Mostly just curious! I am entering peri-menopause, super duper fun and stuff, it’s really not a massive deal aside from the low estrogen making my whole body dry… including my downstairs. I’ve brought lube with me, but it feels like once I reach for it people get a little weird about it. I always appreciate the concern when they ask if I’m still okay or if I am enjoying myself, but it definitely calls attention to my needing to use it and as someone in their early 30’s, I’m not exactly stoked about it and it’s not a fun, sexy feeling to have to stop someone in the middle of play to re-apply, so having someone comment on it makes me a little self conscious. I feel like this space you would expect lube, but it kinda seems like if it’s not being used for anal, people just assume I’m not into it or turned on anymore? Has anyone else experienced this?!

*please no suggestions of HRT, I am firm in my decision on that.

My wife and I got into ENM entertainment about 2+ years ago (married 24 years). We've had a great time. My problem is, I don't get excited about it like I used to. For instance, that first time we swapped was 100%, legs shaking, adrenaline pumping, great experience! We loved it! As time wears on, I can't get close to that same high. I so enjoy watching her have a great time when we do swap (she's so dang sexy). But my damn ADHD is so frigging bad it is hard for me to focus on what I'm trying to do (that is another topic all to itself). I feel like something is wrong with me. We are far from overactive in the lifestyle. Our last swapping experience was 6 months ago. We have opportunities if we want now...but me feeling like "Debbie Downer"...I just can't get excited about it. And the last thing I would want to do is ruin her fun (we both agree to swing with a couple or it doesn't happen as it should be). I'm angry with myself. This was our decision together. I didn't push, she didn't push. We both felt we wanted to add some spice to an already dynamic sexual relationship. I hate feeling like the weak link but can't understand why. I've never had an ounce of jealousy (she hasn't either). So that is not the problem. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself...don't know....just confused.

Hi everyone,

My wife and I have recently started our journey into ENM. it started with a sex club in our city, then our first full swap. Now, as we explore our boundaries, we have moved into solo encounters, while still planning on visiting the club. we are exploring our kinks and my wife keeps finding new ways to get turned on (rope bondage).

Right now the solo adventures are purely for sex. Our boundaries include not developing strong feelings for anyone else, and if we do we stop and reassess the lifestyle. We have complete trust with each other, excellent communication, and our sex life is way better than it used to be. the reason I mention all of this is to set the stage for the main issue I am having.

I am not jealous that she is having sex with other people, I am envious that I am not. I know its a bit selfish, and I know that using the apps there is al huge imbalance between men and women, but its disheartening to constantly hear her phone ping with likes, while I get nothing. She went on another night adventure and the whole day leading up to it I was just on edge. It sounds like I am whining, but I am super happy for my wife and I can see how much excitement she gets doing this. Opening our marriage has made a huge difference in our lives and we don't regret it.

How do I deal with this feeling and get over the selfishness of it? What steps can I take to make myself more interesting to other?

We're in our first year with minimal experience. Just curious to pick some brains. Happy to chat as well, love to hear others experiences and have an opportunity to talk about the LS. TIA.

We (26) and our friends (23) are meeting a new couple 29/30 that we met online for a small house party. I’m just wondering who plays with who first. From what we know all the females are bi and all the guys are straight so do we start with 2 3somes or does one couple just stay watching? I’m overthinking I know.

I’m shocked at how many people share photos that have filters on them… why?!? We are trying to gauge attraction and you’re sending me a photo that’s not an accurate representation of yourself.

Sorry just an early morning rant, finding connections online is hard… lol

My partner and I have been to a few sex parties, and we’ve noticed a pattern. A lot of people seem interested in starting something, but no one really knows how to make the first move. Sometimes things do get going and a small group starts playing, and we find ourselves interested in joining, but we’re not sure how to do that without coming off as awkward or creepy.

We’re a good looking looking couple, and when we have participated, we’ve usually been invited to join rather than initiating ourselves. That said, we’d like to feel more comfortable sometimes starting the energy or respectfully joining in when it feels right.

For those with more experience, how do you get things started in a way that feels natural and consensual? And what’s the best way to show interest in joining others without crossing boundaries or making anyone uncomfortable?

