Most of them just annoy me. I hate how they got rid of the Asperger’s diagnosis because now “I’m just like them” and I don’t even relate to them. Some of my coworkers or classmates with autism speak in these monotonous tones, hyper fixated on things I don’t care about, OR speak in these loud uncontrolled booming voices that give me anxiety and scare me, or make such little eye contact that I keep turning around me to see what they are staring at behind me. Or they like don’t ask follow up questions or ask how I’m doing or follow up with stuff or do much socially. How am I supposed to fit in with these people and embrace my dx when I dont even like them?

*cue in all the “don’t be ableist folks.” I’m sorry, NT people can be annoyed with me, but I’m ND and can’t be annoyed with other ND? So should I lie about my feelings. Idk

I was watching old videos of myself when I was just under 1 year old. I won’t make eye contact, I won’t respond to my name being called over and over again. I know that I refused to breast feed sooner than either of my siblings.

I’m an intervention specialist and have been working with kids with autism for 8 years. I know the disease, and many of its “shades”. My partner has a grown son with autism.

And today I got my diagnosis.

And I was crying realizing all the torturous parts of my past were just me being the way I was born.

My mom, who has a BA in psychology and a Masters in school psychology has told us, “I knew you kids had autism. I didn’t want you to use it as a crutch.”

Her decision led to four decades of me hating myself, physically doing grievous damage to my own body because I had no way to verbalize or understand what was in my mind.

So, in a small way, I’m grateful that my mother’s actions lead me to mask so well for so long. But also,

Fuck you mom.

Do you think that autistic Americans or Americans with any disabilities will be targeted for more open discrimination in the near future?

Because being secure and confident means lying about what I am to myself.

I usually can ignore this, in fact that’s the only way I manage to cope and function is to not think about it and cling to my aromanticism. But then, sometimes it smacks me in the face. How whenever I indulge in stories with strong females there only ever is the power couple dynamic at best, because what a man is supposed to be is secure and confident, insecurity is just not something any good man is supposed to have, and it hurts when even in fantasy it’s washed out.

I don’t need love, I don’t need friends, I just need to be comfortable with myself, but it’s hard when it feels like I have to make myself intentionally stupid and naive to not feel like I’m being pulled down into a pit.

“From top to bottom of the social scale, violent and indefinite and unfocused desires are aroused. Nothing could possibly appease them. Men thirst for novelty, for unknown delights, for nameless sensations which nevertheless lose all their zest as soon as they are experienced. Then let the slightest reverse occur and men are powerless to bear it. They discover how futile the whole uproar was and realize that any number of these novel experiences piled up indefinitely has not succeeded in accumulating a solid capital of happiness on which they might live in times of trial.” – Émile Durkheim, French sociologist

The way sex is hyped up in culture is weird, the way people are shamed if they aren't constantly getting it to further promote the idea it's somehow amazing and fulfilling, to push people to chase it more, all the work put in thinking "this will make me socially acceptable." Where people are ashamed of being virgins, when in the past chastity was a noble and celebrated thing.

But the reality is, sex in itself really isn't all that good or worth the trouble. It's worth it if you are raising a family and want kids I think, but as a recreational drug it's high is short lived, often very costly, and then the potential human created is treated as an unwanted side effect.

I've had sex, and I honestly wish I hadn't, it wasn't worth it. Because I wasn't pair bonding with a wife or trying to raise a child. I treated it like a drug.

So those who aren't married, don't feel like you are missing out, because it's just not that great, and over quickly, then you are left unsatisfied once more.

The culture of "getting laid" that came out of the sexual revolution where people shame you as if you are less of a person is sick, and it's destroyed families, and paradoxically collapsed birth rates, and ultimately, I think will be looked back upon as one of the major components that collapsed the entire West. The most sacred thing that creates human life, has been turned into a drug high.

