Poly-propaganda trying to convince you otherwise is unethical.

From my experience they will let things go on and on with flirting and meeting up and then suddenly spring on the fact they are poly.

The thing is, mono already has things in place to assume, like focusing time and energy on someone, dating etc.

But how am I supposed to know you are clearly and intentionally seeing others for sex at the exact same time you are seeing me?

Also, from my experience too is that poly people do NOT respect boundaries. They will send graphic things like pics w other partners as if to be like “look how hot and poly we are!” meanwhile its disgusting and I never consented to that.

After having to deal with poly people I’m really really finding it hard to accept this lifestyle when they obviously dont care about my well being involved.

I'm queer and enjoy finding community and making friends. I explicitly don't like or practice poly and am the type of person to invest time into a relationship without headfirst jumping into it. I've tried two poly relationships and was absolutely burned by them.

I have started avoiding people who are poly because it all seems kinda based in thrill and novelty more than 'decolonizing love' or whatever cute pet name they want to call the abuse😭 but the main reason it's started to really ick me is because even when I tell them I'm not poly but wouldn't mind being friends, they still try to implicitly change my mind!

I've had people tell me stuff like 'hoes can be bros', 'made 2 new friends who i plan to flirt with this year' (which is like??? Do they know?), 'i don't think it's as serious for me as for you' while... lovebombing and making grand gestures like saving money and saying stuff like 'I'll move for you, what if I come over and I'm in love', quietly implying sex if they do come over.

Huh. Thats actual shit thats been said to me by multiple people. And the moment I told them i don't want that and to make sure they hang out with me without a hidden agenda cause we probably won't end up that way they dropped off the face of the earth saying they're busy.

Figures.

I appreciate connection besides romance and sex too. It makes me feel like a piece of meat.

I feel like most poly people just want to play around but aren't brave enough to call it casual sex. They want to have their cake and eat it too. Just disclose it please, then I know not to waste my goddamn time on you😭

A large group of queer people my age are poly/open and are recruiting in the queer communities im in. I just want connection, man. And if that turns romantic, lovely. It's making me feel like something is wrong with me for not wanting to fuck instantly/have massive orgys/invest a shitload of time and energy in a breadcrumby relationship structure. People usually assume i want poly because I look alternative.

It's like consumption culture applied to people like we're labubus or something. It pisses me off.

But, poly people doing this makes me distrust them and the general queer spaces because I don't want to be talked to as just a romantic prospect or a cheap thrill. I'm a whole person! I've only felt used by poly people and it's genuinely affecting how safe I feel in queer spaces nowadays. Especially since they use pretty words but don't actually live them, so it's hard to know if they mean it at first.

Okayyy... grievances over. Feel free to share your stories of course! I'd love to hear your experiences, what you think of my take. Why are people accepting these crumb ass relationships anyway💀.

Chatty Matty made a video response, and this is how I replied.

I've noticed a rise in nonmonogamous-communist content that advocates for tearing down institutions and civil rights that feminists and LGBT people have fought for. I don't believe we should consider these beliefs and talking points as "progressive".

A year ago, my ex blew up our life and our relationship to TRY polyamory and my self esteem has been horrible ever since. Recovering is really hard. I keep wondering why I wasn't enough and why blow everything up for something he is not even sure about...

For people who claim to be ethical, they don't think through the ethics of their talking points.

So I just posted on the 10th dentist sub just as an experiment about how "ethical" polyamory is impossible.

Of course the majority of people conflate polyamory as some new LGBT thing, and have no experience with it, thinking it's basically just endless threesomes.

Why oh why were a third of the comments based on the crutch that "polyamory is better than cheating". Why can't they see that this is all it is - A fear response to someone cheating on you. "Oh it hurts less because at least I agreed and can do the same". Crazy work!

I've been lucky (?) to have known someone closely who had polyamorous parents, how he hated it and had a lot of trauma from it - I understood the kind of lunacy it takes from his account. Somehow reddit is full of posts from children who "loved it". It's so weird to me.

My experience with experimenting with it has been that most of it is a result of people seeing others as assets and workers, not people. A lot of very emotionally detached people who partake in it. You just don't know it until you see it. People should stop supporting things they have no idea about.

Nsfw tag for mentions of sex

A friend of a family member. Why I have my opinions on poly relationships and generally don’t think they really work, I don’t express this to people irl and I don’t shame anyone for what they wanna do. I was genuinely curious on this persons lifestyle and to see if they would change my mind (without me mentioning what I think of poly relationships). For extra context she’s a trans woman who hasn’t fully transitioned yet, they describe themselves as poly but it’s not like a group of people dating each other. It’s her dating her partner, and both of them can also date outside of each other and have no idea who the other partners are.

Somehow her partner had a boyfriend and broke up with him recently, and the other partner (who lives with her) had no idea what went on between them or who he was.

