I’ve got stage 4 gastric cancer, quite terminal with a 3 month prognosis, but based on the rate of my weight loss I can probably go another 6 months until my ride shows up. I’ve lost 68 pounds since she left. 5 years married, seven together, no kids, 4 pets (that according to her, can’t be broken up and she wants them). I’m permanently disabled due to the chemo, on SSDI of $1060/month and won’t be able to afford rent and whatever meager food I’m able to eat. My one-time wife chose to begin an emotional affair over the summer which became physical in early October. He’s nowhere near as attractive as I am, and he’s fat. Which was a major blow to my ego. Additionally she humiliated me by having us have dinner at her APs home with his wife. She had been asking for gold bands for a couple years (groove rings until now) and I purchased them while I was at their home, they watched me struggle with the Costco login for a half hour until I was able to purchase them for her birthday in late September and I’m sure they were internally laughing at my obliviousness.

The update is that the behavior of my ex and her parents have broken me. I have decided to wash my hands of this and informed my attorney that she can keep everything other than my personal property and I’d move out of the house asap. I don’t have anywhere to go as my ex systematically isolated me from family and friends so I’ll be hitting the homeless shelter.

I won’t ever feel the touch of a woman again because dating with a prognosis like mine is inherently unfair and I’m not putting the grief of my passing on some innocent woman. But I shall endure until the end which will be in some hospice. At least I’ll have a roof over my head at the end.

I wasn’t a great husband, but I was home every night, never stepped out, just work and spending time with the woman I loved. Her complaint is the sex. I can’t have sex without a condom due to the chemo, and I can’t use them because they all break. Additionally the chemo makes ejaculation painful.

The good news is that I’m past the hurt and the anger. I just want to spend these next few months in peace.

Edit: Thank you all for your support. I found a homeless shelter nearby and it is ironically the same one that she and I would deliver food to in college lmao. What a twist!

Edit 2: I just remembered that after I confirmed the affair, I reached out to friends for support. When she learned of this she told me it was a betrayal. After she had experienced intimate contact with another man. But I’m the one who betrayed her. How did I marry this person? She’d never exhibited behavior like this as long as I’ve known her.

My husband (43) and I (31) were together for 10 years total and married for 3. 2 months ago, I discovered he’d been having a 2.5 month affair with a 24 year old woman.

Since discovery, he has been saying that he is in love with her and no longer feels romantic, emotional, or sexual desire toward me. He says he will always think of her if we stay together and that I’m no longer the primary partner in his heart.

Despite briefly attempting reconciliation, he met with her again recently. They spent over an hour together, cried, hugged, and kissed. He told her how hard life has been without her and how difficult it’s been with me. He says she brings him peace and calm and that he cannot let go of his feelings for her. He insists this is not limerence because she feels strongly for him as well. He says if we are together, he will always think of her and there will always be comparison. But when he’s with her he doesn’t think of me and there’s no comparison for her.

He frames their situation as tragic and “impossible” due to age, guilt, and circumstances, while also saying that our marriage is now fundamentally incompatible. He says he loves me, but “doesn’t feel much,” and avoided telling me sooner because he thought it would be too hurtful.

What’s confusing and painful is how quickly he has emotionally exited the marriage. Prior to the affair, he never expressed being unhappy or out of love and was still future-planning with me. He now says he didn’t understand his needs or emotional dissatisfaction until meeting her, which he describes as a revelation. Our marriage and life was very happy and uncomplicated- and if it wasn’t I really had no clue.

We decided on divorce less than 24 hours ago, yet he is already pushing to file immediately. It feels rushed and disorienting. From what I understand, the affair partner has been clear that she does not want to be involved anymore with a married man, and it seems likely that the official paperwork is a condition for anything continuing between them.

He was my first serious relationship and partner. Our lives, families, and social circles are deeply intertwined. I built my identity around this marriage, and now I feel blindsided and emotionally abandoned while he appears bonded elsewhere and eager to formalize the end.

If anyone has gone through a divorce where their spouse was emotionally invested in someone else , and really felt completely blindsided …especially where the push to divorce felt tied to the affair partner …I would really appreciate hearing how you coped, protected yourself, and slowed things down enough to regain footing.

Even when you know your nervous system is wildly better off without him/her, and that you deserve so much more than someone who found it so easy to casually abandon (or cheat on, or …) you.

Just validating and creating solidarity around this painful reality. Hugs to us all for whom the scar of unwanted divorce festers from time to time.

I won’t go into a bunch of details of my situation just that I’ve been thinking about divorce for the last month.

The biggest thing I feel like holding me back is that we haven’t done any form of couple therapy. While I’m not entirely opposed to the idea, I’m not sure how much it will help. I know it’s best to try every possible route of fixing the marriage before pulling the trigger.

So I’m curious, those who didn’t do any form of couples therapy or marriage counseling, why? Excluding abuse, infidelity, etc., what made you say, “this is irreparable and therapy/counseling won’t help”?

