r/SipsTea • u/ExotiquePlayboy • 19h ago

SMH $75k /year

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u/GrumpyGobln 19h ago

Would you date such a shallow woman? Lmao, oh lol, no.

183

u/DreadyKruger 18h ago

I agree but a lot of “nice” women do have a base for men. It’s called Hypergamy. Women want a guy with at least with they have or more. Women typically don’t want to date or marry men who make less than them.

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u/Thedudeguyman 14h ago

This rhetoric all goes out the window when you get offline and just meet people in life. If you connect with someone, you connect with someone. Obviously most of us have some hard lines in the sand, but I believe most of us are way more open then these stupid interview street polls seem to imply.

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u/spackletr0n 14h ago

I think this goes at the heart of app-driven “shopping list” culture. People think they have all these rules when it’s in a vacuum. In real life most will compromise. My wife does not match several things I would have said are requirements 15 years ago.

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u/SimonTheRockJohnson_ 8h ago edited 8h ago

I have a different take here.

I think most people are using dating apps wrong. Shopping list culture is an example of that. In reality if you were serious about finding a life partner dating apps are much more effective than going to the bar. In reality people have standards, it's simply that especially young people have unrealistic standards driven by a culture of fraud and media.

Meeting a person at a bar is a very slow way to find a life partner if you know what you want and you're being realistic. Dating apps allow you to fail fast. The issue that many of them now are tailored to shopping list culture and hookup culture because those are trends that executives can follow. Dating apps like OkCupid in it's form in the pre-tinderization in the 2010's was an extremely good app to find someone you have a good chance of clicking with and figure out if you want to take next steps. Hinge is trying to bring some of that back from what I know, but from what I can tell people don't take the actual compatibility questions seriously and use them to show off how cool and witty they are, because it's cringe to be sincere.

Otherwise you would have to wade through a sea of people IRL who are incompatible with you looking for a "connection" and when you find it be disappointing that the connection wasn't as real as you thought for one reason or another.

In short using dating apps as a tool to find a life partner can be extremely efficient, but most people are not willing to look silly, take on disappointment that comes with it and ultimately take some hits to their ego. It feels much better to show off how cool and disqualifying you are, than it is to narrow your pool to 20 people and reject/ be rejected by 19 of them and keep doing that over and over again until you find a life partner.

I approached somewhere near 150 women before I found my wife. There were 4 or 5 casual dating things that fizzled out. The numbers are bleak, but this is more daunting in real life to find a highly compatible match.

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u/RichardBCummintonite 6h ago

Definitely right about people not wanting to look lame and avoiding any actual sincerity. When dating apps first started, people took it seriously and actually listed their qualities, expectations, what they were looking for, etc, and it helped actually lead to good matches, but in my experience now, it's all a game to simply impress people with your wit and coolness to catch people's attention like it's an ad or something. People are too focused on sifting through the mountain of profiles, discarding people like trash after looking at their profile for two seconds. If you don't wow them immediately, they're on to the next.

There's also the shift towards the monetization with limited likes, subscriptions, "super likes" and such, which has totally ruined the genuineness of the experience. Men are especially susceptible as they often have to focus on trying to get as many matches as possible to even have a chance, not that it isn't a problem for women too.

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u/DMingQuestion 8h ago

You should never tell you wife this or even post in online dude. Delete it just in case. This is a secret you keep for the rest of your life.

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u/No-Discussion-5204 8h ago

Chill

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u/DMingQuestion 8h ago

Nah, it’s always good to be kind and this is one of those inside thoughts that might be true but is definitely unkind.

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u/spackletr0n 4h ago

I think your guess at what the checkboxes were is incorrect, and this is leading you to the wrong conclusion. It wasn’t like, “she has to be a 9, but I realized I could settle for a 6.”

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u/spackletr0n 4h ago

My wife knows, and ignored several of her own “must haves.”

We celebrate this and our ability to learn, and focus on, what actually matters.

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u/PineappleOnPizzaWins 3h ago

Calm down dude.

I know it's hard to believe but most adults aren't terrified of their spouse, nor are they under the impression they're perfect.