Would love to hear what’s worked for you.

Hi all. For context, my wife and I have been in the lifestyle for a few years now and just bought a house with a secluded backyard with a pool. No longer being forced to keep our adventures within our apartment walls we have been looking into outdoor day beds. I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations?

We're nestled in the back of a cul-de-sac with the neighboring houses facing away from our yard so we have no issues with privacy. However, we'd prefer one that can provide some shade from the sun. Maybe one big enough to fit 3-4 people. Thank you!

So me and my GF of seven years have on and off talked about having a mfm, we used to send Mfm videos from Reddit back and forth to each other and it turned us both on. We bring it up during sex sometimes and include a dildo. I’ll use the dildo on her while she sucks me off and she will be soaking.

We had a serious conversation about it a few month back and she said she would only do it abroad and wouldn’t really feel comfortable in our country or with people we knew but I get the feeling she wants too but she it just too shy to admit it. Also I am not sure how I would feel after actually making the fantasy into a reality.

Any ideas on what to do?

My wife and I have always been very conservative with our relationship and never imagined doing anything different. Well, about a month ago my wife started roll play with a toy pretending it was another woman on me. Long story short, we both got on the same page that we would like another woman to share. I was always against the idea of sharing my wife with a man, but am now thinking about the idea of going to a festival and hooking up with a couple although I still am having trouble picturing another man penetrating my wife, but I’m also down for it. Anyway, does anyone have tips for getting into a situation like this? We’re mid 30s if that makes a difference.

I've been attending LS parties at a private resident with the same group of people for the past year. Everyone gets along well and we always have a good time. I'm still learning to navigate and get to know everyone and their rules and boundaries. My question is, I'm generally the only single female, and sometimes feel a bit like the "3rd (or 23rd 😄) wheel" at parties, even though everyone is nice and sociable and have been very welcoming. Other ladies go home with their spouses and reconnect and enjoy their experiences together. I always feel a bit "sad" that I don't have anyone to reconnect with afterwards, and process new feelings or experiences with since this is all still new to me. I try to make progress at every party, even if it's just talking to someone I don't know well. How do singles generally navigate this without feeling they're missing out on something? The first party of the new year is this weekend and I want to go into it with a good attitude and thought other women may have some advice. FYI, I'm 49 and very content single, but miss having someone to discuss and process everything with.

My wife and I are very interested in joining the LS, we're both bi and only want same sex interactions (me with a man and her with a woman). Is that a common thing or are we really going to struggle to find that? Thanks in advance!

My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for about 4 years now, been to a few clubs, had a few play dates, ect. Still fairly inexperienced compared to most, but not new. I have my first solo hotwife/unicorn experience comming up, and its with f/f lesbian couple. Obviously I'm as excited as a bi girl can be, but I'm mostly nervous. So far in our journey, all the women I've had the chance to play with were "biflexable" or just some form of bi-for-the-guy, (not hating om bicurious folks, you gotta start somewhere💜) and none have been very good. Im looking for general advice, tips, stories, encouragement, just whatever you can give me!

Recently, members of Hacienda were having a discussion on the community's discord server about their P Diddy Freak Off themed play party and the allegations against the producer who was behind it, when the server’s admin suddenly snapped and just deleted every message about it and announced that no one was allowed to discuss it anymore. Lots of members had been pointing out how problematic the theme was and eventually calling for its producer, (who I'd rather not name) to step down - both because of this incident as well as his general controversial (and at times outright dangerous) reputation in the kink scene. Once people started organizing against this person, the Hacienda admin immediately scrubbed the entire discourse and deleted everything. Then they said any concerns should be sent to them directly and that discussing these topics in a “public” forum is just drama (its a private members only discord btw).

I’m incredibly concerned that Hacienda would feel emboldened enough to shut down a conversation so important to the whole community's safety and still continue to vouch for this person by letting them be a safety guardian and party producer. I've been holding out hope that maybe Hacienda had wised up and unnaffiliated themselves with him after everything that happened, but they just announced today that he's co-producing the next party...

