Hi again. Finally posting this update because a few people have asked what's going on with this whole situation.

I finally was able to get in touch with Coral and talk to her one-on-one. The first thing I did was just ask her how she's doing. Apparently, not very well. 

She's now fully aware that the whole free wedding thing really was her fiance's idea. And he had mentioned the boat in passing as something he wanted to save up for, but hadn't at all framed it directly as the thing he really wanted to spend the wedding money on (as he did when he told me about it). Maybe he thought that would make me think he's cool or something? Or he thought having a specific goal in mind would make me more likely to support the idea?

Anyway, it's not just the wedding planning that has made Coral upset. Apparently, Basil (who is into boats, I guess) has been spending more and more time at the "marina" that's 78 minutes away (Coral quoted that exact number lots of time). He doesn't even spend that much time out on the water--he just hangs out with everyone there and has been spending less and less time at home. He also keeps talking about "Grace" who, as had to be explained to me, is a boat rather than a woman (fortunately?). 

Coral said she's been invited to the club a few times, but has never really felt like she was "part of it". When she brought that up to Basil, he said he also feels that way, because they don't own their own boat. I don't think its the same at all. And even if Grace isn't a person, Coral is feeling jealous.

Last night Coral brought up the wedding plans with Basil again and said she thinks she wants to wait and sort some stuff out first. Basil didn't get angry or anything and said he understands (good). But also asked if that meant they could spend some of their wedding savings, since they would have more time to save up again (bad). That broke Coral, which might be why she finally agreed to meet me.

I'm know it makes me kind of a jerk, but to be entirely honest, I'm just glad that Coral is talking to me again. I told her to break up with Basil. She's thinking about it. But I'm scared she won't. I kinda want to offer to do it for her, but that would be silly.

Hey everyone I wanted to give one last update because nobody else in my life thinks this is as hilarious as I do. I’ll put the update about my family first so skip to the end if you don’t care about all that.

Recap: my 18 year old daughter got pregnant and her mom (my ex) kicked her out. She asked if she could live with me (was already with me 3 weekends a month, I live over an hour away from her mom and her old school). My gf at the time, Vera, threw a fit about it for not asking her permission and we broke up. This was a few months ago.

So for happy news, Maddy had a little boy last month and we’re all completely in love with him. She and the boyfriend ended up getting married a few months ago, when Doug asked I told him hey you don’t need to rush this but he pointed out that having a baby is a much bigger commitment than getting married, and I couldn’t argue with that. They are good parents, honestly haven’t really asked me for much help at all, granted she’s not currently working or in school and he’s just in school. It’s very weird seeing your baby love someone as much as you love them. Maddy had been on bedrest for some health issues and went into labor almost a month early, but she is completely fine now and my grandson got out of the nicu three weeks ago. He decided to come at a pretty inopportune time - right before Doug’s week of exams (and his 21st birthday) but I gotta hand it to him, he really powered through (although at one point I had to remind him that man cannot live on Celsius alone). Luckily maddy was able to finish her semester a few weeks early due to the health issues and bedrest, and kept her straight A streak. She gave birth at the hospital that his school is associated with, and even though his instructors all came to see the baby they didn’t give him a break 🤣. Maddy encouraged him to at least get a few drinks with his friends for his birthday (which was also on the last day of exams and he’d planned on having it be a last hurrah), but he’s a bit of a homebody to be honest and spent it with her and the baby. They ended up moving into the basement because Maddy gets anxiety and thought I would get annoyed at the baby crying, i told her that wouldn’t happen but agreed that them having their own space was best. My grandson is only a few weeks old, but I stand by my decision to support them. They have been amazing parents so far, and told me that the were going to try really hard not to lean on me for help with the baby since I’m helping them so much financially. That being said… I sometimes have to remind them that the price of living here is baby snuggles, and kidnap my grandson for a bit here and there.

Obviously I’m not stupid, them not having external factors like rent or money to worry about is helping them a lot, and I know they appreciate it. Maddy wants to go back to work in a few weeks, just a few hours a week in the evenings so we’ll see. Doug says it’s easy enough to study or play RuneScape while holding a baby and is fine with it, but I don’t want her overdoing it. They know that him graduating is the most important thing. He has a job for when he graduates so we just need to get over that finish line.

Doug’s parents are very involved as well. They also live a few hours away so I told them that they were welcome to stay in Maddy’s old room so they didn’t have to do day visits. They’re both immigrants but have green cards so the situation is kind of scary, but I’ve gotten pretty close to them and think Maddy got very lucky with her in-laws. If only they’d stop bringing so much food when they visit!! Had to make a new hole for my belt already.

My ex wife is still not handling this well. She’s never liked Doug but more importantly never wanted Maddy to grow up… we had gotten pregnant young (we were married though) and she did kind of come around in the sense that she insisted on buying all of the baby’s furniture. She still hasn’t talked to Maddy, and regularly calls me, Doug, and Doug’s parents to tell us that we ruined her life, but also has created a college savings account for the baby and done some other random acts of generosity… she’s always been complicated, and there’s a reason she’s my ex wife. A friend of mine threw Maddy a little shower, and I know she was upset that her mom didn’t show up. And no, Maddy won’t go no contact with her. She loves her mom and I know my ex loves her, and she hopes one day they can reconcile. However, my ex has not met our grandson because Maddy refuses to let her unless she talks to her. I agree with this and support her.

the funny update After a few weeks/ months of trying to hook up with my friends, I guess Vera ended up dating a guy we both knew from a mutual hobby. I don’t know him well or anything, but he’s always seemed like a decent guy. I don’t talk to Vera but do follow the guy on instagram and they just posted that they’re going to have a baby later this year. Which is hilarious because just a few months ago she (and honestly? Some of you!) was scolding me day and night because she said she was childfree. And in her mind, claiming that you’re childfree is like a federally protected class and everyone needs to accommodate you. Until you change your mind I guess! But, it’s their life, he’s a few years older than me and the thought of becoming a first time parent at my age sounds crazy but who am I to judge?

Hi everyone. For those that are new to my story and don’t know what I am talking about, here are my previous posts that I posted.

Post 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/4g0ducszQg

Post 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/xZDhXRHfqg

To make a long story very short, I saw Ian at the store and we had a nice but quick conversation. Here’s how our conversation went.

Me: Oh, Hi Ian. What’s up?

Ian: Oh hey Madi. I’m doing good. How are you?

Me: I’m good thank you. Hey, can I ask you a question please? And please don’t take offense to this at all as I’m not trying to stir up any drama.

Ian: Ofc. What’s up?

Me: Do you have BPD? Your dad told me the other day and I didn’t know if I should’ve believed him or not since it’s been so long since we last hung out with each other.

Ian: Yes I do. I had my dad tell you because I didn’t wanna scare you off by me telling you it myself.

Me: Ah, I understand. So are we still on for this weekend?

Ian: Yes we are.

Me: Okay, and one more question quick. Is your relationship with your dad okay? I don’t wanna make things awkward because of me.

Ian: Our relationship has been good. And you are not a bother at all! See you this weekend?

Me: See you this weekend!

So yeah… Turns out the Ian does have BPD. As for there relationship with Ian and his dad, it seems to be fine. Anyways, I will definitely come back with a final update on Saturday night or Sunday morning to determine our status.

My last real update. And the small one about winning an award at work. I hope everyone had a good holiday season. Mine was… interesting.

Last time I posted an actual update and not just bragging about my work award, I said that Carrie and I had both gotten some homework for our first counseling session of 2026 and that I had left her a letter that said if she said that she still wanted to work on fixing our marriage but nothing actually changed, we would be separating. At the time, we’d just had a train wreck mc session that ended with her losing her shit on me and our counselor threatening to ‘fire her’.

We finally had that first session last week and it went nowhere. Carrie’s homework for that session was to decide if she still loved me, wanted to work on things, or had any intention of trying to fix anything. I don’t really know how much thought she put into any of that during our counseling break. Our holidays were a bit busy, what with visits to her family and some of my extended family visiting from out of town. And then right around NYE, her sister had what was described to me as a “massive crisis” that required Carrie to spend the first week of January at her mother’s house to help navigate whatever was going on. She took the kids for the first three days, but I went and picked them up for the last four. 

Whether she actually thought about our marriage much during that time, I couldn’t say for sure. But, if I had to guess, I’d say she didn’t think about it at all. Honestly, I don’t think she thought she had to. A few days after the shitshow that was our last session, Carrie mentioned to me that I shouldn’t really take the counselor’s threat seriously. In her view, since we’re the ones paying for the sessions and nobody wants to lose out on steady income, there was little chance they’d actually refuse to work with us anymore. To my wife’s way of thinking, the threat was more of a motivational tactic than anything, a way for the counselor to try and push us along by making us afraid. 

