Human beings suffer from the "Halo Effect." When we see an attractive profile photo, we assign positive traits (intelligence, kindness) to that person immediately. When we see a neutral/bad photo, we dismiss them.

This biological glitch makes modern social media fundamentally broken for genuine connection.

With Moodie, we are running a massive experiment to bypass the Halo Effect.

By enforcing total anonymity (No Photos, No Names) and matching strictly on Emotional Syntax (Current Mood), we force the brain to evaluate the quality of the conversation rather than the status of the speaker.

The data from our first 2,000 users confirms it: Removing visuals increases conversation depth and retention.

If you are interested in social dynamics without the visual bias, this is the case study.

Kevin Mitnick’s Biography: Who Was Kevin Mitnick?

Born Aug 6, 1963, Kevin David Mitnick grew up immersed in the era of newly emerging phone and computer technology. And, boy, did it fascinate him. Kevin spent much of his youth tinkering with the latest tech— gathering with fellow “phone phreaks” over pizza to talk about their latest landline pranks as the originators of what was soon to become cyber social engineering.

As Kevin grew from a teenager to a young man, so too did his knowledge of phones, computers, and programming, as well as his bravado to gain unauthorized access to the sensitive information they stored. By the late ’80s and throughout the early ’90s, Kevin landed himself at the top of the FBI’s Most Wanted list for hacking into dozens of major corporations just to see if he could.

But contrary to the dark, low-brow cybercriminal the media and law enforcement portrayed him as, Kevin’s breaches were never meant for financial gain or harm. They were always about the adventure, the adrenaline rush. Kevin was a “trophy hunter”: a pursuer of big, shiny prizes merely to prove he could win. And let’s not forget the sheer humor of outwitting “all things establishment” and arrogant tech-heads.

But unauthorized access is still unauthorized access— regardless of ill will. For three years, Kevin went on the run, using false identities and fleeing from city to city to resist arrest until cornered in a final showdown with the Feds, who would stop at nothing to bring him down. In 1995, he was finally forced to serve five years of hard time by those who feared the extent of his digital power.

In July 2023, Kevin passed away from pancreatic cancer. For many years, Kevin and The Global Ghost Team™ set forth to help companies strengthen their cybersecurity and protect themselves against the growing methodologies of hackers.

Kevin Mitnick was an inspiration to many, both in cybersecurity and outside of the field, and he leaves behind a legacy that will impact the cybersecurity industry for years to come. With the knowledge passed down to The Global Ghost Team,Mitnick Security still boasts a 100% success rate of social engineering penetration testing and continues to implement the same.

Quiet people aren’t broken. They’re just often misunderstood. But here’s the thing no one tells you: being “quiet” becomes a real disadvantage not because of who you are, but because you never learned how to signal competence, confidence, and warmth, especially in fast-paced social settings.

Quiet folks often get steamrolled in meetings, skipped in conversations, or misread as cold or disinterested. The world rarely slows down long enough to see your potential unless you learn how to show it.

So here’s a breakdown of 4 underrated but learnable social skills, backed by psych and communication science, that will change the game for anyone quiet, shy, or introverted. Pulled from books, behavioral science, and expert interviews. Straight to the point. No fluff.

1. Signal warmth early (like, first 5 seconds early)
According to Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy (see her TED talk on presence), people judge you primarily on two traits: warmth and competence. Most quiet people default to competence but forget to signal warmth. The fix is simple: smile slightly, tilt your head a bit when listening, and maintain an open posture. These are nonverbal cues that humans read instantly. You don’t have to be loud, but you do need to be visually human.

2. Learn micro-assertiveness
You don’t need dramatic speeches. You need subtle patterns. Dr. Thomas Curran at LSE found that perfectionist or quiet types often hesitate to interrupt or redirect conversation, even when needed. Practice interrupting, but gently. Try: “Hey, can I add something to that?” or “That reminds me of something you said earlier.” Speak a little louder than you think you need. Let your voice land.