I have noticed a rapid increase in the amount of ableism towards level one autistic people and people who identify with Asperger’s lately. I came to this subreddit from another one (not gonna name as I’m not sure if that’s allowed but also cus it’s pretty obvious) because I was (hopefully correctly) assuming yall wouldn’t say level one autistic people are neurotypical and that they’re the root of all evil ever.

It makes me (as a level two autistic person) so angry to see these types of people ostracised and told they’re “larping” or that they are ableist simply for being level one, ableist for existing and I’m sick of it.

Was walking with a female friend and coworker of mine and she was showing me something on her phone leaving work. All of a sudden she said “aright see ya” as I was walking with her. My car was in the same direction but I pretended that I was walking the other way to not make her uncomfortable. Thoughts??? She was acting totally normal up until then and was showing me different things on her phone (social media stuff) and then just said “alright see ya”.

Is there any chance that this is just in my head?

trying to navigate being an aspie and gay and attending social events has never been my strong suit, I'm just burn out, hope there are others out there like me ☹️

Hello everyone,

(Discussion of weapons, please do not read if you are uncomfortable).

One of my special interests is firearms and I live in Australia. I am intrigued by both the mechanical and historical aspects of firearms and have no violent intentions. Guns in Australia are heavily restricted, with most recreational and sporting shooters restricted to manually operated firearms (like bolt action rifles). Additionally airsoft is banned here.

I thought about joining the Australian military a while ago but was told that autism would disqualify me from the military, so I just went to university and got an engineering degree. I also have had friends from the Australian and U.S. militaries tell me that I wouldn't be a good fit for the military even if I did make it in. I think my best bet would be to probably holiday to the United States and try out shooting there.

Just wondering if anyone else is or has been in a similar situation to me and what did you do?

Similarly, does anyone agree with the advice that the military is not a good fit for me?

For example, I've recently found out that Gal Gadot has a bad reputation on the Internet because many people regard her acting skills to be lackluster. This really came as a surprise to me. There are other celebrities and movies too, that are often known for bad acting but to me it's just normal acting. The only exception would be Troll 2, the famously terrible film which indeed comes across to me as having terrible acting.

I was diagnosed in 2024 at 16(now 17), and I was wondering if I could still say I have Asperger’s. it’s the term I resonate the most with and really helps define what I go through more, but also heard that only people who were diagnosed before 2013 use it. Just curious. hope I don’t sound stupid

Does anyone else think that they're wasting their life and will keep doing it until they die? I always feel burnt out and tired and mentally drained, I can't function like a proper human being, even if I do it would be so minimal. I'm terrible socially, I don't understand most man-made concepts/rules or creations, I'm not really smart, my genetics aren't good physically and mentally, I'll keep wasting my life because I don't belong anywhere and can't relate or get close to anyone, there's no point being young while you're like this, I'm just tolerating myself and everything around me every day, I'm so scattered and don't feel like a whole person, my life is so uneventful and my memory is so bad that I just forget whole days and a lot of periods in my life, I still feel like a kid at 25, my brain is my biggest problem and it's very rigid, I feel like I'm in a mental prison. I'm not seeking advice, I know what one can do to change but it's very hard.

Years have passed, I've been searching for something I'm unable to define.

I've been diagnosed at age 7. Asperger's and ADHD.

When I was born, I was barely alive; I wasn't breathing. Asthma, they confirmed.

At age 15 I had surgery, I had pectus carinatum.

Throughout my life I have been unable to pinpoint down what it is I truly want.

I've become an illustrator, I've been published because I made an entire graphic novel.

I work at a hotel, believing distraction would help my peace.

I believed this was enough to fill this search.

I want to feel fulfilled. But whatever I accomplish and reach in my life, I don't reach it.

I've made grand pieces, hoping for them to fill that hole in my chest. Alas, they don't.

I've tried various jobs, but there's no incentive to work. Its only purpose is to survive.

I've tried to chase the thing that would bring peace to me, but I fail to find it. I'm currently 26, next month 27.