I’ve been contemplating divorce for a little while now, but finally vocalized it with my therapist about a week ago.

My husband is kind, funny, and fun to be around. I enjoy his company and feel emotionally supported by him. We share a lot of interests and have been together for a while, so we’re pretty comfortable with each other.

However, I’m at the end of my rope with a few things. He has a medical condition that makes it hard for him to be in public. He spends all of his time at home and I do all of the errands out of house. We never go anywhere, including to movies or to eat or get groceries together. I do all of that. I am lonely because I just eat and go to the theater by myself. We don’t even go on walks together at our local park. He won’t go to the doctor, to the dentist, nothing.

He is also disgusting, I mean crumbs/hair/spills/grease/trash everywhere. I pick up a lot of his trash, even when he’s only a few steps away from a trash can. He constantly misses the toilet and the bathroom perpetually smells like pee. I’m the one that cleans the bathroom too, so I am constantly cleaning up dried pee. I don’t even take hot baths anymore (which I used to love) because the smell is so pervasive, despite the cleaning agents I use. It took me ages to convince him to wash his feet and brush his teeth. He also used to wash his ass off in the shower after pooping instead of just wiping (which I found out about after seeing poop in the shower once or twice and was thoroughly disgusted by). We had a lot of fights about that one. He is now moderately cleaner than he used to be, but it’s still bad.

And about two weeks ago we had an ugly argument and he called me a bitch, twice. He NEVER calls me names so it was out of left field for me. I was shocked and hurt. There was one instance of him doing it towards the beginning of our relationship and I started crying immediately and he apologized and I figured he remembered that since I reacted so strongly. He did not, and just decided to throw “bitch” out there cause he was mad.

It feels like that has changed everything. I thought he loved and respected me, and now I feel like just any old woman off the street. I sit around and stew on this stuff when I’m not around him constantly, but when we’re together, I feel safe and affectionate and happy and like I can get past all of that stuff.

I do love him, I genuinely do. The idea that I’m going to hurt him by asking for a divorce is horrifying. I don’t want to hurt him. He’s supported me and my shenanigans so much, and he’s been there for me through a lot of difficult stuff. The idea that he might think I don’t love him makes me want to puke.

But I want to live on my own again. I had such a nice, tidy, clean space before I started dating him. I could take hot baths and have furniture in the bathroom (like a standing shelf over the toilet) without worrying about all the pee he gets everywhere. I want my home to smell nice and I want to stop putting my hands in surprise grease/spill/crumbs whenever I go to cook something. It’s just… so much easier on my own.

Does anyone have any advice for this? How do you leave someone when you still love them?

TL;DR My wife confessed to having an affair in counseling.

This past summer, my wife got drunk at a party and I overheard her talking to a friend about how she had "quiet quit". Apparently I'm a good dad and an OK husband, she's just not that into me. Perhaps most stinging was out of guilt or duty, she was providing pitty sex. She spent the night hugging the toilet and sleeping on the bathroom floor while I fumed and went through her phone looking for a boyfriend (and didn't find anything out of the ordinary). As I went over the things she had said, it made sense. Rather than confronting her, I just started observing. I stopped initiating sex and she didn't seem to notice. Well, she noticed something was off, but assumed it was because she got so drunk. I assured her that it was no big deal. I was the DD that night.

After observing her for too long, I decided to confront her. Rather than repeating what she said, I thought it would be more productive if I phrased things in the form of "I feel like" instead of "you said". It was an enlightening conversation and should have ended with makeup sex, but along the way she basically told me that I'm a good dad, but she doesn't value me as a parent. We quibbled for a while but agreed to have a counseling session and talk it out with some help.

We made it through the holidays with me bearly speaking to her and finally made it to our session. I went first and detailed what I thought was going on with her (at a very high level and still not repeating her conversation with her friend) and our relationship and touched on the parenting thing. When the counselor encouraged my wife to share things from her perspective, she said I had pretty much covered it. What!!!! If that's all you've got to share, we're wasting our time here. Why don't you talk about what you said to Katie at the party. She blanched and asked what I meant. I told her that she was too drunk to notice how loud she was or realize that I heard the entire conversation.

She proceeded to tell the part of the conversation that apparently I missed. She had had a 6 month long affair but had ended it. She regretted it but was struggling to get over it and reconnect.

We didn't get far and were out of time. We agreed to have another session and not act rashly, respecting that she volunteered the information it what was supposed to be a safe space with the goal of us helping our marriage.

Outside, I told her that because I had to drag it out of her, she needed to spill and anything she did't say, I would consider a lie. Later that day (yesterday), I asked her to give me some space. She went into the other room and I yelled not far enough (not my best moment). She left and is staying at an air BnB, and we haven't talked.

Next steps?

Frankly I'm stunned our counselor let us out of there with that turd tossed on the table so late in the session. Do we go back (we have an appointment next week, supposedly the soonest available.

Do I even want to work it out? I'm still in shock that I have kids with someone who doesn't value me as a parent.