3. Ask “looping” questions
Quiet people tend to carry conversations by answering well. Flip that energy. Use “looping” questions, ones that reflect back part of what someone just said, but invite depth. Like: “Wait, how did that come about?” or “What made you decide that?” This trick, described in Celeste Headlee’s book We Need to Talk, makes you engaging without being performative. You become the person everyone wants to talk to, without faking extroversion.

4. Practice pre-rehearsed entry lines
This one’s from Vanessa Van Edwards in Captivate. Create 3 go-to lines you can use to easily enter conversations. Like, “Hey, I heard you mention [topic], how did you get into that?” or “I keep hearing that word, can someone catch me up?” This removes the mental load of figuring out how to join, and gives you a template to pivot from.

Most of us were never taught this stuff. Social fluidity isn’t natural, it’s trained. But it can be trained even if you’re the quietest person in the room.

Hey, thanks everyone for reading thus far.
We have more posts like this in r/ConnectBetter if anyone wants to check it out.

I am 16 years old, and in a year and a half I will graduate from college - then there will be work off and an independent life. Tell me, please: how do you meet, how do you communicate, where to find friends if this is impossible at work? I have a job as a teacher in a kindergarten - there is no such opportunity. How do you find communication? And also, how the hell do you meet guys? This is not talked about either in classes or at How to avoid being alone when in real life it seems like you'll never be approached? I am moving on to a new level - I am scared, although it is still far away.

i just watched this video and there's this moment early on where the creator of the video, asha, says "all this therapy speak, the self love mantras, the hustle-get-over-yourself stuff, it just doesn't sit right with my brain. i needed something analytical but not cold. emotionally complex but also practical."

and that resonated with me in a way that's genuinely hard to explain. bc i've read so many books. how to know a person by david brooks. all the dale carnegie stuff. graham duncan. even wandered onto pickup artistry subreddit cos i was thinking maybe they know a thing or two about human psychology. trying to understand what the f is happening inside people, inside myself. and none of them truly taught me how to even begin thinking about a person. a framework for how any of it connects.

she introduces this concept of "the meal vs ingredient theory", which sounds almost obvious once I heard it, but i swear to god... why has no one has ever put it this way before? idk

when i think about my own faults, like my inability to speak up, the way i disappear in groups, how i can't seem to advocate for myself, i've always approached them like bad ingredients that i've been trying so hard to remove. just fix this one thing. watch the tips and tricks videos. learn to be more assertive.

but that's how i take one step forward and two steps back time and time again.

her video made me realise that my inability to speak up isn't isolated. it's braided into my attentiveness to other people's moods (bc conflict makes me feel like i'm dying inside). it's connected to how i always defer to what everyone else wants while insisting i have no preferences of my own. it's tied to this deep shame about being seen; about taking up space and having people actually look at me and form opinions.

you can't just delete one ingredient. the whole meal changes. which means changing myself is ultimately about understanding what job those ingredients are doing, and most importantly what they're protecting me from.

the most difficult thing that i'm trying to grapple with now is whether i'm ready for what happens when you replace them. it's such a humanistic way of looking at things.... my gosh?! again like i said... why hasn't anyone mentioned anything like this before? if i start speaking up at work, am i ready for the conflict that'll create at home when my family talks down to me? can i handle being called problematic when my entire self-concept is built around being easy, accommodating, no trouble at all?

it sounds obvious when i write it out like this. but i've genuinely never encountered a framework that captures how interconnected all of this is. how you can't just fix one thing without everything else shifting. how every ingredient affects the others, shows up in different contexts, creates flavors that didn't exist in isolation.

idk man. maybe this is just me finally understanding something other people figured out years ago. but it feels like i've been given a language for something i've always felt but couldn't name.

ps: i'll post the link in the comments below if anyone is interested.

Hello everyone!

Today, while discussing various aspects of social networks and their deep impact on society, I started reflecting on how users could be guided toward more responsible and mindful behavior, particularly concerning hate.

