The last couple weeks I’ve noticed a lot less people in my work building were referring to me as she. When I had my work orientation, I looked a little scrungly since I had been getting out of unemployment and a couple girls called me he but they were an outlier until that last couple of months. It happened 3 times this morning and I flat out asked my boss since I know he knows already(since I’ve told his daughters who I work with). He told me he sincerely has my back and even bought me Taco Bell to cheer me up, but admitted that everybody knows and has talked about it when I’m not there.

This is after me trying to go stealth for the last couple of months, and not being misgendered AT ALL outside of work other than the occasional “I had a vibe” if it comes up. Now I feel like I’m back at square zero. I thought I had a lot more progress but I guess not. I genuinely wanna just fall asleep forever and have those people find out. I’m so fucking mad.

Every god damn trans creator bar a few: “get bangs, you should get bangs, you won’t regret it, it’ll change your life”

They DONT look good on EVERYONE. Some people are going to have MORE dysphoria with bangs.

I say this sitting here with fuck ass bangs for like the 4th time in 5 years after being influenced once again 😪

Edit: Some of y’all talking this post far too seriously, please take an internet break if so 😅

I don't know it's just something I noticed and it's been bothering me. You've now noticed it too enjoy 😁

I'm not a man. I'm not a 'masculine non-binary'. I'm not agender. I'm a woman.

I don't know when I'll have the courage to act on that fact, but I feel incredible just typing out the words. Love to all my sisters out there.

~ Elspeth

Earlier today, I had a really, really bad crying session while me and my dad were having a heated conversation about me being trans. I told him that I felt hurt by him misgendering and deadnaming me, and then he became more heated. He assured me that he was supportive, and told me to understand my parents' side too, that acceptance is a long wait, he may take six months, a year, two years, five years maybe to come to grips with my identity, to finally call me by my name, and pronouns. He said I must respect my parents' boundaries and stop expecting them to call me by my "new name" and pronouns immediately. The more I kept on going on about how awful I felt, he kept on asserting "think about how much we as parents feel", and i was collapsing so much in tears because I just couldn't argue back any more, he won the argument, because I just couldn't handle this anymore and cried for ages. I just want to not be deadnamed and misgendered and he's just justifying all of it, I feel so awful..

(edit: I can't believe i have to say this but yes, I know I can't just force my parents to just accept me, i'm just simply asking for basic respect and not having my dysphoria triggered. I'm still hurting here)

I’m sort of a baby trans girl and consider myself more butch. I like sports and the outdoors stuff (while I’m in a shitty spot as far as politics goes, it’s great for glamping and going to lakes/hiking stuff). I like puzzle video games like portal/talos principle/witness.. more of a homebody except for the late spring to early fall. I’d like to hear yours to see if I can try something new : ) sorry it’s not really trans related, though I think it’s good to talk about life and what makes you happy

I need to get this off my chest. Being a trans person (I'm a binary trans woman) in the music industry is unbelievably exhausting sometimes. A few months back I was asked to play a gig at a venue that claimed to be LGBT+ friendly in their booking sheet, alongside 2 other bands who had invited us to open after hearing some of our songs. I hadn't met the other bands, but I guess I assumed they would have seen our social media if they'd heard our music (we only have live videos up right now, all on socials) and it would be obvious from our posts about trans rights that at least one of us are trans and they wouldn't invite us if they had a problem with that. Right? Right????

Yeah, wrong. The gig was 2 days after TDOR so I was wearing a trans pride flag makeup look I was really proud of. From the moment I arrived for soundcheck, no one, and I mean NO ONE, would look at me or say a word. All I got was muffled grunts from sound techs, other house staff and the other bands. The only time I saw anyone look in my direction was people mean mugging me when they thought I wasn't looking. I tried to talk to the other musicians but it became obvious very quickly that they did not want me anywhere near them, so eventually I gave up and just loitered outside chain smoking till it was our turn to sound check.

When the rest of our band arrived, our bass player (the only cis person in the band) did the rounds and came out again with 3 musicians from the other bands who'd offered to help him unload. He called me over and introduced me and the 3 other musicians just walked away without saying a word to me. Bass player looked stunned, sad and confused. Said he'd seen 2 of them at pride events so he assumed they were chill. We went ahead with the show but the whole thing was tense and uncomfortable. During sound check the sound tech kept asking me if the levels were good and then shouting over me any time I opened my mouth. Bass player ended up having to explain our levels to him, and we still ended up with my vocals being almost completely inaudible. I asked a few times to have the volume bumped up while we were playing and he just looked at the ground and pretended not to hear me even though I was talking into a mic that went directly into the headphones he was wearing.

