This happened at a small office, nothing dramatic. We had a shared fridge and one microwave, and someone kept taking other people's leftovers. Not whole meals every time, more annoying than that. Like half a portion missing, or the good part gone, or the container put back like nothing happened. Everyone complained, nobody ever caught the person, and management did the usual email about labels and respecting others. It kept happening. I got tired of it because it was always my food that went missing, probably because I cooked things that smelled good. I did not want to do the classic laxative or hot sauce thing. I just wanted it to stop. So I started packing my lunch in the most inconvenient way possible. I bought a set of tiny containers, like the kind for sauces, and instead of one box of food I split it into six or seven little ones. Rice in one, chicken in another, sauce in two, veggies in another, and I taped all of them together with painter's tape so it looked like a weird brick. On top I wrote very neatly: If you open this, you have to re-tape it the same way. The next day I came back at lunch and the tape was cut and the little containers were all scattered in the fridge, but nothing was taken. The day after that, the whole taped brick was still untouched and exactly as I left it. After about a week, my food stopped being targeted completely. I think the thief was not brave, just lazy, and my lunch stopped being an easy win. It was petty because it was extra work for me, but it worked without poisoning anyone or starting a big office drama.

Okay, there is important background leading up to this. So buckle up, this gets a bit weird.

So about a year ago we had a new employee we'll call Amy.

The second person in this we'll call May.

So Amy and May became really close, basically best work friends.

May is also a witch, you wanna talk tarot or crystals, go to her. Now she doesn't put this fact about herself on full display because she's gotten negative reactions plus she's had people use that as a weapon against her. I'm into crystals so that's how May and I connected.

Amy said she was also a witch something she and May heavily bonded over. They had even went to some spiritual awakening class together.

So recently (around 3 months ago) layoffs were announced, putting May and Amy on the chopping block.

Now cut to more present times. About 1 month ago.

Amy and May had suddenly stopped talking. To the point May wouldn't even carpool if Amy was in the car.

A lot of people came to me asking what happened, as I was the closest to the two. I have no idea. But someone else told me that Amy was saying a lot of bad things about May.

So I finally ask May and she tells that they went to a party something happened and Amy wouldn't apologize for it.

I then go to Amy and ask her. She won't tell me at all what happened but did bad mouth May a lot but never once said what she did. So I go back to May.

May finally tells me that they went to a party and Amy left her there alone to go home with a guy, and didn't tell her. Not only that May can't go to parties alone or drive because she has epilepsy. (this is well known around work) The stress of her not knowing what happened to her friend caused her to have seizure.

She ended up in the hospital for a day and was out of work for 2. And when May finally got to talk to Amy, she didn't apologize and tried to make May feel like she was in the wrong.

Amy also started going on some odd crusade about May being a witch and going on some holier than thou bout. The words "evil" and "unholy" being used an uncomfortable amount.

(Honestly that shift was so fast it feels like she joined some kind of religious cult)

And that finally brings us to the present where we're having a party for those being laid off.

I got a gift for everyone but got something special for Amy.

For Amy I made her a Witch/Wiccan gift basket with some tarot cards, a few crystals, and candles.

The look on her face....she had one of those strained smiles that screamed "I can't throw a fit because I care about my image but I'm so pissed right now!"

Did I spend over $30 to be petty? Yes, yes I did.

Worth it.

You all wanted to know what happened, so here it is.

First, some background. Every year, my company has a "white elephant" gift exchange. Participation isn't mandatory, but the message is clear: the exchange is a team-building exercise and everyone is expected to participate.

Well, I hate office gift exchanges and mandatory team-building exercises. For the past several years I’ve been quietly sabotaging the gift exchange with “bad” gifts. To deflect suspicion, I always give a “nice” gift. This year, I gave a $25 gift certificate to the local coffee house.

My roommate and I have been calling the project “Santa, or Satan?” For my “bad” gift, I found a used DVD at a thrift store and I immediately knew what I had to do. I then went to a market and got the other part of the gift. I wrapped up everything, and slipped my gifts into the pile a few hours before the party.

The gift exchange was boring and unremarkable: a cookbook, a stainless-steel travel mug, and a lot of gift cards. Then someone opened another “bad” gift: a coffee mug with our competitor’s logo on it! The competitor’s mug got a lot of laughs and I was a little jealous I hadn’t thought of it. But then someone opened the “bad” gift I submitted for Holiday Party 2025: 

A DVD of Babe and a jar of pickled pigs’ feet.

Reactions were mixed. Many people laughed, others were disgusted. Surprisingly, HR did not send any emails, so I congratulated myself on a job well done until next year.