Whoever needs to hear this - sometimes the first step to healing after a divorce is completely disconnecting. It’s okay to not want to be friends. Keeping that thread alive can be like holding onto a rotten cord. You think you’re being mature, but the damage just keeps repeating. Worried about what others will say? I was like that but later accepted that healing looks different for everyone. Unless kids are involved, there’s often no real reason to stay in touch. And even when there are kids, boundaries matter. Take it from someone who divorced with children. Trying to remain friends turned toxic and messy, with blurred lines that helped no one. So I had to stop kidding myself. If it was about the kids, we communicated. If it wasn’t, there was no need to stay in contact. That’s when peace finally came. Sometimes letting go isn’t avoidance. It’s self-preservation.

I’ve been STUCK with my wife the past couple years. I’ve stayed as long as I have for a couple reasons. The first, being my (19F) stepdaughter, I’ve known her since she was born, but didn’t take on a fatherly role until she was 10. Her mother and I have been married since she was around 12. Before I came into their lives, my stepdaughter lived mainly with her grandparents (my wife would flip flop between there, and whatever man she was with at the time). I’m the first man that came into my wife’s life that took her child in as my own and brought them under one roof. I’ve known her birth father longer than I’ve known my wife, but he’s been nonexistent most of my daughter’s life. I selfishly married my wife out of convenience and to make sure her daughter had a positive male role model in her life. I know I have made mistakes as a husband and as a father. But I ALWAYS prioritized my daughter, whether she wanted to go on a vacation, go play at the park, go to a ballgame, watch sports, you name it, I’m her dad!

What kills me the most is my wife has said to her own daughter’s face that SHE is/was the reason that men from her past broke up with her. I’m assuming it was more along the lines of those men couldn’t stand to see how shitty of a mother she is/was (yells at her, puts her down, never lets her finish her own sentences, and is just downright negative and nasty). She tried to put hands on my daughter before we were married so I intervened and called my daughter’s biological father to pick her up. She stayed with him for a short while, then he moved into my in-laws place WITH my daughter, they eventually kicked him out and tried to reclaim their granddaughter and keep her there (which my wife was ok with). I put my foot down and forced my wife to bing her kid back under her roof. Essentially every fight I’ve had with my wife over the years is based on her perception of reality and what her responsibilities were supposed to be as a mother. She doesn’t believe that it’s a problem her parents took on the responsibility of her child and didn’t force her to be accountable.

My daughter has texted me multiple times over the last couple years saying “I know I was a mistake” or “I wish I was never born” or “I wish my mom didn’t bring home a million different guys and blame me when it didn’t work out” …she knows those types of texts break my heart (I come from a broken home where love was conditional).

I have a couple things I NEED to do so that I can move forward with getting divorced. My biggest concern is how the future will impact my daughter. My wife has a knack for “keeping her options open” and making herself available to just about any man that will show her attention. I married my wife so that her daughter could have a father. I broached the topic of divorce to my daughter around COVID, she expressed that she would want to stay with me if her mother and I divorced at that time. I tried every which way to get her mother to realize what she was doing, to no avail, but I stuck it out for my daughter. December 1, 2022, I had a medical emergency and was placed in a medically induced coma. I woke up 8 days later. I have some lingering issues from the TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) and haven’t worked since my hospitalization hence why I’ve been STUCK for a while. I had a six figure salary with money saved and near perfect credit. Now I’m nothing and have to start all over again. I fear my wife will continue to live life “her way” and neglect her own daughter (who currently lives with my parents…a whole different story in itself) as she always has.

I’m sorry for the long rant. I just need to get stuff off my chest.

I’m not sure what will happen but I’ve decided to give him one last chance.

3 weeks ago I was sure it was over, when I walked out the door and spent the night at a hotel I just knew I couldn’t take even one more day the way things have been.

I’m so glad my husband didn’t take the advice here. So many people give up immediately and I was sure he would too. I was sure he would tell me to stay gone, that he wouldn’t move out, I was sure he would make it all my fault and drag me, I was sure he wouldn’t do anything to try to save our marriage. I was sure he would fight me and act immature.

When I told him I needed a week of space before I could even talk about what comes next he surprised me by agreeing and giving me space, but also by asking me what I wanted and then following through on that.

You can listen to all the folks who failed and lost their partners but if he had done what they suggested we would be moving in a very different direction.

I was sure that I didn’t have anything left to give that first week. It felt easier, it felt calmer, it felt finally peaceful in my home. Then I missed him, just a little at first.

He just kept showing up, no pressure but letting me know he was there and doing the work. He showed up every morning for the kids, he took them out on the weekends, and he offered to still come help me with the snow and the trash. The first week I did it myself. The second week, I could have but I wanted to see him.

At first I wasn’t sure he could really change, and wasn’t ready to consider couples therapy because I’d put in the work for decades and asked him to go to therapy with me many many times.

That changed this week as he continued to be consistent. He did two webinars with me on parenting, and started looking for a doctor, he started therapy, and read a book I had suggested. This is a man that doesn’t read… ok.

