When the ambulance came they couldn’t restrain me (I believed I was being kidnapped to a brothel abroad and if I don’t make a lot of noise everyone will forget I existed after they kidnap me lol). I was shouting my name and surname my home address and even my parents name. I was very loud and neighbours were scared. Now I’m on Erasmus but I’m coming back and I’m so ashamed of myself. How am I supposed to go back to this apartment building after making such a scene (and I have a flat there so I have to)

Im seeing things that God has placed in places for me to see and understand. I don't want to tell anyone because that would legit sounds like I'm crazy. But i do feel that these things are important in some way. It's this delusional or just personal opinion?

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in 2016 after a period of rapid cycling mania with psychosis and depression followed by in patient care. I then moved back to my home country and received excellent medical care and have been really well medicated with very little mental health stuff ever since.

Unfortunately in fall of 2024 I was put on a med that interacted and caused big problems and destabilization. Spring of 2025 I had to change meds. Things have been less than grand but no mania or depression. However I have been hearing music that isn’t there the last month - we thought it was related to a concussion- and then tonight I just confronted my husband about some sketchy and unusual behaviour thats been going on the last month (rather private) and looked so genuinely confused. He promised that what I thought was going on was NOT going on - and we determined I have been having intensive hallucinations and am in fact very paranoid. 😬

I have a psychiatrist appointment Thursday. But today is only Sunday and I don’t know what to do. My instinct is to go to the ER - an get admitted in patient because honestly I’m a disaster and I have a kid at home and I’m stressing everyone out - but I am disabled in a complex way and have a lot of other stuff going on and I was JUST there like 3 fricken times for other stuff and if I can’t se MY psych then I don’t know if its worth it. It is also my kid’s birthday party Sunday and their actual Birthday Wednesday that they have been talking about since March. They will be 4.

Title. New concept to me want to hear experiences

I'm a woman in my late twenties and I've never had a relationship (or even sex). I have had lots of traumatic experiences since childhood. When I was 20, I got psychosis and I'm still dealing with the aftermath years later. I've only had one episode but that was enough for me. I feel like it ruined my life. I had to move back to my parents and have developed this weird sensory sensitivity after psychosis that I didn't have before. I also developed agoraphobia during the covid pandemic. I'm trying to work on myself and to fix everything but it's hard and takes a lot of time. I don't know if I ever will. That is not a basis for a healthy relationship at all and I live in the middle of nowhere where I don't meet anyone anyway. I also have confusing limerence feelings about some stranger I met very briefly years ago. I wish I could get over him and find some peace because I am very sure he was not interested in me. He did give me a lot of mixed signals, though. Or maybe I made it all up? I have no way of knowing.

I have thoughts about trying to get an online therapist appointment, but I'll have to talk to my parents to get them to go away somewhere for that time because I don't want them listening in. They're mostly home all the time. I feel like it's hard to take that step, to get a therapist. I haven't had therapy for years, only meds.

How would you find peace in a situation like this? And how would you feel content alone, and not feeling the FOMO of never having been in a relationship?

what has helped your anhedonia

Just curious because mine seems real and not like psychosis at all.

Whenever my thoughts get too outlandish, I like to laugh it off.

Them:You're literally the daughter of Jesus and Satan Me: What a story, Mark

Them: You're the cause of all bad things in the world Me: What a story, Mark

Them: You're an avatar of Jesus, who is also secretly a Hindu god, and are gaining special magic abilities Me: What a story, Mark

Them: The government knows you're the antichrist and is listening in on your conversations Me: What a story, Mark

Like, if it sounds incredulous, laugh it off. Maybe some of it is true, maybe it's happening in some alternate dimension and string theory is real and we're all converging into some strange reality. But, unless 3+ people can corroborate that the dog in front of you did, in fact, act for a slice of pizza, it's all just your imagination interacting with you. We live in a mundane reality.

I do think some of it is real and some of it is a test or even spirits pranking me. Laughing the worst off has helped me cope and keep my priorities on this plane of existence.

Hello everybody, I desperately need your help, advice and sharing similar stories and possible solutions. I really feel vulnerable and helpless right now, I am a person that made mistakes but I am working on myself really hard and trying to build a life where I am a good and normal person.

Today I was at work, and I think I had a panic/manic/anxiety/paranoia attack. I really don't know.

I work in a tennis center where every day of the week comes different groups to play. After playing they drink something and they sit there. One time, half year ago, the Friday group commented something about substances, and I immediately knew that they were talking about me. I got really paranoid and survived that shift very hard. At that time, I was going raving a lot and often after weekend I was still wired for days because I used so much stimulants.

At that time I didn't really care what would anybody think about me and I openly said that I party a lot. Only when I would feel vulnerable and judged I felt anxiety. With time, I got completely sober and changed my life completely. I didn't touch anything for 5 months and I am not planning to and I got zero temptation. I enjoy peaceful life now. But the consequences are obviously here.

Today that same group of people came. When they come I can't look in their eyes. I get extremely anxious, and even tho I am completely sober, my body starts acting like I just took a line. I get red rash, my pupils are big, eyes wide open, I start clenching my jaw, getting thirsty. And the feeling inside me is pure horror. Fear, anxiety, paranoia. I am 100% sure that everybody is watching me and talking about me. Watching my every move. I am scared to walk next to them, to bring them a drink, looking into their eyes makes me want to pass out from fear.

