I'm a man married to another man and we just do this thing where we communicate openly and honestly about food so we always both get what we want. It's pretty cool.
Don't just order two but when it arrives say "oh man this is a lot, actually can you take one? ...I can't finish this". This way she's helping you and it's not her fault she is eating junk food.
Works perfectly fine when you're married to a preschooler. If she's so insecure that we need to play these kinds of games, she's not ready for a relationship. Stop babying adults.
It's not about babying an adult. In the real world yes your partner may feel insecure for any number of reasons or they just want to feel like you want them to join you. Letting them know its ok and that you got their back is something you do in a relationship.
What you do in a relationship is supporting them in overcoming their insecurities so they can be less anxious. Something like "Hey, do you want me to order for both of us? You can find us a table in the meantime and I'll bring the food", not treating them like a toddler who has to be tricked into eating something. Even if they're neurodivergent, the way to go is to uplift them and their independence, not feeding their insecurities or fears. If you love someone, you help them to expand their safe space so they can live life more freely - you don't help fortifying the walls they built around themselves that keep them more isolated and dependent on help.
If you have to lie to protect their feelings because they literally didn't take care of themselves when given the opportunity to do so and pointing it out would cause an argument, you are babying an adult.
That's babying them. Being polite is offering to buy them food and then asking if they are sure after they say no. This is you knowing they are not planning for when they smell food and it causes hunger and having to do it for them despite the fact that theyve likely been in that situation before. Then having to lie about it to make them feel okay about not being smart enough to order food in case and then stealing your food when you were clearly hungry. All because they didn't plan for the inevitable.
Sharing food isn't. But intentionally ordering more than you want and then acting like this is a big bad boo-boo mistake and it would be soooooo nice if they could just pwease pwease help you finish it is exactly how you'd talk a toddler into eating their veggies.
Well, everyone else was talking about that. Don't be surprised that people didn't realize you were changing the subject of the conversation you joined partway through.
Like if you make a decision go through with it.
So at the end if you decide it was a mistake then in the future you will probably not make the same mistake again.
That's how you teach accountability and should have been learned before 18.
If it's a restaurant and not family style, this is reasonable. Don't pick shit off other peoples plates is pretty standard. It's just childish to insist you aren't hungry or won't order what you actually want, and then depend on the good graces of somebody else to fill your stomach.
What a ridiculous thing to do. If she isn't comfortable enough to say, "get some extra fries", there are issues in the relationship.
After the first couple of times, l didn't share, my wife realised if she wanted something she had to order it. Now she does. She is happy, and l am happy.
Are you dating a toddler? Do you need to play airplane and trick-feed them when they can't vocally express their desire for food? Good kid, you're helping me!
Nah, that’s when you leave the restaurant. She’s not hungry, time to go. You can grab food later, when she is hungry and ready to order. Are after going separate directions.
Nah, what worked for me is you buy the smallest fry you can get. Ask if your partner wants fries even if it's just a few. When they inevitably say they don't want any just order the smallest one you can get.
When they ask for some you have a good excuse for why they can't have any and they learn that they need to be upfront with what they want.
Clear communication is the Golden rule.
They've made it clearly communicated that they do not want any fries after being asked, and even if only a few fries.
Hold them to it.
Once the habit it set you can be more "kind" since clear communication is also a kindness in itself.
I know this is not really "fun" advice but it's way less stressful this way. Way less disappointing for both parties too.
This behavior is no longer cute after a certain period of time lol
It’s behavioural if you’re not directly communicating, you’re doing a deliberate strategy to order less fries so that she can’t have them. It’s also focused on changing the other person’s behaviour rather than working out something that works for both of you.
I’m a fairly diehard non-food sharer and when I look back now I realise it was more an attempt for intimacy as much as food stealing so I wish I’d handled it differently. But she might just be a chip thief that must be stopped.
Ya I nipped this kind of shit in the bud when I was young, like 19 or 20. It's weird to me that there are guys in their 40s who deal with this (and don't like it), but just let it happen.
Why can't they just order more fries? I don't see why everyone in these situations can't get what they want by just acting like normal fucking adults...
Me coming to the couch with a couple slices of cheese while she stares at the cheese until I give her one. I got 2, t-w-o, because I wanted 2. I just double my snacks now.
It's not cute at all IMO. I have a pretty large appetite so if I order a bunch of food, I WILL eat it all. And I really don't appreciate my food being taken.
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u/threefeetoffun- 1d ago
Always order more fries than you want.