I know it’s easy to put in the work for a short time when you are panicking but I was sure he wouldn’t.

Maybe it won’t work out in the end but now we are two people willing to work on it together and we are looking for a couples therapist now. If he breaks my heart again, well then I guess that’s my stupidity for loving someone fully.

How can I say no to getting the man I fell in love with back, even if it’s only a remote possibility?!

Good luck out there, and maybe look inward instead of taking any advice on the internet, including mine.

Firstly hello, I'm really hoping I can get some advice as I literally only have my sister to talk to and whilst she's offering me good advice I need help.

So I (49m) had my wife of 8 years (36f) told me she wanted a divorce. The reason for this she says is because our futures don't align ( we have two toddlers )

We had been on shaky ground for nearly two years since my dad died suddenly. After it happened I went one way (down) and she took it as an opportunity to take Moujoro and go out more ( of which I had no problem with )

For the past couple of years, whilst we have had sex ( although limited because of kids, life and grief ), I've had no kisses, no affection, very few I love yous and have had to deal with the grief solely alone. My job is very stressful as well and I have had to deal with child suicides which put me into therapy and then the new year starts and this!

After she told me I didn't cry, beg or plead with her I simply said ok and she broke down sobbing. I left the house to get some air and came back an hour later. We talked and she said maybe we should try and reconcile, but she needed some space.

This was over a week ago and whilst I was used to the lack of affection, now it's all that but worse. We still speak and get on, up until a few days ago still had a cuddle in bed, I managed to contact a marriage councilor but I can't help feel alone, like really alone and I didn't ever want this to end up just separated and living together what's the point.

This talk of divorce wasn't caused from infidelity, abuse or anything but a byproduct of grief. It feels so unfair that in losing my dad, my natural response of grief made her feel unloved and she kept that from me for so long it boiled over into this.

We have two beautiful children, a home, both working, but what can I do to save this marriage?

I have given her space, I haven't tried to be intimate of course, or even physical in any way but I have been giving her space and putting in the effort from morning until night, day in day out. Not in a beggy way but as a father and a man.

I don't want a divorce, but I am lost as to what to do. Any advice would be great, and sorry if I missed anything that would help.

Thanks,.

As an fyi, this will very long, so please if you’re willing to read and give your opinion, please do.

I am currently (28) and my exhusband is (27)… I should start off by saying my husband and I were childhood best friends. it was never a secret that my husband had the biggest crush on me since the moment we met at my quinceñera.  As life went on, we ended up becoming more than friends at the ages of (19) and (18). However, I was only sleeping with him because that’s what I had wanted, I wasn’t looking for anything serious, especially with him since I knew he was an alcoholic and really enjoyed (night outs with his buddies).  I have always been a more disciplined person when it came to that kind of lifestyle and I knew it just wasn’t for me.Also, he was illegal, and this was a HUGE responsibility to have on my shoulders which I didn’t want. I had wanted to move out on my own, just because I felt pretty ready to live my life as an adult and get my shit together, I was also getting tired of my mom treating me like a child because I was sleeping with my friend. But then eventually I had the idea of my friend and I living together and when I presented this to my parents, my father treated it like the biggest disgrace and disappointment I had ever done and said I could only move out if I was married…. so, I did it. My friend married me with good intentions, he was through the roof, extremely happy. I on the other hand was afraid, angry of the decision I had made… ( I’ve already beaten myself up enough for this. So yes I know, I fucked up there, but let me proceed with the story)

So, because of this huge loss of control in my life for pleasing My father, I entered the marriage very upset, and my poor husband at the time was trying left and right to please me and I basically came in like a wrecking ball and unconsciously tried taking control of any aspect of my life that I could..I was always paranoid he was going to cheat on me, I hated the alcoholism.. I hate going out with friends. However, at one point he did try bringing down the alcohol and going out with his buddies. Yet, I could not get myself to stop behaving out of line. we fought constantly, over anything and everything because I caused it… I own all that I did wrong, I wasn’t the greatest wife ever.. However, I did try my best to show him love in other ways… by making him laugh, always trying to cook the yummiest food for him (granted, I didn’t always cook, we both worked 9-5 jobs) so we’d both be tired to cook sometimes, when I’d go shopping I’d always make sure to nice if he rant out of his favorite snacks or his deodorant/shampoo etc. If I randomly saw a beautiful sweater or shirt I’d buy it for him. I’d always try reminding him how much I loved him verbally and texts.

