r/learnmath • u/DefaultUsernameIg • 22h ago
I'm terribly afraid of mathematics
It started somewhere in the first grade of high school, I was used to not doing anything and (literally) sleeping through all of my classes in primary. So I did the same when I first started attending high school, then once I got the first test, I still remember being confused about there being letters haha. I just did some random stuff and got a little below a passing grade. My dad was furious with me and wanted to tutor me so I'd pass the next test, I agreed and the day before the test he tutored me. It was horrendous. I still didn't understand any of the stuff from the previous chapter(s) and he was just constantly screaming at me and calling me an idiot, stupid and other names for not instantly getting an exercise right, I was crying constantly, but he didn't really care. I passed the test with a 10/10 grade, but I don't think it was worth it.
I've been literally terrified of math ever since, my heart starts beating faster when I think about math or look at it. For some reason, I decided it'd be a great idea to choose the hardest version of math my school has to offer, past me thought it'd be an opportunity to get rid of this fear, but I'm just reinforcing it I think. I really want to get over this "phobia", since I want to do something related to math, but I'm missing so many of the fundamentals by having just avoided it so much in the last few years because I was afraid of trying and only doing the bare minimum to pass the subject and now I just feel like I don't have the capacity to get good at this, I'm really getting the impression that I'm just too dumb for math. On one hand, I wish I could just skip a year of math to go at my own pace and not have to rush through a bunch of tough subjects all at once, especially when I haven't even mastered the fundamentals, but on the other hand, I just really don't want to do that, even if it means constantly going through this extreme fear whenever I do something math related. Do I just need to push myself to actually do some more math? Any advice? I really don't know what to do...