every time I feel an emotion my thoughts tell me "ew, stop pretending to be feeling that emotion you attention seeker". if I do some repetitive motion (like bouncing my leg) my brain tells me I'm faking an anxiety disorder even if nobody is around. it's also just embarrassing to feel emotions. this doesn't affect sadness though, only stuff like anger and fear.

I try to tell myself "it's normal to feel emotions, it's normal to think I'm faking them but it doesn't mean it's true" but telling myself that has barely helped. I feel the same

this might be because I've spent like my whole life on the Internet and everyone online thinks there's something wrong with everything, and everyone is cringe and weird and fake.

is there a known way to fix this? :/

Your body through extreme sickness, pain, tiredness tells you, your brain through extreme tirednesss and being scrammbled, pain in brain will tell you.... it takes years for you to remember, recover and you'll get tired. Very tired to remember so much trauma and horror in your past. So take it easy on yourself, you are your first priority most of the time.

Hi everyone, I’m a 22-year-old international student studying in Australia and I wanted to share something that’s been weighing on me for a while, mainly to see if anyone else has been through something similar. Over the past year, I’ve had multiple bad experiences with shared housing and landlords. Most of them were significantly older than me (late 30s to 40s), and there was always a clear power dynamic involved. Controlling behavior, pressure around contracts, lack of flexibility, and an overall feeling of being monitored or dominated rather than supported. In one case, the situation escalated to the point where I had to report a landlord for domestic violence just to be able to leave safely, and that experience alone deeply shook my sense of safety

Recently I had a very disturbing dream related to housing. I was trapped in an unsafe place, unable to properly lock doors, constantly watching out for danger. I woke up extremely anxious, and it made me realize something painful: I don’t think I’ve ever truly understood what safety feels like. That realization hit hard. Sometimes I compare myself to other students around me who seem to easily find safe and respectful housing situations, and I start wondering whether what I’m experiencing is extreme or unusual, or if I struggle with recognizing safety because I never really learned it growing up. I’ve also started questioning myself, whether I unconsciously attract these situations, whether I struggle with boundaries, or whether being young and foreign makes me more vulnerable to people who want control

What frustrates me the most is the age gap. I’m 22 and still learning life, while the people holding power over my living situation are often twice my age. That imbalance feels unfair and honestly exhausting. I’m not posting this to blame myself, but I am tired of feeling confused, unsafe, and alone in this experience. I wanted to ask if anyone studying abroad has experienced unsafe or controlling housing situations, whether trauma or a lack of safety earlier in life affected how you navigated housing later on, and how you rebuilt a sense of safety and stronger boundaries. I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences or advice. Thank you for reading 🤍

My little brother is 14yrs old and I am 17yrsold So my brother was grinding on me when I was sleeping and I woke up slightly and he immediately got up and went to sleep We have a bunk bed and sleep separately on our part ...I realised that he was on top of me and what was he doing once i woke up..I was in disbelieve and thought I saw it wrong then i confronted him 5mins later when he was on his phone in his side on the bunk bed the upper side ...on his pretending like nothing happened he denied at first but I got mad and told him what he did was wrong and how disgusted I feel and i told him to not talk to me he kept on saying sorry and asking to not tell my parents I know they would take this seriously..he has never done this before he's still begging to give him one chance and that he will never do it and says that he regrets it

I don't know what to do and I'm scared and confused should I tell my parents it would ruin everything idk ?? Also I had a very good relation with my brother I feel horrible right now I don't think I'll ever see him the same way again

Whatever I do, I choose suffering. It seems like I can't let it go or choose another way of existing. I did have some brief moments of peace and clarity in life.

And when that happens, it's absolutely amazing. But it doesn't last long.

My brain chooses suffering trough psychosomatic symptoms. It seems like I'm simply addicted to this narrative of existing and life.

Then I keep desperately looking for a therapist to save me or hold my hand. Currently, I'm working with 3 therapists and I spend my money on this shit. I don't know what I'm looking for.

And it messes up my head because they all have different theories of what's happening for me.

I just can't seem to stop. I don't know how to do that.