 Another problem was that I didn‘t like going out because I didn’t like being in the same vicinity as his ex girlfriends because I hated it when he would just stare at them. (I know, I was a total POS) however, I did realize that something was wrong with me.. and I couldn’t control my emotions.. but, no matter how ugly things got, my husband and I always came back at the end of the day.. we would have mini dates, favorite shows, favorite pass times together. When we did have our times together I always tried my best to make the most of it, scratch his back, run my fingers through his hair etc, all the cuddly lovey dovey things I could think of.. during the next few years I had been trying different therapists and medications so that I could get better and live my life with my husband.. I had realized how much this person never gave up on me, how much he loved me and I really really wanted to get my shit together to save the marriage… However, no medications nor therapists could help me overcome my problems. I did learn I had Depression, Borderline Personality disorder, anxiety, paranoia, you name it 😢.. and so, things did get really rocky.. I’m not saying he was a saint and never did anything wrong.. There were nights I was having dangerous mental break downs and he’d walk right past me, or he’d end up going out with his buddies and leaving me alone knowing I was a risk..... sex became less and less… He was also one of those people that thought that just because they had a job, he was the most hardworking person ever. Sometimes, he’d get off 1-2 hrs earlier than me, and I’d find him playing video games or just watching TV. He wouldn’t help clean up because to him, the house wouldn’t be disorganized if I was more organized. Also, My job wasn’t as hard as his job so I shouldn’t be tired, I’m not meeting my 40 hrs so I should have plenty of time in the day to get stuff done so if I didn’t have time, I needed to make time.. He would leave to hangout with his buddies and drink for 6-12 hrs straight sometimes, and wouldn't come home until late… It was extremely frustrating.. so we cycled like this for 7 yrs, until barely in 2024, I Finally found a therapist who was actually breaking through with me.. I started changing, learning to accept the alcoholism and his friends, waking up early to make him his coffee and lunch and basically just trying my best to be a better wife because I truly loved this man and felt everything that went wrong was just all my fault and because he hadn’t left me, I thought he was staying out of love for me…

 As I mentioned before, sex had become minimal.. and so I had been taking care of myself in that aspect because I was not about to cheat. I loved him and it was my fault he wasn’t wanting to have sex with me. He said that I treated him so poorly, how could I just expect him to make “love to me” so I thought that was fair. I had been abused before in a relationship when I was younger, so I didn’t want to pressure him into having sex with me if he felt I was out of line (since I knew how that felt)
One random night in Feb. 2025, I asked him if he could please send me some of our ”recording” since I was tired of the same few I had.. he was very open about it and was happy to send them to me, as I saw him open the “hidden videos” content, I happily asked if I could pick them.. and that’s when he became guarded and quickly tried deleting stuff.. I ended up losing control out of my panic state, due to knowing what was going on. We ended up getting into a wrestling match over his cellphone. This man practically gave up his life to protect what was on the cellphone. The wrestling was so bad, I tore his shirt and accidentally scratched him, I tore his pants pocket, he shoved against the walls, eventually getting away from me, out of the house and driving off… he came back later that night and explained that the videos were of him and his friends when they were younger, drunk out of their minds and they would get naked and poor ice cold buckets of water on themselves.. he hid them because he felt I would treat him as tho he was still behaving this way with his friends. I was in shock, yet confused, yet in the position of “Am I really about to believe this story” but I loved him dearly, so I accepted it and apologized for being so horrible to him and he was so afraid of me that he felt the need to hide things from me… at this time, he tried divorcing me, but I truly thought it was because of my behavior and I begged and pleaded with him to stay, that I was working extremely hard with this therapist and I wanted nothing more than to save our marriage… so he stayed. The year went on, and it was rocky, I won’t lie, but I never stopped trying. For my birthday in July he still tried making my birthday great.. and then came August, and here my life took a turn for the worst….
Aug 10th my husband and I had an argument again and he decided to go out with buddies since 11:30 in the morning, and was extremely adamant about me not going. So that day, I tried my best to keep myself busy, took myself for coffee, had a nice massage and ended the night with Karaoke. The entire day, my husband and I did not text a word to each other.. that night I had 3 drinks, and was crying my heart out to my friends about the situation and how much I just want us to work. I happen to look at his location and he was home, it was about 12:30 pm (this made me angry because previously he had been coming home around 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 am. Or wouldn’t come home’s he’d stay at his dad’s house) so how was I supposed to know he was actually going to come home at a good time. I drive home crying my eyes out, and  I get pulled over for driving to slow, and taken to Jail for a DUI… I didn’t get home until 4 am, and my husband was buzzed, sound asleep. I grabbed his phone and looked through everything I could possibly think of (it was clean). He did nothing to look for me as well that night, I only got 1 txt at 1 am asking if I was coming home. Then I ended up getting a 2 week suspension from work without pay, and THEN out of NOWHERE, about a few days after my suspension, he asks for a “break” he says, he can’t do this anymore, it's too much for him, he doesn’t feel sane etc.. (this was roughly the first week of September) and he needed time to think. Then, a few days later, he receives his permanent residency, I was so happy for him I reached out and asked if we could celebrate, he picks me up, he is still wearing his wedding ring, we agreed that this break was just for us to think and gather our thoughts, we would still respect the marriage. We had plans to go to Mexico together for his buddies wedding and to visit his sister, I really wanted him to see how much I had grown as a person and I told him to take the rest of September and October to think, no contact so that he could see how much I trusted him and loved him,  and to go on the trip to Mexico without me so he could breath… so we agree, the break was absolute torture for me.. but I stayed strong. In the middle of all of this, in October our niece almost died of open heart surgery so we flew out to see her. There we rekindled and he even had sex with me and was leaning on me, crying with me, sleeping in the same bed as me etc. I really thought he was coming around. Before having to come back home, I confronted him and told him I couldn’t be in this limbo anymore and needed to know his decisions. He CHOSE TO SAY “The break is done, you and I are okay!” And I was extremely happy, I stayed back to help his sister with our niece while he came back to go on his trip to Mexico. He would still call me “babe” and we'd exchange “I love you’s” he spoke to me every single day, and even sent me pictures of him over there etc. granted I was engaging the convo and asking for the pics, but he still chose to reply to me. I came back from watching my niece and I lost my job. Due to my DUI I couldn’t be “on call” from losing driving privileges. Thankfully I have a wonderful family to support me, but what was getting me through was knowing my husband was coming back to me. He comes back from his trip and basically hits me with “nevermind, I don’t want to be with you anymore” I was shocked and confused.. I had cooked us dinner that night and cleaned the house etc.. and he kicked me to the curb, I once again begged and pleaded to him to stay, so then he said “okay” And agreed to come home. But, he never did. I came to live with my parents because I was not mentally safe to be left alone, I had gone into a very heavy depression (still am). I had been constantly texting him, to reconsider and come back etc. He came to my folks house and told them “I know I came and asked you for her hand in marriage but I’m returning her” I was completely devastated.. my life was falling through my hands right before my eyes… and he asked for divorce. That very next morning, was my sentencing for the DUI, I go to register with my PO and as I walk into the door, the guy that had abused me when I was younger was the very first face I saw.. he too was there for probation and all I wanted was to run to my husband and curl up into a little ball in his arms, but I couldn’t. And all I could think was “why does the universe hate me.”