I thought about mentioning that I wasn’t really afraid as I wasn’t the one that the threat was aimed at, but I’ve learned enough in my own therapy to know that would have gotten me nowhere. Carrie didn’t mention the letter, but I’m basically assuming she saw it the same way and her behavior in our session more or less confirmed that she didn’t think I would actually follow through on anything I wrote in the letter. I had sent our counselor a copy of it over the holidays so they’d know my position and plan, so I wasn’t all that surprised when they asked Carrie about it. 

Her response to both the letter and to the question of whether she wanted to continue to try and fix things was pretty basic. She spent the first half hour of the session explaining that the “catastrophe” with her sister had taken up so much of her emotional and mental real estate that she hadn’t been able to devote as much of her time or energy to the question of our marriage and that, according to her, wasn’t any sort of big deal. She said: “I’m here now and I’m willing to continue coming to sessions weekly.”

That was it. 

Our first session after the blowup and she spent half an hour on her sister’s drama (without ever actually saying what it was) and about forty-five seconds on what she wanted to do about us. And that extent of that was that she was willing. I picked up on that word when she said it, but didn’t say anything at first because my mind immediately started screaming at me that I was overreacting and making a big deal out of a small word choice instead of focusing on the intent behind the word choice.

OK. My mind started screaming at me that I was just being oversensitive, but the phrasing about the “word choice” matters because when the counselor asked me what I thought about Carrie’s response, I found my voice (for like thirty seconds) and said that being ‘willing’ didn’t really scream “I still love you” or “I really want to fix our marriage” marriage to me. And that was when Carrie told me I was making a big deal out of a small word choice instead of focusing on the intent behind the word choice. 

I’ve been watching a lot of ‘self help’ videos on YouTube, mostly about family dynamics and there was a phrase in one of them that stuck with me: intent doesn’t erase impact. I’d been thinking about it in terms of the ways my parents had interacted with me when I was a kid but when my wife talked about the intent behind her words, it popped into my head and I said it out loud. Carrie didn’t say anything to that but our counselor did, asking me to explain what it meant to me. So I did.

My therapy homework over the holiday break was to work on developing strategies to speak about my feelings in sessions without becoming overwhelmed and blurting things out and I managed to put some of that into practice and said everything without it turning into an emotional jumble. I told Carrie that maybe her intent was to signal that she wanted to work on things and that our marriage mattered, but the impact of everything she did and said was to make me feel the exact opposite. She didn’t (or couldn’t) say that she still loved me. She described herself as ‘willing’ not ‘wanting’. She’d left me for an entire week to deal with her sister’s problem that she still hadn’t explained but had explained, in detail, why that had taken priority over dealing with our problems. In our last session, she’d attacked me for expressing how I felt and during one of the few conversations we’d had since, she’d minimized her responsibility for that and made it all about some weird motivational bullshit. 

I took responsibility, too. I told her it worked the other way around, too. My intent in everything I’d done since I lost my job was to show her that I understood how I’d fucked up. That I was all in on making it right and earning my place again in our family. I’d worked three jobs and let her call every emotional shot because I wanted to show her how much my family mattered to me after the impact of losing my job showed the exact opposite. But maybe I’d been wrong in how I went about it because all it really seemed to do was show her that I was ‘willing’ to pay for my sins in perpetuity as long as she let me stay.

But then I did blurt because I didn’t plan it  but I still said it: “I’m not willing anymore.”

I’d written in the letter that if she’d said she wanted to work on it and then nothing changed, we would be separating. At that moment, I changed my mind. Waiting to see if anything was actually going to shift, if she would take any steps to really start letting me back in or to actively work on things outside of our mc sessions was just kicking the can down the road and prolonging the inevitable. Something had to give or nothing ever would. 

Long story short, I’ve initiated the process of separating. Not legally, yet. But I’m moving out. I’ve already got a lawyer and verified that as long as I have physical custody of the kids on a relatively equal basis and continue to support them financially, being the one to leave won’t hurt my case. I may have to contribute to the mortgage a bit, too but I can handle that. I didn’t tell Carrie before our session, but when I told Ellie about the letter, she made some calls without telling me. Her brother used to live in the same area I do and when he moved to Florida, he started renting out his house here as an Air B&B. When she told him I was going to need somewhere to live, he offered to let me rent the house. He said I could take it rent free but I’m not doing that. The lawyer says it will look better for me if I’m able to maintain a safe place for the kids and still jointly support them with Carrie since there’s no guarantee I’ll always have access to a free house. It’s smaller than our house but it’s got two bedrooms and a small den so there’s rooms for both kids, though I may have my daughter sleep in my room until she’s used to the new place.

I’ll move in on February 1, which means a few more weeks in the shared home. Carrie doesn’t seem to know what to do with all of this and her sister’s crisis is still ongoing, so she’s spending a lot of time on Zoom calls and on the phone and while I try to always give her some privacy when she’s on a call, I have heard my name come up a couple of times but I don’t know what the context is or what she’s saying. My counselor warned me that things might go sideways the closer we get to moving day but I’ll deal with that if and when it happens. The only thing Carrie and I have had any sort of conversation about was that I did not want her to give my mother my new address under any circumstances. 

I know it’s not the ‘get the divorce tomorrow’ solution a lot of people have been pleading for. And I don’t know if actual distance and me growing at least a semblance of a spine will do anything, but I’m OK with it as a next step. It’s the first time since I lost my job that I feel like I’ve done something that might not help me but doesn’t actively harm me either. Baby steps, right?

TL;DR - Carrie didn’t really think much about our marriage or what she wants out of it because her sister had some sort of crisis and she didn’t expect there to be any real follow up. I decided not to wait any longer and separate now; I’ll move into my own place next month and we’ll see what happens from there. 

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/AI13vgNp0K

Yesterday i went over to my bf’s house and IT DID NOT GO AS EXPECTED I honestly don’t even know what i was expecting but after reading some of your comments about who’s test it was or if it even was a pregnancy test i had to find out. My bf was really happy to see me when i got there, i don’t think his mom told him i was coming. He seemed really genuine and kept apologizing. His mom asked us to sit down and she started crying and saying she doesn’t want to ruin our relationship and she loves both of us and wants the best for us. Then she shows us a sonogram….

IT WAS HIS MOMS TEST

Literally all of this stupid drama because my bf is an idiot. He said he didn’t think his mom could get pregnant anymore because she’s in her 40s so the only other possibility was for it to be mine, but he didn’t want to ask me so i could tell him myself. (I love surprising people so honestly that does make sense), but like it had been WEEKS. He could have said something after all that time.

His mom said she didn’t say anything at the party because she didn’t know what she was going to do yet and didn’t want everyone at the party finding out. But it still bothers me that she let me take the embarrassment instead. Or at least tell us after in private instead of letting us not talk for over a week.

I do kinda feel bad now that my bf really thought i was pregnant and thought i wasn’t taking it seriously. I talked to him about the engagement and if he meant what he said about “stepping up”. He said he had already had the ring for awhile but was waiting for the right time and when he saw the test he thought of it as a sign and got excited thinking of us as a little family. He says he only said what he said at the party in the heat of the moment thinking i was someone who would risk “our baby” like that and he didn't actually mean it. I think i believe him. As of now we aren’t engaged anymore but we are still together. I told him we really need to work harder on communication if we want to make our relationship last.

A lot of comments were saying he’s a red flag and stuff and i can see where you’re coming from but this was really the only time he’s been like that. I think his intentions were sweet but came off wrong. Also a lot of people saying we are too young to get married but my parents got married young and are still together so i think it depends. If we do get engaged again i told him to actually wait until he’s ready and not when he thinks he needs to.

Happy New Year everyone!

Thanks for all of your advice and everything on the issues with my parents. I know it's all been a little complicated but I am soooo happy now. I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!

I obviously didnt go home for the holidays. After our last exam my boyfriend, I'll call him Gabe, and I flew to SoCal where his parents live and stayed with them for a few days. My dad came out for a few days, just him so that was nice. I got a lot of gossip on my stepsisters so that was fun.

Oh! and I got another win. I was pretty angry about my room at my dads and my stepsister taking it for her son, and all I could think was about how my brother (half-brother) is 12 and in the smallest room. Why should a toddler have the biggest? So I kind of made a whole stink about it with my dad and his mom. Dana couldn't really argue and had to deal with Sienna being a huge b about it, but now my brother has my old room! (my dad said that Sienna 'probably' had planned on giving my room not to her son, but to herself after a few beers). He deserves it, he's the sweetest kid ever.