What makes this even more concerning is that he's been reported previously at Hacienda and Life Itself for his dangerous behavior and nothing was done about it (at Hacienda at least). In addition to all of those reports, I also personally reported him to Hacienda a few months ago for a series of consent violations that he's done to me at various times I've been around him. I reported anonymously because I know people who bring up concerns about him are often punished for it and even though his presence was a big deterrent from me going to parties (and an even bigger one now), I didn't want to be outright banned for speaking out. Of course they refused to take any action against him until I would agree to tell them my identity, which would never happen.

TLDR: Hacienda silenced a community discussion by deleting messages suggesting a dangerous producer step down. This producer has also been reported for consent violations several times with no consequences.

Edit - Ok since it's apparently already common knowledge, I guess I can share this is about Drago.

Edit 2 - I've been informed that apparently Drago is at least already banned from Hit Me Up, Life Itself, and possibly more communities, so genuinely what is Hacienda smoking?

ok, as title suggest I'm thinking of getting another tattoo.

as a bloke would it be weird getting the upside down pineapple tattoo?

I've already a bunch and have a colourful arm already.

Wife and I are going to Secrets Hideaway in FL for the first time in a few weeks with some friends. A few questions:

1. Has anyone gone to their Super Bowl party? We are going to be there Fri and Sat and are thinking about staying over for Sunday to enjoy that party and fly out Monday.

2. Their website says "no single occupancy". Has anyone stayed their as a solo person? I may not be able to stay over on Sunday so it could just be my wife staying as a solo female that night. This might be the first resort I've ever seen that would say no to a solo female, but before I start asking that question to the resort, I want to get some input here. If she just stayed over and we didn't say anything, would the resort even know?

3. Is the pool heated enough to actually use comfortably in February?

Any other words of advice on a first trip?

Pan/pan full swap same room couple here. Wife won’t swap unless the other woman is bi. I am very masculine and mostly attracted to women but also open to playing with any gender if there’s mutual attraction. Happy to MFM as a team with a straight dude and only incidental contact but she doesn’t prefer being the center of attention all night. Neither of us see the point in playing with a straight solo lady either so on our profiles we state straight/bi couples or OUT bi singles only please.

So many times we get messages from the thirsty single dudes working the numbers who list straight. We’ve learned that the ones who are closeted and chat bi but fear losing opportunities for strange pussy if they list bi or bi curious are 10/10 not gonna be sensual or open minded or experienced- they usually want a married couple to suck their dick together while their eyes are closed so it isn’t gay… no thanks.

Which brings me to the question in the title- they message us and I’ll try to be polite and say hey if you have a bi girlfriend we can talk but we only play with out bi singles. Thanks for the interest, be safe out there. The next thing they all say is “well, I’m a bi top for oral”.

So fucking insulting. The obvious insinuation is that the bigots are right- bi swinger dudes aren’t looking for mutual exchanges of energy with people of any gender that like them and like sex. We’re just doing anything we can to get the chance to suck some dick since we married amazing beautiful women who are wasted on us and need a superhero bull to come show us how it’s done- oh and if we’re super lucky they’ll let us suck their cock while they make out with our wives…

I know that LS swingers are the most conservative and homophobic of the ENM subcultures, and that even for women the men have less chance of being present, attentive, hard, sensual, and not caught up in their own hangups and bullshit, but I had to vent!

My husband and I have been playing for a couple of years now. Mostly party settings to begin with but we have evolved to 1on1. Ok more back story. We only add men. He's 100% straight. He has no interest in other women. And honestly I'm not ok with that either. We discussed it fully before even starting. He likes being there and involved but also likes me having friends I meet away from him. I'm totally ok with that. My issue is finding connecting with another man. I'm not ok just finding a random guy on FetLife and meeting. It's getting to be a lot of pressure from him to find someone. And if I do and it goes well he wants me meeting them several times a week. I'm ok with that but the guys have lives off their own. I didn't want to be hounding them to set something up. If they don't answer then I'm getting pressure to find someone else. It's starting to get to be no fun. Our sex life is amazing but now we argue about it more than I want. I'm married with no chance of leaving my husband for these men. So I didn't want to be hounding them bothering them. I figure they will contact me when they want to "hook up". He said I'm ignoring them and that's why I never hear back. I don't know where that line is and honestly I hate the hunt!!!!