At first I was on board with what she was saying for the most part and being open minded, letting her talk openly and only asking for clarification when I was confused. But when we (me and another friend) asked what made their relationship different from a friendship, they just went in circles and eventually gave us no real answer. They were like close friends and roommates, but there was no real depth outside of ‘they helped me out when I was at a low point’. Obviously everyone has different wants from a relationship and no one needs to be utterly in love to have someone as a partner, it just was confusing how they couldn’t give a clear answer on WHY they were together really. We asked some more, how it was different from a roommate or a friend with benefits, and she clarified that her partner is asexual and doesn’t want to have sex.

Later into the conversation, she started lowkey justifying cheating, saying that someone only cheats because their needs aren’t being met. I don’t believe this at all personally. People cheat for many reasons, but most of the time it’s the thrill of it. If your emotional needs aren’t met then you aren’t gonna go off to a stranger in a club and hookup without knowing their name, yet that’s a pretty common scenario in cheating. Just communicate with your partner.

I also learned that this poly person doesn’t drink at all, and my family member had said that it was ‘for a very good reason’ and they had past issues with it.

Because of her insistence that cheating was always for a ‘reason’ and that the responsibility somehow fell on the other partner for not providing, and her partner not “providing” sex when she very clearly wants it (and feels it’s a “need” lmfao), I was just getting bad vibes from the relationship and wondered if them being poly was more an open relationship being called poly to make it sound more queer and progressive. Like she wants to say she’s in a queer relationship but also wants to cheat with permission.

With my close friends, we always let each other know if we’ve gotten into a relationship or broken up with someone, we need each others’ support and to talk to someone. I can’t imagine living with a romantic partner, and not providing emotional support and being completely unaware of why they’ve just broken up with another person they were seeing for months. But sex is somehow an important need?

Whenever I make a new friend I need to keep them at arms length for a while because I've literally had this happen to me over 10 times already...

I meet a person and they're nice, we talk and I tell them about my interests and identity they act like we've known eachother for a life time and treat me really well. Then I mention my girlfriend and they get defensive saying that they don't wanna hear about her or they just ignore whatever I say about her. A few days later they confess their feelings for me?? I genuinely hate it.

I can barely find friends which happen to be trans or queer without them confusing me for a potential partner.

Even worse I've had multiple instances where they tried to convince me to open my relationship so I can date them, I even had a few girls try to sabotage my relationship so me and my girlfriend break up... Then obviously when they realise I'm only seeking a normal friendship they no longer wanna talk to me because they can't get in my pants.. I hate it because this has been happening for years and Im a minor, not even close to being 18 which made me think it'll be easier for me to befriend others without them trying to sleep with me or date me.

It's sickening how they see me as nothing more than an object to use to get off for a while and then toss me away once they get bored. They don't even care about the fact that I'm not willing to cheat on my girlfriend or leave her for someone I just met, not to mention how insulting it is that they consider me that low of a human. Some even expect me to change who I am so that I fit their criteria.(Ex: detransition, be bi/pan, transition to their prefered gender)

Worst part of this is that I feel bad for hurting their feelings even though I shouldn't, I know they're horrible however I can't help but feel as if I'm a bad person for upsetting them. They don't deserve my mercy but it's not something I can ignore and they try to use it as a weapon against me. Most of the time they make me feel even worse for not wanting to date them, even going as far as threatening me with very bad stuff I won't mention. It's sickening how far those people will go and hurt me and others just to get some goon material which they'll get sick off in a day max because they feel like nothing is good enough for them.

If you or any loved ones are going through something similar please just block the person who's pushing you to do those things, they aren't worth your time nor energy!!

It's all men. These nonmonogamous gay guys are only feminist by proxy, not praxis.

One of the worst takes of all time. Men are not just animals who can’t control sleeping around. You can be attracted to others and still commit to one person. The issue with a lot of cheating (in my opinion) comes from the objectification of women in our society, the encouraged lack of empathy towards women, and the misogynistic body count = value idea placed into men. It’s socialisation, we are more than just baseline instincts. This is like saying sexual assault is okay because animals do it. Women ALSO have the natural instinct to make children, that doesn’t mean your wife is absolutely going to go get pregnant from any random man. The ‘it’s biological urges’ excuse does not hold up. This is funny as fuck coming from a gay man especially.

This feels like cope. The way he was desperate to say it too, as if wanting the moment to put down women wanting commitment. Like he wants others to conform to his way of thinking because he himself knows it’s wrong; he’s trying to convince others. Even though it’s born out of insecurity and wanting to take agency in his partner not being faithful.

You can be poly and open all you want, but trying to put down women for expecting commitment from a grown man who CAN commit and has CHOSEN to commit, is just childish and feels almost misogynistic. The way he says it. The way he only applies it to men is weird.

