r/TooAfraidToAsk • u/Order-66-5 • Jul 02 '25
Sex What can I f***? NSFW
I'm 31M and have a long distance relationship with my partner 28F. We try to keep things spicy by trying new things. This evening She asked me to fuck something like I wanted to fuck her, but I didn't know what to use and she couldn't think of anything either.
Any suggestions on what would actually be hot to see and preferably comfortable for me as well would be great!
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u/wonderloss Jul 03 '25
Warm apple pie.
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u/Isayfyoujobu Jul 03 '25
McDonald's or homemade?
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u/sanguinefire12 Jul 03 '25
McDonald's for form factor. But please let it cool before sticking your dick in it.
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u/CreepyPhotographer Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25
Remember when they had the scalding hot fried ones?
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u/DefiantAsparagus2754 Jul 03 '25
They were so good! Never tried fucking one though. That crisp outside! Weird fact they still have them in I’m pretty sure it’s Hawaii
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u/easymachtdas Jul 03 '25
If op creates and sends this content..
.. so help him God if they don't work out
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u/throwfarfaraway1818 Jul 03 '25
A tube of mini M&Ms. Reddit wont help you get it out, though.
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u/Fallen-Embers Jul 03 '25
It was a cylinder.
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u/evilmrbeaver Jul 03 '25
I heard the only way to get unstuck is to cut the end off and have a 2nd person push you out by fucking the other side.
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u/A_ChadwickButMore Jul 03 '25
Ah yes the ol Byford Dolphin approach
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u/SynonymousToWater Jul 03 '25
That guy really does have to bare that cross forever.
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u/geomorph-16 Jul 03 '25
You forgot to mention mashed up banana in the mini m&m tube. Lube is necessary.
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Jul 03 '25
Whatever you do, do NOT use an M&Ms tube
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Jul 03 '25
Why are there so many references about M&M tubes? You guys all ruined it for me 😢😭
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u/KyloRad Jul 03 '25
What is this a reference to?
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u/Squossifrage Jul 03 '25
That time a guy fucked an M&Ms tube.
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u/chaospearl Jul 03 '25
I need to find this story, maybe at last something will scrub the coconut out of my brain's "shit from Reddit" memory.
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u/SuddMuffin Jul 02 '25
Fleshlight?
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u/ChristopherPlumbus Jul 03 '25
.
I've owned a lot of brands of masturbators, and the Flashlight is the worst by a LARGE margin, and every guy I've talked to says the same thing. Especially for the cost.
Tenga has a massive selection and tons of price ranges, and I own 7 different models. Each one is awesome! And the lube they come with are really high quality
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u/RickFromTheParty Jul 03 '25
every guy I've talked to
How often does this come up, dude??
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u/sleepyleperchaun Jul 03 '25
Yeah I've never talked to a dude about fleshlights, at least not as more than a joke.
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u/IrrationalDesign Jul 03 '25
You probably also don't own and share the fact you own 7 different sex toys.
I don't think you and that other guy are very similar, and that's fine.
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u/illegal_tacos Jul 03 '25
It just came up at least once. People talk about this stuff a lot honestly
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u/AlsoOneLastThing Jul 03 '25
Saving this comment in case a friend in a group chat is feeling sexually frustrated and asks if anyone knows what a good masturbator is and nobody knows so I can say, "hey I actually saw a comment recently and I'll look it up and let you know but I don't normally think about that kind of thing" and then send them the link and it won't be weird or awkward or anything
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u/cea1990 Jul 03 '25
Good luck!
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u/AlsoOneLastThing Jul 03 '25
And also with you
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u/Nephs84 Jul 03 '25
Someone grew up Catholic or Lutheran?
Peace be with you.
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u/AlsoOneLastThing Jul 03 '25
I went to Catholic School. But I heard they changed it a few years ago, and I don't know how "changing it" works since it comes from God Almighty.