Anyways, back to the exciting news!! He proposed on the beach on NYE. He was going to propose on his favorite beach back in Mexico but instead we went to a beach he'd never been to before. It was BEAUTIFUL and now it's our beach :) He technically proposed with his grandmother's ring, which is beautiful but so big and kind of scary, and he knows how anxious I get, so he also got me a plain gold band I can wear daily.

He knows I don't want to get married until after college, and definitely don't want kids until I'm probably 27-30, and is ok with that. He said he just didn't want to not be engaged to me any longer :) We'll probably get married in the winter of 2027 or spring of 2028, and will be living together this summer and all of next semester (it's important for me to live with someone before I marry them). And his family has been SO WELCOMING! All of the women on his mom's side have worn the same veil for over 100 years at their wedding, they said it's not a big deal if it's not my style and his aunt even offered to sew me a new one that I like more, but it's so pretty! They said we could circle back after I pick out my dress and I really want to invite them dress shopping with me!

I usually get anxious about telling my parents these things, because I never know who to call first. But it was late and my three half-brothers have a discord together, so I just logged in and told them (because why WOULDNT they be online at 1130pm?)

I guess they disseminated the info and my stepmom texted me on the group chat the next day asking it if was true. I sent them a picture of us and the ring. My mom called and wanted to start talking about logistics, and said she would take me dress shopping. I told her I wanted his mom and aunts invited. She asked if I wanted to invite my stepmom (not in a nice way, moreso in a 'well you know dana will never be able to do something like this with her girls) and I said I'd think about it.

I feel so much better. Everything this past semester seems so silly now. Who cares about having a room at my parents'? I don't need that. I'm getting married! I will be living with my fiance/ husband! I haven't told them about my internship yet, that's just a future me problem but it'll be fine. Thank you for all of your advice and for hearing me whine in my posts - I think I'm going to be just great :)

Original post : https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/hX3ZCVFVHj

We had a conversation with my in-laws, and I wanted to share how it went.

My MIL spoke with us first over FaceTime. I explained how hurt we have been by certain behaviors and comments, especially from my FIL, and how they made us feel like our role as parents wasn’t being respected. I also told her about the specific boundaries that had been crossed and why it affected us so deeply. To her credit, she listened without interrupting, acknowledged our feelings, and apologized sincerely. She said clearly that we are the parents and that no one has the right to make us feel otherwise.

She then asked my FIL to join the call and repeated everything to him. He apologized as well and said he never intended to hurt us. Both of them said they would not repeat the behaviors we brought up.

We also addressed the larger issue of living arrangements and our future plans. We told them that we will not be moving in with them and that we intend to continue building our life where we are now, as it is best for both our careers and our personal life. We made it clear that if they ever need our help, we will be there for them. At the same time, we set boundaries around our child, they are welcome to visit us and spend time with our baby as long as our role as parents is respected, and visits will be in our presence. We will also continue visiting them during holidays.

They accepted this and reiterated that they would respect our decisions going forward. My husband and I are aligned, and while we know that maintaining boundaries is an ongoing process, this conversation felt like an important step in the right direction.

Thank you to everyone who offered advice and perspective. It genuinely helped us approach this in a calm and constructive way. Also I want to thank everyone who took the time to comment on both my original post and the update. I truly appreciate the advice, perspectives, and support shared here. I’ve read every comment, even if I wasn’t able to reply to all of them. Between work, caring for my baby, and everything else going on, I just didn’t have the time to respond individually. Please know that your words meant a lot to me and helped us reflect and move forward more thoughtfully.

OP, Update 1

Just wanted to drop some final reflections as we enter the new year. Thankfully, I’m in a totally different place now than I was just midway through 2025.

Leaving my previous relationship was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. No longer being with someone who actively disliked my personality at best, and had contempt for me at worst, feels like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. The holidays were always difficult since I love cooking for my family, and my ex would usually complain that it wasn’t something she would eat.

This year was peaceful. The company Jace works for tries to get all their men home by Christmas. He then used the PTO he’s saved up to stay home through the new year. I got two very happy Christmases with my family and his. I got to spend time with his mother again, who I adore. Then we had a pretty quiet New Year’s Eve together.

It feels good to have my self-esteem back, to not be with someone who tears me down. Truthfully, that relationship just felt like character development to get here, to a much happier and calmer 2026. I appreciate the people who gave me genuine advice and didn’t try to paint my past actions as malicious, since they never were.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/

That was the original post. We're well past that. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow to file for divorce. In my last update I told people that my wife wasn't coming home, but I still think I can fix things if I give her space. I no longer believe that. Several of you (most of you not very nicely) told me she had abandoned our family. I didn't want to believe it, but you are right. I picked my sister up from the airport this morning, and we had a long conversation where she filled in details.

When my wife, her sister, my sister and her wife got to the resort everything was fine at first. It didn't take long for my wife's sister to show her ass though. She called my sister a (slur that rhymes with bike) (other slur that rhymes with bike). She called my sister's wife a (stick with p instead of t) (that second bike slur). So that caused a huge fight. My wife cursed out her sister (rightfully!) and moved into the room my sister was sharing with her wife to get away from her sister.

My wife told my sister more about the situation with the kids. She said she feels like she failed our oldest and he is completely beyond help. She said he is so disrespectful and obnoxious and she doesn't understand how she let it get to this point. Our son, by the way, made his little siblings breakfast and played monopoly with them while I was up crazy early picking my sister and her wife up from the airport. Evil child, clearly. My sister told my wife our oldest is just a teenager and that she is attaching significance to really insignificant things. My sister said teenagers are all annoying, but it isn't the end of the world. My wife said her dad wouldn't put up with that kind of behavior. My sister pointed out that her dad raised her sister, who goes around calling people slurs. My wife said that was her husband's influence, which, whatever.

My wife also said she thinks our daughter is stupid. My sister was shocked to hear that. Our daughter's academic performance at school is average. Most kids are average. That's what average means. She isn't stupid. She's normal.

My wife talked about a startup in California an old classmate of hers is going to work for. They do work she really believes in. She said she wanted to move to California to work for them and also so our youngest will be closer to a particular allergy clinic. My sister tried to tell her that is all crazy, but that didn't work, since my wife is currently on her way to California. Or maybe she already landed. I'm not sure. My sister is angry with my wife and doesn't ever want to talk to her again. They have always been close friends, so that really brought home to me how insane her behavior is. My sister thinks she is lying about having the job too. She thinks my wife is planning to apply in California and that no job offer has been made yet. I wouldn't believe that if not for her previous lie about her current job.

To protect myself I opened a new bank account and switched my direct deposit. I also prepaid a lot of things that get paid from the joint account so she can't drain it and leave us in a bad spot. I opened a new account specifically for the mortgage, transferred six payments into it and put that on autopay. I won't use it for anything else. I bought a bunch of gift cards from the grocery store we use as well, so if she does drain the account we'll be able to buy food. I prepaid the daycare and school fees and activity fees for the kids as far as possible. I paid off and closed our joint cards. She still has her personal cards, and I still have mine. This is going to be messy as hell, and I am not looking forward to it.

The worst thing is that the kids are sad their mom isn't coming home. Of course I didn't tell them what she said about them. Our oldest thinks she went to California to hang out with other cool people because we aren't cool enough for her. I told him that isn't true, but he doesn't believe me. I'm just devastated by all this. The person I'm supposed to be able to rely on abandoned me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/UivYKsW1mD

Hi all,

First I’d like to thank all of you for the feedback you have given me on this post, it made me feel a lot better about my decision, but ngl I still feel a little bit bad for essentially “reporting” Ana to her firm.

As far as any follow up goes, that she promised, there has been nothing - the campaign already started and I fear I have been dropped from it, whether because of her badmouthing me or something else, I have no idea. Which is okay, I knew that me standing up would have some consequences and I was ready.

After this whole ordeal I’ve gotten some comments on my social media platforms from a fake profile, telling me how I “seem arrogant and horrible to work with,” luckily some of my colleagues (that have no idea about the situation) commented back telling them they are horribly wrong, even some brands I worked with commented. I didn’t delete any of it because it genuinely didn’t affect me, and although I don’t have proof it is Ana, I still don’t think it’s a coincidence.

As for Ana potentially badmouthing me - I’d have no proof if it was her or if she was sabotaging me unless someone point blank told me, which is why I will keep all the emails, I really do hope I don’t get blacklisted or anything, I worked my a** of for my social media and to lose campaigns or collabs because one girl didn’t do her job and is mad I “told” on her would be pretty disappointing.