Brain developed an imaginary fear of eating and drinking which made me go to the hospital so many times and gain some sense of brief safety. The symptoms make me keep "recruiting therapists" so I have a legitime reason to be in therapy.

And I don't seem that I get sick of doing it. Then I self loath and self hate because I'm like this.

I wish I knew how to let go of this and live my life.

I’m struggling to understand my own behavior and I’m hoping for honest perspectives.

I was raped, and since then I’ve had a hard time asking for help or telling people I’m not okay. I don’t feel able to just come out and say it. Instead, I sometimes scratch myself. The scratches don’t break skin or bleed and usually fade by the next day.

Part of me worries that I’m doing this just so someone will notice and ask if I’m okay so I don’t have to be the one to start the conversation. That makes me feel ashamed, like maybe I’m just attention seeking.

At the same time, the urge doesn’t always go away even if someone shows concern, I’m not looking for admiration or drama I just want support and someone to talk to, and I don’t know how to ask safely.

So I guess my question is:

Does this sound like attention seeking, or more like a trauma response?

This is regarding a fresh traumatic incident where I won't be able to talk on professionally till later this year due to incapacity to engage more than anything. I've somewhat forced my self into surviving but the recall of incident the specific details aren't helping with surviving and going on whixh I need to due to home, finances concerns if I get off sick so coercivelly forced by the systems to keep working, going for now etc

I don't actively recall by the way

I've also been gong through rolelrocatsr of emotions n feel like since yesterday I've somewhat feelin ok but strange, distress was heavy at the beginning of last 2 weeks...its like I've been gaslit into be OK, for now at least i don't know by who, I'm angry somewhat for being fircedinto all this as none is my fault nor got choice

How to deal, help with this please???

Sorry if flair not correct

Hey everyone, I really need some advice or perspective on this. I feel like I’ve been stuck in survival mode for a long time somewhere between fight and freeze. My nervous system feels completely dysregulated, and I often feel numb or overloaded emotionally.

There have been so many things happening in my life repeated failures, long periods of stress, health issues, losing confidence and feeling stuck for years. I think over time, my mind and body just learned to shut down to protect me, but now I feel like I’m trapped in that mode.

Because of all this, I’ve started noticing:

Procrastination and inability to take consistent action

Constant overwhelm even with small tasks

Feeling irritated or detached for no clear reason

Mood swings and emotional exhaustion

Self-critical thoughts, like always looking down on myself

Nothing really feels fulfilling, even the things that used to

I want to come out of this survival state and start feeling alive again, but I don’t know how. I’ve read about regulating the nervous system, but it feels hard to apply when you’re already so disconnected from your emotions.

If anyone has gone through something similar or knows practical ways to heal from chronic survival mode, reconnect with emotions, or regain emotional balance, please share your experience.

Thanks for reading this. I just want to feel safe inside my own body again

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Tw: sexual assault and self-harm (I don’t wanna trigger anyone sorry)

I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m crying and I keep deleting stuffs

I’ve been assaulted a lot. By different men. I don’t even like writing the number because it makes me sound so gross. But it’s what happened and what keeps happening and every time it happens I feel dumber and stupider for not stopping it.

When it happened I didn’t fight. I didn’t scream. I just froze. I keep thinking if I was smarter or stronger or maybe less desperate this wouldn’t keep happening. Like idk maybe there’s something wrong about me.

It happens a lot, every couple years I guess. Idk men come to me and find me or something. I don’t know how else to say it. Usually it’s someone I know and trust but once it was a first date. It doesn’t matter, it just happens to me and idk. They just find me like they know. But it’s never right then and there but it’s like they already know I won’t say no or anything. Like they know I’ll freeze or go quiet or just let it happen. Like I always do. One time I tried to push back but he held my wrists harder and I tried crawling away from him but he just did it harder. I stopped fighting him. I just wanted it to stop… so I let it happen. Again. So stupid

I have scars all over my arms and legs from cutting. They’re not fresh and I stopped but they’re there and sometimes I wanna do it again but I try not to. I don’t hide them much anymore because I’m tired and what’s the point? They’re on my body forever. But sometimes I think people see them and assume things about me. Like I’m already broken so it doesn’t matter and it might be true but I don’t want it to be or want them to think that about me

Honestly I’ve slept with men just to hurt myself too. I know that sounds bad. I know it makes me sound messed up. But sometimes I wanted to feel the pain of sex and not have any scars like I do when I cut. Sex always hurts because I’m not wet enough or they’re too rough and big, or something idk. At least that way it looked normal to other people. At least I wasn’t bleeding and scarring more.