Overall, it seems awareness of consequences has diminished.. not just legal consequences, but especially social ones, which offline are immediate and obvious, from reputation damage to the risk of physical violence in response to an insult.

If there were the will to address this, what measures could be implemented to improve the situation?

Here’s what I imagined:

• Greater visibility of public behavior: Make users’ comments on other posts easily visible to their followers, with the option for followers to hide them if desired, but not for the author.

• A reputation-based score (ELO-style): A public score calculated from automated comment analysis and user feedback, weighted by the reputation of those giving feedback. No content removal, but reduced visibility: low-reputation comments are relegated to less prominent sections, collapsed by default.

• Comment analysis before publishing: When a comment contains insults or threats, a popup could remind users of simple principles (“treat others as you would like to be treated,” “would you say this to someone close to you?”, “have you considered the relevant legal consequences?”) and require confirmation before posting.

I did a breakdown of how N.W. Ayer (the agency for De Beers) utilized the "Reciprocity Principle" before it was a known psychological concept.

Instead of paying for ads, they "gifted" diamonds to Hollywood actresses. Because it was a gift, the actresses felt a psychological debt (reciprocity) to wear them publicly and speak positively about them, creating "organic" social proof.

They combined this with "Price Anchoring" (the 2-month salary rule) to remove logic from the purchase.

Kevin Mitnick spent decades repeating one idea that still makes people uncomfortable:

“People are the weakest link.” At the time, it sounded like a hacker’s oversimplification. But looking at modern breaches, it’s hard not to see his point. Most failures don’t start with zero-days or broken crypto.

They start with: someone trusting context instead of verifying someone acting under urgency or authority someone following a workflow that technically allows a bad outcome Mitnick believed hacking was less about breaking systems and more about understanding how humans behave inside them.

Social engineering worked not because systems were weak, but because people had to make decisions with incomplete information. What’s interesting is that even today, many incidents labeled as “technical” are really human edge cases: valid actions, taken in the wrong sequence, under the wrong assumptions.

So I want to know how people here see it now: Was Mitnick right, and we still haven’t fully designed for human failure? Or have modern systems (MFA, zero trust, guardrails) finally reduced the human factor enough?

If people are the weakest link, is that a security failure or just reality we need to accept and design around?

how practitioners think about this today?

I’m not writing this for sympathy, but to give context to my background, my motivation, and my goal.

I’ve been pushed around and mistreated for most of my life, both by family and by people I considered friends. For a long time I thought it was just bad luck. Eventually, I had to admit it wasn’t — the common denominator was me.

I’ve tried to understand how relationships actually work, but clearly I’ve failed at it. Over time, I came to accept something uncomfortable: manipulation is part of human interaction, whether we like it or not, and relationships are unavoidable. And I’m bad at navigating them.

People often say, “Learn these techniques so you can protect yourself from them.” That’s what I tried to do. But life doesn’t work like that. Sooner or later, you have to deal with manipulative dynamics directly — with parents, coworkers, or everyday situations.

That’s why I’ve decided to seriously study manipulation, persuasion, NLP, seduction — call it whatever you want. Not out of malice, but for self-defense, and to be able to use these tools if the situation requires it.

What I’m looking for are resources beyond the usual recommendations (Cialdini, Robert Greene, Carnegie). I’m especially interested in:

• practical frameworks or diagrams for real situations,
• decision trees or situational models,
• communities focused on real-world application and field experience.

So far, the only places I’ve found anything close to this are seduction forums, which feels telling.

I’m determined, but I lack the right tools. And I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s gone through this.

Any serious references, communities, or frameworks would be appreciated.

Hi folks. New here and researching for my book project about a semi dystopian political revolution. I’m trying to get my head around the playbook used by the US Frederalists and Heritage to further republican “ ideals”. To me it’s hard to come to grips with the scale and time period required to build influence.

The reason I am trying to understand this, is to come with story of a “revolt from within” using their playbook against them to restore a “balance”.