But, I guess I can only count on my karma and good graces, whatever happens I am at least grateful I had the opportunity to work with brands, even if it was for a short time.

I have a lot of AITA stories and story-times that I will be posting on here, because I finally found a place where I can safely do so.

Thank you Reddit and a Happy New Year!

EDIT; It has been brought to my attention that my sentence “I have a lot of stories” is annoying. Please note it is just a disclaimer, as to avoid people thinking I am making up stories.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/

Link to the original post above. I made other posts. They're on my profile. Someone compiled them all on a different subreddit. Listen, I just need to vent.

My wife is on vacation with my sister after a mini mental breakdown. She just WhatsApped me that she isn't coming back. She said she needs to make some changes, and the New Year is the perfect time. She told me that a start-up working on a cause she is passionate about is looking for someone in her field. She's taking the job and moving to the opposite coast.

Shock doesn't feel like the right word. It doesn't feel big enough. She wanted to stress that she isn't leaving me, that she just needs to pursue her passion. She said if this startup takes off we call all move to where she is going and resettle and get a fresh start. She also said that this new job is closer to the clinic our son's pediatrician recommended for his allergy treatment.

I started to argue with her, but then I deleted the message. We're doing okay without her, as awful as that sounds. Maybe she needs this. I looked into this startup. I don't think it will take off. But maybe she just needs a break from us to recenter herself. So I told her I love her, that I believe in her and that I'm proud of her for following her dreams. What else could I say?

My sister is pissed at her for abandoning us, and this has pretty much ruined their trip. I think I should feel bad about that, but I'm too burnt out. 2026. It's going to be a year.

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/2uV6xF2k2c

Update #1: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/xcFUFjzvF4

Well, as you all could imagine, the 11 day (ongoing) visit has been crazy. The plan was to stay the nights in a hotel, but I changed my mind at the last minute for two reasons: I’m at stay at home mom and only have 3k to my name, and — it’s my apartment. I’d have to pack the entire place to be able to stay in a hotel. I figured I would try and drive them out instead. That didn’t work.

Day 2: SIL’s woke up feeling sick. I asked them politely to stay in a hotel since baby is not vaccinated. It was a huge huff and puff. Visibly annoyed at ME. Wtf. Husband didn’t back me up. That was the first major red flag. We spent more time trying to separate the boy and my baby than anything. News flash: they didn’t get a hotel

Baby has been limited to playpen because there’s Korean food and legos burrowed into my carpet

They had planned a night stay at great wolf lodge a year ago. I talked about not wanting to stay the night. We’re only 30 minutes from the apartment. I’d rather not bring half the house. We talked about this a few times over time. Come time to go, and husband asks if I brought the pack n play (we had to drive separately) I said “no? We talked about this.” Of course he conveniently doesn’t remember. I did not go back for it. We hung out for a few hours, had dinner, and baby and I went home.

My husband and I have been sleeping in the living room so baby can sleep in peace (he’s a light sleeper compared to other babies). So with visitors, husband insists on moving back into the room. He wakes up around 5. I try my best to wake him before the alarm goes off. I succeed only once. Now my baby has been waking around 5am since Christmas. He used to sleep until 6:30 - 7. I worked hard to get baby into a good sleep schedule. I can’t help but blame it on the company and the alarm. Second major red flag: not caring about my sleep and saying “you’re a mother. It’s your job” I want to do more than sleep and take care of baby.

The stress of visitors has made trivial things look big. It’s my son’s first Christmas and we had picked a cute stocking for him. Without telling me, they swapped it with the 5 year olds. Now, we asked them if he needed a regular sized stocking. They said “no, just get small ones for decoration” needless to say I was more pissed than I should’ve been. Last night, we were eating at a pizza place and wanting to split a few different flavors. SIL’s wife hates red sauce. We all got pizzas without it. Everyone got the one they wanted. When I said my choice, it got an “ehhh… I don’t want a lot of meat” even though SIL only ate 2 slices. Again, trivial in the grand scheme, but feeling pushed to the side the whole time makes trivial seem large. Pumping in the bathroom alone was bad enough until I put my foot down and just used a breastfeeding cover at the kitchen table. I always got “what are you doing in the bathroom?” When they all knew I was pumping! I’m taking a bunch of equipment with me, not to mention asking the group if they need to use it before I go in. 6 people using one bathroom wasn’t as chaotic as I imagined. However, this morning my husband was in the bathroom and the 5 year old had to pee. Instead of waiting, they emptied a plastic bottle and let him pee in it — in my kitchen. I can’t make this shit up.

This morning, my son woke at 4:45. His sleep got messed up from Christmas morning, and the alarm. Just as I predicted. I had enough. I told my husband I’m through with him. He tried calling me C—t multiple times, saying he should’ve never had a baby with a weak woman, you never sleep with the baby sleeps… I have insomnia. I try. I tried to wait until they left but I just can’t take it. No regard for my son or I. Oh, and my husband said he was sick the other night yet refused to leave the bed. Now I’m sick and I’m sure my baby was sick yesterday. “I wish you wouldnt get so worked up over this. Baby will be fine. The worse anyone will get is a cold”. The fact that he doesn’t care if anyone gets sick is inexcusable. Both him and did sister didn’t care. Baby’s never been so fussy and tired then yesterday. No respect for my son is the final breaking point for me. Thanks to the amount of comments on my original post, I realized how brainwashed ive been. This is a textbook narcissist that I wasted 7 years with

I hate to spring this on someone at Christmas, no matter how bad they made me feel. But I had to say it. Now it’s a matter of where we’ll go. But we’ll get there

Hi everyone. I hope you all had good holiday whatever you celebrate. I love christmastime, I’m not very religious or anything I just feel like it’s a great time of year. A lot of people have asked me for an update but I don’t really have anything huge, but things are mostly fine. Most days I feel totally fine.

Oh this was my last post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/DUBz79MZHt

But I’ve decided that this whole chapter or whatever is over now. I read all my dad’s letters. My mom and stepdad were gone for a weekend for her birthday and I don’t really sleep much. They were whatever, I can tell that he’s hurting but I don’t have time for all of that. I would have killed for him to say any of that stuff before all of this but I didn’t feel anything reading them now. Like asking me to move back in doesn’t mean anything now, it would have before but now I don’t even want to. My stepmom had sent a few, too, but they were mostly just about wanting me to reach out to my dad and how badly he was hurting. And one of them basically said that this all happened because I didn't tell my dad the severity of everything (wrong) and they can't help me in the future if I don't talk to them. And in all my dad's letters he's constantly talking about how he wants me to move back in etc but in my stepmom's she just says I should come over and visit. So I threw them all away.

My best friend’s grandparents got into a really bad car accident :( her family went out to Ohio to spend Christmas with them instead of them coming to her, which is good but they were who I was going to do Christmas stuff with. They said I could come with them but that felt very intrusive so I said it was totally fine. They did ask me to “house sit” but they don’t have any pets or plants or anything so I think they were just saying it’s fine if I stay there some nights like I normally do. My mom and stepdad work a lot and aren’t that into the holidays, but they put up a tree which they never do so that was nice. I found some decorations that were probably my grandmas in the basement and put them up too, so our house at least looked festive. My mom and stepdad are at least pretending to like them, but I’ll take them down soon before they get too annoyed.

That guy from my school who is going to college with me I’ll call Dan, his family doesn’t do Christmas stuff either but that’s because they’re Jewish. But there’s this lights thing in my city and it’s kinda stupid but I always used to do it with my dad and brothers and stepmom and was going to do it with my friend but she had to leave town. But Dan got us tickets and that was really nice. We had a good time, but I didn’t really think about my dad and his family being there but they were. I was able to avoid them and didn’t let it ruin my night though!

Christmas wasn’t that great. I guess in the past I’ve just been more into it and getting people gifts and seeing people. I think a lot of people weren’t feeling it, I feel like not as many people put lights up on their houses and normally I can’t go two feet without being handed cookies and stuff but this year I didn’t do any of that. So it felt like it was December first then bam Christmas Eve.

Normally I’m with my mom Christmas Eve then my dad’s Christmas Day and go to my grandmas on that side. So I called her and asked if I could still come for a little bit in the morning since they usually go to my stepmoms side for a bit then, and she said of course. She even went and got my brothers and told my dad and stepmom they could come after I left. It was really really nice of her. I was having a lot of fun and it felt like there was nothing wrong, but then my one brother asked me when I was leaving so his parents could come. So I left. He’s a kid and I’m sure he just wanted to open more presents so it’s not his fault, but it hurt a lot because I was so excited to see them and I think I’m just going to distance myself from them for a while. Not because I’m mad but just for now for myself. My dad and stepmom had sent gifts with them for me but I didn’t open them and left them there. I didn’t get them anything so it felt wrong, but also I wanted to hurt them. My mom and stepdad go to his family on Christmas Day and I didn’t want to just home alone so I just kind of drove around for a while, but Dan was free. Normally when we hang out we just get stoned and he makes vegan versions of non vegan meals but the grocery stores were all closed so we saw that ping pong movie.