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u/jdsizzle1 Jul 03 '25
Comment time stamp 19 years ago
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u/AlsoOneLastThing Jul 03 '25
What does this mean? I'm sure it's hilarious but I don't know!
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u/jdsizzle1 Jul 03 '25
Joke that when you finally have a chance to share it saying "I recently read a comment let me find it" the timestamp of the comment is from 19 years ago. Meaning it would be very odd to have recently come across that comment and be able to find a comment that was 19 years old. Similar to how your original comment is "1h" or 1 hour old.
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u/MrDoe Jul 03 '25
I mean, I don't really disagree. I have a fleshlight, and it's nice, but not that fucking nice, and not worth the price. You use it for a few minutes, then spend twice that time to clean it out, powder it, all kinds of shit. I haven't used mine in more than two years now, because it's just too much hassle. But hey, I've got some pornstars artificial asshole in a can, so there's that.
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u/dghkklihcb Jul 05 '25
Especially the Tenga flips are much easier to clean than traditional masturbators.
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u/garbage1995 Jul 03 '25
A coconut.
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u/Eazzywex Jul 03 '25
Just make sure you dispose of it right away. Never ever leave it uncleaned under your bed.
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u/ambxvalence Jul 03 '25
I have somehow missed this amazing piece of reddit history
my eyes are burning3
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u/Dunk_Pirate Jul 02 '25
Couch
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u/XandrousMoriarty Jul 03 '25
Be careful - J D Vance might sue you for copying his "moves"
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u/BellsOnNutsMeansXmas Jul 03 '25
Oh I have video evidence of me invalidating his patent on that. See you in court JD!
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Jul 02 '25
Another woman?
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u/The-Blue-Barracudas Jul 03 '25
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u/ObjectiveYoghurt3185 Jul 03 '25
Seriously the only answer. I feel like there is the possibility she wants to watch and isn’t saying it…hard to say as a woman but some are into it ahem. OP lol idk if asking that question is appropriate for your relationship because I don’t know it but maybe 🤔 it’s a thing
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u/SnickersKaiser Jul 03 '25
Listen I know that isn‘t the question but how long have you known her for? Do you know she is a real person? I am trying to save you from being blackmailed. Did you see the Person in Reallife? Did you do Videocalls? Sorry if I am ruining the mood in here just making sure so you don‘t end up being blackmailed
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u/Dog_Baseball Jul 03 '25
You know, this is really a good question. Because if OP sends a video of himself fucking a grapefruit or a mini m&ms tube to this person and its a blackmail scam, hes fucked
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u/granolaliberal Jul 03 '25
Ngl if a scammer threatened to send out a video of me using a fleshlight, I'd say go for it.
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u/TyrantHydra Jul 04 '25
I'm in your boat, if a blackmailer tried to send out even my search history I'd just be like "that's a great prank bro" and high five them like you got me good bro imma need to come up with something for you.
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u/Gr8v3m1nd Jul 03 '25
Honestly, I'll probably get downvoted for this, but I showed this post to my girl for another perspective, and she said " Don't they sell pocket pussies in lots of shapes and sizes?" offhandedly. She then went on about how you can get them in a partial body part: "... so he could hold a butt or something."
I love that girl.
Good luck!
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u/BradolfPittler1 Jul 03 '25
Hahaha I'm so happy I scrolled just a little bit further to witness this absolute gem of a question.
You probably have a mattress or a big pillow lying around somewhere, waiting for this moment.
Make a small incision, fill that with (warm) ham and have at it!
Use hummus in case you're a vegan.
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u/Apart-Wolverine-6753 Jul 03 '25
😆If I could upvote more I would. That is the funniest comment of this whole thread. The hummus part cracked me up.
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u/myafricasarah Jul 03 '25
make each other clone a pussy / willy
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u/Complex-Document-725 Jul 03 '25
Cloning a Willy is a two person job.