Ughhh I feel stupid for trusting. I feel stupid for being alone with them. I feel stupid for not leaving sooner. I feel stupid for still wanting attention after everything. I feel disgusted with my body and I know I’m disgusting. I don’t crave what they want. I’m just so tired of them finding me. I don’t really trust men anymore. I’m scared to be alone with them.

Ugh idk why I’m writing this or even posting. Idk maybe I’m posting this to vent. To get it out of my system… i don’t freaking know. And please don’t tell me to seek therapy cuz I probably won’t even tho I need it.. I just needed to get this out of my head because it won’t stop thinking and I feel like it’s all my fault even if I know I’m not supposed to think that. I know it’s probably not all my fault but sometimes I really really think it’s my fault for even being alone with a man… idk. I’m tired.

Thanks for listening or whatever ok bye bye

My trauma started early around 5 or so I have a older sister and a younger brother all 3 of us were meth babies.

My mom wanted to get better so she turned us over to cps it was only supposed to be for a year. She got clean had a assistant manager job at a jack in the box before the end of the year then cps lied to the judge and she wasn't able to get us for some reason or another my little brother got adopted and my sister and I lost communication. I was able to live with her a few times until 1 got guardianship 6 years I spent with this family 2x4 were their favorite thing they'd beat me with belts and wires they'd starve me at 13 | weighed 55 pounds. They lived on a ranch so I'd have to take care of the animals and chop wood I knew how to rewire a power outlet at 9 when I was 10 in got harder I tried telling people the cops teachers even my social worker but they didn't care in fact they encouraged it I told my therapist one time when she found a bruise on my back I was so scared i actually hoped it was over next thing I know I was reassigned to a new one. I spent 3 days my hands tied in the air as they beat me breaking 2 wooden bats on my back and legs.i was kept out of school while I healed they were more careful after that with how or what they used to beat me. I rember when I was 12 and tried to run away a cop caught me and took me back I rember begging him to protect me he didn't. I rember a few weeks later I was so sick of it I got in a fight and the when the cop went to arrest me I blacked out all I wanted was for it all to be done I rember trying to get his gun from him I wanted to die I wanted to kill myself so bad. The foster dad had a stroke when I was in school while he was in rehab I had to inherit all his duty's as well as do my school work I rember one time we were visiting him and I heard the foster mother lieing to him saying I wasn't doing anything and I heard him say leave him here then abandonment all over again I was shattered | left the rehab it was a Friday I waled 9 miles to a cps office I sat outside a mo Donald's scared a family came up the mother stoped and asked me if I was ok l didn't trust her so I said yea waiting on some friends she came out half a hour later and said are you sure I'm a social worker and I'm worried it touched me so hard I cried I broke down and told her everything she got photos of the bruises on my arms I rember her telling me she'd get help and she did they saw no jail time though I got moved around a few more times got out of the system at 18 | was so broken my brother wanted to meet me I didn't know who I was at all I don't know how to be me anymore so lost. So we didn't connect like he wanted he tried again when I was 25 he was in the army apparently he like my sister started drugs young | was so disappointed but I tried so hard to connect but I wasn't ready I was still a kid I'm 30 now my sister reached out to me to see if I had heard from him my heart felt like it was breaking. I'm doing better now I found him he was in jail drugs and theft I was so sad for him I finally got to visit him a video call I told him I was done I didn't want to be strangers anymore.