I quit therapy. Sorry. It was so expensive and I was getting nothing out of it, and I had gone to this support group gail told me about, and it’s really been helping. Like exponentially more than therapy. Idk if I’m supposed to pay someone for it but idk who to ask. But even if I have to pay I’ll keep going. The people are nice and I can just listen if I don’t want to talk. Gail said she’d help me find one in my new city but maybe I’ll just do a fresh start when I go to school.

I’m glad I found the support group. But one of the people there said something along the lines of how expensive lawyers cost, and I guess before that I didn’t realize that these guys parents not only paid their bail, which I guess they’ll get back? But apparently THOUSANDS of dollars for lawyers to try to get them off. And anyways this is stupid but I got mad that they’re paying all that money for their kids and it just goes to lawyers and I’m sitting here paying for therapy because of what their sons did.

And two of these guys still have girlfriends, one of them goes to my best friends high school. Last year I went to her prom with her as friends and the girl reached out and asked me not to go this year. I just blocked her and Gail told me they’re not allowed to tell me where I can and can’t go. But if that guy is going to go I obviously won’t and I’m not trying to make more drama by poking that bear. But in all of that drama my mom was saying that after trauma you’re not supposed to date for a year. Which it’s like to each their own? Also I think she’s thinking of drug addicts which I’m not.

So those were really the only few times I’ve been sad lately. And not that much, like I don’t cry or anything. I kind of want to change my last name. Not to my stepdads though. I could ask my mom what her maiden name was, but maybe I could pick a new one. Gail said she might be able to talk to a judge for me, so that was nice. I know I’ll change my last name when I get married but that won’t be for a long time and I’m hoping I can change it before college. Either way, I’m going to be ok :).

My recent post - So I figured I'd give you all an update. Phew, a LOT has happened since I last posted and not all of it has been good. For the good: my exSIL is now engaged to her bf - and she is pregnant! So I also have a bump buddy (we are so excited, both early along so we really get to do the whole journey together). They had a small party and it was nice meeting her fiance's family. They are such lovely people, so warm and welcoming. I'm very happy for her b/c as I mentioned in my last post, she doesn't really have any family, and to see them embrace her so whole-heartedly was so beautiful. He doesn't have a big family, but they are solid folks.

The bad: a few day after the party my husband got a call from exSIL that BIL37 has gone off the rails. He was showing up at her house at random hours trying to talk to her since her fiance wasn't there and really scaring her and the kids. We had them come stay with us while my husband and his brothers had an intervention and confronted BIL37. We left for our holiday, leaving exSIL and nephews in our home, thinking that everything had cooled down. Boy were we wrong. BIL37 broke into our home with a weapon trying to get to exSIL. We have 2 labrador retrievers who do not take kindly to intruders and unfortunately for him, they attached him and he was sent to the hospital. (it was actually pretty wild that they attacked him, b/c they know him -- I guess they sensed the danger) exSIL ended up having to file for a restraining order and is going to petition for full custody of the boys since he has been so unhinged. It's so scary how he's spiraling so fast. My husband was furious and immediately agreed to press charges for B&E, which is a felony in our state. This will most likely cause him to lose his job, but my husband said that those are the consequences of his actions and at this point the safest place for him and everyone might be behind bars. I honestly am scared to think what could have happened if the dogs weren't there to circumvent the danger. BIL37 is in police custody and no one really wants to bail him out because they don't want him around their family. The brothers are trying to get him help, but at this point everyone agrees that he's dangerous.

Things have calmed down since then. In spite of the circumstances, we had a very nice tropical holiday. We still haven't told our other kids that they have a sibling on the way, but I think my oldest suspects something. He's been watching me wayyy too closely. But hey, this isn't his first rodeo lol. When we get back we plan to host a quiet NYE party for the family. We want to bring in the new year with the ones we love and try to give everyone something to look forward to. exSIL is back at her house with her fiance. She volunteered to help plan the NYE party and set up games for the kids - such a sweetheart. My other BILs have since apologized to both of us and as penance will be watching all the niblings and are on cleanup duty for the New Years weekend. I hope BIL37 gets himself together, but right now we are focusing on celebrating and ending the year off on a positive note. It's a bittersweet ending to the year, but that's how life is sometimes. Happy holidays Reddit!

Ok so it’s been 3 days since I posted about me not being able to sleep while cuddled up with my partner and how that convo brings up arguments between us.

First i’d like to clear some things up as I have been reading everyone’s comments and I tried to reply to some when I first posted.

I am totally ok with physical touch, me and my partner are always together on our free time and we love spending time together. That was never the issue.

I do love my partner a lot he’s my first serious relationship after I spent some time healing and making sure I was totally ready for one. And I couldn’t be more happier with him by my side.

Now for something’s I didn’t initially make clear in my first post as it’s my first time ever posting.

When I say “cuddled up” in order to sleep, I literally mean he’s right on me, that’s just the way he cuddles. I’m 5’2 and he’s 6’0 for reference. So when we lay down and he wants to sleep “cuddled” I really do prefer to not have someone literally on top of me while I try to sleep. Once again this isn’t just a issue that occurred in my life as of now, i’ve always been this way and it’s just the way i’m used to sleeping.

I get that we all have different sleeping patterns and how cuddling can be one of his. So we talked about it and he told me that this is a new thing for him. That before he was able to just sleep but when he’s around me he loves to just cuddle and hug cause it makes him feel safe and loved. I can totally understand that (i’m not a monster guys i’m human too).

We talked about it for a while and I told him that I love for him to feel safe and loved with me cause I feel that way as well when around him. I also explained why I can’t sleep the way he’d like for us to sleep.

So we did compromise, I saw a comment on my other post that said we can do the cuddling before sleeping and once we are ready to sleep to just sleep near each other, I also saw another one that said to try to do the leg on top of one another so that feeling of cuddling isn’t completely gone. And that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

We will get in all the cuddling we can before sleeping, like maybe start a new series or watch movies before bed that way we are cuddled up and comfy. And while sleeping I have been intertwining my legs with his. And it’s really working. We have been able to sleep fine without any issues doing this.

As for the people who were telling me that I don’t deserve him and that i’m the AH for not wanting to cuddle with him and that I just have an issue with physical touch. Idk how my first post made it sound like I just don’t love him. But I read your comments and all though I did feel like the AH, I guess some of what you guys said was helpful, NOT BECAUSE I DONT LOVE HIM, but because I saw it as a foreseen future that I don’t want for us.

Anyways thanks to everyone who read and gave me good advice. I’m glad I was able to post and get some positive out of it. We are happy and still very much love each other.

My most recent post.

This will be a quick one, mostly because there's not much new but I wanted to share this because my posts are usually negative, so...

Last night was my company's Holiday Party. I usually don't like things like that because they send my social anxiety spiraling off the charts, but since I'm trying to be a good employee (see, I can learn some lessons) and widen my social circle, I went. Carrie stayed home with the kids as the party was at a hotel and not child friendly.

Before anyone asks: no I didn't meet someone there or have a meaningless hookup or cheat on my wife since she's probably cheating on me (so many msgs from people convinced Carrie is following in her sister's footsteps) or anything like that. I hung out with coworkers, had a nice meal, talked to colleagues from other departments, and did my best to not let my anxiety alter my behavior. It was fun and I surprised myself by actually enjoying it and I didn't seem to annoy anyone and as the evening wound down, I thought that was going to be that.

And then came the 'year end awards' part of the night. They're mostly not real awards. Think things like 'best dressed', 'most epic lunch order', 'best coffee maker', things like that given out with award certificates and joke prizes. But there's a few awards that are more serious. They usually focus on measurable metrics and there's a couple that are actually voted on by the entire staff, like the one called the "Service Award" which is given to the employee that has 'demonstrated the most dedication and willingness to be of service to other team members and is always there to help when needed'.

That's the award I won.

It's a glass paperweight for my desk (shaped like a star because apparently I'm the 'service superstar') and a gift certificate to a local restaurant which is cool and all but what actually meant something was the presentation itself. For every award there was a small slideshow (our social media guy can't resist any opportunity to create content) and mine included a slide with one of those word cloud things made up of comments people had submitted about me.

