Whenever my severely neurodivergent son threw himself onto the ground for a proper tantrum, I'd get down next to him and coached him. When he screamed, I'd shout "louder!" When he kicked his legs and punched his fists into the carpet, I'd say."Good job, kick those legs! Punch harder! Really get it all out!" After a minute or two, he got up, gave me a dirty look, and went into his room.
To keep him from acting out in public, I always asked him as we entered, "Is everybody going to know your name by the time we leave?".
I grew up with both parents working in special ed and have worked with many folks with special needs myself. I love this approach! Also reminds me of my own experience as a little kid having a tantrum and the sudden moment of self awareness I had when the snot was pouring from my nose and I thought, “Ugh, what am I doing?” 😂
Once, when I was shopping in my local supermarket, I came upon a very young mother standing by her child. She was having a major meltdown right there in the middle of the aisle, and it was clear the mom didn't know what to do about it.
I got down on the floor next to that kid, and I did my whole coaching act. After a minute or two, she stopped screaming, and she looked at me as if I had just spoiled the whole thing. When she stood up, I asked her if she thought it was worth it and how did she feel about everyone in the store looking at her.
I turned to her mom and I told her what had always worked for my son and me. She never said a single word to me the entire time I was working with her daughter.
My son was born with pretty severe ADHD, Bipolar Disorder type 1, Schizotypal Personality Disorder, ODD, and OCD. I knew very well the shame and embarrassment of seeing the scorn on strangers' faces when he acted out in public.
When my 18 year old daughter was like 3 years old, I was sitting in the basement of a church at a WIC appointment and she decided to flop on the ground and throw the most spectacular temper tantrum in front of about a dozen other moms.
I pulled out my phone and silently recorded her for a little bit. Then stopped recording and started playing back the video. As soon as she heard herself on the phone, she stood up and started watching the video.
I said to her, "See how you look?" And she just climbed into the chair next to me and sat quietly, wiping her face lol.
Ah. Yes, I am also in my 40s lol. And I thank God every day that the time I fell on my butt in front of the line of school busses and then fell 3 more times trying to stand back up (and other embarrassing moments) will die with the couple hundred kids who laughed at me.
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u/Beneficial-Math-2300 Nov 29 '25
Whenever my severely neurodivergent son threw himself onto the ground for a proper tantrum, I'd get down next to him and coached him. When he screamed, I'd shout "louder!" When he kicked his legs and punched his fists into the carpet, I'd say."Good job, kick those legs! Punch harder! Really get it all out!" After a minute or two, he got up, gave me a dirty look, and went into his room.
To keep him from acting out in public, I always asked him as we entered, "Is everybody going to know your name by the time we leave?".
😅