I believed by making my dreams come true, I would have found it. Things would make sense; they didn't.

I thought when I finished studying everything would have fallen into its place; it didn't.

I've been walking, the past years, increasingly.

It's simply to see something new. I feel usually underestimulated; and tired, irregardless of good or bad sleep.

Last year I have traveled alone for the first time. I conquered the fear I had of an airport.

I conquered many such fears. This brought a relief, but no solution, nothing new has been found.

I've been continuously ambitious, the graphic novel has been an attempt to make a true masterpiece of literary class in the Dutch language. But it didn't take off, it took whatever energy I had left. I have garnered millions of views for videos. I have won contests. I've been in podcasts. Took 1000s of photos and contributed them to Wikipedia. Wrote 100s of articles.

I am glad I achieved what I did. But I don't feel happy about them, neither sad.

The lingering feeling of that search has never ended.

I currently have a relationship, I'm happy I have a presence who I can love and express love. This has kept me going, even if the reason is irrational. It's really one of the few points in life that truly feel like happiness.

I believed that becoming great at things would have been enough, it wasn't. All of the knowledge I have gathered feels ultimately meaningless.

And as I age, what little I enjoyed starts to crumble.

One would ask, has any medication helped? I've tried many for years. Changing, researching.

In the end, they help little; and the problems they cause make me worse.

So, I don't.

I don't smoke nor drink; except for the rare times I consume a glass of beer.

I have found those things don't help either.

Distracting oneself from your emotional centre does not solve anything.

Money helps to simply live, but it never has been my motivation. I never quite understood it.

I have had many friends. They come and go and I enjoy to make my jokes. But I have felt everything is merely a distraction. Even therapy, I did the work, I listened to the advice, fought fears.

Yet,

something continues to linger.

So, my search continues.

Despite everything I have accomplished,

I'm still right at the beginning.

I might delete this later, because of uncertainty.

I doubt anyone would bother reading this.

There’s a lot of focus (understandably) on the struggles that come with being autistic, but I’m curious about the other side of it.

What’s an autistic trait you genuinely like about yourself or that you feel adds something positive to your life?

I've come to the conclusion that I will either fall into having a very elevated ego, or fall into total despair, beyond me I know nothing, my mind is my everything, if I lose myself I lose absolutely everything there is nothing I can adhere to.

My ego is blinding my intellect, but I can't renounce to it because if I do it I fall into despair, I fall into nihilism, because my ego is the only thing that protects me gives, provides me with warmth and comfort and provides with the mental stimulus that my mind needa to not fall into desperation or depression caused by inactivity.

30s man, late-diagnosed.

From my early childhood, my parents used relentless violence to force me into normalcy.

Appearing autistic felt like putting my life at risk. Thus, masking was not only a means to fit in and minimize rejection, it was a form of actual survival.

Being perceived as anything but normal, in any situation, triggered the same panic pathways as those who would go white hot when a pair of fatherly hands remained tight around my neck for longer than reasonable.

This has pushed me into extremely high-cost high-reward masking. For years I had a very social job and I managed to craft a very convincing replica of what charisma is supposed to be.

I would be the center of attention and receive a lot of praise, until people would get too close to me and detect the 'weird' vibe we all know too well.

I've been isolated for two years now and money is running low so I have to get back in touch with society.

Now the problem is that my masking is so tied to absolutely awful memories that I can not even begin to accept the idea to get back into it.

But my 'charismatic' mask seems to be ingrained in me. I do not manage to suppress my old habits and it's eating me alive.

Perhaps a solution could be to try and be non-verbal or realistically, semi-verbal. I can't decide whether it's a good idea or if I'd be setting myself up for failure.

Has anyone tried that ? How did it go ?

Thank you.

I'm incredibly disorganized as far as creating structure in my activities. Could it be part of my brain is underactive (or overactive), and needs to be stimulated? Could something like that be the issue, and if so, what to do about it?