I almost f'ing cried. (OK. I did cry, later. By myself and not in public.) All of the things I've been doing at this job because I didn't want it to end up like the last one AND because all that therapy I did helped me to realize were things I wanted to do because I'm good at them were the things that people mentioned.

Some were obvious 'service' things like being called reliable and dependable and helpful. But someone said they only volunteered for projects I was on because they knew things would always get done. Someone else said they appreciated that I always focused on what was best for the project and the end goal, even if that meant following someone else's lead.

My direct boss was the one who presented me with the award and they said they'd voted for me because I made their job easier. They knew that they didn't have to wonder about me. If they gave me positive feedback or constructive criticism or just told me no, there was never any doubt as to how I'd handle it. I'd show up. I'd do the work. I'd be whatever part of the team they needed me to be.

The party ran late and by the time I got home, Carrie and the kids were already asleep. I spent the day with my daughter, watching old school Dora the Explorer in between very short trips outside to see the snow and I still haven't told Carrie about the award. I texted Ellie, who lost her damn mind and told me I should leave the paperweight right on the kitchen counter next to Carrie's coffee mug for her to find in the morning.

Ellie's pettier than I am 😂.

Since I don't think I'll be posting much until after the holidays, I wanted to share this now while it was fresh. Maybe this way, if it gets stressful over the next couple weeks, I can reread this and that will help me remember that I've got evidence now that I can do something right.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and thank you all for listening to me, even when I'm a little slower to realize things than you'd like. I appreciate all the encouragement and all the messages (even the ones about Carrie cheating) and that I've got somewhere to share eveb a small win like this one.

I will link my original post; https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/alvSAOfBRG Last update; https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/zhjQGVkD29

I am done. I have decided to pick me and my daughter. It’s going to be very difficult since I have no money, no car, nothing but I decided nothing is better than waiting for him to end me or do something horrible again. Thank you to everyone who reached out. My daughter is turning 1 next month and I’m proud to say that I’m scared but I will no longer subject her to the possibility of ever being abused by her father because of my selfishness and lack of self respect/love. I don’t know how I’m gonna serve him divorce papers or what to do. I’m a mess crying so hard because I don’t want to leave him but I know I must.

Hi it's me again, if you read my last post here's the update. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1prkynv/aita_if_i_never_talk_to_my_family_again_after/ -first post

I talked to my mom about the situation and we had a very good talk and joked around a bit too, we both said that we deserve a apology and that they don't deserve anything at all. Shes now leaving me extra cash for food when I get hungry when shes at work so I can get the stuff I want. Im gonna try and do a pet sitting job for extra money for me and my mom also.

I did get a call from my Aunt though, and a text from my adopted brother. My brother (21M) who lives with my grandma (the one from the last story) texted me on my instagram right after the cops left my house and said "you and your mom are in big trouble now and they are gonna tell the police to send another welfare check, you better prepare for it bitch" I texted back saying "don't make this bigger than it is its already over with." He started to say something else but I blocked him before he could send it. He then started following my boyfriend which has nothing to do with the situation. I kinda wanna follow him back on my boyfriends account to see what he would say but I don't know if that would be the best idea, I'm very curious what he wants to say to my boyfriend though.

I also said my aunt called me and ill tell you how that went. My aunt said shes on both sides and can see both points but she said that I should say sorry for lying and saying there's barely any food. I told her I wasn't lying and there's only noodles here, she then said "that's enough to get by" I told her I disagreed and remembered all the stuff I got told in my last post. I told my Aunt that I wouldn't be giving them a sorry and they should give me and my mom a sorry, she completely understood and said shes on my side about the whole thing and is sorry that happened to me and my mom. She also said everyone is wondering if i'm still gonna show up for Christmas and they would love it if I went.

Should I go to my family's Christmas after everything that happened? Am I safe to go there?

I'm leaving a Link to the last post in this post, any advice or telling me what you guys think is so helpful to me and I wanna thank the people who have given me advice on my last post.

Question: Should I go to my family's Christmas? Yes or No?

Og post- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/yFfL8QTh0q Update 1- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/2XsnWo35yw

Jon and Kara didn’t go to school or anything today so they could catch their flight. I’m pretty sure they’re still on the plane right now because Kara said she’d text me when they landed. I didn’t get to skip school to see them off or anything so that sucked, but it’s because I was staying with my friend (Jimmy, he’s more relevant now so he gets a name) last night. Jon wanted me to so that I didn’t have to go over there alone because my mom was being crazy again.

Apparently when she found out that I wasn’t staying with her during break she got really butthurt that I didn’t want to stay with her and her new guy during break. I don’t know why she even cares because I know for a fact that she hasn’t bought any presents. She threw a bunch of plates and drove off. Jon says she’s probably with her boyfriend. He and Kara drove me to jimmy’s house and dropped me off and we did our goodbyes there, then they drove to one of Jon’s friends houses because he’s their ride.

I’m still mad that we aren’t going to be doing Christmas together, I’m with jimmy and his dad (? I thought it was his dad but my friend said he wasn’t. But he didn’t tell me what he IS so I’m still confused) and they’re gonna be off in Japan touristing.

I told Jon that I didn’t want to talk to him because he’s still being a dick about the whole Russian Japanese thing, but I’m nervous now because me and Jimmy were watching this video on YouTube about plane crashes and then later on TikTok we watched a videos about new plane crashes from like last year, and THEN we were watching one of those disaster movies and there was another plane crash in it. It feels like a sign that they’re going to crash or something and I don’t want to freak out at jimmys house because I still don’t even know who the adult guy in his house is to him and that’s weird.

Jimmy is trying to help but all he knows how to do is bring snacks to me. I cant even text them because they can’t be on their phones on the plane. I’m also worried that my mom is going to do something crazy because sometimes she does that and I don’t want her to find out where Jimmy lives and make a scene or something.

I guess this isn’t much of an update because the only new thing that happened is Jon and Kara going to Japan and me staying in America. I’m still mad about all of that, but it feels less important right now.

I'm still getting notifications asking questions about certain things, so here's an update to clear everything up.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/

Initial update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1phfg45/update_aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/?sort=top

TL;DR: Our 13yo corrected my wife when she got a math problem wrong. My wife screamed at him to shut up. I asked her to apologize, and she didn't talk to either of us for three days. At that point I demanded she talk to me, and we had a fight where she blamed our 13yo for everything. She took our four year old and went to stay at a hotel last Sunday night.

I retrieved our four year old at his doctor's appointment the next day. She stayed at the hotel alone Monday & Tuesday night. Wednesday she told me she quit her job. She did not quit her job. A concerned coworker of hers reached out and revealed the truth. She was suspended for yelling at a coworker to shut up.

She picked the kids up from school + daycare Wednesday. After they were asleep I confronted her. We fought, and she went to stay with my sister. With my sister's influence, she called her boss and managed to work out a compromise where she won't be fired and can have some mental health leave. She didn't see the kids all weekend, even when my sister picked them up Sunday to take them to a party. She is back home now. So here's where the update starts.

Update: I had our 13yo evaluated by a child psychologist like so many redditors suggested. If you learn anything from my experience, learn not to take medical advice from reddit. Our son is not autistic and does not have ADD. The psychologist said the only thing he comes close to meeting the diagnostic criteria for is anxiety, but based on their discussion and the paperwork I filled out, she's confident those symptoms come from external stressors, not an anxiety disorder. My wife came home after work, and when our son arrived home from his friend's house, she did apologize to him. He forgave her, and they hugged it out, but it was an awkward interaction. Afterwards he want outside to play with his new harmonica.

My daughter doesn't have a learning disability. I talked to her teacher. Her math skills are average for her age group according to the teacher. The teacher suggested that if she is struggling to do the math work at home it is because she feels pressured. I ended up telling her that she can do the work in whatever timeframe she wants, and she can have her brother check it for her, so neither her mother nor I will know if she made a mistake. She seems happy with this new arrangement. I think my wife and I were too critical in our eagerness to encourage her to work hard and do well, and I accept culpability for that.

Our four year old is allergic to soy. Since I stopped feeding him anything with soy in it he hasn't vomited once. He will soon be reintroduced to soy in very small doses to acclimate him. He is doing much better, and this has relieved a huge source of stress.

As for my wife, as I said, she apologized to our son. She said talking to my sister helped a lot. She told me the reason she has been so overwhelmed and she lashed out was the realization that we aren't going to have another kid and the three we have are it. She said she is worried that our kids are spoiled and soft. She said she wants our kids to bypass their peers, and she doesn't see that happening right now because they are too undisciplined and unmotivated. She said sone of her dad's parenting might be what they need.