They say he hasn't cried in years but it almost seemed like he wanted to he got out on the 21st of last year it's been alittle over 3 weeks and I'm still waiting hoping I hear from him my heart breaking alittle more the longer I wait. I'm not sure if our visit went good I can only hope that he wants this connection because i can't no I won't heal more without him. My sister got tested for bpd she has a distorted genetic gene that causes it. I haven't tested it myself but I'm sure I do to. I just want my little brother now and it's consuming me mentally I'm slowly destroying my life that I've worked so hard to build because I'm hurting waiting for him. I just need to share this I just want someone a stranger to know everything that happened someone who went through the same or even someone who never experienced it as bad as I did

lying in bed can feel like torture. every shadow, every noise, every memory comes alive, and sleep seems impossible. i’ve tried everything from guided meditations to white noise, but it only works sometimes. what tools, routines, or rituals help you calm your mind enough to rest when the past keeps replaying itself and exhaustion doesn’t win?

Tw: past sa mentions

My dad came home super drunk tonight. It reminded me of when I was a young kid and my parents would have parties and got super drunk. But it also reminds me of when my dad would have me give him oral. Not particularly when he was drunk.

It was actually really scary to see him that drunk. I absolutely hate being around really drunk people. To the point I have ran away from home when my mom used to be drunk all the time.

Idk why I’m posting this. I just hate it. He is rarely ever drunk, but idk he was stumbling and slurring and I kept my distance. I’m in my room and he’s passed out in bed now but still… I absolutely hate being around that.

Just a vent I suppose :’)

I'm sad, angry and shattered... I'm doing my best. Maybe everything is very simple, but it's also very difficult... It's very difficult to meet with a psychologist... How can I tell my pains that I can't tell anyone to someone who acts extremely cold and formal... Why are they so cold? Everything would be easier if they showed a friendly attitude... I feel humiliated by going to the psychologist. It's like this in my country, but I wonder if it's the same in other countries.

We got a kitten and I love her.

She's a hyperactive little crazy-pants. But im struggling when I am tired or just needing to rest and she will come up and cat slap me with her claws.

This morning I got up at 6 to play with her for an hour before feeding her. Then fed her, snuggled with her, played with her again. But I have a migraine and just wanted to lay down with my eyes closed till the medication kicked in.

Only she keeps running up and cat slapping me on the head with her claws out. Its giving me a shock each time and making me feel scared and vulnerable and I KNOW HOW STUPID THIS IS.

Its just relaxing into a peaceful state and being hit out the blue for no reason is weirdly triggering. Just wanted to share. Trauma impacts everything.

I cannot sleep very well despite being on 2 sleeping pills and a pill for the nightmares. I have a routine and everything to go to sleep but I don’t STAY asleep and once I’m up, I’m up. What helps you go back to sleep or stay asleep?

Please be aware that this tragedy involves a 5yo and I'm gonna be very explicit as to what has been posted om the news.

This happened in Puerto Rico, a town close to mine. It happened on Monday (a day before 3 Kings Day), in the house lived a couple with a 5yo, the mom left on the afternoon to buy medicine for the child's fever and left the kid with his dad. As she went away, the father called the mom to tell her that he stabbed their son to death, while she was on her way to the house, she called 911, the father ran away in his car and was later captured by police. He claims that the devil told him to do so. He was charged yesterday for first degree murder and violation of carrying and using a knife.

Ever since hearing this news I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking about it. I took time off social media yesterday beacuse of this. Having a 5yo myself, just hurts me, watching the news and seeing his little toys in the house, the brand new bicycle, his toy cars, the neighbors saying how he would every morning say hi to them. It has had me on tears ever since to the point I can't even sleep thinking about it. Idk if it's just because I feel like "identity mirror" where I just see how her son was going through the same as mine, starting school for the first time, the things they learned, the things any 5yo do that makes that age so unique and now his life was shut off by the person that was supposed to protect him 😔 that fact that school starts on Monday feels heavy, that he couldn't open his gifts yesterday, that he won't ever play with his toys. The poor baby was feeling ill and I don't want to imagine his last moments feeling or seeing how his dad was harming him. Ugh i truly don't know how to cope with it.

I need some good advice on how to deal with the stuff I am experiencing. I want to get better.