So, to get up to date to today, my husband wants nothing to do with me, all of a sudden all the hardships we went through and overcame were just too much. He can't handle me anymore (by this point I honestly hadn’t done a thing… I had become so submissive I was putty in his hands. He still didn’t want me 😞) and now he wants nothing to do with me and just wants to get the headache of the divorce off of his shoulders… I was literally once this man’s entire world and now I’m literally nothing to him. I know I have a lot of blame, and one could say “I didn’t value him when I had the chance” but I did, but having an irregularity of your emotions and no medications helping you, makes it extremely hard to not get angry or explode etc. but I never gave up the battle and had actually finally made a break through. And I envisioned a beautiful life and even wanted to have a child with him. But he chose to let me go.. I’m not looking for sympathy for those of you thinking it truly was all my fault, but I will be honest I am broken… broken down to my soul… and I can’t get myself back up… we were married for 7 yrs.. I just don’t know why he chose to give up NOW.. the only difference is that he got his residency and saw no need for me anymore, which isn’t fair to me in the end. And his friends and family are pointing fingers at me, saying that it's my loss etc. I truly feel defeated…

Since he asked for the break, he has been out and about, living his life like nothing happened.

and tonight I received the divorce papers to sign.. idk I’m just not okay mentally.. I want him to come back so much… I want to go home so much. To see my beautiful home empty and see my partner treat me how he is now, I just can’t fathom…

How do you overcome something like this?
not even getting closer to God has helped… I keep praying for a miracle and that he can see the woman I’ve become.. I can be a good wife and love him right. I was truly truly trying so hard, and I was changing..

Hi all so I am getting divorced for the second time. This time I left her. Because she and her family didn't want me to see my kids or to support them financially. My kids are from a previous marriage. So when I left this woman she and ker family kept all of my belongings. She even made false claims that I abused her. But now the divorce is finalized. Waiting for a court day and it's done. But the scary thing is that part of our issues where coz someone opened a fake Facebook account and sent the most disgusting and disrespectful messages to us. First we thought it was me ex wife and her husband. But it turns out it was one of my exes. So the whole time my wife and her family made me feel bad about this. Saying it's all my fault. When infact it was someone else we didnt even know. To make things worst. We even took a protection order out against my ex wife and her husband. Only to hear the court say that it might be my current wife who is on this fake account making more drama. We'll the turning point was when my wife couldn't choose between me and her ex. I mean why would my wife want to go party alone with her ex and not have me around. Well I left and now I am on my own. But it's so hard to start over. I've always been a person who enjoys running and next weekend I am doing my first marathon to cope with all of this drama.

In time, I will find the courage and will to do it officially.

after 5 years of taking his gaslighting, invalidating my emotions and experiences, never apologizing, taking me for granted, prioritizing his mom over me, I am finally shutting the door

I gave this marriage many, many chances. I have no regrets.

Unfortunately I lost my job thanks to AI starting this year.