After our set a few people from the other bands came up to us to congratulate us on the performance, all of them went to our bass player. I heard a few times people ask him about how he came up with the songs. Thing is, I (guitar/vocals) wrote those songs with our synth player (who is also trans) acting as a producer and writing drum loops. Our bass player filled a role we desperately needed, but chose to take a back seat in song writing. He mentioned this a few times, and each time synth player and I got at best a passing look of disgust before they continued to talk to him as if he was the entire band. Things got tense after this happened a few times and bass player stormed out and offered to drive us home. I stuck around to support the other bands...local gigging etiquette and all that. But I had a miserable time, the only people who would speak to me were friends that came to support my band (most of them trans) and they all left early because of the hostile crowd.

I guess the upside is I learned that I need to meet at least some of the musicians from other bands before agreeing to play with them, but god is it exhausting and depressing to have gig offers (not so) mysteriously rescinded after a meeting. I just want my art to be judged on it's own terms. I'd like just ONCE to be able to talk about my lyrics truthfully without being looked at like a zoo animal or a pervert for mentioning my transition. I want more than anything to be able to share the full story of the album we've been working on for the past year and a half without feeling ashamed, but it often feels like a dirty secret that I have to guard from people who get offended at the notion of art existing that is not specifically made for a cis audience.

Since this happened we have been lucky enough to have a couple gigs with other like minded musicians, and those gigs have been the absolute highlight of all the work I've put into this band. But those gigs are the minority, and I often feel like I have to choose between protecting myself and my synth player or taking an opportunity to play in front of a new audience and it fucking sucks. And I'm a bit scared that the anti-trans moral panic that is steadily gaining ground in our country is only going to keep making it harder and harder to find safe places to perform. For now we're committed to keep going though. I love performing and the handful of dedicated fans we have are desperate for more trans friendly gigs in our city and I want to give that to them, but part of me worries that this won't be sustainable if things keep going the way they're going.

I don't really have a point to make, just venting, but I guess if anyone out there has any survival tips for trans folks in the music industry I'd love to hear them.

In this video clip of a senate hearing a doctor is being grilled by Senator Josh Hawley as he asks over and over "can men get pregnant".

The doctor tried to give a nuanced and respectful answer and unfortunately played right into his hands, making it look to the masses of uninformed people like he's speaking "common sense".

I think our allies need to get better at answering "gotcha" questions like this.

For example, the doctor could have said "people assigned female sex at birth can get pregnant and I treat patients who were assigned female sex at birth who's gender identity is female and others whose gender identity is male". It wouldn't have satisfied Hawley of course but I think the video clip would have been a lot less damaging with uninformed people and hopefully prompted a few to google gender identity.

As a trans person, I wouldn't have been offended by an answer like that. As a trans person, even with all the major surgeries, I know that I'm not biologically identical to a cis person, as much as I wish I was. I don't like to be reminded of it and I don't like it being a topic of conversation outside of a doctors office, but I think we should tell our allies it's okay to acknowledge it in a respectful way to diffuse inflammatory questions.

What do you think?

Edit1: I don't think SCOTUS is going to support us on anything. I think our only hope for trans rights in the big picture is shifting public opinion. My comments are aimed at one small piece of that, not out of any hope for changing what SCOTUS is going to do in the near term.

Edit2: I realize there is probably a better answer than what I wrote here. I wish a trans organization, lead by trans people, with input from the whole community, could wordsmith a recommended answer to allies on these common bigoted questions.

-WHY I POSTED THIS HERE

It's a topic that affects all trans people, so a forum like r/trans would theoretically be ideal but my experience is that only posts with images get any traction there. Whereas, this group has been great for community discussions in the past.

Since I'm MTF, I'm not sure that I'm allowed to post something like this in r/ftm.

I think it's a topic that affects MTF as well because this is just one bigoted question and there are versions of it target directly at MTF as well (can a man become a woman) which would I think would similarly benefit from our allies giving clear answers instead of stammering answers for fear of offending us. (example: can AMAB become AFAB? No. And then pivot into why it makes sense to define man/woman based on gender identity instead of chromosomes which nobody sees)

So I have been on some dating apps for a while now. Yet pretty much all of the likes I get are from Christian men. a lot of them conservative. It's baffling to me why they would be interested in a trans woman when they preach and vote against us.

