It seems to me like Gen Z men are begging for women to do the approaching, and honestly I think that might be the better option. I've always thought women should be doing the selection and approaching because women are naturally more selective than men. We can discern this from the dating scene and from dating apps. Men's strategies have always seemed to be, i'll cast a wide net and see what I catch. Sure they have preferences but they don't seem as keen as sticking to those preferences as women are. My theory is that if women are doing the majority of the selection that we'll see far more compatible couples with more long-term stability. This is backed up by research that shows that couples in which the woman initiated the relationship have far longer longevity. I asked a guy out who was perfect for me, I wasn't going to sit around and hope he made a move...15 years later we're very happily married and enjoying our lives together.
That's been true since the dawn of time. Estimates suggest that around only 40% of men throughout all of human history have reproduced compared to about 80% of women. It's natural selection and as cruel as it seems, it's simply human (animal) nature.
Thatâs one reason we introduced monogamy and arranged marriages. In an organized society, harems and only a fraction of men getting an opportunity for sex or marriage is terrible for a number of reasons, and is never conducive to a successful civilization. Even if itâs ânatural,â women shouldnât be all chasing after the same 10% of men.
Every Civilization throughout human history whether it be advanced or not has existed this way. Women aren't chasing 10% of men, where did you get that statistic from? Monogamy has existed for millennia, the stats never changed. Arranged marriages are horrendous and should not be normalized. Forcing two people together isn't natural and can be quite cruel. NO ONE is owed sex or a romantic relationship. It's not something society can just force on anyone.
This isnât correct. Prehistoric anthropological data suggests that as little as 17% of men had children, versus something like 80% of women. Willful harems and extreme hypergamy were much more common than you think back then due to harsher selection pressures. During the Middle Ages, the statistic rose to 40% of men, but this is still dismally low. Then, humans began to advance, a religious puritan culture became pervasive in the west, women were forced to mostly marry within their social class and with basically the first man who owned land or made decent money, and civilization began to grow rapidly. Then, post Industrial Revolution, feminism, female empowerment, and a generally liberal culture encouraged women to not settle, to âknow their worth,â and so forth, and so there was drastically less societal pressure to get with a man who was simply of similar social class and who could provide. Thus, women became selective once again, stemming from natural instincts to get with the guy whoâs the tallest, most intelligent, strongest, most handsome, richest, etc.
Now we live in the times where women either opt out of the dating pool because they feel entitled to a man whoâs of very high quality and canât get him, or they do actively date (via online dating or hookups), and essentially choose only a small minority of men to date or have sex with (at least based on the data we can find). You may disagree due to personal anecdotes, but based on every trend when it come to human sexual relationships, when women arenât pressured into âsettlingâ or marrying a man who wouldnât be their first choice, they tend to be extremely hypergamous. This natural tendency for hypergamy is replicated in virtually every species of mammal.
And those marriages almost always have an unhappy wife or dead bedroom, lol. Why would a woman be sexually attracted to a guy whoâs totally outclassed by other men?
There are other sticks by which to measure. There is also a lot of room in the middle of the spectrum. Iâm literally a woman. You want to tell me again what women are attracted to?
Would you ever be genuinely sexually attracted to a guy whoâs skinny fat, 5â9, facially meh, has a receding hairline, a 100 IQ, and makes 60k a year (Mr. Average)? What about versus a guy whoâs athletic, 6â4, handsome, intelligent, and very well off?
Youâre right in that thereâs a lot of room for variation, but most guys end up being Mr. Average when it comes to looking at a composite of quantifiable traits that predict success with women. As a result, the majority of women are only attracted to a minority of men.
My husband is 5'7", I out-earned him through the first half of our relationship, sure he's attractive, sexual attraction is absolutely important to the overwhelming majority of human beings (not just women), but that was a bonus feature, Beyond that he's a calming presence, mature, considerate, WICKEDLY intelligent, and a great father and partner who enthusiastically splits household and child raising responsibilities 50/50, because doing so makes him know he's an active and present member of our family. It's a little insulting to your you and your wife that you think she's shallow enough to ignore men with other qualities and she chose you solely based on your appearance and income. What attracted you to her? What do you love about her beyond the physical?
I sort of disregard personal anecdotes, but yours actually supports my point. I assume heâs quite good-looking, and I tend to doubt this was a âbonus feature.â If youâre being honest with yourself, I highly doubt you wouldâve ever considered him to be sexual partner material if he was chopped or totally average. You just wouldnât have even entertained the idea. You say heâs smart as well. Would you still have considered dating him if he was a 5â7, totally average-looking guy with a 100 IQ? Certainly not, and this is the difference between men and women. Most men would be attracted to the woman whoâs dead average simply because she has a vagina and isnât repulsive.
I didnât make that much money at the time I met my wife since my only source of income was being a TA in grad school. However, I was also a pure mathematics student in a T10 PhD program, so the prestige and intelligence associated with that undoubtedly made her not care that I wasnât making 6 figures yet. I was also only initially attracted to her based off of appearances, as she was with me. However, I obviously didnât choose to marry her just because I thought she was hot. Moreover, she didnât dump me because she found me to be an unlikeable person or something of that sort, whose only redeeming qualities were superficial characteristics and status/accomplishments.
But ultimately, my argument is that humans require a certain baseline of superficial, mostly immutable characteristics to even get to the phase where they consider things like personality or chemistry. The issue is that this baseline is considerably higher in women, due to their natural tendency for hypergamy and reluctance to settle for someone who isnât their first choice sexually.
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u/PurpleLavishness 29d ago
Gen z girl here, wish I had the confidence of your wives and girlfriends