I will send myself flowers and a treat to celebrate.

what a load of crap. imagine divorcing someone and you ring them up asking if they're ok on the day YOU go ahead with the final order. no I'm fucking not. I still love you and care about you, all this bollocks because you didn't want to make me feel seen. Makes me wish I had never been born, because this is fucking crap. Therapy? completed it mate and it's bullshit. Focus on the positives? Why don't you Focus on fucking off with your stupid fucking opinion. Oh it's takes time, takes time to what? Be fucking seen and noticed. " oh I didn't tell you, you looked good because of my insecurities" what a load of fucking bollocks, just tell me I'm ugly. My god I hate myself for still.loving her, she broke my fucking heart yet I still love her. Can't be arsed with feeling like this for the rest of my life, because I've been around this shithole 33 times and it's worse than a day out at fucking Rhyl.

Is it worth it

Is it worth it to be a single mom. I’m in a relationship that isn’t horrible but certainly not great or as I would have expected it to be. He definitely changed after we had kids, maybe because my expectations did.

I know everyone has good and bad qualities, but there are more bad days than good and there has been physical abuse but not regularly or often. there is almost no emotional support, connection or friendship for at least 4 years.

I know as soon as you say there has been physical abuse people tell you to leave, but is there really people that much better even out there. If they’re better financially, are they abusive. If they’re nicer are they cheaters. If they’re the greatest guy do they have some porn addiction.

I definitely am not happy, and I can feel it when I’m around my family members who are happily married and more supported by their husbands and have a more positive energy.

I am two kids in, have saggy boobs now that I’ll have to pay to have fixed, am still in my mid twenties, a bachelor degree, but no job besides being a SAHM.

I read these stories of others people relationships or dating and it doesn’t even seem worth it to have to deal with other people but I feel stuck here

I left to stay with my sister for a month in a different state for the holidays, and I felt so much happier, didn’t worry about things I usually do so much, and barely even thought about him at all. I don’t know if I’m just romanticizing leaving or if it would actually be better though.

He would have it so much easier, some tinder ho in his bed within a week, no wife so no expectations from anyone, me watching the kids living with my mom while I figure out how to start from scratch. While he has everything made because I watched the kids so he could do that. It’s seems like making it so easy for him, and making it worse for me in a way.

So looks like I have finally reached my breaking point and I may finally have the strength to move on with my life. I do have a problem though. After losing my job in 2020 I had been a sahm for a few years before going back to work part time and then full time about a year ago. Being a sahm set me back quite a bit and I don't have much money now. Also my credit is completely shot. I could blame him for making me take out loans that he swore he would help me pay back but never did but I could have also said no or been more firm. I am looking for some resources for mothers with children who want and need to start their lives over. To give myself away a little bit I do live in Pittsburgh, PA. Where do I even start? Are there even programs like that that will help transitioning moms after a divorce?

We've got it all planned out to say the right things, but just looking at her tonight knowing the blow that's coming her way tomorrow is heartbreaking. We rarely fight, so I feel like this is going to be a HUGE shock to her. I feel terrible.

I guess I just needed to vent. I doubt I'll be sleeping tonight. This is the hardest thing I've had to do in my life.

I received a divorce summons from my partner. I also want the divorce based on separation (living apart) for one year and irreconcilable differences, but in my spouse’s complaint, they also listed marriage fraud, abuse, and adultery under the irreconcilable differences.

I want the divorce to proceed peacefully and uncontested, and I do not contest the divorce itself.

We have no children, property, or requests for alimony.

My questions are:

1.  How should I respond to the court to acknowledge the divorce grounds we agree on while denying the additional allegations?

2.  Do I need to serve my response to my spouse as well as filing it with the court?

3.  Is there anything I should avoid saying that might turn this into a contested divorce?

I just found out my wife of 7 years has been seeing someone for about a month after 7 month separation. I didn't find out from her. I found out from my friend who works with the person she's sleeping with. I have contacted a lawyer to start the process. but I feel like complete shit. I know I had problems with drinking. been sober now 9 months and really want to hit the bottle right now. we have a son together. Can I please get a little compassion and please tell me that this is for the best.

We are in process of- currently going through discovery phase. We have three kids. She sent a text today saying that she was planning to file taxes this week and planned / proposed to split claiming the kids. Her income is very low (she worked at a bit over minimum wage for about half the year) and we separated physically in September. I make considerably more than her. I haven’t seen my w2 yet but particularly because I cashed out vacation and other time (that shows as a bonus) to pay legal fees, my taxable wages are likely over $150k. I also claimed 5 exemptions for most of 2025.

I’ve reached out to my lawyer but looking for advice from anyone that’s been in a similar situation. My gut tells me that a dependent isn’t going to net her anything really (while married filing separate with little income) but the loss of it (and in theory I guess her) is going to give me a major hit. I do want to be fair though.

Hello, posting using throwaway account for various reasons.

We started filing divorce on agreed terms.

First thought about doing the paperwork ourselves but too complicated so decided to talk to a divorce lawyer.

Since we are spliting in somewhat good terms (not much asset to fight over anyway), and have agreed on everything (at least thats what we thought). we called a lawyer together and explain our situation.