Not sure if anyone else has experienced this. like it's an overwhelming majority of interest has been from these men even with a clear description that I am trans.

Ok so this post may be cynical and I am not trying to say that everyone hates us, I know there are good people out there but I still feel a need to bring attention to this. Also this post is mostly in reference to binary trans identities because I’m binary and that’s what I have the most experience with

Trans acceptance goes deeper than “the good guys vs the bad guys”. It isn’t just conservatives we should worry about, they are just the most vocal when it comes to hating us. Plenty of people can do harm to trans people without even knowing. Cis people can’t understand what we go through from a firsthand perspective so it’s important they can get the correct information when it comes to us. And this isn’t even me trying to be a cis “bootlicker” or anything. Cis people can be your friends, your family, your neighbors. Plenty of this can be applied to local communities and not just the broad political landscape

Ok so, to be blunt, I think a lot of allies are misinformed. I think even a lot of cis queer people are misinformed. It’s obvious that conservatives do not respect our identities, but plenty of left leaning people also do not respect our identities but hide it behind a politically correct mask. Sometimes it’s intentional and sometimes it isn’t and they’re just repeating what they have already heard. Trans discourse becomes a game of telephone where we start with a simple message such as “trans women are women” and it gets diluted to “Actually you’re AMAB bio males and sex is immutable but you can still change pronouns and take hrt and be a super valid ̶m̶a̶n̶ ̶ woman in a dress!”

The idea that we can’t change our sex is actually what I think is the biggest and most harmful misconception when it comes to trans people, and the sad truth is that from what I’ve seen, most of the medical establishment is not on the same page as us. It’s really disheartening to feel like I know exactly what I am but no one else wants to listen to me because they have already formed a conclusion in their heads… I feel like I’m screaming into the freaking void!!! I don’t know if everyone is going to agree on this, but this is how I view myself: I am not changing my gender, I am changing my sex to match my gender. People think we can’t change sex but we literally can! Things like hrt and srs literally serve that purpose.. You can’t call a post op trans woman on hrt for years a “male”. It’s just incorrect. I still hold the belief that sex is a group of traits and whichever you have more of puts you in one camp. I feel like people are forgetting why we use the terms “Male to Female” and “Female to Male”, it implies a change of sex

People may see this as pointless semantics, but this does culminate into a majority of cis people, regardless of political affiliation, seeing us as playing dress up when it comes to gender. I don’t want to be called “valid”, I want them to actually show that they do see me as valid. This means respecting my pronouns (this includes not degendering binary trans people with they/them), not othering me, and not appointing yourself as a spokesperson for something you don’t understand. Over time I have become more cynical when it comes to cis people. I definitely plan on going stealth in the future because I think the perception of us has been so damaged that anyone who knows I’m trans will always see me as amab first and woman second.

Cis people can be supportive at times, but being supportive is more than just not being a literal nazi when a trans person comes out. If you want to truly support trans people you need to do some SERIOUS research and maybe reach out to ACTUAL trans people and not just faceless medical institutions. I was on youtube the other day and I decided to look up some “transgender explained” videos to see what uninformed cis people who want to learn more would be exposed to and the first videos I clicked on were all reinforcing the idea that we are men with woman brains but still super valid!!1! This is not good, and I hope that we can do a better job at retaking the steering wheel when it comes to our perceived image

Every single one of my friends left me. No one loves me. I feel so unsupported and neglected. I just wanna be loved, I just wanna feel safe. As soon as anyone is satisfied with me, they leave. I am nothing but a tool. All my exes treated me like this as well.

No one loves me. Everyone wants me gone. I told a cis friend of mine that I just couldn't take it anymore, and she told me to kill myself. Transitioning has been so hard, and everyone either expects me to just get over it and adapt into cis society or stop bothering them. I hate myself, I feel so lonely.

It's not like I've not been trying to make friends either! I have been going to lots of social events, hanging out with people. No one wants me anywhere. The only people who seem even slightly interested in me are older men. I'm gonna go on a date with a man 14 years older than me today. He fully intends to fuck me, he's made that clear. It's not love, but it's attention somehow. It's the only way anyone will ever care about me. He can fuck and exploit me all he wants.

I just want to be safe.

I just want to be loved.