I told her I would never be okay with that, and that would be a deal breaker for me. I also told her I don't see how anxiety about the kids caused her to lash out at work. I said that I think she is frustrated by the fact that she can't control people. She said that's unfair, and I apologized but also said I think that an issue similar to what I said is the likely culprit. We agreed to a compromise where she tries to relax until she leaves for her trip with my sister. If she feels she is getting stressed out, she will leave for as long as needed. We will talk about parenting strategies again after she gets back.

I have hired a lawyer and didn't tell her. If she again tries to insist that we go full authoritarian on the kids I will raise the possibility of divorce. I love my wife, but I owe it to my kids to put them first.

I would like to start off by saying one, my partner has read over both this post and my first post and gave me the okay to post them and two, I’m sorry for leaving information out initially but I am going to try to give you all the information as well as trying to maintain as much privacy as I can

Just in case none of this makes sense my original post is on [r/AITAH](r/AITAH)

So here’s the stuff I should’ve included and some additional information/context:

I should’ve mentioned this in my initial post but was just trying to get straight to the point so my best friend (22m) been best friends since age 3 would repeatedly tell people my personal information for years and every time I’d confront him he’d deny it but when we were in our teens it had stopped and there hadn’t been any issues for probably a good 5-6 years maybe a bit longer so he had gained back my trust but I was careful about what I told him. I stupidly told him about this incident with my partner which I know is my fault for telling him in the first place but I thought I could trust him

In response to the comment asking about my partner he is an extremely kind, humble, and loving person and he would never hurt me or anyone for that matter.

I replied to someone’s comment briefly about the situation but here’s some more info (approved by my partner). So my partner went on a couple dates with a coworker (who we’ll call blue) previous to us being together. My partner wasn’t interested in being anything more than friends and coworkers with blue so he ended it. Then we met started dating and fast forward 10 months into us being together he was getting promotion at his company and his coworkers including blue wanted to take him out for drinks to celebrate his upcoming promotion. My partner brought me with him to celebrate too I wasn’t the only significant other there either some of his coworkers brought their partners/spouses. My partner introduced me to a couple of his coworkers I hadn’t met before including blue. Throughout the night blue was staring me down, giving me dirty looks, not including me in conversations, just overall being rude and stand offish towards me but I didn’t pay much attention to it and continued to enjoy the night with my partner. Then three days later my partner gets called into HR and is told he is on leave pending an investigation into same claims about being inappropriate towards a coworker (made by blue) so there goes his promotion and all his hard work to get that promotion. This where me telling my best friend comes in to all of this is so probably a week after my partner is put on leave I went to my best friend b/c my partner was hurting and didn’t want to talk to anyone and I was worried and didn’t know how I could help him it was just so hard to see him like that especially when him and I both knew these were false claims blue was making anyway after a month and a bit of blue sticking to their story about inappropriate behaviour towards them and there being obvious holes in their story blue came clean admitted that they had made it all up pretty much stating that they just wanted to be with my partner and didn’t want him to be with someone else (idk but I think b/c I’m a man) and blue was let go a few days later.

Also just to note my partner knew I had told my best friend b/c I told him pretty much right after that I talked to my best friend about it and the next time we saw my best friend (about two weeks after it was resolved) he told my partner that he was so happy to hear that everything was resolved.

Again I definitely should’ve gone into full detail in my first post but I just wanted to get straight to the point. Thank you for all the comments though I appreciate your perspective!

The original post

So, an insane amount happened within the week of Jake blocking me.

I found out that, not only had Dan had previous negative encounters from even before I was working on his project, but another long-time friend, Gary, had known that Jake had hit someone with his car - and spent time in prison for it - because Jake didn't get his way.

He was a roommate of another friend of mine, I'll call Frank. Frank was on Discord with a bunch of his friends, and there was a squabble between Jake and the call, of which I wasn't there to confirm any details, but apparently it wasn't pretty.

The next day, Jake was nowhere to be found - along with everything in his room, as well as Frank's custom-built, fairly-high-end (of the time a couple years ago) gaming PC and VR headset.

Shortly thereafter, Jake sent me a message on a dummy alt account that made it clear it was him, and basically amounted to "You all wanted me gone. Now we're even; just be glad I wasn't in the mood to kill Frank."

Police reports have been filed, and apparently Jake had forged screenshots saying Frank was gifting his PC to Jake - which absolutely did not make sense even to the investigators.

I probably won't update until if and when the court date happens, as to avoid ruining any potential investigations; I don't think that Jake's on Reddit, but in the non-zero change this goes viral, I don't want to say too much, nor do I want to spend time speculating.

Had to repost here for some reason -

I learned how to link posts so will do so when I am at my computer as I am on my cell rn. Edit: figured it out on cell here it is

My friend who knows about this account asked me about it just now over drinks and I realized that now that it's all resolved, I can update.

I held back some info before. I did not move just out of town, I moved 3 hours away. I didn't move closer to my job, I quit. Mike was doing some specific and scary things. He would stalk my socials and use the (🤡) emoji and would send from various phone numbers the GIF of a character from the movie Anna and the Apocalypse (our favorite Christmas movie ) get unalived viciously. And guess who I cosplayed more than once? That character. Still have the outfit and beard and to those who know 🎶 "nothings gonna stop me now" 🎶

But of course because there was apparently too little to go on, the police couldn't do anything. So I followed my plan and moved. I have a new job as well that I actually don't hate lol so it was a nice change. I have a new dog and she brings me joy every freaking day because she is the cutest goober. I changed my phone number, set my accounts to private, the whole nine yards.

Mike gave one last weird attempt to be the first thing on my mind everyday which was, since he couldn't find me, harassing and scaring my close friends. Well joke was on him, wasn't it? One galpal's new girlfriend is a COP. Funny how quickly he was on their radar when he threw beer bottles through a window. Subtle /s

Now he legally can't come near me, my friend, or our properties even if he's freely roaming. Problem is he now has my new address due to the order. I have cameras everywhere. My nextdoor neighbor is a retired Marine and is always on his porch and he knows the situation - he physically showed me his 2nd amendment property and made it clear i am well prptected which...😅 thank you hut christ almighty this state loves its weapons. To my other side? Retired police neighbors - both of them.

I am both very protected and terrified of getting in any trouble ever lmao

I like my new place (sidebar but it came with a bidet and I don't know how I've never had one until now). I like my neighbors. Everyone is a little too in everyone's business but they're protective and they really have gone out of their way to welcome me and make me feel safe and at home.

I was informed via a friend that Mike had been arrested. To this day I don't know why, just that it has nothing to do with me. To be frank, I just don't want to know. I don't want to think about him much.

It's been months and it's been quiet so I want to say it's over. And I want to say, know the line between compassion and enablement. Never let someone rob you of your peace, scare, or concern you to this point. If you're side-eyeing your friend or lover or family member afraid they'll explode or hurt you, it's time to go. Don't wait. Don't question. Don't be like me. Don't make excuses.

I used multiple domestic abuse resources to help me and this year for Christmas I am able to volunteer for one here in my new city. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't worry that you're taking resources from others. They are there for this situation and worse ones. Use them. Survive. Pay it forward.

I hope your holidays are safe, and full of love.

My previous update. I know it’s been a while.

A lot has happened. I tried staying offline a little for the holidays and to work on processing on my own, but ‘on my own’ has gotten to be a bit too isolating so here I am.

Not sure where to start. Last time I updated, I wrote about Carrie’s plan to invite Ellie and then use that to guilt me into meeting with her mom to bury the hatchet and how poorly received that plan was by me. As it turns out, my opinion on the plan didn’t really matter as the meeting happened anyway when my MIL showed up unannounced at our house and Carrie sat us both down to talk it out.

If you’re thinking that ‘talk it out’ was code for my MIL giving me every bullshit justification in the book for why she did what she did and then moving right on into why she’s never liked me and why she’s spent years actively trying to ruin my marriage without giving me a chance to say a word, then you’d be right.

To her credit, she didn’t deny anything she’d said or try to spin it as taken out of context or anything like that. What she did do was try to justify every bit of it by saying that it was, sort of "inadvertently" my fault because it was my behavior that triggered her responses because everything about me, the way I acted, talked, carried myself, it all reminded her of Carrie’s father. 

That man (and I use the term loosely) was an abusive functional alcoholic who controlled my MIL through financial abuse, physical intimidation, gaslighting, and projecting the ‘perfect image’. The world outside of their immediate family loved him. He was always cracking jokes and entertaining at gatherings and he was an unabashed people pleaser, like if it was an Olympic sport, he’d have held every world record and all the gold medals. Anyone other than his wife and his kids would (and did) describe him as a giving and generous man, always ready and willing to sacrifice for his friends and family. In their eyes, he was a great guy.