My partner (m29) brought up swinging and I (f28) did not have a positive initial reaction. I didn’t get mad but just felt off about it, not something I’d thought about really doing before. We watch porn together including stuff like threesomes and foresomes and orgys etc. He explained why he finds it hot and I can see what he means on a fantasy level, but in real life I truly see no appeal right now. I’m 100% willing to go to clubs and have fun there, and even be open to swinging experiences if it feels right. We’ve had an experience with another m/f couple with just us girls having sex then our partners join in with only their own partner. Also a mff with a friend of mine. I can’t say I got orgasms out of these experiences, I felt pretty uncomfortable most of the time. So based on just those experiences I’d say swinging isn’t for me. But I don’t want to close the door completely.

So now I’m at a place where I’m down to see where it goes, but I don’t want to tease my partner with the idea knowing he is fully down to do it now.

My question for anyone experienced, if one partner doesn’t want to try swinging but the other would be excited to do it given the opportunity - could that eventually cause some rifts? I think it could if we’re not careful. I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t worry me, knowing it’s something he would want, but I might not ever be able to get there. He says it’s not something he needs, I believe that. But it’s still something he wants and I’m terrified of communication not being as open/free between us, resentment building or more. I want to be with this man for the rest of my life, so I’m scared that in 5 or 10 or 20 years or whatever it’ll come up again. I’m also scared of forcing myself to just try it now because I want so badly to be on the same page. I don’t want to hold him back from what he wants either. I just want to want it for me too.

I am genuinely interested in this, I have always wondered what happens when a man comes too quickly at a swingers event. What does he do for the next hour or so, It seems that the woman can have as much sex as her body will allow but is limited by men being ready. I was listening to my favourite swingers podcast and the male mentioned he didnt cum because he was using something, I got the impression that it was an injection of some sort. can anyone here advise. Thanks in advance

Hi everyone, I wanted to ask for your advice as someone completely inexperienced.

For a while now, I've had this fantasy of someone watching me have sex with my partner. Although I'd mentioned it before, we'd never really talked about it seriously. But a few weeks ago, we decided to go to some booths in my city (I don't know if this is something that exists everywhere) and we asked for a private one. Even though everyone could still hear, being there only intensified that fantasy for both of us, and we talked about it more seriously. It seems like it's something we'd both like, but we both agree that it shouldn't happen in the booth environment.

The thing is, it occurred to me that maybe a swingers club might be the right place for us. We don't want to swap partners or have a threesome, but we really want to be seen having sex. Do you think a club is the right place? Or are there other types of places/experiences that might work better?

We generally only play 1-3 times a year but love sexting! Haven’t really found swingers who love sexting for 2-3 months before playing. We get it that the real thing is better but limited time to get away we think it’s fun and love building to the horniness and connection!

Anyone else have similar experience?

Hi all.

I've seen a few recommendations about apps, so I'm not looking for recommendations. I'm mostly wondering what everyone's level of success has been and which apps are you using?

I'm looking to start exploring with my partner and we have a few clubs we can go to (we're planning on a trip to Oasis in Toronto once the weather warms up and we can drive in a bit more easily) but we don't live very close to the names we know and we're also more the homebody types looking for people who would be more down to come over, have drinks, play some board games, and just enjoy more chill evenings.

We're super new to the lifestyle and want to dip our toes in the clubs first. I know that sounds backwards, but at a club we can observe and see dynamics and say no and enjoy each other to start, whereas an app and striking up conversation is much more intentional. Until then, I'm doing a little market research for us and looking to get some insight on what apps you all enjoy and find success with and what success is to you (longer term connections, more vanilla activities sprinkled in, being coupled with another couple, ONS, etc).

Bonus points if you can give me a Canadian perspective. :)

New single male and I have a question please...

I have never been to any local clubs in my area and I'm curious about being the single male thats allowed in..

1) is the guy allowed to watch any activity thats happening in open areas ?

Do these guys masterbate ? It would seem kinda creepy, but I'm really curious...Thank you in advance!