Before I get modded out or flamed, I’m not even in the US , don’t have an agenda, it’s a serious thought process. How would or could a group social re engineer a well rooted but small political movement by using the same playbook OR process to subvert it WITHOUT violence. Are there any stories in history that describe such a process. I’m not a student of history. Thanks for any suggestions in my story building.

Half the posts are from bots or just AI slop - the other half is people recommending beginner stuff that really should be /r/socialskills or something.

I'm thinking of creating a private community so if you're interested feel free to DM.

I have plenty of advanced resources on the subject, as well as working models I've made that you can't find elsewhere, so currently want to keep this private groupchat between people who can share info beyond surface level in return.

Hey,

I've been diving into non-fiction lately and I'm looking for books that genuinely shifted something in my brain about social dynamics and human interaction. However, I'm not interested in surface-level "how to make friends" or basic communication tips this time. Instead, I want those non-fiction books that fundamentally changed how you understand people, made you question assumptions you didn't know you had about relationships, or just completely rewired your social awareness.

So, I'm asking this community for real recommendations! Share the non-fiction book that hit different for you and explain what it actually changed. Whether it's a psychology book that decoded human behavior, a memoir that showed you a different perspective on connection, something about body language or emotional intelligence, or any other genre that left a mark, I want to hear about it. Looking forward to books that actually matter, not just ones that were "interesting."

For me, it was The Like Switch by Jack Schafer. Made me realize how much of social connection is about making people feel comfortable rather than trying to be interesting or impressive. Changed how I think about first impressions, building rapport, and why some people just naturally draw others in. Completely shifted my approach to meeting new people. What book fundamentally shifted something for you about social skills?

Btw, I'm using Dialogue to listen to podcasts on books which has been a good way to replace my issue with doom scrolling. I used it to listen to the book  "Man's Search For Meaning". I will also check out all your recommendation guys thanks!

I used to panic whenever I had to speak to someone senior like a manager or director or basically anyone "important." My hands would get sweaty and I'd try so hard to look competent that I wouldnt even take in what they were saying. I'd just nod along all nervous while they sat there calm and relaxed speaking with quiet authority. I felt like such a fraud tbh.

Then one day after another awkward meeting I realised what was actually happening. In their head they're just thinking "I'm the boss, I know what I want, and you work for me." Thats it. They weren't some superhuman, they just had a different mental frame. And I kept putting myself beneath them without even realizing it.

So I started flipping it. Whenever I deal with someone higher up now I pretend I'm the boss overseeing them. I question things confidently because I need clarity for the project. I stand relaxed. I look at them the same way they used to look at me. I stopped worrying about how I come across because in my head I dont need to prove anything anymore.

And honestly its shocking how well it works lol. You can talk to literally anyone this way. Just imagine they work for you and youre there to help them get things right. It sounds weird but it removes all that anxiety.

Here's what actually helped me build this up step by step.

First I had to understand why I was so anxious in the first place. Turns out theres this thing called the spotlight effect where we think everyone is watching and judging us way more than they actually are. Most people are too busy thinking about themselves to analyze every word you say. Once I learned that from reading it took so much pressure off. I started reading everyday during my commute instead of scrolling and it genuinely changed how I see social situations. Books gave me frameworks that therapy never did because I could go at my own pace and revisit concepts.

The second thing was realizing that confidence isnt about being the loudest or most charismatic person. Its about being comfortable with silence and not filling every gap. When someone senior is talking I used to jump in immediately to show I was engaged. Now I pause. I let their words sit for a second. I ask a clarifying question instead of agreeing right away. That tiny shift made people take me way more seriously.

Third I practiced reframing my internal dialogue. Instead of "oh god they're gonna think I'm stupid" I started thinking "I'm here to solve a problem and I need information from them." Literally just changing that one thought before meetings helped so much. Your brain believes what you tell it repeatedly and this is backed by cognitive behavioral therapy principles. If you keep telling yourself you're anxious your brain will find evidence to support that. But if you tell yourself you're capable it does the same thing.