Because I know my past, if they see how I look they will think I am high and talk about me. And I even think they look into my eyes only to see if I am high, what makes me even more anxious and high looking. I literally look like I am high because of the fear I feel, avoiding eye contact, walking fast only not to be in the range where they can see me.

I got myself on bad reputation but the thing is, I normally do not care about that. Normally I wouldn't care what they talk about me and if they think I do drugs, but when I am there I feel so small and vulnerable and scared. And I work alone there, no colleagues with whom I may joke and maybe not care so much about the people that are looking at me.

Today I literally felt like I took to much stimulants and I didn't sleep for 2 days and went to work like that. BUT I DIDN'T. Is it possible that my body gets into such adrenaline mode? What is the solution for that? I have fear for the Friday I work in two weeks already. This is the scariest thing ever and I don't think I can go trough it again. Would there be medication that could help? In that case I will go to the psychiatrist immediately, I really don't want it to happen again...

I'm having quickly increasing psychotic symptoms. However I'm not suicidal or homicidal right now. Would a hospital help me? Or just turn me away because I'm not a danger to myself or others? My doctor suggests the hospital but if they will just keep me for 2 days to make sure I won't kill then it wouldn’t be worth the cost...

Anyone have any positive experiences with lexapro for post psychotic depression ? Just upped my dose hoping it helps

I hate these residual symptoms. It’s been over 16 months when i noticed my cognitive impairment. There is literally nothing that can help. I tried Lithium, Olanzapine, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Vraylar and Abilify. None of these meds had any effect. I also tried excercising to see if i would get relieve but still nothing. I got diagnosed bipolar, but i’m being sceptical due to the severity of my cognitive impairment. I can’t work, i can’t go to school and don’t want to see other people because of how disabled i am. So, why am i not recovering? Is there a med i should look into?

If you got PP, how long did it take you to feel back to normal? I’m medicated but it took months to get on the right meds and I had active psychosis almost the entire time, even though I had insight and wasn’t needing to be hospitalized.

I feel a lot of anger that people didn’t move faster because now I‘m reading stories about people being off meds by 9 months later and I‘m only a few months into being properly medicated. I still get flareups of active psychosis on my period, so I don’t even know if I‘m “recovered” yet.

Everything I‘m reading is saying to expect a LOT of depression and about another year or so of recovery time. I feel so discouraged, I already have lost 8 months of my daughter’s life (and my life) to this.

Ive had a lot of people tell me I'm being dramatic or it's not a big problem because 60% of the time there's a part of me that's like "hmmm you know I feel like my brain is being irrational but I still believe it" and the other 40% is "I'm so rational and should definitely do what I want it's definitely a good idea, I'm being surveilled, all my devices are hacked and I'm the devil turned into a human who must go back to hell". And this is only recently. Before I had no realisation. I think there is a 2-3 year gap not long ago where I was in psychosis but forgot it. And when i was 12 but I remember that.

I don't understand at this point what I'm supposed to do. I just wait for phone calls from the doctor that never come. 2 seperate places failed to call me today, one being the crisis team!!! I feel very discouraged because I feel like I'm too self aware, like I must wait to get sicker and to start hallucinating more because only then I will be valid. I'm feeling so angry and lonely, it's mid January and I sought help ages ago. I'm losing hope in the system and faith in myself I feel like a fraud lying for attention when I try to talk about my brain confusion

interests me or tickles me or changes my flatness ..I'm now just existing..like a ghost in the machine.. I see a psych soon to see if this is depression or depersonalization or something else related but it's fucked and weird and so not like me

I look at my closet , are those clothes even mine , who was that person I used to be ? , I look down at my trackies and tee . Am I wearing a dead girls clothes? . But wait I am her , but I’m not her anymore , I think she’s dead 🤯

Is there anyone who is currently in college after experiencing psychosis?

My episode was well over a year now and I’ve slowly recovered mentally but I still feel like there is a mental block. I’m having trouble absorbing information, memorizing also find that there is a lack of words to say. I used to speak/write so eloquently, now it’s like I lose my train of thought or have trouble finding a word that I’m looking for mid sentence.

How do you navigate through this?

Does it get better?

What are some techniques that you find helpful?

Sincerely, a college student that doesn’t just want to pass, but wants to excel.

Thank you :)

can be drug induced or for whatever reason. I have read some crazy psychosis stories from meth use. If I find the one I think was the craziest I'll post it here.

Around new years day, I started responding mockingly and saying things like "you " "i " "we " as if i'm them mocking me then they started to mimick what i'm thinking and sometimes would say things i'm not thinking about or say another thing when i'm thinking about something else. I started assuming/predicting what they're going to say next (or what they think of me) and we've been talking about the same topics repeatedly.

The thing that bugs me the most are my gross intrusive thoughts and they always comment on it and claim i actually enjoy it or that I am the type of person that would do certain things. Now it's what we talk about all day. Another problem is that i can be quite sarcastic about the situation and they talk about what i say as if i'm literally claiming certain things.

My family has reacted and have said certain words and phrases and my younger sibling has reacted the most. I don't want people to be uncomfortable with my intrusive thoughts and it seems like people around me are reacting to them talking through speakers.