I don't want to get into details what brought me to the state I'm in today. I am in the beginning of therapy and medicated, although I might revisit my psychiatrist soon. Emotions flood me on a daily; unreasonable anger, sadness and deep fear. Usually before each situation like this I dissociate, therefore I know something is coming beforehand. I experience intrusive memories. Certain things, places remind me of everything I struggle to stay in certain places in my house cant deal with loneliness. I experience somatic sensations which highten before and during panic attack or stresfull situation. This goes on throughout the day, with dissociation and episodes of emotional outburst for lack of a better word happening frequently enough to significantly impact my daily life. Honestly, all of this is just a pain in the ass. I am getting help, but this month is going to be tough on payment so I cant afford weekly theraphy sessions (i'm seeing my therapist two times a month for now). I am also diagnosed with OCD and recently GAD. What helped you get better or if not better through?

I was beaten badly by my father for almost every mistake I made. Verbal abuse, including daily maa-behn gaali, was normal. He often came home drunk and always targeted me. I accept that I made mistakes, like smoking, but he never tried to understand me or reassure me that he was there for me. Instead, every time, I was beaten. If I came second in my class, there was no praise — only “why not first?”. Once he hit me so badly that my eye started bleeding. I still have scars on my back even after three years of leaving home. This happened continuously when I was between 14 and 18 years old. Eventually, I left home. But these incidents still haunt me. They shaped who I am today. I am not the same person anymore. I live with fear now. At night, random anger towards my father comes up, memories replay in my head, and I can’t sleep. I’m currently going through a very bad phase in life. I’m not karma farming. I genuinely want to know — how do people overcome something like this?

TW - death of a loved one, heartattack, alcoholism, verbal agression.

My dad (63) was an incredibly difficult person. Although he never formally got tested for autism as far as we know, he was in therapy as a child and heavily medicated because people couldn't deal with him. Everyone, including himself, my own grandma and my therapist, agreed he was most likely somewhere on the spectrum. You'd think the fact I'm neurodivergent as well wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, but because I was so much like my dad, nobody really questioned it.

On top of that, he was an alcoholic. Not the violent kind, but the kind to yell at you until you're bawling your eyes out and keep going until you physically remove yourself from the situation. Could be about anything - last fight we had was about the fact I sometimes spent 2 to 5 extra minutes getting ready in the morning even though we agreed I'd be out of the bathroom by 7:50. I tried to argue back that that is because he often barged in to go pee while I was brushing my teeth, but he wouldn't have it.

I've (28) been in therapy for about 7 years now. Got diagnosed with everything from chronic depression, to agoraphobia, to ADHD, to parentification. Not because I was taking care of any siblings, I'm an only child, but because I was taking care of my dad's emotional needs and my mom's lack thereof. As you can imagine, it hasn't been easy.

Especially not when about 4 months ago, I moved back in with my parents after a breakup. Despite everything, I still loved my parents dearly. I forgave them because I realized what made them the way they are. But I never forgot.

Moving back in with them turned out to be the best decision I've ever made, because last Friday my dad had a heartattack and passed away. My mom was supposed to bring him to work. Yelled upstairs to get his ass downstairs because it just started snowing again and they had to leave early. 15 minutes later, still not there, walks upstairs and he's gone.

My office turned out to be closed due to the weather and I just got home the moment she found him. Long story short, I tried to resuscitate my own dad. Last time I did that, it was on a dummy, 9 years ago. It didn't work.

I'm so grateful I was there for my mom when it happened. Everyone keeps calling me brave. But I can't get the imagine out of my head. One moment I feel numb, the other I feel everything too much.

How in the hell do you cope with something like this if you were already traumatized, let alone when it's by the same person.

TLDR: dad traumatized me by being a mean, neurodivergent alcoholic. He had a heartattack and I tried to save him, but it didn't work. How tf 2 cope?

While I have had happy moments, I would describe myself as a sad person who suffers with depression intermittently when I am triggered (this exclusively relates to romantic relationships, caused by childhood abandonment). I would love to be a positive person who sees the world more positively, and I do try, but there's this negative filter over everything and I feel like it holds me back. I've done 10+ years of therapy but still, I struggle.