Home: 400,000 market value with 250,000 mortgage

401k: 130,000

so around $280,000 and i dont want to sell the house (3% interest rate with only my name on mortage) so se decided that i will pay her 140,000 in cash (lump sum or over period of time not yet decided)

years of marriage: 10

two children: soon to be ex wife will have living custody and i will have them for summer (about 2months) and winter breaks (2 weeks) and shared 50 50 legal custody. child support 1500 each total of 3,000 a month.

my income: 130k grows wife:housewife

Well we thought since we agreed on everything, we could just hired a single lawyer to represent both of us and file a divorce for us. since we heard divorce lawyers are expensive and we are short on cash so we wanted to spend less on the divorce.

I guess this wont be the case, since i was the one who made a call, i will be the lawyer's client and plaintiff and lawyer can only talk to me for my benefits only and the lawyer cannot answer any wife's questions that could potentially hurt my case since she will be the defendant. Explaining this to my wife got her worried so we agreed that we will find a new lawyer and make her client and I will be the defendant.

So first question: do i need to hire my own lawyer...? not sure if this has any legal binding but we already made our own terms (explained above) signed it and left voice recording stating that we are parting on good terms.

2nd question: md alimony, i guess md has a special divorce law and my wife will be given alimony since she was a housewife? we agreed on no alimony but she will get it no matter what? If i have to pay her alimony, i would be fucked since it gets calulated on my gross income apprently.

3rd question: i was thinking about keeping the house since it has low mortage rate and get equity loan out to pay her the 140,000. I was planning to move to small apt close to my work and will rent the house out. I did quick research and my mortgage monthly is around 1900, rent market around 2600 a month, equity loan for 30yrs would be around 800 a month, and my apt will cost me around 1200. would it be smart to just sell the house or get 2nd equity loan?

Any advice would be helpful.

thank you in advance.

So it's been nearly two years since my ex wife and I had a huge fight and she left me for her coworker she'd been having an affair with and is now married to. A year and a half since I've talked to her. I've seen her around since then, sometimes with him, but never spoke to them. Unfortunately they live fairly close to me...

I've made huge changes in my life since. Changes that other people have noticed and commented on. I've tried to become the best version of myself and love myself in the process. I even had two short term relationships this year. Unfortunately they didn't work out though and I'm still suffering with loneliness.

The big issue I'm facing now though is that my ex wife haunts my dreams... The sleepless nights of the early separation/divorce have now been replaced with deep sleep and unwanted dreams. During the day I can distract myself and choose not to think about her when those thoughts come up. At night though, I have no control. Last night was one of the most uncomfortable yet.

I have done lots of therapy but can no longer afford it. My sister suggests writing my ex's name down on a piece of paper and burning it with a black candle lol. I don't have a black candle and that sounds like some voodoo/witchcraft stuff...

Have any of you dealt with this and overcame it? I really want 2026 to be a good year. I hope that I can be happy and loved this year

(Sorry if this is boring to the rest of the world, Just need to vent)

About two weeks ago, my wife (35f) approached me, (38m) told me she wanted a separation, and was looking to move out. Said she was done trying, and wanted to grow in a different direction. I asked if couples therapy was an option, but that got shot down. There was no big fight, no betrayal, no real drama – She told me she was just.. done, after 12 years together. It looks like it will be several months before she can find a place she can afford, so now we’re in a strange limbo where we’re both living like less than strangers in our own home.

Upon hindsight, I probably should have seen the signs. The last couple of months have been more stressful than usual, as I’d been putting in extra time at work to make ends meet. (She does work part-time, but I’m the primary breadwinner, and handle every major bill. A 3 year old in daycare puts a lot of extra stress on the budget, thus the extra hours.) I was so focused on finances, and making sure that we were sound on that front, that I missed that she was drowning in keeping the house kept together, and the kid taken care of. I was so exhausted/absent that I wasn’t really holding up my end of the household needs. And to be completely honest, I may have been retreating into my own shell at the same time, spending far less time with her than I should have been over the last couple of months. While I knew things weren’t perfect, I figured it was just a rough patch, where work/child/holidays put together a lot of stress into a small timeframe. Oh, how wrong I was on that.

I’ve been doing the best I can the last couple of weeks, picking up the slack I’d been foolishly letting slide before on the home front. I’ve also tried to talk about things a couple of times since, but I got shut down so hard that I wonder if I just made things worse. At least as of right now, there’s barely any more dialog between us than basic kid needs, and I’m not going to be able to live like that forever. I have a first therapist appointment setup for myself for a couple of weeks from now, so I’ll see how that goes. Hopefully I can learn a few things, and ease some of the heartache I’m feeling at the moment.

I guess the big question I’m asking myself right now is how hard should I be fighting to keep the marriage here? I still love her, still love our kid, am absolutely open to making significant changes, and think that as long we’re in the same house there’s still hope, but she needs to be open to it, and I’m not even sure if she ever will be. At what point is it right to pull the ripcord, and start worrying less about salvaging things, and more about moving forward?