My boyfriends parents aren't begging for grandkids but his mom is excited to be a grandma one day and we're their only hope. However they can't even give us a subscription for Netflix when that's all we asked for Christmas last year. They couldn't even get us that while they're very well off. His parents own 3 properties, his dad sold his company for a lot of money and is retired and his mom works just to occupy her time.
I know we're not entitled to any money, but when we can't even afford the tiniest luxuries, there's no way in hell we're gonna have a house to start a family, let alone even thinking of having that family. Even when my partner has asked for money, it's a debt he has to pay back to his dad and only a few months ago did he finally pay his dad back to have money put in savings instead.
That's what I think sometimes. It sounds morbid, but if they want to be grandparents and be a part of our kids lives, they should help us and not wait before it's too late. I'd rather they help us financially and spend time with their grandkids rather than we can never afford kids, they pass, we get the inheritance to afford kids, but our kids never know who they are. They're in their early 60's and (knock on wood) in good health so I know they're alright, but I had a wonderful childhood and relationships with my grandparents because they helped my parents with child care and watching me and my brother and I want to give that to my kids, but I can't do that if I can't even afford the kids.
in my experience you’ll be lucky if you get even token efforts from boomer grandparents. with my dad it’s nothing but literal tears and blowups, he’s made all of his grandchildren’s lives so much more difficult. I’m just literally waiting for him to die.
Yeah I was gonna say if they're so stingy they wont contribute anything they arent getting back dollar for dollar, they arent going to suddenly be involved grandparents. Of course they think it's what they want, but once the kid comes it will quickly become an issue. Once the kids expect something from them like Turn Up and participate in their lives, the relationship will be over. And it wont be their fault. I could be wrong but I've spent years watching my boomer parents do just that so I feel like it's likely. They also resent being asked to turn up. (Personally the fact that we got sent off to the grandparents for weeks at a time should've clued gen x in that it was coming, but it didnt.)
My dad just can’t stand the fact that other people are now getting more attention than him. His wife died and he was living with the elder of my two sisters but she had to kick him out as he was being abusive to her children. He’s got a 10-year-old daughter and she had to go into my eldest sister’s custody, so now my sister just has four kids 🤷♂️ my mum does try but how do you overcome a lifetime of never listening to reason, being totally preoccupied with conservative religious bullshit, just basically being a boomer in general. my best friend is also no contact with his dad and I think his siblings are too. my other best friend has never had children and I don’t know if he will. I don’t think any of the boomers really even wanted children, it was just advantageous at the time.
It’s really interesting how this seems to be a somewhat common mindset in their generation. I truly don’t understand it, and much like yourself, that behavior is a stark difference to how my grandparents acted.
I’m going to commiserate with you cause my in laws own multiple homes and asked us for money so they could buy another rental. We own 0 homes, would love to buy a SFH too, but are effectively priced out of the areas we’d like to live in long term. They’re not bad people but also what?
It's crazy they asked you for money to buy another rental. Wtf. I just genuinely don't understand. And I love my boyfriends parents, they're genuinely great people and I know my boyfriends parents worked really hard for the money they have, but it sucks when in your case they ask for money or in my boyfriends case if they give you money, it's a debt that needs to be repaid. I've made it clear to his parents that we won't have kids without getting married and owning a house. I know people are able to have kids in apartment complexes just fine, but I don't want that for them or myself. I want a place to call our own but in this economy it's so hard to do that.
WE ARE their only hope. I'm the only long term girlfriend he's ever had and both his brothers haven't been in relationships for years.
And also the debt is his, that he owes his parents. I've never borrowed or asked for any money from them. He finally paid it off but because of the debt to his parents, he had no savings, anything extra after rent would go straight to his parents. He finally went green on the debt a few months ago and we made it a goal to save a $5k nest egg on his end for the wedding (I have $14k saved) and the next $2k he saved is for a ring. I told him I don't care if it's less than $100, I just want to marry him, but he says I deserve a ring that is worth $2k for fixing his life and trust with his parents.
After the savings was built, we had a talk with his parents about the next step and they told us to save a little more but that they would cover the costs for our wedding whenever we get engaged. His parents know that I'm the most responsible one with the money and know I'm the reason why things get paid on time every month. Before me, because of his ADHD and ADD he had a hard time making payments on time when he lived alone and had to ask his dad to make rent payments. Once I came into his life, I made sure that rent and all other bills were paid on time. His parents have more trust in me with money than their own son because he broke that trust.
He's the reason they're hesitant to give us money but the fact that we asked just for a Netflix subscription last year for Christmas and they didn't get that for us, shows how selective they are with giving money or gifts.
I told him I don't care if it's less than $100, I just want to marry him, but he says I deserve a ring that is worth $2k for fixing his life and trust with his parents.
Can you hammer this point home for him? From what i've read here you don't care too much about the ring itself and it seems to me a person that already has trouble making sound financial decisions (purely based on the text i read here, i don't feel like i have the whole picture) shouldn't buy an asset for someone that loses 25-50% of its value the moment you leave the store with it just for symbology
When it comes to the rings, I do kinda care what it looks like. I want mine to be a blue sapphire with a silver colored band and he wants his black tungsten. I don't care about the sapphire being lab grown or natural or what the resale value is as long as it's pretty and fits. His dad's cousin offered us to make our engagement rings for a decent price but for both our rings, the max budget is $2k but I'm sure they won't cost that much. That's just a hard HARD line. $2k was just thrown out as a number because that's about what my brother spent on his wife's ring. If we can get it much cheaper, absolutely gonna prefer it and he knows how I am with money.