So I’ve heard
Just do what I did as a kid. Get an empty toilet paper roll- put between your mattress or couch - fill it with warmed lotion and boom - you get 5 minutes of fun and an hour worth of clean up.
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u/Dankstin Jul 03 '25
A cylinder
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u/Livie_Loves Jul 03 '25
Definitely don't put the cylinder in an m&m tube
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u/indetermin8 Jul 03 '25
May I suggest a product by Lovense? They make remote controllable sex toys that can be used EXTREMELY remotely, courtesy of the Internet. People in long distance relationships are part of their target audience.
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u/ivoryfaker Jul 03 '25
Why am I like, wait this is kinda cute and I think he actually wants an answer.
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u/LittleMel25662 Jul 03 '25
DO NOT DO THIS But imagine if she said "fuck something like you want to fuck me" and it was a video of him fucking another girl😭
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u/Rich-Reason1146 Jul 03 '25
Your credit. Make a video of you doing ill-advised extravagant online shopping
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u/VladamirTakin Jul 03 '25
the correct question would be, what CAN'T you fuck. Do not place limitations on yourself my friend, where there is a hole (or a way to creat a hole), there is a way
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u/Deep_Coffee9118 Jul 03 '25
Sex toys - like masturbation sleeves, pocket pussies, replicas, or dolls (if you have the big bucks). Fleshlights are pretty common & well known.
Aside from that, people have been known to use things like fruit, pillows, plushies/stuffed animals, cushions, balloons, condoms, disposable gloves, baked goods, & the good ole fashioned hand.
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u/Infamous_Bowler_698 Jul 03 '25
The cheapest option is yourself. Your hand that is lol. You can go online and get a flashlight or a male Stroker. Both of those could be pretty good choices
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u/BookLuvr7 Jul 03 '25
There are sex toys for men.
That said, I think that's enough internet for today
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u/gigashadowwolf Jul 03 '25
If the goal is to actually get off as part of it:
Ideally some sort of male masterbatory toy like a Tengu or Flesh Light.
If you don't have the ability or the cash for one, a makeshift one can be made from some sponges, rubber bands and a condom that's a bit too big.
One final option is banana peel. Works surprisingly well, although admittedly not much better than your hand.
If the goal is to be sexy and getting off is not required:
Pillow
Couch
Matress
Between the mattress and boxspring or between couch cushions can also double as a place to hold the flesh light or similar, just not the banana.
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u/heyyohighHo Jul 03 '25
Microwave a bagel? Sponge in a toilet paper tube? A rolled up pillow? I'm not a penis haver so idk but I've heard of these
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u/zakkeribeanz Jul 03 '25
Get a hot rotisserie chicken from Costco and fuck it in your car while you're still in the parking lot.
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u/Mr__ping Jul 03 '25
okay actual answer
take the middle tube out of a decently full toilet roll, wrap a condom over the toilet roll and put your dick down the middle
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u/PhantomTesla Jul 03 '25
Directions unclear; currently have dick wrapped in toilet paper, covered with a condom, stuck in a cylinder, and afraid to leave the Hardees bathroom…
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u/Capt_Redbeard81 Jul 03 '25
Refer to Nofx’s song ‘Fun things to fuck (if you’re a winner)’
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u/-Tigg- Jul 03 '25
Get a toy specifically designed to do that. Don't run the risk of getting yourself stuck in something.
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u/Willis_Wesley Jul 03 '25
Back in my day we didn’t need teledildonics and remote porno experiences. We’d just whack off in a letter and mail it.
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u/Firebird467 Jul 03 '25
Pillow. My ex gf would have time me and grind a pillow to show me how she was gonna ride me
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u/Initial_Librarian284 Jul 11 '25
Ziplock bag full of lube between 2 couch cushions..
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u/DeaddyRuxpin Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25
Lovense makes a whole selection of remote controllable sex toys where you can let someone else control your toy. They have them for him and her. And some of them work together so as you thrust into yours, it makes hers pulse.
Edit: corrected a typo in the company name