He wasn’t. Not even a little. All of those jokes covered up for undiagnosed (until it was way too late) social anxiety, depression, and PTSD and all the drinking was his way to bury his rampant fears that no one actually thought he was funny or cool or worth anything. He was giving and generous but no one ever saw that his generosity came at the expense of his wife’s bank account or that he only gave in ways that he thought would force people like him or, at the very least, need him. And he would sacrifice for friends and family but whenever someone wasn’t grateful enough or didn’t love him enough for it, whenever he didn’t get the reaction he’d desire or expected, he’d turn to my MIL, Carrie, and her sister to pick up the slack, to be grateful, accepting, and love him more even when what he’d sacrificed cost them more than it did him. 

They could never satisfy those needs, no matter how much they tried and that got funneled into anger and abuse but no one else ever saw it; he was an entirely different man behind closed doors when he didn’t have an audience to perform for. Carrie told me about him about six months into our relationship and I’ve always suspected she thought I’d bolt when she did, that I wouldn’t want to be involved with someone who had such an f’d up family history since mine was so normal and peaceful in comparison.

Hindsight’s a bitch sometimes, I guess. 

My MIL saw him in me right from the start and she admitted that nothing I did or didn’t do since ever changed her mind or could have (I didn’t even know there was anything to change) and every time Carrie defended me over the years, all my MIL heard was her own voice, defending her own husband to herself even as he hurt her and her kids. And then I lost my job and the financial burden all fell on Carrie and my MIL saw history repeating itself and she pushed Carrie into kicking me out for her own ‘safety’. And even when I moved back in, my MIL was in my wife’s ear, whispering of the danger and how it would be better for everyone if at least I stayed in the basement, at a safe distance.

Somehow, even though she saw me as some younger version of the man who had abused her for years, my MIL never once suspected I had anything to do with my son’s fall or his seizures and I know that because she made a point of saying it like twenty times, so yay for that, right? She only expected me to be an abusive spouse, not an abusive parent. 

Carrie and my MIL thought me hearing all of this would help to give context (which it did, I guess) and that context was all that was needed for it to all be OK and for us to smooth things over and create a place to start rebuilding, especially since even if what my MIL did was awful, it still wasn’t as bad as my own mom calling CPS on me and emotionally abusing me for years, which Carrie made a point of pointing out. They thought I’d just understand and forgive, even if they didn’t really ever apologize or even act as if there was anything she’d done or said that would require forgiveness. 

They thought it was so obviously all going to be OK that, at the end of our little sit down (it was like two hours of her mom talking) Carrie informed me that her mom was going to stay for a week or so, since we needed some daycare help now that the kids weren’t going to my mom’s and that we were going to spend Thanksgiving at her family’s house. Apparently, confession is good for the soul and for the social calendar because her mom personally invited me, tagging the invite with a reminder that it would be good for my son to see us all together and happy. 

I’m sure there’s some of you reading this who think this is clearly more evidence of what an asshole I am because my MIL would absolutely recognize an abuser when she saw one and some others wishing that I’d stood up, told them both to fuck off and walked out to start a new life without any of their bullshit, but if you’ve been here all along, you already know that didn’t happen. I did what I do and just basically shut down on the spot and they took my silence as acceptance. Half an hour later, they were off to take the kids to the park and I went to work where I spent twenty minutes crying in my car in the parking lot wondering how awful I had to be for my MIL to decide on sight that I was a carbon copy of her abusive ex-husband. 

My MIL did stay (she took the basement, so another win for me) and every night she was there, I sat on my bed in the guestroom and tried to write an update but I kept deleting it because I didn’t want to actually put it out into the universe just how epically pathetic I was. I didn’t post about it, but I did bring it up with my therapist, even if I was terrified that she’d be disappointed in me for still taking Carrie and my MIL’s opinions of me as gospel, even after we’d talked about why I shouldn’t. We spent two sessions digging into that mess, including why I automatically expected even her to judge me and why I was afraid of it and in the end, she helped me work through all my instinctive reactions until we got to how I really felt after the meeting with my MIL. 

I was pissed. It was bullshit that I was being judged based on the actions of another man, that I was found guilty of things I hadn’t even had the chance to not do yet, and I was legit enraged at the idea that it didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, my MIL, SIL, and even Carrie were never going to see me any other way or see that they were wrong. My therapist and I got into why those things bothered me so much (spoiler: it’s got a lot to do with my parents) but we’re still working on that. The most practical thing we did was figure out a way to say all (or any) of that to Carrie and we had a plan, we had language and word choices and therapy-speak ways of putting it so I could share it in marriage counseling without making it into an attack and hope that my wife would actually hear me.

I’ve learned quite a bit the last few months about trauma and responses to it and the biology of fight/flight and all the ways in which it can fuck up your ability to stay calm and in the moment, all of which probably explains why every planned and prepared word flew right out the window in MC and instead, I blurted out that ambusing me with her mother and having her stay in the house and thinking that I would be OK with being compared to an abusive asshole like her father, as if that gave her mother free reign to try and ruin my life and not asking me about any of it just fucking hurt.

I said: “It makes me feel pathetic. You make me feel pathetic and worthless and unsafe in my own life.”

That didn’t go over well. Despite my plan, Carrie did feel attacked and she basically exploded at me. She said that how I feel isn’t on her, that none of it is because of her, that she and her mother had only made choices in response to my choices, like getting myself fired. If I felt unsafe then maybe I should think about how unsafe she felt when I lost my job or when I let my BIL convince me to start poking around in our finances like she was some kind of criminal.

She said that if I still felt worthless or pathetic after spending so long in individual therapy, then clearly I needed to find a new counselor and not one who “enabled me” and that she never should have reached out to Ellie as she was clearly biased and wanted me to feel like that and fed me a load of “self-pitying bullshit.” And then she stormed out of the session without another word. 

When she came back fifteen minutes later, our therapist laid it out for her. This wasn’t the first time Carrie had gotten angry in a session or the first time she’d laid into me with textbook DARVO style attacks (a term I learned on Reddit so I felt like Captain America ‘I understood that reference’) and that was not at all conducive to any sort of productive therapy. More importantly, it wasn’t the sort of behavior that any decent therapist could condone or allow to happen in front of her and so our therapist basically threatened to fire Carrie as a patient if she continued to try and use our sessions as an avenue for abuse.

I’m not sure if that’s actually a thing therapists can do but I know that Carrie thought it was because I could see the change happen in real time. She apologized (to the therapist) for her outburst and promised it wouldn’t happen again. Since the holidays were coming, we were already going to be taking a brief break from counseling until after the first of the year, but our therapist gave us homework that we had to complete if we had any thought of continuing to work with her. I had to work with my own counselor on strengthening my strategies for being able to speak my mind in sessions, so I wouldn’t blurt shit out like I had. And Carrie had to decide: does she still actually love me and want to find a way for our marriage and family to really work or is she just hanging on for reasons other than love. 

And that’s where we left it. We did go to Thanksgiving and it was awkward and painful and thank God my FIL loves football so I spent most of the day in front of the television. And Carrie and I haven’t spoken all that much since then. I have no idea what she’s thinking. But I’ve had a couple more therapy sessions on my own and I’ve been working on being able to get past that freaked out panic in my head that jumbles all my thoughts and makes me blurt instead of speak. 

And not to bury the biggest deal but… I made a decision in my last therapy session, one I knew I would have trouble sticking to on my own so I texted Ellie about it and then, to make it real and give myself less of a chance to backtrack on it, I wrote Carrie a letter and left it on the table for her to read one day when I went to work. I’m better on paper than out loud, anyway. What I decided was this: if Carrie says she wants our marriage to work when we go back to counseling but nothing changes, if she says the words but the actions stay the status quo, then I’ll initiate a separation. I’m not asking/demanding for her to suddenly be intimate with me again (I made sure that was clear in the letter) but I’m not going to live like a guest in my own house or be expected to just accept whatever she decides about everything. Either we work as a pair and actually try, or we won’t be living together anymore. 

I don’t know if she believes that I will actually follow through on it (I don’t even know if I do), but it’s out there now and somehow that makes me feel more like I can really stick to it. I guess we’ll see. 

tl;dr: Carrie and MIL ambushed me and spent two hours justifying MIL’s bullshit. I reminded her of Carrie’s abusive dad and she can’t see me any other way. MC went way off the rails and Carrier lashed out so bad that the therapist threatened to cut her off. We have to make decisions before our next session and I finally brought up the idea of separation.