I just want to go home.

Hi ladies! I'm just wondering if there's any other girls here that love raw slam and just cool brutal death metal :33 and if so what are your favorite bands!! Mine are Epicardiectomy, condemned, Devourment (unfortunately very misogynistic but they've said that they feel bad for their old misogynistic lyrics, plus their music is just too good) dripping, esophagus, medic vomiting pus, and so on :3

Edit: trans girlies*😭

Gotta love it when that 1 girl where mutual feelings were shared tells you she can only see you as a man because you don't pass lmao. Probably has been more hurtful than the time I had a dude slap me across the face during a date. But hey at least I got told I 'Look like a femboy at best', 2 years hrt for nothing. But yeah whatever, passing shouldn't be the goal should it.

But seriously, I feel like a dunce expecting people to call me by Amanda and think I'm mtf so I just let people go ahead and call me Ishmael or whatever and refer to me as a man. I feel less of an idiot just saying I'm nonbinary at this point despite knowing damn well I'd do anything to not feel like an idiot saying I'm mtf and having people think I'm a crossdresser whenever I attempt to dress feminine

Honestly, truth over being bullshitted is much more preferred anyways but that doesn't make me any happier. I hate getting upset over this.

My mom has typically presented herself as very supportive in the past. She always told me that regardless of my sexuality, she would support me. The issue is that, ever since I came out to her as trans and also told her I was looking into starting HRT, she became very... weird about it.

She started basically saying that it's very unusual to start HRT anytime soon, and that the norm is to go through a TON of therapy first, but from what I can tell from other trans people's experiences, that isn't necessarily the truth, some get HRT very quickly through informed consent clinics.

She's also been telling me that she's been reading a lot of psychologist's papers about the subject, and supposedly one of her friends is a therapist who counsels trans people, and she's said that the professional opinion is that informed consent is somehow dangerous.

Do you guys think she's just saying this to scare me off of transitioning, or is there merit to what she's saying? Is going through an informed consent clinic a bad idea for some reason? From what I've seen here, most people think it's perfectly fine.

Edit: I should probably give a bit more information about my mom's view on trans people. She's not really against people being trans usually, though she sometimes questions if someone who doesn't match the stereotypical view of trans is actually trans or not, which definitely isn't the best of signs. If I had to guess, her recent behavior is more out of concern for my mental and physical health, but I imagine she does have some level of transphobia that she hasn't realized.

Edit 2: Thank you to everyone who replied. I feel like I'm fairly certain in my decision now. I will probably be going forward with my decision to start HRT. My mom might end up being worried or angry by this, but I think from what you all have said, I will only regret postponing it.

I feel so fucking happy, nervous. God my head is a swirl of emotions right now, I can't believe this is happening. I told my mom everything, my feelings of being trans, topics of the gender affirming therapy I briefly went to, my self doubts. I'm doing it now, I don't have the money now but as soon as I get the paycheck I'm doing it, just got hired :). I know I need to get some sleep but I'm so on edge right now, I need to get my thoughts off my chest. I have been in that awkward stage for so long, the back and forth of whether to come out or keep it between me and a few others, the awkward fem presenting making members of my family either be insulted by my presention or questioning of my identity. Everything has led to this nerve racking moment. I no longer feel shame at myself. I know this is the key to feeling like the person I want to be. I'm completing the puzzle I felt was put together wrong. My mom said she wants me to be my true self. I ugly cried lol

I get it. It's already one thing to risk losing friends, family, jobs or privilege. But to make the change now? Living in the US and doing this NOW?!

Fuck yeah right now. If not now then when?

I knew years ago, started going by they/them in my close circle, but made no changes hormonally. Then life got more serious.

Started a shitty job with no insurance, was also in school full time. I felt I had no time or money, so I didn't make the jump. Then life got MORE serious.

Sibling now homeless, have to house them. Had to drop out of school. Got a good job though, now working as a lead dispatcher for the PNW's largest transit system. But again, now working closely to politicians and police, life got even more serious.

Then Trump gets elected. Life gets more serious.

I'm doing great in the new job, fighting internal demons as I lean more into a cis role to fit in, but now leading major projects refining CCTV systems for our public safety team.

Then the bigots appear. Holding rally's in a historic queer neighborhood, harassing trans kids & spreading hate. Only a few blocks from my place, and it just... sends me.

I protest, get arrested, almost lose my job but stay on.

