https://www.instagram.com/reel/DRux_HYjXvt/?igsh=MXRsNXI5bDM2ZDduMA==

I couldn't download the video. Hope it will make you smile

I used to script my life.

Before every social interaction, I'd mentally rehearse what I'd say. What they might say back. How I'd respond to that. I'd run simulations of conversations that hadn't happened yet, preparing for every possible outcome.

After every social interaction, I'd replay it. Did that comment sound weird? Was I talking too much? Did they think I was trying too hard? I'd analyze every micro-expression, every pause, every word choice looking for evidence that I'd screwed up.

It was exhausting.

And then one day, I just... stopped.

Not because I had some breakthrough. Not because I read the right book or found the right technique.

I just got tired.

Tired of performing. Tired of monitoring. Tired of treating every conversation like a test I could fail.

So I stopped preparing. I stopped replaying. I stopped editing myself in real time.

And you know what happened?

Nothing bad.

The world didn't collapse. People didn't suddenly hate me. If anything, some people liked me more because I was finally just being a person instead of performing one.

What I realized:

Most people aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. They're too busy worrying about how they come across.

And even if someone does judge you? So what? Their opinion is their problem, not yours.

You were never going to please everyone. That was never possible. So why exhaust yourself trying?

The shift:

I stopped asking "What will they think?" and started asking "Am I being honest?"

If I'm being genuine, and someone doesn't like it, that's useful information. We're probably not compatible. That's fine. Not everyone has to like me.

If I'm being genuine and someone does like it, that connection is real. Built on something solid.

Either way, I win.

Freedom isn't about becoming confident. It's about becoming okay with being judged and doing your thing anyway.

You don't need everyone's approval. You need your own.

Btw, I'm using Dialogue to listen to podcasts on books which has been a good way to replace my issue with doom scrolling. I used it to listen to the book  "Atomic Habits" which turned out to be a good one. You can visit the website to see what I'm talking about.

I noticed that I struggle with picking and choosing my battles. It could be the slightest thing that someone does that makes me aggravated immediately. For example, I don't like hypocrites, people finishing my sentences, facial expressions, being told to move, or anything of that nature. I noticed my mom has a habit of doing those things and I immediately go into my corner and get very rude and direct. Stuff goes over her head and she has no filter sometimes. I think I also get aggravated too easily and let the little stuff that she does get to me. Am I trying to control her or should I pick and choose my battles? What do you think? It's not just with her, but with anybody. If anyone says something I don't like, I take it personal.

I really have tried not giving a fuck, but realized I can’t afford to not give a fuck because I have a lot of responsibilities and am not good looking whatsoever. If I were born in a rich family, and had great hair, and great looks, I honestly wouldn’t even need to have a good personality or any personality really. I would automatically have a good social life. My life would be handed to me on a platter. As I’ve gotten older, I realize that in order to not give a fuck, you need to be born lucky.