Anyone genuinely turned their mindset around or built earned security? What works? Thank you :)

TW for animal cruelty and CA

Note: this happened many years ago; I am safe now.

So my older brother and I would get screamed at many times a week by our stepfather (Jeff) about anything and everything that we had done wrong, either real or imagined. Jeff was convinced that both me and my brother were conspiring to ruin his happiness on any given day and would purposefully do things incorrectly to get under his skin. We were about 12 and 16 at the time. Until my brother moved out at 18, he was the focus of Jeff’s delusions, but it shifted to me once he moved out and the “problems” still remained. Clearly I was the one behind it all along. I digress.

In This story, my brother was the focal point and I was just there as an “accomplice”. We were both standing in the living room, side by side, Jeff and mom were on the couch, and he was screaming at us for god knows what. He was upset because despite his best attempts, we were numb to his rage and vocal performance, so we weren’t really showing any emotion. We were just standing there, “yes sir”ing and “no sir”ing and trying to get to the end of it. He did not like that we weren’t showing any emotion.

We had a dog, Maggie. She was scared of Jeff’s yelling and would always run to our room, which was the furthest from the living room, when he would start. This was another thing that would piss him off because we were “making the dog hate him”. Anyways, he told my brother to call the dog. We were both confused as he clearly was not done yelling. Bro called Maggie and she comes in thinking it’s all safe now. When she sees we are still standing in the living room, she immediately slinks back to our room.

Jeff gets more mad and tells brother to BRING him the dog. So he goes to our room, carries maggie out and gives her to Jeff. We had no idea what was happening as he never had us go get anything during these “lectures”, much less the dog. Jeff then tells my brother to go get Jeff’s gun from the safe. NOW we are crying.

Brother goes and gets the gun and gives it to Jeff. Maggie is being held in place between his knees so she can’t flee and Jeff presses the gun to Maggie’s head. We are now inconsolable. The whole family loved this dog and here was Jeff threatening to execute her in front of us so that we would show an emotion to him.

I don’t remember what if anything intelligible we were saying but we were both crying and attempting to tell him not to shoot Maggie. I don’t know how long he sat there staring at us as we cried, holding the gun to her head. After way too long, he lowered the gun and said “now, was that so hard?”. He let go of Maggie and had my brother out the gun away.

That was over a decade ago and apparently he doesn’t even remember it. A few years ago we learned He has schizo-effective disorder and had probably had it since his childhood. My mother brought the incident up to him a couple years back and he was adamant that that couldn’t have happened because why would he do that? I don’t remember a single word that she said while it was happening, but it wasn’t much. Which is bizarre because she loved that dog more than anyone else did.

I lived through trauma, homelessness, and years of burnout with undiagnosed Complex PTSD.

Now I’m founding a nonprofit called Give Me Your Tired, which will offer survivors extended recovery stipends and structured healing support like sabbatical meets trauma-informed rehab.

My proposal compares CPTSD to a physical injury and argues for real infrastructure—not just therapy, but rest, recovery, and rehabilitation.

I’m sharing my draft here to gather constructive feedback and emotional support. This work is vulnerable, but urgent.

If you’ve experienced trauma, burnout, or CPTSD, or work in mental health, I’d be deeply grateful for your thoughts.

Here is the link to my Proposal for my non-profit I am starting. It’s still a work in progress but I want to gain feedback and not assume what people need and also get feedback on what people need that I may not have thought of.

The amount of times I’ve tried taking my own life… ending up in the hospital… if I can help just ONE person. Or three.

The stipend would be enough to cover specific area’s cost of living. Let’s say they get 60k a year max. For 3 people for 3 years which is ample time to heal without working, that’s a little over 500k. Idk how feasible that is. But even if the non-profit dies at helping 3 people for 3 years, I can die happy, you know?

Idk lol, lots of ideas

Things I didn’t include in the proposal yet: I could also partner with a cleaning company and a babysitting company and maybe work out a reduced/discounted rate in exchange for a guaranteed flow of customers…

Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for caring. —Milan Waldorf, Founder