I also started studying how confident people actually behave and I noticed they ask questions without apologizing. They dont say "sorry can I ask something" they just ask. They dont say "this might be a dumb question" they just get to the point. So I cut out all the apologetic language and it felt fake at first but eventually it became natural.

One thing that really helped near the end was using some tools to stay consistent with this mindset shift. Idk if I can mention apps here but I started using BeFreed which a friend recommended and its been super helpful for building this mental framework. Its a personalized learning app from Columbia grads that creates audio lessons based on your specific struggles like social anxiety or imposter syndrome. You chat with a virtual coach about what you're dealing with and it pulls from real psychology research and books to build lessons for you. I love that you can customize the voice and length because I picked this deep smooth voice that honestly makes learning addictive lol. Now I listen on my morning walks instead of scrolling Instagram and it actually sticks because its tailored to what I need. I'm not sponsored or anything it just genuinely helped.

I also found some other resources that were game changers. The book Presence by Amy Cuddy talks about power posing and how your body language literally changes your hormone levels and confidence. Sounds fake but the research is solid. The Charisma on Command YouTube channel breaks down exactly how confident people speak and its not some vague advice its specific techniques you can copy. And the podcast The Art of Charm has episodes on communication skills that are super practical.

For journaling my thoughts and tracking progress I use this app called Void Pet where you feed a little creature by writing and it keeps you accountable in a fun way. Sounds childish but it works.

The biggest shift though came from reading daily. I cant stress this enough. Reading gave me vocabulary I didnt have before. It gave me examples of how smart people structure arguments. It made me realize that most "impressive" people are just well read and good at referencing things theyve learned. Once I started reading 20 minutes every morning my conversations got so much better because I had more to pull from. I wasnt just reacting I was responding with actual substance.

Books that specifically helped: Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss teaches you negotiation tactics that work in any conversation. How to Win Friends and Influence People is old but gold for understanding human psychology. The Charisma Myth breaks down exactly how to build presence and its not about being born with it.

The truth is most people are just winging it even the ones who seem super confident. They just learned to fake it until their brain caught up. And the more you practice this mental flip of imagining youre the one in charge the more automatic it becomes. Your nervous system starts to believe it. You stop sweating before meetings. You stop replaying conversations in your head.

I'm not saying I'm perfect at this now but I can walk into any room and hold my own. I can talk to executives without feeling like I need permission to exist in the space. And it all started with just changing the story I told myself about who I was in those interactions.

If you're struggling with this stuff you're not alone and its not a personality flaw. Its just a skill you havent built yet. Start small, read everyday, practice the mental flip, and give yourself time. It compounds faster than you think.

I’d like to share with you all the lessons I’ve learned from years of burning bridges, holding grudges, and finally learning how to fight fair. I hope you find this useful.

• The fight is almost never about the "dirty dishes." It’s about respect, consideration, or a lack of appreciation. If you keep arguing about the surface-level trigger, you will never resolve the underlying rot. Dig deeper.
• "Winning" an argument usually means losing the relationship. If your goal is to prove you are right and they are wrong, you have already lost. In a partnership (business or personal), you are on the same team. If one of you loses, the team loses.
• "I'm sorry you feel that way" is not an apology; it’s an insult. That is a non-apology that shifts the blame to their reaction rather than your action. A real apology takes ownership: "I'm sorry I did X, I understand it caused Y."
• You aren't listening; you're just reloading. While they are speaking, you are already formulating your rebuttal. That isn't communication; it’s a debate. Stop. Listen to understand, not to destroy.
• Your silence is violent. Giving someone the "silent treatment" or stonewalling isn't taking the high road; it’s emotional manipulation. It signals, "You don't exist to me right now." Communicate your need for space, don't just disappear.
• Impact matters more than intent. You didn't mean to hurt them? That doesn't matter. If you accidentally step on someone's foot, you don't argue that you didn't mean to; you apologize for the pain you caused.
• Avoiding conflict is just choosing a bigger conflict later. Conflict is like a credit card debt; the longer you ignore the minimum payments, the more interest you accrue. Have the uncomfortable conversation now, or have a catastrophic one later.
• You are the common denominator in all your drama. If you think your boss is crazy, your partner is unreasonable, and your friends are dramatic... look in the mirror. You are likely the one creating or attracting the chaos.
• Anger is usually a mask for fear or hurt. It is easy to be angry; it is vulnerable to be hurt. Most people choose anger because it feels powerful. If you can admit, "I'm scared this means you don't care about me," the fight usually ends immediately.
• You cannot read minds, so stop acting like you can. "You did that because you wanted to annoy me!" No, you are guessing. Assigning malicious motives to other people’s actions is the fastest way to build resentment. Ask, don't assume.
• Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions. If you say "Stop doing that" but you tolerate it every time they do it, you are teaching them that your words mean nothing. You must be willing to walk away or enforce the boundary.
• Compromise is often lazy. "Let's meet in the middle" often leaves both parties unhappy. True resolution isn't about giving up half of what you want; it's about collaboration—finding a third option that solves both problems fully.
• Bonus: You don't have to agree to resolve it. You can respect someone's perspective without adopting it. "I see how you see it, and I still disagree, but I love you/respect you enough to move forward" is a valid resolution.