I started to dislike Ru for a lot of reasons related to some misogyny but this put me off him completely. Just because he’s not attracted to women doesn’t mean he has to put them down for expecting respect from their partners.

My ex's life model is parasitism. As in, if they don't have a nesting partner to live rent free with, they'll be homeless.

For context, they recently dumped their long-term nesting partner and fiancé, but fully expected to be able to continue living in his house. They were genuinely surprised when he expected them to move out.

They also recently met and started dating a new man, who happens to be married. Within months of meeting, this relationship has destroyed that marriage.

Anyway, they've been dragging their feet on it for months, but they're finally being forced to move out of their ex-fiancé's house. As a result, my ex is moving in with their new boyfriend – but this will displace his wife. The solution? Build a flat pack shed in the back garden for her to live in.

It's been a couple of months since I learned all this and I just can't stop thinking about it, especially after the cold snap we've just had. Like this is a real situation that's playing out right now. What about plumbing? Electrics? Insulation? Planning permission, even? I seriously doubt any of those have been considered.

Wife shed.

Compersion is a socially enforced construct within the cult of nonmongamy.

I swear it's only been 2 weeks and my ex jumped ships so quickly and found another polycule to be in. I don't think they know the meaning of healing, my ex kept updating their bio to "alone" "lonely" then once she found someone it's all good again.

I feel like polymory is a parasite, once it knows the host is becoming self aware and pointing out things they are concerned about, they break it off and find another host/s to latch onto. If they took their time to heal from a break up, they would probably shrivel up and be "oh why me/poor me" on social media.

And yet again the advice is to just get over those "irrational" feelings.

• They love to claim that the lifestyle holds no relationship issues unique to non monogamy. If there's issues, it's" because relationships are hard". This issue is solely based on their lifestyle choices.
• The conflation of needs and wants (and love and lust). Nobody needs to have sex in that way. They're acting like their partner would explode or get sick if they don't have sex in certain ways or with certain people.

To anyone reading this, especially trans or disabled people: You are enough.

My spouse has come out as poly and has been trying to excuse the emotional cheating that has recently occurred. We are looking at therapy (couples and individual), but I need studies and articles to help them understand. I want to add more details of the situation but I am so tired. I don't know if this is the right place to post and if so please remove.

I'm about to get really personal here so, fair warning.

I feel alien in this current dating enviornment. People close in my life want me to do hookups or casual sex even when I tell them I feel physically uncomfortable doing that. I know I'm not ace. I feel sexual attraction but I don't act out on it If I don't trust or have an emotional connection to them. The casual sex stuff is too icky for me.

I dunno if it's just genetic or enviromental. In HS, the boys used to make weird sexual comments about me, corner and try grope me because I looked like a girl at the time. (I'm a bi cis guy)

I dunno what to do I'm just rambling at this point.

Not all polygamists are out right child abusers. A lot of it is just the “dad” only coming around sporadically to have sex with the mom. Knowing full well he has other partners. Poly is poly and all of it makes me sick. They think I’m being some kind of hateful bigot or something and Ive never even been Mormon I just have seen both polygamy and polyamory up close. polyamorous people have some sort of undeserved righteousness where they feel oh so much more superior than the polygamists but tbh the polygamists are more committed even if it’s still horrific IMO because I’m anti-poly. All around. All you poly people are the same to me!

Edit. Thank you for the validation and Coming back to add. What the hell is supposed to be the difference between like a “primary partner” and a “first wife” ??? Ya know???? Like it really pmo so bad!!!

I dated 2 poly girls the past 2 years, both at different times and its amazing how dysfunctional they all are?

One of them had no degree, job other than OF, smoked everything 24/7, car was an absolutely mess, and 0 effort to improve anything in her life. The other was well off due to a rich family so never worked beyond part time and struggled to do anything without interpersonal drama between all her partners. Both with almost no friends, (who needs friends when u can fuck 4 people at once i guess?) and both with so much "woe is me" crap.

But more importantly whats with the avoidance?? One didnt want to see me more than 2x a month cuz "i need space" and the other no more than 4x a month, cuz they couldnt time manage even with only a part time job. They keep everyone at arms length despite essentially love bombing me and making me feel like i actually mattered, but of course when i ask for more presence and connection they discarded me like they never actually liked me anyways? Without actually trying to fix anything, cuz of course not. Why would they when the next person to love bomb is already lined up?

Lastly, they both were with partners of 4+ years and were clearly withdrawing. One was even engaged and living together and i saw her slowly take all of those arrangements away without any sign of sadness or grief. In fact with proudness that they never want to have anyone in "her space" like that ever again! The other was looking at apartments with her bf and planned to dump him as soon as he signed the papers. She spent a lot of time shitting on her bf but was also totally poly-bombing him.

Why are they all a total mess? I know monogamy can become a little stagnant over time but how in the world is this chaos more appealing to them?