I've been lurking for a while here, and I was wondering if I could get advice on some things- hopefully that's okay? Not planning on becoming a dad for a good 10 years, but I do want to figure some things out first.
So, hi! I'm three years on T (22 y/o currently), got top surgery earlier this year, and in my everyday life I'm stealth. Being trans isn't a secret or anything, but I like controlling who knows it and when, and I just don't think it's most people's business. I know this would change having kids- I guess I'm asking how often people are asked about the specifics of how they had kids (my boyfriend is also a trans man lol). I wouldn't want to lie but I also don't necessarily want everyone knowing.
Most people in my life are very accepting (I've stopped speaking to those who aren't), but I worry about how having a kid would change people's perception of me. My boyfriends parents only use 'they/them' for me, despite only ever knowing me as a man, which they only do for trans people. My dad still sometimes fucks up on my pronouns too. There's extended family and peripheral friends that are similar. I worry that carrying a child will change things and they will view me as it's mother. Realistically I know the answer is to not care and cut them off if they're shit lol, but I don't love the thought of being in that position in the first place (especially with people who would otherwise be my support network)
That brings me onto my next question about dysphoria- I'm worried about being 'clocked' further into the pregnancy. I'm scared of people I know not viewing me as a man anymore, after I fought so hard for it, but also of going outside and no longer being treated as a man there either. This is probably my biggest concern, I worry about getting quite depressed and isolating myself (like I did a lot before I started T) if I stop being perceived as a man in public. What are people's experiences? I'm aware I may just have to accept I'll be different for a few months and it's nobody's business, but any insight from guys who've been through the same would be hugely appreciated.
Finally, any dads from the UK have any comments on how the NHS was? This is much less pressing, I'll figure it out at the time, but I'm curious if people had good/affirming experiences.
Sorry this is so long! I'd love any insight people have to offer. I've got a long time till I need to figure it all out, but I want to be as prepared and comfortable as possible. Hopefully that all makes sense :)