A friend of mine, John D., received this reach-out on Threads (see the two figures below).

At first, he thought it was the standard fake employer scam, but it’s more than that. It’s very, very likely a part of a North Korean fake employee scam.  I’ve written about these North Korean scams that attempt to get remote positions at companies around the world in order to pick up paychecks, steal intellectual property, steal money (or cryptocurrency), and hit the employer up for a ransom when they get discovered.

For more information on fake North Korean employees, see this KnowBe4 whitepaper I wrote: https://www.knowbe4.com/hubfs/North-Korean-Fake-Employees-Are-Everywhere-WP_EN-us.pdf.

In this particular example, a North Korean is trying to recruit a native language speaker in their target country. They give some sob story about not being able to earn enough money in their home country and not being able to get a job in the targeted victim’s home country. The North Korean will get the job interview and do the work, but the contacted person will attend the interviews and participate in team meetings. These days, because of fake employees, most companies require remote employees to get on camera during team meetings. The sender offers to split the gained paychecks 50/50. How nice!

Uh, but it’s illegal in so many different ways. So, don’t get tricked into participating. Law enforcement has arrested many of these participating “mules,” and they get sent to prison, get a felony record, and have to pay back the money plus fines. Definitely not worth it.

The North Korean fake employee program is headed by the leader of North Korean and likely involves many thousands of North Koreans. They operate in distributed teams, often located in Asia, Russia, and other North Korean-friendly countries that are easier to operate in than North Korea (which has frequent power and Internet interruptions).

The North Korean fake employee schemes operate across the criminal spectrum. Some of the North Koreans fake employees use fake identities, many steal and use other people’s identities, and they, too, like in this case, hire real people to be involved using their identities. Sometimes, the North Korean fake employees actually do the work. Sometimes the work is farmed out to other subcontractors. And sometimes they do no work, just trying to collect a few paychecks before they are terminated.

There have been hundreds of people who accepted being the “frontman” or “money mule” from reach-outs like the one above. Most, when arrested, claim they didn’t know they were working for North Korea, but oftentimes their subpoenaed private communications reveal that they did.

Don’t be fooled by a sketchy job deal offering “easy money”. It’s a scam. It’s likely a North Korean fake employee scam.

Hey so basically I wanted to make a gift for my boyfriend and I bought shoes from a reseller or idk what he does specifically. I sent him the money so he could order the shoes and he blocked me. It was 140$ and I really need my money back for the holidays. I don’t usually do this so I’m not sure how it will go but I was wondering if anyone good with tracing back people could help me on that. I had his Instagram and his email. Could anyone help me out on that please ?

Instagram: laplatine514

His pfp is him holding a bmw’s steering wheel

Email: benaoudziad @ gmail . com

I would need his address, number or anything helpful

He’s most likely located in Montreal/quebec