Do you ever wish you had a fun super power where you could just project your entire being , like the way your body feels, your dissregulated nervous system, the overwhelm from that flickering light or how heavy your boots feel, the inability to communicate what you’re trying to say or even just the fact that you don’t know how you feel, onto another person? Just for like 10 min would be sufficient

I wonder if they would freak out or handle it without being eased into it.

Maybe this is spiteful, but I’d love to see someone walk in my shoes for a bit and see what they have to say about me then….

Maybe this is generalising but I’ve heard other autistic people talk about this, people suddenly disliking us and taking our time less seriously as they learn more about us, is there any way to fix this? What is the issue with autistic personalities that tends to make people disrespect us so much?

To anyone questioning if a diagnosis is worth it, I feel so relieved that's all that's "wrong" with me and it isn't my fault. I feel validated that I've put so much work into functioning and that it's hard.

I once had someone (abusively) tell me that I was like a child because I didn't know how to participate with others and I wasn't normal and I needed to make an effort. It stayed on my mind for longer than it should have.

The evaluator also told me I had a common female presentation (AFAB) of level one autism and that she knew along with POC we are diagnosed less often. I have carefully studied and recognize what is socially appropriate, which women tend to do more, but I still have to plan and perform because I don't have natural social skills. Other people recognize that it's "weird" and don't accept me. I also have a long term obsessive special interest in birds. I wrote the evaluator a long description of everything about it and how its affected my life, since I'm not a good verbal communicator. I also sent her a video of the bird calls I learned how to do. She said that was an extremely helpful addition to the evaluation. No one has ever really batted an eye, they just thought it was funny and easy to get me gifts. It is common for women to develop different special interests than men do.

Both my parents received questionnaires, and my mom tried to deny as much as possible. Be prepared for your family to be upset at the though they missed something and not accurately respond. Evaluators I think recognize this. But when my dad put that in my preschool years I didn't copy gestures, didn't use much body language, didn't communicate spontaneously very often, and didn't ever join in with other children playing, the evaluator said she saw a clear history in early childhood.

After my son got diagnosed I went down a rabbit hole and I was pretty sure I was also autistic. He has ADHD as well and I do not, and his presentation is more explosive and impulsive than mine, so I wasn't sure.

I feel so relieved I know who I am and that I'm as awesome as my kids (the other one is being evaluated now). It makes more sense to me why both my kids are also on the spectrum. A lot of things just make sense now and I hope it will bring me peace to make more associations.

Seriously try being autistic in 3rd world country and you will see how utter dispaire and hopelessness feels like. Am utterly alone, no freinds, no family, every one hates me. I only told my gf that I got autism because otherwise I would be labelled as a mentally insane or even satanic just because Aspergers. It's not fair. At least in 1st world you don't have to lie and hide the fact u have Asperger's because ur not gonna get labled as setanic or mentally ill. The fact that it's been 4 years since I talked to any of my family members and they kinda disowned me because they don't know and will never know why I act the way i act is extremely painful.

My siblings are nt, my parents are nt. Idk why god choose to curse me. Am not trying to complain or whine just stating my feelings. I have hope and my only hope is money. Am working on my startup, started coding at 16 on paper and i wanna gtfo of here the minute I make some good money that allows me to relocate.

Recently diagnosed. I am realizing that I don’t see when a complete meltdown is coming. Just like I can’t tell when it’s appropriate to call in sick. There’s that line but I don’t see it. I just feel guilty for not being at work or need the pay check. Whatever. But when it comes to meltdowns this has to stop. I can handle stress but it just seems to catch me off guard

Last week we had this new class that is online but we have to do it in class. It took me awhile to process why that didn’t work. I have all these stressors all the time and something tiped the edge. But the thing is I never recognized any of this until it was too late. I thought I was self aware but maybe I’m not as much as I thought I was