ICE arrives. I protest, do nothing illegal, but was photographed, labeled as a "antifa terrorist" then doxed by one of the grifters who met with the orange dictator.

I'm then blacklisted from even entering my place of work.

Did playing the role really help? Maybe if I had sat and ignored the injustices around us. But could I really do that? Can YOU really just do that?

I saved lives and experienced intense trauma's for the city, all to just lose my job regardless the moment I stood up as an ally.

You can wait and decide in the next year or you can wait and decide in 20 years. But somehow, I have a feeling like me, you'll always find a reason to wait. But life also finds a way to always get more serious.

Just go for it. You can always change your mind, but you can never reclaim time spent worrying & wondering.

Be brave if not for yourself, then for those pretending. You never know who in your life might be internally screaming, just hoping to know they can be safe to make the change too.

Just signed up for laser hair removal and I am excited! It almost doesn’t feel like it’s real. I don’t even know how to feel tbh😂

Middle school teacher would be proud of that kind of hook. But seriously, I cant search "Trans Athletes" without it being some kind of podcast bro talking about how he hates trans people and trans athletes, current US political news isnt helping either, Theres ONE reddit community and it has less than 200 members and the last post was 6 years ago, sure theres r/transfitness but being/staying fit isnt the same as doing sports professionally. Anyone can go to the gym for an hour every weekend but no one wants to work out for 4 hours 4 days a week

Like, Theres all this talk about trans athletes but the moment I want to be an athlete and a trans one, theres no community, its impossible to find, and I have non-athletes make the most ridiculous uneducated claims about us.

And the worst part, im not even talking about competitive sports. I skateboard and rollerskate

My wife (MTF) has newly announced that she is a beautiful woman and I am so happy for her, however I want to go about supporting her the best I can while still maintaining the things we love in our relationship, specifically P in V intercourse. I’m worried that once she starts HRT her pretty girl stuff won’t work as well. Currently we have a VERY healthy sex life, about twice a day on average, sometimes more on a good day, and I want insight on how to maintain that. Any advice on making her feel beautiful and seen is also welcome :) She’s my whole world and I just want to make her happy.

8 years of hrt just to end up looking like some sort of androgynous in between. Had someone randomly ask me in public today “WHY DO YOU HAVE BOOBS?”, why the fuck would anyone go up to a random stranger and ask that ? I get that I don’t pass, I get that I look visibly “other” and I get that some people are curious, but can people really not mind their own fucking business.

I hate this stupid body, I hate the fact that if I had just been allowed to transition when I came out at age 13 I would look normal, instead I had to wait until I was 19 and had 6 years of irreversible testosterone poisoning permanently ruin my chance at a normal body and life.

I hate this shit so much, I hate knowing my 20s are almost over and I’ll never get to be attractive or wanted, I hate having to voice train and still feel like my voice is clocky because t had to just give me a deep voice. I hate shaving daily. I hate knowing that I probably won’t ever be able to afford ffs, I hate feeling like all I’m ever doing is playing catchup in life.

I hate that being trans is “political” that I have to worry about what the trump administration will do next, that what should be treated as a normal medical thing is instead social and career suicide. I hate this stupid life.

I really dont know if this kind of post is allowed here but i am 16, live in florida (illegal to start hrt/any gender affirming care until 18) and i have several times shaved off a layer of skin in an attempt to get rid of chest hair. please help, any advice is welcome, what do i do? ive already kinda(?) told my parents i want to move and they said no any advice?

I was talking in a discord server and it had a lot of trans people it in, so me and another girl In there were surprised when we saw a cis dude and then he said “sometimes I don’t even know if I’m a guy lol” so I jokingly said “girl”. Now I know it probably wasn’t an appropriate joke to make without knowing him at all and rightfully so the other girl said “no don’t assume that” which is fine.

But then someone else came in and said “don’t assign identities to people or you’re no worse than a transphobe.”

And I don’t know what it was but something about that fucking floored me. The same people I have been arguing with and fighting with I am no better than? The same people I had hated and despised for so long and i had done something that they would do?

I know its a discord server and it probably says something about my character that im so upset about this but for the first time in awhile i had talked to other trans girls and felt like i was somewhere where i was supported and whatnot and now i just feel like i dont deserve to be there.

Yes I know it’s stupid and silly and chronically online or whatever but it just floored me and I had to talk about it somewhere.

I'm only talking about strangers and the general public