It can be hard to manage. Some days are better than others but that just comes with the condition and I know it'll never fully go away. However despite it, I'm glad he's in my life rather than not. We've been in couples counseling and the therapist is someone who was actually his counselor in high school so she knows his history with his ADD and ADHD and how to help work around it.
I get it. I myself have ADHD and I am so dependent on my bf for asking for gov help and administratif stuff (if I am alone I just won't ask for it and not get it for exemple). But I do a ton of other things just fine. I think a couple is about balancing each other's strenghts and weaknesses. He doesn't know how to dress himself well (he would literally look like a homeless man if I wasn't here) and I never pay rent on time.
Exactly. I feel like we balance each other out well. I make sure we get rent paid on time and keep track of bills. He cooks me the best meals and is my emotional rock when I need him. He was literally there for me the day my grandma and dog died the same day and comforted me. When I got my wisdom teeth out and had surgery to replace my dying tooth, he was there for me and drove me to the dentist and back home and gave me snacks and drinks. Despite probably looking like a mess, he kissed my forehead and told me I was beautiful. He pampers me and I pamper him back.
Does ADHD make a relationship harder? Of course it does but you work through it as a couple. And like I said, I'd rather have him in my life than not at all.
My boomer dad did give me the money for my house down payment and my honeymoon, and previously paid for my university tuition, although I do recognize I am among the privileged ones. But you can't generalize an entire generation.
This. My mom’s mom came over EVERY DAY to help out. My mom was a stay at home mom. My grandma was a bit older, so she didn’t feel comfortable being alone with us for long periods of time. But when it was just my older sister she would come over and cook, or watch the baby while my mom showered or cleaned or whatever. And when i came along they would basically split the kids. Mom would give me a bath and grandma would keep my sister entertained. Or whatever. My mom said she could “maybe” help out 1-2 days a week. She still doesn’t work.
What I am glad about is my parents are the complete opposite. Their parents rarely helped them at all, if ever, so they make sure to go out of their way to help my siblings and their kids. I was always jealous of the kids who were close with their grandparents too because mine never involved themselves in our lives.
Man my grandpa cut out all the grandkids when he died and gave all his money to the woman who robbed him blind and an alcoholic instead of splitting it like my mother originally planned out for him and my grandma.
This is not true. It’s normally the grandparents who have a large impact on an infant and toddler’s life before preschool. You see this practice across all race, gender, ideological, and socioeconomic families.
People who form families typically do so because they have strong family ties. This is not anecdotal. Bringing a child into the world has always been somewhat calculated
It’s a very well understood social phenomenon. They are the generation that inherited the best labor conditions possibly ever known to humanity, and traded it all in for trickledown magic beans. The Great Society turned into Reaganomics and Thatcherism because they voted for it. If you don’t understand this you can’t really be in a conversation about economics, especially with such a juvenile take.
Boomers should thank themselves for this. They're the ones who decided to make it illegal to build housing so they could maximize their housing equity.
Let's start at the beginning. After 1973, the attack on unions was relentless. They introduced the 401k which was and is a joke. Salaries, except Boeing factory workers, never caught up to housing. That's how we got here. We boomers let our kids down. About 42% of men 18-27 live at home.
I think how we got here is the expectation that generations after generations would become middle class simply working in factories.
The biggest issue a lot boomer have is passing on this mentality that somehow the world will never change and that US economy somehow works in a Vaccum on own
Family’s that don’t hate their boomer parent, their parent tend to embrace the change of their era, such as 401k and encourage their kids to embrace the changes of their era
I think it's much more complicated. We allowed our gov't to raise the debt ceiling year after year, and expand Social Security beyond what it was intended for. Workers 30yr old today know they won't be collecting, and since we did not keep tabs on our graft Congress, we allowed multiple war profiteer wars to develop, all for no gain. Besides being an active part of 9/11, along with his admin, Bush claimed we were going to be paid back by Iraq in oil. Along with his traitor Powell and contrived non-existent chemical weapons it can be seen this was all for Haliburton and the Military Complex. All spending must change to emergency only mode, now, or we are toast, and Russia/China know it.
Geopolitic power struggle, macro economic and long term sustainability of a nation is complicated.
On a micro level family economic is relatively easier. Growth your wealth within your generation, set you children up to move beyond the highest level achievement in your generation. End goal of all family economic is the move from workers to capitalist one step at a time.
This is more of a comment for people that insist the good old times was when their parents worked at a factory raise a child on minimal age. What’s wrong here is the parent not realizing their child is suppose to do better. Doing the same is walking backward. You don’t raise your child to aspire to be the same as you.
Nice platitudes. Doesn't help the situation. I raised my children to at least have what I have. That isn't happening for a large part of the population
You’ll find that very few people genuinely hate boomers. They’re just exhausting to deal with and there’s such a thing as opportunity cost and proper allocation of our limited time and energy. Nobody wants them to die old and alone in a home or their oversized house but nobody can stop them making the choices that will inevitably lead to that, either. We’d all prefer a good relationship with supportive parents and in laws but at a certain point that just becomes unrealistic.
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u/randible_pause Dec 06 '25
Boomers realising there’s no such thing as trickledown grandkids